When the train arrives, Amanda is more than a tad confused.
There are abandoned train tracks across the townāthe only ones for miles aroundābut this trainā
This train is massive. It reminds her of the Polar Express story her mother used to read for Christmas. Amanda stands at the front, and when she looks down, she canāt see the end. The dark color blends in with the night air. Even the softly glowing lights emitting from behind closed blinds donāt help her. But even when she squintsānothing. Itās like it goes on forever, stretching across the worldāthe universe. Never ending.
The train looks fancier than anything in her townāmore luxurious than anything her little family could afford.
But itās here. Right in front of her.
She was just returning from her midnight walk to clear her head. Insomnia is like that sometimes, but now Amanda fears she hasnāt been getting nearly enough sleep. Or maybe itās her new medicationāwere hallucinations a side-effect?
She canāt dwell on the topic long, because a door slides open, and a tall, thin man leans out. He looks unreal, with handsome features that mismatch with his gangly frame. He wears a five oāclock shadow and his hair sticks up like heās been running his fingers through it.
He takes one look at Amanda and tsks. āWhat are you waiting for, my dear? We still have one more stop to go in this town.ā He steps down and reaches his hand out. āWell, come on. You can fill out the information sheet on the train.ā
Amanda feels frozen in place. She can hear her father berating her already, warning her of stranger danger. Sheās never faced this problem before, coming from a town where everybody knows everybody.
āWhat?ā Oh, yes, so eloquent. She should just run. Yeah, that sounds about right.
She twists on her heels, but the conductor grabs her arm. It isnāt roughāin fact, itās more like a soft touch.
āWe can take you anywhere, you know. Just hop on.ā
Anywhere? That sounds tempting. And if this is a hallucination, Amanda might as well go through with it, right? No fun in running from something fake.
āOkay,ā she says, and then she steps inside.
The lights, the cushions, the gentle murmurs that fill each train. Everything is so softāso comfortable. It makes Amandaās eyes droopy.
āRemember to fill out the information sheet,ā the conductor tells her, and then he disappears. Immediately after that, the train begins chugging forward.
There is a nearby seat, separated from the others a comfortable distance. Amanda sits. Suddenly, a boy swoops in, his dark skin reflective in the lights. His smiles is the brightest thing in the train cart. āHere is the information sheet, and several writing utensils. Pick one of your choice. The, uh, writing utensil, that is. The information sheet is mandatory.ā He looks sheepish, but his smile is still nearly blinding.
āUh, okay,ā Amanda says, and then the boy disappears.
There are several questions on the paper, but most are crossed out. Only one remains.
What is your choice of destination? Remember, anywhere is allowed!
Amanda holds a pen along the provided line. The Bahamas? New York? Paris or London? She can barely even think of everywhere she wanted to visit while sitting alone in her room.
NoāAmanda can only think of one place she wants to be.
The pen shakes as she writes, but then sheās done. The boy swoops back in, smile wide, and glances at her paper. His face wavers for just a second, but then he grabs the paper. āOne second please, while I get the manager.ā
āUmāābut heās gone. Amanda lowers her hand to her lap, embarrassed. Her fingers curl together. They said anywhere, but she still doesnāt want to cause a fuss.
But thisāthis is the only place she wants to be, even for just a second.
Amanda feels like she waits forever, but soon enough an elderly woman hobbles her way to the seat across from Amanda. Gingerly, she sits and reaches out a wrinkled hand. āMs. Tutti, if you will.ā
āAmanda. Amanda OāRiley. Nice to meet you.ā She takes her hand back. āAnd youāre the, uh, managerāof what, exactly?ā
Ms. Tutti chuckles, coughs. āAh, ah, donāt worry. Yes, I manage where we go, of course! And you, my dear, are already a special case. But now you wish for thisāto travel back in time?ā
Amanda nods. āYes, maāam.ā
āThen you must understand the rules, Miss OāRiley. Are you all right at following rules?ā
āYes, maāam.ā Amanda sits up straighter and begins twiddling her thumbs. Her father did always say she has a terrible fidgeting habit.
