a Rose by any Other Name

am I just as sweet, or just similarly thorny?

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

i hate it when people try to tell me how to fix my depression

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

how many times do i have to bite my arm before my teeth sink into my skin and i draw blood?

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

i want you to tell me that i matter before i tell you that i feel like i don't

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

do you ever just bottle up your emotions so bad that when they finally escape, they explode?

[thoughts-in-shower]

Spiderman’s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

DAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN

[thoughts-in-shower]

Spiderman’s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

DAAAAAAAAM

[thoughts-in-shower]

Spiderman’s Spidey sense is just really spot on anxiety.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

DAAAAAMN

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

consider this, professor, maybe only one of the reasons why i don't want to divulge my innermost suicidal desires to you because i know you'll be telling the counselor.

maybe i don't trust you. maybe i'm afraid of how you'll look at me after. maybe i don't want to get better. i don't trust people i've known all my life, how can i trust a stranger?

why do people thing it's so easy to be honest with your therapist? it's so easy to just say you're ok, it's so easy to lie, it's so so so so easy.

and i swear to god that when my counselor was leaving the services i intended to fill out that referral form and get a new one. i swear to god i meant to get help for myself, to get better, to be better. i swear to god i swear to god

but then i didn't know the answers to the questions on that referral form

but then i got busy

but then life got in the way and i thought i didn't need a counselor anyway, i'm better now.

maybe i just don't want to recover.

[thoughts-in-shower]

The hardest part of being depressed is acting like you’re not.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

idk i always thought that the hardest part was actually the "being depressed" bit given that i wear my mask by nature... ah, whatever

[anxietyproblem]

Follow us @anxietyproblem​

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

having a crush on somebody is bad enough without the raging hormones i get from puberty god damnit

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

when your hamliza fanfiction starts turning into a "hamilton is a fucking bitch and eliza is over him" fanfiction and fuck you didn't plan this but you like this ending more but you advertised it as hamliza but eliza deserves better

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

me: i don't feel so good

me: time to go complain about it on tumblr

me also: wait, you can't say that on the internet. no infinity war spoilers

me: ok first of all, that meme is dead

me: second of all, nothing that i just said was inherently related to marvel or the avengers in any way, shape, or form

me: third of all, if they haven't seen infinity war yet, they deserve the spoilers.

me also: he wasn't an avenger

me: what?

me also: you said that nothing you just said had to do with the avengers.

me also: peter parker was not an avenger

me also: didn't you watch that movie you fucking twat

me: /you are literally a part of me don't call me a twat/

me: and that is IRRELEVANT

me: i should be able to complain about my nausea on the internet anonymously to people who don't give a shit about me so that my friends won't know anything is wrong

me also: and to possible paedophiles?

me: don't be a pedant

me also: i do what a fucking want, bitch

me:

me: lightning mcqueen dies in infinity war

me also: NO SPOILERS

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

for those who leave: im sorry you had to. you did the best thing for yourself. i encourage you to move on and do what's best for you. it isn't easy to leave the one you once loved.

for those who were left: it's hard, but try not to blame them, or yourself, or anybody else. focus on making yourself feel better for a while. then move on.

[thoughts-in-shower]

You probably saw a person today who you will never see again for the rest of your life.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

little did you know that i've been inside all day with just birds and family

[anxietyproblem]

Follow us @anxietyproblem​

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

a mood bigger than my depression

[thoughts-in-shower]

When your room is a disaster, it only makes your depression worse. But when you finally clean it up, it’s like the mess itself was a physical form of your depression, and the act of cleaning it up was like you tackling your depression head-on and throwing out the shit in your life keeping you down.

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

so then it's definitely bad that i don't clean my room, right?

[just-a-little-arbitrary]

"for the record, i do not have a crush on him."

yeah, i didn't have feelings for my first girlfriend either, but you still pressured me into a relationship with her.

fucking asshole.