JfingHendrix Explores the Universe

http://jfh0176.wixsite.com/jfinghendrix

[jfinghendrix-blog]

Had a wild week!! Took a lover, had some major realizations in regards to my love life and sex, found the most amazing pen, kind of lost of my job and place to live (it was just an internship and it wasn't extended) SOOOO I'm going to Asheville in a week!! I have a place to stay for 5 days to start and no plan after that! This is going to be a serious exercise in surrender and trust. I am not going to plan any further than I have right now so who knows where I'll be in a few weeks! But it all feels very synchronistic and in flow. I feel powerful and free! P.S. Hail yourself @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #surrender #trust #selflove #selfcare #flow #synchronicity #freedom #expansion #empowerment #poet #poetry #write #spirituality #awakening #poetsofinstagram #reclaimingpower https://www.instagram.com/p/BnW5XEyjbLc/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=dfm6goxq63tu

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I had my akashic records read this week and so much came through but what I want to share now was the idea that I need to loosen up! (And take a lover(s) lol) And "follow what feels like sweetness" (love love LOVE when spirit uses my wording) I can feel the enormity of myself, of all of us. I can't articulate the feeling well, it's just too big and my imagination doesn't have enough context yet to even begin creating a more tangile understanding of it. But I compare right now "the moment" to that feeling and it is just doesn't feel enough...I dont feel enough or frankly real. I am very idealist and I catch myself future tripping CONSTANTLY! But the point is the process...the point is being in the midst of it because we will always be in midst of it. We are always going to be evolving. And that feeling I get may be nothing compared to an even futher evolution of our consciousness!! I hold onto it like it is a heaven that we will just become stagnant within but it is just a point that we will eventually evolve beyond. So anyway! I took yesterday to try and follow my sweetness...did yoga outside...dressed in one of my favorite outfits, wore contacts and makeup...had my favorite latte and worked on my book...had a picnic of my favorite foods and read...the weather here was amazing...journaled while sitting on a bench about my feelings while I waited for AAA...laughed at myself when I realized the reason my car wouldn't start was because it wasn't fully in park...went to a group tarot reading and got more amazing feedback...slept well! And know you what! I spent alot of the day idealizing and coming up with ways it could be better, I observed myself, I felt myriad emotions, I ingnored and tried to rationalize my emotions, I created space for my emotions, I loved myself, I learned a little more about myself and reality, I loosened up but just a lil bit...I evolved P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selfloveclub #selflove #expression #expansion #awakening #consciousness #evolution #stuffishappening #spirituality #idealism #empath #shoutouttotheAAAguy

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I hide myself. I create a degree of separation between myself and my environment. I do not feel fully connected to anyone around me. I never have. And I know I have chosen this for many reasons. One being protection. My experience of life and especially social interaction is overwhelming. I take in so much energy from around me and am only now consciously aware of this. I feel afraid of the impact I have on others. I feel afraid of my power. I false believe that I am just not enough. The closet connection I have experienced was with my prior students. I worked with children diagnosed with autism and I am so grateful for these precious souls. It is truly beyond words...our souls connected. I was gifted true unconditional love. And the thing is...I can feel the way in which most people are "connecting" around me and it feels like fear. It is co-dependence. It is an attempt to see, feel ourself through another. It is a reflection of the separation we feel from ourselves. It is an invitation to love ourselves unconditionally and then extend that love outward. I feel sadness for my feelings of disconnection but also gratitude. That feeling of disconnection creates a space. This space has felt like lonelieness, collapsing for most of my life. It feels like this still but it also feels like truth and realness and a push to deep dive. I've tried to "connect" in the way we are conditioned to do so and I fail at it. I fail at it because my soul wants real fucking love. I want authenticity. I know what love is not. I am learning what it is. I am learning how to connect with others by connecting with myself. So I am asking myself in this moment how can I authentically connect more fully with myself. Be honest. Be bare. P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #selfworth #authenticity #truth #expression #expansion #awakening #realfuckinglove #spirituality #consciousness #connection

[jfinghendrix-blog]