āBah, enough with that maāam junk. Makes me feel old.ā Ms. Tutti shifts in her seat as the train slows down again. The conductor did say there is another stop in town. āNow, for the rules. Number one? You cannot affect the future. At least not too majorly. No saving a person, and most certainly no killing anyone. Two: You cannot stay for long. Remaining back in time too long often results in breaking rule number one. Three: Sharing is not caring in this instance. Do not tell anyone you have traveled back in time. It leads to all sorts of messes I have to go back and clean up.ā She clears her throat. āGot that? Yes? Okay. Well, then Iām done here.ā
Ms. Tutti shuffles out of her seat, but before she can make it too long, she stops and turns around. āOh, and because youāre such a special case, Amanda, you are going to have to wait a long while before you can make it to your stop.ā
Amanda leans out of her seat. āYes, mā I mean, okay. I can do that.ā
Ms. Tutti nods and continues on her way.
The train crawls to a stop. It isnāt jolting, like Amanda thought it would be, but it is sudden. She knew there was another stop, but she forgot how small her town is compared to the train. The power is to move the train must have been immense. She wondered what they used.
The conductorās voice travels through the door. āCome along now, madam. The train for anywhere and everywhere is about to take off. Mr. Allan will show you the way. Yes, yes, Mr. Allan, show her right through that doorā Yes, maāam, you heard me rightāanywhere you desire.ā
The door in front of Amanda slides open, and the young boy followed by a frail, sickly woman walk through.
āMrs. Walker?ā Amanda asks. āIs that really you?ā
āWhy, Amanda!ā Mrs. Walker hurries forward. āYou just visited me in the hospital yesterday. What are earth are you doing here?ā
āAh,ā Mr. Allan interrupts. āSheās a special case, madam. Now, if you will, your seat is down here. You may continue your conversation after you fill out your information sheet.ā He gestures Mrs. Walker forward. āCome come, now.ā
While Mr. Allan walks Mrs. Walker away, the face on Amandaās must have been confused enough to make other people worried about her. A middle-aged man leaves his seat and plops down in front of her.
āYou really have no idea whatās going on, huh?ā He twirls his overgrown goatee around his thick fingers.
āNo, not really. And Mr. Allan seemsā¦ busy.ā Amanda hesitates. This not-hallucination is starting to seem all too real. But AmandaāAmanda doesnāt feel worried. Even though she has no idea what is going on, the whole atmosphereāit feels soothing without being smothering. She may be antsy, but thatās because she is meeting so many new people all in one day. Where sheās from, sheās known practically everyone since birth. No new people to meetāever.
āCould you explain for me?ā
The man leans back in his seat, stretches; he looks completely relaxed, while she feels like she must act overly formal in her ratty sweats and T-shirt she wears to sleep.
āWhy, sure.ā He waves his hand around. āMost of these people here are deadāmaybe even all of them.ā
Amanda blinks. Her heart stutters, mouth dries. āAre youāare you saying Iāmā¦ Iām what?ā
A panicked look crosses the manās face. āNo, uhāgosh.ā He rubs his face. āHow do I explain this? Now, donāt feel offended, but I kindaā¦ kinda listened in on her conversation earlier. And Iāve been on here a long time. Special case can mean anythingāanything but already dead. You could have gotten lucky and your wish upon a shooting star is coming true.ā
Amanda did make many wishes on shooting starsāwell, one wish every chance she got.
āLook, this traināāhe waves around againāāthis train is the way to heaven, but everyone gets to go somewhere beforehand.ā
How strange, Amanda thought. It isnāt a stairway to heaven. Itās a train.
āThat totally makes sense,ā she says, straight faced.
āReally? āCause I thought the lady that told me was loony at first. I was like, āNo way, Iām not dead.ā But, yāknow? I got over it. Not that you have anything to get over, butāā
āNo, itās fine.ā She smiles, but it feels fragile. Mrs. Walker had been very sick, stuck for days on end in their tiny hospital. Her partner was just getting ready to transfer her to a better one. Amanda had only visited her the once. Now sheās dead. Amanda wonders where sheās going. She had always talked about visiting her familyās old home in Germany.
