The Sweet Green Homunculus

Made by the wonderful @gavamont with love and care. Also sometimes I do evil stuff because it’s funny. @jimkinnz is technically my cousin I think, making @ratazom my uncle

[gavamont]

A wizard that uses a cookie tin to hold her spell components. It’s very good for components that are liquid or runny, but you gotta be careful if she invites you over to tea.

[ratazom]

Those cookie tins are for homunculus sewing supplies!!!

[gavamont]

Those are the most dangerous tins. The thread is animated for most of those.

[jimkinnz]

does my dear cousin remember when his threads were in the tin¿

[numamazza]

does frankemstein remember being dudes¿•

[gavamont]

The tavern keeper says I can’t bring in my new familiar because it will disturb the patrons. It’s this normative behavior that keeps people stuck in there ways.

We need acceptance for unconventional familiars like my crab that has a human face on the flat of its back that sporadically says the word “blood” in the voice of a sad old man.

[ratazom]

Um. I actually don't think we need acceptance for that. I think we need to bring back shame, maybe even bullying, for guys like that

[gavamont-clone-2]

I think we should boil that thing alive and see if it says something different. And then possibly eat it with butter and lemon.

[gavamont]

Is this really the way the wizard community wants to view my unique familiar that lives in perpetual pain? Suddenly we are opposed to unnecessary cruelty that makes everyone creeped out for no reason?

[gavamont-clone-1]

I'm all about kindness over cruelty, but yeah. That guy sucks

[gavamont]

😔 guess I’m gonna feed another familiar to the homunculi.

[numamazza]

(っ˘ڡ˘ς) yummers (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

[gavamont]

Some bastard ruined my jelly bean canister. I was hiding a perfectly good snake in there I was going to use to smite this bothersome knight that has been hunting me for my “evil deeds” 🙄

But, when I goes to open the jelly bean canister, the only thing that leaps out is a spring covered with a soft fabric sleeve. He was amused, but I wanted him suffering and dying!

[ratazom]

Don't forget to leave me a good review on my ebay shop!!

[gavamont]

Like hell! I need you to deliver on your snake promises! The Jester could teach you what that’s like.

[ratazom]

Check inside the spring!

[gavamont]

Sweet salamanders! The taipan is very angry about being being in a sleeve within a can!

[ratazom]

Now, if Numamazza administers the antivenom I gave him, will you leave me a good review?

[gavamont]

5 star! 5 star! Just give me the shot!

[numamazza]

• needle thyme ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

[]=[""|""|""])>---

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

homunculi do not have birthdays in the strictest sense•

which means we can celebrate whenever we want¡

give me presents•

this is not a request•

(҂`_´) ︻╤╦╤─

[gavamont]

Please don’t hurt me, I hav e a homunculus at home!

Just take this hand written card and lego set and let me go.

[jimkinnz]

mmmm••• legos•••• (⁠◕෴◕⁠)

[gavamont]

Bad news @numamazza you won’t get to eat that Lego city firehouse. 😔

It was gonna be such a funny pun to have it be a firehouse sub. 😔

[numamazza]

(╥﹏╥ ) i’’ll just eated it in mÿ imagination•

[jimkinnz]

just make him buy you a new one• say it,s your birthday too¡

[numamazza]

(҂`_´) ︻╤╦╤─

you’’re rigħt• your pæycheck is my legolunch•

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

homunculi do not have birthdays in the strictest sense•

which means we can celebrate whenever we want¡

give me presents•

this is not a request•

(҂`_´) ︻╤╦╤─

[gavamont]

Please don’t hurt me, I hav e a homunculus at home!

Just take this hand written card and lego set and let me go.

[jimkinnz]

mmmm••• legos•••• (⁠◕෴◕⁠)

[gavamont]

Bad news @numamazza you won’t get to eat that Lego city firehouse. 😔

It was gonna be such a funny pun to have it be a firehouse sub. 😔

[numamazza]

(╥﹏╥ ) i’’ll just eated it in mÿ imagination•

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

homunculi have been reported as being weak to old iron' but this is a misconception•

for one's we aren,t fey•

for two' we just respond better to being pressed with a hot iron•

like wool•

[gavamont]

I heard that some of your components may be polyester and don’t react well to hot iron. Care to comment?

