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ilytimdrakeugayball

bruce whos been awake for 56 hours: cass can you pass me the case file?

damian: ...what

bruce: sorry i mean jason,wait no, dick. uhm Stephanie, i mean tim, no wait duke. alfred? no uhm barbara. wait ace.

damian:thats our dog father

bruce:alfred pennyworth the cat?

damian:

bruce: damian, i mean damian.

damian: leaves.

bonus!!:

bruce whos been awake for 56 hours: cass can you pass me the case file?

tim whos also been awake for 56 hours: sure thing clark one washing machine coming up.

catboybatman

The real reason batman has such a long cape is to hide his 7 inch platform boots

ameba-from-space

And all of his children

ameba-from-space

Why would you hide this in the tags

ameba-from-space

Do I have to repeat myself

frownyalfred

“Dick and Bruce pretend not to know each other in the JL” but it’s *Batman* who gets injured and the founders won’t let new kid Nightwing in to see broken-cowl, potentially-identity-compromising Bruce in the med bay

assdhghldhgg

Clark standing guard at the medbay door: “we can’t let you in. his secret identity could be—”

Dick: “Bruce Wayne.”

Clark: “—what?”

Dick: “Bruce Wayne. Now let me in.”

that-hazbin

Alastor needs to say things like "how queer" and "gay ol' time" and "don't let it become a fetish" and "that was a massive boner" all using the older meanings of the words and I NEED to see the reactions of the people who heard him say it

I want it to get progressively worse until someone is like "he HAS to be doing this on purpose he HAS TO" except he is, in fact, not doing it on purpose in the sense that he understands the double entendres.

He's just noticed that people are reacting to him using older slang and decided this was a fun pastime.

polliloppl

☆ DC ☆

Need me a fanfic where Batman is such a cutely stupid dad and is just fussing over Jason in front of the Justice League (and Jason letting him because he's such a daddy's boy) like

Batman, with a deep and unemotional voice: " That's Jason, my sweet boy. And he's such a polite and darling gentleman. His favourite activity is to read and he's so calm and gentle and smart. So lovely and adorable, my precious little baby ☺💐"

The baby in question is 20 years old, fit and athletic, bigger and taller than Batman himself, looking like as if he could (and would) fight most of the JL and win, with several guns visibly attached to his suit, who is doing his very best to antagonize the JL at any given moment just for fun, BUT ☝ stops as soon as Batman is in the room, hugs and cuddles and is genuinely happy to talk with him, and generally acts like the most behaved and well-mannered son ever and "of course I'm a good boy Green Lantern. As if would ever misbehave. That would break Batman's heart and I couldn't possibly do that to him, I mean that's my dad I love him!"

And Batman's all like "Aww Jason I love you too son. I'm so proud of you my sweet boy ☺" and he just doesn't. know that Jason is that much of a little shit that he's antagonizing and gaslighting all of Batman's colleagues just because he wants to stay his dad's little baby.

And Batman's all in denial and never believes it whenever someone tries to tell him about what Jason's doing behind his back and he just cannot understand why the JL is always like "Bro, u braindead 💀????"

gorefatale

I'll die on the hill that Bruce's favorite love language with Damian is physical touch

ratinapinksuit

Put Hal Jordan and Bruce Wayne in an extremely difficult escape room. I wanna see which one comes out alive

javieyau

Both. Bruce has a no kill rule.

thememedaddy

bellabs-dream-lab

Just remembered I had this screenshot on my phone somewhere and had to post it here because it really speaks to me

imsorrybruce

Jason asks Bruce if they have a history of cancer in the family and Bruce says yes and gets worried about passing it on to Jason and they talk about that seriously for 30 minutes before Remembering

brucie-baby

imsorrybruce

Jason asks Bruce if they have a history of cancer in the family and Bruce says yes and gets worried about passing it on to Jason and they talk about that seriously for 30 minutes before Remembering

aroacesafeplaceforall

“Aroace people are predators!” To who? Fucking garlic bread??

javieyau

we will not tolerate garlic bread slander

kitsunesongs

I think an au where Angel Dust and Alastor knew each other in life would be kind of funny. Let's say Angel died at 37 and since every source I found said he died in 1947 that would make him around 22 in 1932.

