typing trashthetics

INTP 541 sx/sp LII-0 INTj melancholic abstract tan type 4 ♋☉ ♍☽ ♑As projector/guide artisan-cast scholar multiple mental malfunctions INFP bff synaesthetic autumn-loving D(i)sC trash || sideblog #437

[thedoctorisadhd]

What are the symptoms of ADHD besides hyperactivity? All I've been exposed to is stereotypes of what it's like to have ADHD and I want to learn more!

well here’s what it’s like for me

feeling like you need to Do Shit All The Time

like, literally every second

if you aren’t stimulated for even a second you’re incredibly bored

boredom is literally painful

it’s worse than death

worse than e v e r y t h i n g

feelin that sweet Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria™ any time you get teased or insulted

when you’re listening to music you always tune it out eventually

not picking up on social cues At All

actually, what are social cues?

can’t regulate attention

not interesting = not worth paying attention to

hyperfocus for hours

“wAIT ITS 4 PM WHAT THE F U C K”

did i forget to eat again

The Thoughts go from point a to point g in less than one (1) fuckin sentence

*someone says a thing* what *person repeats thing* what *person repeats thing again and you still don’t hear them but dont ask what again in case they think ur weird*

or, alternatively

*someone says a thing* what *person starts to repeat said thing; you reply less than a second after they start*

using subtitles all the time so you don’t have to go back twenty times to determine What The Fuck someone said

“sorry i tuned you out for that entire sentence can you repeat that”

needing e x t r e m e l y s p e c i f i c d i r e c t i o n s

EXTREMELY POOR VOLUME CONTROL TBH

tfw that thing u were working on falls apart and u cant redo it bc u already did it and that would be boring

long blocks of text are Extremely Hard to Read

ur fuckin brain works 12 times as fast as everyone elses. for every ADHD person it’s somethin different. for me it’s puns. ill choke on my own laughter at a pun an Entire Second before anyone else even gets it

RAMBLING

The Leg Bounce™

Disassociation

that ADHD feel when you

^^ that one is a True Marker of an ADHD person. only ADHD people understand.

[thefisherqueen]

Reblogging because I think this is super helpful 

[manyblinkinglights]

!!!!! PSA that the hyperactive stuff on here (always needing to Do Something, ccaann’‘tt bbee bboorreed, etc) can wind up masked almost totally by maladaptive daydreaming, which, when you think about it, is actually a marvelous way to begin INSTANTLY doing something interesting without even having to get up and go somewhere else. Once you internalize your need for stimulation and start watchin’ the ol’ headmovies, you might LOOK like a very patient person who has no trouble sitting still when it’s required or staying on-task for extended periods of time despite setbacks and delays, but only from the outside. Inside there are tabs open with music videos and etc. playing, and you’re probably glancing back at reality only when necessary. You might look at sensation-seeking symptoms like hyperactivity and think “can’t relate” when, really, you’re just ready to return to your interior hyperactivity at a moment’s notice. @ everybody who can’t just slip out of reality when boredom threatens and who has to instead find something to entertain themselves with irl, my heart goes out to you and everyone around you because holy fuck

[mckitterick]

I wonder how many writers and other creatives are ADHD. I mean, that whole “Occupy the brain with invented narratives, characters, dialogue, and wotld-building” thing was my refuge as a child, and has become my happy place as an adult.

I’d write all day, every day, if I could arrange my life for that. Coping technique turned profession. Unfortunately, the Day Jobbe sucks up most of my creative energy, alas.

Others out there like me?

[backofthebookshelf]

I had a teacher in high school who pulled me aside one day and thanked me for being so attentive in class, and all I could think was, “bitch I am on year three of a Harry Potter OC fanfic, I have not heard a single word you’ve said in weeks.” So, yeah, maybe.

(A couple years ago I turned up positive on an ADHD screening, but I wasn’t jittery and I don’t forget appointments so my therapist said nah, probably not. But I’m finally getting my anemia treated, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe ADHD comorbid with depression and iron deficiency, compensated for by years of refining my note-taking and planner systems, doesn’t explain an awful lot.)

[strangehorse]

Just so you know, ADHD and ADD are no longer separate diagnoses- there’s just ADHD, and subtypes (primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive, combined). That means there’s tons of us ADHD people who aren’t hyper physically and may even struggle with fatigue and brain fog pretty badly. 

