cries steamy, viscous juices

[jorkinpeterson]

The explanation for why I'm dead.

I really have to pee.

I mean, I want to pee, but if I go pee, then I’ll be in the stanky shit bathroom.

…Have I talked of this yet? The stanky shit bathroom? I probably have.

I don’t know why I care so much about the stanky shit bathroom, but every time I feel like complaining I don’t go,

“my life sucks becaaaause… I was almost raped in [REDACTED]”

or “my life sucks becaaaaause… my family forgets whenever I do anything good and has seconds of silent hatred for me when I don’t empty the DISHWASHER!”

I go, "my life sucks because down the hallway right next to the front door there is a fucking STANKY SHIT BATHROOM that I hate.”

It literally makes my day bad if I pass the stanky shit bathroom. 

I get sad and want to go to bed.

This is why I will not pee.

You see, my granddad is this guy. And he’s not too old; he’s only like… 57. But he’s a tired old man with a red mustache that looks like he’s going to shove a broom up your butt. I love him and all. Even if he’s mean to me.

But there’s a problem with him. He’s a stinky old man. I think he’s molding or something. In the morning his breath is so potent I can smell it from across the entire grand bedroom. It smells like… cabbage that was up someone’s rump while they ran a mile.

But the worst part is there’s this pretty little powder room right next to the front door in the main hallway. It has a cool little lantern and a porcelain sink with gold rims. (a powder room is a room specifically for guests and quick restroom stops because it has no shower or bathtub) When you look in it, you think “sophisticated”

But my granddad will defile this poor tiny room. Because he will take these giant stanky shits in the room, then after he will not turn the fan on. He will just close the door, then, some poor unsuspecting young lady who just had to quickly pee… (me) …will open it, and die.

[jorkinpeterson]

i genuinely can't tell if I'm being an asshole or not - all my friends are Coming Out as Things (Variety) and I keep not realizing a) they were in the closet & b) they're coming out to me.

I feel like an old person in my sunlit backyard rocking slowly, chewing a straw plucked from the frayed hat shading my eyes, my withered fingers interlaced upon my middle, legs stretched and booted ankles crossed.. and kids keep coming through the whitewashed back-gate. they run up to me and show me or tell me of New Thing About Themselves and I smile and nod and say "well alright then, sonny"

... this is apparently not exactly the proper way to acknowledge Big Deals except I genuinely sincerely FORGET it's a big deal! I'm sorry! I thought we were just talking and stuff! I said "okay" and kept on lightly chatting with a "oo you gonna try cat eye" "haha yeah you always liked kissing girls" because well to me that's just Some Lovely News like "I'm moving downtown" Cool! Neat! I hear there's a really good bakery there! Please keep sharing about this! I'm here for it!

It's just... for me? you could come to me and tell me everyday "no actually I'm [this]" and "no wait I'm [that]" for the rest of our lives and, well, I'm gonna chew my straw and say, "ok" every time bc, like, My Friend... You've Already Always Been You to Me

[jorkinpeterson]

i don't trust someone gets it unless they've been so depressed they stopped listening to music and watching shit

when your spotify wrapped says you listened to 29hrs of music that year and it's just Ocean Man by Ween then we can talk about being sad

when you literally Don't Turn Anything On Anymore

when you go on a walk with no devices, just hearing Birds and Nothing for 4+ hours only to go home and sit in silence for 4 more hours, then i know ur a real one

[lovelysuggestions]

love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a responsibility. it’s a promise to care for and protect someone. love means never turning your back one someone when things get difficult. love as a feeling alone is selfish, the commitment is what makes it true.

[9ine9ine9ine6ix]

RIP to an OG Youtuber, four little paws that raised a generation

[incelprincess]

[charl0ttan]

actually if u peek behind 10 pm theres just all these secret little extra hours hidden behind there and nobody knows where they come from and u should make sure to use them all up on games👍👍

[lilaccatholic]

Oh to be eleven years old and finding a life-changing obscure paperback in the library

[jorkinpeterson]

Walter...

[plushiepngs]

[jorkinpeterson]

i literally own this 🥹🥲 i call her my spring chicken bc i wear her every spring

[the-poll-squad]

How long have you been on Tumblr?

Less than one year.

1 to 2 years.

2 to 3 years.

3 to 4 years.

4 to 5 years.

5 to 6 years.

6 to 7 years.

7 to 8 years.

8 to 9 years.

9+ years.

Voting ended onAug 31, 2025

Feel free to reblog to have more people to vote. Feel free to explain why you voted the way you did. DO NOT SENT ANON HATE FOR HOW PEOPLE VOTED.

