I feel as though what drives most rude / inconsiderate behavior I experience IRL on a day to day basis comes from a place of having this unearned and unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that aren't actually urgent. I think if more people became aware of this completely unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that actually aren't urgent, it might make co-existing and sharing public spaces with other people a lot easier and more tolerable.
That text post that's been making the rounds that goes something like "Omg you made it to the same red light as everyone else but faster and more dangerously and recklessly, should we call nascar? Do you want a medal?" summarizes exactly what I'm trying to talk about.
It's like when I have to change buses at one of the bigger and busier bus stops, and the people who get off the same bus as me shove and elbow past me to get off before me, and then shove and elbow past anyone even slightly in their way on the way to the bus they're switching, only to end up on the same bus as all the people they shoved and elbowed with several minutes to spare before it leaves and plenty of open seats left.
I think this unnecessary urgency a lot of people feel in their day to day lives drives a lot of bad behavior. I'm not saying I'm innocent of this, I've felt it too in plenty of situations that didn't call for it, and regrettably was less kind than I should have been as a result. But I try to be aware of it, and always try to ask myself it it's really as urgent as my lizard brain is trying to tell me it is, and even if it was that urgent, does that still justify unkind behavior?
Is shoving or elbowing another person aside going to make the difference between whether or not you make it to the bus before it pulls away? (hint: at least where I live, most of the time that's a no because the drivers usually won't leave if they see people from another bus heading towards their bus). Is shoving and elbowing people aside in a crowded grocery store going to make any noticeable difference in how quickly you get your shopping done?
Does a few extra seconds of time actually justify cruel and unkind behavior towards people you perceive as slightly inconveniencing you?
Someone pointed out to me once how a lot of people, when out grocery shopping, amble through the aisles at a leisurely pace, maybe checking out this new product or that tester... But when the time comes to queue for checkout, all of a sudden everyone is super impatient and not leisurely at all.
That fully rewired my brain.
Ever since then I've tried to keep that in mind when I shop. If I'm not hurrying through the store, I'm not gonna be impatient in line for checkout.
#the urgency and impatience tends to drive a lot of ableism too#Gods forbid someone need help or walk slower or get stuck somewhere#people will walk into my chair because they're not looking where they're going#and I've almost gotten run over at intersections because I wasn't crossing the street fast enough even though I still had right of way#people who rush tend not to signal or say excuse me either which is both rude and unsafe
Thanks for these tags @disability-etiquette, because this unnecessary urgency (in situations that aren't actually urgent) really is a massive driving factor for ableism, and that needs to be addressed and discussed.
So many strangers have been so cruel to my elderly and disabled family members for being "too slow" in public.
And not to derail from the ableism, but this urgency / impatience also fuels a lot of fatphobia too. I've already had to block some people in the notes of this post for making fatphobic comments. People often get very angry at fat people for moving slower and/or taking up more space, and will use their unnecessary urgency and impatience to justify being mean and impatient with fat strangers in public.
Oh absolutely, and not derailing at all in my opinion, the struggle for fat liberation goes hand in hand with ableism! The overlap is significant - many disabilities can affect body size and shape, so it's very much connected to ableism in my eyes! You're 100% right and should say it.

