Some more exciting ADHD things include:

- I have lost this thing. When did I lose it? Where did I lose it? Did I ever have it in the first place?

- ‘I’m calling because you missed yo-’ FUCK

- the overwhelming need to be stimulated combined with getting tired of everything quickly and lacking physical energy/ the ability to concentrate 

- saying offensive or inappropriate things and then when people are like ‘what are you thinking?’ being like ‘i honestly could not tell you’

- your brain is like one of those shopfront windows with all the TVs playing different channels. at least one of them is a song.

- ‘okay you can’t leave the exam hall until 1PM, so if you finish early you’ll just have to sit there’ haha death would be kinder

- poor emotional regulation. feelings are Very Hard To Handle By Yourself and you might break things when angry, hurt yourself when sad etc

- step one: join club or society. step two: learn everything there is and volunteer for as much responsibility as possible. step three: lose interest completely and ghost or quit, ignoring desperate/confused emails and hating yourself

- “something i thought has distressed me, but i can’t remember what. let me sit down and unpack the last five minutes of mental conversation.”

[radio-charlie]

“!!!!! PSA that the hyperactive stuff on here (always needing to Do Something, ccaann’‘tt bbee bboorreed, etc) can wind up masked almost totally by maladaptive daydreaming, which, when you think about it, is actually a marvelous way to begin INSTANTLY doing something interesting without even having to get up and go somewhere else. Once you internalize your need for stimulation and start watchin’ the ol’ headmovies, you might LOOK like a very patient person who has no trouble sitting still when it’s required or staying on-task for extended periods of time despite setbacks and delays, but only from the outside.“

HAHAHAHAH omg I should have seen this 15 years ago

[whineosaur]

ADHD is reading the first post in this thread, skipping all the commentary, and rebloggingbit anyway

My input is ADHD is TALKING CONSTANTLY AND UNABLE TO STOP

[thrandilf]

As someone who’s been maladaptive daydreaming since I was 3/as long as I can remember

It is EXACTLY why I write/draw/get so passionate about stories

But it’s also why as a kid no one saw blatant ADHD- I can be patient and calm but my mind is constantly on high speed daydreaming and creating and writing and it can still be very hard to focus/cope with mental exhaustion

[jesuisordure]

MALADAPTIVE!!!!

[izzybellgee]

yall can u. reblog this and tag it with the number of posts in your drafts? i wanna know for science

[normal-horoscopes]

HEY DONT DO SHIT YOU DONT LIKE DOING THE WORLD DOES NOT NEED ASSISTANCE MAKING YOU SUFFER

[thebibliosphere]

So my therapist has been helping me get to grips with my ADHD, and also the concept that I’m not shit at being an adult, I just can’t do things the way everyone has always told me to do them. Like every single “organize your life” books have always left me wanting to cry with frustration, and after I got hold of a copy of Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan Pinsky I realized that was because they primarily focus on “aesthetic” over “function”. And the function of most standard “organize your life books” is to “make things look Show Home Perfect”.

So the standard “hide all your unsightly things by doing xyz” may look nice for the first week or so, but by the end of the week it’ll look like a tornado made of pure inhuman frustration ripped through the house as I try to find the fucking advil.

To give you an example of the kind of hell I’ve been fumbling my way through the last 20 odd years: dishes will be washed and left in the drying wrack but never put away. Which means I can’t wash more dishes, which means dishes pile up, which means I can’t make food, which means I don’t eat, which means my CFS gets worse, which means I don’t have the energy to put the dishes away, and so on so forth until I have a meltdown, cry to ETD (who also likely has ADHD but has never had it confirmed) about how I can’t cope with life, and then we fix it for a while, but inevitably end up back at square one within about a week.

Pinsky’s solution to this was “remove an obstacle between you and your goal, if that means taking all the doors off your kitchen cabinets to make things easier, so be it.”

And lemme tell you, fucking revolutionary.

Laundry never ends up in the hamper??? why???? is it a closed hamper??? Remove the lid. Throw it out the window. Clothes are now miraculously finding their way into the hamper??? Rejoice????