Flashback to the time Tuna got a weave🐱 P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #cat #pussypower #curlygirls #pus #hair #selfcare

[jfinghendrix-blog]

On Tuesday, I got home from work an hour and a half later than I thought I would. I have discovered that one of the most important things I need is time to myself. I knew I wasn't going to get enough time that evening and I had a particularly awful binge...literally ate frozen pie lol so as I am laying in bed crying, bloated with food and shame and I began telling myself "I love you. I've got you." It didn't even sound like my voice. I didn't feel better but I felt supported. For the first time in my life, I supported myself through intense emotions. And I found this even more upsetting than the binge! I abandon myself. I neglect myself. Or should I say I have chosen to abandon myself. The part of me that is supportive has always existed and has been waiting to offer her unconditional love. I now am learning how to make this choice. Of course today I had this idea reflected back to me through a co-worker in a dream she had. Thanks for the reinforcement universe!! I recently bumped my hours down almost by half and have worked half days all week (except Tuesday binge day) and the past three days have totally solidified how important it is for my well-being to spend alot of time with myself. So proud of myself for communicating this need. It was not easy for me and it came about in a weird way. Going to make another post all about that I think. It's also bringing up all these feelings of unworthiness..like I'm not contributing enough, I should be putting others needs ahead of my own, that my needs are unreasonable etc so alot of interesting things I've been working with this week! Thanks all! P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selfloveclub #selflove #hailyourself #awakening #expression #expansion #spirituality #empowerment #shadowwork #shadow #metime #introvert #empath

[jfinghendrix-blog]

Yesterday I went to a group meditation. Before I left I pulled this card but I didn't get a chance to look up the meaning. As a group, we were lead to meet with our guides and i asked about my purpose. At one point I was lead out of the meditation by my guides and to this space where I thought "I allow the energies in need of transmutation into my high heart to be alchemized. And SHIT! What an amazing and wild feeling. I can't accurately describe the feeling in my body, just wow. And I was left feeling extremely relaxed and totally at peace. This idea of being a transmuter of energy is something popping up alot in my reality but this was the first time I allowed it and felt it. Well anyway, today I was listening to a podcast and the guest was asked for a way in which we can act in service. The guest offered the advice of using social media as I way to share true experiences and talk about the hard stuff and brought up the 6 of cups and described it as the card associated with "repurposing our grief and pain to make something beautiful. To transmute it into service." I MEAN COME ON!!!! Hahahaha so fucking cool. Wow wow wow! I'm so blown away! Love that lil synchronicity! P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #tarot #synchronicity #spirituality #universe #hailyourself #selfloveclub #empowerment #empath #expansion #awakening

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I am being called right now to really look and feel this attachement I have to the false identity of being a victim and FUCK!! I have refused to look at this for my life and now so much shame and unworthiness is surfacing! I have this pattern of extraggetting or lying about my own trauma and it is something I currently surround with so much shame. It is routed in the idea that the shit I have been through is not enough...that in respect to the traumas that others have gone through, my own are not enough...that I don't have the credentials to be a human. This roots deeper and reflects the false belief that I am not enough as I stand. That I have be more. And this is in response to the false belief that love must be sourced and earned from my environment and that without love I will die. So the need to be seen as enough is literally being viewed by my subconscious as a matter of survival. And man things can fucky when you constantly feel like your survival is at stake...explains the state of humanity right?! I was going to write "man this fucking hurts" for the picture but that was totally this part of me that uses pain to connect with others. Misery loves company! And all I have ever wanted is true connection. It has never felt true to me though because my pursuit of connection has been motivated by fear. I felt called to write a positive statement instead so yeah! Anyway I am going to make a video about this...feel like I need to really allow this shadow part of me to be witnessed fully but I'm working my way up to it. Thanks all!! P.S. Hail yourself. P.P.S. What are you lying to yourself about? What are you pretending to not know? @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selfloveclub #selflove #selfworth #awakening #spirituality #shadow #shadowwork #expression #poetry #release #empowerment #expansion

[jfinghendrix-blog]

