jellee's not art @jelleeblog - Tumblr Blog

Posts

welcome, traveler!

the gallery / storefront > https://jelleebun.tumblr.com/

pixel art, my main blog, mostly polished stuff, occasional fanart reblogs

the basement > YOU ARE HERE

memes, references, art talk, general food for thought

the shed > https://glitchbun.tumblr.com/

non-pixel sketch dumps + fanart of my random interests (mainly genshin / csm / hnk), cooking logs

imissthembutitwasntadisaster

"the world isn't kind" ok??? Much more importantly are you?????

whatsupwalnut

"the world isnt kind" skill issue. I am

inkieswirlsgaming

This is a threat

I don’t typically try to actively remember my youth because im too focused on the future, and it’s honestly been a while .. but recently I’m being confronted how much I’ve changed!!!

more specifically, I realized i’ve been trying to become the person I needed most at my darkest moments

:’) oh to be able to give my younger self a big hug

we’re gonna make it!!!!!! RAHGHGGHHHHH

#jellee.log

inkskinned

it's been said before and i'm sure said better than i can phrase it. but really, really - if you like making "i'm going to kill myself" jokes, please try switching to being ironically conceited instead.

anytime something goes wrong, say things like "ah well at least i'm beautiful and charming and everyone loves me." when you forget something, try "my big huge brain is so smart and thinking about too many other very big wizardly thoughts you wouldn't even understand." when you're frustrated by one of your symptoms, start talking like you're in My Immortal. "Life has come for me but my eyes are beautiful pools of gorgeous fire and my hair is amazing. I stuck my middle finger up at life and told it to fuck off and it did."

just... try it for a month or two. try saying the most absurdly self-congratulatory shit you can think of.

i know it's tempting to make suicide or self-harm jokes. and for me at least, a decade ago (!) when someone suggested i stop making those kinds of jokes, i was kind of at a loss for what to replace them with. i wanted to make light of these moments, but genuinely (at the time) my first thought really was suicidal ideation. there was a part of me that even felt like ... i was kind of "making light" of that voice. that if i could say i want to die lol, it would help take the sting out of that genuine (albeit passive) desire. like i could turn my illness into a joke.

when i started complimenting myself instead, it felt awkward and stupid. it felt really, really ironic. what i was actually saying was nobody would ever think this stuff about me, that's what makes it so fucking funny.

but. the effect was immediate. first thing i noticed was the people around me. when i dropped a glass and said ah my skin is too beautiful and sleek the glass has swooned and broken for me, other people were suddenly overjoyed to jump in with the joke. rather than making an awkward moment, we'd both start cracking up. ah princess sleek hands, i've heard of you.

i was 19. i hadn't noticed i'd been making others tense when i said i want it all to end. i know now that it's incredibly hard to know how to walk that moment - do you talk to them about your concern? do you potentially make them uncomfortable by asking if they're okay? do you ignore the situation? do you help them pick up the glass, or do they need to do it by themselves? are they genuinely made suicidal over this small moment? and most importantly, how do you - without professional training or supplies - actually help?

most people want to help you pick up the glass in your life, they just have no fucking idea how to do it. they don't want to make anything worse. they don't want to make assumptions about you. they love you, they're scared for you - and being scared makes people kind of freeze up. it's not because they don't love you. it's because they do.

now when something bad happens, my first thought is how can i make a stupid joke about this. it isn't my brain saying you're a dumb fucking bitch. i spend more time laughing. i spend more time being gentle with myself. i spend more time feeling good.

and the thing is - what's kind of funny - is that you'd be surprised by how many people agree with you. the first time i said i'm too pretty to understand that, someone else said to be fair you're the prettiest person in this room. i promise - you really don't know how kindly your friends see you. but they love you for a reason. they sort of reverse-velveteen-rabbit you. your weird and ugly spots fade away and you just become... the love they want to give you.

go love yourself ironically. the worst thing that happens is that you end up tricking your reflection into actually loving you.

rowark

Yes to all of this, and I want to highlight another important aspect to this...

