🎶☕️

inbox open ! tiktok: lovestr4y

[jakevwebber]

MY MASTERLIST

————————————————

smut- ᯾

fluff-✲

both- ꨄ

nothing- ㅂ

᯾-one more for me-hamzahthefantastic

✲- accidents happen sometimes- hamzahthefantastic

᯾- we know better - rigel wilde

ꨄ- your special to me - johnnie guilbert

✲ - happy birthday - chris sturniolo

✲- random fluff - matt sturniolo

᯾- smut from my wattpad book - jake webber

✲- random fluff - jake webber

ㅂ- races - ab, alfie buttle

this is all i have right now but send in any requests !

[paarksunghoon]

grocery store receipts (sunghoon)

SUMMARY: your hot neighbor seems to have everything you don’t: charm, confidence, and a sense of direction in life. you’ve managed to keep to yourself in the time you’ve lived across from his apartment but the holiday season brings brings out unresolved feelings, and you find that the best present of all has always been standing right in front of you.

WORD COUNT: 31.5K.

PLAYLIST: I ended up making one for this fic

NOTES: consider this a love letter to sunghoon. this story had three plots before it became what it is right now. I’m not somebody who generally enjoys the holidays but wish I could be, so this is a bit of a diary entry, of sorts. (me to me: it’s really not that serious.)

and thanks to @moonstruck-muses for being the best person I know…I love who I am when I’m with you and I’m so grateful that you ended up tagging along to oomf’s house all those months ago. kinda hilarious that I knew you’d be a jake girl before you did, but I think that sums up the kind of friendship we have. 🩷

WARNINGS: fluff & angst, mentions of poor childhoods and bad parental relationships, a whole lot of Christmas talk, smut in the form of: dry humping, oral (f. receiving), missionary, sunghoon’s kinda obsessed with her chest, multiple orgasms, fingering. unprotected sex, creampie, and typos, probably.

MASTERLIST

****

“Did you bring the sweater?”

Jake holds up a large white paper bag and pulls out the fabric, pushing the decorative detail in your direction. “Boom. You’ll win the ugly sweater competition, no doubt.”

“It’s not a contest.” You take the bag from him and Jake beams at you with that boyish smile he has when he gets excited about something. You feel a bit soft that he’s excited for you. “But thank you for letting me borrow it.” 

Heeseung grabs the sweater and holds it up in front of him. “This…is something else. Why do you have it in the first place?”

“It’s got a disco dance floor with breakdancing gingerbread men,” Jake deadpans. “It’s snowing inside the club. Why wouldn’t I buy it?”

Jay laughs. “He saw it at a thrift store last Christmas and bought it on a whim. I don’t think he’s worn it, so it’s good that you’re taking it off his hands.”

“I still want it back even if I have nowhere to wear it to.” 

You bump Jake’s hip. “You could always wear it to run errands.” 

He makes a face. “I’m not that crazy.” 

Heeseung folds the sweater and puts it back in the bag before handing it off to you for safekeeping when all four of you walk deeper into the bar. It’s cold outside. It’s the kind of weather that has you layered up in a scarf and a large peacoat that shields you from the chilly bite of the air. Summer has long passed and spring isn’t for another few months, and the joy you feel from the temperature dropping echoes within the warm bar you find yourself in. The juxtaposition of snowy air met with a warm furnace feels comforting in all of the right ways.

You offer to get a table and hum in appreciation with Jay and Jake volunteer to split the first round. They know your order on a weekday evening—whiskey sour—because you don’t like to go overboard when you have to wake up early the next morning. Heeseung slides into the booth beside you and nudges your shoulder.

“Are you still interested in the Marketing Lead position? I heard Kang Eunji’s transferring to the Tokyo office and that the company is looking to hire internally.”

“Now how would you know that, Lee Heeseung?” He shrugs with an uptick to the corner of his mouth.

“I have my ways.”

“Did you, by any chance, flirt with our floor’s secretary to get this information?” 

Heeseung’s cheeks reddens. “It’s not my fault that she’s into me, okay?! I’ve turned her down plenty of times because I don’t do workplace relationships, but I’ll make an exception if that means helping my best friend get promoted.”

“Poor girl. She probably thinks you’re stringing her along.” Heeseung rolls his eyes.

“I’m doing nothing of that sort. I just smiled at her, complimented her dress, and asked if the rumors about Eunji leaving were true.” 

“You walk through life getting everything you want handed to you, huh?” Heeseung smiles innocently but the two of you end up sharing a laugh. 

“I’m serious, though. I don’t know how much I can help since everybody in the office knows we’re close. They’ll definitely think I bias you over other candidates.”

“Don’t you?” 

“Well yeah, but let’s consider there are a few other people whose words matter more than mine.” 

“That is awfully nice of you. I’m a little concerned that you might have something up your sleeve but I appreciate you.” 

He laughs. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you have a good Christmas.” The boyish smile he wears makes you feel tender but you push against him anyway.

“You’re a little scary when you’re nice to me.” 

“What? I can’t be nice to the girl who spilled hot coffee down my shirt the first time we met?”

You mumble. “I’m clumsy.”

“Are we talking about you being an absolute klutz?” Jay puts your drink in front of you. “If so, do you remember the time we were playing tennis in my backyard and you tripped over grass?”

“Okay, okay! I get it. I have terrible coordination and fine motor skills.” You hide your smile behind the glass and thank them for the drink before Jake speaks up.

“You’ll have to send me a picture of you in the sweater. I want to put it up in my fridge, or something. What’s it for anyway?”

“The company Heeseung and I work at hosts spirit month every holiday season,” you explain. “Every Friday is casual dress day, but starting in the first week of November, there’s a holiday theme and I think it’s fun to dress up.”

“I’m surprised at how many people do it,” Heeseung chimes in.

“I’m sure we can find one day that works for you.”

“I’ll only consider dressing up if you can make it look tasteful.”

“Please just dress up once,” you beg. “You can wait until it gets close to Christmas. Besides, you’d look good in some of the categories.”

“What are the themes?” Jay asks.

“Next week is Winter Wonderland and the week after that is Red Day. I’m pretty sure there’s a Pajama Day somewhere.”

“Well, I might show up to the office in sweats.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“I wish my job did something fun.” Jake pouts behind his beer. “I’m in a lab all day so even if I wore something festive, it’s covered by a white coat.”

Jay laughs. “You act like being able to wear a white coat is a bad thing.”

“It is when you can’t see break dancing gingerbread men.”  

“Have you guys started Christmas shopping?” Heeseung stares at the drink in his hand as if a lightbulb hangs over his head. “All this holiday talk made me realize I haven’t started thinking about what to get my friends and family. I have absolutely no idea what to get you guys.”

“You could get me a free week at your client’s fancy hotel.” Heeseung looks at Jay and deadpans, whereas the younger boy laughs.

“I’d get myself a weekend vacation before I give it to you.” He sighs. “It would be fun if all four of us could go on a vacation away from Seoul, though. No worries, no work, and no responsibilities.”

“The lab’s slowing down and I’ve made a list of people I need to give gifts to.” Jake pulls his phone out and shows everybody the note on his phone, aptly titled ‘CHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR THE HOMIES.’ You try to see what he’s put beside your name but he pulls his phone away faster than you can read.

Jay looks at you. “I’ll bet you've been prepared since summer.”

“I’m only put together when it comes to the holidays, Jay.”

“Does that mean you have most of your gifts wrapped?” 

You nod proudly. “You know me too well.”

“I want to know what you got me.” 

“Nope, no guessing.”

“I don’t think you can beat last year’s gift for him,” Jake snickers. “Poor Jay almost had a heart attack when you were able to get his guitar signed by Hisashi Tonomura since you worked with him for a campaign.” 

“That was tricky because I didn’t know how to ask for your guitar without tipping you off.”

“I knew you wanting to learn how to play was a bullshit excuse,” Jay says with a laugh. “But looking back at it now, that really was a great gift.” 

Heeseung raises his eyebrows at you suggestively. “Are you getting anything for your cute next door neighbor?” You aren’t tipsy by any means, but the mere mention of the hot guy who lives across the hall from your apartment makes your cheeks feel warm. The guys laugh when you look away from them and you hear their laughter ringing in your ears as you try to maintain your shyness.

“No, Heeseung. It would be weird of me to get a gift for someone I barely know.”

“Maybe you should!” Jake nudges your knee with the tip of his shoe. “You guys could fall in love for all anybody knows.” 

You smile weakly. “I’m too scared to talk to him. He’s so…hot.” 

Jay snorts. “So you tell us.” 

Your neighbor, who you and the guys have dubbed ‘The Stranger,’ moved into your building nearly a year ago. In that time, you haven’t mustered up the courage to say anything to him. You keep it at awkward eye contact when you see him leaving or arriving at the same time and begin daydreaming the minute you lock your door behind you. His dark hair, striking brown eyes, and pouty lips is enough to make him the subject of your waking thoughts. 

Your friends seem to overestimate your confidence and encourage you to talk to The Stranger, but your resolve crumbles every time you make eye contact with him. Surely a man like that belongs only in fairy tale books or those cliché romance novels middle-aged women seem to like so much. He’s always impeccably dressed with fitted clothing and a clean face that never seems to have blemishes. He must be well off because you recognize name brands adorning his chiseled body.

His demeanor intimidates you too. The Stranger always stands with his chin parallel to the floor and walks with his shoulder held back as if invisible books were stacked on top of his head. The way he carries himself makes you think he’s confident and it intimidates you because you’re anything but. The Stranger is always polite, acknowledging you if he happens to see you around your shared hallway, but he remains aloof with barely a glance before disappearing. He is every bit tall, dark, and handsome, and you’re a little too unsure of yourself to ever make the first move. 

Heeseung, your closest friend since you moved to Seoul, always tells you there’s nothing to fear and that rejection isn’t the end of the world. You try to take his advice but Heeseung is the type of person who never has never had to worry about rejection because people are lining up the doors for him. He’s got a charming personality that almost certainly helped secure his promotion at the company you two work. He’s also got enough charisma and good looks to hook women in. Heeseung doesn’t have to lift a finger to get anybody to pay attention to him. Besides, you’d rather live in this yearning stage of your life than face the awkwardness of seeing him after he rejects you. 

(“If he rejects you,” you hear Heeseung’s voice say in the back of your mind.)

It’s the same for Jay and Jake, too. They’re both incredibly handsome and know their way around people, even if they’re a bit shy at times. Jake especially, who has a clear accent in the way he speaks, can easily make friends with anybody at the mere mention of the way he speaks. Jay attracts people left and right because of his chiseled jawline and the fact that he’s musically gifted, and people stay because he’s incredibly compassionate and attentive.

You love your friends because they’re wonderful people who always seem to know how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking before you can tell them. But you’re a little bit envious that the world seems to work out for them without doing too much. You find that your experiences have the opposite outcome and you’ve had your fair share of rejection stories across every aspect of your life. All of your insecurities have been with you from childhood until now, and trying to be the bigger person is becoming harder every single day. It’s probably what keeps you from doing anything but approach the attractive man that lives across from you. The Stranger is simply somebody too beautiful and you aren’t sure if you’re worthy enough to be somebody he can look at. 

“He’s hot and single.” Heeseung puts his hand on his chin. “Doesn’t seem like a problem to me.” 

“We don’t know that he’s single.”

“I wish I knew what he looked like.” Jake pouts at his beer. “Who doesn’t have an Instagram or social media?” 

“You’re one to talk. You barely post on Instagram and every picture you have is outdated. I’m pretty sure the only person who cares enough is Jay.” 

The aforementioned speaks next. “Has he ever brought girls home before?” 

You shrug. “I don’t think so?” 

“There you have it. He’s single, hot, and you should make a move on him! You never know what’ll happen.” 

“Can we drop it?” you ask, starting to feel a bit restless where you sit. “It’ll happen if it’s meant to happen.” Jake sits back and tries to hide his sulk, although you know he only wants the best for you so you try not to feel annoyed. 

“Are any of you going home for the holidays?” Jay asks to break the silence. 

“Probably not,” Heeseung replies. “My family wanted to go somewhere tropical and spending time in the heat doesn’t sound too good to me. I’ll probably see them when they get back and make a weekend out of it.” 

“Same here.” Jake finishes off the rest of his beer. “My brother’s coming from Brisbane and my parents are spending it back home, but we agreed to meet up next year since they visited Seoul a few months back. You?”

“Staying here because my extended family will be here for a week or so. I’ve got some family obligations but they told me to take it easy now that I’m living on my own.” 

“Sounds like you guys will be bothering each other even more now, huh?”

Jay laughs. “Yeah, I guess so. What about you? Are you going back home this year?” 

You look down at your hands. “I don’t know yet. My mom keeps asking if she should expect me to come home but I’ve put off making that decision for a long time. It’s just hard, you know? After dealing with my dad and everything that went down a few years ago…I don’t know if I’m ready to go back.” 

Her voice lingers in the back of your head the more you think about it. You don’t talk to her often and leave phone calls with her around two to three times a week. She sends you Instagram reels she thinks are funny and you do your best to laugh at them too. But the reality is that talking to her about the holidays reminds you of everything you’re running away from. 

It’s been four years since you moved for a fresh start after university. Seoul used to be so big and enticing compared to the small fishing town you hail from. The streets smell like delicious savory and sweet goods instead of the raw stench of live bait and wet creatures. The lights that illuminate the night sky due to the gargantuan billboards make you feel like this city never truly sleeps because the next adventure is at arm’s length. It’s what you’ve craved for so long and now that you have it, going back to your neighborhood is starting to make you feel guilty for achieving one of your dreams and leaving everything behind. 

Your friends seem to know what’s running through your head. You’ve been this way every winter since they met you. Heeseung gently nudges your arm with his elbow to pull you out of your thoughts. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, okay? We’ll be here for you.”

“I know. I just feel guilty for not going back home since I moved. It’s a two hour train ride but I can’t bring myself to buy the ticket. It’s so hard to be in a place that brings you bad memories.”

“We’ll keep you company this Christmas,” Jake promises. “We aren’t going anywhere so there’s no reason for you to be alone.” 

“Thanks, guys. I’m sorry that I brought the mood down.” 

“What else is drinking at bars for if not to lament about the sad shit?” Jake smiles when that pulls a laugh out of you. 

“Yeah, you’re right. But if I’m hungover at work tomorrow, it’s your fault.”

***

Despite a difficult conversation that sparked haunting nostalgic memories to resurface at once, you managed to keep your drinking to a minimum and stopped yourself after a single cocktail. Heeseung dropped you off and promised to be back to carpool to work tomorrow, and the last thing you thought about before sleeping was The Stranger. 

Your under eye bags aren’t as groggy as they are when you’d drink the night away, but they still feel heavy underneath you. Moisturizer and concealer can only do so much to get rid of the dark circles on your face so you make do and send a silent prayer that you’ll look decent for the entire day. Jake’s ugly sweater hangs perfectly against your dresser and you do your best to style around the atrocious design, but it makes you smile to see such a ridiculous piece of clothing on your body. It reminds you that the holidays are beginning and you try to think about all of the festivities in the area instead of the looming doom of going back to your hometown during this time of year. You take a quick picture of yourself and send it in the group chat, thanking Jake for the impeccably horrible sweater. Once your work bag is packed, Heeseung tells you he’s parked outside of your apartment building. 

You step outside and lock your door only to be greeted by The Stranger.

He blinks when he takes note of the dancing gingerbread men and cocks his head trying to make sense of him. The Stranger, on the other hand, is wearing a fitted longsleeve shirt that nearly molds around the muscles of his arm and baggy pants that somehow make him seem taller than you recall. His hands are adorned with silver jewelry and his shoes look like they might be as expensive as your monthly rent. You’re starting to feel the juxtaposition of your outfit compared to his when he looks at you and the design of the fabric feels heavy on your shoulders.

“That is an ugly sweater.” The Stranger widens his eyes and the tips of his ears turn a shade of pink when his words finally register. “I just mean that your sweater is…interesting.” 

You can’t help but laugh. “It’s alright. This sweater is really ugly.” 

“Any particular reason as to why you’re wearing it, then?” 

“Today’s a holiday spirit day at work,” you explain to him. “Every Friday has a different theme and today just so happens to be Ugly Sweater Day.”

“I hope you get a consolation prize because, wow…that truly is an atrocious piece of clothing.”

The two of you start to make your way towards the elevator, and stand in awkward silence as you wait for it to reach your floor. You see him stealing glances at the design and feel your neck warming up, and start to wish you could take it off. The thought of this outfit being The Stranger's first impression of you makes you feel humiliated, but Heeseung is waiting for you outside and Jake didn’t give it to you just for it to hang in your closet. 

The chime alerts you to the doors opening and The Stranger allows you to get in first. You're about to press the button for the lobby when he beats you to it. You settle into an uncomfortable silence, resisting the urge to itch your palms and shift awkwardly to avoid drawing attention to yourself. Everything about him screams opulence, from the way he stands to the way his cologne smells. You aren’t sure that you can name the notes in the scent, but it smells extremely expensive. Even the way he stands makes you feel like you should fix your posture. 

“I’m Sunghoon,” says The Stranger. His deep voice echoes in the elevator and your throat feels dry as you tell him your name. “I’ll remember that for when we inevitably run into each other.” 

The lobby is fairly empty but you can see the hustle and bustle of city life when you look past the glass walls. Heeseung is sitting in his car, scrolling on his phone when Sunghoon opens the door for you and lets you walk out in front of him. You feel him looking at you and turn around one last time. He takes one more look at the sweater and nods. 

“Well, uh, have a good spirit day at work.”

“T-Thanks!” 

You don’t wait for his reaction and turn around to walk towards Heeseung’s car that you noticed has been recently washed. He unlocks the doors when he hears you tugging on the handles and looks at the sweater before bursting out into laughter.

“Jesus, that sweater is so fucking ugly.” 

“Thanks.” 

When you don’t put your seatbelt on, Heeseung turns to see that you’re looking outside of the window. He darts his eyes to see if he can catch a glimpse of your line of sight but comes up empty. You look fresh for this hour of the morning and Heeseung wonders if the smile on your face is because of the upcoming spirit day. 

“What are you looking at?”

You whip your head to your friend, who looks at you quizzically. “You will not believe who I talked to this morning.” 

“Who? Santa?” Heeseung looks at the photo you sent in the group chat earlier. “Nice selfie, by the way. You look like an elf.”

You swat his shoulder. “No, dummy.”

“Then who did you meet?” 

“My neighbor.” Heeseung’s jaw drops and you swat his shoulder again. He winces, but you can’t find it in yourself to care too much and buckle yourself to his passenger seat. “We gotta get to work. Drive and I’ll tell you.”

He grips the wheel and starts the fifteen minute journey. “Did you finally introduce yourself to him?” 

“Not quite. We walked out of our apartments at the same time. He said, and I quote, ‘That is an ugly sweater.’”

“I don’t know whether to be happy or sorry for you.”

“I feel stupid because of all the days I had to run into him, it had to be today.” Heeseung’s seat warmers make it all that more enticing to sulk. You tug at the hem and inspect the design, feeling somewhat regretful that you chose to participate in today’s spirit day. “I told him a little bit about why I’m wearing it and he seemed to think it was funny.” 

“Does he smell good?” You flick Heeseung’s arm, who laughs in the driver’s seat.

“Shut up. But yeah, he really does.” 

“What’s his name?” 

“Sunghoon.” Your mouth curves into a smile. 

“Sunghoon. Nice name. Sounds fancy.” 

“I guess so. He does wear a lot of name brands and high luxury fashion.”

“His name definitely suits him, then.” 

To nobody’s surprise, you have the best ugly sweater throughout the office. More people participated than you and Heeseung had originally guessed and the holiday-themed snacks your division manager provided was enough to boost office morale. The weather outside is getting darker earlier and you even feel a bit restless after sitting in your office for a while. 

Heeseung watches you from behind your frosted doors as he talks to the floor secretary to order files and copies of his projects, and the sight of you in that horrendous sweater with a smile on your face makes him smile too. You’ve looked like that the entire day, from picking you up and throughout lunch, and Heeseung wonders if could ever convince you to make a move on your neighbor since you talk about him so much. He doesn’t know how much longer he can listen to your fantasies while being extremely shy to strike a conversation with him. 

He turns to the group chat he has with Jay and Jake. You’re notably absent from this text thread (as told by the name of the group chat) and they use it to discuss anything deemed ‘guy stuff’ (most infamously when you text “TAKE THIS ELSEWHERE” when they start getting too boyish for your taste).

The Gentlemen’s Club 

heeseung: GUYS. She met her neighbor this morning

heeseung: His name is Sunghoon and he saw her with Jake’s ugly sweater

heeseung: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

jake: IS HE CUTE

heeseung: I think so. She was blushing the entire car ride here and could barely say anything until we parked 

jake: fuck yea. i trust her taste in men because she thinks byeon wooseok and kim jaeyoung are hot. they’re gonna fall in love guys 

jay: If I didn’t know any better, I’d say Jake had one too many cups of coffee  

jake: well yes BUT u know me and you know i think they’ll have a meet cute

heeseung: Technically they already had one. Although I don’t if I’d call it a meet cute since he called your sweater ugly to her face

jake: whatever. you know what I mean. we should find out what he looks like 

jay: And how are we gonna do that?   

jake: idk maybe throw a little get together this weekend

heeseung: That’s a little soon, no? 

jake: next weekend then. 

jake: I can host at my place. tell her to bring whoever she wants. I need an excuse for a housewarming anyway 

jay: You moved in three months ago tho??

jake: it’s time to have one now!!!! I’ll text the group chat with all of us 

Heeseung switches to the group chat with you in it. 

The Family Unit:

jake: housewarming. my place. next saturday. 6pm. bring food 

jay: If you’re throwing the party, why do we need to bring the food

jake: because I am hosting god knows how many people and I cannot afford all of that 

heeseung: We can figure this out later 

you: Jaeyun, didn’t you move in three months ago ???

jay: THAT’S WHAT I SAID.

jake: we can have an official party now!!!!. bring whoever you want as long as they’re cool

you: Say less!!! I’m there. I’ll bring dessert

jake: 🤤

jay: Can I leave this group chat?

It’s painfully boring for the rest of the day as you all tie up loose ends before 6 PM hits, but you power through it and let your assistant go home for the day. With the weekend looming near after sending a few more emails, you swear you can feel the tension exiting your body. Heeseung knocks on your door and steps inside as you send one last message to a client. 

“You should invite Sunghoon.” 

“To what?” you ask him, temporarily clouded by end-of-week work stress.

“To Jake’s housewarming, dude. It’s the perfect excuse to talk to him again.” You sit back in your chair and look at him as he sits in front of you. 

“I don’t think I have the guts to do that.”

“It’s easy. Knock on his door and tell him there’s gonna be free food and drinks next weekend.”

You scoff. “Easy for you to say. You’re like a magnet. People are drawn to you because you have no problem socializing with people you don’t know.”

“You and I are friends, aren’t we? I must be doing something right.”

“Meeting at work four years ago hardly counts as socializing. It was forced proximity.” Heeseung puts his hand over his heart and pretends to cry.

“Well, for what it’s worth, I like being friends with you and you aren’t as awkward as you think you are. I think Sunghoon, or anyone for that matter, would feel that way too. You just need to put yourself out there.”

You slump back in your desk chair. “I know…It’s hard to push myself to get to know someone, though. It’s like there’s an invisible line I can’t seem to cross and it gets worse when I talk to people I find attractive. He’s like, really hot.”

“You talk to me every day and do just fine.” Expertly, he dodges when you throw a pen at him and laughs when you grunt in dissatisfaction. “What are you so scared of?”

“I don’t know. Looking like an idiot, for one. He’s so beautiful and I don’t feel worthy of him.”

“He’s a man, first of all,” Heeseung deadpans, “so he’s already beneath you.”

“Wow, so you do listen to my I-hate-men rants.”

“Yeah, because I care about you and men suck.”

“You and the guys especially when you won’t leave my apartment.” 

“But your apartment is so cozy.” You threaten to throw another pen and smile when he flinches. 

“I’m afraid of making things awkward if he doesn’t want to get to know me like that. We’ve acknowledged that we’re neighbors and all, but what if I ask him to come to Jake’s party, he says no, and thinks I’m a weirdo and a creep for asking him that after one conversation?”

“Then he’s a weirdo for being creeped out. Anyone who gets offended by being invited somewhere is weird. You’re a nice person trying to do a nice thing. There’s nothing wrong with making friends.”

Heeseung is right, like he typically always is, and you ponder on his words. Since the first time you saw Sunghoon, you’ve treated him as some fictitious crush that exists only within your head and muse over the small interactions and indulge yourself when thinking about him. Romance seems far fewer in between and you choose to stick to television shows and books that make your heart flutter instead of going on multiple dates just to find out the two of you aren’t compatible. 

It feels like an endless cycle of hopelessness at times. You’ll watch your friends fall in love and try to empathize with that kind of unfiltered joy that comes with knowing somebody loves you just as much as you love them, but you fall flat when the reality weighs in. You don’t think you’ve ever fallen in love or have felt anything remotely close to falling for someone so deeply that you lose yourself in it. It’s probably a good thing, but the yearning doesn’t seem to end even though you know it’s for the best. 

Pinning all of the qualities you’d want in a boyfriend on the stranger next door seemed like a safe bet because you never thought about the possibility of getting to know him. Sunghoon is someone who is as quiet as a mouse, never making too much noise when he’s in his apartment. He’s a model tenant who always pays his bills on time and never causes a disturbance to the building. Facing the reality that is perceiving him as anything but what your imagination conjured up makes you a little uneasy. You admire from afar but the idea of a hot guy looking in your direction makes you feel somewhat unworthy of their attention. 

“I’ll think about it,” is all you offer. Heeseung seems to be pleased at your answer and doesn’t pry any further. “Are you done with work?”

“Yup. I decided everything else could wait until Monday and sent my assistant home.” 

“Look at us being good managers.”

“We’re everything we said we would ve and then some.” Heeseung grabs your pea coat from the closet and helps you put it on when you round the corner of your desk one sleeve at a time. “Do you remember Song Bitna?”

“How could I ever forget,” you scoff, retrieving your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. “She used to make us run laps and get upset that our work wasn’t completed.”

“She made me go on more personal errands than anything work related. It’s a wonder how I managed to get promoted.”

You push the door to your office open and say goodnight to your remaining coworkers. “There’s a reason why we’re here and she isn’t. It’s good to know we aren’t shitty bosses.”

“I hope so. Sometimes I get in my own head and wonder if I’m managing everything correctly. I want my assistant to learn from me, you know?” Heeseung allows you to step into the elevator before walking in after you. 

“Yeah, but you’re good at everything you do. You should have more faith in yourself.” He nudges your shoulder with his own.

“You should take your own advice.” You bite your lip and look down at the floor. “You’ve got a week. Think about it, okay?”

“I will.” 

“I was serious about the promotion as well. I’ll put in a good word but you should consider talking to the division lead.”

Classic Heeseung. He looks out for you in more ways than one. 

***

The weekend flies by too quickly for your liking and you find yourself at your desk on a Wednesday afternoon with a cup of tea sitting between your hands to warm up your palms. The building’s central heater stopped working a few hours into the workday, leaving you and many other office workers disgruntled and cold. You shut all of your windows and paced around your office to keep your blood circulating throughout your body. The morning was fairly productive until the heating went out and you've spent the last hour replying to emails with cold fingers, pushing any and all thoughts of Sunghoon out of your mind. 

You haven’t seen him since last Friday. Sunghoon doesn’t seem to have a routine that he sticks to–one that you can identify, anyway–because you didn’t run into him for the past three days. You waited anxiously by the elevator to see if he would come barreling down the hallway and ask you to hold the door for him, but each day was met with empty silence before stepping into Heeseung’s car. 

True to your word, you spent Saturday trying to convince yourself to ask if he’d be interested in coming with you to Jake’s housewarming party. You’d wane from decision to decision, telling yourself there’s nothing inherently wrong with asking somebody if they want to hang out, but the irrational side of your brain convinced you that it would be weird to open up that kind of dialogue with a stranger. You don’t know anything about him and he doesn’t know the first thing about you. But that’s what getting to know someone consists of, doesn’t it? 

Before you knew it, Sunday came around and it was starting to get dark outside your window. The urge to curl up into your blankets and spend the rest of the evening watching Netflix was too tempting. The more you watched your TV, the more you stared at your front door. It would take a minute, maybe two at the most, to ask Sunghoon if he’d like to come with you to Jake’s. The worst thing he could do is decline your invitation. He seemed nice enough on Friday when he saw you wearing the ugly sweater and you suppose he’d be nice about letting you down gently. But even so, rejection stings. 

Your feet carried you outside of your apartment door to knock on his. You waited with your heartbeat loud in your ears but heard nothing from the other end of the door. When you peeked down at the small gap below you, there weren’t any shadows or anything indicating that Sunghoon was home. Still, you knocked once more for good measure and waited thirty seconds to see if he would open the door. Even though the most logical explanation is that your neighbor wasn’t home, heat crept up your neck and splashed onto your cheeks as you quickly made your way back inside of your apartment. With the twist of the lock behind you, your couch and TV brought some much needed comfort and distraction from feeling embarrassed. 

Heeseung hadn’t asked you about Sunghoon on Monday or Tuesday, but seemed to remember when Jake sent a reminder earlier this morning. He swung by your office as the temperature dipped and you updated him on what transpired over the weekend with a defeated sigh. Ever the optimist, Heeseung told you to try again tonight since you might have a better chance at catching Sunghoon during a weeknight. 

The day goes by slower than you’d like and when Heeseung drops you off at your apartment, you make a dash for your sanctuary and rid yourself of the day’s grime by spending a long time underneath the hot shower. Work is simultaneously ramping up and slowing down as everyone is trying to complete projects before winter recess and you feel all of the tension leave your body once the hot water soothes over your shoulder blades. It’s still relatively early in the evening when your hair is half dry and you’ve just finished eating dinner. The entire time you wash your dirty dishes, your mind can’t help but wander towards Sunghoon and what Heeseung said earlier about trying to ask him again. Surely he’s in his apartment at this hour on a Wednesday evening. 

You decide to bite the bullet. After grabbing the cardigan that rests on the back of your couch, you put it on and decide against changing into your shoes since you’ll be stepping out for just a few minutes. Sunghoon’s door stares back at you as you close your own behind you and this time, you can hear the soft sounds of R&B behind it. 

This makes your heart rate pick up speed because the real possibility that you’ll be face to face with Sunghoon becomes too real for you to handle. You could barely utter complete sentences to him last week. What makes you think you could do it now? The same scenarios of rejection and humiliation ruminate in your mind the longer you stand outside. You contemplate going back inside but the thought of telling Heeseung you chickened out and seeing a potentially disappointed expression on his face makes you knock on Sunghoon’s door. 

Unlike the last time, you hear the sound of slippers shuffling against a hardwood floor. The lights are on from what you can tell underneath the gap of the door and you start to panic when you see a shadowy figure blocking that light. You assume Sunghoon must be looking through the peephole and resist the urge to fix your hair in case it looks horrible. The door opens momentarily.

“Hey. What’s up?” Sunghoon wears a pair of dark green sweatpants and a large graphic t-shirt that makes him look like the stereotypical boy next door. You look up at him and gulp.  

“Sorry to bother you,” you apologize, suddenly feeling a lump growing in the back of your throat. 

“You’re not bothering me,” Sunghoon says it with a smile. He opens the door wider. “Do you want to come inside?” You don’t really want to because you’re afraid you might trip and fall on your way inside, but you take up his offer anyway.

“Sure.” It comes out as a squeak.

His apartment is tidy and well kept with artwork adorning the walls in his living room. It’s more spacious than your own and his furniture makes the room look bigger than it probably is, with couches against the wall and a large TV in front of it. There are photographs hung in silver frames and pictures of people you don’t recognize, along with shelves of knick knacks and other small statues you assume are artwork he’s acquired over time. Sunghoon’s living room gives you the impression that he’s somebody who cares about taking care of himself and his space. He sees that you’re particularly drawn to the photo gallery on his wall and you feel him standing next to you.

“I took most of these pictures.” 

“Are you a photographer?”

“Not professionally, no. Photography is a hobby of mine.” 

“You’re really good.” 

“Thank you.” Sunghoon looks at you before averting his gaze back to the photo wall. “My mom gave me my first camera when I was eleven and I took it with me everywhere I went. Are you a photographer too?” 

You shake your head. “Oh no, I don’t have an artistic eye like you do. But I appreciate good photos when I see them, or so I’d like to think.” Sunghoon smiles at that.

“I’m glad you think my photographs are worthy of praise. This is the first photo I ever took.” He points to an image of a young girl in the center of the photo gallery, whose short arms are reaching for the camera. She wears an infectious smile on her face that reveals a dimple on the side of her cheek. 

“Wow, you were really good even back then. Who is she, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

“That’s my younger sister,” Sunghoon says with a fond smile. “I got this camera on my birthday and she wanted to see it after my dad helped me set it up. I think this might be my favorite photo I’ve ever taken.” 

“It’s a great shot.” You compliment Sunghoon sincerely and turn your head to look at him. He clears his throat. 

“What is it that you came here for?” 

“Oh, right!” Sheepishly balancing on both of your feet, you clasp your hands behind your back and lick your lips. “I, um, well…One of my best friends is hosting a housewarming party at his apartment, and I wanted to know if you’d like to come with me.” 

Sunghoon points at himself. “Me?” You nod. “I didn’t think we were that close.” You try not to let him see how embarrassed you are. 

“Sorry, it’s probably weird that I asked you even though we barely know each other, right?” It seems as though your brain cannot stop you from speaking, a habit you have every time you begin to feel nervous. You start to back away towards his front door. “It’s just that, well, we’ve been neighbors for almost a year and I thought to myself, why not make new friends? My friend told me to invite anybody I wanted to and we have a lot of the same friends, so I knew they’d be there too.” You wince at the sound of your voice. “Anyway, I’m sorry for bothering you and for asking.” 

Sunghoon shakes his head and grabs the doorknob before you can. “You’ve got it all wrong. I’m honored that you invited me, actually. Living by yourself gets kind of lonely at times. It’s nice to go somewhere that isn’t home for a few hours. I’m a bit of an introvert and would like to make more friends.” 

“You don’t seem like an introvert to me,” you blurt out before slapping your palm over your mouth. “I mean, you’re doing just fine with me.”

He smiles at you. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

“My friend’s a great host and loves meeting new people. You’ll make at least one friend by the time you leave. Even if you don’t, there’s gonna be food there, so you’ll have a free meal out of it.” 

“Should I bring anything?” 

You shake your head. “Don’t worry about it.” 

“I feel like I shouldn’t come there empty handed if it’s a housewarming.” 

“I’m making peppermint brownies,” you tell him. “I’ll say it’s from both of us.” 

Sunghoon seems to be satisfied with your answer. “When’s the party?” 

“This Saturday at six. We could, uh, go together? If you want to, that is.” 

“It makes sense to go together. Do you drive? I can drive us if you don’t.” 

“No, I don’t drive.” Your cheeks feel warm at your admission and you don’t know why your inability to operate a car makes you feel a bit bashful. Sunghoon doesn’t seem to mind, though. 

“Okay, I’ll drive us. Where does your friend live?”

“Not too far. He’s about twenty minutes from us.” 

“I’ll knock on your door around 5:30,” Sunghoon says with a single nod. He reaches around you to open his door for you. 

“Sounds good!” Sunghoon smiles and waves before saying goodnight. You watch him as the door closes and rush back into your apartment with your heart hammering in your chest as you sit on your couch and text Heeseung about everything that just transpired. When he asks if you asked for Sunghoon’s number, you slouch. You didn’t think about that and now you’re too embarrassed to back and ask for it. 

Three days pass by quicker than you anticipated and your plate of peppermint brownies sits covered in tin foil on your kitchen counter as you wait for Sunghoon to knock on your door. You spent the entirety of the day worrying about the sweet treat and giving yourself enough time to get ready. Perhaps it’s a bit worrisome that you spent a good chunk of time standing in front of your closet to pick an outfit for tonight, but you want to make a good first impression on Sunghoon without the ugly sweater or pajamas you wore when you invited him to Jake’s party. 

You settle with flattering jeans and a nice top with an oversized leather jacket and find yourself wondering what kind of lipstick you should put on. It feels silly to worry about these things for a person who likely wouldn’t notice that type of effort, so you settle with something that compliments your skin tone but isn’t too over the top for a casual hang out. It’s just before 5:30 when you hear your doorbell ring and your heart rate perks up at the thought of Sunghoon waiting for you. 

“Hey,” you say to Sunghoon pathetically.. Sunghoon’s wearing a light grey quarter zip sweater with a few buttons hanging loose and black trousers. You avoid gawking at him from the threshold of your doorway, but it’s hard not to. 

“Long time no see,” he jokes. “Are you ready to head to the party?” His questions bring your eyes back to his face and you smile at him awkwardly. 

“Can you hold this for a second?” You hand Sunghoon the bag with Jake’s ugly sweater. “Let me get the brownies.” You barely register that Sunghoon’s holding a bag of his own until you walk back with the dessert, successfully locking your door without dropping your keys. “What's in the bag?” 

Sunghoon looks at you sheepishly. “I went out and bought some wine because I’d feel bad taking credit for your brownies when I didn’t help make them. There’s some soju in there too because I started to overthink and wondered if any of your friends drank wine.” 

You beam at Sunghoon. How thoughtful of him. “Wine and soju are perfect. The guys will probably drink that up before you get the chance to introduce yourself and I’ll happily drink the wine. My friend Jay might, too.” 

“I’m excited to meet your friends,” Sunghoon says as the two of you walk side by side towards the elevator. He presses the button and lets you walk inside the contraption first. “It’s been a while since I got the chance to meet new people.”

“If they make you uncomfortable or anything, let me know and we can leave.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. If you like them, then so do I.”

“That doesn’t seem very introverted of you.” He smiles at you and shrugs.

“I’m trying to get out of my shell.” Sunghoon lets you step out of the elevator and guides you to his car. “I keep to myself most of the time but I have my moments. It’s easy to get lost in a city as busy as Seoul but sometimes it gets a bit lonely.” 

He unlocks the door and puts the sweater in the backseat, along with the brownie tray on the floor for extra stability. You watch him open the passenger door for you and smile as you climb inside. Even the interior of his car is orderly and pristine. Sunghoon has you typing in Jake’s address before the two of you hit the road. 

Sunghoon drives like an expert, weaving between lanes without causing collisions or disturbance to the traffic. He uses his turn signals, which you appreciate, and doesn’t get too angry when people cut him off unnecessarily. He looks a bit too good from where you’re sitting with his jawline looking sharper than the edge of a knife with the glow from headlights shining across his face. It’s a bit unfair how beautiful Sunghoon looks from where you are and you’re having a hard time believing someone as handsome as him is talking to someone as awkward as you. 

“Are you from Seoul?” you ask him in the midst of the silence. His music hums in the background and pairs well with the smooth sound of his car’s engine. 

“No, I’m not.” Sunghoon spares you a glance. “I’m from a small suburb just outside of Busan.”

“Do you miss it?” His smile falters and you almost regret asking.

“Sometimes, but I think I’ve found my footing here. I love the city life and I like that everything is so different and loud. There are a million ways to live your life and nobody expects you to follow a certain path.” 

“Yeah, I agree with that. I’m from a small fishing town a few hours away from here where everyone comes from a long line of farmers and fisherman. It’s hard to carry that burden and expectation when fishing is the last thing you want to do with your life.” 

“People have a crazy way of making you feel indebted, don’t you think?”

You nod. “Agreed. Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying my time in Seoul. I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to do, theoretically. Everyone back home used to tell me about the amount of bills I’d have to pay and how dangerous big cities are, but I’ve found a home here that I never felt back in my neighborhood. It’s like nobody knows who I am and I find comfort in that.” 

“I feel the same way. I can be whoever I want to be without people telling me it’s wrong. I don’t have to live my life by another person’s expectation and there are so many different things I could be doing with myself. How long have you been in Seoul? Have you visited your hometown at all?” 

“I’ve been here for eight years, if we count my university days, but I’ve been living here full time for four years. I went back home for a few months after graduating before getting the job I have now.” You play with your fingers as you speak, the feeling of guilt bubbling to the surface. “As for going home, well, I’ve been back but it’s hard to find the time with my job.”

“I understand that. I haven’t been home in a while either. I don’t really want to go back either.” You want to ask him why but don’t. 

“Does your younger sister still live there?” 

“She’s still back home and lives with our parents while he’s finishing up university in Busan, actually.” 

“Oh, that’s cool! It’s nice of your parents to let her stay at home while she studies.” Sunghoon smiles in a way you can’t decipher. 

“Yeah, really nice.” 

Sunghoon parks right in front of Jake’s apartment just when you’re starting to regret bringing up his family. You risk looking over at him and an apology sits on your tongue because it seems like a sore subject for him based on the short response, but Sunghoon exits the car and grabs the alcohol and the bag that contains the ugly sweater. You carry the brownies and feel a bit self conscious when you feel him walking behind you. Your shoes feel heavy around your feet and despite having been over to Jake’s apartment more times than you can count on both hands, you second guess every step you take on the way to his front door. 

“Thanks for bringing me here,” Sunghoon tells you after a beat of silence as you approach Jake's front door. You want to say something, but the door opening interferes with your thoughts. 

“Hey, you made it!” Jake ushers the two of you inside and by force of habit, you take off your shoes and out on the designated slippers you purposely left here when he first moved in. “Did you bring the sweater?” 

“The fact that you want to keep that ugly thing concerns me.” Heeseung gives you a hug and grabs the brownies from your hands as you struggle to take your coat off. “I’ll put this in the kitchen.” 

“Sunghoon has the sweater.” When you’re settled, you grab the paper bag and hand it to Jake. The warmth of his apartment feels comforting until you remember that your neighbor is a complete stranger in a new environment. You turn around to see him balancing awkwardly with a bag of alcohol behind his back. “Everyone, this is Sunghoon. Sunghoon, this is…everyone.” 

“Hey,” he says awkwardly, bringing his hand up to wave at your friends who’ve all gathered around to see the newcomer. Heeseung comes back after he’s put the dessert in the kitchen. The bottles in Sunghoon’s hands ring against one another, which makes Jake’s ears perk up. 

“Did you bring something?” 

“Wine and soju. She told me not to bring anything but I didn’t want to show up empty handed.” 

“I told him we could bring brownies together.” Jake makes a face at you and grabs the bag of alcohol from Sunghoon’s hands, pulling him further into the apartment. 

“Thank you, Sunghoon.” He turns back to you. “The thought that you could’ve deprived us of alcohol is insane, actually.” 

You purse your lips and fold your arms in front of your chest. “He could’ve brought everyone ear muffs, for all you know. What are you gonna do with them if your big ass ears can barely handle your headphones?” 

“Ignore them,” Heeseung says to Sunghoon as he approaches the two of you. “They fight like siblings. I’m Heeseung.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I’m starting to think you guys are either really close or secretly hate each other.” 

“I hate Jake and love everybody else.” Jake bumps your hip and smiles at you, and you find that you can’t keep up that faux attitude for very long. He pulls you into a hug before properly introducing himself to Sunghoon and walks to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and store the rest in his refrigerator. 

“Do you want a drink or some food? We have a little pot luck going on.”

“I could use a drink.”

Heeseung beckons Sunghoon towards the kitchen while Jay steps beside you, and your neighbor turns back to look at you before disappearing around the corner. “See? It’s not so scary once you take the first step.” 

“Your face was chiseled by God. You of all people don’t have to worry about rejection.”

Jay laughs at that. “Still, though. You’ve been talking about Sunghoon for so long that I was getting worried he might’ve been a figment of your imagination.” 

“I might be delusional, but I’m not crazy.”

“We all have our ways to cope.” You bump your shoulder with his. “You should know we’re all rooting for you and Sunghoon.” 

“Oh my God, it’s not like I pictured myself marrying him!” You whisper-yell loud enough for him to hear through gritted teeth and smack his bicep. “I just think he’s cute. The thought of being rejected by him scares the shit out of me.”

“He’s just a guy?” 

“A beautiful, charming guy.”

“Again, just a guy.” 

It’s his turn to make you laugh. “You always keep me grounded, Jongseong.” 

“Who else will? But anyway, you should also know that Jake decided to host this housewarming party because Heeseung told us you ran into him on your way to work.” 

“I don’t know whether to be flattered or weirded out by that.” 

“It’s Jake we’re talking about. He has his ways of showing it, but he’s a sentimental guy.” 

“I guess I should thank him if tonight goes well.”

“Don’t stress about anything too much.” Jay starts to walk towards the kitchen and beckons for you to follow him. “Let’s get you a drink.”

You spot Sunghoon first, who leans against Jake’s counter while he looks at all of the food your friends brought (Chick-Fil-A catering, because he’s been craving it and Heeseung offered to pay for half of it). There’s an impressive selection of alcohol beside the large platter of breaded chicken, and macaroni and cheese that smells like it’s just been pulled out of the oven. Sunghoon seems entertained enough with Jake fixing him a plate and opening a bottle of beer for him. You stand beside Jay and feel a bit silly worrying over whether or not your guest feels comfortable with your group of friends, but he seems to be doing okay because he isn’t searching for you. 

“How do you guys know each other?” 

“This one spilled coffee on me when we first met.” Heeseung laughs at the memory and the tips of his ears turn a deep shade of red. He’s talkative when he has enough alcohol in his system and the nostalgia makes you curl into yourself as Jay hands you a bottle of beer. Everyone looks at you when Heeseung points in your direction. 

“She’s really fucking clumsy.”

“Thanks for the commentary, Jake,” you say sarcastically. 

“We work together at a marketing agency and started around the same time,” Heeseung explains further. “She just moved to the city and we clicked on our first day.” 

“I met the other two through Heeseung, actually.” Sunghoon looks between Jay and Jake when you gesture, who each seem like they’ve also started drinking before you arrived. 

“We’re friends from college and we all decided to stay around the area after graduating.” Jay pours himself a glass of wine and you can see Sunghoon beginning to perk up when he notices. You find that kind of cute. 

“Heeseung’s the reason we’re all friends.” Jake pats his friend on the back. “It’s funny though because we actually all met her at his housewarming all those years ago too.” 

“Huh,” says Sunghoon. “What a coincidence. Sounds like you guys have a thing for housewarming parties.” 

“I’ll take up any excuse to host. It’s how we get her to come out of her shell.” Your cheeks warm up but you aren’t sure if it’s because of the alcohol or because everyone’s looking at you again. 

“She’s a bit of an introvert, but she’s really fun when you get to know her. Sorta like a diamond in the rough type of thing.” 

“Okay, wow! We don’t have to talk about me.” 

Jake points at a grocery store receipt on his refrigerator and grins. “This is the first time she bought groceries for me when I moved in a few months ago. She’s a bit sentimental and put this on when she came over for the first time. It’s nice, though.” 

“Oh my god,” you mutter. Sunghoon smiles at you and those fairytale-like butterflies in the pit of your stomach feel like they’re flying in a metal cage. 

“I like that you’re sentimental. You’re a little like me. I decided to come to this party because somebody else gave me the choice to be social.” 

“Yeah.” You’re a bit breathless and you’re sure Jay’s grinning beside you. “I get a bit intimidated when I do something different or meet new people.”

“Who doesn’t?” You suppose he’s right. 

“She’s incredible with gifts, too. Last year, she got me a signed guitar by my favorite musician because they worked on a campaign together.” Jay takes out his phone to show Sunghoon a photo of the autographed instrument. 

“So thoughtful,” Sunghoon says absentmindedly. It throws your heart in a loop.

“There is so much more to talk about beyond me,” you say, embarrassed that your friends are doting on you in front of Sunghoon. The attention is a bit too much and you grab another beer on your way out of the kitchen, choosing not to look back at the four boys who all laugh at your exit. 

The entire night goes smoother than you could’ve ever hoped for. Your friends leave the weird, overbearing protectiveness in the kitchen when you walk out of it and talk to Sunghoon like he’s their friend too. It still makes you a bit shy when they actively support you in this crush because you aren’t used to this level of care and trust in people. Affection makes you a bit uncomfortable and you wish it didn’t.

Sunghoon seems like he’s enjoying himself as well. You can tell he’s a little buzzed but stopped drinking halfway through the night to sober up by the time he has to drive. Even in your inebriated state, you appreciate his sense of responsibility. He’s rolled the sleeves of his quarter zip up and you try your best not to drool over his toned arms every time he moves his hands when he talks. Sunghoon looks so effortlessly cool when with your friends and it’s almost as if he’s known the three of them for as long as you’ve known them to the point where you’re questioning if he’s truly an introvert or not. 

It’s this level of comfort that keeps you in Seoul. Surrounding yourself with people who support you unconditionally feels like a reward after spending your childhood wishing for the friends you have now. It feels like everybody has a place in your life because you’ve done the work to keep people who love you for who you are rather than somebody they assume you to be. It’s nice to let go of the high walls you’ve built around yourself for protection. 

Eventually, half of the alcohol is gone and so has all of the food. Jake’s had a bit of influence over your drunken state because as he puts it, he’s the host and needs to make sure everybody is having a good time. You’re not one to blame him though, since you’ve been accepting every shot and drink he’s put in your hand. Jay’s the one who prevents Jake from giving you anything more when he sees the way you’re swaying in your spot on the floor where all of you have formed a circle. 

Jake returns from the kitchen after throwing away empty bottles. “Damn, so all of us are staying here for the holidays?”

“I haven’t decided if I’m staying or not, if that counts for anything. My parents are going to be in London but there’s a month and a half until Christmas, so I have some time to decide.” 

“Sunghoon, you’ve got to be crazy rich if you can afford to fly to Europe at the last minute.” You’re about to scold your friend but Sunghoon just laughs. 

“I suppose I’m a bit privileged like that. I’ve spent every holiday season back home and wanted to try something different this year.”

“What does Christmas in your hometown look like?” 

“Really cold. Almost as cold as Seoul when the snow begins to fall. We take Christmas seriously since we’re primarily known as a holiday destination for people who like that kind of stuff. A lot of our publicity revolves around the holidays, so my city is a little bit like a winter wonderland. At least, that’s what they want you to believe.” 

“Sounds like the perfect place for you,” Heeseung says as he nods over at you. 

“Why’s that?” 

“She loves Christmas. She can’t get enough of it and does everything holiday-related as soon as summer ends.” 

“Do you like Christmas that much?” Sunghoon asks you with apprehension in his tone.

“You don’t?” 

Sunghoon shrugs at your small outburst. “Our whole thing is about Christmas and holiday festivities. It gets a little old when you’re surrounded by it all the time” 

“Sounds like a dream.” He smiles at you. 