As for how they'd meet, full disclaimer, I do not know how organized crime works so I'm going to pretend it works like a business and has branches. So let's say that he was sent to make sure a branch near New Orleans was staying in line and not trying to break away but things go south. Anthony/Angel gets attacked and kidnapped as soon as he steps foot in the area and Alastor happens to see.

From Alastor's perspective a tourist just got snatched up by the local mafia and it would look terribly suspicious if he stood around and did nothing, so he goes on the hunt. Through series of hijinks he gets an unconscious Anthony into a getaway car (the driver is one of Mimzy's girls that stuck around) and engages in a car chase that does include guns until the last of their pursuers goes off the road. They end up bringing him to a hospital to get treated for the injuries sustained.

Pro: Alastor gains a life debt that will become relevant.

Con: Angel takes the life debt very seriously and Alastor Does Not Like It At All.

Added lore: life debts are more powerful than soul deals because they're backed by both Lilith, and Eve. If a soul deal brings harm or could bring harm to the person owed the life debt, the contract will be dissolved as soon as the debt is realized.

Anyways, somewhere between season 1 and 2 Charlie does a bonding activity with the main cast (Lucifer included because funny) that includes everyone's first memory of someone else in the room from their perspective, thoughts included.

Everyone goes until only two are left, Angel's first memory of Alastor and Alastor's first memory of Angel.

Angel's perspective is fuzzy because of the combination of drugs and concussion, though it isn't hard to tell what's happening. And the last thing he thinks before passing out is "Mom?"

Alastor's perspective is much clearer, they see Angel getting kidnapped and Alastor coming to the conclusion that rescuing him would be an immoral thing to do because it would 'benefit him'. One of the lines in his internal dialog is "It's not like I'm capable of being a good person, so everything I do must be self-serving." They see him crossdress and use the tricks Mimzy taught him to find out where the local mafia takes their hostages and use his other skills to get in. It does include him knocking out a mafioso and wearing their clothes to gain access. They see him smuggle Angel out but someone discovers the unconscious mafioso and sounds the alarm. They see the car chase and Alastor shooting out tires and drivers when he can. They see him stay in the hospital until he's told Anthony is stable. The memory ends with Alastor thinking "Of course I'm not good. A person with a shred of virtue would stay until he wakes up."

Effect: Because of the realized life debt, Angel's hypnosis is broken, and the boost of power granted by it dissolves his contract with Valentino.

End result: Alastor gains a trigger-happy guard spider that he Did Not Ask For. Eventual RadioDust.

This got really long, sorry about that. I just wanted to get this all out at once.

I like this!

Except - the reason the life debt is stronger has nothing to do with Lilith or Eve, cause I don't think Lilith has anything to do with deals in canon - its just an aspect of the soul/magic. Of course willingly saving someones life, possibly via endangering your own, is stronger then a contract! And Life Debts have to be willingly acknowledged to fully settle in, but once they do - whoo boy.

(Also, I fully believe the issue with Angel's contract with Val is actually pretty easily broken, that he can just quit - his problem with him isn't the deal. It's the abuse and the difficulty of escaping an abusive partner, and also about the abuse of sex workers. So maybe, rather then dissolving his deal with Valentino, it gives him the strength to quit? I just...I hate Angel being 'rescued'. I think the point of his story is to rescue himself, cause you can't save someone from an abusive relationship, they'll just go back to him. They need to realise its abusive and LEAVE.)

I love this!

randomreader92

I've had an obsession with ingrown halos for a while now, but saw some old art from ains-art and their (#deer and kinship) series. And, of course, thought of Alastor.

