i am really. really not in the mood nor do i have the energy to get into it in full depth right now but. if you've seen my last post on the matter of the unhinged degrees of bullshit and abuse i've been dealing with from my family then this probably Will Not come as a surprise to you lol but! repeating my intro from earlier, i need to get the fuck out of this house as soon as possible and am at my wits end with trying to exhaust all options i have right now.
i am severely disabled (again, POTS, chronic pain, chronic fatigue, narcolepsy, and still suspected lupus/def some sort of severe autoimmune issue if its not lupus, EDS, etc. and that is just the physical issues lol) and have basically been deeply fucking medically neglected my entire life. i do not currently have a job, and i will not be able to apply for SSI at the moment though i will be looking into that a THIRD time as soon as i am able to, assuming job placement once again does not work. the future is a bit iffy on all of that right now bc i'm gonna be upfront.
my entire family has essentially abandoned me. my aunt and uncle are not going to do a single thing to help me, my brother has essentially decided i'm dead weight, and my mother is escalating severely each day. she is currently, i shit you not. trying to force me to sign on a one bedroom apartment when the lease is up here this may and pay for rent ENTIRELY BY MYSELF (again. i do not have any sort of income. she knows this.) for the both of us so she can, and i quote. use her own paycheck to "pay off her credit card debt" and then "go back and forth between here and brazil" to hang out with her "husband" who is my age and got himself arrested (and sub sequentially, deported) over christmas via felony trespassing (that he WAS warned about from MULTIPLE PEOPLE) which did end up in my "mothers" hospitalization as a side note.
obviously this is not fucking viable. obviously i am not safe here, and never was. obviously when i told her that i am not fucking doing that, she told me she was just gonna fuck off to brazil totally on her own and leave me to be homeless, again. in her own words. my family does not give a fuck about any of this and has made it clear that they have 0 interest in helping me (or her, for that matter. though thats a lost cause to be fair.)
so, um. yeah x2. not great. please do not feel pressured or obligated to send anything if you cannot afford it. i am trying my best to get a plan together and save up what little i do have to be able to afford to stay with a friend in upstate new york or possibly chicago depending on how things play out, but time is kind of of the essence and theres only so much i can do on my own at the moment.
i am so sorry to everyone who's been kind of just like. watching this happen live and putting up with me freaking out over all of this at random as well but as you can imagine it is extremely nightmarish right now and the pain i'm dealing with from the stress of it all alone has made it very difficult for me to be present beyond handling a small amount of what Needs to be done immediately for me to get out of this. idk how else to put it but like. i really, really, REALLY do not want to die here right now.
once again, you can find my ko-fi here