“I’m sure you’d like it there. My parents love the holidays and go all out every year. It’s a bit corny but they’re wholesome people and I know they love their country as much as anyone else.”

“She always knows what’s going on around town if it has anything to do with the holidays,” Jake tells him. 

“Oh, really?”

“Did you know there’s gonna be a Christmas market right next to Yonsei? They’re gonna be selling a bunch of baked goods and decorative stuff. I heard their food trucks are really good.” 

Jay chimes in. “We should go next weekend.” Jake elbows his ribcage. “Actually, you two should go together.” 

“Us?” Sunghoon points between him and yourself. 

“Yeah, why not?” Jake shrugs like it’s the most obvious answer. “She’s a huge fan of the holidays and you’ve never experienced it here. Why not see what Christmas in Seoul looks like?” 

“I’m not big on those kinds of things.” Your heart plummets and you don’t really know why. You put a smile on your face anyway. 

“You don’t have to do anything, Sunghoon. I don’t mind doing these things alone and you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to.” 

There is an indescribable look on Sunghoon’s face when you finish speaking and the living room is completely silent. He peeks at you through his long eyelashes and it feels as if he’s inspecting you from where he sits. Neither of your friends say anything either and you’re one second from awkwardly laughing when you realize nobody’s saying anything until Sunghoon speaks up again. 

“I’ll go with you.” 

“You really don’t have to.” 

He cocks his head to the side. “It sounds like you’re really excited about it. I might be tired of Christmas but maybe you can change my mind.” 

His words fly right over your head and Heeseung can see it in the way you beam at the mention of Sunghoon’s proposal. Even he hears the absurdity of it all when he looks at Sunghoon, who doesn’t spare anybody else a glance. You try to contain your excitement and keep smiling to a minimum, but you feel your cheeks harden anyway and Sunghoon smiles right back at you. 

“We could go tomorrow!” 

“You’ve had quite a bit to drink,” Heeseung reminds you. “Maybe next weekend?” 

“You, of all people, should know that I don’t get hangovers. I'm too excited just thinking about it.”

“We can go tomorrow if you’re not too tired. I can check in with you when I wake up. How does 10 AM sound?” 

You sigh, content. “Perfect.” 

When the conversation starts to die down naturally, everybody seems to be under the impression that it’s time to go. You say goodbye to your friends and thank Jake for hosting the party, choosing not to tell him what Jay had revealed to you earlier. Sunghoon seems like he had a great time because as you’re putting your shoes on, you see him exchanging numbers with everybody else. Sunghoon carries the empty tray that was once filled with dessert and tells Jake to keep the rest of the alcohol, no doubt solidifying him as someone he’d want to keep around. The drive back to your apartment feels too long for your liking and your body feels heavy when the two of you arrive at your respective doors. 

“Thanks for driving. I promise I don’t usually get this drunk.” You hiccup. “Well, okay, that’s a lie. I only get this drunk when I’m with this specific group of friends.” 

“It’s fine. It’s nice to let go every once in a while.” 

You look up at him. “Did you have fun?” 

“I did,” he says with a single, firm nod. “Your friends are really funny. I was kind of worried about it on the way here because I tend to be really quiet when I meet new people for the first time, but it felt like we knew each other already.” 

“They knew about you.”

“Did they?” 

“Mhm.” You hiccup again. “I told them about my new neighbor a while ago and thought you looked cool, but I’m a little awkward, you know? I don’t really know how to talk to people without someone else acting as a buffer.” 

“Could've fooled me. You did just fine.” 

“That’s because you saw me in Jake’s ugly fucking sweater.” You make a face at the memory, cheeks heating up at the look on Sunghoon’s face when his eyes roamed from the fabric to your face. “You called me ugly.” 

Sunghoon laughs. “I called the sweater ugly. Not you.” 

“You don’t think I’m ugly?” Your question catches Sunghoon off guard, but you’re already fishing for your apartment keys when he looks at you. 

“No, I don’t.” You don’t seem to be paying attention to him as you successfully jam your keys into the lock on the second try. He sees a peek inside when you open the door and watches you stumble inside before latching onto the doorknob to balance yourself. 

“Thanks for coming with me, Sunghoon. I’m really glad you had fun. I think my friends like you a lot.”

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. They’re a little protective over me and like to make sure any guy I hang out with is cool. You know how it is.” Sunghoon holds the door open for you while you take your shoes off and throw your purse somewhere on your couch before turning around to look at him. 

“I mean it, though. Thanks for coming and dealing with me and my friends. We’re a little bit of a handful.” 

He smiles and shakes his head. “Not in the way you think. It’s nice that you have people in your life that you can be yourself around and it seems like they love you just as much as you love them.” 

“I really love my friends. But don’t tell them I said that.” Sunghoon pretends to zip his mouth shut. 

“Your secret's safe with me.” You look at him with an unreadable expression, but it gets replaced with a tired smile. 

“Sleep well, okay? My friends are your friends.” 

“You’re so generous,” he says with a laugh. You take a step forward but retract when the sober part of your brain reminds you that the two of you aren’t likely close enough to give each other a hug goodbye. 

“...Do you still want to come to the Christmas market with me tomorrow?” 

“I’ll give you one chance to convince me that the holidays are fun, but only if you wake up without a hangover.” He laughs when you give him a mock salute.

“I don’t get hangovers, remember?” You tap the side of your head with your pointer finger. Sunghoon smiles down at you before pulling his phone from the back of his pocket. 

“I should probably get your number too.” 

“Oh.” He hands it to you and your fingers suddenly feel numb. You manage to type your number and try to think of something cute and quirky to put as your contact, ultimately settling with your name followed by the ‘:)’ symbol. It’s casual but you think it makes you stand out from generic contact names, as Sunghoon seems like the kind of guy who keeps everything straight to business. 

“I’ll text you so you have my number too.” You pull out your phone when you see him typing. 

Unknown: It’s Sunghoon! :) 

You feel like a creep trying to bite back a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t push yourself if you wake up too tired but promise me you’ll try to get some sleep tonight.” 

“I promise. Goodnight, Sunghoon.”

***

You aren’t sure whether you’re pleased or not when you wake up at eight o’clock on the dot with no chance of falling back asleep in sight. You turn to see that your phone is fully charged and force yourself to  leave your warm, comfortable bed to prepare yourself for the day. You don’t respond to the text Sunghoon sent last night and don’t know if he’s going to keep up his end of the bargain and go with you to the Christmas market, but you decide to get ready in the event that he was serious about it. 

Your friends text you too, both in the group chat and separately. Heeseung, as always, is telling you not to overthink anything and enjoy spending time with your neighbor crush. He tries to be as encouraging as he can but can’t help slipping in a few jokes here and there about how fast you’re growing up (even though you’re only a few months younger than he is). Jay sends you words of encouragement too, but he keeps it straight to the point and tells you to buy him something that you think he’d like if you stumble across anything. Jake, on the other hand, makes far too many inappropriate jokes that you have no choice but to laugh. You feel something akin to a high school crush getting ready for a first date even though this isn’t technically a date. 

You’ve managed to pull yourself together and see that the time is half past nine when you check the clock. Sunghoon hasn’t texted you at all today so you take the liberty to let him know you’re awake and hope you don’t come off as pushy or overly eager. But he responds in kind and tells you he’s getting ready and will be knocking on your door soon. 

True to his word, Sunghoon stands at your doorstep when it’s 10 AM.

“You look so cozy,” he says. 

Never mind that you’re swearing something you deemed cute and casual that pairs well with the low temperature outside along with the snowfall from last night. Sunghoon steps out looking like a model himself with his tailored trousers, a graphic shirt, and a denim jean jacket. He looks like the epitome of every girl’s fantasy of the boy next door once again.

“You look really good.” You say it before you can catch yourself and he laughs. 

“You think so?” Your eyes snap up at him as you frantically close your door behind you and lock it.  

“Will you be warm enough in that?” 

“I’ll be fine, but I appreciate your concern.” You frown when he starts to lead you towards the elevator. 

“If you say so.” You see a small silver camera peeking out of his pockets. “What’s that?” 

He pulls it out for you to see. “It’s a Z155 film camera. I got it before moving to Seoul and wanted to learn how to photograph with this type of camera. Cool, right?” 

Your worries dissipate the more you walk through your neighborhood and onto the outdoor market you’ve had bookmarked for weeks. Perhaps it’s the warm coffee amidst the chilly winter that excited you, or the handmade decorations that seem far too inexpensive for what they’re worth, but your face lights up when you walk through the aisles. There are too many vendors for you to look at and the overwhelming feeling perks up in your chest when you see different people trying to attract customers. But you’d argue that’s one of your favorite parts; hearing people talk about why they love the holidays so much brings you a sense of joy and fulfillment you don’t feel elsewhere. Sunghoon is a good sport about it too despite being a bit apprehensive at first. He graciously paid for your coffee and breakfast consisting of a warm butter croissant. It melts on your tongue and you regret not buying a second one.

People always ask you why you love the holidays so much and you tell them it’s because there’s no greater joy than being surrounded by your loved ones into the new year. You’ve always been a fan of winter despite the sun setting earlier than it does in the summer. Doing winter-related things in the appropriate season makes you happy, especially if you manage to drag one of your friends along for the ride. You draw the line at caroling, though. That’s taking it a bit too far. 

But the real reason is that Christmastime and the beginning of snowfall always marks a vicious cycle of wishing you could be anywhere but the present. Your childhood was riddled with uncertainties and walking on eggshells around your family and friends, and your household often felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You were too afraid of making a mistake and chose to retreat within yourself, operating under the assumption that pleasing everybody else was how to protect yourself and your feelings. 

Prior to moving to Seoul, the start of the cold season was a reminder that your life wasn’t as picture perfect as you liked to imagine it was. No amount of television shows or fictitious scenarios running through your head before falling asleep would ever negate the neglect and absent feeling of joy in your heart as autumn turned into winter. You used to bide your time by hoping the months would roll past you until the springtime arrived. It always felt humiliating to hear your friends tell you about their vacations and all of the presents they received that year when the most your family could do was keep the lights on. That emptiness in the depths of your heart felt like it was void of feeling anything at all, and the holidays served as a reminder that things wouldn’t get better. 

It’s no surprise when Sunghoon turns to you as you both walk through the aisles of jewelry and artwork vendors when he asks you why you love Christmas so much. Somehow, you can’t bring yourself to give the rehearsed spiel you reserve for people who don’t know you very well, and instead give him a half-truth.  

“This time of year is hard for some people and I used to feel like the world would stop spinning if I didn’t try to be at least a little happy when I moved to Seoul a few years ago. I was all alone for the first time in my entire life and barely knew anybody, and had to come up with my own way of cheering myself up since I spent it alone. I did a bunch of things by myself, like going to holiday markets or ice skating. I didn’t mind the solitude that much.” 

“Were you friends with Heeseung and the guys at that time?” 

“Barely. Heeseung and I were only coworkers back then but we sat across from each other every day to be friendly. But I didn’t know him as well as I do now and had a few roommates who went back home for a couple of weeks. It was pretty lonely and I hated feeling like I was stuck when I was the one who wanted to move to the big city.” 

“I think I understand. Christmas is a reminder of overcoming hardship for your first time living by yourself.” 

You nod, a bit relieved that he understands you a little bit. “Kind of, yeah. I didn’t grow up in the happiest household and wanted to do something good for myself since I left my hometown. It feels like a shame if I don’t at least try.” 

“I think that’s the most profound thing anybody has ever said to me.” 

“I sound like one of those generic books with corny quotes.” 

“Can’t be corny if it’s true.” 

You smile at him. “I’ve become a lot better about being positive and optimistic since getting to know the guys, too. Hanging out with them during my second year in Seoul made me realize I wasn’t as alone as I thought I was, and even when they all went home to visit their families, I didn’t feel like the world was collapsing around me when I was alone for a few days. It felt nice to trust people and realize that people cared about me the way I wanted them to.”

“They sound like really great friends.”

“They are. I don’t know what I’d do without them, if I’m being totally honest. I think my mom was worried about me for the first year of me living here because I barely talked about meeting anybody. She used to complain that I always talked about work and that I stayed in too much on the weekends. I used to think she was just berating me but I get it now.”

“Sounds like she wanted you to get out and have fun.” 

“Yeah. I guess my mom was trying to tell me to get a life without directly telling me. She loves it when I send her pictures of myself outside of my apartment and I fill her in on things I’ve been up to that don't have to do with my career. She’s proud of me in that sense but always reminds me that there’s more to life than my job.”

“You have a great mom, from what I can tell. She has your best interest at heart and I think it’s sweet of her to care about you so much. What about your dad? Do you talk to him at all?” 

You look to the ground. “No. He passed away four years ago.” 

“Oh.” Sunghoon nods silently and tucks his hands behind his back. “I’m sorry.” 

“There’s no need to be. It happened a long time ago.” 

Sunghoon nods from your peripheral vision. “Do you see your mom often? Does she visit you in Seoul?” 

You shake your head. “She works at a fish dock and can’t take a lot of time off.” 

“I see. Do you visit her, then?” 

You’re acutely aware of Sunghoon walking beside you but his footsteps fall deaf to your ears when you think about your mother and picture her throwing nets of fish into baskets to sell to merchants in the same afternoon. She wakes up hours before the sun rises to greet fishermen by the docks as soon as daylight breaks and leaves when the space is clean and the fish is sold. You picture her in rubber overalls and boots, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail with a mask covering the lower half of her face to avoid the scent of the fish even though she tells you she’s used to it by now. 

It was hard to deal with her waning hours in your childhood and you often yearned for her presence when you awoke to see no trace of her in your household. You had a knack for differentiating the difference in gait between her and your father, and hearing the heavier steps of his footsteps always made you disappointed. Feeling his presence outside of your bedroom door felt like it was a prison sentence.

In a town that seldom encourages any lifestyle aside from fishing and farming, you always find a bit of solace in creative writing clubs and the school musicals as a way to excuse yourself from the small town life. You’d picture yourself underneath a single spotlight, standing center stage where everybody in the audience regarded you as someone who’d make it far beyond the borders of the isolated town. You imagine them roaring in applause when you took your final bow with your mother sitting in the front row with a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

But life and finances were immediate priorities to keep the roof over your heads and the table full of food. The electricity bill was renewed solely by your mother’s efforts to keep the three of you afloat whereas your father could barely keep a job for longer than a few months before the inevitable discussion of his unemployment. You recall hearing hushed conversations that always escalated to loud arguments just outside of your bedroom door and shoved headphones into your ears to drown out the sound of an unhappy marriage. 

His absence was deafening and there were moments where you preferred a chaotic household over a quiet one. In the mere weeks that followed his death, life seemed to move on for your mother but not for you. She still woke up before dawn and never complained about the cold weather during the winter months or the heavy rainfalls in the summer. Whereas she endured life as if he hadn’t passed, you carried the weight of emotional neglect and dissonance of your relationship with him. 

The funeral was a month later and his cremated remains were spread along the larger lake nearby because he always said he would never choose to move away from water. The boat ride to the deepest part of the lake was uncomfortable and frustrating as your mother and two of his closest friends lamented over his passing, barely touching on the hardship he put your family through in his years being alive. It seemed like everyone was able to forgive him and move on as if every single person in his family went unscathed. Listening to them recite their happiest memories with him felt like a knife twisting in your heart until it stopped beating. 

Moving away was bittersweet, too. The neighborhood you grew up in never felt like a home to you but it would always be nostalgic. It was a plot of land with four walls and a roof, and yet the memories you’ve made haunt every corner of your street like a ghost that refuses to cross into the light. The grey walls look more dreary and dull than it had before and the large tree that grew on the lawn was cut down after years of neglect. Your old house looked brand new and unrecognizable. Everything had changed too quickly for your liking. Even when you packed your last box in the moving van, the emptiness of your bedroom felt like you were saying goodbye to a part of your life you’d never yearn for again. You’ve never looked back since. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought that up.” Sunghoon brings you out of your temporary stupor. 

“It’s alright. I didn’t mean to get lost in my thoughts.” 

He gently knocks his shoulder into yours. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“I don’t think talking about even more depressing things is gonna put you in the holiday spirit.” 

“Keeping them to yourself just to make other people comfortable won’t put you in the holiday spirit either.” You know he’s right and begin to gnaw at your inner cheek. 

“I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“The nice thing about having friends is that you can say whatever you want and they won't judge you.” Sunghoon smiles at you like he means it. His eyes twinkle underneath the sun and, even if for a moment, you feel like he’s right. 

“My mom and I are close, even if we don’t talk every single day. She works at a fishing dock and that takes up most of her time, and I work at one of the busiest marketing agencies in Korea, which eats up my week. We find the time to talk to each other and I tell her almost everything. I don’t think there’s a secret of mine she doesn’t know. 

“But even so, I love her too much to ever tell her how I’m barely handling everything. It's like I’ve been running into a brick wall every time I try to walk away from grieving. It’s always been the two of us even when he was alive. She raised me the best she could because he was always physically there, but never emotionally present for either of us. His passing left so many questions unanswered and unresolved feelings but it seems like she’s moved on from it.” 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“It was a long time ago. My dad and I were never that close. There were a few good memories that I think about from time to time, but sometimes they’re ruined by all of the bad things I think about when I think about him. It’s an endless cycle of self sabotaging and I can’t stop myself from doing it. My mom wants me to visit her for a weekend during the holidays and she keeps asking me when I want to come home, but I keep pushing it off because I can’t bring myself to go back to a place that made me unhappy.” 

Sunghoon remains quiet beside you. When you take a peek at him, he looks as if he’s deep in thought as he looks ahead at the environment and watches the children play on the nearby playground. His eyebrows are furrowed only slightly and his mouth forms a downward pout, and you’re left wondering what he's thinking about. 

Finally, he speaks. “Do you feel guilty for putting it off?” 

“Yeah, I do.” 

“It’s almost like you know it's the right thing to do but you can’t bring yourself to do it. People teach you that family is everything, but when they force you to act and feel a certain way, it’s like you’re suffocating.”

“It’s like you took the words right out of my mouth. I keep telling her I’d think about it but I always feel guilty because it’s just an excuse to put off making a decision. I’d feel guilty if I don’t go, but I can’t bring myself to make that trip, even if she’s just a few hours away.” 

“My parents are a bit similar. They’ve given me more than I could ever ask for, and yet I still feel selfish for wanting to explore myself without them right behind me.” 

“I feel like an awful daughter every time I don’t agree to go home. I know she can tell I feel hesitant about it. I don't want to make her worry and I wish this feeling would go away. I can’t face my fears yet.” 

“Pardon if this is a difficult question for you, but…Is your father the main reason why you don’t want to go back?” 

“Yes.” You answer him meekly, as if telling the truth above a whisper will send you straight to purgatory. “I can’t walk in my neighborhood without hearing the sound of his voice when he yelled at me. Being in my house makes me think of all the times he’d threaten to throw me onto the streets for something as stupid as forgetting to wash the dishes. That place is a carousel of bad memories that I never want to think about ever again.”

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s normal for me now but it doesn’t make me feel any better if I try to frame it as ordinary. It doesn’t hurt me on most days. I push him out of my mind and focus on the present but the holidays are when I start to think about him and my childhood the most. I’ve never had a peaceful winter. There was always something going on and either Christmas or New Year’s was always ruined.”

“Is that why you love the holidays so much? To override your bad memories and create new ones?” 

“Yes. I never want to feel the way that I did before he passed away and having my friends here with me makes me forget about how sad I get when October rolls around. The weather gets colder but I try to do everything I can to think about how much I have to look forward to now that I’ve got so much time to do whatever I want. I learned that I can’t rely on somebody else to make me feel like I have something to live for.” 

“That’s admirable of you and I hope you know that.” 

“I don’t know if I’d put it that way.”

Sunghoon shakes his head. “It is, though. It sounds like you had a rough childhood and your mom was spread thin with her job that it left you with someone who couldn’t take care of you. I can hear it in the way you talk. You’ve got this determination inside of you whether you realize it or not.”

“Sometimes I feel like it’s all for nothing. I wake up and live my life but it doesn't feel like I’m getting better.”

“You have your whole life ahead of you to understand the grieving process and work through that. You’ll never know if you don’t stick around to find out, will you?” 

“No, I suppose not.” 

“My parents put a lot of pressure on me to perform well in everything. Bad grades weren’t acceptable and I juggled a few different sports to fill my free time. It always felt like they set me on a path that I needed to follow instead of allowing me to figure out myself on my own. I know they meant well and I know they loved me, but sometimes I wonder if they’d love me knowing that I want something different than their future for me. 

“How do you handle it?” 

“I don’t.” Sunghoon shrugs nonchalantly and the hard snow underneath his foot crunches loudly as you near the end of the aisleway. “I keep putting it off like you do. I’m here in Seoul because they agreed to let me explore the city for a while until it’s time for me to return and discuss the future they want for me.” 

“What do they expect you to do?”

Sunghoon purses his lips. “They want me to take over the family business. My father is adamant that I come home and take it seriously because he’s planning on retiring soon and trusts me to be the person who handles everything. They run a local grocery market chain and love that lifestyle but it’s not for me. I want to be here in Seoul and figure out what my life is supposed to look like without them holding onto the dream that I’ll run the company. They’ve made good money off of it and found success as they’re starting to expand, but I don't want to have any part in it.

“I majored in business and operations when I was in university but hated every second of it. I always felt like I was grinding myself to the bones but I did it to make them happy. I never felt like I got the chance to do anything I wanted to do until they agreed to let me move here.” 

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d run a grocery store chain.”

Sunghoon beams at that. “I don’t think so either. I like to think of myself as pretty creative but I don’t know what to do with that. I didn’t take any photography classes in college and I feel like my time is running up.” 

“The beauty of time is that there’s so much of it. You can do anything you want, whenever you want.” 

“Thanks. I’ve been taking a few photography classes here and there.” He pulls out the camera from his pocket and lets you look at it. “Lately, this is how I’ve been getting my creative fix. It feels good to do anything other than learning about how grocery stores operate. I couldn’t care less about that and I feel like myself when I’m behind the camera.” 

“I like that you’re so passionate about photography, Sunghoon. I can hear how much you love it by how you’re talking about it. It’s nice to hear people talk about their hobbies.” 

“He tries to hide a smile but fails, and instead turns the camera on and holds it above his eye. “Can I take a picture of you?” 

“Me?” 

He pulls it away and grins. “Yes, you. Who else would I be talking to?” You stand beside a large collection of snowglobes and pick one up as Sunghoon points the camera at you again. 

“You could’ve been talking to this snowglobe for all I know.” 

“Too bad. I want to take a photo of you. Smile for me.” 

Reluctantly, you do and see the flash go off before putting the snowglobe down and apologizing to the vendor, who doesn’t seem to be displeased with what transpired in front of her. Sunghoon thanks her too with a short bow before turning his camera off and tucking it back inside of his pocket. 

“The fun of film photography is seeing the pictures when they develop. As much as I love learning about lighting and composition, I like it when I don’t think too hard about the photos I take and seeing which ones come out good and which ones don't. It’s always a gamble but it's a safe bet.”

“You’re lucky. I don’t have an artistic bone in my body.” 

He cocks his head. “Maybe not in the way you think you do. Your friends were talking my ear off about how cool you are when it comes to your work. Heeseung told me you’re considering applying for a promotion because of your recent campaigns.” 

You blush and look away from him. “It’s nothing. I don’t think that’s really creative.” 

“You’re amazing, even if you don’t realize it. I think it’s cool that you work so closely with clients and help their vision come to life.” This feels like too kind of a thing for Sunghoon to say after having known you for such a short amount of time, but you can’t deny and say you don’t feel your heart fluttering with every compliment he gives you. 

Instead of responding by stuttering over your words, you drag Sunghoon through the remainder of the market and enjoy multiple warm cups of hot cocoa and try all of the desserts they have to offer. You end up buying a few things for your friends to add to their holiday gifts, even though they’ve been sitting in your bedroom for the past few weeks. Sunghoon reluctantly allows you to cover the lunch bill when you bring up how he bought every beverage and dessert the two of you have tried. He sees you signing the back of the receipt after writing today’s date.

“Why do you do that?” 

You hold the receipt up. “This?” 

“Yeah. Why do you sign it?” 

“I like keeping mementos of things. My fridge is covered in different letters, receipts, and artwork from friends and family. I have an entire box of receipts from important moments that I want to remember. I usually have the people I’m with sign them too and go through the receipts when I feel nostalgic.” 

“Do you think this moment is worth being nostalgic over?” You blush. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

Sunghoon blushes too. “I think that’s really cute, actually.” You slide the pen over to him. 

“Do you want to sign it?” His signature looks like that of a movie star. Even his penmanship is perfect. “There. Now you can look at this receipt when you miss me.” 

“Or I could just knock on your door until you let me in.”

“What says I’ll let you in?” 

“Because I’m the best neighbor you will ever have and even though you say you don’t like Christmas, you have to admit that you’re having fun.” 

Sunghoon smiles at that. “Yeah, you could definitely say that. I might have to come over to your apartment to see this receipt box of yours.” Sunghoon looks at you with a smile that makes you weak in the knees. It feels like you’re the subject of a reality TV show and you’re waiting for the camera crew to come out of their hiding spots and tell you this is all for show, but that never happens. 

“You know where I live,” you say to him coyly, backing away slowly as you throw your trash away. “Knock on my door any time.” 

Sunghoon laughs and you think you’d rather die than never hear it again.

***

You don’t get the chance to see Sunghoon during the week because of your work schedule but find yourself texting him whenever you get the chance. Your evenings are for catching up on TV shows that are halfway completed and messaging him even though he lives across the hallway. He hasn’t made an effort to come over to your apartment and neither have you, but you find yourself making plans with him to go ice skating with him during the following weekend and choose to look forward to that instead of letting your insecurities get the better of you. 

Heeseung asks you for updates and you can’t help but divulge into the whole truth, including every small thing Sunghoon did or said that made you overthink when he dropped you off at your apartment. He’s attentive and teases you every time you get a bit too shy to tell him how much fun you had with Sunghoon but tells you he’s proud that you’re putting yourself out there and making a new friend. Heeseung tells you that he and your other friends have been texting Sunghoon as well and discovered that they share a lot of common interests, and that they’ve got loose plans to see each other for drinks in the future. It warms your heart to know your friends like Sunghoon enough to include him in things, which makes you feel a little crazy considering he isn’t your boyfriend and you’ve officially known him for about three weeks. 

You find yourself standing on ice skates when the weekend approaches and you’re surprised to see that the outdoor rink is empty for a Saturday afternoon. You’re better than the average skater thanks to a childhood interest in figure skating and buying a ticket to the outdoor rink at least once every winter season. Sunghoon tells you he picked it up as a hobby when he was younger but his agility when he glides on the ice tells you he’s better than he claims. 

It’s chilly and your gloves protect your hands from the biting chill. Sunghoon’s alabaster skin looks like it’s glowing underneath the bright sun and his sunglasses make him look like the epitome of cool if you were to look it up in the dictionary. He keeps himself skating fairly close to you but you aren’t sure if that’s because he wants to be in your personal bubble or not. Either way, you sweat underneath your clothes and try to focus on balancing yourself on top of the hard ice. 

Sunghoon paid for your tickets and skate rentals too. He surprised you by signing his name and today’s date on the receipt for your safekeeping, telling you to keep it in your purse so it doesn’t get lost. He said it like it’s a matter-of-fact and not something only you do because you love being nostalgic about happy memories. Your hands shake as you lace up your skates and Sunghoon patiently waits for you to finish putting on the other shoe before taking up space on the ice. That feels warm.  

“I can’t help but like Christmas a little bit more when I’m on the ice.” Sunghoon takes his hands out of his pockets and runs his hand through his hair, and it makes you want to swoon. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Something about it feels like it should be done only in the wintertime. The Christmas music is helping me feel a little more festive anyway.” 

“There used to be a skating rink by my old middle school before it shut down a few years ago. I’d go with my friends as soon as December hit and learn how to skate because the owner saw me beg my parents to let me take lessons, but it was too expensive. She gave them a discount for my first few lessons.” 

“Did you stop skating?” 

“Yeah. They were able to pay for lessons as I advanced because of a bonus my mom received at work and she chose to spend it on me. My dad never cared that much but attended a few of my lessons here and there when my mom couldn’t drive me.”

“Did you compete?” 

“No, it was mostly for fun. I stopped because the financial burden was getting too much. Figure skating is the only thing I regret quitting.” 

“I stopped skating because it got in the way of my studies.” Sunghoon purses his lips. “I wasn’t aiming to go pro, or anything. It was a fun hobby I liked to do after school but my parents said it took up too much of my time because my grades weren’t straight A’s.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

He shrugs. “It’s not like I can’t skate anymore but sometimes it felt like I was being primed to take over their company and I could feel that when I was in high school. Ice skating was my way of trying to tell them that wasn’t the life I wanted, but I don’t think they got the message. I ended up quitting halfway into my sophomore year.”

“Do you miss being on the ice? 

“Sometimes. I competed at local competitions and thought about what my life would’ve looked like if I committed to a professional career, but I decided that wasn’t for me. I wanted to do something creative. Anything different than running a grocery chain.”

You bump Sunghoon’s hip. “Sounds like you’ve found your niche in photography.” 

“Ah, I hope so. I should show you some of the photos I have that aren’t on my wall.”

“Do you have a website or an Instagram for your pictures?” 

“No, but I probably should.” 

“You definitely should. I’ll even be your first follower and tell everyone to follow you.” 

Sunghoon smiles down at you. “How sweet of you.” 

“What happens next? You mentioned that your parents let you come to Seoul for a little while, but what happens after that?” 

His shoulders sulk. “Honestly? I don’t know. I moved into this apartment this past January and they said they’d give me a year to do whatever I want before I take over the business. I’m not so sure that I want to go back.” 

“Does that mean you have to move?” Sunghoon avoids looking at you. 

“Yeah.” 

“Oh.” The silence permeated for a moment. 

“I don’t want to leave, though.” Sunghoon clears his throat and shoves his hands back in his pockets. “I love Seoul and the freedom to do whatever I want. I work at a photography studio part time to pay for myself. I’m lucky that they agreed to pay my rent but that luck’s running out soon because they want me to come back. 

“It’s funny, though. My younger sister’s the one who wants to run this company because she’s studying business operations and loves it. She thrives in this environment and has always been interested in networking with people my parents know. I couldn’t care less about any of that. She has fun at his client parties but all I want to do is hide in a corner.”

“Why won’t they let her take over the business, then?” 

“My parents want to retire soon. They’ve been at it for so long and people are pressuring them to sell the business because everybody who knows them, knows they want out. My sister’s in her last year of university and isn’t ready to take over just yet. They say she needs more experience even though she’s interning with his division until she graduates.”

“So, what? If you take over, what’s she gonna do?” 

“Ideally, she’d be a co-owner the minute she feels ready to do it. But I think the plan for her is to become an assistant and then find another CEO role in another company. My parents don’t really understand that she and I want to switch places because they’re so focused on their retirement. We don’t know how to bargain with them and it’s become a sore point in our relationship.” 

“I’m really sorry, Sunghoon.” 

“My sister and I talk about this every time we see each other and I can tell she’s upset that they aren’t willing to wait out for her. She knows I don’t want this either, but sometimes it feels like she’s barely there whenever I’m with her.”

“It’s like knowing what you want is right in front of you but out of reach.” Sunghoon agrees in a noncommittal hum and you see him look in front of you at the other skaters. 

“I know how much she wants my position and I’d do anything to give it to her. I just need to convince my parents to wait a few years. I don’t mind helping out from time to time like I do now. But I don’t want to become CEO and work in that industry. I want to be a photographer and have my portraits hanging in museums and in people’s living rooms. Is that too much to ask for?” 

“No, it’s not. You’re so passionate when you talk about photography and it’s really endearing.” 

“You think so?” 

“Yeah, I do. It sounds like your sister is passionate about that CEO role as well. I hope the two of you are able to work things out.” 

Sunghoon sighs from beside you. “Me too. My lease is up in the new year and I’ll have to start packing if they don’t agree to wait a few more years until she’s ready. They’re afraid of bringing it outside help because they’d rather keep this in the immediate family.” The thought of knowing Sunghoon might no longer live across from you sends you into a temporary panic. You’ve just gotten to know him and it feels a bit unfair. “But I don’t want to move. I’m happy here.” 

“Are you?” 

He looks at you and smiles. “I am.” 

“I hope you’re able to stay,” you tell him, avoiding eye contact. “I think you’re fun to be around.” 

“Just fun?” Sunghoon teases, bumping his shoulder with yours. “Not charismatic and devastatingly handsome?” 

“No,” you lie, willing the cold air to cool down your warming cheeks. “I would never call you any of those things.” 

“Such a shame, Y/N. You have an incredibly hot neighbor who’s willing to do all of these Christmas things with you.” You smack his bicep. 

“You’re so annoying.” He laughs. 

“You’ll have to try harder to get rid of me.” 

***

The first time Sunghoon saw you was approximately a week after he moved into his apartment. You were wearing blue Bose headphones and looked so determined to unlock your door that Sunghoon chose to keep to himself and not bother you. He couldn’t help but notice the scowl on your face and how it made the perfect pout etch itself onto your lips. 

Ever since then, he’s seen you nearly every time he’s stepped out of his apartment and starts to wonder if this is fate telling him that he should make the first move and approach you because you’re friendly enough to nod at him when he passes you throughout the building. But he’s always been an introverted person who falters when it comes to meeting new people. Growing up around investors and adults who didn’t care about anything other than the economy didn’t do great for his confidence, especially since finance and business was the last thing he wanted to talk about. 

His sister was always more outgoing than he was. Sunghoon used to stutter when girls talked to him and couldn’t fathom the idea that anybody would be remotely interested in him enough to develop romantic feelings for him. It often felt like his personality mirrored everybody else’s for the fear of disappointing people to the point where Sunghoon had a hard time figuring out who he was when he wasn’t with his family or anybody who knew him as he grew up. 

Leaving his home to live in Seoul was something akin to a breath of fresh air. He loved his university days because it was the first and only time that Sunghoon could be himself without being afraid of what others would think of him. He experienced many ‘firsts’ while he was away from home–first college party, hangovers, and having sex for the first time. His first girlfriend made him realize he wanted more to live than to live the predestined plan that his parents set out for him. He didn’t want to marry someone into his family only for him to become a shell of a human being if he took on a job he didn’t want to do. When his girlfriend encouraged him to follow in his father’s footsteps because of how wealthy and successful he could be, Sunghoon broke it off with her and never looked back. 

Working for his parents was supposed to be a trial run. For the first three years after he graduated, Sunghoon agreed to come back and work at the company as an entry level assistant and work his way to the top. The weight of their expectations hung over his shoulders every time he stepped foot inside of the tall, intimidating building, and the anxiety he felt never really left him. Sunghoon worked himself to the bone every single day and continued dreaming of a life that was anything but his reality until his parents came to him with the proposition of slowly transitioning into an executive role. Suddenly, it felt like Sunghoon was running out of time and he proposed a year off before he would begin that process. 

Now, Sunghoon finds himself walking into your apartment with these lingering thoughts at the forefront because his parents are indirectly pressuring him to move back home. He ignores their calls and voicemails to the best of his ability. Spending time with you and your friends is a welcomed distraction because he doesn’t have to think about his future. The four of you give him space to be whoever he wants to be, and that isn’t something he’s felt in a very long time. 

“Your apartment looks like the inside of your brain,” Sunghoon tells you as he looks at your colorful furniture and the artwork decorating your walls. He lingers by the gargantuan posters of different cocktails framed neatly and the bar cart you keep by the kitchen in case you feel like having a drink or two on the weekend. “It’s so…you. 

“I worked really hard to make it that way. My Pinterest boards can tell you that much.” 

“I like that you’ve incorporated dark green. It’s pretty.” 

“Dark green is my favorite color. I’ve always wanted a space that felt like a home rather than a place I live in. I bought this green velvet couch when I got promoted the first time.” 

Sunghoon caresses the back of the couch. “Soft. I like it.”

“Do you want a drink, or anything?” 

“Are you gonna make me something festive?”

“I subjected you to ice skating and Christmas music that seemed to have four songs on shuffle the entire time. I think I’ll spare you tonight.”

“I’d like to try something new, if you’re up for it.” You light up and Sunghoon thinks he wants to make you look like that more often. He follows you into the kitchen and watches as you wash your hand and bring out every ingredient before turning to face him. 

“Have you ever heard of a hot toddy?” 

“Can’t say that I have. What is it?” 

“It’s an alcoholic drink I used to make with my friends from college when it starts to get cold. It’s whiskey, honey, and lemon dissolved in hot water.” 

“I don’t see how that’s festive,” he teases. 

“Trust the process, Park Sunghoon. First, boil water in a kettle.” 

Sunghoon watches you assemble the drink that is a bit too complicated for him but appreciated the effort you put into it. You tell him about your friends from college and how some of them have moved far away while others are people you see every once in a while. He hears about how you became a crowd pleaser during one particularly cold December night the day before finals and ended up making dozens of hot toddy’s for the people who lived on your dorm floor. You show him a picture of the makeshift tip jar your roommate made you to collect tips from students who wanted to pay you for the drink and went home with enough money to make you forget about finals. 

You tell him that your friends love this drink too, even if they downplay just how much. You hand him your phone and let him scroll through pictures you took of Heeseung and Jake the last time you made the drinks for everybody. They were hanging off of each other after begging you to add in a shot more than necessary every time you made a new cup. Jay helped you set a makeshift bed on the couch and floor for them to sleep off the alcohol and Sunghoon laughs at their less than flattering faces when you smile with two thumbs up as they pass out from the alcohol. 

Sunghoon has deduced that being here feels comfortable. It’s crazy to him that the four of you managed to weasel your way into his life as quickly as you did. He finds himself playing video games with the guys when they come home from work and they add him into their group chat within a few days of knowing him. Sunghoon’s always had a difficult time keeping friends around because he feels too awkward to socialize and feels like he never learned how to make friends around his age because of the environment he grew up in. He takes a picture of you on his camera despite your protests when he feels like words are too much.

Getting to know you has felt like the climax of a romance film. He’s spent so much time pining after you from afar, from thinking about what your favorite foods might be to what kind of music you listened to. You always looked so polished and head strong, something Sunghoon wished he could be. He’d lie to himself and say he’s attracted to you because you give off a sense of self-confidence that he’s never seen in anybody else, which is partially true, but spending time with you has only made him fall for you even harder. 

He’s only known you for a few weeks but it’s felt like he’s known you for a lifetime. Sunghoon tells you things he’s too afraid to tell other people or admit out loud. You bring out a side of him that wants to make a life for himself instead of listening to people who don’t have his best interests in mind. He loves it when you share your interest in Christmas and winter with him because it feels like he gets to know you better and it takes his mind off of his future. Plus, it helps that you look too cute when you start to get excited about things. Sunghoon can’t bear to be the reason why you would ever cease to feel like that. 

The more the two of you sip on the warm alcoholic cocktail, the more Sunghoon feels his shoulders start to relax. Whether it’s because he hasn’t eaten anything in a while or because you’re giving him butterflies, he doesn’t know. He hasn’t told anybody about you because he doesn’t know who he’d tell and he can’t believe he’s standing in your apartment making conversation with you. You laugh at his jokes and give him a tour of your place as he sips on his drink, and the warmth spreads throughout his chest. Suddenly his sweater feels too hot. 

You let him inside of your bedroom and it’s neat, with keepsakes lining your shelves and books on your walls. You’ve got a few floating bookshelves he admires and gawks at because he thinks it makes your room look that much cooler. You’ve got a few pictures of yourself, friends, and family along your desk and a makeup vanity with an impressive mirror on it. Everything in your room feels like it has a place and a reason to be there and Sunghoon can’t help but feel privileged that you’re letting him inside, like he’s supposed to be there too. 

“Is this your box of receipts?” he asks when he sees a small box without a lid on it. There are dozens of receipts haphazardly lying in there and he takes one out when you nod at him. There’s a receipt for a late night doughnut run, a printed copy of the receipt from the couch in your living room, and your first trip to the doctor. He digs to see if he can find the one from the market. “Where’s the receipt from when we went to the market?” 

You point at the board above your desk filled with pictures and other receipts too. Sunghoon looks at it and spots your handwriting and his next to a picture of you as a child. It makes his heart melt a little bit. 

“I like to keep really good memories up here.” 

Sunghoon feels like he could cry. “I’m really happy you had a fun time. I did too, but I didn’t want to come off as weird and tell you that.” 

“I don’t think it’s weird at all. If anything, I didn’t want to come off as too eager to hang out with you when we got back home.”

“Is this a good time for me to confess that I wanted to hang out with you instead of parting ways?” You look away from him to hide your smile and he can’t help but feel his heart skip a beat. 

“Now you’re just buttering me up,” you say in lieu of an answer. You stand impossibly close to him while he looks at the pictures on the board. 

“You were such a cute kid.” 

“I was cuter when I wore pigtails and when I was missing my two front teeth, that’s for sure.” 

“I think you’re doing fine just now.” 

You blush again. “Okay, you’re definitely trying to make me flustered.” 

“Is it working?” Sunghoon grins when you hide your face in his arm. “I’ll take that as a yes.” 

“Anyway!” You pull yourself off of him and close the receipt box while he laughs behind you. “That’s enough of that.”

“It’s getting late and I think you put too much whiskey in this.” Sunghoon looks at you with another teasing grin but he’s starting to like catching you off guard like this. 

“I’m not listening to anything you say because you said it was just enough.” Even your faux pout is cute. “Thanks for going ice skating with me.”

“Thanks for making this for me.” He holds up his empty cup and you lead him to the kitchen. He offers to wash your dishes for you but you decline and forcibly lead him to the front door when he starts to protest. The exhaustion from today has started to tire him out and his eyes begin to droop when he steps outside. 

“Goodnight, Sunghoon. Thank you for today.” You look up at him with an expression he can’t read. 

“I had a lot of fun. I mean it. You might change my mind about Christmas after all.” 

“There’s nothing I can’t do, Hoonie.” He blushes at the nickname. “Text me when you’re home, okay?”

He snorts. “Sure thing. I’ll be sure to text you in five seconds after I lock my door.” 

“Good. Who knows? This is a big hallway. Maybe you’d drip and fall a few steps into your journey.” Sunghoon thinks you’re too cute when you’re coy like this. 

“I’ll even text you when I’m tucked in bed so you know I made it safely.” 

The last thing he expects you to do is kiss his cheek. He feels your lips on his skin and his entire body becomes frigid, like he suddenly forgot how to breathe. Sunghoon thinks he might trip on his way back to his apartment at this rate. 

“Goodnight, Hoonie. Text me when you’re home.”

***

You don’t get the chance to spend any time with Sunghoon for the next couple of weeks because your work leaves you too tired to do anything outside of your apartment since it requires a few hours during your weekends. Sunghoon seems to understand and doesn’t push you to go out with him too much. Part of you wants to invite him over to your place for something casual, but your tendency to overthink prevents you from putting that offer on the table. 

Heeseung can tell you’re overwhelmed when he sees you. You hide yourself away in the confines of your office and don’t make conversation with him like you typically would. The start of the holidays mark a tumultuous time for you and he knows that better than anybody else. He can’t help but be a little concerned when you don’t join him for lunch like you typically do if meetings don’t interfere. When he sees you eating at your desk with a pathetic looking sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, he walks into your office without knocking and replaces his lunch with yours. 

“Don’t even think about scolding me for coming here unannounced.” Heeseung gestures at your desk. “Eat.” 

“You don’t deserve to eat a poorly made sandwich.” 

“Oh, and you do?” 

You groan. “No. But I was in a rush and forgot to pack a lunch last night.” 

“What’s going on? I’ve never seen you like this.” 

“My mom keeps asking me if I’m going to come home and I feel so guilty that I keep dodging it. I know she means well, but that’s what makes it worse. She keeps telling me she wants to have one weekend with me for Christmas, even if it isn’t on the actual holiday because she hasn’t seen me in a while. 

“I feel like I’m disappointing her, you know? It’s hard to leave the bubble I’ve created for myself because I know I have to face all of the bullshit I faced with my dad when I go back. It feels like I become the teenage version of myself who couldn’t express her feelings and kept everything bottled up inside. I want to forget all of that. I don’t want to be that kind of person anymore.” 

“Do you want to go?” 

“I do, but I can’t bring myself to actually buy a train ticket. I want to go home and not feel this contempt but I can’t help it. I hate it there. I hate walking through the hallways because I can hear his footsteps and the way he used to yell at me when I did something wrong. I can’t escape these feelings when winter starts. I mean, you know me. The holidays only became what it is because I try not to think about how fucking awful it used to be.” 

“You can’t run from everything forever, though.” Heeseung looks at you like he’s trying to drill his words into your head. “You’ve already done the work to push past it.”

“I know, but it’s hard to be in a place that feels like an empty home. I’m so nostalgic for everything I loved as a kid but it gets tainted when I think about my dad and how hard it was for my mom to raise me by herself. All I can think about is how I felt when I couldn’t do anything to save myself. But on the other hand, I feel so guilty for missing him too. He had his moments and I try to think about that instead of thinking about the bad ones. He’s not here to make me feel like I have to watch my back, but why does it feel like I still have to?”

“You’ve been through a lot and you have to understand that the average person doesn’t go through a lifetime of pain and trauma before they turn twenty-one. It feels like you’re stuck because there aren’t many people who can relate to you.”

You sigh. “I guess so. It feels lonely and isolating. It doesn’t matter how many times I open up to a therapist about it either. It always feels like I’m running so fast that I end up tripping over myself.” 

“So, what are you gonna do about it? Sit here and mope or make a decision?”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is, though. You’re somebody who hates waiting around for people to save you. The only way to resolve anything is to pick a decision and stick with it until the end. If you regret it, at least you can say you tried.” 

“It’s really hard to self sabotage when I’m friends with you.” 

Heeseung laughs at that. “I know. I won’t let you do that either.” 

“I think I mostly feel bothersome for always talking about the same old problem to you.” 

“It doesn’t bother me. I care about you and you clearly need to talk to somebody who knows you inside and out. I’ve seen how difficult it is for you to open up and the fact that you’ve grown so close with Sunghoon in a short amount of time is incredible to me.” 

You groan and slump over your desk. “Don’t remind me. I haven’t properly seen him in weeks and feel awful that I have no energy to hang out whenever he asks me to. I hope he doesn’t think I’m ghosting him.”

“He doesn’t.” 

“How could you possibly know that?” Heeseung pulls out his phone and lets you glance over his texts with Sunghoon. 

“He asked if you were okay a while back and said he was worried since you kept declining to go out. His first thought was that you might’ve been sick or burned out, not that you were ghosting him.”

“Burned out is definitely the right answer.” 

Heeseung smiles at his phone. “Hoon was worried that he was coming off too strong by texting you so much. I told him you’d probably appreciate hearing from him more than giving you space.”

“Since when do you call him ‘Hoon’?”

“We’re close like that.” 

“That makes me nervous.” 

“I’ll be sure to divulge your crush on him while we hang out tonight.” You throw the cap of a pen at his chest. “He said he missed you, though.” 

“I miss him.” You groan a little too loudly for your liking. “I haven’t had any energy these last couple of weeks and I’ve been overthinking the hell out of kissing his cheek when I last saw him.”

“Sorry, you did what?!” 

“I kissed his cheek when he left my apartment and I can’t tell if I regret it or not.” 

“Dude, Sunghoon is clearly not weirded out by that,” Heeseung says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “He wouldn’t be checking in with me about your mental state if he thought it was weird.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Positive. You don’t have to do anything crazy with him either. I get the feeling he’s the type of guy who’d appreciate doing anything as long as it’s with people he enjoys being around. He’d probably enjoy it if you two stayed in and watched movies.” 

“I can do that.” You pull your phone out and search for his contact. “I could do a movie and takeout.” 

“See? There's nothing to be worried about. You’re just stressed out about going home. Take it one day at a time.”

Sunghoon agrees to have a quiet night in when the weekend approaches and you find yourself sitting in his living room instead of your own. He tells you to come over in your pajamas with your worries left at his doorstep and asks you to let him take care of everything, including ordering takeout and paying for it. He tells you he’s up for watching a Christmas movie, but you’ve had your fill and the two of you decide to watch reruns of Community on Netflix as a way to relax through laughter and comedy. 

“I’m sorry that you’ve had a rough couple of weeks,” he says as he sits next to you on the couch. He’s encouraged you to put your feet up and sit however you’d like, and crossing your legs feels like a respectable position. He sits at a short distance from you, far enough that you aren’t touching but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiate off of him. 

“It’s that time of year. Everybody wants answers but nobody is willing to put in the work. It gets like this every December because everybody’s trying to finish strong before winter break.” 

“Still though, the guys made it seem like this was an everyday occurrence for you and seeing you so tired made me worried.” Your heart skips a beat. 

“Ah, well…my friends know I can push through anything. Jay’s the one who understands me the most when I get like this. I’ve been getting better at asking for help and they know I’ll come to them if I need to.”

“What about when you don’t?”

“Don’t what?”

“Ask for help?”

You turn to look at him. “I guess they force me to open up until I get annoyed and tell them to leave me alone. But that usually doesn’t last very long and I cave in since they never seem to listen to me anyway.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind for the future.” Sunghoon takes a small handful of the popcorn sitting on the coffee table and shoves it in his mouth. “You have good friends and I can tell they love you.”

“I owe them a lot, if I’m being honest. Sometimes it feels like I don’t do enough for them.” 

“You must be a good friend if they care about you that much, too. Don’t sell yourself short.” Sunghoon seems to see you in ways you can barely see yourself and his constant reminders always leave you speechless. 

“How’ve you been? How’s your photography class and work?”

“My classes wrapped up last week. It was bittersweet. I love my instructor and I’m sad that he and I are parting ways, but he’s taught me a lot that I’ll definitely remember when I pick up a camera. Work is fine as well, it’s getting a little busy because of the holidays but it’s nothing I can’t manage. They know about the situation with my parents so we’re trying to take it as it comes.” 

“Have you resolved that?” 

Sunghoon shakes his head. “Not yet…It feels like they don’t get it at all.” 

“I’m really sorry, Hoonie.” 

“It is what it is. I’ll miss Seoul a lot for more reasons than one.” He looks at you and your heart skips another beat. 

“Living here won’t be the same without running into you, I’ll tell you that much.”

“I’ll cherish those moments forever,” he teases. “I don’t know what I’m going to do but I’m going to try to convince them to hold off on retiring for a few years. I talked to our landlord and managed to negotiate one more month when I told him about what’s happening. I have enough to pay for that and I’m a little shocked that he agreed.” 

“Must be a Christmas miracle.” He looks at you with an unreadable expression. 

“Maybe. Have you decided if you’re going back home or not?”