Our brains contain a series of neural pathways - ie, neurons that function together. Your brain wants to function efficiently, so neurons that tend to fire together will be connected. This is not the scientific way to describe this obviously, but like, imagine trails in the woods... a trail that is walked over and over will be relatively clear and easy to follow, but if you want to go a different way, you may have to create your own trail, which is harder, and probably won't be easy for others to follow.

Neural pathways are kind of similar. The more times you think or say the same thing, the stronger that neural pathway becomes, and what started out as joking turns into a default setting in your brain.

This is also how positive affirmations work. They aren't this magic trick where you say this affirmation a few times and your life changes dramatically. It's a slow process of literally rewiring your brain. If you think you're stupid, you start telling yourself that you're smart and capable every day. It feels fake at first, but over time, you start to accept it, and your opinion of yourself changes.

But also, if you are calling yourself stupid all the time, you are going to approach life as a stupid person. You are going to think you can't do things before you even try, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But if you tell yourself you are smart and you are capable, your confidence increases. You start to try new things, and you learn and you grow. You become smarter because you told yourself you're smart.

It's not a fast process, but it compounds on itself. Your thoughts create your life, because your thoughts become what you say and do, and what you say and do is your life.

I also want to say something about passive suicidal ideation, because I have dealt with that my whole life, and I didn't think it was a big deal, because it was passive. I just figured it's a normal thing to think about, and as long as you aren't making plans, or even thinking seriously about how you would do it, it's fine.

But that's not true. All the research on this topic shows that passive suicidal ideation is very serious, because it can turn into actively suicidal at any time. It's not benign and it's not something that you should ignore or play down.

Passive suicidal ideation is thinking about suicide without making plans. Thinking (or saying) things like, "I want to die", "maybe I should just kill myself", etc are not benign thoughts. They are warning signs, and they shouldn't be ignored. Even if you never transition to being actively suicidal, you're hurting yourself mentally and emotionally, and something is causing that, whether it be a mental illness, or an external situation that is unhealthy for you, etc...

We live in a time where these thoughts and jokes are normalized... I literally made a joke like this yesterday, because it's a hard habit to break. Our brains are hardwired to favour negativity, because it was an evolutionary advantage at one point (ie, being hyper aware of dangers in order to survive), and it's important to recognize that and try not to feed into it as much as possible.

yardsards

but i stay silly! *←said in the most world-weary voice you ever did hear*

lillypadcrochet

candyskiez

Y'know when I went into mp100 I wasn't expecting to get hit in the face with "flawed kindness is better than no kindness and it's better to start becoming a better person for selfish reasons than it is to do nothing because you think you're beyond redemption and keep hurting people" but I am not complaining.

coalashslurry

we're running out of time to fuck it we ball....

bruntalism

fuck it we ballcalypse

bruntalism

2025 fully develop brainaissance

degenerateshinji

you hit friendship 4 and he just gossips about his ex job

mmm-asbestos

my favorite sopping wet beast

cryptonature

You know that idealized version of yourself that haunts you with guilt about what you haven't yet become?

They didn't show up.

They don't deserve your praise.

The you who is reading this made it here, despite everything.

This you is the garden worthy of your love and effort.

it would be very cool of fic writers to remember to tag your smut 🫠

it would be so very very cool to be able to follow main fandom tags without also needing to manually add every “[character] x y/n” to my dash filters

#jellee.log #is there a general smut fic tag that covers all of them bc irdk #tlou fans I am Looking at you #i followed the main tag bc I want to see cute fanart and maybe discussions about the story #not long posts about ‘daddy joel’ x yn pLEASEE #jjk enjoyers you too

hes-a-plant

Bro, you ok? Bro, humans aren’t separate from the ecosystems around us. We’re a part of them, bro. Bro, we’re never going to have absolutely zero effect on ecosystems, because we live here, bro. Bro, I never said it had to be a bad effect. We don’t have to immediately be perfect either, bro, sometimes doing what you can is what you can, and its way better than nothing. Bro what do you mean humans are a plague. You’re starting to sound a bit like an ecofascist, bro… Bro?