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@jksimmonscompletist
Good news. we can finally Be Bees. this isn't your world, but we can Be Bees. this is Good news. you can Be a Bee. you'll live like a Bee. A Pet. A pet? A Pet. Mark, this is Good news. You'll live. for 30 years. THIS IS INSANE
this is Good news
The Cultish Personality (2011)
Format: A single episode of the live-action single-camera sitcom Raising Hope.
Director: Phil Traill
Writers: Greg Garcia, Matthew Thompson, Jordan Young.
Is J.K. Simmons in this? Yes, he has a guest-starring role.
Who does he portray? Bruce Chance, the uncle of the show's main character and a grumpy sort of guy.
What does he do? He mostly gets angry at his brother and annoyed with his son, who has run away to join a polycule.
How bald is he? There's hair, but it's grouped around the sides of his scalp. Fits with the contours very nicely.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, J.K. Simmons is merely a guest star.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? I'd say so, it's a decently funny watch. I'm not a fan of "unrequited love" plots, which this show has one of, and there are plenty of jokes that haven't aged well (in this episode, there was one about cops and smartphones that really hits different these days), but it's got a good heart. And it makes a point of talking about class on a regular basis, which is refreshing.
Veronica Mars: Season Four (2019)
Format: A single season of a live-action TV show.
Director: Michael Lehmann, Michael Fields, Joaquin Sedillo, Rachel Goldberg, Scott Winant, Tessa Blake, and Amanda Marsalis.
Writers: Rob Thomas, Diane Ruggiero-Wright, Heather V. Regnier, David Walpert, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, and Raymond Obstfeld.
Is J.K. Simmons in this? In every episode, yes.
Who does he portray? Clyde Pickett, an ex-convict and sort of personal assistant to one of the town's rich scumbags.
What does he do? A bunch of things that look extremely shady and probably illegal. Interestingly enough, although there are cruel and violent people on the show, I'd argue that nothing he does would push him into outright moustache-twirling villainy. It's more of a subtle menace.
How bald is he? His head is extraordinarily hairless. Not that it matters much, as for the majority of his time onscreen he wears a dorky little pork-pie hat.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, and it's a good thing. This character needs other people to be skeevy with.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? The whole series is, I'd say. It does a good job of balancing mystery of the week plots with overarching stories. My big issue is that I don't always agree with the show's take on an issue, and I wish it made more overt attempts to challenge the worldview of its protagonist.
As to this season specifically, it does draw on characters and relationships from the previous season, but I don't think it's inhospitable to people who want to watch it first.
Spiderman: Across The Spider-Verse (2023)
Format: Feature-length animated movie.
Directors: Joaquim dos Santos, Kemp Powers, and Justin K. Thompson.
Writers: Phil Lord, Christopher Miller, and Dave Callaham.
Is J.K. Simmons in this? J. Jonah Jameson is in this.
Which is to say, yes.
Who does he portray? J. Jonah Jameson. I literally just said that, keep up.
What does he do? He sits behind a desk on a TV and yells about how awful Spiderwoman (or Spiderman, depending on the universe) is.
How bald is he? Homer Simpson level with a moustache. I think. We see him for a tiny sliver of the movie, so I can't be sure.
Is anybody else in this? Yes. This movie establishes that there is a multitude of Spiderpeople, and while one of them could theoretically be J. Jonah Jameson, none of the ones we see depicted are. And many of them are not.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? Not in and of itself, because it's very clearly a sequel (and a movie preceding a sequel). But yes, it is. It's a story that's densely packed with lots of lore, but that manages to keep from being weighed down by it by making the interpersonal relationships the most important part of the story.
Whether the story sticks the landing with its themes of resisting fate and making your own path remains to be seen. But the ride is an engaging one, and that's what I look for in a good story.
The End (2020)
Format: A single episode of the TV miniseries The Stand.
Director: Josh Boone
Writers: Josh Boone and Benjamin Cavell
Is J.K. Simmons in this? For one scene.