You pick at your fingers. “I’m still on the fence about it. She called me yesterday and slipped that question in halfway through the conversation. I can tell she’s empathetic about it, though. She knows how hard it is for me to be back home with everything that happened with my dad. Part of me wants to go because I miss her, but I can’t bring myself to do it. Train tickets are probably too expensive anyway.”

“I’ll drive you.” 

You turn to face him. “Sunghoon, it’s a two hour drive.”

“And?”

“I’m not making you drive two hours to my house and two hours back to Seoul.” He looks at you like this is the easiest decision he’s ever had to make. 

“You’re not forcing me to do anything. I want to. This has been weighing on your mind for a long time and I don’t want you to miss out on spending the holidays with your mom just because of how much a ticket would cost to get you there.”

“Sunghoon–”

“It’s no sweat off of my back. I’m serious about it. I don’t have classes anymore and my work schedule is flexible. Plus, I think it could be cute to see where you grew up.” 

“That’s…Really sweet of you.” Sunghoon turns to look at you too and smiles with those plush lips you think about kissing a little too much. You try to reel it in because he’s your friend and that’s what friends do, right? 

“You’ve done a lot for me. The least I could do is drive you home.” 

You don’t say anything. You can’t say anything. Sunghoon sees you from the corner of his eye as you turn back to face the TV, and he watches you try to hide a smile. He turns away and feels his own cheeks flush at the thought of seeing you in your hometown, even if it’s for a short while. Above all, Sunghoon wants this Christmas to feel like it’s the best one you’ve ever had on the account that you’ve made Seoul feel like home for him. 

The night progresses and you switch to a movie halfway through the night until you yawn. Sunghoon grabs a blanket and puts it over the both of you instead of suggesting you go back to your apartment. Somehow, this gesture feels kinder than anything anybody has ever done for you. 

You’re both acutely aware of how close your bodies are because of the blanket but neither of you care all that much. Your shoulder keeps bumping into his every time you move and eat the popcorn he’s provided, and Sunghoon silently wishes that he could pull your body against his once and for all. He doesn’t, choosing to savor the way your side touches him instead of doing anything that might make you uncomfortable. But somewhere in your tired stupor, you put your head on his shoulder and yawn. 

“Thank you everything,” you say quietly. “You don’t know how much it means to me that you’d drive me home.”

“I’d do anything for you.” Sunghoon says it a bit too quickly but he doesn’t regret telling you that. 

“I wish I could repay you.”

“Being here is enough. Can I try something?” 

When you nod, Sunghoon maneuvers himself so that his back rests against the arm of the couch with his body spread across the cushions without disrupting you too much. You don’t fight against him when he scoops you into his arms and places your head on his chest. You feel his heartbeat in this position. It’s slow and melodic, unlike your fantasies of hoping the cute guy next door would have a rapid heart rate every time he saw you. But you think you like this better; Sunghoon seems to be comfortable around you. 

For the fear of touching you too much, Sunghoon keeps his hands by his side and pulls them away when he realizes he’s touching your exposed skin. You let go of every thought telling you to run away and grab his arms to wrap them around your own body, nuzzling your way close to his with your eyes closed in contentment. 

In lieu of saying goodnight, you kiss his chest and Sunghoon thinks he might be on cloud nine.

***

In the time between telling your mother you’d be home for a couple of days over the weekend to arriving at her doorstep, your friends have expressed their happiness in your decision. Jake couldn’t help but feel emotional when you told him and you get the feeling that Jay always knew the decision you’d make. Heeseung chose to forego teasing you out of solidarity for this vulnerable moment and wishes you all the best. However, all three of them did not hold back in telling you every joke in the book when you told them Sunghoon was dropping you off and picking you up. 

Sunghoon drives seamlessly and you silently thank him for it because approaching the familiar quietness of your neighborhood makes you feel somewhat uneasy. Your stomach turns in flips when you see that same house you used to look up at whenever you’d come home from school. It’s still jarring to see that only your mom’s car is parked on the street with your father’s car nowhere to be seen. It’s a physical reminder that he isn’t here and you don’t know if you’re relieved or not. She greets you the moment Sunghoon parks his car and the feeling of melting into her arms is indescribable. 

“I missed you,” she whispers into your hair. “It’s been so long.”

“I know, Eomma. I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be. You’re here now and that’s all I care about. You’re Sunghoon, right?” He turns to look at you as he pulls your duffle bag out of his car and bows at a full ninety degrees for just a second too long. She finds it amusing and tells him so when he stands up. 

“Pleasure to meet you. Y/N has great things to say about you.”

“Oh, trust me. She has good things to say about you too.”

“Okay!” You clap your hands and grab the bag from Sunghoon, turning your body away from him. “I think we’ve had a long car ride and can find literally anything else to talk about.” 

“I should get going before traffic gets bad. It was nice to meet you.”

“Come in for some tea!” 

She doesn’t give him the chance to respond but he doesn’t seem to mind. Sunghoon takes off his shoes and leaves them in the corner as your mom presents the two of you with a freshly brewed pot that reminds you of your childhood. The interior looks the same as it has since you last visited and that big family portrait still hangs above the couch in the living room. Your father smiles back at you like he’s happy you’re here. 

Sunghoon chooses to remain quiet as he drinks his tea to give you and your mom some time to catch up. He feels a bit awkward in a stranger’s home when this trip was supposed to be about you and your family, but he can’t say he isn’t pleased when the warmth of the tea starts to settle in his chest. Photos of you from your childhood line the walls and he can’t help but comment about how adorable you look in pink bows and frilly dresses. You look as cute then as you do now, but that’s something he will never tell you. 

Your mom brings out a small booklet of photos from your past, too. You try to prevent her from showing Sunghoon but he laughs it off and sits with pictures of you from elementary school in his hands. He tries not to let it show that his hands are shaking because you let your chin rest on his shoulder as you peer over him. He can feel your warm breath on his neck and it sends him into a short spiral until you’re scooping up the book and handing it back to your mom with a bashful smile on your face. 

He can see that you’re trying your best not to feel like that same, awkward mess of a teenage girl when your mother tells him stories about you from childhood. She tells him about the first time you performed in a dance recital and how you were center stage only to accidentally trip on your shoelaces that nearly sent you flying into the audience. She tells him about your first overseas vacation to Disney World in Florida because it was the first time you learned you hated humidity and people who didn’t know how to drive. 

With every hour that passes by, Sunghoon starts to think he understands you better. He knows you to be somebody who’s independent and confident, but the idea that you had to work hard towards it was lost on him until he came to visit your hometown. He understands why you felt so trapped here between your mother’s rants about how difficult your dad was to the limited opportunities for you to thrive. She tells him a bit about how you were emotionally unavailable in your teenage years despite your protests (as mothers tend to do), but she finishes her thought by telling Sunghoon how she’s always thought you were destined for things greater than what a small fishing town could ever offer you. He pretends like he’s got allergies when he feels his eyes watering up. 

Sunghoon asks to stretch his legs and by the time the night approaches, he’s agreed to stay over and spend more time visiting your favorite places and where you grew up. Your mom tells him not to feel like he’s intruding, as she rarely gets to spend time with anybody in your life, and he decides that this little vacation might be good for him. He offers to pay for dinner and he thinks he’s gained some approval for that. 

Time passes by too quickly for his liking. You’ve taken him everywhere you can think of–your old ice skating rink, your favorite boba shop, the schools you’ve attended–but it still feels like he’s barely scratched the surface of getting to know you before adulthood. He loves that you’re so open about yourself in a way that he’s never been able to. You talk his ear off about drama that you haven’t thought about in decades and he listens and feels several different emotions on your behalf despite not knowing anybody you’re talking about. He parks his car in the parking lot of your high school and the two of you spend an hour eating takeout from your favorite sandwich shop and gossipping about the entire town just for the two of you to hear. 

You talk about your dad on occasion and he doesn’t pry you to talk about it either. Sunghoon hears the melancholy in your voice when you think about old memories and missing him in ways you’ve never been able to experience before. You tell him that it’s been four years since you lost yourself. You also tell him that you don’t want to live the kind of life where you’re held back by his opinion anymore. He’s here in the walls and all over town, and the weight of missing him doesn’t feel like a burden anymore. It feels like a step towards freedom to be who you are, free from the anchors that kept you sheltered. Sunghoon knows your mother must be proud of you for making this decision because he sees it in her smile when she watches you laugh.

He decides he wants this kind of life; Sunghoon wants to be supported by his family when it comes to what he wants to do with his life. He wishes his parents believed in him as much as your mother believes in you. Seeing her so open and welcoming to a complete stranger and bragging about your accomplishments to him makes Sunghoon yearn for that kind of unconditional love too. Even in the moments when you get quiet over unpleasant memories that seem to resurface from coming back home, it seems that she helps you through it and doesn’t shame you for feeling the way that you do. It’s something Sunghoon desperately wishes he could do instead of entertaining conversations about taking over his family’s business. 

If there’s one thing you’ve taught Sunghoon, it’s that he can fall as many times as he wants so long as he chooses to get back up again. He’s come to love how open you are when it comes to people and experiences because he’s starting to understand just how difficult your childhood was until you found your footing in Seoul. Being alone meant exploring who you were without the opinions of people who wanted to hold you back. Even if people gave you reasons to shun the world and expect apologies from everybody under the sun, you hold your chin up with dignity and choose to move on instead of dwelling on people and things that don't matter. He wishes he could be like that too.

“Are you happy?” 

Sunghoon stares at your ceiling in your childhood bed when he asks you that. He’s a bit surprised that he’s allowed to be here at all and offered to take the couch, but your mother said the two of you are adults and don’t need her permission. The two of you were blushing messes when she left you alone to unpack your clothes while she gave him an extra toothbrush and old clothes from her brother who left them at her place. Both of you decided that it would be too awkward to try to not cuddle on your surprisingly comfortable twin bed and he chooses to use this as an excuse to touch you. He hasn’t heard a complaint from you and the feeling of your body wrapped up in his is exhilarating.

“I am, yeah. This weekend was a lot better than I thought it would be.”

“But are you happy with your life? Are you happy with yourself?” You push yourself off his body and look down at him.

“Where’s this coming from?” 

“I kept thinking about my life and my parents for the past couple of days. Your mom’s sweet and I can tell she believes in you whenever she tells me about your life here. It sounds like she did her best to raise you between work and your dad, and I can never imagine how stressful your childhood must've been with him in the house. I see how much you’ve grown from everything. It’s inspiring.”

“I don’t know if inspiring is the right word. I think I was dealt with shitty cards and expected an apology from the world without realizing that I had to work on myself in order to receive it.”

“That’s the thing, though. I can see that you’ve put in the work to become a better person. My parents aren’t as supportive as your mom and I kept thinking to myself: ‘Do I want to go through with a life that’s already planned for me when I know I’ll be unhappy?’”

Sunghoon looks up at you when he feels you brush his hair from his eyes. He can’t really tell what you’re thinking about as you look all over his face but the gentle touch of your fingertips puts him at ease as his mind begin to race. 

“I am happy. There are moments where I feel like the world is crumbling around me, but I know tomorrow is around the corner. I used to think that there wouldn’t be people out there who would ever believe all of the things I went through, but meeting the guys and making a life for myself makes me think otherwise. I’m happier because of it.” 

“That makes me feel hopeful.”

“Does it?” 

He nods and closes his eyes when your fingertip draws an invisible pathway across his cheek and down the bridge of his nose. You get dangerously close to his lips but your hand merely cups his jaw and your simple, gentle touch is enough for Sunghoon to realize he’s fallen far too hard to give up on his future, especially if you’re in it. 

“Yes,” he says in a whisper. “You make me feel like I could do anything if I try hard enough.” 

Sunghoon stares at you like you’ve hung up every star in the galaxy for him to see. When he looks at you, everything he’s been too afraid to say comes bubbling to the surface and his life beyond today becomes as clear as day. He wants to wake up next to you every morning and listen to your childhood stories until you run out of breath. He wants to spend every Christmas with you and fill your memory box with as many receipts with his signature on it. There is no future without you in it. 

You kiss him so tenderly that Sunghoon thinks he might be imagining things. Your palm is warm to the touch and he’s quick to react, pulling your body closer to his while his arms enclose your body against him. Sunghoon doesn’t know how many nights he’s spent imagining what your lips taste like or the way you sound with his mouth on yours, but nothing could ever compare to the real thing. 

He maneuvers you onto his lap because of the limited space on your twin bed and his body feels like it’s set ablaze when the back of your thighs touch his lap. You’re wearing thin shorts and an oversized shirt while he’s wearing clean basketball shorts from his car and a shirt your mom let him borrow. He feels your breasts push against his muscular chest as you lean against him for support and tilt your head to capture his mouth like you’re trying to taste all of him at once, and Sunghoon thinks he likes it when you’re desperate for him too. 

The weight of your body on his lap inevitably makes him hard and the quiet gasp into his mouth makes Sunghoon buck himself up into you. You grip onto his shoulders and dig push him back down onto the mattress to keep yourself steady and he’s about to apologize for crossing a boundary until you grind yourself onto him too. You tug at the hem of his shirt and he complies, taking it off in one fell swoop. 

“You’re really hot, you know that?” 

“Would you believe me if I told you I work out for you?”

“Not even a little bit.” Sunghoon laughs as he pulls your shirt off of your body delicately, cupping your breasts in his hands as he gives them a soft squeeze. 

“You’re perfect,” he whispers. “So perfect.” 

He’s hard underneath you, so much so that you feel him through your thin sleeping shorts. His cock is situated between your folds and every small movement you make is enough to make him feel like he’s losing his mind. Sunghoon holds your breasts in his hands as you push yourself off of his lap just to sink your weight back down. He gives your nipples a squeeze periodically and he makes a mental note when you throw your head back and moan. 

“I’m so wet,” you whisper when you sit upright, your hips continuing to grind against him. The way your voice cracks makes him feel better about being desperate to feel you. “This feels so good, Hoonie. But we can’t. My mom’s down the hall.” 

“Do you trust me?” 

Seeing you nod is enough for him. Sunghoon’s thankful your mattress isn’t loud or bumping against the wall. He temporarily pulls you off of his body to kick off his shorts and feels a bit shy when you stare at how big and hard he is through his boxers. You push your lap back down onto his and he refrains from moaning too loud, silencing himself by pulling your lips down to his by your neck. His hands wander to your ass as you feel his toned chest and abdomen too. He pushes and pulls your body over his cock and moves his lips to kiss up your jawline. 

“I wish I could fuck you properly like you deserve,” he says, leaving a wet trail of kisses on your skin. 

“I want that too.” 

“I’d worship every inch of you.” He uses his hands to press you against his lap until you bite back a moan. “I want to know what you feel like.”

“Fuck.”

“Cute.” 

He kisses your chin and wraps his arms around your lower back to keep you in place before thrusting his hips up to meet yours. Sunghoon catches you by surprise and you bite his shoulder to keep yourself from moaning too loud every time his clothed cock bumps against your clit. He’s so warm underneath you and this kind of touch is one that you’ve been craving longer than you’d like to admit. 

The passion is short lived and the two of you don’t care how quick it takes the two of you to come undone in the quiet of your bedroom. He kisses you and tries to swallow the sound of your lips smacking against one another, too afraid that one wrong move could make your mother distrust him. Sunghoon’s kisses make you dizzy but you cling onto him like he’s your lifeline until your high ebbs away, and the two of you clean up before getting a well deserved, good night’s rest. 

***

Sunghoon can barely keep his hands off of you when the two of you arrive back to your apartment. He tells you to come back to his place and have a cup of tea with him before you part ways and you agree. The entire car ride home made you feel like you might as well be living in one of your daydreams because he didn’t mind it when you pulled one of his hands from the steering wheel to hold it the entire drive back. He’d switch from holding your thigh to kissing the back of your hand every time you changed the music. The two of you sang your hearts out to pop songs from the 2000s and pretended to perform in front of an audience when dramatic ballads came on shuffle.

Things fall into place on the ride back. You decide to pursue a promotion when it opens in the new year and text your friends to tell them you’re safe and with Sunghoon. They make you promise to tell them all about this past weekend and try to get you to reveal your presents, but you refuse and include Sunghoon in all of the jokes they tell you in your group chat before they ask if he wants to be added into the main one. In every sense of the word, it felt like the two of you found a home in each other. 

He lets you change into fresh clothes and shower before you knock on his apartment. Sunghoon feels his heartbeat picking up when you show up in a tank top and shorts with no bra on, and he feels a bit like a teenage boy seeing a girl semi-naked for the first time. The two of you talk about your trip and the next festive thing you’ll do when he feels himself starting to get worked up. All Sunghoon can think about was keeping his promise to you when he made you orgasm through your panties. He wants you to know that he loves you, so he decides to tell you that when you stand up to put your mug in his sink.

“I love you. I’m telling you right now that I’d do anything you asked me to.” 

Sunghoon squeezes your hips with his fingers like he’s trying to convey what he says through his touch. His breath is warm as it fans against your lips and the heat of his apartment makes your cheeks and neck warm up from where you stand. He breathes heavily, as if his confession carries a great deal of weight to it. Every word he speaks drips with honesty and the loyalty behind it scares you. 

And yet, you can’t bring it in yourself to pull away when he kisses you. 

His soft, pillowy lips approach your own with caution. You feel him hover above you until he’s ghosting his mouth against yours as if you’re a magnet he can no longer resist. Sunghoon’s lips descend upon your own and he holds your body tightly against him like he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he lets go. 

You both move like two slow dancers, swaying to the silent melody only audible by those who pay close enough attention. It’s at this moment you understand why poets and romantics speak of a hidden language only two lovers know. Sunghoon’s confession strengthens the feelings you’ve harbored for him and something about the way he touches you makes you feel like you can let go of your inhibitions. He’s brought your eagerness bubbling to the surface and you find that the harder you try to ignore your love for him, the louder your heart beats inside of your chest. 

You can’t help but think about how perfectly you slot against Sunghoon when you wrap your arms around his neck. He squeezes your hips the more you push into him and kisses you like he’s trying to commit the way your lips feel to memory. All of your worries melt into the floor the moment Sunghoon pulls away to look at your face under the ambient lighting and his gentle touch brushes your hair out of your face. His delicate thumbs come to cup your jawline and rub the apples of your cheeks as if you were made of something breakable. Sunghoon looks at you like this with the kind of gaze that can only be described as fondness. He looks at you with an accumulation of his feelings and desires of being wanted for who he is, not who he’s supposed to be. 

When Sunghoon looks at you, what he sees before him is a strong girl who braves the toughest weather in a tiny row boat with nothing but her wits and a single paddle. It’s your intelligence and patience that steers you away from the turbulent waters. You’re a beacon that lights a dark tunnel and deep down, Sunghoon knows that you’re his guiding light that’ll lead him home. It was your charm and passion that drew him in, and it’s your resilience and willpower that makes him want to stay. 

“I am nothing without you.” Sunghoon kisses both of your cheeks and his warm lips feel like comforting reminders that he’ll always be with you. 

“Hoonie…”

“What is it?” 

“Kiss me.” 

He does, with a slow pass at your lips while his hands cradle your cheeks in his hands and the tenderness of his touch feels something akin to puzzle pieces falling into place. The feeling is intense and overwhelming the more you drink in Sunghoon’s words to you and in this very moment, you allow yourself to believe he means what he says. Your hands find perch on his wrists as you grip onto him to anchor yourself. Sunghoon keeps kissing you as he puts one hand behind your head while the other moves to your upper back. He’s got you, even when you fall onto the mattress behind you when he dips your body backwards. 

Sunghoon hovers above your body and cages you underneath him as his warm mouth pushes against you rougher than before. He squeezes your hip until both legs are wide open enough for him to slot his body between them. It’s like he can’t get enough of the way you feel against his body because he finally has you exactly where he wants you. Sunghoon’s heart beats loudly in his chest that he feels the vibrations in his ears the more he listens to the way you two kiss, paired with your hands pushing up his shirt. Your fingernails rake down his abdomen and it leaves him a panting mess while he sucks in his stomach at the intense feeling. Sunghoon pushes a quiet moan against your mouth and you drink it up like it’s water. 

“I want to see you.” 

You whisper your incantation against his lips and the desperation in your voice enchants him. Sunghoon moves his fingertips to the hem of his shirt and briefly disconnects your mouth to pull it over his body completely before coming back down to kiss you again. He feels your hands spread across his shoulders and arms, squeezing his biceps while you moan at their firmness. They touch his chest and down to his sculpted abdomen when he jolts and he emits that same, breathy moan from before. 

Sunghoon chases your lips when you push his chest away from you and it takes two tries until he’s pulling his body back. The way you look underneath him does not compare to when he dreams of you like this. You’re breathtaking and alluring with your hair fanned out and lips wet and swollen from his kiss. He loves the way you look at him like he’s your consolation prize for befriending him all that time ago, and Sunghoon thinks he loves the feeling of you looking at his body like you’re a step from objectifying him. It feels like you’re finally taking what you want without hesitating to, like you’re not ashamed of feeling so intensely about him. That guard you keep up, the one placed there in protection against those who have the intention of abandoning you, has vanished only for him.

“Touch me.” 

His baritone command rings in your head while your hand spreads across his abdomen. Your fingers feel every hard ridge and the way he constricts his stomach underneath your touch. Sunghoon holds your hand underneath his to pull it up to his neck and guides you down his body as if he wants you to memorize what he feels like too. Somewhere between his parted lips and intense eye contact is when you realize your sanity is nowhere to be found, and it seems like he can tell because he feels the way your legs squeeze him. 

“I want you to see me too.” 

His fingers lift the hem of your shirt. “Can I take this off?”

When you nod, his fingers begin to tremble the higher the fabric travels up your body. Your skin is warm and soft underneath his tongue and he’s afraid that he’ll forget what you look like if his eyes stray from you. He pushes your top until he sees your deep green bra that hides your chest from him and pushes your back into an arch for him to unhook the fabric without much of a fuss. 

He doesn’t know where to look first. The bra is thrown haphazardly beside him and you can’t bring yourself to care about where it is on his bedroom floor. Instead, his hands cup your breasts and his fingers give a light squeeze as if to experiment with them. Sunghoon’s eyes gloss over your body and his mouth parts in astonishment the more he soaks your image in. He brings the pads of his thumbs to rub your nipples that have grown hard and sensitive since he pushed you onto the bed. 

Slowly, he descends. His warm mouth wraps around your left nipple with a tantalizing slowness that makes you feel like time is frozen around the two of you. Your heart drums in your chest at his merciful tongue that experimentally licks your nub. Sunghoon’s eyes dart up to look at you and drink in every reaction from his movements, and when he feels your chest arch into him upon sucking his mouth around your nipple, he brings his hand to the other and pinches it until you yelp. 

He flattens his tongue to lick you up before moving his head to switch to your other nipple, pressing a wet kiss to the valley between your breasts before attaching himself back onto you. The spot where his lips touched you blooms underneath your skin and sends a soft buzz all over your body. It’s hard to focus on his mouth when you feel overwhelmed in the best way possible. 

“So soft.” Sunghoon mutters in the quiet silence apart from your quiet pants and his mouth working your nipple. He grips your breasts and pushes them together as if to admire your naked chest with you watching him. 

“Hoonie—”

“I need to taste you.” He licks between both nipples and speaks as if he’s read your mind just by looking at you. “Can I? Please?” 

To be yearned like this feels like it could’ve been a blessing from above. Sunghoon looks at you with determination when you nod and you watch him sink further down your body with his hands following in his wake. In the quiet of his room, the bedsheets rustle underneath you when he beckons you to sit back against the pillows at the top of his bed. His warm and heavy breaths touch your thighs when he hooks his fingers around your shorts and pulls them down along with your panties. He hums when he pulls them off of you completely and looks directly between your legs, bringing both of his palms to feel your smooth legs until they come to grip your inner thighs. 

His electric touch is a spark you cannot seem to run away from. You feel completely frozen underneath his stare but you can’t bring yourself to shy away from his touch or sink deeper within yourself. Something about the man before you brings out the desires and needs you keep locked away, tucked inside the smallest cupboard in the back of your mind with the key long gone. But somehow, Sunghoon has paved his own way and brought you to your knees with a single kiss.

Sunghoon kisses your inner thighs, his pillowy lips leaving traces of cool spit onto your hot skin. His slow, soft pace is the kind of patience you wish for yourself. You love how kind and gentle he is when he’s with you and he never pushes you farther than your own capacity. He lets you set the tone and lead him wherever you choose to go, and his delicate touches with your body completely bare before him makes you think love and sex can be just as powerful as everyone says it is. When Sunghoon’s mouth comes to pass your core, he kisses the middle of your slit and savors the way your lap moves against him. 

“You feel so good.” He mutters against your other thigh like he’s saying a prayer. “So pliant for me.” Sunghoon nips at the juncture and smiles to himself when you gasp before returning to your mound, his left hand caressing your thigh while his other brings his thumb to knick at your hardened, aroused nub. 

“Sunghoon, I can’t…”

“Can’t what, baby?” 

“I can’t wait anymore.” When Sunghoon looks up at you, he sees the lust by the way your mouth parts just slightly ajar and how your chest rises and falls in anticipation. Who is he to deny you of your pleasure? 

Without another word, Sunghoon closes his eyes and sticks his tongue out to lick a fat stripe up your folds. Your moans are like music to his ears and he swears he could bottle it up and keep it shelved for days. The way you taste covers the surface of his wet muscle and he hums right into your core the more his mouth explores your aroused hole, poking the tip inside of you with every other swipe of his tongue just to tease you. 

“Ah, ahh!” Sunghoon loves hearing the way you whine underneath him and moans in appreciation when you roll your hips against his face because of him. It motivates him to move his head against you too, angling his face to lick every every single part of you. 

Your hands find themselves gripping your naked breasts in an attempt to ground yourself as your chest becomes one with the ceiling the more you arch your back. Sunghoon’s hands come to hold your waist and keep your legs spread before him before you can even think about falling back onto the bed. His touch is magnetic and you don’t think you’ve ever been so desperate to be touched by anyone before him. 

He lets your body fall and decides to give your legs a break since they’ve been spread out for him for so long. Your hips thank him when he lifts them both into the air and temporarily separates himself from your core to look at you like this. Sunghoon rises to kneel before you and his saliva leaves a string of spit when he detaches from your swollen folds. 

“Your pussy is so pretty.” Sunghoon stares intently at your glistening core and he’s mesmerized by the way you clench at his praise. He brings his thumb to your clit and rubs your sensitive nub and smears your wetness around your folds, his other hand holding your legs up for you. “I can’t believe you deprived me of it for so long. 

“I wanna cum,” you moan selfishly when he sticks two of his fingers inside. Your smooth walls engulf his digits and your arousal splashes around the more he pumps them in and out of you. 

“My baby wants to cum?” he asks rhetorically, thrusting his fingers rapidly while your hands come to steady your legs in the air the way he’s been holding you. “You deserve to cum, baby. Let me make you feel good. Shit, yeah, squeeze my fingers just like that.”

“I-I can’t hold it!” 

“Cum right now or I’ll stop fucking you.”

As if a dam’s protective guard had shattered into a million pieces, Sunghoon’s command tips you over the edge and you release around his fingers. Your mind feels dizzy with the nonstop pleasure he’s been giving you and the way his fingers reach the deepest parts within you the more he angles himself on top of your body. His soft praises of a job well done sink into your chest the more he speaks. The sight of his toned biceps moving with every pass of your pussy makes you clench and push your orgasm out around his fingers. Sunghoon smiles wickedly at your mound the more you cream around his fingers and only stops pumping himself when your pussy squeezes him out. He brings his hand to his mouth and wraps them around his digits. 

“Mm,” he hums, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders drop. You peek at his lap and see his fully hardened cock tenting in his pants. The impressive size stares back at you like it’s daring you to take a peek. Sunghoon licks his fingers clean and catches you staring at his dick when he opens his eyes, but your lustful gaze only fuels his arousal. He leaks in his boxers and feels the precum soak the fabric. 

“You taste so fucking good.”

“Really?” Sunghoon grips your legs gently and settles them back down onto the mattress, soothing your sore thighs with his palms as he lightly massages your skin. He bends down to lick you one more time.

“Best pussy I’ve ever tasted. I could die between your legs.” 

“Sunghoon.” 

“I’m being serious.” 

He watches your hole when he pulls his pants and boxers down below his balls until his cock springs out and bounces in your presence. He’s big and girthy, just like you’d imagined the first time you saw the outline of his dick in his pants one morning. Sunghoon wraps his palm around his length and gives himself an experimental squeeze, hissing at the warm contact before tilting his head to spit on the head before stroking himself. The wet sound makes your core jolt in excitement. He watches you looking at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth with an expression so determined that it makes him laugh from above you. 

“Eager for me?” You look up but you don’t answer him. “I’m always so fucking hard for you but I didn’t want to scare you away. You wore this long black dress that made your body look like sin a while back. I think about what your ass looked like in that dress from time to time.” 

Your brows furrow in confusion. “I haven’t worn that dress in so long…that was before we met.”

“Yeah,” he confesses, twisting his wrist against himself before pinching the tip. “Thought you were cute back then.” 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” He stops stroking himself and kicks off the rest of his clothing before settling back between your stomach and cups your jawline with his hand. The way he looks at you is pure and nearly cliché, like the two of you might as well be the lead roles in a romance film. His warm, brown eyes bore into yours and you can’t say you don’t love it when he looks at you like this. 

“I didn’t want to get too attached to anything or anyone because I knew I had to go back home. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t do anything unless something gave me a reason to talk to you, and then we ran into each other with Jake’s ugly sweater.” 

You cheeks head up. “I forgot about that.” 

He kisses your lips once. “You looked so cute in it.”

“I look atrocious, Hoonie. It’s okay, it’s called an ugly sweater for a reason.”

“You could wear a trash bag and make it look fashionable.” 

“That’s a bit of a stretch, but I appreciate your faith in me.” Sunghoon kisses the tip of your nose. When he moves, you feel his bare cock resting against your folds and push your hips to meet him. His cock slots between them and Sunghoon hums when you grind against him, holding one of your hips steady. 

“Make me wet, baby.” Sunghoon kisses your jawline and his wet lips leave a cool trail on your skin the more you grind against him. “Make my cock wet enough to fuck you.” 

“Shit, shit…”

“Feels good, yeah?”

“So good,” you whisper. He kisses just beneath your earlobe and puckers his lips until he sucks the skin underneath. The tip of his cock catches your clit with every other pass and Sunghoon drinks up your moans like it’s water. 

“You’re gonna be a good girl and let me stick it in, right? You want my cock just as badly as I want your pussy, don’t you?” 

“You’re so fucking good at this.” He chuckles and his warm breath against your ear makes you shiver.

“Good at what, babe?”

“Talking. Touching me, fuck…everything.”

He drags his nose across your neck to the other side. “You deserve to feel good. You’ve been running around all over Seoul with no one to take care of you but me.” 

“Can’t believe I want you this much.” Without disrupting the position, Sunghoon reaches between your bodies and angles his cock until it breaches your hole with just his tip. It pulls a gasp out of you and Sunghoon lifts his head to watch your face morph in pleasure with your mouth open slightly ajar and eyes almost squinting in disbelief. 

“You don't even know the half of it. I want all of you all the time.” He pushes another inch inside of you. “I want to mold your pussy to the shape of my cock to the point that nobody else can fuck you as good as I can.” 

You grip onto his biceps. “F-Fuck.”

“I want to be the only person you look for. I don’t care how long it takes me to come back, but I’m not leaving you behind. I want you. Only you.” 

The feeling you get when you’re with him makes your chest feel tight with love and admiration the more Sunghoon looks at you like you’re the object of his affection, as if you’re something he cannot live without. You didn’t know that love could feel like an accumulation of every happy memory replaying in your head simultaneously. This newfound overwhelming sensation makes you feel like there isn’t anything you can’t face, as long as you face them with Sunghoon. 

He, on the other hand, finally understands why people talk about finding a home within another person. He’d never given second thought to romance when he knew that his life was planned out for him since he was born and never once thought that he’d get to make decisions on his own about his feelings when his entire livelihood is surrounded by order and duty. But here you are, lying so beautiful underneath him like a mosaic built from colorful stained glass with the sun peeking through it. You look like a dream with your face so pretty the more he pushes into you until he’s buried himself to his full capacity. 

Neither of you have ever had sex like this, so pure and raw with your bodies in tune with one another. It feels like the two of you exist beyond space and time with the way your breathing intensifies the more Sunghoon pulls out from you just to push right back inside. The intensity that permeates around his bedroom makes your breath run short and it fuels Sunghoon to keep a slow and steady rhythm, allowing his cock to reach the deepest parts within you without pushing you too fast. The whole affair is erotic and what can only be described as lovemaking. Sunghoon watches your eyes squeeze shut below him and brings a hand to push the stray hair away from your face. He thinks the two of you must’ve been fated in every universe for him to find, because there is not a single person he could ever imagine loving more than you. 

“I’ll fuck you every single day if you let me,” Sunghoon mutters against your neck. He pulls his body up and places both palms on either side of your body before rolling his hips back. The new angle pushes him in a way that makes you moan loudly. 

“Fuck, Sunghoon.” 

“My baby’s so fucking pretty when she’s filled with my cock. Do you love this as much as I do?” 

“Yes!”

“Do you love me as much as I love you?”

You don’t hesitate to answer him. 

“I love you. I want you here forever.” 

“I can give you forever. I swear on it.” 

He pistons his hips until the audible sound of his pelvis smacking against yours becomes the loudest sound in the room. His balls slap against your ass when you wrap your legs around his waist until he drops to his elbows to catch you and squeeze your body when you clench around him. He tucks himself into your neck and his forehead feels warm and sweaty to the touch, but you can’t say that you don’t love how much he’s putting his body–and yours–through the ringer just to make you cum as many times as he possibly can. 

None of this feels real. Sunghoon might as well be a figment of your imagination because it seemed impossible for sex to feel as good as he’s making you feel. All of your concerns about the future don’t exist when he’s bringing you closer and closer to your second orgasm. He, too, pushes all of his unwanted thoughts away in favor of helping you chase your release. Sunghoon’s determined to show you just how much he loves you by any means possible, and if his words of conviction won’t do him justice, he hopes his body will. 

It’s uncanny the way you feel completely safe around Sunghoon, when no one else has ever made you close to feeling the way you do with you. You’re able to break right before his very eyes and pick yourself off of the floor without feeling ashamed to have insecure and unwanted feelings about love and your attitude surrounding happenstances. You live your life based on the principle that everything happens for a reason and that people come and go but lessons will always stick with you. The people who live as ghosts in your past serve as reminders of painful memories and people who were never supposed to be here for very long, and you pray to the Heavens that Sunghoon is somebody meant to be in your life until forever comes to an end. 

Sunghoon holds himself off until he feels you unravel around him by the way you cling onto his body and clench around his cock. He brings his lips to yours and roughly pushes against your swollen ones when he feels you coming undone and allows himself to follow your lead. His cum fills you with thick, white ropes and oozes out from around him when your pussy can’t hold it in anymore. Sunghoon slows his pace down the more you try to catch your breath in an attempt to help you ride out your orgasm without overwhelming you too much. The squelches keep him semi-hard and your lips taste exactly like his favorite memory. 

“My good girl,” he whispers. “So sexy when you cum.” 

“You’re one to talk. You look like fucking Adonis right now.” 

Sunghoon laughs and kisses your forehead. “You flatter me too much.” 

“Nuh uh. I’m telling you the truth. It’s a little unfair how you always look so good, even when you aren’t trying.” 

“You’re one to talk.” He kisses your lips. “You always look so…cute.”

“Just cute?” 

“Pretty, too.” 

“Only pretty?” Sungoon smacks your outer thigh. 

“You are very beautiful and I’m enamored with you.” 

That makes you blush. “Hoon.” 

“What? Can’t a guy proclaim his love anymore?” 

Sunghoon’s body is warm against yours and he looks down at you with a fond smile in a way you always hoped somebody would. His dark eyes feel warm from above you and something about the way he’s watching you doesn’t make you feel observed. Rather, you feel a blooming warmth within your chest and nuzzle into his touch when he brings his hand to cup your face and rub the apple of your cheek. Sunghoon is gentle with his touch and you find it unbelievable that he’s managed to squeeze his way into your comfort zone as successfully as he had. You love his touch. You crave it, even.

His smile widens when you kiss the underside of his hand with a sweet peck and tilts his head in amusement. You feel bashful when Sunghoon looks at you like this because it feels reminiscent of having a crush in your childhood years, but with him, you can’t find that you dislike the way that you feel. His palm is warm and comforting, especially after spending so much time putting your body through physical rigor in ways you’ve never experienced. His strength never ceases to impress you and the nights you’ve spent picturing yourself underneath him suddenly have merit to them now. 

You find yourself breaking your own character when you lift your head up to push Sunghoon’s lips against yours and his response is immediate. Sunghoon’s plush lips melt right into yours and he slots himself against you like he was always supposed to be there, letting your head lie against the bed while his arm holds your waist. Everything about Sunghoon makes you wonder if love is supposed to feel like a quiet hug amidst a rainstorm, or if it’s supposed to feel like the crescendo in a brilliant symphonic masterpiece. Perhaps it’s a combination of both or none at all. These deep feelings you have for him have never been brought out by anyone before him. 

Sunghoon must know what you’re thinking because his hand travels up your body and back to your hair, gently scraping your scalp with his blunt fingertips. It feels so good to be loved and doted on like this without feeling like you don’t deserve to find an ounce of happiness with somebody who tells you they love you. Years of running away from the feeling of a comfortable embrace melts away with every second that passes with your lips on Sunghoon’s. He feels like every bit of home you’ve spent your whole life yearning for. 

“What are you thinking about?” His question pulls you out of your thoughts and you can’t find it in you to lie to him. 

“Is it selfish that I want you to stay?” 

“No, it’s not. I don’t want to leave Seoul either. I don’t want to leave you.”

“It feels like I just got you but now I have to let you go.”

He kisses you. “You don’t have to let me go. I’ll do whatever it takes to convince my parents to let me live the life that I want. Our trip to your hometown made me realize there’s more to life than people’s expectations of me.”  

You bottom lip quivers. “I’m scared that they won’t budge and that you’ll leave. I’m scared that you’re going to move on and leave me here thinking about you.” 

“I’d never.” He shakes his head like it’s a fact. “I could never forget you. I would never even think about moving on from you. I’m scared that somebody’s gonna snatch you up when I’m away.” 

“I’m really in love with you, unfortunately.” Sunghoon nips at your lip and cherishes the way you laugh. He looks away from you for a split second but the soothing touch of his hand feels comforting. He watches you frown for a minute. “I didn’t get you a present.”

“Baby, you’re my present.”

“That was really corny.”

“It was, wasn’t it?” He kisses you once more. “You’re too important for me to give up. I don’t want to let you go.” 

Somehow, you know he’s telling the truth. 

“Does this mean I’m your boyfriend now?”

“You have to ask.”

“Can I be your boyfriend?” 

You silence him with a kiss and when he feels you smiling against him, he has his answer. 

****

comments and reblogs are appreciated! :) x

[jakevwebber]

one of the longest fics i’ve read in a while and it did not disappoint 🫰🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

[sweethoons]

government hooker - park sunghoon

: bodyguard!박성훈 x 𝒇!reader .

[ you thought being a famous model meant you could do whatever you wanted . . . until your new bodyguard park sunghoon decided to be the one to finally tame you !]

WRITING 𓈒 PWP , MINOR DNI , switch hoon , miscommunication , p in v , no protection (dont b silly wrap ur willy!!) , masturbation (f) , oral (f) , foot humping... (hoon..) , knee humping (if u squint) , outdoor sex , LOTS OF JEALOUSY!!!!! , petname : doll , princess , baby , good girl , good doll , good boy , make up sex , hoon lowk turned into a pup by the end , riding , cumming inside , squirting , slight angst , sunghoon turns VERY submissive , hickeys , brusing , sorry heeseung </3 𓏵 wc: 13.3k

a/n . . SET IN HONG KONG. this is my 1.5k followers treat!!!! pls pls PLS enjoy ^^ i worked hard on this </3 this is NOT proof read , m sorry for any mistakes

as the final flash of the camera went off, you let out a heavy sigh. you'd spent the last eight hours on the streets of mong kok in different fabrics of silk and under the red and green lights. and finally, your photoshoot was done.

you shrugged off the last piece of your outfit, the fur boa, and pulled up your usual clubbing attire, a black leather top, and matching skin-tight shorts. your sense of freedom.

which was about 30 seconds.

your bodyguard, park sunghoon, practically teleported from wherever the fuck he was. he was silent the whole day, from the moment you guys arrived on set, to lunch, where he let out low hums as he served you the shumai, untill now, as he stepped into the fading red light, the black suit practically the only shade you could see.

"car's ready to take you back to your apartment," he stated, no 'that was amazing!' or any 'good job out there', it was just a command.

"what? i'm not going home," you said rather angrily, brushing past him towards the makeup station to (aggressively) remove the remnants of your mascara. as you wiped the liquid away, you caught his reflection in the mirror. he hadn't moved a single bit.

"you have a 6am call time for the coastal shoot."

"and i'll be there," you sighed, swivelling around on the stool to face him. "but… first, i'm going to go to chaconne. they're having a like… private event thing for the post shoot."

"that's a three-hour commitment. minimum. and with traffic, that lands you going back at 2am. miss l/n, you need that resting period," he had stated, like he was reading medical documents.

"i dont need that resting period, i need a drink," you argued, flicking the wet wipe into the bin, "i need to be around people who aren't paid to stand around and look menacing," you whined, watching him through squinted eyes.

the expression on his face didn't change; it stayed stoic. however, something in the air did. it tightened.

he studied your face for a while, the way you tilted your chin upwards, the pout hidden in your lips, the outfit leaving little to the imagination. you saw his gaze do that slow sweep he rarely did, from your eyes, to your well-sat chest, to your thighs, and back to your eyes.

he wasnt just looking, he was taking notes. memorising. and it made your skin crawl.

"fine," he said with a graze of his teeth, the word quiet you almost couldn't catch it.

you blinked, a small smile filling your lips. "fine?"

"go." he gestured with his head towards the door, "go to the club."

your mind raced at his words, but the suspicion crept in slowly. "just like that—? you'll really let me go?"

"you're not a prisoner, y/n. you're my client." he sighed, shaking his head as he pulled out his phone from his inner pocket. "my job is to make sure you're safe, not your schedule." his eyes peered at you for a second, scanning over your body once again before looking back down at his phone. "i'll inform the drive of the change."

you didnt know how or why, but the win didn't feel like something victorious, it felt like a dangerous game.

—

as soon as you set foot into chaconne, you were immediately swallowed by the familiar faces, and the smell of baileys hit your nose. for the first hour, you practically blended in. you danced, you laughed, you let the bass of the music block sunghoon's silence entirely.

but, you never forgot he was there.

amidst the grinding bodies, he was practically a statue. he was propped against the bar, a bottle of water in his hand, his eyes tracking you through the crowd. not with any type of jealousy, but it was predatory. everytime you'd glance over at him, he'd already be watching. waiting for any type of signal from you that it was time to leave.

as the second hour started, the mood in the air soured. his gaze became heavier, a weight pressing down the back of your neck. your laughter started to feel forced, every smile feeling forced and awkward under his harsh gaze.

you tried to push the heavy feeling away, to drown it in the noise of shouting and singing. to your fortune, an opportuinity presented itself almost immediately, a fashion designer you vaguely recognised from one of your runways slid into the space beside you, his smile sly yet practised.

"hey," he murmured, leaning in a bit too close, his hot breath fanning your ear. "what's someone as beautiful as you doing here all alone? mannequins should never leave the store."

you internally grimaced at the shit pick up line, forcing out a sheepish laugh as you tilted your head. "maybe this mannequin is looking for a new owner." your face scrunched at your own words.

his eyes shone under the light. "is that so? well, i have an exclusive collection for you. private try-ons only." his hand settled against the small part of your back, a hot touch that you both welcomed, but resented. it was a distraction, something to take your mind off of sunghoon. "i've heard that your shoot today was… brutal. let me buy you a drink, a real one, yeah? something to soothe the nerves."

you were about to reply, to lean into the empty flirtation, when the atmosphere around you had frozen. it felt heavy, the tension strong enough that you could shatter it with a hammer. from the corner of your eye, you had seen sunghoon straighten from his lean at the bar. he didn't move, but his stillness became more… aggressive. his gaze was fixated on the man's hand on your back. as you looked back up you could see the change in his expression. his eyebrow slightly furrowed, the way he bit the inside of his cheek, the way his jaw twitched slightly.

and the designer must've felt it too. his face faltered at the feeling. "you, uhm… you came here with someone..?" he asked, voice losing the smooth edge feeling.

before you could even answer, the man's hand twitched and lifted from your back as if the leather had scorched him. he took a full step back, eyes darting past your shoulder with a sudden wariness and fear. "right— okay, maybe another time," he mumbled, already drifting back into the large sea of bodies.

you stood there, his touch now a ghost around your back. your face had heated up with a slight embarrassment as you looked at sunghoon once again. he hadn't lifted a finger, nor said a word. he'd existed, and that was enough to clear the area around you. the message was undeniably clear: enough.

your mind raced in fury and a hint of alchol. he wasn't trying to protect you, he was trying to restrict you.

and you decided to make it impossible for him, with a stomp of the foot you had pushed deep into the crowd of dancing bodies, deliberatley breaking his line of sight. and for five minutes, you were free. you had let the music take you away, throwing your head back, arms in the air, probably grinding on someones dick.

without a warning, an arm had snaked around your waist, locking you in place.

you yelped, but the sound of the music was too loud for anyone to hear it. before you could even process it, the world was upside down. the floor had vanished, replaced by the dizzy view of people's moving backs and flashing lights. the air had left your lungs, leaving you winded.

he had slung you over his shoulder like a sack of flour, a hand braced across the back of your thighs as he had owned you.

"what the hell are you doing!?" you shrieked, pounding your fists against the solid muscle of his lower back, to him it felt like you weren't doing anything. "put me down! sunghoon!"

he didnt answer, he had just began to move through the crowd with a dominance that made people stumble out of the in fear. the heat of his body seared through the leather top, his shoulder was pressed uncomfortably against your stomach.

you were mortified, livid, and painfully aware of the sheer power in the way he moved, effortlessly carrying you as if you weighed nothing. "you said fine!" you yelled, voice muffled by the music and his suit jacket, which smelled annoyingly like whiskey and axe bodyspray.

"your 'fine' is over," his voice was a low, rumble that you felt through his chest rather than heard. "i've told you, the 6am call time isn't negotiable. this is." he pushed through the fire exit of the building, the music replaced by a sudden silence and the cool air of the alley making you shiver.

he didnt put you down, he carried you all the way towards the black suv, opening the door with his free hand, his arm around your thighs, tightening as if he wanted to hold himself back, and practically threw (sat you down with aggression) you onto the cold leather seat.

he braced a hand on the doorframe, leaning in, his entire body blocking any chance of escaping. his hair was slightly dishevelled and sticking to his forehead from the crowd, his breathing still perfectly even. in the midst of it all, you could see his eyes from the car's subtle light. they were dark, filled with something wild.

"the next time," he said, voice hoarse, the threat dancing over your skin giving you goosebumps, "you decide to test me, consider how it'll end up. i can do this all night, darling, but, can you?"

he closed the door, not letting you answer his words; the darkness surrounded you in an instant. your heart hammered against your chest in humiliation and a hidden thrill. he'd manhandled you, and he won. you could feel the ghost of his shoulder and the imprint of his arm around the back of your thighs still burning. you wanted to tell yourself it meant nothing, you tried to, but you could feel your stomach coil just by thinking about it.

sunghoon sat in the opposite seat, taking deep breaths as he tried to cool his mind. his hand straightened his suit jacket, smoothing a hand over his dishevelled hair. he was looking out the window at the blurred lights of the city, his profile sharp, as if he hadn't tossed you over his shoulder infront of the cities elite's, as if your body wasnt still hot and heavy.

"you touched me," you said, voice trembling, not from fear, but with a rage that was dangerously close to something else you didn't want to admit.

he didn't turn, eyes glued to the outside. "i needed to remove you from the dangerous situation."

"dangerous?" a bitter laugh left your throat. "it was the fucking dance floor."

he let out a heavy sigh before finally shifting his head, streetlights fractured in his dark eyes. "you were three minute's from being followed into the bathroom by a man whose name you didn't even know, y/n." he scoffed, crossing his arms. "i bet you didn't even know his friends were recording from the bar. i'm pretty sure that's dangerous."

the information ran through your mind in an instant. you hadn't noticed, of course not. you were too busy trying to escape the sight of sunghoon, to even realise. the anger that was once racing through your mind had now faded into a sickening shame.

but, you didnt want him to see him, you couldn't let him see it. so, you doubled down on your words, facing away towards the window and crossing your arms over your chest. "so, your solution was to… manhandle me? like im some sack of potatoes?"

"my solution," he said, voice dropping to a rasp and one vibrating between the small space of both of you, eyes zeroing in on the way your chest popped out, "was the most efficient way to drag you out without causing a larger scene." his eyes gazed from your chest, down to your thighs which were clenched together, and back up to your wild hair. you could feel the tension and desire radiating off of him. "you left me no choice."

"i hate you," you whispered, the words having no meaning behind them.

he let out a content hum, turning away to face the window as well, mirroring your position. "right back at you, brat." the nickname just split out of his mouth, making your eyes wide, a wave of heat travelling through your skin. yet, you didn't mention it, letting the words hang in the car.

as the car stopped, he was out the door before the driver could even move or turn off the car, opening your side of the door. he didn't offer a hand; he just stood there with the door wide open, eyes sharper than ever as he watched you and waited.

with a huff, you slid out, legs unsteady and shaking. you had made a point to brush against him as you passed, your hands gliding against his own, and you could feel him go perfectly still. making you smirk as you walked in front of him.

the ride in the elevator was worse. the mirrored walls reflecting both of you, the silence filling up the small box. you could see every bit of your own emotion, your flushed cheeks, disheveled hair, and the bewildered glint in your eyes. while he was calm and 'controlled'.

but, you knew better than anyone else.

you watched his face through the reflection. you could see the subtle twitch in his jaw when you shifted your weight. you caught the way his gaze flicked down for a split second, a violation of his own rules, before snapping back to the ascending numbers on the screen. you noticed each blink that lasted a second too long, the way his tongue swiped over his lower lip.

he was holding himself back from doing something he'd regret in the future.

the elevator doors slide open with a soft chime, the cool air hitting both of you in an instant. you took fast steps towards the penthouse's door, heart racing slightly as you opened the doors, tossing your clutch onto the side table with a sharp clatter.

you expected to hear the door shut behind you, leaving you alone in shame and humiliation. instead, you could hear his footsteps right behind you. he'd followed you in. he never came this close, unless it was to do a security sweep of your place.

with a furrow on your face, you whirled around to face him. "what?"

he stopped a few feet away, his hands back in that relaxed position behind his back. "you will drink a full glass of water, and take the aspirin i've left on your counter." his voice left no room for argument, as he placed a small box on the kitchen island. "you'll be in bed, lights out, within an hour." his eyes traced the lines of your face, the way your chest frantically rose and fell. "i'll known if you arent."

