The whole ābisexuals canāt reclaim the f/d-slurā discourse (I have a whole other post about the d-slur discourse,Ā click that before going bonkers) is so disconnected from reality. It just does not make any sense unless youāre on the internet where peopleās orientations are explicitly stated.Ā
For same-gender couples and single non-heterosexuals, hereās no way for real-life strangers to distinguish betweenĀ āgayā andĀ ābisexualā unless we explicitly come out. Even then, bigots donāt care about who weāre not attracted toāany same-gender attraction bisexuals express renders usĀ āgayā in other peopleās eyes. Itās really funny how gay people insist that biphobia is just homophobia and yet we canātā¦ reclaim homophobic slurs that target and traumatize us.
Nobody looks at a single butch woman and goes,Ā ājust so you know, if I saw you with your girlfriend but I thought you were also into men, I would totally notĀ call you the d-slur.ā No homophobe sees two men holding hands or a man being flamboyant and thinks to themselves, āIām going to call them f-slurs because I think theyāre not attracted to women.āĀ
Homophobic violence doesnāt occur solely on the basis of ~lacking attraction to the opposite gender~. Itās because weĀ have attraction towards the sameĀ gender (and our society assumes that if you like the same gender then you donāt like any other gender; thanks bi erasure!). If this werenāt the case, bisexuals could escape homophobia by coming out, which is ridiculous. I wish we could do that.
Homophobic violence also has plenty to do with gender-nonconformity, which is to be expected when itās such a staple of gay/bi culture and non-heterosexuality is a marker of āfailingā to adhere to gender roles. As Laverne Cox puts it:Ā
When kids are bullied and called anti-gay slursā¦ [i]tās because the child did not conform to gender expectations based on the sex they were assigned at birth. The bullies might yellĀ āgay,ā but itās about gender expression.
I know bisexuals whoāve been called these slurs while single or in different-gender relationships. I know people whoāve been called the d- or f-slur in response to coming out as bisexual. And did we all just collectively forget the whole ālove the sinner hate the sin,ā āitās fine if youāre gay as long as you donāt āact on itāā crap?
I hear theĀ ācounterargumentā that ābisexuals can tell homophobes theyāre attracted to the opposite gender while gay people canāt,ā but:
They can. Thatās what being in the closet is. Gay and bi people can and do lie about their sexualities to avoid violence all the time.
Our different-gender attraction doesnāt eliminate theĀ āproblemā of our same gender attraction.
Again, do you really believe that if someone calls me the f-slur, I could just go,Ā āIām bisexual, actually,ā and theyād apologize?
Yāall make far too many assumptions about how bisexuals live their lives when our experiences can be almost identical to yours. Weāve always shared spaces with you, fought with and for you. Unless you somehow believe that we arenāt oppressed for our same-gender attraction, thereās no legitimate reason to āguardā these words from us. Theyāve been ours. We arenāt āstealingā anything.Ā