Mail ends up spread out over every available flat surface? Put a sorting station right where your mail arrives. Put a shredder or “junk” basket under it. Shred or dump the junk immediately. Realize you only actually have two real letters that need attention, feel less overwhelmed, pay your bills on time.

Like I’m not saying this book is miraculous, but it did help me realize that I was effectively torturing myself by trying to conform to certain ideals of “perfect house keeping”, and presenting a certain image rather than just allowing myself to live in my space as effectively as possible. And why? Why was I doing that? Cause people with different lives and capabilities are perceived as the norm? Fuck that. If this was a physical problem I wouldn’t be forcing myself to conform to an ableist standard, so why am I doing it with this?

My lived space will never look a certain way, and that’s okay. It will never look show home perfect, and that’s okay. It will likely always be cluttered and eclectic where nothing matches, and that’s okay. Sometimes I will have odd socks on because sorting them out required too much mental energy, and that’s okay. Actually fuck sorting socks, just buy all your socks in the same color. Problem solved. Boring sure, but also one less thing to do, which means more time to hyper fixate on fun things. Which really, what else is my life for if not to write screeds and screeds of vampire shit posts, I ask you.

[anarmyofawesome]

Nonono, fuck sorting socks but don’t buy them all the same colour. Just embrace wearing mismatching socks! It’s more colorful! Why did you want boring matching ones anyway!?

[thebibliosphere]

I mean, it was never by choice :p but I used to have a regular conforming job where everything about your appearance was scrutinized right down to the color of your socks if they happened to be visible.

I once got in trouble for wearing mismatched colorful socks cause it looked “unprofessional” and I remember just sitting there like buddy, you’re lucky I showed up at all.

This was also the place that forbade “bright or unnatural hair or nail colors” and I had to take my ear cuffs off before each shift. God I hated that place.

[fuckingconversations]

Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD by Susan Pinsky is a good book. 

I own it, have read it several times, and re-reading it remind me to brutally purge the dumb shit I impulse-buy. 

I HIGHLY recommend it for anyone with ADHD. The author is a professional organizer for people, has an ADHD daughter, and the 2nd edition has all her little tips and tricks that worked with her own family, and with her clients that she realized were exhibiting ADHD symptoms. 

it’s good shit. 

[valtsv]

remember when you were a kid and whenever your parents came into the room while you were doing something for pleasure like looking at something on the computer or watching tv and you’d immediately close the thing like you’d just been caught watching porn when you were actually doing nothing wrong this post was made by strict parents with no boundaries gang

[art-of-eons]

[youngchronicpain]

what she says: im fine

what she means: I am in never ending chronic pain and whatever bullshit is happening around me cannot compare to that kind of anguish so I really don’t give a fuck

[dummythickstation]

sir that’s my emotional support hyperfixation

[normal-horoscopes]

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: With consistency comes ease. Each failure lowers the price of trying again.

Taurus: Look, whatever works for you Taurus, life is precious but goddammit it is yours. Destroy what you can destroy with glee. Turn the rubble into something better.

Gemini: It absolutely could hurt to try. Pain is just pain.

Cancer: Literally nothing can stop you. You are going to keep living or else.

Leo: The stars say you will find romance after eating an entire copy of Dante’s Divine Comedy.

Virgo: Rough time at work virgo? Work with your community to create a solar grid and farmable land.

Libra: You’re a grown up now Libra. Luckily for you though, the entire concept of adulthood is a complete farce and you can just deep doing your thing with but with more taxes.

Scorpio: Take a long, hard look at where you want your career to go. Consider the weight of your decisions. Now get a good running start and punt that motherfucker as hard as you can. Field Goal!

Ophiuchus: Today you will spend some time watching the evergreens wave in the wind. In that moment you will know eternity. You will also really have to poop.

Sagittarius: Yeah well,  a lot of cults are family-oriented so its your decision really.

Capricorn: The stars say to make friends with the harvestmen in your bathroom. They are helping clean up all the lil bug corpses and would appreciate some recognition.

Aquarius: Its time to make a nest. Don’t ask questions. No thought, only nest.

Pisces: Most problems are communication problems. Remember this the next time you are screaming with incomprehensible rage.

[jesuisordure]

[ms-demeanor]

I have FEELINGS.