"or what?" you scoffed, shaking your head softly to seem intimidating. but, it came out soft, less sure. "you'll tuck me in yourself?"

the silence that followed was deafening; it practically sucked out the air of the room. you noticed the way his jaw tightened again, the muscle twitching. his gaze dropped to your mouth and your neck, just for a heartbeat, before snapping back to your eyes.

his professional persona was still there, but underneath it, you could see him fighting with his own control.

"do not," he mumbled, words so quiet they were almost inaudible, "push me tonight, y/n."

it wasn't a threat from your bodyguard, but a warning. one from the man hidden behind his professionalism, one filled with honesty and admission. the line between you two is thinner than ever.

your breath hitched as you stood there frozen. the anger now gone, burned away and replaced by something white-hot and fragile in its place. your emotions rushed through your brain, and you wanted to scream. cry. you wanted to close the distance between you both and see what would happen if you finally went against his words and pushed him.

he was the one who had broke the tension first. he let out a shaky, almost disappointed sigh, as he nodded, turned on his heel, and walked out. the door closed with a soft, definitive click. you didn't move after he left, just placed your hand on your stomach. you could feel the ghost of his shoulder against you, the raspiness in his voice. do not push me tonight, y/n."

after five minutes, you had moved. your mind racing as you followed his orders. you poured the water he'd demanded, you swallowed the aspitin left neatly on the counter. his voice practically controlling you as you mindlessly completed his tasks.

however, you didnt go to your bedroom like he told you to. you found yourself on the wide, cold ledge of your window knees drawn to your chest as you stared down at the city lights below you. mind replayed every single second. the possessive grip, the dizzying view from his shoulder, the way his jaw tightened when you called his name, the feeling of his hands branding your thigh.

a soft buzz cut off your thoughts; the glow of your long-forgotten phone had lit up the glass beside you. a notification, one that sunghoon had probably set when you were doing your photoshoot.

6 am - costal shoot , call time @ repulse bay.

your heart raced at the notifiaction, your fingers couldnt move to even pick up your phone. you just stared at it until the screen faded to black, leaving you with your thoughts again.

a sound of the car beeping made you snap back to reality, head shaking in an instant. he thought he had won, he thought once he left he had reestablished the boundary between you two. and he did, for 10 minutes. he though you'd be a good girl and go to sleep, like he told you too.

with a shaky exhale, you slid off the ledge, a new calm settling over you. you didn't change out of the leather top and skin-tight shorts. you just walked to your bedroom, but not to sleep. you sat on the edge of your bed in the dark, watching the digital clock on your bedside table tick to 2 am.

you were going to that shoot, you were going to be on time, and professional. but something was going to change, sunghoon was going to change.

you picked up your phone, the glow illuminating your face, expression unreadable. without a thought, you clicked the camera app open, and pushing down your tubetop, your breasts practically falling out in an instant, nipples barely hidden by the shirt. with a hidden smirk, you clicked the photo button.

next, you pushed your pants down, just below your ass to reveal your panties, before you breached the waistband of your underwear, snapping another photo.

with a shakey breath, you had clicked the 'record' option, placing the phone beside you, at an angle where sunghoon could see your side, yet not enough of you.

your fingers delicately swiped over your clit, letting out a shivery moan. before dipping your fingers into your hole, the slick instantly coating your fingers. "sunghoon…" you whispered, loud enough for the camera to catch, two fingers instantly pumping in and out of you.

your mind blank as you curled your fingers, your palm hitting your clit— and just like that, you came and saw white, sunghoon's name on your tongue as you moaned. your fingers rested inside you, slowly scissoring to let you ride down your high.

with a smirk, you went to stop the recording with your free hand, searching his contact name on your messanges: park sunghoon , kinda annoyingly hot bodyguard

you : [attachment: 2 images , 1 video]

you : come over m so lonely ;(

you hit send with a sigh, the silence stretching for one minute. then two. and you saw him read the message, ellipsis dissappearing and reappearing. and by that moment, you knew you've gotten him. before he could even send a message, you tossed your phone onto your bed, chest still heaving slightly before rolling over to fall asleep.

sunghoon : miss y/n? what is this?

sunghoon : fuck, is that what you really think of me?

sunghoon : it's 2:07 am.

sunghoon : dont fucking tempt me. dont send me shit like this again.

—

the alarm beeped aggressively beside your ear, waking you up rudely from your dream of getting fed grapes like a god. in it, however was sunghoon, his eyes doe and almost submissive. everytime he spoke it sent shivers down your spine.

you fumbled to silence the blaring noise by your head, outside still dark due to the early morning of 4 am, for a moment, you just layed there. the memories of last night's actions rushing back to you, resulting in a red face, yet not in regret or embarrasment, just reality hitting you. you had crossed a line, and you couldn't erase it.

you moved through your usual morning routine with a eerie clamness. the shower was hotter than usual, your skincare just a tad more sloppier than usual, your outfit more simple than usual, a oversized hoodie and some shorts. something had switched.

you didn't check your phone, you didn't need to. the proof of what you'd done was heavy in the air of your penthouse. you could feel chills running down your spine as you took a step out of the door, your eyes trying to adjust to the bright light of the lobby at 5:28 am, you practically saw it immediatley. the suv was already there, waiting for you.

sunghoon stood outside the passenger door, arms crossed over his broad chest, staring directly at the building's entrance. but you could tell something was off, he wasn't in his usual composed stance, no. his foot was tapping ever so slightly against the concrete, he wasn't wearing his suit jacket, just the white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and he looked like he might've slept in it.

as soon as you stepped foot into his eyesight, you could see the tension and eyebags under his eyes. there was no professionalism left, his gaze dark and furious as he intensely stared at you. you noticed the way his jaw tightened and how his biceps through the thin material pop.

he didn't speak, nor did he open the door. he just stared, waiting for you to come closer, his entire presences a practical question.

you gulped a hard lump in your throat, own expression blank as you walked to the car. you stopped a few feet from him, morning air cooler between your bodies. the scent of axe body spray and coffee had wrapped around you.

"you're early…" you said, voice unnaturally calm in the heavy silence of the morning.

his eyes, the sharp gaze on you didn't waver. "you're late," he countered, voice low and rough. it wasn't about the time.

after what felt like forever, he'd finally move a sharp single step that closed the distance. he was close enough now that you could see the redness around the corner of his eyes, the way his pupils were dialated, the way his adams apple bopped. he had reached behind him, yanking the car door open for you. it wasn't a gesture of service, but an order.

"get in."

you hesitated, just for a second, looking up at him. you were this close to flipping the script, follow his orders like a pet, just like you did last night. but you didnt, you huffed, crossing your arms once again.

"or what?" you whispered, the challenge in your voice lacked its usual heat, this time it was a genuine question.

a humorless sound escaped his lips. he leaned in, voice dropping to something more dangerous only you were meant to hear. "or i wont be responsible of what i say or do, pretty. we both have a long day ahead of us, so if you wouldn't be such a brat…" he straightened himself, moving towards the side to let you in, "get. in. the. car. now."

the threat was different than his usual ones, he wasn't going to physically remove you. it was about words, truths. about the way he was holding everything that had built up between the both of you. with a exhale, you slid into the backseat of the car, not missing the way he looked at your backside as you entered.

as soon as you buckled your seatbelt, he didn't slam the door, he'd just closed it with a precise finality. the sound ending anything you would've wanted to say. as he walked around towards the other side, you saw him run a hand through his already messed up hair, a rare occurance, before he had composed himself, straightening his shoulders as he got in.

the driver pulled away from the curb, the only sound surrounding you was the engine. you were alone in the back with him, anything could practically happen. you glanced up at him with a almost worried look in your eyes. he stared straight ahead, his profile still perfect than ever, just… his eyes had more emotion, a storm of them. anger, dangerous and something raw, one that made your stomach clench.

you opened your mouth, not even sure of what you would've said, an apology? something to provoke him more? the words died in your throat before it could even reach your mouth.

"don't," he said, the single word cutting the silence instantly. he didn't look at you, his voice low and strained, almost painful to hear. "don't say a single word to me right now."

he finally turned his head, full force of his gaze weighing down on you. it wasn't anger anymore, just an exhausting intensity.

"you think this is a game," he started, voice dropping lower and almost trembling. "you think sending me… that.. in the middle of the night was just another way to win." he leaned in slightly, making you press your back against the seat. "you have no idea what you're playing with. no idea what you're asking for."

you wanted to move away, jump out the car even, but you couldn't. he held your wide-eyed star for a long, almost punishing moment before turning back to the window without another word, as if he couldn't bear to look at you anymore. you could see his hand, the one resting on his thigh, clenched into white knuckled fists.

the rest of the drive passed in a sufforcating silence, as you watched the citylines of causeway bay turn into discovery bay, the secenery nothing but a smear of random colours against the window. you wanted a reaction, but you got a reality check, one you werent able to even handle.

—

the shoot was basically torture. you were following his words to the bone: punctual, polite, cooperative top model. not saying you weren't, but you'd have to be on your best behaviour infront of sunghoon.

your smile's were filled with more sugar, your short patients miraculously had turned into hours as you waited for the stylist's adjustment's of your dress, and you even took the photographer's critisism with a simple nod, no argument.

it was basically a performance, and one that was solely for him.

sunghoon stood at his usual post, his dark shadow against the white rental van, but his professional mask now a facade. you could feel his gaze on you, more hotter than the morning sun. every time a male staff member's hand lingered near your shoulder to adjust a strap, you saw the subtle flare of his nostrils. every time you laughed at a joke from the photographer, his jaw tightened just a bit.

you have never been more away of your own body, of every gesture, every glance.

the first break came, you were shivering under the sun, the sea's wind hitting you like an ice brick. you hugged yourself, rubbing you arms to heat yourself up.

"tough gig, huh?"

the voice practically made you jump. you turned around with wide eyes, only to relax as you saw him. kim sunoo, a model you've done dozen campaigns with. he was a harmless and friendly guy, who was convienetly in a long puffer jacket. "they always forget we're humans, not mannequins, huh?" he laughed, already shrugging out of it. "here, before you turn onto a frozen statue."

you rolled your eyes, smiling in an instant. "you're an angel," you laughed, already accepting the vest. as you pulled it on, you practically moaned in relief as you felt the warmth envelop you, your arms wrapping your body once again. "seriously, i owe you, sunoo."

"just get me a coffee later," he joked, leaning a shoulder against the same equipment crate you were near.

you chatted about anything and everything during your break, your mutual ganecy, about what you'd do after your careers, five nights at freddys lore, anything. you let yourself relax into the conversation, despite the high-stakes war with your own bodyguard.

from across the set, sunghoon watched. he saw the way sunoo gave you his jacket. he saw you hug it around yourself, face softening in a way it never did for him. he saw how sunoo leaned in, how close you were, how you smiled. it wasn't the blantant provocation of your videos, but worse.

it was natural, a glimpse of you that existed outside of him, a you who could be warm and smiled at by someone else.

a cold, quiet rage began to bubble in his veins, one slow and deadly.

the shoot resumed, you gave the jacket back with another thanks. but, the damage was already done. for the next hour, sunghoon's mind filled with a storm of emotions. his silence grew heavier, more oppressive.

he had stopped obesrving, and began to track your every move. when sunoo passed you a bottle of water, sunghoon's eyes followed the bottle as if it was a knife. when sunoo just brushed past you, sunghoon's eyes followed him as if he was robbing you.

the final straw came during the last setup. you were waiting for the lighting adjustments with a hot pack in your hand. sunoo had went over to you to show you a funny video, as you offered him a hot pack as well. with a laugh, you both leaned over the screen, heads held close together. the sound from the both of you genuine.

that was it.

sunghoon moved for the first time.

he didn't just walk, he took long steps that closed the distances with a terrifying speed that had staff members stumbling out of his way. once he reached you, he didn't utter a single word to sunoo. he had simply inserted himself between you, his back to the other model, body physically cutting him off from you.

his hand closed around your elbow, but it wasn't the polite touch of a bodyguard, but from someone who was possessive, jealous. the grip firm enough to make you gasp.

"we're leaving. now," his voice left no room for argument, it practically vibrated with tension that had been built for hours. now, this wasn't about any safety. it wasn't about the schedule. it was all about him.

"sunghoon, what— the shoot, it isn't—" you started, heart hammering.

as his eyes locked onto yours, you noticed something. you noticed how his controlled composure is gone, replaced by something feral and animalistic. "do not," he bit out, each word laced with venom, "say another word."

he turned, pulling you with him. he didn't lead you to a car or a tent. he marched you towards the secluded cluster of jagged rocks that hid you from the view of the silent, stunned set. his grip was burning into your wrist, steps long and furious on the uneven sand, forcing you to stumble to keep up in your heels.

the sound of the sea grew louder, the crash of waves against the stone's muting the distant murmurs of the staff and set.

once you were hidden, he released your wrist only to spin you around, backing you against the cold rough stone. his rough hands came up on either side of you, caging you in, body blocking out the sky.

he was breathing heavily, not from any sort of tirdness, but from the amount of emotion holding him back. the scent of the sea practically nonexistant by the heat of him, the smell of his deodarant now making your head spin.

"explain." he demanded, voice low and a ragged growl. his eyes searched your face, hungry and furious. "the video you sent. the messages. and… him." he didn't say sunoo's name, as if it would kill him if he did. "what is this game, y/n? what do you want from me?"

he leaned in closer, face a breath away from yours. his gaze was terrifying, and… you'd hate to say it, but it was hot.

"y/n, i've done everything to control myself. i've tried my best to maintain every rule i've set for myself. and— you. you have done nothing but try and provoke me." his voice dropped to a harsh whisper. "so tell me. right now."

"what. do. you. want?"

your breath hitched, a sharp sound lost in the crash of the waves. your lips parted, but no sound came out. your eyes dropped from his predatory glare, to his mouth, then back up.

his own restraints was as visible as yours. you could see the veins of his neck popping out, the way his hands pressed against the rock beside your head, whitening knuckles, shaking slightly, from holding back from closing the distance between your bodies.

"y/n." he said, your name sounding desperate and broken. "answer me."

you swallowed, the lump in your throat nearly choking you.

the truth, the stupid, terrifying truth, tumbled out in barely a whisper.

"you."

the word hung in the cool air between the both of you.

a ragged exhale escaped him, eyes squeezing shut for a second as if it was a dream. when they open again, the possessivness was still there, but it had melted. melted into something more hotter, and definitely more dangerous.

"me," he repeated, words low and almost disbelieving. "you want, me?" he shifted, one hand from from the rock, his fingertips coming to brush against the pulse hammering in your throat. "the anger? frustration? the man who loses his mind because another man dared to give you his jacket?"

you nodded, a tiny, almost unoticible movement. "i want you to stop being my bodyguard for a second, sunghoon." you gasp, heart pulsing out of your mouth. "i want you to just be… him. the one who gets angry, the one who manhandles me out of the club. the one who probably jacked off to the video i sent you at 2 am."

his breath hitched at your last words, a soft blush creeping onto his face. his thumb swept over your jawline, touch still terrifyingly gentle compared to his intensity. "that… that man isn't safe for you," he breathed, forehead lowering until it touched yours. "that man wanted to do things… things that breaked every single rule. since the first day i saw you."

"then break them," you whispered, own hands coming up to fist the front of his shirt weakly. "please, for me. break them all."

a low, tortured sound rippled through his chest, it was the sound of something snapping.

"fuck you," he murmured, voice lacking of any threat, as his mouth captured your own.

it wasn't gentle, it was something claiming, one of a desperate answer to everything you've thrown his way.

the hand on the rock left to frame your face, his kiss swallowing your gasp, pouring the months of tension into you. from the sleepless nights, to the seething frustration to your provoking moves. you could feel him tighten his hand around your neck just a tiny bit, as he pushed his body closer to yours. the rocks behind you digging into your back as his knee slotted between your legs.

you moaned into the kiss as you felt his knee push against your cunt, only for him to growl into your mouth as a warning. the hand around your neck tightening. "don't be too loud, princess." he rumbled, his chest vibrating against yours.

a sound punched out of you, a desperate gasp you didn't even recognize as your own. your body moved on its own, your hips seeking friction against the muscle of his thigh through his slacks and your dress. a tight coil practically hit your stomach, and you knew with humiliating clarity that he could also feel how desperate you were. how the slick heat rushed through you onto your panties.

a low dark chuckle vibrated in his chest, one that sounded of pure male satifaction. "easy now," he murmured, breath hot against your lips. his voice was rough, thick with control that was entierly different than before, this. this was the control of a man who knew he'd won. "i know we just… 'confessed'."

god, he was so hot. and he clearly, almost devastatingly, knew it. the hand that had been at your neck tightened for one last possessive squeeze, before sliding down. his palm tracing a path over your bollarbone, the curves of your breast, to setllte firmly on your waist.

his other hand joined it, fingers splaying across the small of your back. "here," he growled, word more of a command than endearment. he guided your hips against his thigh, his own hip foward, the press deliberate and undeniable, letting you feel the hard proof of his own lack of control. "this is what you wanted, isn't it? to see me break, to see me like this?"

he moved again, a slow, griding roll that had stars trickling behind your eyelids. his forehead dropped against yours, eyes burning into yours inches away. the feral anger had disappeared, transforming into a smoldering, possessive heat.

"congrats, brat." he breathed, his lips a hair away from yours. "you've got exactly what you asked for."

his mouth didn't touch yours. he held that agonizing, painstaking distance, letting the heat of your ragged, breaths mingle in the space between the both of you. he was taunting you, showing you how he could control you.

and that made you see red.

enough of these games. enough of the torturous pace. your hands flew up, fingers tangling in the dark strands of his gelled hair. you didn't coax him, you pulled him. yanking his head down with a force that erased any distance.

the moment your lips met, it wasnt sweet. it wasn't gentle. it was something final, furious. one that ended the war of pining between you two. a gasp was wallowed between you, and he froze for one second, shock stilling him.

then, with a low growling sound, that was filled with pure hunger, he had gave in.

no, he took over.

his arms wrapped around your waist tighter, crushing you against the wall of his chest and the cold rock behind you. the kiss transformed from a desperate claim into something almost pathetic. it was all the heat and demand, his mouth moved over yours with a starving intensity. you could feel his hard on grinding against your clothed cunt.

"please." you begged, unsure of what you were even begging for. the sharp thrust of his cock against you made you practically cry. your moans silenced by his kisses. "shh…"

one of his hands slid from your waist to under your dress, the heat almost unbearable. his finger hooked your panties to the side, feeling the slick against your cunt. "so needy for me arent you?" he muttered, his index and middle finger inside of you within seconds, just like the video you sent him.

his fingers curled and scissored you, making your knees feel weak. you didn't know how, but fuck, he was good. his palm slapped your clit occasionally, the sensation making you moan into his mouth louder than before.

he was practically drinking them up as if it was whiskey, the sound music to his ears. "i need you to turn around for me, can you do that, baby?" his hands already pulling away from you, to unzip his slacks.

you eagerly nod, turning around as your hands braced the harsh rocks. you could feel his mushroomy tip glide across your hole, making your back arch, and push towards him. sunghoon practically took his time with you.

each movement was slow and deliberate, your stomach curling into an aching need, it was practically crazy how bad you wanted him. in public.

"want me bad, dont ya?" he muttered, his hand fisting the flesh of your ass, to spread you wide open. his tip finally slides into you with ease, making you both moan.

he practically gave you no time to adjust, pulling out to slam back inside of you. the thrusts were so rapid you needed to grip onto the rocks until your knuckles turned white. "shit, i've been waiting," he groaned, his teeth nipping the back of your neck. his hand going down to land a sharp slap on your ass cheek.

you cried out at his words and actions, biting your lip till it bleeds. "fuck, sunghoon—" you whined, eyes practically rolling to the back of your head. you could feel his hands grip around your waist, leaving marks against your neck which wont disappear for another few weeks,

"gotta show everyone who you belong to, yeah?" he growled, teeth still connected to your skin as his hand goes to circle your clit. his thrusts still as brutal as ever. "i want you to cum." he whispered, the sound almost so seductive contrasting the waves.

you nod against the rocks, earning a sharp slap against your already red ass cheek. "y—yes!" you winced, your stomach coiling and knotting at the feeling.

"good girl." he purred, and that alone made you cum on the spot. your moan high pitched as your gummy walls clenched around his cock.

"hoon—" you cried out, letting yourself ride out the high by sunghoons brutal thrusts.

"shit, baby. i'm gonna—" he groaned, pulling out just in time so he came onto the rocks, his cum shooting ropes onto the grey stone, which, in your opinion, was a waste.

he groaned softly as he tucked himself in, his mind clouded with the feeling of you wrapped around his cock. but, he still had a job to do. he kissed your temple softly, landing a playful slap on your cheek, making you jolt and whisper his name.

before you could even process it, his hands were on you again. he fixed you with a meticulous care, one more that any other guy has before. he tugged your panties back into place, the fabric damp against your senstive skin. he smoothed down the rumpled skirt of your dress, knuckles brushing your thighs.

then, with a smile, he pulled out a neaty, white handkerchief from his inner pocket. he knelt, just slightly enough, the sand dusting on his knees, to wipe away the slick evidence from your earlier activites, the feeling making you sigh softly, as he stood up and tucked it away back into his pocket for other uses.

he used his thumb to wipe away the tears, which you hadn't even realized were there. his expression was unreadable, something fixed with pure focus but also a hidden adoration behind it. when he finished, he cupped your chin, tilting your face to meet his eyes. a warm unusal smile plastered on his face.

"now," he hummed, voice low and even, laced with authority that left no room for argument. "be a good doll and finish that shoot for me, yeah?"

he released your chin, giving your hip a final pat, stepping back to hold out a hand to guide you away from the rocks. the change, sudden, but one you'd welcome. you smiled softly, one not os submission, but a secret understanding. you placed your hand in his, allowing him to guide you away from the rocks and back to the set.

as soon as you turned the corner, the entier set seemed to freeze. dozen eyes snapped to both of you, both wide and bewildered with curiosity. they could tell what had happened, evidence all over the both of you: the faint, reddish-purple bite marks on your neck and lower lip, the red, puffy rims of your eyes, the slight tremble in your legs. they saw him, his face no longer stoic, but composed with an undeniable smirk on his puffy lips as he held your hand, his thumb stroking a slow circle over your knuckles.

the silence was deafening, but not a single person, not the photographer, not the stylist, not even sunoo, had dared to say a word. the energy between you was raw and possessive. it needed silence.

sunghooon led you directly to the mark for the next shot. he leaned in, lips brushing against your ear as he adjusted a stray strand of hair for the cameras, his voice a low murmur only for you to hear.

"perfect. just like that, doll. don't forget to smile, yeah?"

he took a step back, melting into the background once again. but, you could feel his gaze on you, heavier and more possessive. you turned towards the lens, smile blooming effortlessly like you hadn't just fucked more than 10 minutes ago.

the shoot continued, everyone, forgetting what had happened, but you didn't. sunghoon was less aggressive, more clingy during your breaks, hands lingering on your waist, fingers brushing each strand.

you were his, and everyone on the beach knew it.

—

after the fiasco on the beach, as the both of you privaetly valled it, didn't end with a whispered agreement. it ended with a decision made in your comfortable at 3 am, his lips still tasting of the salty sea and your own lips. "no more hiding," he muttered into your hair, arms wrapped around your torso. "they'll find out either way, i'd rather they heard it from us."

and he was right, less than 48 hours it was all over every social media platform ever.

breaking news!

model, y/n l/n, now dating her bodyguard, park sunghoon!

. . . click here to see more !

the article had a grainy photo of the both of you shot from afar, leaving a quiet dinner, his hand not guiding you as usual, but intertwined with yours. the comments were a mix of shock, fake concern for your future, and people in denial. you didn't read most of it, and sunghoon made sure of that. plucking the phone out of your grasp, replacing it with a towel so you could dry his damp hair. "it's just noise, baby. we knew it would be."

you let out a laugh at his newfound clinginess, your finger going to tap his nose softly as you dried his hair, "you're like a dog, hoonie."

"i'm your dog." he mumbled, pressing a kiss into your thigh, making you slap him lightly with a towel.

"ow!"

over the month, you were inseparable. dynamic clearly shifting, he was no longer a shadow, but he was your boyfriend, present in every dimension of your life.

at shoots, he stood and watched, not from the shadows, but now from a director's chair with your name on it, going over security briefing notes, or more often than not, watching you with a pride that made your cheeks a soft pink.

dueing breaks, he didn't linger at the service table; he'd walk right onto the set, handing you a customised coffee, and kissing you softly, not caring about the crew's judgmental looks. "missed you," he'd whisper, as if you both were weeks apart.

in meetings, he sat beside you, not behind you. when a brand executive talked down to you, it wasn't you who stood up for yourself, but sunghoon. voice cold and lethally polite, would cut through the sharp air. "i'd reconsider your tone when you're talking to my girlfriend." the room would go silent, he wasn't just someone working for you, but someone who cared about you.

in the car, the drives were no longer silent; they were loud and bubbly. his hand would rest on your thigh, his thumb stroking absently as he scrolled through emails, while you talked about the drama inside the modelling scene, or you'd doze off with your head on his shoulder, lulled off by the way he would talk about his past careers before working for you.

the public saw a possessive bodyguard who'd crossed a line, but they didn't see the man who had learned how to braid your hair before bed to keep it from tangling, or the one who had a whole notes app dedicated to you and what you hated or enjoyed. they saw a scandal, while you saw someone hopelessly devoted to you.

he was there for you when you needed someone to hang onto, he was there when you needed someone to laugh with. he was also there when you got an invitation to go to one of the most luxurious galleries in hong kong.

the venue was a sleek, members-only gallery, all white walls and whispered conversations. you were on sunghoon's arm, wearing a silver and long dress, you practically felt like royalty. he was in a tuxedo, looking less like a bodyguard, and more like your future.

and for the first hour, it was perfect. you moved through the crowd together, you sipped champagne, admired the rather confusing art pieces and laughed at a few, you exchanged polite smiles with well-known models and artists.

sunghoon's hand never left your back, something that made you warm and comfortable. this was something you havent even dared to think about outside of your dreams, but here you are, the two of you, in this gallery full of famous people, only belonging to each other.

it felt like you lived on cloud nine.

until you felt his hand leave your back.

he leaned down, his lips pressed against your cheek softly. "i just got a text, i need to find the head of security," he murmured, voice a warm rumble. "two minutes, okay? don't move from this spot."

you nodded, a warm fuzz growing in your stomach, giving his arm a tight squeeze. "okay, hoon."

he shot you a look that was filled with affection and a small warning as he melted into the crowd with a silent elegancy.

you turned back to try and admire the banana tapped onto the wall, sipping your drink as your mind wandered. what the fuck is this and who bought it.

"a work of art looking at another work of art, huh?" a smooth voice hummed beside you.

your face scrunched, to see a man, tall and his hair a ashy brown, holding a business car between his fingers like he was trying to tell you a secret. "lee heeseung. i've been trying to get an introduction from you all night. your energy… is just wow."

he let out a soft hum, gaze flickering rather dismissively towards the direction sunghoon had gone. "right, mr. park? he seems like… a dedicated bodyguard, doesn't he? a bit intense for a place like this, don't you think?" he laughed, taking half a step closer to you, invading the space that sunghoon always maintained around you. "a masterpiece like you shouldn't be hidden by some… shadow. i'm having an after-party on my room, very exclusive. private. the view is undeniable. you look like you could use a taste of freedom."

your skin crawled at his words. you opened your mouth, you were about yell at him, tell him to stop, when the air around you shifted. the temperature didn't just drop, it congealed. you felt him before you even saw him.

sunghoon had returned, he stood fifteen feet away, his face from loving now carved into fury. he wasn't looking at you. his whole being was focused on heeseung, on the distance between you two, on the way he was leaning into your space. you saw the instant transformation of sunghoon in a detail you never wanted to see: the way all the colour drained from his pale face, his knuckles clencing into his fists, nails piercing the skin of his palm slightly, the strain in his neck, the blankess that filled his features.

then, without a word, he had turned and walked away. not towards you, but away. and you swore you could see his eyes cloud up. he cut through the body of people with sharp, angry steps, heading straight for the outdoor bar, by the balcony.

your heart sank at the view. he was leaving you there, with this parasite. this idiot. fine. that was fucking fantastic.

you turend back to heeseung, smile now sharp enough to cut paper. "mr. lee," you said, voice dripping with poision. "let me be perfectly clear. the only thing im interested in is you getting the hell out of my sight. if your brain was as intellegant as the way you spoke, you'd have noticed the man you insulted could practically break you in more ways than your money could ever fix!" you cheered, clasping your hands together. "now, you will turn around, and you'll walk away. and if you so much as think of my name again, i'll personally ensure the only thing you'd be reciving is a punch into that cocklette of yours."

the colour drained from his face, the smug confidence evaporating in a second. his hands flew to his clothed cock, as he stammered something with a red face and fled.

with a huff, you turned around, gaze pinned to the bar by the balcony. and there, you could see your handsome boyfriend against the night skies and a… girl. she was stunning, wearing a blood-red drss and her hair flowing in confident curves. you watched as she smiled, tilting her head.

she had said something, touching his forearm lightly with a pout. sunghoon simply nodded, face masked of a polite attention. he didn't take a step back, nor did he look uncomfortable. he just listened to her.

a hot, prickling feeling crawled up your neck. jealousy.

you swallowed the lump in your throat as you cut through the crowd, steps quickening by the second. as you got closer, you could hear her velvety voice.

"…you poor thing, it must be so demanding, a job like yours. all that focus. all that strength." she let her gaze travel over his shoulders in lust. "you look like you could handle anything."

sunghoon gave a single, acknowledging nod. "situational assessments and de-escalation are key components of being a bodyguard, yes.."

you almost choked at his words.

she laughed a flirtatious sound, leaning in closer to him. "i'm sure. i feel so much safer just talking to you. maybe you could give me a private lesson sometime, hm? i have a penthouse with a… very complex security system."

sunghoon's brows furrowed slightly, as if he was given a math problem. "i don't do private residential consultations… but my firm could refer you to a qualified specialist."

that was it, that tiny, meaningless gesture, after the build up of jealousy you'd just witness in him, was enough to fuel the tank.

(not so) calmly, you turned, back facing the scene. you watched as a waiter walked past you, allowing you to place the flute glass down, loud enough it made an echoing sound. you took large steps as you collected your clutch and the faux fur wrap from the coat rack with a smile, nodding at the attendant.

you moved through the lobby like a ghost, one untouchable and icy. your hands struggling to push the heavy doors into the cool night, the cities sound welcoming you made your head pound, silencing the sufforcating murmurs of the gallery behind you. you took a deep, shuttering breath as you took a step in your heels. you'd walk home in them if you had to.

you'd had made it exactly five steps away from the building when a familiar black car slid right beside you, the tinted window rolling down with a soft 'vrrr' sound.

he was inside.

you didn't know how, he was there so quick but you didn't mention it. he didn't lean foward, wasn't straining to see you. he was reclined in the leather seat, one arm draped along the back of the seat. you could see his eyes glancing at you with a unreadable emotion.

"get in."

his voice was quiet. flat. devoided of the rage you had heard, the warmth you craved. it was the voice he used to state facts. fork found in the kitchen. sky is blue. get in.

you stopped, letting out a huff and lifting your chin. "you don't get to do that. you don't get to walk away when some creep was all over me, then just show up and give me orders when you get jealous."

"he touched you?" the question was sharp, body going rigid.

"not the point!" you shot back, voice trembling. "the point is, you left. she showed up, and you— you actually acknowledged her! answered her when she flirted with you."

there was a second of silence, one that stretched for too long. "she asked about the job, i told her i'll refer her back to my company. that's all it was."

it sounded reasonable. it was most likely the truth. but your jealousy was already powered up, risen through the roof. "well, it didn't look like nothing. not after what i saw on your face. not after you walked away from me!"

he winced softly when you yelled at him. that was the first time he's ever heard you raised your voice. "get in the car." he repeated, the command now quiet and weaker, straining at the edges. "we'll talk at home."

"no." the word was final. you took a step back, away from him and the car. "i'm not getting in that car. i'm going to walk, and be alone. and you don't get to stop me this time."

as you started to turn, you saw it. the fracture in the dim light, you saw the mask crack. his eyes were widening, just a fraction, the way they started to cloud with something raw and painful. his lips parted as if to speak, but nothing came out. for the first time, he had nothing to say.

he said nothing; he just stared. the patient confidence drained from his posture, leaving something hollow in his place.

with the lack of silence you caused, you turned on your heel. you didn't look back, just started to walk away. the sharp clicking of your heel on the pavement is loud and echoes against the night. you expected to hear the car door slam, expected his footsteps to be swept up and carried off despite all your protests.

but, none of that happened. you only heard the soft hum of the car window rolling up. then the whisper of tires driving off, leaving you alone on the sidewalk.

your words, now hollow and sucking at your chest with regret. you walked, the cold air a slap against your skin with each step. he had let you go. not on his own will, but because you had asked him to, and you had no idea how to come back from that.

—

the silence of the penthouse was different as you shut the door. it was heavy, a familiar silence, one usually filled with his quiet presences, the rustle of paperwork, the soft click of the glass being set down, the quiet whines for your attention, the low hum of his breath as he slept. now, it was replaced by the silence of your own breath.

you hadn't even bothered with the lights. you'd kick of your ruined heels at the door, the silver dress pooling around you like it was a sack as you sank onto the cold leather sofa. you didn't cry, just stared at the black tv screen, seeing nothing yet feeling everything.

the minutes blended into hours, the ice that ran through your veins had dissapeared, behind replaced by a needy ache. you had replayed it all, the way he had stilled, turned and left you, your own sharp words, the hury in his eyes before the window rolled up. the anger had burnt up, leaving only regret.

your fingers came to your lips, teeth instantly biting against your manicured nails. the sound only interuptted by a soft single knock.

not the key in the lock, not the soft beep of a security system.

just a soft knock.

your heart stuttered, then began a frantic rhythm against your ribs. he had never knocked, this was his house, their house, he had keys, codes, face recognition.

the knock came agian, this time a little harder. not impatient, but almost insistent.

slowly, as if moving through quick sand, you stood up. the silk pooled around your legs as you padded barefoot across the cold floor. you didn't turn on the foyer lights. you stood by the door, hand hovering over the handle.

you could see the shadow of someone standing in the hallway through the peephole. tall, broad-shouldered, head slightly bowed. you knew who it was.

with a gulp, you pulled the door open.

sunghoon stood there, barely in his tuxedo, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. his tie was loose, the jacket long gone, his buttons undone. his hair was disheveled, as if he had ran his hands through it for hours. he wasn't looking at the door when it opened, he was staring at the floor, where your feet were.

he didn't move to enter, but his head slowly lifted up to look at yours. his composure long gone and replaced by vulnerability. his eyes were red-rimmed, a sign he cried, his hands wrapped around the bouquet, shaking.

your breath hitched, the sound painfully loud in the quiet hallway. the sight was too much. it shattered the last of your own pride. without a word, without metting his eyes, you moved to push the door shut. it wasnt a slam, but a poor attempt to block out the heartbreaking image infront of you.

a soft, pained escaped him, a silence wince. then, his foot, covered in a polished leather, now ruined from walking, slid into the narrow gap, stopping the door from closing. his hand gently resting against the wood.

"please—"

the word was a ragged breath, something fractured. it wasn't his usual demands, but a plea, one from a place so deep it hurted, leaving no room for pride and games.

"please— y/n," he whispered, voice breaking on your name. he leaned his forehead against the door, eyes squeezing shut instantly. "let me in, let me talk—"

the bouquet of flowers, forgotten in his over hand, brushed against the door frame. he was holding onto it like a lifeline, the only thing he thought to bring as an apology now crushed.

"sunghoon, i dont—"

"please, y/n i promise—" his voice cracked, you could hear his voice waver. the words trembling in his throat. "i'll be… i'll be a good boy."

your eyes flew wide, your face flooding with heat in an instant. a good boy? the phrase, coming from someone like him, was oddly… hot? it sparked something low in your belly, a confusing clash of heartbreak and thrill. what was happening right now?

"i'll— i'll do anything, baby." he pleaded, the words rough in the tense space between the door and the frame. he pushed the door future open, just enough do his eyes found yours. and you could tell he was desperate, there was a sense of vulnerability behind him, and you were the one who saw it. "for you. to accept my apology, i'll be quiet if i have to! i'll obey. just, tell me what you want."

this was no longer a plea for forgiveness. it was an offer, a surrender of himself. he was begging to be let in at any cost. the word 'obey' didnt just hang in the air, it snapped something between the two of you.

you didn't move to open the door wider, you held his gaze through the narrow gap, your own breaths shallow. "you'll be quiet?" you repeated, voice dropping to a low, testing murmur.

he nodded, a sharp, desperate jerk of his chin. "yes, shit. anything."

"even if i don't want you to speak?" you asked, the sentence laced with a new, unfamiliar authority.

a shudder ran through him, his eyes, still red, darkened with an understanding that wasn't just about forgiveness. he let out a soft whine, nodding at your words. "even then," he breathed.

with a new recognition, you slowly released the pressure on the door. he didn't rush; he just pushed it enough for him to slide through, closing the door softly behind him, the final click sealing you both in the dim foyer.

he towered over you, yet it didn't intimade you, rather it empowered you. you could see the soft tremble on his body as he waited. you reached out and took the crushed flowers from his shaking hand, your fingers brushed against his. tossing the flowers onto the table without looking away from him.

"kneel."

the words were a soft command, and he didn't hesitate. sunghoon, your bodyguard, park sunghoon, had sank to his knees on the marble floor. his head bowed, broad shoulders tensed up.

the sight was beautiful, one that made you realise you had power over him, and he would'nt stop you.

you took a step closer, the hem of your dress brushing his bent knee. you let your gingertips trail from his temple, down to the line of his jaw, tipping his face up to yours. his eyes were glossy and shaking, making you smirk.

"you walked away from me tonight," you said, thumb brushing his lower lip. "you let me think you didn't care about me."

a pained distraught sound escaped his throat. "i care too much, baby. it destroys me."

you let out a soft laugh, your hand going to grip his hair lightly. "then show me," you whispered.

that was all he needed. his hand came up to grasp your hips, not to pull you down, but to anchor himself as he leaned foward, face pressed in the fabric that covered your stomach. his breath was hot and whiney. "i'm sorry," he murmured, words vibrating against your skin. "'m so sorry, i'll never do it again. i'll be good for you. so so good."

his voice was raw, and desperate. he turned his head, lips seeking the skin of your hip bone, kissing you through the silk. his hand slid around your lower back until you were pulled closer and cradled by him. "please…" he whined into you, unsure himself of what he wanted.

you let out a small coo at his words, helping him get you out of the dress. your hands fumbled with the zip at the back before shrugging the dress down, revealing the matching lace bra and thong you had one, the ones that made him water at the mouth. "y'know, babe. i was going to surprise you, but you've been such a bad boy."

the words bad boy rung in his ear, making him wince like a puppy. shaking his head instantly, tears threatning to slip. "nonono, please— i havent." his hands travelled around your hips, tugging at the waistband of your thong. the rough fingers feel desperate and needy.

a warm laugh vibrated through your chest as you let him peel the lace down your legs, his mouth watering at every inch revealed. "you're soso pretty, baby." he murmured, kissing the inner corner of your thigh.

your fingers threaded through his dark hair, not gently but filled with possessiveness that made him cry. you leaned back against the cool wall of the foyer for support. "show me how good you'll be for me," you whispered, command dark against the quiet penthouse.

a broken needy sound tore from his throat, a whine that was filled with surrender. he didn't hesitate. his hands tightened against your hips, holding you steady as he leaned in, mouth on your slicked hole in an instant, no teasing, nothing. a low moan vibrated against your core as his tongue lapped a desperate stripe through your slick, as if drinking you down was the only thing that could save him.

the taste of you seemed to push him more, a ragged groan echoed through your skin, as his arms wrap around your thighs to pull you even more firmly against his mouth. he wasn't skilled or practiced, rather hungry. his tongue worked on you with a worshipful intensity, his nosse pressed against you, breathing you in like you were his only source of air.

every lap, every suck, was a silent plea, one that wanted to demonstrate his promise. i'll be good, see? i'll be so good.

his fingers dug into the flesh of your thighs, leaving small nail indents, as you arched into his mouth with a sharp cry, the combination of emotion and way was brutual, short-circuiting your thoughts. this was forgiveness, punishment and pleasure at once.

you felt his tongue dip deep in you, a throbbing pulse. then, as it manuvered through your gummy walls, it found the spot that made you moan louder than usual. the heat rushing through you and walls fluttering around the sudden feeling. he was mercilessly thorough, his tongue stroking a slow deep path before curling.

you let out a sharp gasp from your throat as he pratically abused it, hsi tongue flattening and pressing against your g-spot until the sensation was almost too much pleasure.

"fuck," you moaned out, the words broken. "you— you're so good."

the praise rushed through him, your hand fisted in his hair, tugging harshly as he groaned against you. the vibrating sound travelling staight to your core, the pain fueling him even more. his efforts redoubled, his tongue working faster, more accureatly, his lips sealed around your clit to suck gently, then harder.

you felt him shift, you heard the rustle of the fabric. then you felt it, the thick, hard line of his erection against your foot. the choked, desperate moan he let out was muted by your cunt, but you felt that as well, the way it mingled with the friction of his tongue.

the senstation was relentless, the wet heat between your legs and the view of sunghoon under you, proof of his own arousal, pushed you to the edge. your hips began to move as if they had a mind of their own, meeting the rhythm of his mouth, your breath came in ragged sobs.

he was worshipping you, serving you as if he was made to, and getting off on your foot from the sheer act of it. the power was intoxication, one where you were both completely lost in the storm you created. your body twitched occasionally, your head hung low as you felt your orgasm approaching. "such a good boy for me—" you groaned, liquid spilling out of you and down your thigh in an instant.

sunghoon's mouth just there to catch it for you, not spilling a single drop. his hips slowly starting to move like a dog on your foot. moans and whimpers escaping his lips as he felt his own orgasm approaching fast.

your cheast heaved as you watched him, how pathetic he looked. the grip in his hair was more powerful than ever as his hips stuttered, cumming in his boxers. "good boy, came just for me, didn't you?" you mocked, stroking his hair like he your pet.

he whined at your praise, a high, needy sound you'd never heard from him before, leaning into your touch as his teeth grazed your inner thigh in a possessive bite. "yes, yes yes! 'm your good boy, doll, please…!" he cried, looking up at you with the most devastatingly earnest doe eyes you had ever seen.

you could feel the hard line of his cock straining and growing against his trousesrs, pressing into your foot. a low laugh escaping you, the sound of pure power. "eager, aren't we?"

"only for you, princess." he gasped, his hips giving a tiny, involuntary rock against your foot. "always for you."

"c'mere, baby," you hummed, voice dropping to a velvet command. your hands fisted in the crisp, ruined collar of his tuxedo shirt, and you pulled. he rose to his feet in one fluid, powerful motion, his body towering over you, all heat and trembling in his muscles.

but you didn't let him look. you pulled him down, your grip harsh, bringing him face level with yours. his breath came in pants, lips glossy and parted, his eyes dazed with a desperate hunger and surrender.

"let me ride you," you murmured, your nose brushing against his, the words a hot promise against his mouth. "right here, right now. you're going to be so good and let me take what i want, arent you?"

a shudder was visible against his body. he nodded, frantic, beyond words, as his large hands came to cradle your face with a frantic tension. "all yours," he choked out, the words sounding like a cry. "however you want me. however you need me. i'm all yours."

with a slow, wicked smile, you tighted your grip on his hand and pulled. he followed without any resistance, trailing him. you led him towards the cool leather sofa that you earlier sat on, thinking about the very guy you were about to fuck.

with a gentle yet firm push, he sank back onto it, his own eyes wide and dazed, fixated on you. you didn't hesitate, straddling his hips in on smooth motion, settling your weight directly over the growing hardness straining against his trousers.

a gasp escaped him, his hands flying down to your thighs to steady you, grip brusining in intensity. the damp heat of you, had left a dark stain on the wool, but his eyes never left your face. he didnt care about the fabric, the mess, anything,. he had you on him, around him, and that was where he'd only want to exist.

without a word, your gaze locked onto his, your hands slid down the hard planes of his stomach, fingers working quickly of his belt, the buckle obscenely loud. you pushed his trousers and boxers down in one swift efficient motion, with the aide of his hips, a silent yet desperate cooperation.

his cock sprang free, thick and flushed as it slapped against his stomach. beads of precum glistening against the night's light.

"aww," you giggled, the sound dark yet as sweet as honey. you hooked a finger, against his cock, letting it drag against your warm slit. making him jerk in an instant.

you leaned fowards, one hand braced on his shoulder, lips a breath away from his. "is this what you want?" you whispered, voice a promise. "to be quiet and take what he's given by me?"

he could only manage a ragged, choking nod, jaw clenched so hard the muscle ticked in his cheek. his eyes pools of pure need, all his earlier sobbing tears turned into ones of desire. he was absolutely beautiful like this, under you. pleading for you.

you kissed his cheek softly, before guiding his cock into you, the thickness of his tip already enough to make you feel the sting as you pushed down slowly. earning a moan from the both of you, how the heat of your walls wrapped around his cock and the way the pain stretched you.

it was one of the most intoxicating feelings you'd ever known. the solid weight of him underneath you, the way your body settled perfectly against his, that unmistakable, thrilling pressure in your lower belly.

your eyes drifted down, watching the subtle, undeniable shift of your stomach with a deep breath he took. a smirk, wicked and satisfied, touched your lips as you looked up at him through your lashes, feigning innocence.

"look at you," you purred, your own hips giving a tiny, deliberate roll, drawing a sharp, choked gasp from him. "filling me up just like the good boy you promised to be, yeah?"

he nodded rapidly, his eyes wide and dark, fixated on your face. the words seemed beyond him, the hands on your hips werent there to guide anymore, they were there to cling. his fingers pressed into the silk hard enough that you knew there would be marks there later, something to prove his desperation, his need to be good for you.

"ah, ah, ah. use your words, sunghoon," you whispered, leaning foward to brush your nose against his. "tell me."

a sharp inhale tore from him. "yes," he managed, the word strained. "yes. good boy. for you, only you."

the admission so raw and submissive, sent a fresh wave of heat through you. you captured his lips in a kiss filled of possession, swallowing his whimpers and the taste of salt from his earlier tears. he kissed you back with a helpless intensity, large hands trembling as they slid up your back, holding you to him as if you were the only thing in his world.

your hips rolled against his for one last time, until you lifted yourself up, almost completely, drawing a broken, needy sound from his throat. his grip on you tightened, not to force you back, but as a plea, not to let go.

and you answered it.

you slammed back down in a single, pistoned motion that punched the air from his lungs. a shattered moan was torn from him, head falling back to thud against the plush pillow behind him, eyes squeezing shit. his body had locked entirely, back arching at the way you repeatedly dropped down on him like it'd be the last thing you'd ride.

"look at me," you commanded, your own voice breathless.

his eyes flew open, glassy and overwhelmed with pleasure. they were dazed, worshipful, wrecked.

"see?" you breathed, beginning the ruthless thrusts down onto his cock, each lift a teasing promise of return. "this is what happens when you're good, you get to feel everything. you get to have this."

he could only nod, his ability to speak gone. his words weren't just narrowed anymore, but defined by this, by your punishing and sloppy thrusts onto his cock. but how you watched him come completely apart.

you felt his cock twitch inside of you, a sign he'd come soon. "don't." your voice warned, strong and raspy, making him whine and cry, fingers tightening. "wait for me, baby, okay?"

he could only nod, as he tried his best to hold it in. his cock twitched as your movement became faster, a hand going to rub your clit softly for a faster orgasm, stomach and walls clenching around his cock. "feels good, yeah?" you moaned, biting your lips.

"yesyesyes, so good—!" he cried, waiting for your command.

your hips stuttered as you let out a loud wail, a gush of strong liquid seeping down onto him, walls clenching him tightly that he couldn't even wait, his own cock twitching as he shot ropes of white cum inside of you. your juices mixed, as his hands tightened and bruised your waist.

after a quick second of silence, which felt like forever, you looked up at his dazed face, tears streaming down, lips puffy and red, and chest heaving softly.

he was completely ruined, and he was all yours.

𝓉 aglist : @ewstain @aruhoon @g0ld3nmal @nishisgirll @ann2h @j4kkezz @bontententenhh @hadslovesbeom @nikisfave @f4loveex @ilovepsh @glxzillx @hoonsocks @syvkio

[jakevwebber]

wow

[jungwonslover]

midnight girl yjw.

pairing: nerd!jungwon 𝓍 black cat fem!reader summary: after months of noticing you, he accepted you'd stay as someone he'd never know, only see, until his friends introduce him to their childhood friend. word count: 12k+ content: smut, fluff, angst acquaintances to lovers, uni au. reader is overthinker, loverboy jungwon, seven minutes in heaven, secret pining, slow burn(?), denial of feelings. jealousy from both sides. a disgusting amount of tension. reader has someone obsessed with her. ''it'' steven king reference. lowkey frustrating interruptions. reader is bad at feelings and accepting them. pet-names. couple different idols mentioned, hyunjin, yuna, hanni warnings!: 18+. smut. unprotected sex teasing a lot of it. dry humping. nipple play. kissing. fingering. cum play. spit play. cream-pie. haha angst but i make up for it. mentions of gagging. mentions of blood. violence not between reader and won.

VEE: this is my first time writing after 4 years, i'm high key rusty! any friendly criticism would be soo appreciated.

yang jungwon noticed you.

how could he not when you stood out so much to him.. and to everyone else but to him it wasn't just that you stood out it was how you took that, you never let the attention from anyone positive or negative affect you.

it's like the world was yours and everyone else was insignificant.

he admires you from afar, you don't need to talk for him to see the kind of person you are.

of course he'd love to talk to you but jungwon isn't the type to just walk in and introduce himself, not to someone like you.

truthfully you scare him a little, the fact he can care so much about an introduction to someone who he hasn't said a word to scares him.. so he keeps his distance, it can't be hard to when you have no ties to each other..

this began when your childhood friends ni-ki and jake introduced you to their friends, you'd met them all previously but there were a few people you hadn't met before, there wasn't much introduction needed, they all knew of you and you of them, except yang jungwon.

you scanned your eyes over the boys introducing yourself casually until your eyes landed on him.

he wore a black t-shirt with a bomber jacket and baggy jeans, his black hair poking him in the eyes under his black rimmed glasses, he blew it away before turning to your voice, when his eyes landed on you they widened slightly before introducing himself a little quicker than he would've wanted.

