TROUT FEAR ME

23, he/him, aesthetic blog passing

[calebwittebane]

you have destroyed and betrayed yourself for an amazing reason

[jlal]

i didnt kill myself #yay i probably lost another close friend by not being sexually available to them #bad i self harmed in a worse way than i ever have afaik #bad

[jlal]

i forgot if i've ever actually cut myself before. i don't remember those years properly. genuinely pathetic

[shovel2-deactivated20151204]

I ATE A BIG BAG OF FACTORY REJECT SEEDS UNTIL A HEALTHY FLOWER UNFURLED IN MY CHEST ...

I MISTOOK THE SENSATION FOR LOVE AND DIED.

[jlal]

genuinely wonder how many years of latent suicidality someone can take

[jlal]

i should have just let myself feel what i needed to feel and maybe that would have got some of it out of me. but instead i redacted. again

[pjackk]

Lol i have almost completed the work

[jlal]

i have been suicidal for 11 years of my life at least. what am i supposed to do with that? where could that energy ever go? i can move countries, do things i was sure i would never live to do, build something good for myself, and i still have this sad fucking kid inside me. i don't know how to be a person without feeling this way and it's deeply embarrassing. why is it embarrassing to be 25 and suicidal like a kid but old enough to know it isn't worth it? when do i stop looking over my shoulder? everytime i think im doing okay it feels like i have to remind myself what it all comes from. i have been suicidal almost half as long as ive been alive. it's hard not to feel defined by that, it's hard to imagine being any other way. i'm almost certain i never will be

[fairycosmos]

missing some of my old mutuals lately. i hope life is being kind to you. we were mentally ill together

[cosmicanger]

Brierley Hill, Vase, 1990

[jlal]

crazy how not sleeping for week convinces you youre not important to anyone

[starjasmines]

did you guys know that imagining something = as good as having it

[eviethekiwi]

it's actually better than having it because you dont have to have it

[starjasmines]

TRUE.

[egberts]

[crazysodomite]

you like me... ? *enters your bloodstream*

[monopole]

[lovelysmell]

how it feels to be anything at all

[tonyzaret]

Selena Gomez said she’s actually an awkward dork in real life lol I knew we were the same I bet she also collects bags of hair