Who does he portray? General William Starkey, a very pessimistic man.
What does he do? He sits in a room with lots of monitors and talks about how screwed the world is.
And then he shoots himself.
How bald is he? The usual amount. He's got, like, a beard too.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, it would be even shorter if a character from the pilot was the only person in it.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? I'd say so, although I cannot speak to its quality as an adaptation. But as a post-apocalyptic horror story, I'd say it works quite well.
Why did no one tell me that JK Simmons plays the yellow m&m this is fucking me up right now
This blog is in favour of people telling other people about the characters that JK Simmons has portrayed.
Along Came a Spider... (2012)
Format: A single episode of the animated TV show Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes.
Director: Roy Burdine
Writer: Christopher Yost
Is J.K. Simmons in this? For one scene his voice is in this.
Who does he portray? J. Jonah Jameson, the one true constant of the Marvel multiverse.
What does he do? He yells about how Captain America and Spiderman can't be trusted.
How bald is he? Not at all, he has a crew cut.
Is anybody else in this? Oh, yes. There are no other multiversal constants for Marvel, so they had to get people other than J.K. Simmons to play the supplementary roles.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? No, it's a not particularly good episode of a not particularly good TV show. It's a real pity, because a Justice League-type cartoon for Marvel superheroes could be fantastic fun. The problem is that whoever was making this show clearly doesn't have the same talent for structuring battles or plots that Bruce Timm & Co. did.
They also completely fail at making me believe that the main characters in this show actually like each other, which is really unforgivable for a superhero team.
Night Sky: Season One (2022)
Format: A single season of a live-action TV show.
Directors: Juan José Campanella, Philip Martin, Shari Springer Berman, Robert Pulcini, Sara Colangelo, Jessica Lowrey, and Victoria Mahoney.
Writers: Holden Miller, Daniel C. Connolly, Allison Moore, Anne-Marie Hess, and Ezra Claytan Daniels.
Is J.K. Simmons in this? Yes, he gets top billing.
Who does he portray? Franklin York, a curmudgeonly old man who loves his wife.
What does he do? He acts suspicious of other people, not entirely without justification. And then one night he gets drunk and shows his next-door neighbour the portal to another planet that's buried underneath his backyard.
How bald is he? On the top. Got kind of a perpetual stubble situation going on with his beard. It looks pretty good on him.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, his wife is played by fellow Oscar winner Sissy Spacek.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? Absolutely, providing you can make your peace with the fact that there isn't going to be any more of it. It's a show with a great premise that has the good sense to keep its mythology and world-building on the back burner, behind interpersonal conflicts and the relationships of its characters.
Post Grad (2009)
Format: Live-action feature-length movie.
Director: Vicky Jenson
Writer: Kelly Fremon
Is J.K. Simmons in this? I have no earthly idea why, but yes.
Who does he portray? Roy Davies, father of the protagonist's love interest.
What does he do? He offers his opinion about the direction his son's life is taking. Like a lot of things in this movie, it feels like there was a bunch of stuff he was meant to do that got cut for time.
How bald is he? On top he's bald, although he's clearly making a mighty and ineffective effort to not be bald at all.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, several people who are much younger than him are in this.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? Not at all. It's trying to be a quirky romcom about finding yourself, and there's not necessarily anything wrong with that. The problem is that there appear to have been a lot of plot elements either added in to pad the runtime or cut to bring it down. This means that a lot of things happen in the plot for no reason other than... because. It's simultaneously a paint by numbers plot and a weird scrapbook creation, with the most unbearable elements of both.
It also features an insufferable portrayal of the "unrequited love/friendzone" trope, which is not a plot element I enjoy at the best of times. In this movie, it just serves to drag the quality down even further.
My favourite thing about Across the Spiderverse is the fixed point consistency of J K Simmons being J Jonah Jameson.