"sorry, i'm yang jungwon..-you're y/n?" he said before he could close his mouth.

"sorry that sounds rude, i didn't mean-", your lips curved a little to say i didn't take offence which he sighed as if relieved. god she's even prettier in person.

"did you expect someone else?" you teased.

"i've noticed you.. -around i mean, i didn't expect you to be the same person, it's nice to meet you" his cheeks reddened a little, he smiled and you couldn't help but smile back.

his friends looked at him amused as they continued talking to you, jake especially looked at him with a grin patting his back as he walked out of site, he mentally scolded his lack of composure not expecting to talk to you of all people, the person he'd always seen as someone he'd admire from afar. what were the chances you were jake and ni-ki's renowned friend.

''yo, what was that?'' jake grinned peering over his shoulder to make sure you were still occupied talking to his friends.''i don't know what you're talking about'' jungwon feigned ignorance fully aware he made a fool of himself, which was completely out of character.

"alright, i know she's intimidating but she doesn't bite-"

"it's not that-" jungwon interrupted realising he's digging himself a hole.

"wait.. were you nervous?" jungwon sighed shaking his head "just because she's attractive doesn't mean I'm nervous". "oh so you admit she's attractive-"

"anyone with eyes can see that jake" he hissed looking around to see if anyone could hear, jake laughed watching jungwon huff at his amusement.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

you lost yourself in thought staring out the window as your friends chattered in the back. "y/n, walk with me?" your friend hanni asks.

you turned to the sound of your name unknowingly catching someone's unmistakable eyes, jungwon zoned in, eyes dilating feeling caught, he smiled at you, just a small smile you gladly reciprocate, a smile no one would question, except you. was he staring the whole time? or was that just coincidence.

"y/n?" the girl grins trying get your attention.

"oh- yeah sure" you smiled trying not to look back, "y/n!" you felt a hand on your shoulder, you tilted your head smiling politely at your friend hwang hyunjin, he wasn't someone you considered a close friend, but a friend is a friend, "what's up hyunjin" you replied as he sat besides you, knees brushing yours, "i'm great, now that you're here" he flirted shamelessly, you scrunched your nose shaking your head, "hanni you ready?". she nodded wiggling her eyebrows at you.

unbeknownst to you jungwon witnessed the whole exchange, eyes lasering into the side of hyunjin's head, he spoke not turning his head. "is y/n dating hyunjin?" he asked as casually as possible, jake looked up seeing you stand, hyunjin next to you "noo, nah think that guy is obsessed with her though, he hung out with us once and took every opportunity to cut off our conversations, it was shameless" jake explained shaking his head. jungwon hummed "that's weird".

you grabbed your things bidding your friends a goodbye, "hwang hyunjin likes you" she stated looking at you with an eyebrow raised.

"i think he's just like that" you give her a confused look, she makes a humming sound "i can't prove it" she says fake puzzled. you laugh with her bidding her a goodbye reaching her dorms.

"hey y/n!" you turn to the voice seeing your australian friend waving to you. you wave back "where were you today?" he asks as you walk to your dorms together.

you groaned at the thought "ahh yeah i got caught up doing my presentation we had to stay through everyone's, professor vernon said we could take his next class off at least".

"don't worry you can take my notes, since you're coming over later" he added slyly. "when did i agree to this?" you raised an eyebrow amused.

"you didn't but you are, we're watching a horror movie- i'll only give you my notes if you come" he sends you a cheeky smile, laughing as you huff in defeat.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

you knock on the door of your friends dorm adjusting your jacket zip.

"y/nnn what brings you here!" jake teased giving you a side hug, "coercion" you retort making him giggle as he hung your jacket on the door.

the two boys started plating the snacks refusing to let you do anything claiming they had it under control, "in that case jake my prize?" you joke.

"they should be on my desk, if not i'll come find them" you thanked him turning the corner to his shared room. his books were stacked neatly on the desk, notes poking out from the sides. you caught a slight vanilla scent as you sat in the wheely chair turning a couple pages.

"hey y/n" you jumped back in the chair twirling it around. jungwon was sat back relaxed on his bed with a robotics book wearing a graphic tee and some grey joggers, evidently amused at your jump.

"i thought you weren't home" you laughed turning your body to face his. "yeah i was meant to meet some friends but got a bit too comfortable" he slyly missed out the part where jake mentioned your plans.

"-so what brings you here" he swings his legs over the bed and walks over, his scent whirling past as he flicks through the notes.

you look up at him admiring the shadows on his face, his glasses framing his face perfectly, hair freshly washed. of course you thought he was attractive, who wouldn't but seeing him like this, not many people had the privilege.

"just a little bit of catch-up" you said slightly quieter catching his eyes "you want mine too?.. i did some more research when i was bored" he spoke just as soft. his eyes met yours "i'd like that" you say under your breathe.

"yeah?" he tilted his head mimicking your tone. is he flirting?

the tension was so sudden you could barely decipher how it happened, the type of tension that either person could mistake for nothing, a figment of your imagination.

"y/n you found it?" jakes voice came around the corner, you ripped your eyes from jungwon's turning to face him.

he looked between you grinning as though he knew something you didn't, "yeah i found it".

"jungwon you wanna join?" jake turned his gaze to him leaning against the door frame. "yeah, why not" he smiled handing you his notes.

"thank you" you said lifting yourself up from the chair, "anytime y/n" he smiles from above showing you his dimples.

"ni-ki's threatening to start it, lets gaur" jake urged pulling you by your arm.

jungwon sat to your left at the end of the sofa, his scent was addicting, a fresh autumn aroma you looked for in every scent, you shivered a little the room decreasing in temperature as the film progressed, you felt a nudge- "take some" he gestured to the blanket over him. you covered yourself in some of the blanket, your knees now touching after adjusting. you shifted closer whispering a "thank you", before retreating back to your spot, he almost lagged for a moment eyes transfixed on your lips, he quickly snapped out of it dimples forming into a smile sending a polite nodding.

his eyes weren't on the film like they should've been, it annoyed him really that he couldn't even pay attention to something for a couple hours while you sat beside him, you captivated him. like a cat entranced with a laser pen and this cat was entirely entranced with you.

the way your eyes sparkled, he wondered what they'd look like if he was closer, he was yelling at his brain to shut up but he couldn't help himself. addicted to your presence.

the way you looked for your friends reactions to a major plot point already giggling. what he didn't expect is you looked for his too, to find him already looking at you, he looked at you like you'd disappear if he stopped looking.

you froze, he froze too. caught once again, was he thinking about you the same way you were? someone you barely knew consuming your every thought. your eyes gazed into his for a few too many seconds, a few more than you intended. a few more than he intended.

as if on cue jake grabbed your arm jumping violently, shaking the entire sofa, you mentally thanked him. or at least that's what you told yourself.

you managed to get yourself through the rest of the film without even so much as looking at him. but why did you have to try so hard to stay away? maybe it's because you've never felt such a pull towards anyone but this wasn't anything to do with feelings, you just find him extremely attractive. yeah that's all it is you find him attractive.. him, his personality.

the way he speaks. the way he concentrates on everything he does so intently like there'll be universal repercussions if he can't fix a controller. that's all. yeah you're completely delusional.

your knees were still touching, neither of you pulled away even when the movie ended. you yawned moving your legs, stretching your arms out settling them around your knees instead of moving from him completely you left your knees touching his still.

he noticed. but once again something that could be passed off as nothing, as an overthought.

"you want me to walk you home?" ni-ki asked you already putting his shoes on. "it looks like you've made your mind up" you laugh grabbing your coat from the door. "yeah i don't know why i bothered asking, it's late" he confessed walking to his room to get changed into warmer clothes.

a familiar figure walked closer to you, you looked up to see jungwon with the blanket still around his shoulders, "you're leaving?" he asked knowing the answer. "yeah i've gotta sleep early-ish tonight- hanni's leaving to visit home tomorrow, going to see her off" you reply adjusting your bag. he looked so cute like this, hair now dry, un-styled.

your eyes were particularly sparkly tonight, the room was dimly lit with lamps, it made you look ethereal like you'd been plucked from a painting. "oh right- you forgot these" jungwon stuttered saving himself at the end, he handed you his notes, your fingers grazing his. electric.

"shit thank you, i can't believe i almost forgot what i came here for" you laughed in disbelief, you could've sworn you put it with your things. he laughed with you eyes never leaving yours. you were so inviting not so intimidating like everyone thought.

"don't worry about it, get home safe y/n".

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

hwang hyunjin's crush on you was unfortunately something jungwon couldn't ignore, it was so painfully obvious when you really looked, the way he threw himself at you disgusted him and the way you didn't shut it down made him come to two conclusions.

either you were completely unaware, or you knew and you felt the same way so you let it happen, not much logic went into this but the thought made him feel something he'd never felt before and he had no idea how to deal with it.

today you were sat in a cafe at jake's request and you got yourself a warm drink to combat the cold on your hands, jungwon sat to the right of you peering at his book which he was barely focused on. you heard the door bell jingle and a quiet sigh from jungwon followed.

"y/nn?" hyunjin walked over to your table greeting you with a side hug, jungwon side eyed the gesture raising an eyebrow. "hey hyunjin" you reply taking a sip of your drink, "did you see my text?" he asked a smile still on his face. "no, what was it?".

"it was an invite to my party tonight, you guys are invited too" he said enthusiastically looking to everyone. jake accepted immediately, however hyunjin was looking for your answer not his. "i'll uhh let you know later" you replied, which everyone knew meant no. unbeknownst to you jungwon was smiling into his book.

"don't worry i'll drag her along if i have to" jake replied watching hyunjin try and convince you. jungwon was mentally telling jake to shut the fuck up.

"no if i come i'll end up babysitting all of you" you said in annoyance."i promise i'll behave" jake laughed knowing it was a little more directed at him.

"i'll think about it" you said to shut them up.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

part of you only entertained the idea of going to this party because your outfit was too hot to not go and other reasons you couldn't verbalise..

jake : you ready to go?

me : am i?

jake : even jungwon's coming, you're coming.

me : whatever.. i'm ready

jake : i used to pray for times like this

you and jake decided to meet the others there since ni-ki and jungwon got home late. "hyunjin is gonna combust looking at you" jake said scanning you over.

"i hope he does" you retort earning a chuckle from him. "so you really don't like, have feelings for him?".

"hyunjin really? he's not my type- and i really doubt he has any real feelings for me, its probably just hyunjin being hyunjin" you said seeing the house in the distance. "what is your type?" he asked with genuine interest.

"i haven't thought about it much- looks wise i love nerdy men, i find intelligent men attractive" you said in thought, jake hummed along a grin forming.

"someone who doesn't assume just because of my personality that i don't want affection or to be loved the same just because i don't accept it from people easily, i understand it can take me a second to open up but i want someone to really know and see me which i guess is why i'm so picky dating wise".

jake put an arm over your shoulder, "i know you'll find that" he said happily as though he'd found the answer for you. "nerdy men huh..i know a couple nerdy men myself" he added.

"oh?" you replied amused.

"jake!, y/n!" hyunjin interrupted shouting from the door of the house. he dapped up jake before his eyes flicked down to your figure you were wearing a black tube top and mini-skirt with thigh highs and boots along with a few pieces of jewellery.

"holy shit, you look hot" his eyes not moving off your body. "thanks hyunjin" you replied motioning to go inside.

he showed you both to the home bar where you opted for a jake mixed disaronno and coke, you sat on the counter lifting the plastic cup to your lips taking a sip which left one of your eyes twitching.

jake laughed at your reaction trying it himself. "you are evil" you groan as he doubles over with laughter.

you're on your second cup sat in the same place with jake when you notice two familiar people walk through the door, he wore a black long sleeved top with a tee over it and baggy jeans. jungwon and ni-ki scanned the area looking for familiar faces, jake called them over mid drink mix.

his eyes locked with yours, he looked at your outfit for a split second before his attention was back on your face. with that same admiration, he stared into your eyes "you are breath-taking" your stomach flipped, did you hear that right?

you took his hand with your newfound confidence bringing him close enough that you could speak over the music "i didn't hear you". his hand still in yours. his breathe smelt of spear-mint "i said you're-"

"'y/n let's do shots!!" hyunjin interrupted dragging you away from the counter. your hand ripped from his. jungwon was beyond irritated, his eyes narrowed on him. he was irritated for a number of reasons, one being that he couldn't say anything, after all you're not his.

hyunjin grabbed a shot glass for everyone and poured multiple drinks into each one. you all took the shot, the taste of irish cream and coffee liqueur warming your throat.

hyunjin walked away shortly after taking some people with him to set up some party games. jungwon took a couple more shots with you guys, his eyebrows furrowed. somehow you'd found your way back to the counter next to him, jungwon noticed you next to him again his eyes snapping to your face, you were looking at jake passionately talking about a show.

you felt him looking at you. "y/n".

"jungwon" you turned your head to him, his eyes moved over yours and then your lips, they lingered there. this was dangerous.

his hand feathered over your thigh by accident, goosebumps formed where his hand touched. you shivered breathing out, everything so sensitive from the alcohol. your reaction made him think maybe he made you uncomfortable, until you smiled at him.

"come on, games are gonna start" you hopped down from the counter following jake to some seats. "we're going to play 7 minutes in heaven with a twist!" hyunjin announced showing everyone a bowl full of little papers.

"each one of these has something you have to do during the 7 minutes however it's not 7 minutes it's just until the other taps out it just has to be at least 7 minutes, the only exception is if you're in a relationship, if you don't do what you're told.. you have to drink this whole cup of a concoction- i don't even know what's in it" he laughed while everyone made noises of disgust looking at the brownish green drink.

the bottle was spun a couple times followed by cheers sending the couples to their rooms.

the first two came back defeated taking the cup from hyunjin and splitting it.. they gagged after taking the first sip. "by all means i will not drink that" you said with a hand over your mouth. everyone agreed with you with a look of disgust.

"alright, y/n". you groaned as everyone cheered. you spun the bottle hard. it spins and spins.

it lands on jungwon. everyone cheered again jake particularly loud. he doesn't groan or speak he just smirks trying to hold it back, he looks at you catching a little smile you tried to push down.

maybe it was the alcohol that made him so confident about this, probably. if this was any normal day he would've been a nervous wreck, he was definitely still nervous just more excited.

you both got up and walked towards the bowl, he motioned you to take the piece of paper which you do, you unfold it to see in black letters.

"tease the other into folding. NO KISSING". you looked up and closed your eyes willing yourself to drop dead in that moment.

"what is it?" jungwon looks at you slightly terrified. "i'll show you when we're there" you reply stiffly as hyunjin ushered you to your room. he showed you up the stairs and opened the door of a average sized bedroom with a double bed, lights dimmed.

hyunjin closed the door rather reluctantly, you pressed your back against the door looking at the boy in front of you. he walked over to you staring into your eyes, his hand held your arm sliding it down to your hand.

is he trying to kill me you thought feeling the heat of his hands around yours. he slowly opened your hand taking the piece of paper, reading it over his eyes widened looking back into yours.

he inched closer breathing out "you want to do this?" he was close, one hand on the door behind you, the other ghosting over yours. "yes- i don't want to drink that poison" as if it was just about that, you would've wanted to regardless but you'd never admit that.

he looked down at you properly for the first time that night, he was gawking at you all night but not like this, it was as though you had to give him permission to even look at you how he was in that moment.

you looked down to your hands and how close they were, his eyes followed, your fingertips inched closer to his just grazing them. you dragged your gaze back up, he mirrored you, your hand now against his, you turn his hand placing it on your lower back.

you heard his breathe falter as his hands pressed against you, entranced with your actions. confidence flowed through him at your permission.

he kept one hand on your back squeezing your waist slightly monitoring your reaction, he could hear everything, when your breathing slows down, speeds up and when it stops for a second too long.

he brought his hand up to your jaw his hand big enough to reach the back of your neck through your hair while still being on your jaw, he moved even closer to you hearing your breathing stop, he smirked.

"what are you smirking at?" you challenged, deciding you want to fuck with him a little. he was having none of it.

with his hand on your back he pulled you flush against his body, you could feel him against you, feel his hardness just from the thought of you. you both sighed out gasping into each others mouths, his hand still on your jaw. "fucckkk" he breathed burying his head into your neck, his breathe hot against your neck.

he moved out from the safety of your neck lips grazing your jaw, "i'm already so hard" he sighed against your lips. "you gonna tap out?" you smirked breath heavy. "i haven't even gotten started" he mumbled still against your lips.

you lightly pushed him back and grabbed his hand pulling him over to the edge of the bed, he sat down with your guidance, you stood in-between his legs-he stood back up placing his hands on your waist confusing you. "jump".

you jumped wrapping your legs around his waist, he sat you down breathing down your neck from the contact, you brought his head up to your lips ghosting them over his. he almost kissed you, your lips grazed his, breath heavy.

"you're gonna kill me" he spoke against you. "i'm gonna try" you smiled alcohol dazing your eyes.

you dipped your head into the crook of his neck sucking hard before licking up to his ear nibbling, he whined loud like he'd never made the sound in his life, gasping you felt the tent in his jeans grow even harder, thinking it wasn't possible.

his hands gripped your thighs moving further towards your heat "you wanna play dirty baby?" his eyes darkened, you stifled a moan at his words not wanting him to know how much it really affected you. too late.

you were growing wetter by the second feeling your panties soaking through. he slid his hands under your tube top over your back feeling you arch into him, he hissed at the space connecting you.

you felt like you were getting edged, it was excruciating and yet turning you into mush beneath him. his lips moved to your ear, he sucked behind it making you rock against him. "ahh fuck i don't want to cum in my pants y/n". his eyes blown out at your sounds.

"i want you to" you looked up at him, looking so needy, you brought his fingers up so he could see, jungwon wondered in that moment what he did in his past life to deserve this. you then took them into your mouth, sucking, slowly. his breath hitched, his jaw dropped.

you took one finger out wrapping your tongue around the other, he let out a low shaky breath. "jungwon". he gulped, "y/n".

you brought your lips up to his ear, "i want to do that to your dick". he snapped letting out something that could only be described as a growl.

he spun you over in one swift motion laying you underneath him, sucking behind your ear again, he moved further down sucking your neck, your collarbone, right above your mounds, the room filled with your gasps, his moans at your noises.

he dragged his hand from your waist to your tits, cupping them, looking to you for your reaction, hearing your breathing stop he pulled your bra down under your top, took your nipple between his fingers and watched your face contort, you whimpered mouth open, he groaned low in reaction.

his tented jeans caressing your thighs, the contact making you both feral. he did the same motions with your untouched nipple and moved his head down once again marking the top of your mounds above the fabric.

he lifted his head continuing the motion making eye contact, holding the eye contact he moved further down, lips wrapping around your hard clothed nipple, his tongue kitten licking, his hand caressing your inner thigh.

"fuckkk jungwon" you moaned out loud feeling him twitch against you, your hands raking through his hair, head tilting back. he saw your neck open and couldn't resist flying up to lick and kiss it, you sighed in relief pulling him impossibly closer, his chest rubbing against your hardened nipples.

he kissed up your neck taking his sweet time, reaching your jaw then your cheek, then the corner of your lip, when he reached your lips he looked into your eyes as if asking for permission.

"i don't want to drink that poison" you joke.

"then it's our secret" he whispered looking between your eyes and lips. you lifted your head up the tiniest bit, he grabbed your jaw kissing you with so much passion it made your head spin, his scent, his taste. you kissed him back hands gripping his tee.

you bit his bottom lip lightly, he moaned against them in response not wasting time shoving his tongue in between yours exploring your mouth as if it'll disappear, you both pull back panting immediately smiling.

"i guess we failed" you joked your bodies still intertwined. "this doesn't feel like failure" he shyly retorted twisting your hair around his fingers.

"they probably think i've killed you" you frowned in fake annoyance. he chuckled "we can tell them the dare was to stay in the room for an hour". you nodded before remembering "hyunjin will know".

"fuck that guy" he said a little too fast making you giggle. "we can say i folded to him separately" he added. you nodded adjusting your clothes.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

you told jungwon to go on without you and that you were going to fix yourself up a bit more. you felt giddy, that doesn't happen, how could it when you don't let it, it scared you but this was jungwon, sweet jungwon, you don't need to overthink this.

you skipped down the steps looking around the main area, seeing friends sat in the same place you left them. "yoo y/n!" jake called you over, you sat beside him trying to look around as casually as possible.

"a whole hour with jungwon huh?" he nudged raising an eyebrow with a smirk. "it's not like that" you lied laughing, you'll tell him at some point you thought. "where is he by the way" you added quickly.

"his name got spun again, i didn't even see it -then yuna dragged him upstairs before he could even say anything" he admitted.

you felt a sting in your heart, was everything that just happened casual? you tried swallowing the feeling of sickness away. it's fine don't overthink it

you got up to grab another drink feeling a little sobered up, moving to the bar not wanting your friends to see you so in your head. 10 slow minutes later jungwon came down the stairs, yuna followed about 20 seconds after as if timed, her pink lipstick smudged, her eyes immediately found yours, she looked away as fast as they met.

he's just like everyone else, doesn't matter who he touches as long as it's someone and i fell for it. your heart burned, you watched her give hyunjin the piece of paper which he put neatly on the pile of used ones.

jungwon was looking around for you, and he found you. he watched you confused, you avoided his eyes completely going straight for the paper needing confirmation, you took the paper hyunjin next to you staring you down.

"10 minute kiss" you stared at it hoping it would change and then turned walking towards the door as casually as you could feeling his eyes on you. he walked towards the bowl and read the papers seeing nothing.

you scolded yourself. he probably didn't think it was that deep, men can look at you with sparkles in their eyes and still deem it was just for sex. why did you let him in your head.

you grabbed your shoes and coat barely having it all on as you got out the door. "y/n?" you heard his voice come from the door frame. you kept walking rain getting heavier. "y/n!" he said again thinking you didn't hear him.

you heard running behind you. why is he trying to talk to me, you felt his hand on your shoulder "y/n are you okay?" he looked at you worried, eyebrows dropped.

"i'm great" you said impassive still walking, you felt dirty, he was kissing another girl minutes after you, it meant nothing. he walked in front of you and looked into your eyes trying to see something-anything, why were you looking at him like he meant nothing.

you stopped walking as he stood in front of you breathing heavy "nothing happened with yuna.. i prom-"-"it's cool, you don't have to lie" you shut him down furrowing your eyebrows, you grabbed the paper from your pocket shoving it in his hands not even being able to touch him.

his hair was soaked, his eyes confused. he opened it up reading the letters. "no no this is the wrong one, i didn't touch her y/n and she didn't touch me- my paper said sit in the room for 10 minutes" he spluttered. how can he lie to you while being so convincing.

'it's not like we're together jungwon you can kiss who you want"-"i don't want to" he said before he could even think. his heart dropped pain overcrowding his chest. does she mean that?

how can he talk to you with so much intention, as though he didn't need anyone but you. men truly are evil.

he searched your eyes seeing nothing. in that moment yuna walked out the house "i- just please wait y/n please." he ran towards the girl.

you contemplated walking away, you should've but he looked so adamant you couldn't help but want to believe him. "tell her what happened" he looked to the girl who looked completely guilty.

she sighed not meeting your eyes as if embarrassed, "we kissed" she muttered turning back towards the house. he gawked at her his eyebrows furrowed, he looked livid.

you didn't know whether to be impressed or disgusted that he tried taking it this far, you decided on the latter. you turned around and started walking not bearing to look at him any longer.

you could hear shouting behind you in the distance, in any other situation you would've stayed and defended the girl, after all she didn't do anything, she didn't know.

but it was all too much, you clutched your heart wiping your tears, not that it mattered your face was already soaked from the rain.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

head still spinning you opened your door and sighed, it's not like you were together you repeated to yourself. you grabbed your towel placing it on the rack and got in the shower, the scenes from hours ago flashed in your mind- his lips on yours, how his hands felt on yours. you shook your head and rested your head against the shower letting the water run over you.

you got changed into your fluffy pyjamas and sat on the edge of your bed replaying the events, realistically this is on me, we weren't exclusive or anything, he had every right but still, how could he look at me like that, with those eyes and it mean nothing, how could he touch me like he was savouring every second and kiss another minutes later.

you thought of the possibility he was telling the truth, who would go out of their way to lie, and she didn't even know how you felt, your feelings weren't known. besides, the note said it all no matter how much you wanted it to not be true.

the grey notebook stared at you from the desk, his notebook. you picked it up, a little piece of paper falling out, you caught it reading the neat handwriting "january embers, her eyes are like winter fire, my heart burns there too".

this was for someone else and with that the heart ache worsened.

knock knock

knock knock

you stood up and rested your head against the door "who is it?" you breathed. "y/n, it's jake please open the door." you cracked the door open making sure it was just him.

"you left without saying anything?'- what's going on- i was worried, you walked home so late" as he rambled you felt your eyes prick, trying to repress the hurt. you stumbled over to him and hugged him silently "woah..-y/n you're scaring me what happened." he whispered hands holding your back.

you just let the tears come trying not to make any noise but your body betrayed you. "it's okay you don't have to talk about it.- you're okay" he repeated over and over guiding you to your bed.

20 minutes passes before you could use your voice again, you pulled back wiping your eyes. "if you tell anyone about this i'm gonna have to kill you" you said voice hoarse. "yes ma'am" jake chuckled pushing away a hair stuck your face.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

it was the day after and you were on route to class, you looked down at your bag, his grey notebook peeking out, you decided you were going to give it to jake and move on with your life, you could've done that last night but you hadn't exactly told him what happened or jungwon's involvement, it was too complicated.

you arrived minutes early and slid yourself into your seat taking off your coat, your outfit today was cute as usual, no matter what you were going through you weren't going to let that affect your fashion. jake walked in, jungwon by his side. even with new dark circles under his eyes he still looked as handsome as ever wearing a grey tee under his coat and black joggers.

you looked away before he could see and smiled at jake who waved to you, he sent a quick see you later to his friends walking towards you. jungwon looked at you the whole time before walking to the table behind to his usual seat, shameless.

no one knew of what happened between you last night, the kiss, the forbidden noises, his hands, except you and him.

jake slid into the chair besides you and pat your head "you cool?" he asked quietly placing his books on the desk. "yeah you?" you replied quickly.

jake would probably think it's weird if you gave him jungwon's book to give to jungwon while he was sat behind you. "i'm soo tired, head is booming" he replied rubbing his eyes, "probably the hangover" you laughed handing him a pack of paracetamol. "you are angel" he sighed in relief.

you grabbed the grey notebook and placed it on the table behind you notebook locking eyes with jungwon, his saucer-like eyes studying over your face. "thank you" he said, but you'd already turned around.

"this seat taken?" you turned to see hyunjin smiling down at you, "no, go ahead" you replied sending him a small smile. you could feel someone watching you the entire time but thought nothing of it. you felt embarrassment seep through you seeing yuna walk in with some of her friends, she's probably told them by now but to your surprise her friends eyes didn't even look for you, she looked at you but looked away just as fast with that same guilty look.

the end of the class couldn't come quicker, your head pounding by the end. you put your things away quicker than usual and bid goodbye to jake and hyunjin before walking out and sighing in relief after breathing in the fresh winter air. you needed something soothing so you opted for tea from a nearby cafe.

jungwon wanted to talk to you so badly it was excruciating, he watched you walk into the cafe, breathing the air in, "yo jungwon" he turned to see jake walking towards him "hey jake" jungwon greeted accepting his dap up, "yuna is staring you down bro" he whispered nodding in front of them, jungwon scratched his neck paying no mind to this new information, "what the fuck is this?" jake gawked at the bruising splotches on his neck, he immediately adjusted his coat, pink dusting his cheeks, "erm i just, it was an accident" he stammered, jake wiggled an eyebrow looking at the girl in the distance, "yuna did that?" jungwon pulled a face at the thought of anyone but you touching him "dude, no".

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

jake walked through the door and sat besides you giving you a cheesy smile "hey y/n". "hey jake" you smiled back offering your drink, he took a sip sighing back into his chair. "you wanna come watch a movie tonight? ni-ki wants rewatch avatar" he spoke studying your face.

you would actually have loved to but he lived there and you couldn't be in close proximity with him. "i'd love to but can't tonight" you lied trying to think of a reason. "you can" he raised an eyebrow seeing through you.

"no" you retorted looking away. "9pm". "no jake i'm so serious" you smiled taking back your drink gulping some down. "i'll convince you" he sighed shaking his head. "oh i was going to bring this up yesterday but timing was a bit off" he started watching your face for reaction "- jungwon got into it with yuna for some reason?, he was talking about lying or something and i for real thought he was drunk at first so i obviously go to get him, she was just taking it for some reason and he said i should go check if you're okay and that he saw you leave?".

you stare at him waiting for him to continue, he sighed softly "y/n what happened?". "jake it's cool, to be honest even if i tell you i don't even know how i'd say it." "however you want."

you sigh playing with the sleeve of your coat, "i think i've been developing a slight, small tiny crush-" you watched his reaction his jaw dropped "you? a crush on jungw-". "shhhhhhhhh!" you interrupted looking around. "i thought it was the other way around" he said truthfully. "funny- anyways yeah that happened and yesterday we uhh kissed.. among other things" you coughed, jake's eyes widened jaw dropping further than before "-but it was because of the dare, other than the kiss, that wasn't meant to happen".

"what the fuck." he said still wide eyed. "yeahh.. and then that shit with yuna happened and they kissed probably 5 minutes after we did- and look i didn't cry because of my feelings or whatever it was just-" "it's okay i get it" he interrupted knowing you a bit too well.

"did you see them kiss?" he asked eyebrows raised. "no, it was written on the paper that said their dare" you replied taking a sip of your tea only to be met with lukewarm fluid "that doesn't sound like jungwon".

"i thought that too" you said watching people walk by the window. "something's off with all this" jake muttered to himself, "i don't think there's much to it, i didn't mean much to him and he kissed another pretty girl the first given opportunity" you shut down.

"why would he make a scene after you left" he said curious more to himself, "insanity maybe" you replied making jake snort. "i've told haerin i'd hang out before class" you told jake as he stood up, he nodded "we can come to you tonight" he smiled giving you a side hug. you wave mouthing a thank you before walking out the door.

you walked to your class after seeing your friend, watching the street lights flicker they looked particularly beautiful this afternoon. "hi beautiful" you turned to the voice to be met with hyunjin looking at you with a glimmer in his eyes, "hi hyunjin" you said walking with him besides you, "how'd you like the party?" he said a little cautiously, "it was definitely.. interesting" you smiled, "oh? i didn't see you leave" he asked curious, "yeah i just felt a bit sick" you lied with ease.

"right" he said like he knew something you didn't "come eat with me?" he asked pointing at the sign above him, an inviting sushi place in front of you. you checked your phone time, 35 minutes till class, "sure i can't take too long though" you said watching his eyes light up.

you walked in and sat down at a booth near the door after ordering your food, hyunjin sat in front of you making conversation, you felt eyes on you, turning to find the source you locked eyes with jungwon sat with ni-ki, he looked between you, eyes narrowing on the boy in front of you.

"no fucking way he's here, with y/n" he said annoyance taking over his features, "you have to tell her-" "no i need proof, she won't believe me and i don't blame her it looks like i'm just some horny asshole" jungwon interrupted, ni-ki nodded. "especially if yuna's lying for him" he added.

he looked over again seeing hyunjin's hand hold yours a bit too long as you handed him chopsticks, "holy fuck i'm gonna lose it" he sighed tilting his head back. "chill we can talk to yuna later and find out why she did all that" ni-ki said attempting to calm him.

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

it had been almost a week and you'd avoided jungwon like the plague claiming it was for the best despite your friends best attempts to invite you over, spending a bit more time with hyunjin and also spent a lot more time at your other girl-friends dorms including sleeping over a few times since break started last week you had a lot of free time and no way to bump into him, or so you thought.

hyunjin : hii y/n, come to a party tonight i'll send you the address

which is how you ended up at some random persons house which was thankfully only a few minutes from your dorm. once again dressed in a cute outfit, a black off the shoulder top and miss me jeans hugging your body perfectly, you arrived rushing inside, a little cold since you left your jacket behind because it was so close.

you greeted a couple people you knew around on your way to the kitchen and poured yourself some disaronno and coke as usual, truthfully you don't even know why you came, you usually came for your friends, you'd much rather enjoy being home right around now but who knows maybe you'll enjoy it.

you finished your drink rather quickly after some girls invited you to shots despite having just met them, "you got a boyfriend?-or girlfriend" the girl you now knew as ningning spoke clearly tipsy, "nope" you replied popping the p. "too bad for anyone who's fumbled you" she slurred, you laughed about to respond before feeling a tap on your shoulder.

"hey i need to talk to you!" yuna shouted over the music, you sighed having an idea what this was about, you nodded following her up the stairs, she was guiding you to a room across the hall, the door open "look yuna you don't have to say anything to me, you didn't do anything wrong, if anything i'm sorry i didn't stay or say anything jungwon tried arguing with you" you said as she kept walking to the room.

you walked in and heard her close the door behind you, your felt heat rush to your face seeing jungwon and jake stood in the room, jake sent you an apologetic look while jungwon had an unreadable expression, surprised you were here. you turned to the door "they don't know why they're here" yuna stated.

"this is fucked up" you said turning and sitting in the space in-between the two them sitting after you, "i want to start by saying i'm sorry" she started looking between you and jungwon, her hands fidgeted with her sleeves "we didn't kiss" she said scrunching her nose, jungwon sighed out in relief "please explain" you said not yet believing her, "hyunijn told me to lie, he told me we were going to prank you and i was too drunk to question anything, especially because i thought you were attractive-" she gestured to jungwon "and when you rejected me it hurt my feelings, when i talked to hyunjin upset he told me he heard you guys when you were well.." you furrowed your eyebrows scoffing in a mix of amusement and disgust, "and what did you give him that piece of paper too?"-"yes i switched them after i smudged my lipstick".

"look i know it won't make up for it but i really just thought you guys were messing around i didn't think there were feelings involved" she said quickly clearly nervous, "there isn't" you said, jungwon's head turned towards you.

"why are you telling us this now" jungwon spoke up, "i knew hyunjin did it because he has feelings for you" she gestured at you,-"and we've been best-friends for a long time so i didn't want to tell you and lose him as a friend but you've been nothing but kind to me, you didn't blame me once and jungwon, you seemed so upset after i really didn't think it meant that much, if i'd known and wasn't so drunk i wouldn't have pulled something like that".

jungwon stood up breathing out "this wouldn't be so crazy if you hadn't lied to her face and mine multiple times, i came to you with ni-ki the day after and you still denied it, i gave you an opportunity to tell me the truth"-"look i'm sorr-"

the door opened, hyunjin walked in eyes examining the group of people, "what's going on" he spoke seeing the not so happy to see him faces. jungwon especially enraged.

"i told them.." yuna said under her breathe, hyunjin looked at you immediately "y/n i didn't-" you got up "don't bother" you closed down walking past him.

"i still don't know why i'm here" jake said holding up his arms.

you got out of there as fast as you could, too many thoughts going through your head at the same time. maybe he didn't kiss someone else, but that doesn't mean he likes you or feels anything, she doesn't know what she's talking about.. feelings, he could've just been mad someone's painting him in a bad light, anyone would be besides, the poem.

you closed your door a little harder than you intended taking your shoes off, you sighed head drunk with thought, your head hung in your hands and hyunjin, what a cunt.

knock knock

you opened the door a flushed jungwon standing in front of you, "y/n" he breathed out, "jungwon" you responded, "can i come in?". he looked insanely hot, wearing a grey gap hoodie the arms rolled up, paired with pinstripe trousers, you got out the door frame letting him inside, he took his shoes off and followed you over to your bed, you pat the space next to you which he gladly took.

"i'm sorry for not believing you" you started, "no i wouldn't have either i don't blame you, it was too insane", he quickly responded running a hand through his hair, he moved a little closer his knee grazing yours, "i can't stop thinking about everything that happened, with us"

"jungwon i read the poe-"

knock knock

you stopped taking a beat, "are we cool?" you asked standing up, he did the same "yeah of course" he said, you smiled "friends?". his face dropped a little, "of course y/n", you turned fully towards him hugging him, he breathed you in, hands immediately attached to your waist wrapping around your body, you pulled away a little looking up at him, he didn't pull away.

knock knock

you pull back grinning up at him and turned to the door cracking it open, "hii y/n" jake smiled letting himself in "hey jake-", "oh shit jungwon" he said looking between you, "i was looking for you, both actually" he spoke. "movie at our place?"

you laughed grabbing your coat, "i'm down", jungwon smiled walking towards his shoes "me too". "what we watching" you asked getting ready, "two idiots in love" he said making you both freeze. after a long agonizing beat he carried on "love, rosie".

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

another couple days passed and you were really losing your mind, he was taking over your brain, your every waking thought was the feeling of his hands on your body, his breathe against your ear. you even tried distancing yourself a little but you always found yourself back in that dorm watching a movie with your friends, him sitting next to you his body grazing yours in ways they shouldn't, eyes lingering in places they shouldn't, eyes holding contact for longer than they should.

unbeknownst to you he was going through the same thing, waking up feeling your whispers in his ear, he'd sigh waking up in the morning after dreaming of you once again.

this morning he dreamt the same thing he had been the past week, your lips on his, kissing him like you weren't going to stop, hands in his hair, whispering sweet nothings. he sighed rolling over on his side.

"what the fuck." he said into the air as if asking why he'd been forsaken like this.

he made it through most of the day without giving in the urge to run to your dorm and profess his need for you, which he considered a massive success. "aye jungwon, where you going" jake asked watching jungwon tie his laces, "library, gotta return some books" he said grabbing his coat, "wanna come?" jake nodded "sure, coffee after- oh y/n's coming later though we shouldn't take too long" he added slipping his shoes on.

they barely made it to the courtyard after handing his books in to the uni library, they walked past none other than hyunjin, the last person he'd like to see right now, to make matters worse he walked besides him whispering a taunting "jungwon, where's y/n". "don't say her name" he spat still walking. "tell her next time i see her i'll do whatever you did to make her moan so loud, probably do it better to-" the next blink he was on the floor clutching his eye, jungwon panted hand burning with adrenaline, he got up so fast hand balling into a fist, jungwon dodged the first punch, not being so lucky the second time hyunjin's fist connecting with his jaw, jake barely knew what happened next, the two mauled at each other, people started crowding, jake barely even registered his own voice yelling, he grabbed jungwon's arms pulling him back, getting in the middle he dodged hyunjin's throws shoving him to the floor, random people grabbed his arms, holding him back while jake calmed jungwon.

he pulled him along, "what the fuck did he say" he asked incredulously looking to jungwon, cuts on his cheek, a bruise blooming on his jaw, knuckles black and blue. "you do not wanna to know" jungwon sighed voice rough.

you were walking to their dorms, headphones in, not a care in the world, your outfit a cute long top a and skirt with patterned tights you got to their door and knocked against it a couple times pulling your headphones out and away into your handbag.

the door opened to a very relieved jake and ni-ki, "thank god" jake sighed out pulling you inside, "what whattt" you laughed taking off your shoes, "can you go see jungwon"- you raised your eyebrows "excuse me?".

what could you do they couldn't.. you reached his bedroom door and knocked a couple times "i'm fine!" he half yelled voice muffled through the door. you cracked it open not looking inside "it's me" you spoke. it was quiet for a few seconds before you felt the door opening. your lips parted as your eyes scanned over his features, the cuts, the bruises.

worry took over your features, jungwon stared at you mesmerised his hair messy, his long sleeved-collared shirt rolled up, baggy jeans scuffed "what the fuck- what happened- who did this-" you rambled after walking into his room and grabbed his arm, dragging him over to his bed where the first aid kit sat untouched. you sat him on the bed and put the kit on the floor, "hyunjin said some fucked up shit and i got a bit.." he trailed off watching you sink to your knees without a thought grabbing a few tissues from his stand, he opened his legs the second your hand touched his knee motioning them apart, you shifted closer in the space he just created and straightened yourself inches from his face. "you should see the other guy" he joked watching your features soften in amusement, a laugh escaping through the worry.

"wait it's okay, i can manage" he started not wanting you to go to the trouble, "can you?" you raised an eyebrow dabbing his cheek, making him wince. you apologised quickly, taking his unbruised hand in yours, you squeezed every time you touched any wound, as though you were making it hurt less, truthfully it did, but not because it was numbing the pain.

"what was the fucked up shit" you said curious, "huh" he replied "-oh! right,- he coughed thinking back cheeks heating up "he said he'd do whatever i did to make you moan, but better" he stuttered out rather fast, you raised your eyebrow for a millisecond before continuing your actions, "bullshit" you mumbled under your breathe, "what is?" he said in the same tone "he can't make me moan, never mind better" you said as if the most obvious thing in the world, "yeah?" he responded looking for your reaction, "yeah" you replied eyes flicking to his lips, he stared at you, your concentration cleaning his wounds bewitched him.

"y/n". "don't worry i'm almost done" you said thumb brushing over his cheek, he shuddered, "no that's not what i was gonna say", you pushed yourself up using your knees again, losing balance your hand pressed into his thigh as his flew to your waist, he hissed out, lips against your ear.

"fuck" you breathed out pulling back just enough to see his face, eyes darting to his, neither of you moved, "you done?" he exhaled low, you nodded eyes stuck in his, "good", his hand slid to your lower back, as if reading your mind he instantaneously pulled your body against his simultaneously crashing his lips against yours. messy, wet, needed. your lips moulded against his, you both sighed into each other, he used it to deepen the kiss tilting his head forcing you to groan into him, his body reacting immediately, he groaned reversing back into the bed, taking you with him, you crawled up, lips still attached.

he pulled back breath heavy, "i will never get enough of you" he spoke against your lips moving hair out your face, you smiled against his lips pecking them you as you sat yourself up on him, getting comfortable, a thought still plaguing your mind, "what are you thinking" he said softly, you didn't want to ruin this, but the thought of the poem being about someone else burned you, if this was the only way you could have him maybe you should just leave it.

one hand lay on your hip the other holding him up, you shook your head and leaned down pressing a kiss to the uncut part of his cheek, then kissed the side of his lips, finally pressing a searing kiss to his lips, he sighed as if relieved, his hand snaked around your body holding you closer than ever, your legs around his waist, you pulled back slotting your head in his neck, safe. his lips grazed your ear, he breathed out a shaky, nervous "january embers", you pulled your head out immediately, eyes darting between his, eyebrows furrowed, lips shaky "her eyes are like winter fire", he paused "my heart burns there too", his heart was beating so loud he swore you could hear it, he watched your lips, "my heart burns there too" you repeated, a long exhale left his lips a beaming smile taking over his face his head tipped back.

"the only reason i wasn't here days ago, was the thought of that poem being for anyone else, i couldn't bear the thought" you whispered he shook his head "i forgot i left it in there, when i realised, all that bullshit happened-""-i hate that you thought for even a second that i could so much as look at someone else" he spoke slowly, as though he was trying to ingrain the words into your brain with his eyes, hypnotising you.

he took his glasses off leaning over and placing them on the nightstand, you slid your hand against his neck bringing him in resting your forehead against his, he lay kisses on your forehead, then your lips, sighing low, feeling you massage his hair with your nails, you brought your head back for a second just to admire his features, he moulded a hand against your waist below your tits, you opened your mouth in a silent sigh, he tilted his head immediately deepening the kiss, your tongues met, sounds wet and filthy, the room filled with both your gasps and groans, you felt something prodding your thigh, something that was there the whole time, but only now did you decide to do something about it.

you adjusted yourself, and innocently sat yourself down slowly, his breathe hitched against your mouth, you sucked his lower lip, hips rolling lightly once, he whimpered, actually whimpered in your mouth, pulling back to look at you, breathe ragged, "baby..ahh fuck you're grinding on me" he looked up at you as though you hung the moon and stars, "you want me to stop?" you teased rolling your hips again, he groaned out eyes darkening, "see what happens if you stop" he whispered low against you, you grinned eyes dazed, and pulled your hips back, he smirked knowing you'd take the bait.

he turned you over, you now beneath him, an elbow held him up,a hand feathered over your thighs, he flicked the tights against your skin, your skirt hiking up a bit further than it should've been, his lips found your collarbones, sucking followed by licks as if to soothe it, your noises making him grow harder, your thighs pressed together instinctively, his fingers pried themselves between them, "open", you listened making him smirk against your neck, he cupped your heat, you whimpered his lips still marking you, he moaned feeling you "i've barely touched you and you've soaked through your panties baby" his breathe shaking with need, he brought his head up close to yours and rubbed experimentally through your panties, you bucked your hips, noises like music to his ears.

he ripped the tights in one fluid motion and let his middle finger feel your slit past your panties, his lips parted open in pure euphoria, "jungwon please ah, more" you choked out lips wobbling, how could he refuse you after hearing you say his name with so much need, he pushed a finger in pumping in an out at an excruciating pace wet filthy sounds echoing through the room, you shook moaning out, he added a second, entranced watching your reactions, eyes transfixed on you, he sped up feeling your hole clench around him, his thumb started rubbing circles on your clit, faster and faster, you got louder with each second and his eyes dilated more watching his fingers pump in and out, "fuck-god i'm so fucking-close" you breathed, he kept his pace somehow driving his fingers harder inside you, "cum for me baby" he whispered, you went silent for a second your orgasm crashing into you with force, your lips trying to catch your breath "you okay angel?" he asked eyes still glossed over, you nodded sending him a grin "so much better than okay", he returned the grin and took his fingers out of you, fluids spilling out of you, you caught your breath looking up at his darkened eyes, then slowly he brought his hand up and wrapped his lips around his soaked fingers moaning at the taste, you groaned at the sight hole clenching around nothing, "you taste so fucking good" he breathed pulling you on top of him laying his back against the wall, he shoved his tongue in your mouth making you taste yourself, moaning into each other, he unbuttoned your top mid-kiss throwing it behind you then did the same motion with your bra and pulled back to admire you.

"you cannot be real" he gawked making you turn your head smiling, his lips attacked yours again, hands massaging your tits, you lightly bounced once craving the friction, he forced his mouth closed just sighing, if you didn't know any better you would've thought he was in pain from it, lips still attached you crawled backwards, back against the bed, pulling his shirt, he rolled his hips against yours erratically, you copied his actions, both of you craving more, you tugged on his shirt hands roaming under it, your nails lightly scratching against his body, he pulled back pulling it off his body in one swift motion before pulling his jeans off too discarding it somewhere on the floor, he immediately pushed himself back against you laying you down again, his full length pressing into your thigh as his lips marked your neck.

"need everyone to know you're mine" he muttered low against you, your cunt ached with need, you lowered your hand from his hair and wrapped it around his hard length making him stop his actions, lowing his head breathe shaky against your lips, you slowly started palming him turning him to jelly above you, he moaned loud against your parted lips, you removed your hand and bit your lip watching him lower his head to your stomach kissing and licking up until he reached your tits, he licked your hardened nipples experimentally, you bucked your hips from the sensitivity, he let his tongue swirl around it moaning around you sending the vibrations straight to your core, you whimpered loud.

he moved up chest pressed against yours, you palmed him again looking for his reaction, "y/n.." you paused to look at his face, darkness clouding his once glazed eyes, his hand ghosted over the one wrapped around him he entwined it with his then pinned your hands above your head faster then you could register it, he pressed his hardened dick against your dripping pussy, a layer still in the way, he whispered "show me that pretty tongue baby" you complied immediately, he wrapped his lips around your tongue sucking softly before licking into your mouth you whined gasping into him, he pulled back admiring your puffy lips "again." he breathed still panting, you listened again as he tilted your chin up slightly and spat straight on your tongue, you couldn't help the noises as you swallowed his eyes burning into you, groaning "my filthy girl" his lips crashed onto yours, releasing your hands, his hips rutting against you, it was no longer enough, he pulled your lips with him pushing his pants away.

if it wasn't bad enough he teased his tip against your slit, "jungwon, baby please fuck me" you whimpered against his lips, he pushed in the tip slowly watching your face, lips parted, he was so fucking big, he pushed in little by little finally gasping into each others mouths as he bottomed out, your eyes welled up feeling so full, he looked euphoric. he pulled out till it was just the tip in you and pushed back in testing the waters, "aah fuck baby- you're tight so-fucking-tight" he stuttered, you bit your bottom lip tears threatening to spill, he sped up hand reaching down to rub circles on your sensitive clit, your tears fell, lip wobbling "fuck-fuck-fuckbaby aah" you moaned lips grazing his, he started pounding into you, the bed shaking beneath you, the sound piercing the room, "baby-i'mso-so close" he spoke teeth grit, he pulled out for a split second and pulled your leg over his shoulder before pounding back into you at an even faster pace, your lips met in barely a kiss, your moans being swallowed by each other, "aahfuck please fill me-up" his hips stuttered whining into your mouth while he came in you filling you up to the brim, his head on your shoulder, you both panted heavily your leg falling besides the other.

he pressed a kiss to your open lips before shuffling beside you pulling you closer, your legs intertwined, his arm under your head, "i noticed you, from the beginning, before i knew you were the same y/n jake and ni-ki loved, before this could've been a possibility" he spoke into the air between you, you sent him a reassuring smile to continue, "-i would've continued noticing, even if we never met that day and i was okay with that. i was so stupid for ever being okay with that" he whispered moving a stray piece of hair, "jungwon.."-"shhh i'm not done" he smiled a hand cupping your jaw, "even the days just noticing you were a privilege, anyone who has set their eyes on you even once is beyond blessed, i think i loved you before i even knew you" he spoke like he barely had to think about his words, he suddenly got nervous watching tears glaze over your eyes, "hey-hey it's okay baby was it too much?" he cupped your face, worry plaguing his mind, "no-no it wasn't, it could never be, i just..i love you" he sighed relieved, immediately flashing his dimples he buried his face into your cheek, shy.

"how'd you fuck me like that and then get all shy and cute?" you giggled against his hair, he pulled his face out whispering "duality of man" before jumping up "wait i'm gonna clean you up" he spoke grabbing a towel from his door, "baby just come back here" you whined watching him shove some clothes on, "come on we're showering" he said in a stern voice, a smile betraying his fake tone, "you wanna wear this?" he asked holding up an oversized spiderman tee, "holy fuck yes" you laughed jumping up off the bed into his outstretched his arms, you wrapped your arms around his neck as he spun you, your legs around his waist, "now to get there without anyone seeing".