[a-silly-poll-side-blog-yay]

the last 5 emojis you used is your future now, is it good?

yes

no

it's great

it's awful

um....

results

Voting ended onJul 12, 2025

[jorkinpeterson]

[telepathylove]

in the chillest possible way,

[jorkinpeterson]

[redstonedust]

a secret they dont tell you is that you dont need to have a set time and place for exercise. sure going to the gym is gonna give you a more dedicated workout but like if you're physically able to you can just jog on the spot while your food is cooking. brushing your teeth? do a couple of squats. sometimes i drop to the floor and plank until my arms hurt and then go on with my day. if you live a sedentary lifestyle its better than nothing.

[jorkinpeterson]

no but actually and it's not nearly as mismatched and unproductive as you may think. get some floor pedals to use while you're on the couch. seriously just take the stairs and take them slowly and engage your glutes. stretch your whole body before you get out of bed. these choices make MORE sense than segmented-out-hours for exercise bc you're doing them all throughout your day which activates and cools down your body in a more paced way. just throw some creatine in your water it tastes like nothing. get bakeable protein powder to add to muffins. never never think the 9 to 5 block schedule is the only way to section out your activities. get a pull-up bar for your bedroom or bathroom door and do 1 a day. get a run tracker on your phone and try to stay above 3mph for 5 minutes of your walk total (doesn't have to be 5min all at once) i suggest zeopoxa it's on google play. sarahbethyoga on YouTube has 5min full body routines that feel so good to do before you start dinner or watch a movie or after! she has some for getting ready for bed and digestion! go outside and play with your dog - better yet, go to the dog park and play with lots of dogs. walk up a hill! do some wall sits (careful w ur knees tho) walk to the local convenient store / deli / food shop u frequent instead of driving to it - u can even tell a partner/roomie/friend "hey when i get there I'll order you something too if you drive me home" it's the same to them as driving there to get something to eat anyway! And it doesn't HAVE to feel like exercise like yes do lunges on the way to the bathroom OR make a playlist of your happiest fun songs and commit to dancing to one of these songs from beginning to end once everyday or a few times a week this is literally good cardio for a meaningful amount of time. Just wear a weighted vest or posture corrector around. Add 2lb leg weights to your daily constitutional. Ask a friend if they'll phonecall you while you clean (you will clean 4x as long trust me). Set a timer and try to do a 10min task in 8min or a 5min task in 3. Play your video games at a standing desk (if you can trance out you legit will forget). Tie your shoes in a kneel rather than a bend. Hold your arms straight up over your head during ads/commercials (harder than it sounds!!) Things like this weave mobility and strength work and cardio into the fabric of your life, and give you a reason to engage parts of your day with commitment to form. I've done powerlifting for months and didn't alleviate back pain nearly as effectively as just switching from gaming from sitting/slouching to on my tummy while holding up my head. Movement in concentrate is great but finding ways to be intentional and to activate your body throughout the day and/or pepper your life with bursts of effort is actually a pretty unrivaled way to make real progress and see real results and so long as you're not doing these things very floppily/carelessly it's less likely to cause injury, boredom and burnout.

[jorkinpeterson]

cutting slices from a brick of cheese is so precarious, so deceiving, because if you go off how much brick "ought" to be left, you will never ever give yourself enough cheese slices. you will be back at that brick in mere minutes, dishonored and ashamed, the brick wheezing out "back for more so soon, eehh?" don't even look at the brick. just look at the slices. you know the truth you know what you have to do

[vetchtibbles]

welcome to my farm where I keep my dark horse my black sheep my scapegoat and my underdog. my canary in the coal mine died ages ago

[your-personal-ghost]

It’s a mess here: someone looked your gift dark horse in the mouth, led it to water, and jumped back on it. Your ducks aren’t in a row, someone counted the chickens before they hatched. Your geese are silly, your brown cows aren’t explaining how, and every one of these sheep is a wolf but they don’t even notice with the amount of wool over their eyes. I’m fining you one million gold coins.

[vetchtibbles]

it was the goat blame the goat

[jorkinpeterson]

wait guys hold on what about that red herring over there

[greelin]

i wish dog owners would shut the fuck up sometimes

[greelin]

“he’s just friendly that’s why he’s knocking you over!” no you just have done zero training because you think owning an animal is the equivalent of having a toy

[hotfrogsummer]

everyone reblogging this excusing their jumpy dog / excitable dog or telling stories of their dog being offleash or explaining their dogs are reactive bc of their abusive past....as a dog owner with anxious dogs who never behave that way and are always leashed: you are part of the problem. there is no excuse. control your pet.

[byjove]

stoned and autistic at a party trying to make conversation: I find the comparative lifespan of organisms so interesting. Spiders are comparatively long lived animals. Female black widows can live up to 3 years but their male counterparts rarely live four months. Some tarantulas live upwards of 20 years. The longest lived spider was around 43 years old when she was cruelly assassinated by a parasitic wasp. Domestic rats have a lifespan comparable to female black widows. To put things into perspective, there are spiders that remember a pre-pandemic world but it is likely every rat on earth was born post-COVID. There could be a spider out there born when Reagan was in office.

[jorkinpeterson]

learning the lifespan of house centipedes changed me