Across the multiverse, he is the only fixed point
J.K. Simmons playing J. Jonah Jameson in every timeline has to be one of the funniest running gags ive seen in a movie. anyone can be Spiderman but there can only be one J. Jonah Jameson
Extreme Measures (1996)
Format: Live-action feature-length movie.
Director: Michael Apted
Writer: Tony Gilroy
Is J.K. Simmons in this? Oh, sure.
Who does he portray? Dr. Mingus, a participant in a project conducting illegal medical experiments on homeless people.
What does he do? He tries to keep the movie's protagonist from exiting the building where the illegal medical experiments are happening.
How bald is he? Given what he's working with there, he's toeing the line of a combover.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, mostly playing doctors and other medical people.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? Not particularly. It's the kind of story that I genuinely want to enjoy and that's engaging enough, but that falls apart if I start to think about how the various pieces of the plot fit together. I'm willing to bet that disabled people would have a few things to say about it as well.
Red Sands (2009)
Format: Live-action feature-length movie.
Director: Alex Turner
Writer: Simon Barrett
Is J.K. Simmons in this? At the beginning and the end, yes.
Who does he portray? LTC Arson, an officer in the US Army who is senior to most of the movie's main characters.
What does he do? He sends the main characters on a mission which kills them all, and then concocts a non-creepy story explaining how they died.
How bald is he? Military-grade, I'd say. Like, he's mostly bald, but there's a well-groomed circlet of hair.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, but almost all of them die.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? If you like horror, sure. It's a well-constructed little supernatural thriller about a group of soldiers who are driven to insanity while manning an army outpost in the middle of the desert. I'm not nearly knowledgeable enough to speak on its portrayal of Afghanistan or its culture, but I did find the horror part of the story engaging enough.
When I say actors shouldn't be cast as voice actors I never, and I mean never, mean Mark Hamill, Jack Black and J. K. Simmons
This blog is in favour of JK Simmons getting acting roles.
The First Wives Club (1996)
Format: Live-action feature length movie.
Director: Hugh Wilson
Writer: Robert Harling
Is J.K. Simmons in this? Barely, but yes.
Who does he portray? A nameless federal marshall, acting (I believe) on behalf of the IRS.
What does he do? He announces himself and arrests a guy.
How bald is he? Reasonably bald. He's obviously not trying to hide it, but he's also kept a bit of a crown.
Is anybody else in this? Yes, it's mostly about women, so some of them are in this.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? It is. It's an uplifting and funny story about women finding comfort in each other's friendship and thriving in middle age after a divorce. Having watched it, it's a bit sad that I can't think of more movies in this mold, but this one is definitely worth checking out.
Defending Jacob (2020)
Format: Live-action TV miniseries.
Director: Morten Tyldum
Writer: Mark Bomback
Is J.K. Simmons in this? In this and in prison (in this, not in real life).
Who does he portray? Billy Barber, a convicted murderer serving a life sentence.
What does he do? He talks to his estranged son Andy about the family Andy has built since Billy went to prison.
How bald is he? Mostly.
Is anybody else in this? Of course, it’s only a few bits that take place in a prison.
Is it worth seeing if I’m not a J.K. Simmons completist? Eh, it’s not worth seeking out, but it’s also not worth avoiding if you come across it. It’s an engaging enough courtroom drama/murder mystery told from the POV of the family of the accused. The main issue is that it seems to want to say something deeper than a simple murder mystery would, but can’t really decide what that is. At times it seems like a commentary on the criminal justice system, at other times it’s an examination of the central family’s dynamics, and then there are times when it’s just a really uncritical portrayal of consumerism and life with modern technology. The one consistency is that the framing device is bizarre and pointless. To be clear, it’s not particularly bad at doing any of these things. On the contrary, the best parts of this show are the ones that explore family dynamics and the stress of a trial. It’s the lack of courage that hampers the story.
I will say this, though: Defending Jacob is exactly the kind of thing I’d expect of a collaboration between Apple and the guy who directed Passengers.
Add your favorite character voiced or played by JK Simmons!
And here’s the submission sheet! Have fun!
