A Hopeful Kind Of Sad

My name's Jordy. Just Jordy. I'm eighteen years old, where I was born and raised doesn't matter to me anymore. Soon to be mother. Damaged optimist.

[ritavolk-online]

[jordy-testra]

“Testra.” Jordy repeated for what felt like the hundredth time, speaking to the receptionist on the other side of the desk. “Jordy Testra. T-E-S-T-R-A.” She spelled her last name out, hoping that maybe this time the brunette would find her name in the computer, to show that she did indeed have an appointment scheduled for just a few moments from now.

“I’m sorry ma’am, we have no Jordy in the system. We have a Jordan Testra, however. Is Jordy a nickname?” Jordy subconsciously clenched her fists, the use of her real name making her wince. Jordy closed her eyes for a moment before nodding. The woman smiled, seeming just a bit too smug. But, Jordy ignored the expression and turned back toward the rows of chairs in the waiting room.

“I swear if I wasn’t four months pregnant I would...” Jordan sighed impatiently, not even bothering to finish her sentence. The only person that she assumed cared to hear it was Lockie, and she had a feeling he knew exactly what she was about to say. If she wasn’t pregnant, she probably would’ve punched her.

It’d been four months, but to Jordan it felt like an eternity. She started showing pretty early, and had started to do her best to be healthy for her baby. She was just ready to be a mom already, to be a better parent than anyone had ever been to her. Jordan sat down in one of the chairs while they waited, surprised by how uncomfortable they were, but instead of mentioning it just glanced over at Lachlan. “So... this is getting more real everyday, huh?”

[floroverstreet]

[ritavolk-online]

[crwdedhouse]

[ritavolk-online]

[ritavolk-online]

[riosanti-blog]

Really. It tastes just like those with dairy in it. Yes, you do.

[jordy-testra]

Have you tried it? That’s pretty cool though, I guess I’m really not that surprised by it. If I were lactose intolerant my first goal would be to make ice cream that I could eat.

[camilla-wall-blog]

“I don’t think there’s a wrong way,” Camilla shrugged, offering her a tiny smile. She assumed the boy’s reaction would be the same no matter how he found out, but she’d never been in that position. “Maybe tell him you need to talk to him and then… blurt it out.” She nodded, “Okay. You’re welcome. You don’t have to go find him yet. There’s no rush, right? Actually, you can stay for a little while, if you want. I have no idea where my roommate is or when she’ll be back. If you want a reason to procrastinate, you know. You don’t have to.”

[jordy-testra]

“I’m sure there is, but it’s not like I’ve ever been in this position before so... I don’t know.” Jordan shrugged, letting out a shaky sigh. “I’ll probably do that, even if I plan some elaborate speech I’m going to get nervous and scared and just say it, probably in the worst possible way because I’m an idiot, clearly.” Jordan said quickly, shaking her head. She had never regretted drinking as much as she did now. “I just... I think I need a little more time to prepare myself. As long as I tell him before the nine months are up, that would be preferred. I’ll stick around if that’s okay, being alone doesn’t sound too appealing right now.” 

[camilla-wall-blog]

Camilla tried to put herself in the other girl’s shoes, to imagine what must be going through her head, how she must feel. It was nearly impossible. She would be terrified, though. And disappointed in herself, afraid her parents would be disappointed in her as well. “I know you don’t want to,” she started, rubbing small circles in her back, a comforting gesture she remembered her mother doing when she would fall and scrape her knees or caught a cold and felt downright miserable. “But Jordy,” she continued, slowly, “I think you have to. I think he has to know.” She smiled softly, pulling away to look at her. “Then I will be here to punch him for you. And help you out with whatever you need, anything. It’ll be okay. You don’t have to have him. But you do have to tell him, because if you were in his position, wouldn’t you want to know?”

[jordy-testra]

Jordan’s thoughts hadn’t stopped racing since she started suspecting that she may be pregnant, she had felt sick since both from nerves and she assumed because of the pregnancy itself. Jordy wasn’t ready to be a mom, she knew that much. She could barely take care of herself, how was she supposed to take care of someone else, someone so much more fragile? The hug made Jordy feel at least a little better, and she took a slow shaky breath. “I know... I know I have to tell him, I’m just- I don’t know how to. Do I just knock on his door and blurt it out?” Jordan questioned, then looked at Camilla and slowly nodded. “Okay... I believe you. Thank you, Cami. I’ll have to go find him... maybe in a little while. I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

[riosanti-blog]

I think you can still eat ice cream. There are some flavors that don’t have dairy.

[jordy-testra]

Really? Hmm. Interesting, I didn’t know that. You learn something new everyday, right?

[lockie-byers-blog]

Wiping away her tears, Lockie looked down at her and nodded softly. “Whatever you need of me Jordy, i’m here okay? I’m not going to leave you. I may be an asshole, but this is our mess and if we are going to be parents, we’ll deal with it together.” He declared to her, with a slight smile. “I’ll take you, get an appointment and i’ll come with you, alright?” 

[jordy-testra]

Jordan forced herself to look up at Lockie, attempting a smile when he wiped the tears off her face. “Is that what you want though?” She asked quietly, her voice breaking as she did. “I’m sorry... I-” Jordy stopped and shook her head, staying silent for a moment, then nodded. “Okay.”

[inevitableshadows]

you don’t get someone to fall in love with you, they fall in love with you because of who you are.

[ritavolk-online]

[riosanti-blog]

Ah, yes. How could I forget about them?

[jordy-testra]

I don’t know. I have no idea how I would manage without being able to eat ice cream. That has to be terrible.

[riosanti-blog]

Doesn’t everyone need that?

[jordy-testra]

Yes, I think so. Except for people who are lactose intolerant, they need movies and sherbert or frozen yogurt or whatever they eat instead of ice cream.

[lockie-byers-blog]

The moment Jordy turned to walk away, his hand shot out and grabbed hold of her arm. “Jordy.” He said gently. “I’m sorry I knocked you up. But know that if you decide to keep this baby, i’ll be there for you and it, i’ll get a job so that I can help and hell if we wanted we could go back to Scotland so we could have the baby for free.” He said making a joke. “But no matter what, i’m going to be here for you, alright? I’m still in shock, but I want to stand by you and…” He didn’t know what else to say, so he just pulled her into a hug, the fact that he was going to be a dad still sinking in.

[jordy-testra]

Jordan stopped when Lockie grabbed her arm, tears spilling over and running down her face. Jordan stayed silent, having no idea what she was supposed to say to him until he turned her around and pulled her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him, her hands gripping onto the back of his shirt as she hid her face against his chest. “I’m so scared.” She mumbled, her voice shaking as she did. "Will you- I need to... I don’t know for sure and I need to... um.” Jordan stuttered, attempting to figure out how to ask for his help. “I need to see a doctor but I... I can’t go alone. Will you come?”