This body houses a fire. And it is in a frenzy. It has caught my heart and we are tailspinning. This is not the time to catch myself. This is the time to crackle and build. A grandness, a fury. Sweet Sugar, let yourself boil and condense down into the ooey gooey. Drip off the spoon. Coat this place of creation with your burning honeyed heart. It is a scary thought that you must seap in the madness before you can rise out of it. Little droplets. Going forth unseen. But felt. Oh how you are felt. The utter magnitude of you, all of you, reverberates us. And we allow the flame of death, we call her rebirth today, to shed the armour. To layer back the fear. And lay ground for the truth that has been seared into the mantle. -jfinghendrix P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #poet #poetry #selflove #shadow #shadowwork #spirituality #consciousness #expansion #empowerment #bodypostive #hailyourself #jfinghendrix #

[jfinghendrix-blog]

What a week of storms! P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #selfloveclub #spirituality #empath #expression #expansion #empowerment #allbodiesaregoodbodies #pussypower #consciousness #awakening #bodypositivity #bodypostive https://www.instagram.com/p/BmB0NyVDSl4/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19rp5zuz96ov

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I have spend so much energy in my life HATING my body. I have used my body as a way to measure my self worth. Over the past few years, I've made many amends with my body and strengthened my sense of self worth and I am so proud of myself for that. But that belly. That beautiful belly. I've hated you the most and I still hold onto so much shame. We hold shit in our bodies and the energy of powerlessness resides in that belly. One way that I have found to take back my power is to allow others to witness my wounds. So here it is!!! And I look at this picture, that belly, that armpit hair, those legs, that smile, that face, those arms, those tattoos, those saggy tits and the way Barbara Bush just barely peeks out, I just cannot hate it right now. And I cannot say that I love my body unconditionally, love myself unconditionally but I love myself a little more than I did a minute ago. That's the way it goes, little by little.  PUSSY POWER!! P.S. Hail yourself.  @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #bodylove #bodypositive #hailyourself #empowerment #expansion #spirituality #jfinghendrix #consciousness #awakening #selfloveclub #pussypower https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl_jsAADPgj/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=13dg82ud1xopl

[jfinghendrix-blog]

victim/perpetrator/savior ...the paradigm we are entangled in. And I know myself to be addicted to this trinity. I have identified as the victim my whole life. Yes, shitty things happened to me but I use those shitty things, I exaggerate those shitty things, I lie about shitty things. I have fantasized about horrible things happening to me and found comfort in my savior and the pity of the world. There are times that I act as the perpetrator. I have manipulated others. I have been cruel and unkind. There are times that I act as the savior. I swoop in and try to fix. But y’all need your shit and I need mine. And nobody needs to be fixed. If I am a victim then I do not have to take responsibility for what I am creating and I will be set free by a knight in shining armor. BULLSHIT! I hold so much shame surrounding this part of me and I know that I am the only one who can release it. I want to speak authentically and take responsibility for my reality. We create our realities and my consciousness has chosen everything that has ever happened to me. And the motivation is always love. This life is mine to create but I have to get REAL!! I am not the victim. I am not the perpetrator. I am not the savior. I am consciousness having a human experience. I have not done right or wrong. I have just done. I claim it and send it love. I set myself free with expression; my words. PUSSY POWER!!!!!!  P.S. Hail yourself @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #poet #poetry #paradigmshift #power #spirituality #consciousness #expansion #empowerment #truth #IMAREALGIRLNOW! #expression #selflove #hailyourself #jfinghendrix #pussypower https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl8-MTwjUwZ/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1l4a5fywoyw6d

[jfinghendrix-blog]

In here is where I'll find all of you❤ Thank you all! P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #poetry #poet #selflove #hailyourself #consciousness #MYHEARTISOPENING #universe #expansion #awakening #metaphysical #spirituality #empath #gratitude #iambecomingahuman https://www.instagram.com/p/Bl8bGlhjOja/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=pwa6g8qvqmbc

[jfinghendrix-blog]