[jesuisordure]

you are not allowed to do this

(you can draw hands)

[kaijuno]

People always gloss over how mentally damaging it can be to work in retail. I fucking hate that whenever I say “I could never work in retail again” someone has to reply “You snowflake millennials can’t take a starter job because you have to INTERACT with other people” No. Fuck you. I’ve worked as a planetarium host. I’ve worked as a public speaker. I’ve worked as a tutor and as a student teacher. I can work with people. I can work with crowds. Retail was fucking different. Retail was being treated as a subhuman. Retail was being treated so poorly that you have anxiety attacks before work. Having to work retail was a factor in my last suicide attempt. If I hear you say one fucking word about retail workers playing the victim I will personally break every bone in your body. Fuck You.

[dynamicsymmetry]

The holidays are coming up. Retail workers are going to be spiraling into a nightmare beyond human comprehension. If you’ve worked retail, you know this. If you haven’t, be aware of it. Please be kind to every retail worker you come across. Please be patient and understanding. It is misery out there.

[libraford]

A note:

Many retail workers this season will be temporary and may only know a handful of things. Please be patient. 

I have also seen an upswing in older people working in retail, please be patient with the ones who struggle with the register interfaces. 

[jesuisordure]

Working retail was a factor in my last 2 suicide attempts - AND I’M NOT EVEN A SNOWFLAKE MILLENNIAL. I was literally days away from a third, but was sent home for ever-decreasing work performance let that sink in. Been out of work for 2.5 years now because every time I try to go back, I have a meltdown. I actually liked my job - I’m at my best when I’m interacting with people on a casual, short-term basis - but retail was the most dehumanising experience of my life, and you’re just expected to take the abuse because that’s your real job. 

[jesuisordure]

lovesongs for losers : a symbrock trash mix

[i mean, obviously.]

// lovesongs for losers [spotify] // don't ask me - i just woke up in this dumpster 

packed full of ooey gooey cheese, just like eddie's packed full of ooey gooey alien. heavily inspired by all the adorable/hilarious/obscene fanfic, fanart and memes, as well as comic!eddie's gym rat crop top and mullet aesthetic.

i can’t draw, i can’t write (BUT HAVE YOU CONSIDERED eddie and venom browsing ‘marital aid’ websites for ‘educational purposes’ and venom mimicking their picks as a ‘learning experience’) , and i’m not meme-funny, but you know what i can do?

[‘my ego’ by regurgitator is this tire fire’s origin story. and then i imagined a friday night dance party at chez symbrock... and venom’s head bobbing up and down... eddie white boy dancing... them doing the junior prom slow dance... and that’s how 8 8.5 9.5 9 hour playlists documenting my transformation into symbrock trash are born]

@ms-demeanor i hope you’re proud of what your symbrock sideblog has spawned i d on’tkno w wh at i’m doin g please share your fic when you’re done ?

.

// story arc [movie- and comic-verse] :

e.t. found home - first contact, and eddie loses his gd mind [immigrant song ->]

found : one (1) perfect host! lost : one (1) terrifying slime boyfriend - breaking up is hard to do [be my baby ->]

he is my squishy - reunited and it feels so good [motel ->]

‘V+E 2getha 4eva’ by n0taparas1te - venom makes eddie a mixtape. you know they’re a sucker for ballads and boy bands. you know it. [i want you to want me ->]

‘i luv my parasite’ by monsterfucker69 - just a man standing in front of some alien goo, asking them to ream love him [feel it ->]

cue the angst - eddie has feels. venom has feels. eddie has feels. venom has feels. eddie... [~something i can never have ->]

is this a [dangerous power imbalance] healthy relationship? - eddie’s free will and humanity? i don’t know her. and that feel when you want a divorce but you’ll literally die without your partner [~chemicals between us ->]

in this house we fuck monsters - porn without plot with a side of fluff [~hatef--k ->]

loser powers ACTIVATE - murder bros paint the town red [wildest ones ->]

.

// not available on spotify  (╯๑‾᷆д‾᷇๑ ）╯︵ ┻━┻  

london grammar’s cover of - wicked game

orgy’s cover of - personal jesus

black lab’s cover of - your ghost

curve - doppelganger

revolting cocks - do ya think i’m sexy

chris whitley - starve to death

boom crash opera - gimme

VAST - cannibal

.