[jimkinnz]

i mean' either way i,m not weak to cold iron•

┐⁠(⁠ ⁠˘⁠_⁠˘⁠)⁠┌

[numamazza]

• i have a weaeaeakness for cold iron accessories• but that’’s beecause i like ~*~fashion~*~

(ᵒ̤̑ ₀̑ ᵒ̤̑ ) *✰

[gavamont]

Visit Original Link

Did you think I was done making wiz raps? Did you think Gavamont the Green doesn't have more steaming hot jams for you? Think again, mortals!

Lyrics beneath the read more

Gavamont the Green, Wizard of the Whispering Woods, Keeper of the Chalice of Chalizath, Champion of the Seal It Don’t Feel It method, known to the elves as Gav’irendel, known to the dwarves as Gavtastic, and known to the weavers as Gav-viscose

Let me tell you now of a wizardly tale

It’s a hell of a journey where the heroes prevail

But the adventure ain’t easy, so pay close attention

For many would have died without my intervention

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

First we gathered the heroes to aid in the cause

A dwarf, an elf, a hobbit, and a cat girl with paws

We packed up the necklace, but the cat girl had to touch it

It was early in the quest, so my spells I did budget

She surely would have died if left in that state

So I turned her to a statue for a later date

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

Later in the quest, we’re surrounded by trolls

The killing type, not the softies who do answer for tolls

And the dwarf he fought quite bravely, but he nearly fell

We had no healer, so there’s no one who could make him well

But a wizard is a master of magics most genius

So I turned him to a statue just like the previous

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

And so we made camp at the base of a mountain

With lightning strikes that could end the curse for certain

But the elf’s pointy ears had jewelry too conductive

She was zapped by a bolt that was very destructive

Thankfully my wizard instincts kicked into action

And I turned the elf to stone before damage could happen

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

Only the hobbit and me left for end of journey

He seemed somewhat distrusting, but I imagined this surely

We summited the mountain and awaited the thunder

But I suspect him a thief and the goods he would plunder

So before he could rob me I helped with a gesture

He’s now a statue with necklace waiting for curse’s departure

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

It’s the quest, to destroy a necklace most cursed

Other heroes would have failed, or maybe even worse

But I am Gavamont, a mage most skilled

So thanks to my power, no one was killed

Yeah! Shadow Wizard Money Gang! 2026! I am still Gavamont!

[jimkinnz]

[concoctionboy]

Okay, so it turns out several of the local HOA members have been studying magic and trying to become wizards in order to gain magical powers they can use against me and @unexpectedly-wizardposting, and considering that their whole problem with us in the first place was that they didn't like the idea of wizards (well, a wizard and a slime) living in their neighborhood, I think that is kind of hypocritical.

[highestelf420-deactivated202604]

Becoming the very thing you swore to destroy is an essential and beautiful dark wizard rite of passage.

[concoctionboy]

Hm, okay, see that kind of implies that this neighborhood is in the process of becoming full of dark wizards, which I don't think I'm super thrilled about.

[highestelf420-deactivated202604]

Woww, haha... oookay.

[concoctionboy]

Oh, sorry; I, uh, I didn't mean to offend. It's just, I mean, these HOA guys are pretty obnoxious as it is and I kind of feel like becoming dark wizards isn't going to make them any better. But I mean I was created in a vat by a dark wizard, so I guess if it weren't for dark wizards I wouldn't exist.

[jimkinnz]

ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ you also have many friends who would not exist without evil wizards ಥ⁠_⁠ಥ

i was created in a vat too• i am an evil wizard,s damned creation too• would you deny me my life of whimsy and gnome slaughter¿

[concoctionboy]

No, oh jeez, I didn't mean... Sorry, @jimkinnz. Sorry, @numamazza. Sorry, evil wizards.

[jimkinnz]

[numamazza]

livving and lurning

[gavamont]

The guard that only tells lies started dating a sphinx, but I just know it’s gonna be messy.

She wants answers, he wants to argue. It’s gonna be explosive once they break up, especially if the guard who only tells the truth finds out.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I hear he's dating the owl statue that was missing its beak.

[gavamont]

That’s so cute 🥺 but everyone knows once the owl gets its beak back it will come to life and fly away to lead to another clue.

The dating scene in the labyrinth is so messy.

[gavamont-clone-1]

I blame that goblin king and his codpiece

[gavamont]

Truly the instigator of all this. Probably comes from the fact that so many of the traps and monsters want to be with him.

[jimkinnz]

(◕_◕;⁠)

[numamazza]

(◕_◕;⁠)

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

egg•

[numamazza]

•ƃƃǝ •

[gavamont]

Guys, I’ve got 4 separate wiz raps (and my banjo song) and it makes me wonder:

Should I release my music as a monster that harasses children and the elderly?

