It was never your fault

He/him Csa survivor vent/introspection blog

[askingstrangers]

tw- SA

older poem I wrote that still hits so hard below the break

[againstsurvival]

Blyth Barnow

— Isolation Cannot Heal Isolation, from Beyond Survival.

[oddlygreenonion]

Had another nightmare about that mf last night 👍

[juniperandmarigold]

I keep having sa coded nightmares and then having to wake up and go be normal

[juniperandmarigold]

Going through old notes I just remembered I had from when I was actively being sexually abused and the love with which I described my groomer genuinely hurts

[juniperandmarigold]

And to my mother I was a happy and therefore undamaged child

[ferventlyviolentsecret]

[angelwings17]

I left him almost 3 years ago now but his actions still haunt me

[concreteloveangels]

everytime i remember it im crucified on the concrete again and again and again. nails through the softest parts of me.

[easybreezyscatterbrain]

i think one of the reasons i struggle so much with my assault is that i don’t think of it as an act of violence, per se. it felt more like being swindled or conned. being persuaded by a salesman into something i didn’t even really want, being misdirected by a pickpocket while they take something behind my back.

it felt less like being punched and more like being tricked.

[moderncassandra]

I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I trusted him I FUCKING TRUSTED HIM

[osddevourer]

Letting y'all know Child Sexual Abuse isn't always perpetrated by an older man. It can be a woman or a girl your same age. Power imbalance can be strength, social influence, knowledge, relationship to people older or more powerful, and many others. CSA isn't always perpetrated by older men.

[pilotofstarshipfables]

For survivors of CSA specifically: I don’t give a damn how “outlandish” or “unbelievable” your experience was. Abusers know damn well what they are doing and will purposefully add weird shit to mess with your head and muddy the waters.

If it was someone who “loved you and could never” I believe you.

If it was deemed to be “too out there” I believe you

If you were in a cult where that was “normal” I believe you

If it was a one time event from a stranger I believe you

If it was a woman who hurt you I believe you

If you’re a guy who gets told that you “should have fought” or “must have wanted it” I believe you

No child deserves this kind of pain, no adult should have to bury that hurt inner child.

[cry-baby6]

[juniperandmarigold]

Having somatic symptoms of things I don’t remember is so scary

[4ng3l-bunn13s]

This is what my childhood feels like because of trauma block.

[hazedxg0]

Hopefully one day people will learn that female-perpetrated sexual assault and abuse, especially CSA, is not an anomaly, or "so rare it basically doesn't happen" or a "whataboutism designed to silence women".

The reason you don't see it reflected in the statistics as much is because it's underreported, not because it doesn't happen. If you look into survivor groups, or ask professionals who treat C/SA survivors, you will find thousands upon thousands of people who were assaulted by women and girls.

This is idea does so much harm to survivors of female-perpetrated C/SA. It prevents them from even realizing they were assaulted in the first place, when it would be seen as "obvious" had the abuser been male. It prevents the police and legal systems from even considering to investigate because they don't even see it as a hypothetical possibility. It prevents people from getting the mental healthcare they need because of how under researched it is.

People are not being "over-dramatic" for calling you out for erasing this issue.

People are not "derailing the conversation" by asking you to at the very least remember the tons of survivors who were abused by women, during discussions of C/SA.

And if your C/SA advocacy hinges on the assumption that the abuser will always be male, you will fail thousands of victims.