// now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down :

immigrant song // we come in peace lol

alien boy // hello naughty humans it’s devouring time

be my baby // actually i’m going to marry this man and betray my entire race for him

small town boy // we are not mad, just very disappointed MAD.

i have the touch // venom plastered up against the glass : that one there, the smelly, sweat-stained, dirty garbage boy - what’s his name? eddie. ~~EDDIE.~~

the passenger // think of yourself as my ride

my ego // *HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEK*

bonecracker // we told you not to open the door, eddie

i’m your boogeyman // most likely.

alive // fuel in the tank

where is my mind? // you’re not real...

i’m cracking up i need a pill // you’re just in my head

take a chance on me // no no no no no i can fix it!!

why can’t i be you? // MRI BAD

lose it // sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world, i feel like i can’t take it

one second // goodbye, eddie

ain’t no sunshine // things haven’t been going well these last few as long as i can remember

your ghost // even now, with its voice gone, i can still feel it

wicked game // lie down. try not to cry. cry a lot.

come into my life // on my planet i’m a loser like you

pictures of you // i am going to lie completely still on the forest floor until either things start going my way or i disintegrate into nothing

motel // mood

E.T. // you look like my next mistake

coming // stinky!!! stinky bastard man!!! living trashcan!!! sweaty b-b-b--~~~*best host ever*~~~

the lion the beast the beat // he protecc he attacc but most importantly he bacc

all this and heaven too // you’re a disaster, but you’re my disaster. parasite. you take that back. you take that back Right Now... i’m telling anne

take my breath away // you. you did, eddie.

we belong // venom get in the rocket, you’re embarrassing me

blood makes noise // we. are. VENOM.

new kind of animal // the way i see it, we can do whatever we want

i got mine // -PROPERTY OF VENOM DON’T TOUCH-

feed my frankenstein // venom no. venom Y E S

hunger // eyes, lungs, pancreas : snack   eddie : S N A C K

i want you to want me // he doesn’t know that i’m about to win him back!

i want your love // i love you, eddie.

trouble // pussy.

always // we want to be together, eddie. forever.

only you can do it // you’re perfect. my darling.

(everything i do) i do it for you //  (✧≖‿ゝ≖)  

have a little faith in me // trust us, eddie

in your eyes // it was your buddy’s idea.

kiss me // [shout out to eddie brock for being such a good kisser that he made an alien abandon its race and homeworld for him]

when the lights go out // so venom found a daddy dom blog and now

suffocate me // i said what i said

gay bar // the symbiote takes care of it

push it // there is no word for ‘subtle’ on klyntar

my chick bad // the filthy tentacle sex we all wish we were having...

friday i’m in love // and domestic fluff

never tear us apart // you die, i die.

NFWMB //  i’ve only had this pathetic human for a day and a half, but if anything happened to him i’d kill everyone on this planet and then myself

i love you always forever // we licked it so it’s ours

feel it // take me. rescue me with your blackness. 

toxic //  'are you nasty’

lights go out // #i’m not a monster fucker BUT

desire // it’d be classified as hot as fuck

teeth // your host is strong. our host is nasty. and he has a motorcycle.

bad things // walking disaster horny on main for voice in his head

split me wide open // this bad boy can fit so much me in him

need you tonight // can’t spell ‘fuck’ without ‘u’

adored and explored // symbiote? up my ass? it’s more likely than you think

satisfaction // StEp On Me DaDdy!!

penetration // you put the left tentacle in you pull the left tentacle out

the dark of the matinee // i used to hate going to the movies alone... now, i’m never alone

hit me with your rhythm stick // that’s it, baby. wrap those tentacles around me.

danger! high voltage // mask. COPY.

til the casket drops // we are joined, until we are devoured

dizzy // oh that was pretty cool actually, not gonna lie

fever // [hard to swallow pills] this relationship is literally killing you

angel eyes // soft and squishy soft and squishy -- SHARP AND POINTY SHARP AND POINTY

love that i long for // hit by a car and dumped in the trash, but this pigeon isn’t giving up

let’s do it // you know those days when you’re like, this might as well happen?

can’t get enough of you baby // fuckin superb you funky little meatsuit

persuasion // i love you bitch

something i can never have // i was so weak back then. so ready to break.  