.⭑♱ˎˊ˗

his hands massaged your scalp softly the shampoo lathering up in your hair and washed it out eyebrows tilted in concentration, you turned to face him pressing a kiss to his jaw, he pulled you against him resting his chin on your head pressing kisses to you, you finished up washing each other and he insisted on drying your hair "pleasee just this once", you gave in under no pressure.

you sat on the counter in a towel as he stood in-between your legs wearing only grey joggers, towel around his shoulders, tongue prodding the side of his lip in deep concentration, you took the towel from his shoulders starting to dry his hair, after a couple minutes you both placed the towels to the side, he grinned up at you, hands snaking around your waist, "c'mon let's get you changed" he spoke softly motioning your arms up, you lifted them, he pulled the spiderman tee over them and started feeding your legs through some grey joggers before wrapping one arm around your waist setting you down on the ground and pulling them up.

you made it back to his room in one peace until you heard a knock on the door. jungwon looked towards you, eyes a little scared, "yo jungwon are you cool-" he spoke pushing the door open, his eyes darted between you both widening slightly, "are you guys-"- "no" you both said at the same time, "i dropped the rubbing alcohol on her while tryna clean my desk" he lied scratching his neck, "aw shit, i was coming to ask if you guys wanna watch a movie" he asked you both, "what movie?" you replied rather quick, "avatar".

bonus

it had been about 3 weeks since you both confessed your feelings and he'd even gone out of his way to ask you to be his girlfriend properly claiming it was the least he could do, he had shown up to your dorm, flowers in hand taking you to a cinema which he rented and played your favourite movies, ending the night with hot chocolate kisses and a "y/n.. will you let me be your boyfriend?". of course you said you said yes with that shy laugh he loved.

now you also hadn't told your friends yet, which was becoming a slight problem. that night you went back to jungwon's dorm, jake and ni-ki messaged him earlier saying they'd be home pretty late since they'd be at a party so you took advantage of this to watch a movie in bed, which quickly got forgotten since he decided to be extremely handsy after seeing your black laced matching underwear, you were on top of him back arched clothes off above the covers, his hands massaged your ass your lips attached to his, his shirt came off pretty quickly, you admired your recent works on his chest before reattaching yourself to his lips earning a groan.

unfortunately you both got a bit too into it completely unaware your friends had come home early, jake swung the door open his coat half off, he looked at the scene in front of him, you in your underwear on top of a half naked jungwon, he screamed turning around "GUYS PLEASEPLEASE PUT CLOTHES ON HOLYFUCK", jungwon's head sank backwards mortified, you couldn't help but laugh as you shoved jungwon's shirt on, "are you guys decent" jake whisper yelled around the corner, jungwon said yes, his cheeks and neck sporting a deep pink flush, jake sat on his bed setting his coat down, "so.. what the fuck" he started, you laughed sitting besides him, you put an arm around his shoulders "it's been a couple weeks", he looked to you both his brain connecting the dots, "wait.. since the fight?" he asked, jungwon muttered a "yeahh.." jake looked between you both incredulously, "dude, i literally napped in that bed by accident!" he half yelled, "sorry bro." jungwon replied laughing, another set of steps came from the hall ni-ki looked between you guys. "someone die?" he asked looking at jakes expression, "wait, does he know?" he asked looking between you, you both shook your heads, "know you guys have been dating?" he asked eyebrow raised, you all looked at him shocked, "how long have you known?" you asked, "since the fight, you know they took like 4 hours to come out after we got y/n to talk to him?" he spoke laughing, "shit....movie?" jake put his hands on his knees pushing himself up, you all laughed at his actions.

vee's notes:

this shit took me like a week holy.. i'm actually pretty happy with her! lowkey this turned into a peterparker!jungwon flipping fic.. what can i say my two faves, lowk might be my next fic.

how ni-ki was moving...

[jakevwebber]

people really need to give changbin the attention he deserves

[strayklds]

HAN @ MUSIC BANK (251121) 💪

[starlostjisung]

i’m down bad barking at the gym or something

[intromortal]

⭑ INCH BY INCH ⸻ park sunghoon

you have a boyfriend gifted with a pornstar cock, but he refuses to use it on you, too scared he'll end up hurting you. so your best shot is to devise a plan to get him to crumble, and even if things don't unfold quite as expected, what matters is the result anyway... right?

starring ⋆ f!reader x park sunghoon, besties!jaykewon

this work contains ⋆ smut ⋆ minors so not interact ⋆ barely any plot, way too much smut, sunghoon being diabolically hung, my extremely poor attempts at humor, established relationship, nasty nasty shit... brat tamer sunghoon, alcohol consumption, implied driving under the influence, jealousy, slut shaming (not from hoon), a tiny bit of violence, blood, size & bulge kink, fingering, dry humping, slight degradation, partially clothed sex, a freaky voice message, edging & overstim, oral (f!rec), mutual masturbation, lube, squirting, unprotected sex ⸻ rules m.list

length ⋆ one shot ⸻ 23.6k words

⭑ NIA ⸻ i'm in pain and my period is abt to start ANDD antibiotics fucked my stomach up so if you see typos no you don't. anyways. big fat cock. who agrees!! shoutout to my homies vivi and stella for putting up with my ass and deactivation threats anytime i write anything ever!!! and for having read this before anyone else

Having a dick so big multiple people suggest you make a career out of it isn't half as nice as it sounds, Sunghoon would know that better than anyone.

Even before getting any experience, he'd been aware of just how comically large his dick was. He'd known ever since he had to go out of his way to search for porn with ‘massive cock!’ in the title for it to look anything like his, and even then he often found himself thinking they had to be exaggerating a bit for the sake of clicks.

Turns out, the comparison with real life average sizes is even more ridiculous.

He knows it sounds silly, there are hordes of men out there that would pay good money to swap places with him—his dear friend Jake being the first in line.

Sunghoon still cringes when he remembers the first time he'd oh so innocently asked Jake for his opinion on the matter. Truthfully, all he wanted to hear from his bleached blonde friend was some reassurance, maybe how it was all in his head, or how at the end of the day the right person would love and appreciate every part of him no matter what, or whatever you tell people in situations like these. His first mistake was believing Jake out of all his friends would do the most tactful thing.

“That thing’s like—fucking huge!” Jake shrieked, grabbing Sunghoon’s phone out of his hands, every protest falling on deaf ears. “There’s no fucking way, man.”

“It’s not that b—” Sunghoon tries to speak, but Jake stops him before he even gets a sentence in, calling Jay’s name at the top of his lungs. 

“What are you—”

“WHAT,” Jay yells back from the kitchen, over the deafening sound of the food processor in use, annoyed by Jake’s continuous interruptions that day. Of which at least four were to show him some nasty looking recipe he found on tiktok.

“You gotta come take a look at this!”

At the time, Sunghoon was still vaguely uncomfortable around Jay. He was nice enough, and he was a great roommate, so there was that at least. It was a good trade off because the other option was staying at the way too crowded shitty dorms, and he liked the privacy that this deal got him. He wasn't always on board with it, Jake had to talk him into it when high school ended, but he swore him and Jay would be the bestest of friends if only he could let his reservations behind for a little, at least give him a chance.

Sunghoon moved away halfway through the second year of high school, and for a while it felt like Jay had swapped places with him and taken the life he was supposed to live for himself. First his best friend, Jake. Then the girl of his dreams, the one he never found the courage to confess to, you.

Thing is, while Sunghoon could recognize Jay had done absolutely nothing wrong to him per se, he still felt betrayed by him in a way. Truly it was just envy.

The food processor comes to an abrupt halt, and all that can be heard from the other room is a deep sigh, followed by the sound of dragged footsteps as their tall friend walks into the messy—in the way only college boys living spaces can be—living room with resignation. “Fine. But this better have nothing to do with Cheetos or tacos.” 

“Much better.” Jake winks at him, nudging Sunghoon’s hands away with his elbow, the younger hissing in pain. “Behold,” he turns the phone towards an unassuming Jay, aware of the fact he's about to change the older's view of Sunghoon forever.“Sunghoon’s monster of a cock.”

Jay’s hands stop on his apron, (the ridiculous one with a bodybuilder torso and cheetah boxers Jungwon got him for a secret Santa) and his mouth hangs open for a second too long, before he comes back to his senses and notices how Sunghoon slumps back on the couch, cheeks burning red. Jay swats the phone out of Jake’s hand. “What the fuck is your problem, dude.”

“What? I’m just saying it’s way larger than average!”

“He’s uncomfortable.” Jay says, going back to drying his hands on the apron. “Leave him be.”

This only makes Sunghoon’s cheeks redder, his ears a bright pink too. Jake scoffs, eyeing him suspiciously. “Sure. I’m sure having a porn star cock must be so mortifying. Who even complains about stuff like this?” he snickers before making his voice a pitch higher. “‘Poor me! My dick’s too heavy! What will I do!”

“Oh my god,” Sunghoon runs a hand through his hair, pulling the ends a bit. “It is not that big.” He looks at Jay for support, expecting him to disagree with Jake.

Jay’s gaze falters to his pants for a split second. His mouth twists but he remains silent.

“Not you too.” Sunghoon's hands now hold his face as he sinks into the cushions further, legs spreading. “Just say what you wanna say.”

“I mean…” Jay gestures towards Sunghoon's crotch. “I suspected you were big but… that’s crazy, man.”

“It’s not that cra—”

“Yes it is! You’ve got a fucking gas storage tank in your pants and you wanna sit here and tell us it’s not crazy?” Jake says, exasperated by that point. “And stop playing dumb. It’s big. That’s good. I’m sure the ladies go crazy over it. Or the gentlemen. Or whoever it is you fuck.” He kisses his teeth, muttering under his breath. “Lucky bastard.”

“Jake’s right, Hoon. I don’t know why you're so… negative about it. It's a good thing."

“I wouldn’t know,” Sunghoon mutters under breath, more to himself than to the guys, but it’s still loud enough for them to catch it.

“Oh? Then whenever the time comes, you’ll see how much they’ll love it,” Jay says.

"I'm just worried." Sunghoon tries his best to avoid both sets of eyes staring intently at him. "What… what if I end up hurting someone?"

Jake coos, then moves closer to Sunghoon on the couch, his breath fanning over his ear as he whispers, “Always so concerned about other people. Aren't you such a cutie pie?”

The boys weren't exactly wrong, but with big dick come great responsibilities—as Jake said. Yup, roll your eyes at him, not Sunghoon. He's innocent—like having to finger and eat out your partners for what feels like an eternity before even trying to push the tip in, which is not exactly the best situation to be in as a virgin. Current Sunghoon thinks that's the best part, but it took a while to get here.

Sunghoon has always been a very patient man though, a gentle giant in every sense of the phrase. The last thing he would ever want to do is inflict pain accidentally on another human being.

When he got his first actual girlfriend, he'd been so nervous and honestly quite scared to have sex with her. So he got on Google whenever he had free time to study ways to make it as comfortable as possible, watching all kinds of video explanations or reading through feminine pleasure blogs written by women for women specifically, because that's where Jay told him the good stuff was at.

By the time he got to actually have sex with her, his mind was so overwhelmed by all this information that he essentially forgot how to even think. It was anything but romantic, so deeply embarrassing Sunghoon still cringes even after all this time when his mind betrays him and reminds him of it while trying to fall asleep at night.

And then, to add insult to injury, his girlfriend cheated on him and left him for this guy she'd only just met, because 'it might not be as big, but at least he knows how to use it'.

Heartbroken and with an hurt ego, Sunghoon did that thing all boys do when their first relationship doesn't work out: hit the gym and promise themselves they're never gonna fall in love ever again.

That second part ended up failing, because from the moment you showed up at his doorstep to visit (your now ex boyfriend, but a beloved friend nonetheless) Jay and Jake, five different bags around you, with eyes as big as saucers and staring at him like he had invaded his own apartment, all the feelings younger Sunghoon had for you hit him like a brick to his nape all over again.

You two dating came as a shock to everyone around you, mostly because while you were aware of Park Sunghoon's existence and vice versa, you'd never given it too much thought. You remembered him as the scrawny kid with the cute moles from math that you used to always catch staring. He was often around Jungwon because they were neighbors, but was way too shy to even say hi to you. That, and he was also always around Jake—who you were not exactly fond of, given his reputation—so you steered clear of him when you could manage to.

Then, when the third year of high school started, you stopped seeing him around, and Jungwon told you he had moved away to follow his dad's business. You wouldn't admit it at the time but the hallways seemed duller than usual for a few days, but that probably was also due to Jake not being as loud and energetic with his best friend gone.

Last year of high school, you went on a few dates with Jay from history class, and while he was the closest you have ever thought a man to be perfect, you both agreed you worked better as friends than anything more. Usually that means 'you're cool but I'm gonna try my best to not have to say hi to you if I see you around', but Jay is so wonderful, you actually kept in touch and became quite close, even if platonically.

By the time the year ended, you had a very tight group of friends consisting of yourself, Jungwon, Jay, and even Jake—who, for the record, isn't nearly as bad as all the crazy rumors make him out to be. It saddened you that it took so long to find your group, but you were grateful you had one nonetheless, a lot of people never get that luxury, so you weren't about to let a little graduation get in between you all. You spent a good five days consoling Jake that no, no one was going anywhere and yes, you will all be best friends for life.

But then college started, and it became difficult to stay in touch because Jay and Jake had to move. Jake reassured you that you and Jungwon would be more than welcome to visit and stay over at their apartment—which you found funny because that is technically not Jake's apartment at all, at least not until Hoon moved in too and the three of them started sharing the costs, but he has a way of making every place he steps foot in his, like he's meant to be there, so Jay let it slide.

So the first thing you did when you finally had some free time was getting on the cheapest flight available to go visit your friends. Heavy luggage in hand and stained sweatpants on, you were dumbfounded when the one who opened the door for you was none other than Park Sunghoon, and not Jay like you expected.

He was no longer the shy kid you remembered him to be, and he had grown nicely into his features, his hair now a jet back instead of the brown you were accustomed to see. Over those two weeks you realized that while you have know Sunghoon all your life, you had never really seen him, and it made you want to go back in time and hand a little paper note to the shy boy always staring at you during class.

Your head sinks further into your pillow with a whine, the case enveloping it sporting gray spots of wetness, where your tears and drool had accumulated over the last torturous half an hour Sunghoon spent fucking you open with his fingers. You don't know what he means, because you feel like you could take his entire fist by now, that's how wet you are. If your pillowcase is such a mess, you don't even wanna think about what your bed sheets look like.

"I can– take you," you protest, breath hitching mid sentence at a particularly deep curl of his fingers inside you.

"Yeah?" Sunghoon quirks an eyebrow at you, moving his thumb to suddenly hover over your clit. It's not a full touch, nor does he really move it from there, but just the expectation of it has your walls involuntary flutter around his digits. A wicked grin overtakes his face, in a way you think it would clash with his prince-like features. But it looks right at home on him, the canines poking out only adding to his devilish charm.

"Then what's this? Gripping me even tighter," he says against your lips again, like he can't pick between kissing you or speaking, like anything he does he needs to do it with your taste on his mouth. He shakes his head, pouting at you before you get the chance to retort. "Squeeze me this tight when I'm inside you, and I'll believe you're trying to push me out, baby."

The press of his length against your thigh doesn't help, and when your eyes roll to the back of your head, half the reason is the new spot he's now reaching making you see stars, the other is your frustration with him. You know he's huge, and you know he cares about your comfort above all, but a little sting as he bottoms out inside you would be a hundred times better than the 'prep' he's subjecting you to. It took so long to even get here, and now he plans on making you wait even more? You have half the idea to push him off of you and get on top of him, take what's yours. If he's not gonna believe you can take him, you might as well just show him.

Of course, that wouldn't work, because Sunghoon is infinitely stronger than you are and the only thing you would accomplish is looking stupid thrashing under him as he keeps you pinned down. Probably with one arm only too, to really get his point across.

"Add another finger then." There's a certain bark in your tone that makes him chuckle. That's all it is: bark and no bite. You can do nothing but demand, and demand, and demand again, but if he's not willing to give it to you, there is close to nothing you can do about it. And it makes Sunghoon's cock twitch against the slick skin of your thighs. He loves knowing he has you at his mercy.

"Woah!" he gasps, and the fake surprise only irritates you further. Or at least that's what you tell yourself, because Sunghoon doesn't miss the way you clench around his fingers whenever he talks to you like this. "Missy, you're so bratty today… where are your manners?"

The retort is ready on your tongue, but the words mold into a surprised hiss when he actually prods your hole with a third digit, feeling around for a way to slowly ease it into you. You fear it won't be as easy as you hoped, but you also don't want to back down now that he's giving in.

"Just put it in." You angle your hips to give Sunghoon easier access.

"Easy there." He leans back on his knees, and you hate how you're so needy. Even when he's still so close, fingers pumping in and out of you at a torturous pace, you crave for every inch of your body to be touched by his, for your breaths to mingle for as long as possible. You wonder how it's possible to miss someone who's right in front of you, but your heart yearns to hear the rhythmic beat of his own against your chest all the same.

You don't get to dwell on it too long, because the sensation of something wet dribbling right where Sunghoon's fingers meet you rips you out of your thoughts.

It takes a few seconds for you to realize what's happening, but when it sinks in, your mouth slowly hangs open in a moan, eyes closed to relish the feeling.

"You like that?" Sunghoon asks, and for once you can't bring yourself to care about the cockiness in his tone. In fact, it's the last thing you could care about—not when his digits are working to spread his spit all over you, and his third finger is slowly making its way inside you right next to the others. It's a tight fit, and Sunghoon can't really move his fingers like he wishes to, but it'll do for now. He can always do it over and over again until you're ready, as long as you keep making those faces for him. "Look at you," he continues. "You were so demanding earlier, now you're falling apart and I'm barely just getting started."

You clench around him hard, body all tensed up as you accommodate the sudden change in thickness.

Sunghoon bends down again when he notices you're not easing up, trailing his way back up your body with pecks, giving you a few on your lips once he reaches your face. "Does it burn, baby?" he asks, the playful edge in his tone from earlier completely gone, smoothed down to the usual soft timbre you love so much. "Do you want me to take it out? I'll make you cum with two fingers, it's okay."

You shake your head. The stretch does burn, but you also want to prove to him that you can take him.

"You sure?" The murmur vibrates against your ear, the sound of his voice close enough to have you arching your back, pushing your stomach against his harder figure. If you had any sort of reservation about continuing, it's totally gone now. His insistence to make you comfortable always ignites pure want in you.

You nod, but your eyes are still screwed shut because of the burn, so it's not enough for Sunghoon to let go yet.

He slows down his movements, trying to help you out, but the whine you let out is enough to let him know you actually want what he's giving you and more. Still, he needs to hear it. "Use your big girl words, I know you can."

"Wanna keep going."

"Aaand?"

"Please, Hoon." You know you're far gone when you don't even care about how whiny you sound, you would get onto your knees and beg if he asked you to right then. You would want to forget about it right after, but still, you would do it in a heartbeat.

Thankfully, your boyfriend is very nice to you, so 'please and thank you's are enough to keep him satiated, at least for now.

"Good girl."

The praise goes straight to your cunt, further tightening the grip you have on his fingers. Sunghoon is flattered, but that's not what you need in that moment. So he reminds you.

"Take deep breaths, baby. It's only gonna hurt more if you don't ease up."

"Hoon, want more."

"I know baby, I know. But it'll feel better if you stop tensing up. Here, follow my breaths and let go." He kisses both of your shut eyelids. "Eyes on me, pretty. Okay?"

You obey him like it's second nature, but when you open your eyes and you're met with the downright angelic sight of your boyfriend, black strands of hair framing his face and his chain dangling slightly from his neck, you don't understand how you're supposed to calm down. He starts taking deep breaths, ones you try your best to mirror. And despite what you thought, the focus on your chest rising and falling and the warmth in Sunghoon's eyes does make the stretch a lot better. You were enjoying yourself before too, all things considered. Now it's different, you're struggling to keep your sounds in, and any other time you would be mortified by how much wetness is seeping out of your cunt, but Sunghoon's presence is relaxing in a way no one else's has ever been for you.

The more you explore each other's bodies, the more you start to think that maybe, just maybe, there is not a single thing you could do with Sunghoon that you would ever regret. The safety of a judgment free zone with someone who obviously cares deeply for you makes the experience so much better than you could have ever imagined. What other people did to you, no matter how pleasurable, just didn't measure up to what Sunghoon does with you. And you haven't even gone all the way in.

"Theeere we go, see how much better it feels when you're not being a brat?"

Sunghoon is careful with you, watching your every reaction and studying your expressions so he can learn exactly what makes crumble and what brings you closer to the edge, what makes you forget you have to breathe and when to pause so he can drag your pleasure out for as long as he wants, for as long as you can handle. His cock is rock hard, casually rutting against you from time to time. You have half a mind to reach into his boxers and help him out, but you're not sure you could do a good enough job at it, not when he's starting to bend the tips of his fingers to reach right where you need him.

You can feel yourself getting closer, so you grab his wrists—whether to stop him or push him further, you don't know yourself. What you do know, is that just fingers have never felt this good before, and if you had the choice to feel like this forever, you would take it.

The sudden grip doesn't deter Sunghoon, it encourages him instead. His movements are faster, deeper, but still just as precise. It's like he already knows the ins and outs of what brings you pleasure. "Gonna come all over my hand, baby? I know you're close."

You nod desperately, throat too raw and dry to produce sounds more complex than little whines—which Sunghoon finds adorable, he can't wait to find out what sounds you make when he's splitting you open on his cock. He coos, and that alone almost makes you cum. Almost, because what really does you in is his thumb moving to finally circle your clit, really touch it.

Your body tenses up again when your vision goes a searing white, but Sunghoon's other hand finds your thighs right away to prevent you from caging his hands between your legs. He worked hard to make you cum, so you're not gonna take the sight of your fluttering pussy away from him, not when he has rightfully earned it.

"You did so well," he says, his hand caressing the skin of your inner thigh as a reminder to relax your muscles, his thumb slowing down its movement on your clit as your walls flutter around his digits at longer intervals each time.

You eventually even out your breathing, your vision still a little fuzzy, but you feel lighter and content. Once Sunghoon is sure you're okay, he pulls you in for a sweet kiss, like he wasn't just rearranging your guts with his fingers alone moments ago.

"Perfect, you're so perfect," he whispers between kisses, landing a wet smack on your nose when you scrunch it in response. "You're always gorgeous but this—fuck, you're beautiful." He keeps kissing you, each kiss waking up a different butterfly in your stomach. You feel giddy like you haven't ever since you were a kid running through the meadow on a spring evening. You giggle when he reaches the valley of your breasts, and run your fingertips through his hair, his head resting on your chest.

"I love you," Sunghoon whispers, and for the first time in your life you know those words to be true, no hidden intention behind them, no cruel joke waiting for you at the end of the line. It feels right when they're coming out of Sunghoon's mouth.

"I know, I love you t—what are you doing." It's much more of an accusation rather than a question, because you see the little wicked glint in his eyes as he resumes kissing his way down your body—first down your navel, then between your thighs.

"Showing you how much I love you, duh." He spreads your legs as open as he can get them before you start protesting again. "Besides, I haven't gotten a taste yet."

You should stop him, because suddenly you're reminded of how he still hasn't come yet, and you would feel bad to neglect him. The look in his eyes though—needy, almost feral— keeps you pinned right in your spot. "What… about you?"

Sunghoon looks at you, genuinely confused. "What about me?"

"Yeah, I should be… helping you out." You glance down at him, and the wet patch on his boxers makes you clench around nothing. Had you not witnessed first hand how messy Sunghoon can get, you would assume he cummed already. Knowing that's only pre though, makes saliva flood into your mouth at the mere thought of your boyfriend's cock pumping load after load down your throat. Screw 'not hurting' you, you would be happy gagging and choking endlessly around him if it meant you got a tiny little taste.

"Oh baby, but you are helping me out. Just lay back and let me." Sunghoon pops two of his fingers in his mouth, tasting the residues of you high still lingering on his skin, rich and divine on his tongue. "So good, now let me get a real taste."

He trails his wet fingers up your body, relishing in the way you shiver under his touch when he brushes over your nipples. He grabs your face once he reaches it, and forces you to look at him. "Wanting to please me… aren’t you such a generous girl? So, so good for me. So eager to please, you’re so cute.” He doesn't miss how your lip twitches in response to his words, and how your hand slides between your thighs and how they close around it. “But, I'm still not done.”

“But—”

“Shhh,” he silences you right away. He parts your lips with his thumb, and your response to it is immediate, sucking on it without needing to be told what to do. You swirl your tongue around his finger eagerly, as if trying to show him what he is missing by not letting you take his cock out his pants. “See? So perfect for me. Such a pretty and obedient girl, am I right?” 

You nod subconsciously, like he has you under a spell, ready to comply with anything he asks out of you. Maybe he does.

“I know that’s right.” Sunghoon takes the thumb out of your mouth, coating your lips with your own spit as he caresses them with it. “Then do what you’re told and lay back. I can fuck you another time. Now spread those legs for me mkay? Yeah, just like that. So much we can do in the meantime."

"I just don't get why he won't stick it in me."

"You have such a way with words."

You throw a fry at your best friend, only to get more irritated when he catches it midair with his mouth. Jungwon chews it loudly with his mouth open—because he knows it annoys you to death—then washes it down with his coconut milkshake that he won't let you get a sip of because 'using the same straw as me counts as cheating now that you're dating Sunghoon'.

"Okay but why? You're a man. What's the thought process behind this? Tell me."

"Girl, it's your boyfriend. You tell me."

"What if he doesn't fine me att—" A fry hits you right on your forehead, and it's like the impact activates your brain cells, because of course Sunghoon finds you attractive, that is not the problem.

"Now, let's be honest with ourselves please. None of that shit."

Your back hits the bed with a soft thud, arms spread out as you stare at the very familiar ceiling of your room. A sight you've been taking in quite often recently, while trying to come up with a plan to get Sunghoon to dick you down good.

Jungwon shoves a fist of fries in his mouth, barely chewing before speaking again. "I don't get why it's such a big deal."

You roll onto your side, facing the blonde little gremlin occupying the space next to you. "It's a big deal because— why is your ass on my pillow. Jungwon get—"

He silences you by feeding you a handful of fries from the container on his lap. "You were saying?"

You gulp them down quickly before replying, because you're civilized enough to do so, unlike someone else. "We've done it all, and I know he's scared of hurting me, but I can also tell he's holding back. I'm ready– I've been ready. It's just… whenever I think it's gonna happen he pulls back so suddenly, like he's restraining himself."

"Mhh… you've talked to him about this, right?" Jungwon looks at you in a way that feels entirely too judgmental, like skipping the communication part is something you do often enough for it to be a pattern. Something he needs to check off of a list before he gives you more advice.

He's not completely wrong. As in, at one point in your life you had made an habit out of assuming people's thoughts and intentions, but that is in the past. And those people are not your Park Sunghoon.

The polaroids messily scattered on the wall above your desk, like someone had dropped them and they'd defied gravity to stay there, glimmer as the sun starts its golden descent into the horizon. Old, more ruined around the edges ones you took right after Jungwon got you a polaroid camera with his very first salary from working at an ice cream shop over the summer. Pictures of sunsets and dumb words carved into sandy beaches, of thumbs digging into teenager Jungwon's dimples. Newer, glossier ones that you took when Sunghoon gifted you a new camera, after the one Jungwon got you finally broke down after years. You'd cried so hard that day, because it had felt like growing up.

The charger is still hidden under all the mess of receipts in your comforter's drawer, you still hope one day the pink sticker covered camera will turn on if you charge it long enough.

But some things are meant to stay in the past, and better ones are always hiding behind the corner, ready to come your way.

You aren't the young girl with the pink polaroid camera anymore, just like you're not the girl that is scared to voice her thoughts and troubles any longer.

"Of course I have."

"And?"

"Won, he just tells me I need more prep. I've had plenty of that, trust me. Like, he's spent the last month using this toy on—"

"Okay, okay I get it. I trust you, spare me the details."

"—Point is, I'm more than ready. I know it's gonna be uncomfortable and a bit painful at first, he's like… so huge it's—"

"I get it."

"—but that's a given with how big he is. I think it's just… him being nervous, really."

"Have you… tried to, uhm. Take charge? Maybe you calling the shots would make it easier for him to let loose." Jungwon looks down on his lap as he plays with the rings adorning his fingers. You wouldn't say he has ever been particularly shy per se, not when it comes to discussing your sexual life, even in heavy detail. He was the boy your mother made you take a bath with after a whole day of rolling around in dirt as a kid, because his wasn't around a lot of the time. The same boy who has seen you toothless and with horrible haircuts, who has seen all your embarrassing phases. Talking to Jungwon was much more akin to talking to yourself rather than venting to a diary, because he stored secrets in his heart that you would never be comfortable writing down on paper. Except he also calls you a dumbass when he needs to.

It's been a little different ever since you started dating Sunghoon freshly out of college, but you imagine it can't be helped since Jungwon is also very close to him.

You take a deep breath, shoulders slumping with the motion. Yeah, like that would ever work. "He doesn't give up dominance ever, really. I have tried a few times but…" you trail off, thoughts suddenly plagued with images of Sunghoon putting you back in your place instantly whenever you tried to take charge. You have already given it some thought, a lot of thought, actually. What wouldn't you do to have Sunghoon under you and at your mercy, so responsive to every touch, perhaps even tied down. Yeah, you're gonna have to bring it up more seriously to him, maybe then he would let you—

"Are you seriously fantasizing about dominating your boyfriend right in front of my cheddar fries?"

But you're gonna continue that thought another time.

"Let's see then…" Jungwon continues, evidently determined to find a solution to your problem. "Maybe act out? Would that work? Mhhh… I don't know, you're already very annoying day to day and he puts up with that…so."

Jungwon genuinely looks like he is putting so much thought into it, somehow it makes it more offensive.

"Yeah. And who grew up next to him? You. Exactly. You trained his patience, if anything," you retort, but Jungwon doesn't even give you the satisfaction of acknowledging it, because you both know that you do love to be a nuisance to your boyfriend whenever you get the chance.

"Wait." Jungwon perks up after a seconds of deep thought, making the plushies on your bed fall on the floor, but the situation is so dire that you don't scold him. Instead, you cast a hopeful glance in his direction. Please let his brain cells work for once in his life.

"Isn't Hoon like, terribly jealous every time someone brings up that time you and Jay dated in high school?"

The cogs in your brain turn, and if someone was to walk into the room at that moment they would be able to smell the fumes coming out of your and Jungwon's head.

Jungwon continues, though he doesn't need to, because you have caught what he is hinting to already. "You need him to snap? What better reason to if not some good ol' jealousy. Am I right?"

But of course he is, that little gremlin genius.

"And, it just happens that a few high school acquaintances are organizing a get together soon. You know people will bring up you and Jay, just drag Hoon along. It's fate."

"Have I ever told you that you're my bestest friend ever and that I owe you my life, Won?"

Your plan is not working out as expected.

Getting everyone on board took you and Jungwon some time, but they all eventually agreed to come along. Sunghoon himself was the one with the most reservations, since he moved away halfway through high school and he missed a good chunk of it. Most importantly, he missed how you and the others became friends in the first place, so he's always been a little bitter about it.

Calling it a plan was an overstatement. You wore a skimpy little outfit, black miniskirt and sheer thighs, and bet on someone bringing up how you and Jay used to date in front of Sunghoon. You hoped that would make him jealous enough to grab you and drag you home, maybe teach you a lesson that you would inevitably learn nothing from.

Instead, you get sulky Sunghoon with a beer in his hand, looking at you like a kicked puppy as you and Jay make conversation with your old acquaintances. It doesn't help that Jungwon refuses to pick up his phone so you two can come up with something quick to stir the night towards your desired outcome.

The call goes into voicemail again, and you sigh for the hundredth time that night as you end it and open up his chat to type in another text.

"No answer yet?" Jay asks, smoothing his pink dress shirt. He's always the classier looking guy in the room, no matter where he goes, but the hue of pink he chose for the night makes him stand out further in the sea of swarming bodies.

You shake your head. You're in a quieter corner, away from the thumping speakers, but your throat is sore after all the screaming you did over the deafening music. You thought you would get used to the volume when a few of the people at the reunion suggested moving to a club across the street to end the night with a bang, just like the old times, but it somehow got progressively worse instead.

From your side, Jake puts two fingers in his mouth and whistles to catch someone's attention, and when it doesn't work, Jay laughs at him.

"Sunghoon looks bored, I think we should call it a night," Jay says.

"Bored? He looks like he's gonna murder the next poor soul that steps too close to Y\N," Jake takes a swing of the drink he's holding, something that looks like aged whiskey. Very much unlike anything Jake would order. He hisses after the liquid burns his throat, even when diluted by the melted ice. "Jay, my man, your taste is so ass."

You give the interaction a half hearted laugh. Despite your original plan, you hate seeing Sunghoon so uncomfortable, especially when you know he only came along to make you happy. He insists he doesn't belong surrounded by people who pretend to remember who he is and keep bringing up stuff that happened in the past expecting a glint of recognition from him. You tell him there are multiple people with a similar experience to his even when they attended all years, you tell him he belongs anywhere as long as you and the other guys are there. He tells you those are the people that don't get invited to these sort of events.

"It's getting late anyway, maybe we should just go," you say, checking your notification bar for any sign of life from Jungwon. Still nothing.

"I'll go get Won." Jake throws back the remaining drink, scrunching his eyes and hissing at the bitter taste he still isn't accustomed to.

You take a second to scan your surroundings, and the swaying mass of sweaty bodies makes you nauseous. You used to love getting rocked back and forth by the music, uncaring for a single thing in the world if not the overwhelming love you felt for everyone and everything around you when alcohol buzzed through your system. When you were younger, it felt like ibuprofen for your soul. Now, it only amplifies the hurt in your chest when you think about how heavy this night must have been for your boyfriend.

Before you can make your way to him, someone grabs your attention.

"Jay! And you over there, it's been a while."

You instinctively turn towards the loud voice, finding a vaguely familiar face cockily grinning in your direction.

"She has a name." Jay takes a deep breath and gives you a look, his jaw tense, and that alone is enough to let you know right away the guy in front of you is nothing but trouble.

The guy continues as if you weren't even there to listen to the conversation. A ghost. "Doesn't matter, being your girlfriend is all she was known for back then." He takes a swing of his beer, taste as bitter as his voice. He's very obviously drunk out of his mind, words slurring and step unsteady, but his words annoy you anyway.

"Excuse m—" you try to interject, but he speaks right over you.

"You two back together?"

Jay looks like he's seconds away from punching him, but you simply shake your head no. "Oh! No, and I'm not single actually. My boyfriend's here—" you turn around to look for Sunghoon where you last saw him, and beam when you find him right as he walks up to you. His shoulders relax just the tiniest bit when he notices how relieved you look when you meet his gaze, the way you reserve that look to him only, the way you light up as soon as you spot him. "There he is! Perfect timing, baby."

Sunghoon slides a hand around your waist possessively, placing a soft kiss to your temple to really get the point across. "I was looking for you."

Truth is, he wasn't. He had his eyes on you the entire time, but you were playing with your rings and kept readjusting your clothes as the conversation was unfolding, and Jay looked uneasy too, so he figured nothing good was being said.

"Yeah, sorry! Just catching up with friends from back in the day. Y'know, reminiscing and stuff. Have you seen Won around?" You want to diffuse the situation before the idiot in front of you says anything he might regret. You want Hoon to be a little jealous, not for him to get you all kicked out of a party because someone decided to run their mouth a little too much. Your hand finds his exposed biceps, and it looks like he made the right choice by stepping in, because now that he is all up in your space, you're visibly more comfortable.

Sunghoon shakes his head. Last time he caught a sight of Jungwon in the crowded space was when the night had barely started, and he wore a cowboy hat as he shoved his tongue down some girl's throat. Good for him. "He's probably… catching up with acquaintances too."

You look like you are about to say something, but the nameless guy interrupts you before you get a single word out. It gives Sunghoon all the more reason to dislike him, even before he listens to what he has to says. "And you are? I don't recall seeing you around."

"Oh! Hoon just moved to a different school halfway through high school, but we're all friends," Jay replies instead, familiar with his best friend's feelings about his high school years.

"Then why is he here?"

Sunghoon's jaw clenches. You squeeze his arm as if to remind him you are next to him, and he melts instantly into your touch.

"I'm here because my girl and my friends are. Now if you'd be so kind, we are trying to have a nice night, and you're interfering with that." Sunghoon turns around, holding you against his chest as he starts to make his way to the bar to grab another beer.

"Yeah? You know your friend and your girl used to fuck? Maybe they still do."

Sunghoon was raised to be a patient man. One that counts to ten before reacting, a man who wouldn't even hurt a fly. So it must be the alcohol fueling his actions, because before he realizes what he is doing, he grabs the guy by his shirt, knuckles white as a ghost making the material wrinkle in his hold. "What the fuck did you just say?"

Sunghoon knows he is being provoked, but not even Jay trying to step between them can do anything to calm his anger, not when the poor bastard spits on his shirt, then says something that he really shouldn't have.

"I mean look at her." The man laughs, and it's bitter, filled with something more sinister than mere disgust. It's envy. "Are you surprised? She's dressed like a whore."

Sunghoon moves before you have the time to grab him, right fist colliding with so much force against the man's face, his lip breaks on contact. He wobbles a bit, hit taking him by surprise, but he just gathers the blood dripping inside his mouth and spits it by Sunghoon's feet.

"Hey! Hey." Jay grabs the guy's arm, roughly yanking him back as a crowd of people starts to notice the commotion, heading to take a look at what's happening, a few bodyguards included.

"So tough," the man starts a laughs interrupted by winching when his broken lip curls too much. "Take that out on your so called friend—"

Your voice drowns out the rest of the sentence. "Baby, please."

Sunghoon looks at you, and for a second you doubt he sees you. There's so much anger in his eyes, like he wants nothing more than to rip the little bitch in front of him to pieces. They're almost unfamiliar in a way that send shivers down your spine. You hate the fact that you can't tell if it's fear or lust. But the storm behind his gaze clears out for a second when he sees the alarm on your pretty face, just the one you need. "I wanna go home."

No matter the anger coursing through Sunghoon's bloodstream like venom, thick black poison inciting him to turn back and finish the job, his conscience always prioritizes your well being and what you want. So when you take his hand a make a beeline for the exit, he follows without a single complaint.

The car ride back home is uncomfortably silent.

Sunghoon doesn't hum the random tune playing on the radio like he usually does, he doesn't hold your thigh nor does he even spare you a glance, and you start worrying he might be mad at you.

The words said about you earlier sting, but they don't hold a candle next to Sunghoon's silence. You want to speak up, fill the void that is so uncharacteristically awkward, but the words die in your throat the second you try to push them out.

A ding! followed by your phone screen lighting up signals a new notification, and you swipe through your phone to find out if Jungwon has finally made his existence known.

It's a text from Jay. You notice how Sunghoon's eyes dart to your phone for a split second before going back to focusing on the road ahead, his jaw twitching under the street lights.

00:27 AM. Jongie <3: You guys made it home yet?

00:28 AM. you: not yet, you? did you find the others?

Last thing you heard as you dragged Sunghoon out of the club was Jay arguing with both the still nameless guy and two bodyguards who had been notified of commotion next to the bar. Your main goal was to get your boyfriend the hell out of there before he broke someone's face in, but now that you're away from the mess and the dizziness from the alcohol has started to die down, leaving your muscles and bones tired, you worry for your friends too.

00:29 AM. Jongie <3: Heading back now, Jake texted me he found Won.

00:29 AM. Jongie <3: Wasted, ofc. But apparently Jake's taking care of him now.

00:31 AM. you: don't know if i like the sound of that. will they ever let us back in there?

00:33 AM. Jongie <3: Yeah no chance, Won won't be happy when he finds out.

00:35 AM. you: how did him and jake even get home?

You lock your phone for good after Jay confirms Jake mumbled something about a really nice girl with a great rack driving them home, deciding you'll deal with their bullshit another day, when you're completely sober and not worried about what your unusually silent boyfriend might be thinking.

Just in time for Sunghoon to pull into his driveway. He doesn't remind you to take your bag with you as he always does, he doesn't wait for you to be out of the car before heading straight towards his front door. Truth be told, you're more shocked he didn't just drop you off at your own apartment because now you're really sure he must be upset with you.

It's dumb, really. What that guy said is anything but your fault. But your panicked mind makes up scenarios in which Sunghoon knows you wanted to make him jealous, wanted to get a reaction out of him for something as silly as getting him to properly fuck you. It convinces you he has every right to be upset.

His hand twitches in pain for a second while unlocking the door, dried blood—both his and not—staining his pristine knuckles, and it only aids in making you feel worse. You follow him through the entrance, and he waits for you to walk inside before locking the door for the night. It's now or never.

It takes all the courage you can find within yourself to speak, and still your voice comes out uneven, shaky, things your voice has never been when talking to Park Sunghoon. "I'm really, really sorry."

He turns back to you like you just said the most shocking sentence he's ever heard in his life, and he quickly grabs you by your hips when he notices just how scared you look. He quickly realizes you must've mistaken his silent attempt at calming down his anger at the situation for coldness towards you for some reason, and his heart breaks a little at the thought of having made you doubt yourself. When he answers, it's the softest you've ever heard him. "What for, pretty girl?"

Tears well in your eyes when you fail to find the words. You're sorry for so many things, you don't even know where to start. You're sorry for dragging him somewhere he didn't even wanna be in the first place, sorry for taking advantage of his kindness for your own benefit, you're sorry his knuckles are raw and bloodied just because he had to defend you. Above all, you're sorry for being so damn selfish.

Sunghoon carefully caresses your face with his clean hand, so none of that bastard's blood goes anywhere near your pretty features. His thumb swipes across your bottom lip like it's second nature, silently waiting for you to say what's on your mind. He searches your gaze, but you're too busy trying to not burst into tears right there in front of him, so he lowers his hand to your jaw and gently angles your head upwards.

His eyes are kind and warm, no hint of the searing coldness they held mere minutes ago. "None of what happened today is your fault," he speaks slowly, sincerely. He makes sure every single word leaving his lips is loud and clear, no room for misunderstanding or doubt. Sunghoon is smart, he knows you like no one ever has put in the effort to. "I'm sorry if I made you doubt yourself back there, I should've said something. I'm sorry." He sounds secure and confident in what he's saying, but the little unsteady breath and the sharp swallow that come right after betray him. His hand slightly trembles on your skin, and it makes your heart sink even more.

Something else to add to the list. You're also sorry for making Sunghoon feel guilty over your emotions when he never did anything wrong to begin with.

You still struggle to speak, especially when Sunghoon is looking into your eyes as one would towards the light shining through the water surface after holding their breath in far too long, like it means being able to breathe again. There's a devotion in him you've never seen, something actors on a stage cannot replicate, something you don't think words to describe it have been spoken out yet. Something purely unique to you and him.

When your words fail you, you show him your own devotion in a different way.

There's a medication kit Sunghoon got forever ago solely to patch up Jake and Won whenever their Jake and Won antics get them hurt (very often, comically often). Never in your life would you have imagined Sunghoon to be on the receiving end of the care, but here you are.

Sunghoon follows you wordlessly to the couch, giving no protest when you point to sit down while you take your spot next to him.

The saline stings as you carefully clean the wound, but Sunghoon makes no show of it. You finally have a reason to look at somethings else other than his eyes as you gather your thoughts, but he doesn't lose sight of the frown deepening on your face.

Sunghoon watches you intently through his now messy bangs as you hold his bigger hand in yours as if it were made out of the most precious, frail glass. His fingers are way thicker than yours are, but you brush against his knuckles with the cotton just as softly as he kisses your forehead seconds before you let yourself be taken by slumber in his arms every night. He sees all the expressions fluttering on your face, he gives you the time he knows you need. He knows there's something you need to get off your chest.

When the blood stains the cotton instead of his skin, you speak up, "Does it hurt?"

Sunghoon hums in disagreement, the sound dry in his throat. You press into the raw skin a little harder, earning a low hiss from him. "Don't lie to me. We don't lie to each other."

"We don't, but you're hiding something from me." He stops before continuing, his voice a mere whisper, "what's wrong?"

"You got hurt because of me."

"That's not—"

"Yes you did." And once the river of words tumbling out of your mouth starts, it can't be stopped any longer. "I know how you feel about high school and—"

"It's not that—"

"But it is. I don't care if it was five years ago or ten or fifteen, I know you feel a certain way about it and don't lie to me to spare my feelings because it makes me only feel worse. You feel a way about it and I still went out of my way to take advantage of it for such a stupid reason and now I feel like a fucking idiot. And it also got you hurt."

"Baby," Sunghoon says after a moment of quiet, only filled by your heavy breathing. "Hey."

You busy yourself by grabbing the gauze in the little med kit next to you, but you make the mistake of glancing at him for a second, and the little smile dancing on his lips keeps your eyes glued to the sight.

"It's only a few scratches. What's all this really about?"

"I just… fuck, I'm never living this down." You stretch the white bandage over Sunghoon's wound, wrapping it a few times to fully secure it. You take a deep breath, buying yourself more time by inspecting your boyfriend's fingers like they're the most interesting thing you've ever seen in your life. He playfully taps his index against your palm. It makes you smile despite your best efforts not to. "I just wanted to make you jealous."

You say it so quietly even Sunghoon, barely inches away from you, almost misses it. Almost, because you hear the teasing in his tone loud and clear. "Jealous?"

Cat's out of the bag anyway, so you might as well explain yourself. "Before you say anything, Won gave me the idea."

"Of course."

"I just, y'know. Best friend stuff," you say, as if it's the answer to everything.

"Best friend stuff… as in?" Sunghoon keeps prodding, and the faint smile you hear as he speaks without having to take a look at him simultaneously makes you want to grin and roll your eyes at him. You bite your inner cheek instead.

"As in… complaining about my boyfriend…"

"Oh, you must have so much to complain about."

"Well, for starters, my boyfriend doesn't want to fuck me—"

Sunghoon erupts in a fits of boyish giggles when he finally figures out what's going on, delighted to see how embarrassed you are by this whole ordeal. He grabs you by your hips and sits you right on top of his lap so suddenly you let out a little shriek of surprise. "Trust me, your boyfriend would love nothing more than to fuck you through the mattress."

Your hands rest on his shoulders, and you lower your chest against his, noses brushing each other. "Then what's stopping him?"

Sunghoon's warm breath tickles your lips when he whispers, "Maybe he thinks your pretty little pussy can't take it yet."

A warm feeling travels through your body, settling into your lower abdomen, and just when you think he's gonna kiss you, he pulls back and rests his back on the cushion behind him, sinking further into the soft couch and pulling you down with him.

"Hoon—"

"Mh-mh. You haven't told me what Won's idea was yet."

"You know it." You raise your hand to playfully hit his chest, but he's faster than you are and catches your wrist midway with his injured hand.

"I don't know a damn thing," Sunghoon says as he brings his lips to the back of your hand, letting them brush gently against your soft skin before placing a small peck. "Go on, enlighten me."

You pout, but Sunghoon's set on making you talk, and even though you're stubborn and embarrassed, you know he won't let it go until he's satisfied with your response.

And, the slowly growing hardness under your exposed panties, combined with the residuals of alcohol still buzzing through your system are making it hard for you to stand your ground. Not when Sunghoon looks as good as he does with his bangs messily covering his eyes, and fitted short sleeve highlighting his hard chest underneath the cotton. Unfortunately for you.

You move on his lap, adjusting your position so you can feel more of him through the thin material covering you. You crave the harsh coarseness of his jeans on you, for the heat seeping out of him to envelope you fully. You're on top of him, thighs straddling his, yet you feel the invisible push to be even closer. As close as you physically can be.

Sunghoon sees the hunger in your eyes, he has all this time. He too is barely hanging on by a thread, and the self restraint he's miraculously managed to keep until now is dwindling by the second. All the times you've begged for him, all the times he's fucked your pretty pussy open with different toys, bigger and thicker each time. All the times he's had to take cold showers after seeing the raw need for him to claim you fully reflected in your eyes, even after coaxing orgasm after of orgasm out of you. You're so insatiable, but he might be even worse. Once he gives in, he doesn't think he'll be able to let you go ever.

Sunghoon knows you've felt ready for a long time, and even if he thinks you could use more getting used to bigger sizes before he allows himself to finally sink into you, the temptation gnaws at him all the same.

He just needs a little confirmation.

"Tell me, what was this master plan of yours?" he speaks with his mouth pressed to your palm, softly running his nose down to your wrist, allowing himself to bask in the warmness of the scent you chose for the night.

"Won's, not mine."

"That you willingly agreed to."

"I just… wanted to make you jealous." You finally admit, avoiding Sunghoon's gaze at all costs.

"How so? Wearing this tiny little dress?" His voice is lower, more dangerous. He slides his free hand to grab a handful of your barely covered ass, the skirt having ridden up to your waist almost completely. "You know I like it when the attention's on you. They can look all they want, you're mine." The movement causes you to jerk up against his crotch, earning a low grunt from the man beneath you.

"Tell me, baby," Sunghoon rocks you slowly against his hard bulge, caging his bottom lip between his teeth as he takes in your needy and embarrassed form. "How did you plan to make me jealous? Why?"

Your hand slides down his chest and dips under the thin shirt before caressing just over the waistband of his underwear peeking out of the dark jeans. "I thought it would be a smart idea to drag you along to the get together, and I guess I hoped someone would bring me and Jay up. I know how you feel about it and I wanted to use it to my advantage, but I also didn't consider how you'd feel surrounded by strangers reminding you of all the time you and the guys lost. All the time we lost. You came to make me happy and I was being selfish the entire time. You even got hurt because of me—"

"Not because of you. He should be thankful you were there to stop me or I would've broken his ugly face in."

"Still. I'm so sorry. It was childish."

A beat passes without either of you saying anything, and you twitch uncomfortably in his lap.

"Why?"

Your lip trembles, and your heart sinks at the thought of having angered your angel of a boyfriend. Tears well up in your eyes before you even attempt to explain yourself, but Sunghoon gently angles your chin toward him until you're met with his gaze. It's intense, darker than you've ever seen in all your time knowing him. He searches your face for something, and you realize it's not anger casting shadows behind his eyes. It's pure, unfiltered lust.

"Why did you want me jealous?" His voice is raw, like it pains him to produce a single sound, like whatever you answer him with is the honey that will soothe it.

You twitch again, and this time you're not scared, but your insides twist all the same. He rest heavy and hot under you, and you don't know how you'll handle another rejection if that's what this is leading to.