Imagine a version of Reluctant Redemption AU, where something reveals that Alastor is Redeemed? And Charlie is so excited. She doesn't understand why Alastor doesn't want to go to Heaven. After all, that's amazing! 🤩

So she goes to the portal and begs for audience with anyone. Maybe it's Sera because she's on edge with Pentious being redeemed. Only for Charlie to reveal that someone else was redeemed, but didn't go to Heaven. Of course, Sera doesn't mention Pentious. But she does ask for Alastor to be brought here. Since, if he's an Angel, he should be able to walk among them.

Alastor 'humours' Charlie, because he doesn't really get a choice.

Sera demands he stays. But he actually refuses. Saying he only came here to prove redemption was possible. That he, himself, had never meant to be redeemed. His life is in Hell!

Charlie asks if they could compromise? Alastor stays for a bit, and gets to see paradise, but can leave with Charlie the next time she comes back. And she'll be back in a week! That way, Alastor can at least get to know if Heaven isn't where he wants to stay.

Alastor is horribly distressed because they won't let him interact with anyone besides Pentious and Emily. He's not allowed the same freedoms as Pentious because of his record as the Radio Demon. He's also recovering from ripping out his own wings and shattering his halo. So, when he still shows destructive behavior towards his own body, Sera decides to take drastic measures.

See, Winners are like Sinners. They will heal from anything other than Angelic Steel. So when she tells the medical staff to make his halo ingrown, it's technically a temporary fix. It's not meant to be permanent. Just until he's fully healed. And until they can make their debates with the council.

The halo pierced over his death mark, by coincidence. From the front, it looks like a star is crawling out of his forehead. Mimicking a unicorn's horn. But if someone looked at the back of Alastor's head, the other end pierced through.

A holy lobotomy.

(Vox is causing a mess for Charlie, while insighting an insurrection. He's pissed that Alastor isn't even around to harass or stalk. Then he finds out that Alastor went to Heaven. Supposed to be temporary, but might become permanent, if the princess is to be believed.

He kicks off trying to invade Heaven, gets Lucifer into the weapon, and is doing his best to lead a smear campaign against the Hotel and Heaven.

It all leads to the point of Pentious and Alastor being revealed as Ascended. But there's a caveat.

Alastor is still lobotomized.

And Vox can tell.

He's from the age of many people being lobotomized. He's sending people going through that. He knows Alastor wouldn't act half the way he was if he was in a right state of mind. Wouldn't be soft and docile. Clinging to Pentious as if terrified of the world. Wouldn't have such wide die eyes. There's two parts warring in Vox. The part that sees this and is horrified. And the part that wants.)

Was there inspiration for this from The Last Unicorn, because my first thought for Alastor's halo design and more dazed/placid personality was Lady Amalthea!

I can't imagine Alastor agreeing to staying in Heaven for any amount of time unless Rosie (is she wants the Hotel to succeed) orders him to or, more interestingly, his mother is bought in to stay with him, and she get witness Alastor's horrifying holy lobotomy over time. Perhaps she joins Sir Pentious in trying to get them all back to Hell.

Heck, imagine Charlie's reaction when she sees exactly what Vox is screaming about when she sees Alastor's wide innocent(?) eyes and lost expression, realises what Heaven did to her partner and parental figure and how she was the one to put him in this situation.

the-ghost-of-my-bones

Oof, there's typos in my ask lol. It was supposed to say *seen not sending. And doe not die. 😂

Yeah, honestly, going with Rosie pulling this shit. Mainly cause I want her to feel bad. Amalthea was part of the inspo, but it was mainly seeing the Deer and Kinship art series from @anis-art because of the star being pulled out and bloody at one point. Especially seeing as the series is about abuse from those who you were supposed to trust to love you. Especially the first one!

"Why do you feel entitled to me?"

Charlie realizing she truly can't trust Heaven. That even with proof Sinners can be redeemed, those that are redeemed aren't promised kindness.

the-ghost-of-my-bones

Also, @randomreader92 the idea Vox saw Alastor like this and immediately started screaming is making my brain itch.

The horror of seeing someone you love no longer there. That's their body. That's their face. Those are their eyes. But there is nothing left of them person they use to be behind them.

No one knows that this is temporary. Sera just did it! Emily had no clue that Alastor wasn't always like this, because she never met him.