breathe // i was hollow. but that was when we found each other.

two men in love // when i became whole.

take me to church // where we bonded, eddie. just like marriage.

fire and the flood // put a baby in me

lovesong  // oh i like your shirt. what’s it made of?  boyfriend material

bring me to life // DRAMA. QUEENS.

my body is a cage // caught a stomach bug and a bad case of feelings, lads

undisclosed desires // GANG BANG.

the chemicals between us // been to many worlds, but none of them this strange

infected // this is our get along shirt

do you love me? // you fucked up a perfectly good symbiote is what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

push // -WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?-

the perfect drug // he’s so ugly! i love him! APOLOGIZE.

lovesong // then -- burn me.

crawl // what do you want from me? you’ll find out.

atom bomb // what are our chances? pretty much zero

run // you do not want to do this. trust me.

monster // we're not monster! we're not! we can't be! no! no!

tear me to pieces // everyone's got an angel and a devil on their shoulder. that's what they said in group. what matters is which one you listen to. that's what they said in group.

what do you want from me? // HUNGRY, eddie.

very good bad thing // cooperate and you just might survive

lose myself in you // they told me i could become anything so i became a sentient alien symbiote that feeds off of my hatred for spiderman

i feel you // everything about you is our business

shame // ‘codependency’ is just a five syllable word for ‘love’

coming undone // you can’t have a breakdown if you’re already broken

i am undone // one does not simply leave a toxic relationship

only when i lose myself // i‘m much more me when i’m with you

without you i’m nothing // all we have are our hosts to tell us who we are

sour times // not just a suit

vessel // i’ve got a parasite

fall into me // there is no ‘me’ without ‘we’

all mine // MINE. yours.

the kiss // WHAT HAPPENED TO ‘WE’, HUH?

use once and destroy // you’re stupid. i like that in a man.

communiqué // possessive noodle bf has no chill

sweet dreams (are made of this) // oh no! you’re meeting all my standards!

personal jesus // i’m not a parasite

hatef--k // a concept: jeckyll and hyde but they kind of want to fuck each other.

no sex // i only do what you want, eddie. what we want.

tainted love // do we have a deal

hammering in my head // but we are always inside you, eddie *GRIN* 

happiness in slavery // toss me around like pizza dough

smack my bitch up // throw me around like a sock full of D-batteries in a prison fight

nancy boy // pin me to the wall and hammer me like a bag of nails

get down make love // psst eddie. want sum fuk?

man overboard // YES.

not alone // you didn’t find us. we found you, and you are mine.

into your arms // these two losers

tender // don’t worry, eddie. always take care of you. won’t let anyone get between us. 

heavy love // love is stored in the symbiote

all over you // the thing about love is that it’s not gentle or soft, not at all. love is strength, and full of terrible purpose. love is power, and it will never be done with you. it consumes you.

the bad touch // THESE TWO LOSERS

even better than the real thing // it’s not human, but it’s given me things no girlfriend ever could

wildest ones // alright fuck it, let’s go save the world

don’t stop me now // he’s my bad decision snake

eat the rich // comrade veddie is here to redistribute the wealth. and also the heads. okay mainly the heads

glory and gore // have a nice life

dangerous // the power, it’s not completely awful

i wanna destroy // have to stop saying ‘how am i going to kill my way out of this one’ everytime there is trouble going on

ready to die // a pile of bodies. a pile of heads. hey do you take constructive criticism

we are venom // like a turd. in the wind.

[the-real-fair-folk]

Dyspraxia ISN’T Your Fault

I feel like that’s something I have to say — to remind myself as well as others.

For those unfamiliar with the term, dyspraxia refers to a lack of mental and physical coordination. It’s often, but not always, found in people on the autism spectrum, and can be responsible for executive functioning problems as well as issues with tasks that require hand-eye coordination. My handwriting is an ugly scrawl; I was never able to learn how to swim or ride a bike; I have difficulty organising my thoughts and reading paragraphs in sentence order.

I’m in a dance class right now. I was really nervous about joining, because I cannot dance properly. I have never been able to master even simple dance steps, because the moment I’m asked to coordinate the movement of my arms and legs, everything falls apart in my brain and I end up flailing around in despair. So, immediately after the first day of class, I approached my professor and quietly explained my limitations.