"I wanted you to fuck me, really fuck me. I hoped it would be enough to push you to the breaking point, Sunghoon.“ You swallow hard, and the saliva in your mouth feels thicker than usual. Maybe it is, maybe you're just more aware of all the sensations within your body. "I need you to break."

It's all Sunghoon needs to hear.

He lurches forward to capture your lips with his, harsh and messy, like an animal that has finally broken out of the restraint keeping it chained. His hands roam all over your body, eager to explore every single inch as if it's the first time he ever does.

You reciprocate him with just as much hunger behind every movement, hands slipping from his body to his hair to pull his head back. You grind your hips against his, moves deliberately slow compared to the feverish kiss. "I need you. I don't wanna wait anymore."

Sunghoon moans into your mouth when you release his hair, and he doubles his efforts, sliding his fingers through the wide gaps of the fishnets covering your thighs, big palms fully working you on top of his bulge.

"You want it so bad, baby?" He says between open mouthed kisses, full lips raw and red from the fight with yours. "I'm gonna give it all to you."

Uncaring for the mess of knocked over stuff you two leave in your wake, from Sunghoon's keys loudly hitting the ground to your heels abandoned somewhere on the carpet, you make your way to his room without ever letting go of each other. All around you is just background noise and things you'll think of later, the only thing that seems to matter is to get in bed and get rid of all the pent up frustration clouding your minds.

The door shuts closed and soon your back hits the bed with a soft thud, Sunghoon's hands heavy on your hips and mouth hot on your neck as he carves a wet path on your sensitive skin, caging you between his hard chest and the mattress. He wraps your leg around his middle, and when your cores touch again, you both sigh in relief.

You've spent all this time on the cusp of finally getting something more, waiting—albeit not so patiently on your part—for the right moment, and now that you both know you're just moments away from it, seconds seem to stretch out into hours and even the slightest teasing feels unbearable.

That's what you think, at least. Because Sunghoon is nothing but a tease at heart, and he has very different plans in store for you.

You take advantage of the little moment of pause to undress yourself, but Sunghoon stops you as soon as he notices what you're trying to do.

"Keep it on," he murmurs along your neck, feeling your pulse quicken right under his full lips. He kisses along your collarbones, to your shoulder, exactly where the strap of your dress rests. His teeth graze the material, and he draws back slightly before letting it snap back into place, the slight sting making you jump just the tiniest bit in his hold. "You wanted to make me jealous in this? Then I'll fuck you in it." He mouths his way back up, until he reaches your ear, teeth gently biting right where he knows it makes shivers spread all over your body. "Next time you wear it, my cock is all you'll be able to think about."

You can't hide the way your body reacts to his words, thighs pressing together from the sheer excitement.

Sunghoon toys with the strings of your fishnets, and for a moment you think you should take them off, but he just rips a hole through them, allowing his hand to finally slide underneath them and grab your ass as harshly as he wants. "These were getting on my nerves."

"I can take them—"

Sunghoon silences you with a kiss, slower than the previous one, calculated and meticulous but every bit as passionate. His teeth sink into your bottom lip until you gasp against his mouth, his tongue gently licking away at your lip to soothe the sting. He pulls your core closer to his, unabashedly moaning into your mouth as he ruts his hips into yours.

The tights start to frustrate you the more he works himself against your panties. You want to be closer, you need to feel him push against you completely, and they're in the way. So once again, you try to rid yourself of them.

Sunghoon keeps you still. "These stay on until I tell you to take them off." His tone is commanding, but not abrasive, muffled by your skin. "Understood?"

You barely nod when suddenly he's bending you at his will like you're his to drag around as he pleases, and while usually you would've fought back just for the sake of it, you play nice this time, doing anything to not have him changes his mind and leave you hanging once again.

He sets you on your knees, facing the headboard of his king sized bed, a sturdy and thick thing, wood carved with elegant loops and twirls all around the edges. They gleam and cast shadows alike when Sunghoon reaches over you to turn on the bedside lamp.

The same hand steadies your hip as he lowers himself onto you, pressing his chest to your back and littering kisses from your temple to your neck. "Aren't you such a cute little thing?" he whispers into your ear, chucking when he feels you shudder under his weight. "So needy and desperate, making up plans just to have my cock in your tight pussy." He's so big, so warm. So strong. It makes your knees weak, and you would crumble on the soft mattress if not for his large hand keeping you still. "Should've just come to me right away, should've begged for my cock like the good girl I know you can be." His other hand starts to travel down your body, and your thighs instinctively spread open to accommodate him.

Pride blooms in Sunghoon's heart. You're so pliant for him, sweetly allowing him to touch you all over, your body responding so well to his slightest touch, to his softest word. The trust you have in him makes his cock harder in his pants, but he's always been a patient man. A man that enjoys taking his time playing with his meal before sinking his teeth into it.

That, and you still have a lesson to learn. "But you've been bad, so bad." He bites your earlobe as his fingers hook onto one of the little holes in your tights, right over your throbbing core, so needy and ready to be claimed by him. You hear a loud rip before you realize what's going on.

His fingers immediately find your panties, slick and stuck to your drooling lips, and he starts touching you over them like all the teasing he's subjected you to until then isn't enough to satisfy him. "You'll make it up to me, yeah? You'll make me proud and happy." He licks along the shell of your ear, and your thighs shake, spreading open once more to coax him into touching you better. "I'll only fuck you when I'm satisfied with how sorry you are."

"Hoon—"

"Don't worry, baby." His fingers dip under the fabric, finally really touching you for the first time that night. He slides two fingers between your lips to coat them in your juices as he keeps talking to you in a tone that almost seems belittling, the pout in his voice too heavy and pronounced for it to be honest. "I'll make it worth it. All the time we waited will be worth it. I just have to get you nice and ready, dripping for me."

You have half a mind to turn around and fight him, because you don't understand how you could physically get wetter even if you wanted to be patient and take it. "I'm already wet," you say, and it comes out a little harsher than you intend for it to.

"Look at you," Sunghoon mocks you, the bite in your response only making him chuckle lowly in your ear, the vibrations from the sound make wetness pool on his digits, much to his amusement. "Can't keep the brattiness in check even when you should feel sorry. How can I take your apologies seriously?"

You open your mouth to answer, but his fingers pinch your clit before you get a single word out, replaced by a shriek that sounds something right in between pleasure and pain.

"Less talking." Sunghoon doesn't stop or lessen his touch on your poor sensitive bundle of nerves. Instead, he rolls it between his fingers, coaxing loud moans out of you with every single movement. "More of this."

The bed creaks under Sunghoon's knees as he detaches from your already quivering form and gets up to grab something. You complain with a little whine at the sudden loss, but just a quick glance in his direction tells you to stay still and be patient.

"Where's your phone?" Sunghoon asks. It sounds a lot more like an order.

"My… huh? My phone?"

"Your phone. Where is it?"

You gawk at him for a second, still in the same position despite the dull ache in your knees slowly but surely setting in, your mouth agape as you try to rack your brain for an explanation as to why the fuck Sunghoon needs your phone since he doesn't seem to be planning on offering you one. "In my bag. On the couch, I think."

It's only a few seconds before your boyfriend returns with your phone in his hand, and throws it carelessly on the bed next to you. He returns to his previous position, the warmth radiating from his body soothing you even when you don't know what to expect next.

You'd be lying if you said you don't enjoy this stricter version of your ever so loving and doting boyfriend, thighs clenching at the thought of the danger lurking behind his sweet demeanor.

"Unlock your phone and open Jay's chat." Sunghoon's calm facade is completely gone, replaced by pure fire.

"What?"

"You heard me." His grip on your thighs tightens, possessive and angry. "You're gonna open Jay's chat and record while I fuck your pussy with my fingers, and you'll have him hear how good I make you feel."

You're breathless, adrenaline pumping through your system and ears ringing at the thought of doing something so obscene, with one of your best friends on the other end of it no less. "Hoon, Jay didn't have anything to do with this… we shouldn't—"

"I don't care." Sunghoon bites your neck, sharp canines poking you just enough to elicit a gasp out of you. "You'll do as I say and tell him you won't ever go back."

He sounds so possessive, so unlike any version of him you have experienced, and just this little taste has you obsessed. You love the soft spoken, big sweetheart he always is, and you love the sleeping beast hidden just beneath the surface too. You love the anticipation of what's to come, not knowing which side of Sunghoon you're gonna get.

Your hand trembles as you reach for the phone, his is sure and steady as it makes its descent down to your wet pussy again. Sunghoon takes his time, letting his fingers ghost on your thighs for a little before sliding the panties off of you. You hear him moan behind you, and you're glad you don't get to see what you suspect is him licking off the wetness off the fabric he just rid you of. That would be way too much for you in the moment, you think.

The Jongie <3 contact in your favorites section seems so silly now that you're mere seconds away from letting him hear how your boyfriend fucks you, so you take a few deep breaths in preparation. As if sensing your hesitation, Sunghoon quickly places a gentle kiss to your temple, and just like that, he's back to his caring self. "You said you're sorry, baby. You should show me, but you don't have to."

You press the voice message recording button moments later, heart thrumming loudly in your ears as you slide your finger up so it keeps recording hands free.

"Such a brave girl. So, so good for me." Sunghoon praises you, and it soothes some of the anxiety you feel, his tone thick and sweet as honey, you barely recognize it as the same one that was giving you harsh commands earlier.

The downright filthy sound of Sunghoon's digits spreading your pussy lips open has you cowering in embarrassment, but your boyfriend doesn't care. He needs Jay to hear how absolutely soaked you are. He wastes no time, pushing in three fingers inside you.

Your mouth is hung open in a silent moan, eyebrows knit together and eyes closed, taking a moment to adjust to the sudden sensation. It stings, even when you're so wet it's dripping down your thighs by now, but his fingers are so long and thick the initial stretch is always uncomfortable, despite all the training.

Sunghoon doesn't like that, so he gives you no time, no warning, and just starts pumping in and out of you, curling the tips just like he does when you're about to cum and need the tiniest push. He's unfair, so unfair, because how are you supposed to keep your sounds down like you planned to when he's finger fucking you like it's his life mission to have you come undone in record time?

You don't know if it's an ego thing, or he just wants to make your punishment that much harder. It must be both, because within seconds you're moaning and gasping out in pleasure for him and Jay so beautifully, really putting on a show for the both of them. But it's so hard to focus and remember what you're supposed to say, and the longer the voice message is, the more mortified you'll be in the morning.

For now, satisfying Sunghoon's thirst for punishment and placating the jealousy you yourself caused is your top priority. You'll think about the consequences another time.

"Aren't you gonna say hi? Where are your manners?" Sunghoon's mouth drops to your ear, the movement of his fingers inside of your cunt relentless and not giving you a single second to breathe properly. It doesn't matter to him, how much harder he's making for you to accomplish your task. He basks in it, even. He's proud of how just his fingers are enough to turn you dumb with pleasure.

"I—mh," you try your best to muffle the moans cascading from your lips, to no avail. Even if you managed to do so, the incredibly loud squelching noises in the background would betray you.

"Need a hand?" he laughs dryly, and you feel the faint presence of a fourth finger next to the other three, waiting to slide in and stretch you open further.

"Hoon!" you gasp in surprise.

"That's right, baby. That's who you belong to. Tell Jay."

"I—I belong to—Hoon! I can't!"

His fourth digit keeps prodding around to find a possible entrance, but you're already so full you think any more would actually break you. "How do you plan to let me fuck you, then?"

He's teasing you. You both know you can and you will. It's just a matter of taking it slowly. His finger is suddenly not trying to inch inside you anymore, despite how lost you both are in the moment, your comfort comes first always. It just means Sunghoon will find another way.

He speaks lowly against your ear, but it's enough for your phone to pick it up clearly, "Once I'll split you open on my cock like you've been begging for, nothing else will ever satisfy you. No one else will. Once I claim your little hole, it's mine. Jay's seen how big I am. He knows it too. Tell him whose pussy I'm about to split open."

"Mine." You gasp at a particularly harsh thrust.

"No. Mine." The sheer command in his voice makes you clench even more around his fingers, as if the fit isn't already tight enough. "Try again."

"Yours! It's yours."

"Good fucking girl." He moans against you, his hot breath rising goose bumps all over your skin. "Tell him you'll never go back to him," he adds after a moment, quieter.

The pace he is fingering you at slows down just enough so you can actually get a coherent sentence out, and you're silently grateful for this little show of mercifulness on Sunghoon's part. If not for this, the voice mail would probably end up being an hour long.

"I'll never—mh. Go back to you."

"Good. So good. Now tell him how happy you are with me, happier than you ever were with him. Tell him you love me," he rasps, high on the reassurance you're providing him. High on how obedient you are for him.

"Love Hoon so much, I love him. I love him so so much. Hoon, please." You're a mess, dripping down onto the bedsheets and clamping around his fingers so hard any more would probably cut Sunghoon's blood flow. The more you grip him, the wider you spread your thighs to accommodate him, like you're silently begging for him to be harsher. He has half a mind to fulfill your body's wordless plea.

"Look at you, spreading your pretty legs for me. You like it when I talk to you like this? Does it make your little pussy wetter?"

You're so tight, so wet, and Sunghoon is so impossibly hard. He could cum right there just thinking about how good you'll feel wrapped around him, walls convulsing and milking him for all he's worth with every orgasm he gives you. For every orgasm you bless him with.

A sight for sore eyes, one Jay will never see nor hear. Because as soon as he can sense you climbing up your high, getting so close, your walls fluttering against his curled up digits in preparation and juices plentifully seeping out of you, he grabs your phone and ends the recording himself.

Sunghoon moves, and suddenly you miss the weight of his chest pressing into your back, but the pace of his fingers inside you slows down again. You wail as you feel the climax you were so close to dissipate, and suddenly you feel like invisible ropes are keeping your front tied to the bed. Your back gives in under the pressure, arching in ways that should be uncomfortable but it's the only outlet other than the plentiful sounds being pushed out of you your body has to ground itself in the midst of all the pleasure.

The loneliness your heart feels whenever he deprives you of his body heat for as much as a few seconds has tiny broken sobs and whines lurch out of your throat, but like every single time, Sunghoon is there to soothe you. "I know, baby, I know. Just let me help you feel good. Yeah?"

Even when you're supposedly being punished, he can't help but go a little easy on you, his gorgeous angel. His spoiled baby. But it's okay, because you did such a good job, listened and obeyed to his every command.

Sunghoon's warm breath tickles the skin of your bottom, and his nose brushes up from your mid thigh to your ass, giving you a playful yet gentle bite on the plushy skin. Air gets stuck in your throat in anticipation, but like every single thing he does, he takes his time in savoring all the moments leading up to finally get your sweet taste to coat his tongue like he's craved for this entire time.

You're twitchy and so responsive in his hold, and Sunghoon is enamored with the sight of your fluttering walls trying their best to suck his thick digits in even more. Greedy little cunt for a spoiled little girl. A perfect match.

He watches intently how you react to every single thrust of his fingers inside you, how your knees shake and body flops forward when he bends the tips in just the right direction when you least expect it. He pushes in deeper, and deeper, until you're gushing on his palm, your essence dripping down his wrist and a few droplets down to his elbow too. He registers your every moan, every beg for more, imprints all your sounds in his memory like they're the dearest ones he's ever made.

Sunghoon remembers all your reactions from times you'd consider unimportant, from the little moan when you first bite into anything he's cooked—whether you really like it not—to the way your leg bounces when following the rhythm of a song you said you despised because they played it on the radio too often, to the way your eyebrow twitches when he mentions a name you haven't heard before.

When you catch him with that sweet look in his eyes, staring at you with a toothy grin and canines peeking out, it's because he's watching you and storing everything in his mind, no matter how mundane, no matter how dumb, no matter how silly. It's a no brainer he'd do this in times like these too, even when he's witnessed you come undone under his gaze plenty of times, he doesn't want to miss a single one.

It's not really about learning what brings you pleasure faster and what prolongs it, he's familiar with all of that already, Sunghoon just happens to really enjoy watching you, even if you think it's the most embarrassing thing in the world.

So he does exactly that, inspects you carefully as he keeps fucking you open with his fingers, taking guesses about how hard or deep he should make his pumps, pride blooming in his chest—and cock throbbing in his pants—when you react exactly like he expects. While usually he watches you with a lovesick smile, the grin on his face and fiery glint behind his eyes are different now, hungrier and needier, but every bit as obsessed.

Because that's exactly what Sunghoon is, deeply and unashamedly obsessed with you.

He builds your orgasm up again, brick by brick, flick of his wrist by flick of his wrist, until you're quivering and shaking and begging him to not take it away this time.

"Please," you moan, hand clenching onto the bedsheets beside you so hard you'll be shocked if by the end there won't be a hole ripped in them. "I'm so close."

Sunghoon notices how you hold onto your orgasm, waiting for his approval. It makes his hips twitch forward involuntary, eager to please and eager to give you anything you want. "I got you baby, let go. Let me hear the pretty sounds you make when you cum for me."

It's all it takes for the coil in your stomach to completely snap, and the second your warm walls flutter around Sunghoon's fingers for the first time, you feel a sense of emptiness that lasts only a moment, before you're full again. It's not as thick, shorter but so much wetter, and through the thick fog clouding your mind as your body is overtaken by uncontrollable shivers spreading from your core to every extremity of your body, you realize he just replaced his fingers with his tongue.

Another lightning strike shoots right through you, head to feet, as Sunghoon keeps fucking you through your orgasm with his tongue. You're still fluttering around it and releasing all of your juices right into his awaiting mouth when the ringing in your ears slowly fades, replaced by the downright obscene sounds of Sunghoon slurping up all he can get out of you. It's messy and nasty, the lower half of his face completely coated in your essence but he doesn't care. He wants more.

He moans into your pussy like he's the one being pleasured, and once that single second of bliss between fully coming down from an orgasm and overstimulation setting in goes by, he pulls you in closer when you start moving too much. You're still too sensitive, but if Sunghoon thinks you're greedy, you have to realize he's even worse. Feeling the dull throbbing of your walls as you come around his tongue one time just isn't enough. If it were up to him, he'd have you wet his mouth again and again until you physically can't withstand any more. Until you're barely coherent and slipping into a peaceful sleep, completely tired out.

Sunghoon grabs a handful of your ass with his still dripping hand as he licks a stripe down from your hole into your lips, spreading them open with his tongue to find your clit, throbbing and raw from your previous orgasm. He rolls it between his lips, toys with it with his tongue, uncaring for the way your body pushes away from his mouth. After all the begging you did, you have no business running from it, if you ask him.

"Stay still," he growls into you, both of his hands tied together on your lower back as he fully pushes you down on the mattress with his strength, leaving you nowhere to go, nowhere to hide. He nuzzles his face into you, enveloping all he can get with his warm mouth, sighing and groaning contently with every bit of wetness you gush right on his tongue.

He explores every inch of you, every nook and cranny he can get into, cleaning you up with each lick and wetting you even more with every other. "So fucking good," he moans into you, dragging you back against him when you think you can't physically be closer, when the tip of his nose pushes into your hole and when the only way he has to breathe is through his mouth which is full of you. He pants and gasps against your cunt so much you fear he might suffocate himself just to not come up for air a single time.

Your own face is pushed against the bed, mouth biting down on the cotton fabric beneath you to ground yourself in the immense cloud of pleasure Sunghoon is giving you. He's so lost in your taste he doesn't even remind you to not muffle your sounds, the only thing in his mind is to have you come undone on his mouth once more.

Sunghoon knows he's close to his goal when your little pained whines start turning into longer, more drawn out moans, when you stop running away from his tongue and instead start thrusting yourself back into his hold, back into his mouth. All your senses are ablaze, nerve endings lit and confused but so pleased at the same time. You yourself don't know when the it stopped hurting and became that dull, impending feeling of almost there to something more that both maddens you and keeps you hooked, but you roll your hips anyway in search of just the little nudge in the right direction your body violently craves.

Like always, Sunghoon knows exactly what you need.

"Go on, baby. Touch your little clit for me." His voice is full and rich of that low gravel you barely get to hear, but that has tingles run down your body when you do. "Help me make you cum." Sunghoon lets his tongue run back up from your clit to your slit again, inching closer to your throbbing hole as you let a hand sneak under your body to your pussy, immediately finding your sensitive bundle of nerves.

You're so drenched by now you don't need to wet your hand before drawing circles all over it, dragging it in all the directions you know have your toes curl. Sunghoon likes it messy though, so he gathers a glob of spit and loudly releases it on your cunt, the position making it dribble down right where your hand is working to bring you closer to your peak.

The onslaught of wetness pooling down only adds to the already embarrassingly loud noises coming from your cunt, and you're so wet, your own fingers slip a few times. It doesn't help that your arm shakes under you even when pinned down by your entire body weight when Sunghoon shoves his entire tongue down your hole again, using both of his hands on your lower back to move you so you're fucking his muscle as if it were a toy. His nose drags on your perineum with every movement of your bottom half against his face, and under any other circumstance you'd be mortified, but Sunghoon has a way of soothing you in the most embarrassing situations without really having to do anything but be there with you, like nothing matters in the grand scheme of things when his body is heating yours.

You speed your movements up to match the pace he sets, and with every thrust of his tongue combined with every flick of your wrist, you feel the band in your lower tummy stretch and warm up, until your sight turns searing white and warmth envelops your body from your core to all your limbs in rhythmic waves, first every other second, and then gradually slowing down.

You release on Sunghoon's tongue, and he wastes no time, gulping down all he can manage to, moaning into your heat like he's tasting the most divine nectar. You can't see it as you're busy catching your breath and slowing down your heartbeat as the rush of pleasure dissipates into a calmer buzzing felt all over your body, but Sunghoon's eyebrows crease in the middle, his eyes closed as he commits the taste of your cum to his memory, right beside all the indecent bits of you he treasures in his mind.

Sunghoon pulls his tongue out of you, already missing the way you flutter against it when you come undone, and leaves a trail of pecks all over your bottom, first on the plush of your ass still kept up by his strong hold despite you having completely given up on keeping yourself upright long ago, then all over your thighs, switching from one to the other as he runs a reassuring hand all over your skin, wordlessly soothing you. His palms are big and thick on your thighs as he moves to wrap his hands to the front, steadying you one last time to capture your clit in a gentle suckle, just enough to have your body convulse in overstimulation, but too tired and spent to fight back.

He pulls off of you with a pop after hollowing his cheeks around it one last time. "Did so good for me, baby. You're so perfect."

Without Sunghoon's hands keeping you up, you slump on the bed, completely this time, groaning when the burn in your lower body fully sets in now that you can move it again. It's dull and persistent, and especially fiery right where Sunghoon's hands stayed locked for most of it.

"You okay, pretty? Was I too rough?" He sounds concerned when you take longer than usual to regain your strength, his hands immediately roaming all over your body to massage any sore spot. His touch is light like a breeze but welcome like the sun on a spring day, warming up all the knots in your muscles. The dangerous edge seems to have completely evaporated, only leaving your sweet boyfriend behind. In the moment, it's exactly what you need.

You give him a vague sound of approval in response, but you know it's not enough for him when he gently maneuvers your body around to face him, holding you so carefully one would think him scared of damaging you.

The warm light shining from the night stand casts shadows on his face, but the slight concern etched on his features is bright as day. It's an intimate moment, and you'd giggle because of the sheer difference in his behavior if you had the energy to do so. Instead, you reach for his hand. The same hand that held a bruising grip on you just moments before, the same hand that hit the man who disrespected you.

Sunghoon returns you touch right away, locking your fingers with his as if second nature. You place a featherlight kiss on them, allowing your lips to linger on his salty skin as you speak. "I'm great. Perfect even." It comes out a little raspy, like you haven't fully caught your breath yet, but it's a start.

"Yeah. You are."

"And you? You doing okay?"

Sunghoon gifts you one of his cannot-possibly-contain-it smiles, the ones where he looks down for a split second as his eyes crinkle and somehow smile wider than his lips do. Your favorite kind of Sunghoon Smiles you'd say in the moment, though if you were to compile a list they would all be in the number one spot.

"Perfect, even."

"Hey, that's my line—" you start, but Sunghoon finishes your sentence for you.

"—Don't steal it."

You hum, the taste of skin still on your lips as you bask in the moment for a little, neither of you daring to break the peaceful quiet that wraps like a fuzzy blanket around you. Sunghoon flinches just the tiniest bit when your fingers graze the bandaged scratches, making you ease up your hold on his hand. He immediately squeezes yours to tell you it's okay.

"You know," you say after you let the silence linger for a few more seconds, only your heartbeats and shallow breaths filling the air in the dimly lit room. "You look really hot when you're mad."

Fits of giggles pour in the almost nonexistent space between you—first Sunghoon's, yours following suit.

"I must look super hot when I'm jealous then," he says with that teasing edge in his tone you're all too familiar with. He dips down to catch your lips in a slow kiss, suckling on your bottom lip gently, the corners of his mouth still raised. He hasn't stopped smiling once.

"Absolutely," you say before Sunghoon pecks you again, and then keeps doing it as you try to continue. "And when you're happy—" another peck. "And when you're bored." Another peck. "And when you're—sorry if I say this but you look like a cute kicked puppy—sad.

"So you're gonna keep finding ways to make me jealous, I assume."

It's not meant to be a jab, you know he's being playful. But it stings you just in the right way, and suddenly you're in the passenger seat of Sunghoon's black Bentley again, worrying about having hurt his feelings past redemption.

Like all things you, Sunghoon catches it right away.

"Hey there, it's okay. I'm not upset, baby." Sunghoon's hands are secure around your hips, his thumb running soothing circles on your skin while your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer because it's simply never enough.

"You should be. You're too nice."

Sunghoon presses his lips on your fluttering lashes. "You being a little brat is nothing new. I think I know how to handle you pretty well, don't I?" His breath, minty but also vaguely bitter from the beer still, warms your cheekbone. Sunghoon's proximity to you is intoxicating in ways no amount of alcohol could ever be, and you hate beer, but god, what wouldn't you do to taste it off of his lips for the rest of your life.

Whoever is up there must be gracious because your prayers are answered the very next second, with Sunghoon ghosting his lips on yours, looking at you with tenfold the intensity and fire from earlier, like someone drenched the space behind his eyes with gasoline and lit it up without you noticing it. The switch is so sudden, and by now you should be used to this, but you don't think you ever will. Not when your boyfriend is looking at you like he might devour you whole any moment, and you'd let him. You'd love to let him.

"Act out all you want," Sunghoon says, voice dripping in possessiveness, right against your awaiting mouth. You want to swallow every last bit of it. "Go out there in short little skirts barely covering your ass. Make up all the silly plans you want, even ones where Jay's involved. Let everyone get a good look at you because that's all they'll ever fucking get." His hand reaches for your inner thigh, then folds it to give himself better access. His bulge is heavy and hard against your bare core, the weight of it enough to have you shiver and mewl, but when Sunghoon starts grinding his hips into yours, the noises spill out of you like you have no control over them. "At the end of the night, after you've had your fun, you'll always come back to me. In my bed, soaking my pants with your little pussy because you only get wet like this for me."

It's embarrassing how fast you feel like you could come again, but Sunghoon's hard thickness slides so perfectly over your folds even through the fabric, and the harshness of his jeans catches your clit every so often in such a delicious way. His pants are soaked through in your essence, both of you moaning and panting in each other's mouths so messily you don't even know if it could be classifies as a kiss or a mere exchange of spit.

"You're mine," Sunghoon rasps, like his life depends on it. He fumbles with his pants, depriving you of the mouth watering friction. You make a few noises of complaints, but his teeth are quick to sink into your bottom lip to silence them. "A spoiled little brat. But mine."

The heaviness of him finds your dripping core again, this time so much warmer, only his underwear separating your most sensitive parts from touching. It's the closest you've ever been to feeling his cock on you, and it's overwhelming. Electricity shocks run through your body when he starts moving his pelvis against you, completely coating the already damp material with the mix of your arousal and release. He's not unaffected—his own precum shows up right where the little slit in his tip is, the fabric of the boxers a darker shade of gray there.

"Mine to love, mine to discipline, mine to train. Mine." You don't know wether the hoarseness coming from his throat is due to the anything but proper activity you two are partaking in or simply the raw need for you to really let his words sink in, but the effect it has on you is clear. The proof is right where your cores meet.

You tentatively roll your hips into his, movements emboldening when you earn a few low grunts from him.

"This pussy is gonna be mine too now. Mine to worship and please. Mine to fuck open like she never has been before. I'm gonna ruin you for everyone else. You want that, right?"

You nod frantically, your hips running after Sunghoon's in a relentless chase, like they have a mind of their own.

"Say it. Say you want me to ruin your little hole."

"Ruin it—Hoon, please."

His hips falter when he hears just how desperate you sound, his eyebrows scrunched up in the middle and you can tell he's biting down on his tongue to ground himself. It only encourages you.

You reach for his boxers, wrapping your hand around the outline of his bulge and trying to contain your facial expressions at the reminder of just how ridiculously large he is. You squeeze it with your palm, his eyelids fluttering closed and his chest heaving from your touch alone. You try not to think too much about how outrageously wet the fabric is, all thanks to you. "Please, I need to feel you inside," you beg, arms pushing your tits—now basically spilling out of your dress—together and looking up at him with the most innocent doe eyed expression you can muster up.

Sunghoon's jaw leaps, and you feel like under a microscope as he watches you. "Little minx you are." He reaches for the first drawer of his night stand, rummaging though it quickly before pulling a tiny bottle out of it. It's lube.

"I don't need—"

Sunghoon silences you by spitting right on your pussy, your complaint turning into a whimper at the contact. "You do, baby. You need all the help you can get." Complaining more will get you nowhere but tucked into bed, still needy, horny and with a wet pussy, so you decide to play your cards cleverly and let him do his thing.

You paw at his boxers, fingers dipping into the waistband and trying to tug them down to get to the prize hidden behind. You spread your legs open even more as Sunghoon rips a larger hole into your tights, the veins running down his arms slightly bulging from the effort.

The sudden coldness of the lube dripping down on your puffy folds surprises you enough to rip a little yelp out of you, and Sunghoon's wide palms find their rightful place on your thighs, pushing them against your hips and lower stomach. He takes a good look at your cunt, spreading you open to his liking and leaving no inch of your skin hidden from his sight. "Such a pretty pussy." Your joints still ache and burn from all the exertion they already endured, but Sunghoon's words are like a soothing balm for your body and mind. "Prettiest cunt in the whole fucking world, all wet and ready for me to fuck."

You finally manage to free his cock fully, despite his filthy words sending waves of weakness through your body, and immediately wrap your palm around the middle, mouth watering when your thumb doesn't reach your other fingers. Not only is it way longer than average, it's also thick beyond comprehension, perfectly curved to hit all the right spots in you and so fucking veiny you can feel more slick pour out of you in anticipation. You quite literally cannot stop gawking at it, trying to move your hand up to his tip, just as thick if not thicker than the base, and you gulp as you watch beads of semi transparent liquid pour out of it.

"What is it, baby?" Sunghoon asks, Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he tries to not buck his hips into your hand. "We can stop if you want."

"No!" Your grip around him tightens, earning a gasp and a shallow thrust from him. Your thumb swipes over the head to spread his need all over, making it easier for you to slowly jerk him off. "Please," you add, quieter, afraid he might take the opportunity away from you.

The sight of you laying down so prettily with your much smaller hand enveloping his length, has all the blood in Sunghoon's body rush straight to his groin. He could cum at any moment, just from having you right in front of him like this, but he's set on making it worth the wait.

"You're so fucking hot like this." His hand finds your cunt again, fingers spreading your folds open so he can take a good look at the sensitive bud he loves so much, finding it so swollen he wishes to just bend down and suck on it again.

Once the lube fully coats his digits, he brings them down to your hole again, prodding it just enough to make sure it's slick with the cold essence. He squirts more of it right onto his cock while you keep fisting him as best as you can, spreading the lube all over it until all that can be heard in the room is the loud squelching noises and both of your heavy pants and low groans. His fingers keep rubbing your folds, coaxing more of your own arousal out of you, the feeling so distracting the pace you set on his cock falters a bit. To compensate, you add your other hand too, milking him with both at the same time.

"Fuck yeah, just like that," Sunghoon moans, and he looks divine above you with his lip caught between his teeth, gaze flickering from where his hips have started fucking into your fists, to where his fingers are playing with your pussy, like he cannot decide which view is best.

His cock throbs in your hands every time your hold tightens or your movements get faster, and you're stuck watching every reaction. His chest heaves, sometimes he looks like he forgets to breathe and then he has to make up for it. His cheeks are flushed, and when you notice how his bangs are sticking to his forehead because of the sweat accumulating on his hairline, you suspect he might be close.

"Gonna come?" you ask, battling your lashes at him, hoping he'll do just that from your hands alone. That's enough to wake him from his daze, and you almost regret asking when he breaks free from your hold and stops playing with your pussy.

The disappointment is short lived, because without wasting any time, Sunghoon brings your legs close together around his cock and sets both of your feet on one of his shoulders. He fucks your thighs just like that, with slow thrusts, making sure to slide his cock between your folds and let you feel every single vein running down his length. "You'd love that wouldn't you? Me coming all over your pussy. You're so fucking messy."

The shirt still covering his torso leaves close to nothing to the imagination now, clinging to every ridge of his abs and chest because of the sweat, and you're basically drooling at the sight. The feeling of Sunghoon's cock between your thighs and on your cunt is too much for you already, clit throbbing with need every time his tip catches on it, balls pushing against your hole every now and then, but you make the mistake of looking down when his thrusts get faster, and the view you're met with has you absolutely obsessed.

The head of Sunghoon's cock peeks out from your thighs every time his hips move forward, red and leaking so fucking much on your lower tummy it looks like he's cumming all over you already. But then it just keeps going, reaching close to your belly button, and when his head rests right on it, your mouth goes slack. It's one thing to see how big he is normally, but to have it compared directly against you, it makes the room spin in circles and your body feel even weaker. You need him inside you now.

"You like the view, baby? That's how deep I'm gonna be inside you, how deep I'll be fucking you," Sunghoon laughs, a little manically, and you hate how much it turns you on, like you need to be any more than you already are. "You'll feel me riiight here." He stops his thrusts to tap his cock on your stomach, the sounds of the tiny slaps reverberating through the room. "All up in your guts."

You gasp out his name when his hips go back to working his cock between your thighs, in an attempt to get his attention, but he already knows what you want.

"I know, baby. I know. Just a little more I promise." His gaze flicks up to meet yours, watching you intently for any sign of discomfort, any indication that you might want to stop. He knows it's unlikely—Hell, he's sure you were about to beg him to fuck you for the nth time that night just now—but he needs you to be absolutely sure. The weight on his chest, the slightest hint of uneasiness looming over him despite all the excitement fades in the background when all he finds on your face is pure lust, unfiltered need for him.

The pace slows down a little, and Sunghoon keeps eye contact with you as he speaks with his full lips brushing the skin of your ankle, giving you a few kisses there to ease up any anxiety you might feel. "Are you sure, pretty? We can wait a bit more. We don't have to—"

"Hoon. For the love of God just put it in or i might actually die within the next two minutes."

An amused wheeze tickles your skin, followed by a gentle nibble right where his lips kissed you. He rests your legs back down while he still kneels on the bed "Alright, alright."

He's spent all this time preparing you, telling you to take it slow for your own well being, but as you watch the way his eyes hesitantly shift focus around your body, you think maybe he's not the one ready yet. "Hoon?" you catch his attention, voice meek but it's like music to his ears, always.

Sunghoon hums in acknowledgement, but he looks deep in thought. His thumb follows the ridge of your jaw to your chin, then swipes over it a few times as if to encourage you to continue.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Had a change of heart? Weren't you just about to die a few seconds ago?"

"I'm asking you."

He exhales, then bends down to place a soft kiss right on your parted lips. "Of course I'm sure. I'm just…" He trails off, but you already know what he's thinking.

"You won't hurt me," you say, keeping eye contact to really get the point across. "Besides, even if you did. I'd enjoy it a bit."

The corner of his lips lift up, and you know you've finally cracked through him. "I suppose you would."

His elbow rests by your head, while his other hand grabs his cock and gives it a few pumps in preparation—not that he needs it, Sunghoon doesn't think he's ever been this goddamn hard in his entire life. "Give me a few taps anywhere if you want me to stop, if it helps you can bite me when it hurts." He positions himself, hand still guiding his tip to your leaking entrance, but doesn't push in just yet. "Where should I cum?"

You're about to lose your mind, hips slowly rolling against his tip to try to coax it inside of you and he's still talking instead of doing something about it. "Huh?"

"Where do you want my cum baby? You won't be able to talk when I'm fucking you."

The sheer seriousness in his tone has shivers run down your spine, but you don't dwell on it too long. "Inside. Anywhere you want just please—Oh my god."

The sting of his tip slowly pushing in stops you from finishing your sentence. It's a mild discomfort for now, but the feeling of it stretching you open is better than any of the toys you and Sunghoon experimented with could've ever provided. He's just getting started, but your mouth is already ajar, and more wetness seeps out of you when your boyfriend rewards you with the most beautiful moan you've ever heard.

"God, it's like she's begging me to slam all the way in." His thumb swipes over your clit in circular motions to help you ease up so the first few inches aren't too harsh on your poor drooling pussy, and even though the tip isn't even the entire way in, the sight of his cock slowly disappearing inside your heat quickly shoots up to his favorite spot. "Deep breaths baby, remember what I taught you—No, don't tense up, it's okay. You've got this."

Your eyes roll all the way to the back of your head, pleasure and discomfort blending into one slowly as he waits for you to adjust. How are you supposed to not clench around him when he's encouraging you like this? It's beyond you.

Your hand shoots to grab Sunghoon's muscular biceps when he starts moving again, and he stills right away, waiting with bated breath for the taps to come.

They don't.

"Is it all in yet?" you ask, because truly, you feel so fucking full already, fuller than you have ever been. But the amused look on Sunghoon's face tells you exactly what you need to know.

"I mean." He moves a little more, and the burning—even if eased up a bit by all the juices and lube coating both of you—resumes. "A little more than the tip is."

"The tip?"

"The tip." Sunghoon thrusts out gently before pushing in again, both of you moaning at the same time. "I can fuck you with just that, it's enough to make you come harder than you ever have." He doesn't wait for you to tell him what to do, opting to give you shallow thrusts to test the waters, his thumb never parting from your clit.

The way you shudder and the little sweet sounds you make because of his tip alone has his stomach knot in all kinds of ways and his cock leap and throb so much it fucking hurts. Sunghoon would want nothing more than to shove it in and claim you fully, mold your pussy around his girth so perfectly no one else would ever be able to give you a cock half as good as his—like he would let that happen in the first place.

You're writhing under him, legs kicking a little when he feels the slide in and out slowly get more comfortable and slippier. That doesn't mean you're not clenching around him so hard he could cum at any given moment, but for your own pleasure—and his, really. He wants to shoot his load as deep as he possibly can—he tries to hold off to the best of his capabilities.

But fuck if it's not the hardest thing he's ever tried to do.

He almost breaks when your own hand reaches down for the one working on your pussy, smaller palm attempting to cover the back of his and to coax it into moving faster. There's a bit of drool on the corner of your lips, and you look so wrecked already, Sunghoon hates how a shiver runs down his spine at the mere thought of how you'll look like when he's balls deep inside you. "Hoon—fuck. I want more."

He coos at you, pretending he's not a wreck himself, pretending the thread thin sliver of sanity he has left isn't the only thing preventing him to fold your legs all the way up to your chest and fuck you into oblivion, but the arm next to your head shakes with restraint, and the knuckles on his fist are ghostly white by now, even if you're too blissed out to pay attention. His voice is shaky, uneven, but his words are careful and patient, even when you'd rather them not be. "We gotta get your pretty parts used to it first baby, come like this just once, it's only the last stretch."

Your whines turn into moans when his movements on your clit fasten and his tip nudges inside you a little deeper, just enough to momentarily satisfy your craving for more.

"Aren't you a greedy little thing," Sunghoon rasps, holding back his own impending orgasm with all his strength, beads of sweat now rolling down his neck deliciously, and you kinda wish you could bend forward and lick them off of him. "Asking for more, and more, and more after the stunt you pulled today. My pretty baby," his thumb pushes more forcefully on your bud, making it hurt so good for a second as you adjust to the pressure, then giving you harsher drags, meant to have you come undone and quivering under him in no time. "So desperate for cock you just had to go ahead and try to make me jealous. You like it when I'm jealous?"

You gasp, nodding frantically as you feel the familiar knot in your stomach tighten more and more, an embarrassing amount of slick pouring out of you and running downwards.

"You're so fucking lucky this is the first time we do this," his voice is rough, an octave lower than usual. "Or I would've bent you over and fucked you so silly the second we got home without stretching your pretty pussy open. But I'm so kind. Thank me for it."

You clench hard around him at his words, toes bending because you don't know what else to do with all the pleasure coursing through you, and he gives a gorgeous deep groan in response. "I'm gonna—"

"Then thank me for it."

You come around him hard, harder than you ever have, thank you's pouring out of your lips like a broken prayer, entire body shaking head to toe from the intense orgasm. The buzz in your ears persists for a while as you try to come down from it, and you can see but it feels like you can't, like your brain isn't registering any of the images your eyes capture. Bright, static, dark spots, so many things at once. It feels like you blacked out for a second even if you didn't, all your senses dulled to make space for all the other sensations your climax provides.

When you slowly start to regain power over them, you're met with the sight of Sunghoon panting like a dog, eyes closed and fist wrapped around his cock, the head poking out and redder than you've ever seen it, looking like he just ran a fucking marathon. Somehow, he managed not to cum. He was so close though, so close he had to pull out the second your walls started to involuntary flutter around him or he would've been done for.

The tight black shirt is still clinging to him like a second skin, and the first coherent thought of yours after the fog around brain clears is to get him out of it as soon as you can. You tug at the hem, still panting and blood buzzing from the release. "Off."

Sunghoon doesn't answer you with words, but he rips the shirt off his torso, throwing it somewhere on the floor behind him. His hands are shaky as they travel from your waist to your hips, then reaching your thighs, spreading you open further in front of him and allowing him to take a look at the big mess you—both of you, really—made. Sunghoon's cock is rock hard, tip oozing enough precum to make all the prep you've endured so far pointless. (Not really, you know better than that.)

Sunghoon goes back to nudging his tip on your hole, just holding it there without pushing in quite yet, casting a last questioning glance your way because he needs the reassurance that you're okay with this one last time before he fully commits.

When you nod, he slowly eases himself back into you with a low moan accompanying the motion, this time his gaze holding yours. The face you make as his tip stretches you open makes it a hundred times harder for him to keep his chill, wanting nothing more than to say fuck it and pound you stupid like you've been begging him to do ever since things first got handsy between you two.

The burn isn't nearly as bad as it was the first time, leaving space for so much more pleasure to course right through you, and you can't help the relieved sigh that leaves you when his tip is fully back inside you again, like it's a need for you to be filled by it. And Sunghoon sees that. He sees the fire in your eyes, the greediness slowly pooling behind those pupils he loves so much, how your hips look for his even if taking any more in hurts.

His hips jerk forward more than he intends them to, but he can't help it, not when you're looking at him like he's the prey. More of your wetness coats him, and both of you loudly moan into the night.

"You feel so fucking good, baby," Sunghoon whines, actual tears filling his waterline because he can't believe how much you're gripping him, pussy fluttering around his girth with every little bit he pushes forward, welcoming him like no one has ever done. "Tightest little pussy ever."

The hold on your thighs is bruising, but it helps you stay at least a little grounded so you wouldn't have it any other way. Whenever you think you're too full and cannot possibly take anymore, you feel a little more of Sunghoon's cock slide in you, so you get on your elbows with what little strength you have left and take a look for yourself. He's barely halfway in, and the burning sensation is starting to set in again. It hurts, but it hurts so good, you need more and you need less at the same time.

"Yeah, that's right, angel. Watch how your greedy needy cunt swallows me." Sunghoon's eyebrows are creased, sweat now not only dripping from his scalp, but little droplets constellating his broad chest, following the paths preset by his sculpted physique, all the way down to his vline. A mouthwatering sight.

"So full," you sigh, eyes never leaving from where you're connected, clit throbbing the more he fucks his cock into you, begging for a lick of attention.

"You'll be so much fuller. Can you behave and handle that for me, mhh?"

You bite down on your bottom lip, nodding along to his words and sneaking down your hand to play with your clit when you come to the conclusion that Sunghoon's hands are way too busy gripping your plushy skin like his sanity depends on it.

"Smart girl," he praises.

The wetter you become, the easier and more pleasurable the slide is. Sunghoon watches you for any sign of unbearable discomfort, slowing down when you bite your tongue or picking his speed back up when you bless him with those precious needy whines of yours. "You're doing so well, my gorgeous girl. So fucking amazing, making me feel so good already, God, you're perfect."

His words of encouragement play a big part in easing the pain for you, soothing you enough to make it easier for you to not tense up when his cock nudges a particularly sensitive spot inside of you. Your hand flies to your lower belly and you swear you feel him right there, so much deeper than you've ever had anyone—or anything—be.

"There we go," Sunghoon puffs out like he's been holding himself back from breathing this entire time, his pelvis grinding against your folds deliberately. And you finally realize he's all the way in for the first time ever. "Squeezin' me so tight, are you scared I'll run away?" He pulls back a bit before fully thrusting inside again, the curve of his cock aiding in making him hit all the right spots you could've never reached yourself. "No fucking chance. Not after I've got a taste of this. Gonna fuck your pretty pussy open every fucking night, until I've trained her to take me in without any complaints."

He sets a slow pace, not wanting to overwhelm you just yet, then adds, in a softer tone, "Does it hurt too bad, baby?"

If he keeps the back and forth up for much longer, you're gonna end up getting whiplash. But between groans and higher pitches sounds, you manage to answer him. "Any more and you would've popped me like a balloon."

Sunghoon giggles as he bends down to capture your lips in a sweet kiss, hands finally loosening his grip on your legs and traveling all over your body. "You begged, and begged and—"

"I'm not complaining, am I?" you ask, breaking the kiss and resting your forehead on his, the saliva string connecting you two shining under the warm light of the lamp. "Harder."

Sunghoon complies instantly, speeding up his movements and giving you actual thrusts instead of the messy mix of grinding and nudges he'd taken a liking to. His hot, wet mouth finds your neck, too greedy and selfish, in desperate need of hearing the beautiful sounds you make instead of swallowing them down. His tongue skates over your pulse point, a shiver traveling down your entire body when he gives you the lightest nibble right there before licking it up again in apology.

"I can still taste you in my mouth." His breath tickles the wet skin of your neck, your front arching into his when goosebumps appear all over your exposed arms. "Always want to—mh, taste it. You'll let me eat your pretty pussy again after you gush on my cock?"

Even if you want to reply, you really can't, not when the pace he's drilling into you at is knocking the air out of your lungs, and the bolder his movements get, the more you understand why he asked where he should cum before even staring. You want to look at him, take in every expression on his beautiful face, but the pleasure is too much to handle and the only thing that seems to help is closing your eyes and letting them roll back into your skull.

Your lips are raw from all the biting, and you're so incredibly thankful when Sunghoon's hand swats yours away from your clit to replace it, allowing you to sink your fingers into his broad shoulders, clawing at them with every languid thrust he gives you. He feels so perfect, filling you up to the brim and then some more, stretching you out so fucking good you suspect you won't ever be able to scratch the itch if not with his cock.

"I'm in love with this fucking pussy, baby," he moans, loud and unapologetic, making his way with open mouthed kisses down your neck, then following the line of your clavicle, only to dip down between the valley of your breasts. Your tits have spilled out of the tiny little dress due to bouncing around with every precise thrust Sunghoon gave you, and your nipples are perky and hard, begging for his attention right in his face.

"And your tits, fuck. So pretty, I'm gonna eat you right up." He licks a stripe on one of your hardened buds before enveloping it fully between his lips and sucking on it lightly, sighing contently into it when you push your tits on his face further, loud whines spilling out of you.

The very familiar band in your tummy starts to tighten again the more he works on your nipples and clit at the same time, thrusts never once faltering. All of your senses are heightened to such a degree you don't even know what to do with yourself anymore if not lay under Sunghoon and let him absolutely ravage you, not a single thought but 'feels so good' crossing your mind. But it's fast, too fast, and you want it to last for longer, want Sunghoon to keep fucking you for hours until the only word you remember is his name.

You try to push his hand away from your clit, only earning a reprimanding yet gentle bite on your nipple, a warning. "I c-can't."

"Can't what, pretty girl?" He rolls your nipple between his lips, lapping away the tingling sensation the nibble left on it that has you jolt in his hold. "Use your words."

You throw your head back in frustration, feeling the impending climax approach you once again, the nth that night. "Don't want it to end," you gasp, using up all the strength left in you form a coherent sentence.

Sunghoon coos at you. Fucking coos at you only to deepen the strokes of his cock inside you, angling his hips to reach even deeper. "Cum for me baby, I'll just keep fucking you."

Your thighs shake as they wrap around his waist to pull him closer, his hips switching to grinding his cock into you instead of thrusting it, the fat tip poking the most delicious sensitive parts of your heat. You gasp and wheeze, claw and scratch and draw blood from his skin but it never hinders or stops his strokes. You clench around him time and time again, wrapping around his cock so nicely Sunghoon can feel his own orgasm build up in the pit of his stomach.

You come around him with a silent scream, every single part of your body twitching under him as he keeps fucking into you, now chasing his own high. He still takes a moment to watch you and how beautiful you look at the highest of your peak, eyes glazed over and mouth hung open, sweaty skin glistening so beautifully he wishes to be a painter and capture it forever. It's a sight he's never gonna grow accustomed to, and it has his stomach twist in knots. "That's it baby, so fucking gorgeous, keep cumming for me like that, milking my cock so well."

Even in the aftershocks of your orgasm, your body looks for his, hips rolling into his as if to silently ask for him to cum inside you, now that your voice has completely failed you.

"Just a bit more. We're almost there, my perfect little baby, so good for me," Sunghoon is babbling too by now, so damn enamored with the sight of you trying to keep your twitching under control even though you're still cumming around him and teetering on overstimulation so he can fully savor his own high. "The most perfect angel girl ever. I love you so fucking much."

Your head is light and Sunghoon's words reach you as if in slow motion, muffled by your own blood buzzing in your ears. You're completely drenched, and the bedding underneath you is too, but neither of you can bring yourselves to care. The slide is not painful anymore, and everything feels so warm and slippery, you never want it to end.

The image of Sunghoon still grinding and fucking his cock into you, his pace now reduced to a desperate mess and nowhere near as precise as it was, clears up slowly as your ears stop ringing, but your pleasure never does. You don't know if you're still cumming or if Sunghoon fucking you just feels this good you can't tell the difference, but you feel like you're on cloud nine and lighter than you've ever been.

