Choose Love, Life, & Something Caffeinated

poet, artist, mentally ill (Anything with J.T.S. or jayteecreates/jayteeshaw on it is written by me and is therefore my copywritten material, please do not remove credit! thanks!)

[kafk-a]

Mary Oliver

[scienceninjaturtle]

[sunshineandkindness]

You being alive is enough. ✨🦋 i'm so proud of you for being alive. 🌻🌈🌸

[traitspourtraits]

[paulfrankjuliusthemonkey]

HOW TO FEEL YOUR FEELINGS, 2021, by Yumi Sakugawa

[artsyolivia]

[lomasdope]

cuddling in bed and falling asleep together is probably one of the best feelings in a relationship.

[radiantquotes]

“You are so much more than the people who couldn’t love you enough to stay. What is meant for you will always find you. Always.”

[jayteeshaw]

How My Experience With Dysphoric Mania Led to a Psychiatric Hospitalization

"My mind was filled with intrusive thoughts."

[harmony-is-happiness]

[jayteeshaw]

[jayteeshaw]

[jayteeshaw]

[jayteeshaw]

[jayteeshaw]

12.20.2019

[jayteeshaw]

In the past month...

No honestly it’s literally been not even a couple of weeks

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar type 2.  I’ve had my medications changed from zoloft back to latuda. I was taken off the trazodone I’ve been taking to sleep. I’ve had a shift from hypomania to manic depression. I finally started to feel a little better. My dad had a heart attack on Sunday. Everything is up in the air again.  It’s 2015 all over again.

Supposedly this is his third. But I don’t remember when his second heart attack happened. Does that make me a bad son?

I left work early on Sunday when it happened.  I called out on Monday so I could be more easily accessible. I found out he was home yesterday right before therapy. My therapist thought it was a good idea for me to let my cooperating counselor know about my situation so I texted her. She told me to take a mental health day today. Here I am. Sitting in bed watching netflix and writing. Well typing. I’m typing so much. I’m typing in all different places. Sharing my thoughts with this computer screen.  With the internet. With the void. I’ve been awake since like 4:45am  I spent all night waking up and going back to sleep Over and over and over and over The CBD isn’t helping my anxiety. Melatonin gives me ridiculous dreams. I’ve ordered a weighted blanket in hopes of getting a sound night of sleep. (Here’s to hoping). Sleep is needed.  Relaxation is needed. Vulnerability is necessary.

[addict-by-design]

Darkness

My mind is darkness

A black hole

Void of all composure

These hands

Are not my hands

But the hands of someone else

Or many someones

I shake at the thought of them being mine

This mind

Molded by the hands of others

By their words

Ideas

Thoughts

Of who I should be

And what I should do

The anxiety

Of taking it all back

Is exhausting

Overwhelmed

At the thought

Of becoming me

In a world

That wants to keep me

Under wraps

Because creativity

Is dangerous

Art

Is a weapon

And my voice

A ticking time  bomb

Waiting

To

Be

Heard

-J.T.S.