And guys, she listened. She lets me sit down and perform only the hand motions; she guides me through theme steps; I’m even allowed to sit on the side and sing + drum instead of dancing. Both of us know that my dyspraxia isn’t my fault. It doesn’t make me less worthy of being in her class. It isn’t something I can overcome if I just put in the right amount of effort. It’s a trait I was born with it, but with creative workarounds, I can enjoy the same activities non-dyspraxic people do.

Never be ashamed of your limitations, and remember that you’ve got plenty of strengths too.

[yosilexe-deactivated20181204]

The Signs as Iconique Venom (2018) Quotes

Aries: “Pile of heads… pile of bodies.”

Taurus: “Are there any parasites that could make you climb a really tall tree… r e a l l y fast…?“

Gemini: “PARASITE!?”

Cancer: “Aand he’s got one up his ass too.”

Leo: “You want up? Well why didn’t you just say so?”

Virgo: “HOSPITAL…… now.”

Libra: The whole speech about eating good vs bad people.

Scorpio: “Everything about you is my business.” / “You are a loser, Eddie.”

Capricorn: Carlton Drake’s entire speech about Isaac and God abandoning us, delivered to a frightened homeless man about to become symbiote chow.

Sagittarius: “Are you gonna bite off any more heads?” “Most likely.“

Aquarius: “Traitor.” “Have a nice life.”

Pisces: “Jump.” *ding* “Pussy.”

[prokopetz]

What y’all think ‘gifted child’ discourse is saying: I used to be special and now I’m not and that makes me sad.

What ‘gifted child’ discourse is ACTUALLY saying: The way many educational systems treat children who’ve been identified as ‘gifted’ is actively harmful in that it a. obliges kids to give up socialising with their same-age peers in favour of constantly courting the approval of adult ‘mentors’ who mostly don’t give a shit about them, b. demands that they tie their entire identity to a set of standards that’s not merely unsustainable, but intentionally so, because its unstated purpose is to weed out the “unworthy” rather than to provide useful goals for self-improvement, and c. denies them opportunities to learn useful life skills in favour of training them up in an excruciatingly narrow academic skill-set that’s basically useless outside of an institutional career path that the vast majority of them will never be allowed to pursue.

[ms-demeanor]

GATE classes are like high school football in that they prepare most participating students for something they’re never, ever going to use in order to make a living or have a happy life.

They’re also highly factional, obsessively competitive, and teach unhealthy habits about handling workloads and overextending yourself.

Besides that GATE classes do all of this while hammering home the message that high academic achievement is the only way to eke out a life that isn’t tiresome physical drudgery; which a) isn’t true and b) what you think you don’t need dish washers and sanitation workers in the world you sanctimonious fuck?

————————————————-

I ran into a former GATE classmate at the gym once, when I was around 22/23 - college graduating age. She was working at JPL and getting married and doing great and I was really happy for her. Then she asked what I was doing and I told her I was a barista and she asked me if I was okay and what had happened. And.

Like. That’s a lot.

I couldn’t afford to go to the college I got accepted to. I had a significant mental breakdown. I spent three months disassociating and dropped out of community college. I started going to school again and found a huge amount of satisfaction working in the journalism program. I started taking art classes. I got naked for money. I spent some time living out of a car. I was learning social engineering and basic computer stuff with the local hackers. I was dating a cool guy. I got a retail job. I got fired from a retail job. I spent a two month period going to the beach every other day and swimming in the ocean. I was in a car accident. I tried religion. I got a bunch of piercings. I was suicidal for a while. I spent a lot of time in the desert.

Was I okay, what had happened?

Life happened, babey!

With all its ups and downs and weird shit. I was still in college, I was still a couple years away from my degree. I was a couple years away from breaking my back. I was a couple years away from getting married. I was a couple years away from joining a band. I was a couple years away from starting a webcomic.

There was so much that was still going to happen and so much that had happened and.

None of it mattered. Because I was a barista instead of an engineer or a grad student or a published author.

And you know what? I’ve spent a decade and a half deprogramming myself from thinking that way. I’ve spent half my life convincing myself that I wasn’t a failure after the first half of my life was based around learning that the worst thing you could do was fail.