Sunghoon's torso is completely glistening, and you feel some of that slick coat your skin too when he bends your legs into you, folding you against the bed and hitting even deeper inside you.

You're a moaning mess as he pistons his dick inside your heat, dragging perfectly against your gummy walls. You look down and see a bulge poke your lower tummy with each deep stroke of his. The sight alone is enough to have you on the edge again, but it feels different this time, like you cannot possibly contain what's about to happen.

"Hoon—"

"Shh," he silences you, hair a sweaty mess and dripping all over your figure. The squelching sounds of his skin slapping against yours, connected by white strips of slick on both of your thighs get even louder when his pace gets faster, the hand that played with your clit suddenly pushing down on the bulging of your stomach. "Give it all to me, soak my fucking dick—fuck, I'm gonna cum baby, gonna cum so deep inside you."

You cannot stop the dam from breaking, juices shooting out of you so suddenly you're taken aback too, coating his entire lower abdomen in it. Your cunt throbs around him so hard, almost like it's trying to push his cock out of you. You can't think of anything, cannot fathom anything that's not Sunghoon, and his perfect cock, and how good you feel, going completely limp on the bed.

He moans louder than you at the sight of your wetness drenching the bed and his cock. "Fuck, take it all baby. I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm—"

His hips stutter one final time against you, burying his cock deep inside you and shooting his seed in multiple thick spurts as deep as he possibly can, filling you up perfectly. He dips down to catch your mouth in a messy kiss, panting into your mouth even as you two are still both trying to catch your breath from your orgasms, but your lips on his are all the oxygen he needs.

"I love you," you whisper into the kiss, your words finally having found the way out of your throat again.

Sunghoon hums, his body weakened and tired but still hovering above you instead of slumping on you. "I love you more." He gives you a sweet peck like he wasn't just putting you through the matters moments ago. "You were perfect, baby. Did so amazing." He lets his body go beside you on the bed, dragging you between his arms and grimacing when the wet mess you made on the covers touches the back of his body. "A rag won't be enough."

You smile, weak but content. "And who's fault is that?"

Sunghoon pretends to think about it, but from the look on his face you can tell the answer is ready on his tongue. "I think it might be yours for being too hot I couldn't help myself."

You swat your hand on his chest, but there's no force behind the gesture.

"Aaand for making me jealous."

A groan leaves your lips, your arms coming up to cover your face. "How am i gonna ever face Jay again after this."

Sunghoon's chest vibrates against your skin. "You'll think about that after I clean you up."

You make a low noise of complaint, rolling over to push yourself on top of your boyfriend's body, hands resting on his toned chest as you reach for his huge cock and slowly sink yourself onto it, head thrown back in pleasure even if it's not fully hard anymore. Sunghoon's breath catches in his throat as he watches you lower yourself against him again, your head finding refuge on his shoulder. "Later."

You stay like that for a while, breaths slowly synchronizing in the peaceful quiet, Sunghoon's cock comfortably nested in your heat while his fingers lazily ghost over the entire expanse of your back. You could fall asleep at any moment, but you raise your head one more time to look at your boyfriend, his half lidded eyes meeting yours instantly. "You did not strike me as the type of guy to edge himself that much."

"Just go to sleep."

BONUS

You roll over to tentatively search Sunghoon's bedside table, ignoring the sound of the lube bottle hitting the floor, until the cold screen of your phone meets your spread hand.

Sunghoon is snoring lightly behind you, his nose nuzzled against your nape, and you hope to not wake him up as you unlock your phone. You recoil when the light that feels like a million suns momentarily blinds you, but even that is not enough to discourage you from completing the life-or-death task ahead of you.

You open up messages—promptly ignoring Jay's "never do this shit again. you two are nasty."— and click on Jungwon's chat, not wasting time to watch the several unloaded video files sitting in it (you can easily recognize the blonde silhouette of Jake's hair in half of them, so you're free to assume it's nothing of particular importance anyway) to type a quick text.

05:34 AM. You: mission accomplished ;p (cancel the hiking thing we planned for next week unless you carry me yourself. your girl can't walk)

Shockingly enough, he replies within the minute.

05:35 AM. twin: you shameless being (a whole week is crazy)

05:37 AM. twin: whatever, but I'm dragging you out for brunch so you figure out your means of transportation yourself. we need to catch up

05:38 AM. You: crazy night for both of us i assume

05:38 AM. twin: oh you have no idea

[jakevwebber]

[jakevwebber]

someone save me i’m going crazy

[breakmeoff]

KPOP Kinktober│ Masterlist

Welcome to our KINKY and SPOOKY collab event!

Please find the updated calendar of idols and kinks attached for your viewing pleasure, and a complete list by date of which amazing writer will be feeding us with tricks and treats!

We sincerely hope you enjoy. 😈👻🎃🕷️

OCT 01 [ @slut4kwon - Kwon Jiyong ] - daddy kink OCT 02 [ @thatonebluehedgehog - SKZ OT8 ] - aphrodisiacs OCT 03 [ @sereia4skz - Kim Seungmin ] - spit kink OCT 04 [ @breakmeoff - Hwang Hyunjin ] - sexual favors OCT 05 [ @gggtabi - Choi Seunghyun ] - public sex OCT 06 [ @angel-writes-skz-here - Han Jisung ] - stalker / dubcon OCT 07 [ @leislibrary - Kim Seungmin ] - mirror sex OCT 08 [ @skzophreniic - Bang Chan ] - forced orgasm OCT 09 [ @moonqz - Kwon Jiyong ] - throat training OCT 10 [ @makeitworse - Kwon Soonyoung (Hoshi) ] - camgirl OCT 11 [ @fenya-scribbles - Lee Minho ] - caught masturbating OCT 12 [ @starlostjisung - Bang Chan ] - bondage OCT 13 [ @gggtabi - Kwon Jiyong ] - knife play (costumes) OCT 14 [ @berfgrimm - Choi Seunghyun ] - gloves / choking OCT 15 [ @szonyix6277 - Choi Seunghyun ] - pet play OCT 16 [ @pixie-felix - Jackson Wang ] - puppeteering OCT 17 [ @ttturnitup - Han Jisung ] - gags OCT 18 [ @chrizzztopherbang - Seo Changbin ] - body worship OCT 19 [ @blxksun - Lee Minho ] - tentacles OCT 20 [ @hyunjincanraptoo - Hwang Hyunjin ] - love bites OCT 21 [ @emmiesoverthemoon - Bang Chan & Lee Felix ] - double penetration OCT 22 [ @ldydeath - Kwon Jiyong ] - strip club OCT 23 [ @baby-yongbok - Kim Seungmin ] - voyeurism OCT 24 [ @makeitworse - Yang Jeongin (I.N) ] - femdom OCT 25 [ @moonqz - Seo Changbin ] - size kink OCT 26 [ @jiyongsangel - Kwon Jiyong ] - choking OCT 27 [ @bbokicidal - Yang Jeongin (I.N) ] - breeding OCT 28 [ @szonyix6277 - Choi Seunghyun ] - costumes OCT 29 [ @leriexoxo - SKZ OT8 ] - orgy OCT 30 [ @breakmeoff - Jackson Wang ] - glory hole OCT 31 [ @pixie-felix - Bang Chan (& Friends) ] - vampire dubcon

Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the event tag list!

event tag list: @minniesverse @minnies-girls @keiraryan @thequeenofdramaqueens @jinniesgirl @meelbarnes @ellayahhs @wavetohannie @nougatjade

[jakevwebber]

would anyone like if i started posting skz text messages with different scenarios??

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡° )?

yes

meh

Voting ended onSep 11, 2025

[skzfflovers]

drink it up

pairing: seungmin x fem reader

word count:  6.3k

contains: +18, twt smut link, friends with tension, risk of getting caught, touchy hands under the table, teasing, dirty talk, messy sex, floor sex, riding, unprotected sex (don't!!!), oral (both receiving), fingering, handjob, squirting, mutual desperation, overstimulation, whiny seungmin (<333), reader is loud.

authors note: english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in advance +++ requests are open!

⋆｡°✩

summary: You were just supposed to catch up with friends. Dinner, drinks, some laughs, nothing serious. But deep inside... you came hoping he would be there. Whatever had happened between you two... God, you wanted it again. And the second he laid his eyes on you? You knew he wanted it too.

!!!! MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !!!

warnings: the twt smut link has explicit content. it’s porn. you don’t have to watch it to understand the story. i decided to share w/ you bc watching it inspired me writing this one. also, you have to be logged in to open the video!!

The table was crowded, laughs, wine glasses clinking, someone passing plates of pasta like this was any normal dinner with friends. It had been ages since the last time you all managed to meet up. And even longer since you and Seungmin had happened for the first time.

"Happened". Funny way to describe it. Well, you had fucked. A few times. Messy. Drunk. Those kind of nights you don’t talk about.

He walked in late, dark hoodie, hair a little too perfect, and when his eyes landed on you. You felt it in your throat. That thing he does, the slow scan. Like he’s choosing. Like he already knows.

At first, you were across the table from each other. Plenty of bodies between. Enough noise to distract anyone else. But he couldn't sit still. You noticed it right away, how he kept shifting, drumming his fingers on the edge of his plate, licking at his bottom lip between sentences. His eyes kept darting toward you, then away. Pretending to be interested in the conversation.

But you knew him enough.

Enough to know what it looked like when he was starving. And that’s exactly what he was.

Your knees bumped someone else's. Someone laughed too loudly. Seungmin leaned back in his chair just enough to see past the person between you. Eyes dragging up your neckline. Your collarbones. Your lips. He didn’t even smile. Just stared, jaw tight, like he had already undressed you ten different ways.

And you didn’t look away.

You let him stare.

The tension brewed with every course. Every refill. Every second. He moved one seat closer when someone got up to take a call. And then again when someone left to smoke. Until finally, he was beside you.

His shoulder grazed yours.

You didn’t dare turn your head. But his knee pressed against yours under the table, casual, then not-so-casual. His breath was warm when he leaned in to grab the salt. And then he didn’t move away.

“You look different,” he murmured, low enough only for you. “Pretty.”

“Wasn’t I pretty before?” you said, tilting your head, just enough bite in your voice to sting.

His lips quirked. Barely. “Don’t start,” he murmured, but there was a gleam in his eyes. Like he wanted you to.

And then, “Oh shit, Seungmin! I forgot to tell you—” Someone slid into the open spot across the table. Loud, cheerful, completely oblivious to the way you were staring straight into each other’s throats.

He turned his face toward the voice, shifting only slightly, but his knee stayed flush against yours. Still leaning close. Still burning.

You blinked, pretended to focus on your plate. Tried to pick up pieces of the new conversation. Something about a mutual friend’s disaster date. Seungmin laughed at the right moments. Gave polite answers. Played it cool.

But you knew it was all performance.

You could smell him, clean laundry, warm skin, a bit of spice in his cologne that made your thighs press tighter. You could feel his breath sometimes, just barely on your neck when he leaned back.

And you couldn’t stop looking at him.

His dark hair, slightly tousled from the hoodie. The curve of his lashes. The way his mouth moved when he spoke, slow. You watched his throat bob as he swallowed mid-sentence. Watched how his fingers curled loosely on the table.

And then, his thigh started to move.

Just a little. Brushing yours. Not by accident.

Once. Twice. He kept talking, but his leg was pressing into you now, confident, slow, steady. Testing.

You swallowed hard. Forced your face to stay blank. Polite. Like you were listening. But you weren’t. You were heat and nerve endings. You were soaked through and dizzy.

Then, your hand slipped, dropped softly under the table. Fingers shaking slightly. You let it land on his thigh.

Casual. He didn’t flinch. Didn’t pause his sentence.

But his voice dipped just slightly. Just enough for you to notice. He kept speaking, still facing that guy. Still smiling. And your fingers slowly brushed him. Down, then up. A little higher. A little firmer. His thigh tensed beneath your touch.

And that’s when you realized. Shit, he was hard.

Already. You could feel it. Right there beside you, and you were barely touching him. You kept brushing your fingers higher. Just barely.

He was still talking, still pretending. You watched the side of his face, the way he smiled at the conversation, answered with lazy ease. But you felt the way his thigh was flexing now, tight under your hand. How his breath stuttered just once when your fingers ghosted close to where he was hardest.

And then... his hand covered yours.

Firm. Warm. No sudden movement, no alarm. Just a quiet weight. A warning. You didn’t dare look at him.

But your pulse shot straight to your throat.

His thumb slid against the back of your hand, barely a stroke. Like he was calming you. Or thanking you. Or telling you to stop. You couldn't tell exactly what he wanted to tell you.

Except... he didn’t move your hand away. He just kept holding it there. Like he wanted you to feel it. To know what you were doing to him. To know how hard he already was.

The conversation across the table went on, oblivious. Someone laughed. A fork clinked against a wine glass. But the only sound you could hear was your own breathing, shallow, uneven.

You shifted slightly in your seat, your thigh pressing harder into his. And under the table, his fingers squeezed yours.

Not hard. Just enough to say: 'Careful'.

You glanced around the table. No one was watching.

The wine had done its job, everyone loud, flushed, lost in their own little conversations. The guy talking to Seungmin was deep in some chaotic gossip, waving his fork around like the drama depended on it. No one was looking under the table. No one was looking at you.

So you moved your hand. Up.

Slowly dragging your fingers higher along the inside of his thigh. You felt the way his muscles jumped beneath your touch. How his hand, still covering yours, didn’t stop you.

He was still pretending to listen. Nodding once. A hum of acknowledgment. But his jaw had gone tighter. His eyes sharper. His breathing? Barely controlled.

Until you reached him, fully.

Hard, thick, straining against his jeans.

You let your hand rest there. Nothing more than a soft press at first. Palming him over the denim like this was something you did all the time. Like you weren’t absolutely soaking just from the tension. Like your own heart wasn’t pounding in your chest.

Seungmin’s fingers gripped yours suddenly, tight now. Like he couldn’t decide if he wanted to shove your hand away or make you keep going.

Still, he didn’t look at you.

He stared straight ahead, lips parted, eyes on the speaker. But his breath hitched. And under the table, his legs spread just slightly.

Letting you.

Inviting you.

The conversation around you blurred, muffled. You didn’t care what was being said. All you could feel was him. Heavy and hard under your hand. And his fingers, digging into your skin now, his quietest attempt at staying composed.

But you knew him too well.

He was seconds away from snapping.

You held your hand there for a moment. Just letting him feel it. Your palm pressed soft and steady over the thick outline of him, hot through his jeans. He was barely breathing now, tense everywhere.

And then, you patted him.

Slowly.

Once. Twice.

Right over the head of his cock, like you were comforting him. Or rewarding him. He still didn’t move. Didn’t look at you. But his jaw twitched. And his grip on your wrist? Tightened, warning.

You ignored it.

One single finger lifted from your palm.

And you dragged it. Down.

From the tip to the base. Light. Barely a trace. Just enough to make his breath catch. To make his thigh jump again. Just enough to make his cock twitch under your touch, like he was begging. Without a sound. Without a word.

And god, the shiver that ran through him... So quiet. So violent. You felt it before you saw it. Like his whole body was vibrating with the effort to stay still.

Then...

“Anyway, I’m gonna grab another drink,” the guy across from you said, finally standing. “Tell Chan I said he’s an idiot for missing this one.”

Seungmin gave a single nod, didn’t say a word.

And the second the guy was gone?

He turned his head.

And looked at you.

Not fast. Not dramatic.

But intense.

Like he could see straight through you. Like he was imagining you on your knees already. Like he was deciding how hard he was going to fuck you for this.

His eyes dragged down your face. Your mouth. Your neck. Back to your eyes.

And there was a slight smile. But no teasing. Just heat. Hot. Focused. Furious.

He leaned in, slow, voice so low it didn’t even count as a whisper.

“I hope you know what you've just asked for.”

The words ghosted over your skin like a threat.

Before you could answer, before you could even breathe, he was already shifting. His hand gripped your thigh under the table, firm this time, pulling your legs just slightly apart as he stood. Not a word to anyone. Not even a glance back.

And somehow, no one noticed.

Maybe it was the noise. The clatter of plates, the laughter, the drinks flowing like water. Maybe everyone was too drunk, too busy, too distracted. But you felt like the room had gone still. Like everything narrowed to him.

You followed him without question.

Down the narrow hall, past the coat rack and the guest bathroom. Your steps were slow, legs warm and heavy from everything he had just done to you without even touching skin. He didn’t check to see if you were behind him. He knew you were.

When he reached the last door, maybe the guest bedroom, he opened it, pulled you in, and locked it behind him.

Silence.

When he turned to you?

There was no hesitation. No smirk. Just need.

He stepped into you, crowding you against the wall before you could say a thing. His mouth was on yours in a second, hot, rough, filthy. Tongue sliding in like he owned it. Hands everywhere. One gripping your waist, the other already tugging at the back of your jeans like he couldn’t believe you were there, on his hands.

You moaned into his mouth, arms locking around his neck as he pressed against you, cock hard and insistent against your hip.

“You think that was funny?” he murmured against your lips, his voice rough with it. “Patting me like that? Teasing me like I wouldn’t drag you back here and fuck you against the first wall I could find?”

You barely managed a breath before his mouth was back on you. Down your neck, biting. His hand slipped under your shirt, then under your bra, fingertips digging.

“You did this to yourself,” he growled, breath hot in your ear. “You know that, right?”

And with one sharp movement, he turned you. Pressed your chest against the wall. Not gentle. Not slow. But so fucking perfect.

You were smiling. Laughing. Pressed up against the wall, cheek brushing the cool paint, heart pounding like a war drum, but you were smiling. Because you knew exactly what you had done to him. You wanted it just as bad as he did.

Maybe worse.

His chest was flush against your back, his breath ragged as it hit your neck, and his cock, fuck, you could feel it, thick and hard against the curve of your ass. There was no hiding it now. No pretense. He was grinding into you like instinct, like it hurt to not be inside you.

And then his hand, that goddamn hand. It slid down, bold and sure, fingers brushing over the front of your jeans. Right where you were soaked through.

Even with the fabric in the way, you jolted. It felt like lightning, the way he touched you. Just his fingertips, grazing your pussy like he was testing it, measuring the mess he had made with only looks and tension and one whispered threat.

He chuckled low behind you, his nose brushing your jaw. "I can feel you're dripping for me, even with all this in the way," he murmured, dragging one knuckle right along your seam. “Fuck, you want it bad, don’t you?”

You let out a shaky laugh, half breath, half whimper. "Look who's talking," you said, pushing your hips back, grinding into the thick line of him behind you. “You’ve been hard since you saw me.”

He growled, actually growled. His hand tightened on your waist, and his other flattened against your cunt, pressing down through the fabric.

The friction made your knees buckle.

"You gonna keep mouthing off,” he muttered, his lips brushing the shell of your ear, “or are you gonna let me fuck you?”

"I'm not stopping you"

And then he moved.

His hands went to your jeans, rough, practiced. The button popped open with a snap, zipper dragged down with a sound that made your skin burn. He yanked the waistband down over your hips, just enough to expose your ass, the lace of your underwear pulled tight across your soaked heat.

He groaned behind you, low and vicious, like the sight alone wrecked him. “Jesus…” His fingers dragged over the fabric between your thighs. “You’re soaked.”

You looked over your shoulder, eyes dark, lips parted. Smirking.

“Maybe you should’ve touched me sooner.”

That did something to him.

Because the next second, he shoved your jeans lower, let them hang around your thighs. His hand grabbed your panties by the side, snapping them against your skin before sliding them aside, just enough to bare you to him.

And then, his fingers finally touched you. Skin to skin. Slick and hot and desperate.

He swore under his breath, deep and ragged, while his fingers slid through your folds, gathering the mess. He didn’t ease in slow. Didn’t take his time. Two fingers pushed inside you without hesitation, and you gasped, loud.

“Still tight,” he hissed behind you, voice breaking.

You could barely hold yourself up now, your hands flat against the wall, back arched, legs already trembling. And he was pressing into you, grinding his cock against your ass, fingers working inside you like he was trying to ruin you before even pulling himself out of his jeans.

Every drag. Every curl. Fuck, you needed more.

“Seungmin—” you choked, head falling forward.

He pulled his fingers out with a wet sound, made you gasp from the loss.

Then you heard the soft click of his belt. The rasp of his zipper.

And that moment, the silence right before, when you knew he was lining himself up behind you?

It felt like the fucking earth was about to crack.

You barely had time to inhale before you felt the blunt heat of him, his cock pressing right against your entrance, thick and throbbing and barely held back.

He slid it through your folds first, dragging the head over your soaked cunt, groaning at the way you trembled, the way your ass pushed back, greedy for him.

And then... he sank in.

Not slow. Not gentle. Just all of him.

You cried out, fucked open in one breathless thrust, your hands clawing at the wall as his hips slammed into the backs of your thighs. He didn’t pause. Didn’t give you time to adjust. He needed this. And fuck, you did too.

“Fuck,” he gasped, mouth hot against your shoulder. “Fucking—tight—wet—shit.”

He set a brutal pace right away, hips slapping against your skin, hands digging into your waist to keep you in place. Every thrust pushed you up the wall, knocked the air out of you. His cock hit deep, again and again, filling you in a way that made your knees buckle, your thoughts scatter.

You were gasping, moaning, whispering his name. And behind you, Seungmin was unraveling.

“I only came to this fucking meeting,” he growled, thrusting harder, deeper, meaner, “because I thought you might be here.”

You whimpered, your cheek pressed against the wall, nails scraping paint.

“I sat across that table for an hour,” he bit out, breath wild, “hard as fuck. Watching you pretend like you weren’t thinking about this.”

He fucked into you harder.

“Like you weren’t soaking your jeans while everyone was fucking eating.”

You were drenched. Every slap of his hips echoed in the tiny room. Every wet, filthy sound of your pussy clenching around him made him groan deeper, made him lose rhythm for a second before he grabbed your hips tighter and kept pounding.

“Look at you now,” he hissed, hand sliding up your back, gripping your shoulder to pull you back onto his cock. “Fucking made for it. Taking me like you need it.”

You did. God, you did need it.

You could feel yourself close, tighter, hotter, your whole body trying to break apart around him.

And still, he didn’t let up.

He was fucking you like he had been waiting months. Like this was all he ever thought about. Like no one else in the goddamn world existed.

You let out a broken laugh, breath catching as his cock hit that spot deep inside you again and again. His grip on your waist was bruising, his pace ruthless, but you weren’t about to let him have the last word.

“You came hoping I’d be here?” you said, voice wrecked, taunting. “You couldn’t even look at me without getting hard.”

His thrust faltered, just for a second. You felt it. You grinned.

“Poor thing,” you gasped, pushing back against him harder, grinding your ass into his hips between thrusts. “Were you sitting there imagining this? How wet I’d be? How tight I’d still be wrapped around your cock?”

He groaned, raw, guttural, slamming into you harder like he wanted to fuck the smugness off your face.

But you were still talking, still smiling, even with your cheek against the wall and your legs shaking.

“You think I didn’t notice?” you hissed, clenching around him on purpose now, just to hear the sound he made. “The way you couldn’t stop staring at my mouth? My neck? The way your hands wouldn’t stay still?”

You rolled your hips back again, letting him slide even deeper. And god, the way he filled you, like nothing had ever fit so perfectly. “But yeah. I was wet for you before you even touched me,” you whispered.

He swore under his breath, loud, desperate, unraveling.

“You don’t know what you fucking do to me,” he growled, voice cracking. “You think this is about another night? You think I haven’t been going crazy—?”

His hand slid up to your throat, just resting there.

“You’re not leaving this room until I make you forget how to stand.”

You laughed again, breathless, biting your lip to stifle a moan as his cock slammed into you again, harder, deeper, wetter. “I’ll still be standing,” you panted, eyes fluttering. “You’re the one about to lose it.”

And the second you said it, he snapped. Pulled out of you with a sharp, wet sound that left you clenching around nothing, gasping from the loss.

Then he grabbed your waist and dropped.

Just like that.

Dragged you down with him, until your knees hit the floor and he was sitting back against the wall, cock slick and aching between you both.

You barely had time to breathe before his hands were on you again, pulling you onto his lap, lining you up.

And then, he shoved you down.

You cried out as he filled you again, all of him, fast and hard, your thighs stretching wide over his, knees scraping against the wood floor, back arching from the shock of it.

“Fuck—fuck,” he hissed, hands gripping your ass, holding you still as your cunt clenched around him. “You feel even better like this.”

You were already moving, rolling your hips down into him, grinding hard. His head tipped back against the wall, mouth falling open, breath ragged as you rode him, chasing every ounce of friction, every brutal grind of him inside you.

His hands roamed, everywhere. Gripping your waist, sliding up your back, fisting your hair as you moaned into his neck.

“F-fuck, Seungmin,” you gasped, voice shaking, body burning.

“I should’ve fucked you like this the first time,” he growled, lips dragging over your jaw, his hips thrusting up hard to meet every movement. “This real.”

You were losing it.

Your nails dug into his shoulders, your head falling back as he thrust up into you again and again, cock hitting so deep you saw stars.

“Look at you,” he panted, one hand gripping your ass, the other slipping between your bodies to rub your clit, fast, perfect, mean. “Thought you could sit across from me and act like none of it mattered. Like I never fucked you.”

You whimpered, your body already shaking, cunt clenching down around him, slick dripping down his thighs.

“Keep fucking me,” you gasped, eyes locking with his.

His arms wrapped around you tight, thrusts turning rough, relentless. You couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. All you could do was take it.

Take him.

Slamming into you from below. Whispering your name like he needed it more than air.

You were right there, right fucking there.

And he knew it.

It hit you like a goddamn wave.

Every thrust, every grind of his cock inside you, it was perfect. The angle. The pressure. The way his fingers were working your clit, rough, fast, so fucking filthy, it was too much.

Your hips started to stutter. Your mouth dropped open, but nothing came out except a choked, breathless moan. You clung to him like your life depended on it, nails digging into his shoulders, forehead pressed to his, the sweat and spit between you like a fever dream.

And you couldn’t be quiet about it. You moaned, loud, broken. your body shaking in his arms as the pressure built fast and hot, unstoppable.

“Shh—fuck, shut up,” he hissed against your neck, one hand flying to cover your mouth. “Someone could hear us.”

But it was too much. You were already gone.

Your cries spilled into his palm, muffled but frantic, your hips grinding down hard, chasing it, your thighs trembling as your orgasm threatened to crash through you.

“You can’t fucking hold it back?”

You shook your head wildly, tears pricking your eyes, overwhelmed.

So he lost it. One arm locked around your waist, yanking you down harder on his cock, the other still over your mouth as he slammed up into you, fast, brutal, filthy. "Loud and messy. huh?"

“Fuck,” he grunted, voice dark and wrecked and just as desperate. “I can feel it. You’re shaking—shit, you’re fucking—dripping.”

And you were.

You felt it.

Everything, your thighs, his lap, his cock, soaking wet from how messy you had gotten. You could hear it. The disgusting, beautiful sound of your cunt sucking him in. His cock coated, slamming into you harder now, deeper, like he wanted to pull it out of you.

You gasped, ragged, broken.

“Oh f-fuck, I—I’m gonna—”

Your body exploded.

You came with a scream you couldn’t hold back, legs locking around his hips, thighs trembling violently. Your whole body jolted, shaking uncontrollably.

A rush of wetness came out of you, soaking his cock, your thighs, the floor beneath you. His mouth dropped open in pure awe, and he grunted so loud it bordered on a moan, hips jerking up into you as he fucked you through it.

“Jesus fucking Christ—” he choked, watching it happen, feeling it happen. “You just—fuck—look at you.”

You kept riding, mindless, gasping, wrecked. You couldn’t stop. Couldn’t slow down. You were still coming, clenching around him like your body never wanted to let go.

“Fuck yes,” he breathed, grabbing your jaw, lips brushing yours, licking into your mouth as your orgasm dragged on and on. “Soak me. Just like that. Fuck—again.”

Your body spasmed against his, thighs twitching, still trembling all over his lap. Your slick was everywhere. It was all slippery, hot, soaked with everything you had just poured out onto him.

And he loved every goddamn second of it.

You were still trembling. Still pulsing around the ghost of his cock, still soaked between your thighs, dripping down both of you onto the floor, your thighs sticky, twitching, flushed with heat and oversensitivity.

And then he looked down. Saw it.

The glistening between your legs. The shine of your cum smeared on his lap, your thighs, the floor. And something in him snapped again.

“Holy shit—” he breathed, chest heaving. “I’mma fucking eat you out right now.”

“Wait—what—Seungmin—no, I—”

He dropped to his stomach like gravity had dragged him down, hands spreading your thighs open so hard your hips tilted with the motion. He pushed you back by the hips, bent you near in half on the floor, your knees pressing up toward your chest, and then gripped you hard by the ass and the backs of your thighs to hold you in place.

You were open. Completely. Held down, held wide, helpless.

“Seungmin—fuck—wait—”

But he was already there.

[twt link]

[reminder: this video has very explicit content. it’s PORN. you don't have to watch it to continue the story, k?]

His mouth crashed into your pussy with a filthy, soaking slurp, lips sealed around your folds, tongue flickering immediately, fast and greedy. He moaned the second he tasted you, deep in his chest like he couldn’t believe how wet you still were, like he needed to drown in it.

“Fuck—” he gasped against you, then shoved his face in deeper. “You taste—fuck—so good, holy shit—”

You screamed.

The way his tongue moved, fast, sharp flicks right over your clit, then slower, broader licks down through your folds, tasting every inch of you like he was trying to memorize it.

His nose bumped your clit while his tongue flattened beneath it. Then he’d switch, flick flick flick, until your hips were jerking up involuntarily, your legs shaking. You tried to pull away, tried to close your thighs, but his hands were locked around the backs of them, forcing your knees tight to your chest.

You could feel his fingers digging into your skin.

His moans vibrated straight through your cunt. He shook his head with his tongue out, fast and messy, dragging his mouth through your slick, smearing it all over his lips and jaw and groaning at the taste like it was the only thing he ever wanted again.

“Fuck, I’m gonna stay here all night,” he gasped, then buried his face back between your thighs. “I don’t care—fucking—look at this mess—god.”

The sounds, fuck, the sounds.

Every wet slurp, every obscene flick of his tongue, every slick drag of his mouth, it was loud, filthy, echoing off the walls like he was fucking you with his tongue alone. He was sucking, licking, spitting on your clit just to lap it back up, letting it run down his chin while you begged him to stop.

Your fingers clawed at his shoulders, trying to pull him off, body twitching violently. “Too much—Seungmin—fuck—please—”

But he just groaned, and held you down tighter.

His tongue didn’t stop. His mouth didn’t stop. He was lost in it, obsessed.

He shook his head again, fast, rough, tongue flicking like he was trying to make you squirt again just from this. He moaned into your pussy like he needed to taste you to breathe, hips rutting into the floor beneath him, completely gone.

And the way he looked up at you from between your thighs, his mouth red, chin soaked, that puppy eyes blown wide, God.

You were sobbing now.

Your body was shaking, slick dripping down your ass, thighs twitching in his hands. His mouth hadn’t left you once. Not for air. Not for mercy. Nothing.

“Seungmin— please—fuck—I can’t— I—”

You were whimpering, crying, trying to twist away from his mouth, but his grip on the backs of your thighs only tightened. He still had you bent nearly in half, legs pinned against your chest, your pussy wide fucking open for his tongue. He was still moaning. Still fucking devouring you.

His face was soaked, chin, cheeks, mouth, everything covered in your slick. He looked ruined, obsessed, cock still hard under him as he shook his head, tongue dragging over your clit over and over like he needed you to break again.

Then it hit you. So hard.

It started in your stomach, coiled like a whip, and then snapped.

Your whole body seized, thighs locking around his head as you came, again, violently. The orgasm slammed through you like lightning, sharp and wet, your cry breaking in your throat as you clenched your legs around his face, body completely out of your control.

You came so hard you made a wet mess all over again, right into his mouth, onto his tongue, down his chin.

And god, he didn’t stop.

He groaned into your cunt, deep and loud, like it was everything he wanted, like he was trying to drink your orgasm straight out of you. His tongue kept moving, fast and sloppy, flicking your clit even as you cried, licking you through it like a man starved.

Your thighs trembled around his head, squeezing, crushing, and he loved it. Let you hold him there while he moaned, letting his face be soaked. The filthy wet sound of him eating you out echoed through the room like music, his mouth working, his nose nudging your swollen clit, his tongue never stopping.

Your whole body convulsed against the floor. Your nails dragged at his scalp.

He licked you through it all.

Even as you cried. Even as you begged. Even as your body kept shaking, kept twitching, pussy throbbing and leaking and dripping into his mouth.

And when you finally collapsed back onto the floor, chest rising and falling like you had run miles, he looked up at you.

Face covered in your cum, lips swollen, eyes glazed. Licked his bottom lip, slow and smug. Like he had just been fucking fed.

Your breath was wrecked. Your chest rising in sharp, uneven gasps as you tried to come down, twitching on the floor, body soaked and sensitive and so fucking used.

He looked fucked out, but the way he stared at you? Still hungry.

His fingers reached for yours, gentle, finally, and he guided your trembling hand to his face.

“You feel that?” he muttered, voice rough, breathy, thick with arousal and pride.

And you did.

Your fingers slid across his cheek, his jaw, his lips, and all of it was drenched. Your slick was smeared across every inch of his mouth, dripping down to his chin. Warm. Sticky. Yours.

You swallowed, eyes locked on him, lips parted in something between awe and disbelief.

“You did this,” he murmured.

You whimpered. And then he climbed up.

Slow, controlled, crawling over your trembling body until his mouth was over yours. And when he kissed you?

God.

It was filthy.

His tongue pushed in deep, immediately. His lips smeared yours with your own slick, your taste all over him, hot and wet and shameless. The kiss wasn’t sweet. It wasn’t soft.

It was fucking raw.

Messy. Hungry. Tongues sliding, breath shared, moans swallowed.

And you kissed him back.

Fingers tangling in his hair, dragging his mouth harder against yours like you didn’t care if you could breathe again. His weight on top of you, the heat of his body pressing into every oversensitive inch.

Then, your hand slid down.

Right between your bodies. Right into the mess.

You found his cock, hard as fuck, throbbing against his stomach, and grabbed it.

He groaned into your mouth, hips jerking forward on instinct.

You started stroking him, slow at first, fingers wet from yourself, sliding easily from tip to base. He was so hot, so heavy in your palm, and the way he fucking twitched in your grip...

“You’re leaking,” you whispered against his lips, voice thick with heat as your hand moved lower, stroking harder, your slick still coating him like lube. You twisted your wrist, thumb teasing just under the head. “You were going to cum just from tasting me?”

He groaned, loud, his head falling into the crook of your neck like he couldn’t even look at you.

“Fuck,” he breathed, hips twitching. “I almost did. Fucking you and tasting your mess right after? God, that was fucking delicious…”

You smiled, slow and mean, dragging your palm up the length of him again, this time slower.

His cock jumped in your grip.

You kept stroking. Steady, lazy, cruel. The kind of pace that made him ache. You let your thumb circle the head, barely applying pressure, then gave it a soft pat like you were teasing a bruise.

“Jesus—” he choked, hips grinding down into your palm, desperate for more. His thighs flexed, his cock twitching, whole body trembling now.

“Look at you,” you murmured, licking your lips. “All worked up from my taste…”

And then you shifted, pushed him gently back until he was the one on the floor now, flat on his back.

“My turn.”

You said it like a promise. Like a warning.

Before he could even gasp, you were already going down on him.

Your mouth wrapped around the head of his cock in one smooth motion, tongue swirling slow and wet while your hand kept working his base.

And Seungmin? He broke.

“F-Fuck—fuck—” he gasped, head snapping back, hand flying to your hair like he needed to hold onto something. “Oh my god—”

You moaned softly around him, letting the sound vibrate through his cock as you sank lower, cheeks hollowing as you sucked.

He was already falling apart. Chest rising in frantic pants. Thighs trembling. And then he started to whine.

Not just moaning, whining. High, broken, helpless little sounds that spilled out of him like he didn’t even know he was making them.

“Shit—please—I’m gonna—fuck, I’m gonna fucking—please don’t stop—”

You had never heard him like this before. Sobbing. Literally sobbing under you. Fisting your hair, rutting up into your mouth, his whole body twitching like he couldn’t take it.

His voice was wrecked, hoarse, trembling as he begged, "You’re gonna fucking kill me."

And you just kept going, tongue flicking the tip, sucking hard, then slow. Your hand stroking in sync, watching him lose it beneath you.

Watching him fall apart.

Because of you.

His cock was twitching hard in your grip, his moans falling apart into broken curses, his body tensing under your other hand as his thighs kept jerking, hips stuttering like his body couldn’t decide if it wanted to run or stay.

So you pulled off with a slick pop. Let his cock fall from your lips, spit still connecting your mouth to the flushed, leaking head.

You stuck your tongue out, right at the tip.

"Come on," you whispered, voice thick with heat, lips curled into a smile. “Show me how bad you need it.”

Then you fisted him, fast and ruthless. Your hand worked him up and down, tight and wet, your spit coating his shaft, mixing with his precum. Your tongue stayed right on his tip, dragging slowly over the slit as you jerked him, just enough friction to make him scream.

“F-fuck yes—Oh, fuck!” He threw his head back, spine arching, hips bucking hard into your hand.

“Holy fuck—I—fuck—I’m—”

It hit him hard, cock throbbing violently in your hand as thick ropes of cum spilled out, right onto your tongue. The first spurt splashed hot across it, the next down your knuckles, dripping onto your wrist, your hand never stopping, stroking him through it.

You moaned, tongue still out, letting it drool down the sides as his release kept coming. Hot, sticky mess, your spit mixing with it until it was dripping off your chin, down his cock, across your fingers.

Seungmin sobbed.

Guttural, shaking moans, his hips jerking helplessly with each wave of pleasure crashing through him.

“FUCK—fuck, fuck—” he gasped, trying to breathe, hand fisted in your hair like an anchor. “That was—fuckin’ insane—oh my god—”

His cock twitched again, one last pulse of cum spilling onto your waiting tongue, and you just took it. Eyes on him the whole time, filthy and proud, tongue coated, hand soaked.

He looked down at you, chest still heaving, body spent.

And all he could do was stare.

Like he had never seen anything more obscene. More perfect.

Like you just ruined him.

“Jesus,” Seungmin muttered, voice still hoarse, eyes blown wide as he looked at the wreckage between you two. “We didn’t even make it to the bed.”

You laughed, low, breathless, totally fucked out. Your legs were still trembling. His cum and your slick were everywhere, your thighs, your hand, the floor. You glanced around the room and just laughed harder.

The last time this happened, you had both been drunk. Clumsy hands, dizzy kisses, moaning into each other’s mouths without thinking. But this? This time?

It was the first thing you wanted the second you walked in. You didn’t reach for drinks. You reached for each other. You drank each other up.

You wiped your hand on what was left of your shirt, then leaned toward him. “Is it dangerous that I also came hoping you’d be here?” You echoed it back to him, voice soft, but soaked with meaning.

He looked at you. Smirked.

“Well…” he said, glancing down at the slick trail across your thighs, at the floor beneath you both, still wet and warm. “Based on the way we’re fucking drenched on the floor, yeah—it is.”

You both started laughing again, tired, wrecked, grinning like idiots.

“Fuck,” you breathed, eyes meeting his again. “Can’t wait till the next meeting then.”

He tilted his head, tongue poking into his cheek.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling back. “Me too.”

—

+++ authors note: bro. when i saw that fucking video... i almost passed out. that was one of the HOTTEST fucking things i've ever seen. and the fact that i saw it with seungmin on my mind? holy. fucking. shit.

taglist @velvetmoonlght @anjian03 @nightmarenyxx @nebugalaxy @annyeongffs @hanjisunnnng @fawnoverdawn <3 (taglist post)

special tag to my br girlie <3 @akatsubakii!! essa aqui foi BEM visual, amg!!! hahaha

twt link op: when minnie said he would eat you up, he meant it.

[bnghvn]

[theneverendingwaterfall]

He’s so cute

[beanhardy]

‘English isn’t my first language’

I’m about to read the most breathtaking, soul crushing, emotional orgasm inducing piece of literature man kind has ever been blessed with.

[neokollection]

BTS Gifs That Hurt Me

[k1tk4ttt]

How I feel reading smut while being scared of intimacy in real life

[avrildelrey]

~Missing Piece~

The one where you and AB realise your each others missing piece

⟡ ݁₊ . if you would like to read the break up click here ⟡ ݁₊ .

~slight angst, yearning~

🎶don’t smile because it happened, baby, cry because it’s over🎶

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

It had been three months. Three months since AB last saw your face in person— last heard your laugh, saw your twinkly eyes and the smile that took over your whole face. He wasn’t doing well. Holed up in the grotto, not wanting to do anything or see anyone. He never fully understood when people said heartbreak could destroy you, but now he did. God, did he understand. He would do anything to go back to that night, convince you to give him one more chance. But it was over.

It had been three months. Three months since you last felt his warm embrace, giggling at his way with words. Some days you thought you’d made the wrong decision, that it was too hasty. Others, you felt better for it, feeling yourself going back to the way you were— happy and stress free. You still missed him, loved him even. But it was for the best.

AB knew he should’ve blocked you the moment you fled his house, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead he’s checking your instagram everyday to see what you’ve been up to, not that you posted a lot, so that meant he would just scroll through the same 5 posts you had up. Proper stalker shit he thought.

You did the same, occasionally. You limited yourself to once a week, else it’d drive you crazy— it already was. It helped that his whole job was posting on the internet so you never went without new things to look at.

You didn’t think there was a chance you’d run into him again, but when you received a message from one of AB’s hometown friends asking you to come to her birthday barbecue, you almost declined, until she reassured you that he wouldn’t be there due to work.

Typical, you thought, rolling your eyes. Of course he was still putting work over everything else. At least it was only his friends that had to deal with that now and not you.

It was now the day of the barbecue. So you made the long drive up to her house and booked yourself a hotel to stay at. Luckily it was a warm and sunny day, meaning you could wear a cute summer dress.

You drank some liquid courage whilst in your hotel room, nervous to see all these people again. It warmed your heart that you were still invited, considering they were AB’s friends and not yours. You were also relieved he wasn’t going to be there, not prepared to see him again so soon.

When you arrived everyone greeted you with enthusiasm, asking what you’d been up to with no mentions of him. You actually found yourself having fun. But that spell was broken when there was a commotion inside followed by a voice you’d recognise anywhere.

You made your way over to the table lined with food to busy yourself, whilst everyone else went inside to greet the unexpected visitor. Panic started to fill your chest, you couldn’t be here if he was. You prayed that there was a storm right now, so that lighting could come and strike you down. That would be less painful then the inevitable conversation you were about to have.

You heard everyone move outside, but you didn’t turn around, not ready to see him yet.

You had just about built the courage to go back to your seat when you heard it.

“Y/N?” AB called out softly, in disbelief that you were stood right in front of him. He knew you’d be here, that was a part of the reason he came. But actually seeing you was a different story.

When you turned around to look at him, all the words got lost at the back of his throat. You were practically glowing, looking beyond beautiful in a dress he didn’t recognise. He eyed the same necklace you always wore, feeling as if no time had passed— that nothing bad had happened between you two. He wanted to reach out and touch you— kiss you even, but that wasn’t his place anymore.

“AB.” You replied, breathless. You felt as if you might pass out, nerves wracking your whole body.

“How’re you?” He asked tentatively.

“Yeah, um, good. Yeah.” You responded, fumbling over your words.

“Good.” He said, looking around awkwardly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

“Urm, you?” You questioned, wishing all this tension would disappear.

“Uhh, good.” He paused. “Listen, could we go somewhere to talk or something?” He looked at you, eyes pleading.

You couldn’t imagine what he wanted to talk about— you were broken up. You think back to that night where he didn’t have much to say, maybe he’s going to chew you out now that he’s had three months to mull over it.

You reluctantly nod your head, allowing him to lead the way. You both leave the party without saying anything to anyone.

“Uhh, we are, um going back, right?” You asked, startling him, feeling bad for your Irish goodbye.

“Yeah. yeah, course.” He replied, turning around to look at you. He wanted to add a little joke as he always did but there was too much tension between you two.

You didn’t say anything in response, simply trailing behind him as he lead you god knows where.

You make it to the end of the street where there’s a small path leading to a field. You both kept walking for a few more seconds until you came across a log-turned bench. AB takes a seat, patting the spot next to him for you to sit down.

“What did you want to talk about?” You asked, after cautiously sitting next to him. The bench was small, meaning your arms brushed against each other and thighs touched. Butterflies swarmed your stomach and tingles ran down your body from his close proximity. Good to know you were still affected by his touch— his warmth.

“Right. Yeah. Well, I just wanted to apologise for being a prick ‘n that. Ya know, not paying enough attention, neglecting you all o’that.” He said, rubbing his hands together, not looking at you.

You sit for a minute, processing what he said. God he was such a man, no good at apologising. You wanted to laugh at how he was still so himself.

“Is that the best you could come up with?” You chuckled softly.

“Uhh.” He stammered, finally looking at you. “I did have somethin’ better to say, but I forgot, I’ll be honest.” He said, scratching his head.

“Right, okay.” You respond, quietly.

You were about to say something else but he interrupted you, “I, uhh, I wrote you somethin’ though. I know it’s probably bare cringe n’that but like, I know you’re into that romantic stuff, n’shit.”

He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket, handing it to you gently.

“Don’t read it now, make me feel even more embarrassed. Like a little simp or something.” He awkwardly chuckled.

“What, apologising makes you a simp now?” You rolled your eyes.

“No. No, I didn’t mean it like that, s’joke.” He said hurriedly.

“I know, s’okay.” You reassured, noticing the panicked look on his face.

You know he didn’t mean it in a bad way, that was just him and you loved it— loved him and his awkward yet endearing ways. You wouldn’t change anything about him, well maybe the completely ignoring you part, if it wasn’t for that you’d imagine you’d still be together. But what’s done is done.

“You’re not driving all the way back home are ya?” He questioned, concerned.

You shook your head, “no. No, I’ve been drinking. Got a hotel.”

“A hotel?!” He looked at you in disbelief.

“Well I’m hardly gonna be knocking at your door. Didn’t even know you were around.” You shrugged your shoulders.

“No, yeah, that’s fair.” He mumbled, forgetting the only reason you came was because you thought he wouldn’t be there. It devastated him when he found that out. However, it gave him more motivation to try to make it— he had to make it, not only to spite you but he needed to talk to you, give you the letter he’d wrote. Chip had suggested it as a joke, winding him up as per usual, but he knew you’d really appreciate it. I mean the birthday card he gave you brought you to tears and he didn’t even think he wrote anything that nice.

“Shall we get back?” You suggested, standing up, brushing any dirt off your dress.

You folded the piece of paper AB gave you even smaller and stuffed it in your bra. If he found it weird he didn’t say anything, just a simple lift of the left side of his mouth in acknowledgment to what you’d just done.

“Sure, okay.” He said, getting up reluctantly, not wanting to end this conversation with you. He knew as soon as you’d get back to the party, you’d no longer bother with him. He could only hope the letter would convince you to see him again.

You lead the way, walking in front of him as you didn’t want him to try to speak to you, finding it too awkward.

When you made it back, no one asked you where you went or what you and AB spoke about. You appreciated it, as much as they were treating you like glass about to break.

The night waned on, you switched from alcohol to water, not wanting to go to bed spinning or waking up hungover. Plus you were conscious of the letter in your bra and you wanted a clear head when you read it.

You and AB didn’t speak again, but you stole glances of him the whole night. He was still so unbelievably hot, maybe even more so. You’d gone three months without seeing him in person so you were trying to soak it all up. AB did the same to you, wanting nothing more than to kiss the lipstick off your lips. Your hair had gotten lighter too, probably from being out in the sun all summer— it suited you. Well anything would suit you, he thought.

You decided it was time to go home, this time saying bye to everyone before leaving, hugging and kissing the birthday girl on the cheek whilst waving at everyone else. You spared once last glance at AB, the pair of you locking eyes, he sent you a small, handsome smile and then you were gone.

You got an uber to the hotel, eager to get into bed and read the letter. Once in the room, you ripped your clothes off and replaced them with your far comfier pjs.

Finally, settled in bed, you opened the letter and started to read.

To Y/N,

I’m writing this letter as I’m not good at speaking, at least not properly. Plus I know you find stuff like this romantic so I’m hoping this works in my favour. Please allow all the cheesiness that will follow and remember how funny and badass I can be. Anyway, on with the wooing you. I didn’t think I was a relationship typa guy, not until I met you. Getting to love you has been the best part of my life, better then all the shit on the internet. I’d do anything to go back and change the way I was. I know now how much I took you for granted and I shouldn’t have done. No dopamime dopamine hit from the likes or other bullshit could come close to the dopamine hit off you. Simply being stood next to you, brings me so much happiness and comfort. I saw us growing old together, living in a different grotto in the woods, arguing about which newspaper was better, or whatever it is old people fight about. I wanted you to bite my head off whilst you’re in labour or sit there and complain about how much the tax man takes. I mean road tax is a joke, every other fucking road has a pothole in it. Anyway, back to the point. I wanted to be good cop to our kids so they would like me more and you could handle all the admin of telling them off (i’m joking :)) but still, I want those things with you, tbh I think I always will, you’re a pretty fucking stand up girl. I mean even my mum was heartbroken over the break up, which isn’t a surprise as she loves you almost as much as I do. The almost is very important there cause no one could love you even HALF as much as I do and I could never love anyone the way I love you. If someone asked me never drink a white monster again or never love you again, the monsters gone, finished. Anyway, I hope this hasn’t ruined my cool, nonchalant guy persona and you don’t think of me as a little neek, well even if you do, I’ll be your neek :) Please call me, anything, whatever, doesn’t matter. You airing me after this is pretty peak lol. I genuinely do love you and your big tits beautiful eyes so much.

Love, forever and always, your AB xx

p.s i’ll make the makeup sex sooo worth it :)) just kidding, that was a joke. remember all the romantic shit i wrote!!!

You laughed at his ridiculousness and inability to stay serious. Still you were blubbering like a baby as soon as you got to the second sentence. No one had ever done something like this for you, and the fact that he did it because he knew you’d love it, made it even more special.

You didn’t care what the time was anymore, you knew what you had to do. Ripping the duvet covers off you, you were up and out your hotel room, still in your pjs that had seen better days, calling an uber to take you to where you were meant to be— the grotto.

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚

omg idk why this took me so long to write!! i hope you loved it tho, i’m not sure how i feel abt it. anyway look out for part three!!

see you in the next one xx