Amanda looks up at the man in front of her. Heās rubbing sweat from his palms on his faded jeans. āI guess this is like a last wish type of situation.ā
He perks up, points at her. āYeah, kinda like that exactly!ā Then he peers around her. āAh, gotta go. My stop is coming up. But if you have any questions, pretty much anyone here can answer them!ā He stands up, giddy. āOff to Tokyo! I didnāt practice all that Japanese for nothing after all!ā
Amanda closes her eyes, remembers how he said heād been on the train for ages. She thinks about her destination. When she finally blinks them open, the man is gone.
Amanda is tired. It is the middle of the night.
Amanda wakes up occasionallyāeats, drinks, drifts off again. During that time, more people get off, even more get on.
Sheās been gone from home for days, she knows. She wonders how worried her father is. She wonders if time even works the same way on this weird, magical train.
She thinks thatās part of the reason why sheās been sleeping so much. She asks around when sheās conscious, but no one else suffers from headaches or migraines.
āWeāre all dead,ā they say. āWhatās left to hurt.ā
It at least assures Amanda she isnāt dead. Maybe she just needs to get out of the trainābe outside again.
The once frequent chatter is long gone, and only Amanda remains. The train stops. The door slides open.
āAre you ready?ā the conductor asks. Amandaās head pounds, but she nods. Sheās wants this more than anything.
Mr. Allan shows up, his smile soft. His teeth arenāt showing. Even Ms. Tutti is there to send her off.
She says, āIām ready,ā and steps outside.
Young, fresh, unhurt and unscarred.
And there stands her motherāfrustrated with little Amandaās temper tantrum, with her refusal to give her mother a goodbye hug.
Amanda wants that hug more than anything. Itās the last thing her mama asked of her before she died.
She only wants to be held in her motherās arms.
āMom!ā she cries, and runs, runs, runs as fast as she can toward her mama.
Mama looks confused, but she kneels down anyway.
Amanda crashes into her, squeezes hard. She thinks long and hard about that number one rule, and if breaking it is worth it. It sure seems like it.
But in her motherās arms, one last timeāAmanda can let go. She can release her pent up guilt, her anger. Amanda relaxes in her mamaās soft, comforting arms. Even her headache dissipates.
āI love you,ā she whispers.
āAnd I love you too, sweetheart,ā Mama says.
They hug one, two, three short seconds longer. The train wails. Mama canāt hear it, but Amanda can.
āHave fun on your trip, Mama,ā Amanda saysābut she knows. She knows Mama never makes it.
Mama pets her hair. āIāll be waiting to see you again.ā She kisses Amandaās forehead, and then sheās opening the car door.
Amanda runs back to the train. Before she reenters, she turns around and waves at Mama. Mama waves back, blows a kiss.
Amanda catches it and holds it close to her heart.
āIām sorry,ā Ms. Tutti says. āYou were in a coma. And nowā¦ā
āIām not.ā Amanda had felt this coming. āIām dead.ā
āYes. Again, Iām very sorry. But now you only have one more stop.ā Ms. Tuttiās watery smile makes Amanda cry. Her father must be so devastated.
Amanda will wait for him up in heaven.
The train comes to a stop.
Itās strange, as stops are mostly made in the dead of night. Here, it is bright outside. The ground looks soft, likes clouds.
And itās loud. Heaven is bustling.
āGoodbye, everyone,ā she says, waving.
āFarewell,ā the conductor says.
Mr. Allan and Ms. Tutti wave.
Amanda exits the train one last time.
The brightness almost hurts her eyes.
She has no idea where sheās going, can barely see anything. So she just walksāany direction, whatever feels right.
But then there is a hand on her arm, and sheās pulled into a hug.
āIāve missed you so much, sweetheart.ā
āI have too,ā Amanda says.
The hug lasts one, two, three more seconds.
(But itās okay when the hug endsābecause now Amanda can get one whenever she feels like it.)