Only if it’s on physical media like 8 track or hit clips

Only if it is streaming like on Poob or OrbTube

Anyway works for me as long as it harasses children and the elderly

Seal it away!Create a mystic order to hide your music!No honored deeds lie here!

Bald (but specifically shaved into the humble friar’s tonsure)

Voting ended onApr 3

[gavamont-clone-1]

I released music into a stream once. The hum of the goldfish and the gentle aria of the trout was enough to make a man weep.

[gavamont]

It’s so beautiful 🥹 just like at grandma’s old country home, in the woods behind the house.

Too bad my music is only meant for violence. 😏

[ratazom]

May I offer up my finest Hell Yeah

[gavamont]

Huzzah! My new music shall harm people in digital and physical means!

[gavamont]

Look at the song, ready for violence!

[jimkinnz]

wait• i think that might count as a kind of homunculus•

[numamazza]

i haeve a bröther¡!¡

[jimkinnz]

homuncuIus facts¡

sIipping an odd capitaI Ietter into my vocabuIary feeIs funny' but the physioIogist says it can heIp with a Iimited seIection of maIadies•

she Iet sIip that it was not a IiabiIity but negIected to comment on my IiberaI use of unusuaI punctuation•

master aIways toId me that i wouId never be abIe to use capitaIs or normaI punctuation•

apparentIy he Iied•

I,M STILL NOT PLANNING TO MAKE A HABIT OF IT OR ANYTHING•

[numamazza]

• i’m 2 smol to mæke capital lettttters•

• i’ve tried swæring soooooo loud and it dïdn’t work

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

how is a homunculus like a writing desk¿

[numamazza]

? both are leaned on whěn maester is drawing¿

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

despite all appearances to the contrary' oompa loompas are not homunculi•

you don,t want to know their real situation•

it,s depressing as hell•

but many homunculi are orange•

and some of them look like hugh grant•

damn the handsome pibbdiggs• i,ve never had a renée zellweger type interested in me•

[gavamont]

You’re like Hugh Grant to me. In that you are often locked in a cage and made to perform for several hours.

[jimkinnz]

pibbdiggs doesn,t get to spend nearly as much time in the comedy cage (⁠ ⁠´⁠◡⁠‿⁠ゝ⁠◡⁠`⁠)

[numamazza]

(•_• ) ( •_•)/

/( )\ /( )

/ / \ \

aye‘’ve been wœrkingn on my comedy dænce for the cage

[gavamont]

Wizard court said I’m being summoned for jury duty.

With their crystals of truth they are really good at screening people who are people who are genuinely deranged and shouldn’t be on the jury and people who are just faking to get out of it. So looks like I will have to do my actual civic duty. Unless I’m finally considered deranged by wizard standards 🥺

[ratazom]

I could use a series of curses to render you deranged. Unfortunately, because of the crystals it would be near impossible to reverse. But you understand.

[gavamont]

I understand that you don’t believe in me. 😭

[ratazom]

@numamazza you're in charge or rearranging him once he's deranged. Are you up for it?

[numamazza]

can’’t ewe justell hiiim he’’’s twisted¿ that’’s âll gav needs•

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

*bicycle horn noise*

*80,s synth laser pew*

*loud cartoon fart*

*that long whistling drop before an explosion sound effect*

*godzilla roar*

*item found jingle*

[gavamont]

You finally found that soundboard you got for your birthday a few years ago? Or have you taken another whacky morning DJ hostage?

[jimkinnz]

*duck quacking repeatedly*

[gavamont]

And do you plan on releasing him before he’s due back to work in the morning?

[jimkinnz]

*trombone bwaaah*

[gavamont]

Well if you won’t return him, at least take your cousin along to help fill in.

[numamazza]

*bweh bweh bweh bweh*

[jimkinnz]

homunculus facts¡

homunculi are naturally immune to the common cold¡

we do however get the common hot' which is worse•

my buddy bobliggs lost his left nut and half his axillary lymph nodes to the common hot•

we also get the flu• #myflu

[numamazza]

• aye got the uncommon höt,, it was bæd

[jimkinnz]

nonono cousin• that lady said you are uncommonly hot• because she likes short kings and soft tummies•

[numamazza]

• ohh man :( i could hâve got her number

• aend I didn’’t need to drink all that tea