Running into that girl hurt a lot. It made me angry at myself and triggered self loathing and led to a depressive spiral. How come *she* had succeeded, how come *she* hadn’t needed to slow down when shit came up in her life? *She* had overcome her hurdles and I’d let mine stop me.

And I’m so glad I can look back at that and feel pity for young, sad, stressed me and how much she had bought into the lessons she learned. And I’m so glad that I can recite the former-gifted-kid-in-recovery motto and mean it:

“I’m a big dumb asshole and it’s everyone’s problem.”

Admit that you don’t know things! Try things that you’re bad at just because it’s fun! Spend time doing things that aren’t “productive”! The world is bullshit and you don’t have to be perfect, things are going to go right and they’re going to go wrong and the only thing you can control is how you choose to face it, so be as kind as you can.

I love you!

[cxwardiice]

“Am I repressing trauma or can I genuinely not remember my childhood” a novel by me

[lowkeystillsleeping]

Is This Memory Real Or Did I Make It Up To Cope: a thrilling sequel

[luna-and-mars]

Executive dysfunction gothic

- You have to shower. You cannot shower. You are standing right in front of the shower. You want to shower. You cannot shower.

- The meeting begins. “Did everyone see the email?” There is a chorus of nodding heads. You nod, too. You think you may possibly have checked an email account before, on one single occasion, at some unknown time, probably in a past life.

- You are hungry. You have been hungry for three days now. The hunger has not spontaneously resolved itself. How inconvenient, you think. How rude.

- You depend on your planner/calendar. You loathe your planner/calendar. You can’t function without it. You live in constant fear of it. It’s an unhealthy relationship. You think you both should start seeing other people.

- There is a pile on your floor. It is a treasure trove, the Room of Requirement. It has everything. You look for something specific. It has nothing. There was never any pile.

- There’s been a change of plans, they say. You don’t understand. They repeat: “there’s been a change of plans.” You don’t understand. The mere suggestion causes a buzzing in your head that drowns out everything else. You don’t understand.

- You’re in class and you don’t understand the lecture. You look back at your past notes. You look at a calendar. You have not been to class in two weeks. You have no memory of this supposed time. Where did it go? Why did it leave?

- “Organizational tips for success: Keep a planner! Write it down! Stick to a schedule! Make a list!” You are torn between deranged laughter and ugly crying. You choose both.

[ms-demeanor]

- You type a few words, your phone rings, you answer. You frown and type a few words. A text, you open it and respond. You forget what you were doing. You type a few words. A text, you ignore it. You type a thousand words. A text, you open it. “Why haven’t you responded?” It’s been a week.

- You need your medication, you call to renew your prescription. You’re out of refills and the doctor needs to see you before you renew. You don’t get your medication again for six months.

- You want to RSVP to your cousin’s wedding but there’s no email address or phone number, just a card in an envelope that you have to put in the mailbox. You put it somewhere that you won’t forget it. The wedding was yesterday.

- “Look, it’s just one more stop before we head home, why are you making such a big deal of it?”

- “Hey, I invited our friends over to hang out for the day and maybe get lunch. You said you were free today, right?” You’re always free but you never have time. It takes an hour to decide what lunch will be.

- You write the shopping list. You stand in front of your door holding your keys while you tape the list to your phone. You step outside and realize you don’t know where your keys are. You step inside and they’re in your hand. You go to the store and pull out your phone. There never was a list.

- You’re meeting someone for what you’re sure is the tenth time. They say their name and all you hear is a high-pitched ringing. You carefully avoid interacting with them for the rest of the evening so you don’t run the risk of having to introduce them to anyone.

- “C’mon, you were in ceramics with me, we made clay boxes together. I sat next to you for two years!” You’ve never seen this person before in your life.

[ms-demeanor]

- You have to be somewhere at 6AM. You can’t be late. You don’t sleep the night before to be sure you can make it. When you’re late to work the next week your boss says “you can be on time when you want to be, you’re choosing to show me that you don’t care.” You don’t sleep to make it in to work on time tomorrow. You never sleep. You never sleep.

- You have to pee but if you don’t finish typing this sentence you’ll forget what you were saying. By the time you finish typing your body doesn’t notice that you still have to pee.

- “Uh, did you know you’re bleeding?”