1) Where is your power sourced from? 2) In what ways are you giving away your power? 3) In what ways can you take back your power? I could go into great detail but I'm going to keep it brief: 1) FEELING EVERYTHING 2) by holding onto energy (my own, other beings, the planet) and not letting it transmute 3) FEELING EVERYTHING P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #empath #selflove #hailyourself #expansion #empowerment #consciousness #spirituality #light #love #takeyourpowerbackpeople #evolution #jfinghendrix

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I am feeling called to foster more awareness regarding releasing energies...particularly those of unworthiness and control. I am feeling called to put surrender and gratitude into deeper practice...to let go and love up❤ I am writing, dancing, grounding, clearing, and breathing release. It is a cyclical process. It has been done and will happen bit by bit. I am so grateful for the ways I have transformed already. I am grateful for this space to share my heart and the courage to do it. I am grateful for all the support and love I have been receiving. I have considered myself in a much needed phase of solitude for a while now and although I will always need space alone, I am feeling called to begin participating and learn how to cultivate healthy boundaries. I'm coming out of my cave...but just a lil bit:) Thank you all!!! P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #hailyourself #gratitude #surrender #consciousness #expansion #empowerment #empath #growth

[jfinghendrix-blog]

Today I want to celebrate this face...my face. It's a face I've scrutinized, hated, picked at, made it up in an attempt to appear worthy to others. It's a face I am learning to love. I've not posted any pictures of myself on here. I thought I wanted to separate my face, a part of my identity, from my poetry...to maintain my privacy I told myself but it's really a way to hide a part of me. A part of me that doesn't want to accept myself unconditionally. A part of me that doesn't want to stain my poetry which I love with something I love unconditionally yet. A part of me that wants to hide my darkness from the world. But fuck that! I want to know myself as I truly am...light experienced as unconditonal love. And that includes my face. So here's my beautiful face and my crooked smile❤ I feel afraid right now of the part of me that is going to feel validated and worthy when people like this photo but I am going to take it as an opportunity to reframe..transform that fear into gratitude for being supported by others. So thank you all!! And bye bye jables...you will forever be my spirit animal and fairy godfather P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #hailyourself #expansion #empowerment #bodylove #crookedsmile #jfinghendrix #postivebodyimage #selfacceptance

[jfinghendrix-blog]

I keep a tab in place of my old journal to keep track of where I am at with posting these lil' nugs. This is the one I was at and it is quite poignant for how I was feeling today..a little unsteady and a bit triggered but ultimately grateful.  Contrast simply happens to direct us where to look. To guide us to questions and subsequently the answers. Because I have the ability to absorb the energies around me, at some point in my life I put together the equation that if the people around me feel safe and happy then I can feel safe and happy. If the people around me feel unsafe and unhappy then I must feel unsafe and unhappy. Therefore to be safe and happy the people and beings around me must always feel safe and happy. I must have known that my purpose on Earth this go around entails using this empathic gift to help others however that ends up looking. I took on this false belief that my self worth is built around how people feel about me. It's bullshit of course and completely out of alignment with reality but I have tried and failed to buy my worth from others. I have done this in so many ways including subconsciously taking on others shit. I made a subconscious agreement to buy my worth from others in exchange for holding onto their shit. AND IT FEELS SO SHITTY! So shitty that my being put up defenses in the form of social anxiety. But then that felt too shitty and I thought that it was wrong. I discovered that I could dampen my gift and force anxiety out for a moment with distractions, food, drugs, alcohol etc. I hit rock bottom a couple years ago and just went the opposite way I had been going. And it brought me here...super bumpy but I feel that I am at a cool spot right now. I still feeling socially anxious at times. I still feel fear. But I am learning how to learn from it and I can feel gratitude for it. This moment reflects this me and that moment reflects that me. I want to know myself as I truly am...light experienced as unconditional love.  P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #selflove #hailyourself #empath #empowerment #expansion #spirituality #jfinghendrix

[jfinghendrix-blog]

Why I write❤❤ P.S. Hail yourself. @poetry_of_jfinghendrix #poet #poetry #selflove #hailyourself #empowerment #expansion #spirituality #whyiwrite #whyiwritepoetry #jfinghendrix