The Inside of Me

Whoever reads this knows me better than even my best of friends.

[jessicamessica15]

all of this work to realize i don't really know who i am

[jessicamessica15]

if i am the longest relationship of my life, isn't it time to nurture intimacy and love with the person I lie in bed with each night?- Rupi Kaur (The Sun and Her Flowers)

[kosmogrl]

https://twitter.com/onlyyagirl_

[jessicamessica15]

it's an everlasting love with no place to go

[animatedtext]

requested by sh4tteredst4rs

[jessicamessica15]

me every time my neurodivergent brain comes up with a new hobby

[nerdygaymormon]

[witchythingscore]

For real? In catholic iconography, Joseph is usually holding Jesus and lilies (for purity). But it is true it is the first time I see him holding Jesus while Mary is in the picture.

[jessicamessica15]

Punk Ass Brain

Nothing.

Just nothing. I just miss blogging, writing, quickly tapping my fingers across a keyboard for something more than just work.

I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head, and I love to write! But when I sit down to journal or blog, my mind runs blank.

Nothing. Empty. Silence.

How? You were sooo noisy before! Now nothing? Freakin punk.

[fanzines]

Some mini zines on Jewish folklore (includes zines on golems, dybbuk, malachim and sheydim) by illustrator / zinester, Ezra Rose. Buy them here and pay what you like.

[animatedtext]

[jessicamessica15]

Aquarius be like

[animatedtext]

requested by greenslime69

[jessicamessica15]

Me when I don't text back for a month

[lilmeawmeawblog]

④ Childhood of Enneagram types:

» type 4 : the individualist

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the E4 child couldn't relate with their parents or caregiver, they felt they were very very different from their caregivers and weren't seen for who they are, not being able to see themselves in their caregivers the E4 child came to believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with them, that they lack things others around them do not. The child started to cope with the feeling of lack by viewing the lack in themselves as something that makes them different and unique & started to develop their identity around it. The child also felt if they aren't like who they are supposed to be like (their caregivers ) then who they are truly? and that's how their quest for finding themselves began. Often times they are the lost child of their family. In others, adult E4s tend to look for the caregivers they wish they had as a child.

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[baluciarz]

people on witchtok be like "omg I left a glass of water out and it absorbed energy look at the bubbles you can't explain this" not knowing that when a glass of cold water warms to room temperature nitrogen and oxygen slowly come out of the solution forming bubbles

besties i love witchcraft too but read a book other than the green witch

[christowitch]

To be fair magic is just science we can’t explain yet.. 😂

[jessicamessica15]

"Magic is just science we can't explain yet"

[riibrego]

pumpkin patch 🎃

uncropped phone & tablet wallpaper sizes //  prints  

[jessicamessica15]

What up, Walgreens?

Not being able to get my meds right now sucks. I've dealt with brain zaps, etc. before when I've missed a few doses of my meds. But this time just feels different. These zaps haven't even been that bad, but I think the knowing that it might be a while until I get my meds makes it that much worse. I'm sure I'm about to really piss off not only my pharmacy, but also my doctor, because I'm gonna bug the shit out of everyone before I can get my meds.

Being neurodivergent sucks, sometimes.

[lylylylylylylylyly]

[thoughtkick]

“When someone does something wrong, don’t forget all the things they did right.”

— Unknown

[jessicamessica15]

Wine

I am exhausted.

I mean, I got 8 hours of sleep last night. I've actually had the energy to get almost all of my to-do list for the week done today, with some spare time to dilly AND dally! I sip on coffee all day at my office. I'm drinking water regularly. I'm in tip-top shape today!

But I am tired.

You know that feeling? It's just below my throat, behind my breastbone. You know the spot? It's this place between the "chest" and your "throat" that just kind of... aches.

Somedays, I'm very grateful for the internet. It has saved me time and time again in my job. I am grateful to be connected via internet with my friends from different parts of the country and the world. I, of course, love the convenience that the world wide web brings. But today, it exhausts me. I want to throw my whole phone away. I want to burn my iPad. I want to play target practice with my computer. I'm done. I wish I could delete every account I've ever had. I don't want it.

The world is too much. As humans, we were made to care for others and carry each other's burdens-- but not like this. Every story, every tragedy, every bit of chaos is right at our finger tips. And it's never-ending. It wears on a person.

Don't worry, I'm okay. I'm going to be fine. When I'm done writing this, I'm going to shut my computer off and have a glass of wine or something. But I'm kind done with today. I'm exhausted.

[jessicamessica15]

Shut My Brain Up

I haven’t been sick in a while. 

I mean, I have days with bad headaches or a little nausea. Sure. 

But I haven’t been, like, call-out-sick sick.  Not take-antibiotics sick. 

Everything is at a pause. I was in the middle of building the habit of reading every day again. But I can’t focus on reading right now.  I have been trying to meditate more, use screens less, and learn to be still. But I can’t stop watching Netflix.  I just want my mind to be anywhere but here, because when I’m here, all I can focus on is the fact that my throat burns. 

So, I turn to Criminal Minds. Then I switch to YouTube. And then to TikTok. And then the cycle starts over. At one point tonight, I was watching Netflix up in the corner of my phone while I was scrolling on Twitter. There’s not enough stimulation in the world to take my mind off of my burning throat. 

The weirdest thing:  I’ve been so lost in taking my mind off of my throat, I actually forgot who I was. I forgot that I even existed. I even forgot God. 

I often don’t feel as close and far away from God as I do when I’m sick. It makes me realize all of the ways that sin fucks this world up. Is the punishment of sin in human nature really being sick, or is it the misery in sickness that makes you feel far from God?  (I get really self-aware when I’m sick)

At the end of the day, I’m just really thankful that I can still breathe out of my nose.