I Crave

I yearn

[xyl0n-z0mb1e]

Doesn't even need to be romantic or anything I just need someone to lay on while I play animal crossing

Bonus points if they rub my head. I just need physical contact for a bit

[dogpuppy]

[loreleysparrow]

Do You guys want to help me make a colour-choice for my Fursona?

Which one do you like the best?

Lavender

Pink

Green

Voting ended onMar 11

[hopeless-ticklegeek]

Being touch starved is so fucking stupid because why am I interfacing with people I enjoy being around all day just to come back home and still feel incredibly lonely and unsatisfied?

It's so dumb and it's not fair and I just want physical affection and attention and I hate this feeling so much.

Someone please cuddle me. I need to warm this cold cold feeling inside of me right now.

💔 :(

[neckkiss]

TEXT ME

[justkindame]

I just had the most horrible nightmare of my life after months of not remembering my dreams.

[justkindame]

I was in the hospital, refusing to let myself get helped, so a male nurse pained something for me, that was meant to be my depression.

It had theses early Cézanne-Style walls in the foreground and then people felling every negative emotion behind them.

I singled out a little child in that picture, curled up below most of the other figures , clearly scared and crying.

The people-Section came together like a markerdrawing in timelapse and when I managed to stop staring at that kid that had slowly disappeared into the shadows, no one could see me, my room wasn’t in use anymore and I didn’t have a Voice nor could I properly control my movements. I was staggering, couldn’t walk straight. I tried calling the nurse, but what I was trying to say was Papa, that was the nurse in my head apparently, but nothing came out. I didn’t have a voice. Only whispers. I went back into the painting and I think I took the place of the child in that painting, just sitting there, in the shadows, letting the world happen and when I came out again, there were people walking around, a man in a pinstriped suit, I think he was smoking and a child and I stumbled towards the father, but the child screamed and I think I pushed the dad with me out of the window but I survived and stayed that voiceless, frail husk of either myself or the child from the painting, I really don’t know. I woke up after that.

The child was just paint on the wall, a small part of the mural and clearly not special to the artist. I watched it’s details vanishing into painted shadows like a timelapse of someone building up colour with alcohol markers.

And I‘m not sure if or when the dream version of me died. I can’t tell if I died and got stuck in the painting as a monstrous looking ghost, or if dream me just got forgotten and turned into that monster because of that, so fixated on that child that had been painted into nothing but shadows that I forgot to exist and it could go into the painting after.

I could only see my arms at the end, stayed strictly in the monster pov, but they looked thing and brittle and I could only whisper noises and barely speak. I have no idea what I became.

I never want to sleep again.

[justkindame]

Quick artist rendition:

[justkindame]

I just had the most horrible nightmare of my life after months of not remembering my dreams.

[justkindame]

I was in the hospital, refusing to let myself get helped, so a male nurse pained something for me, that was meant to be my depression.

It had theses early Cézanne-Style walls in the foreground and then people felling every negative emotion behind them.

I singled out a little child in that picture, curled up below most of the other figures , clearly scared and crying.

The people-Section came together like a markerdrawing in timelapse and when I managed to stop staring at that kid that had slowly disappeared into the shadows, no one could see me, my room wasn’t in use anymore and I didn’t have a Voice nor could I properly control my movements. I was staggering, couldn’t walk straight. I tried calling the nurse, but what I was trying to say was Papa, that was the nurse in my head apparently, but nothing came out. I didn’t have a voice. Only whispers. I went back into the painting and I think I took the place of the child in that painting, just sitting there, in the shadows, letting the world happen and when I came out again, there were people walking around, a man in a pinstriped suit, I think he was smoking and a child and I stumbled towards the father, but the child screamed and I think I pushed the dad with me out of the window but I survived and stayed that voiceless, frail husk of either myself or the child from the painting, I really don’t know. I woke up after that.

The child was just paint on the wall, a small part of the mural and clearly not special to the artist. I watched it’s details vanishing into painted shadows like a timelapse of someone building up colour with alcohol markers.

And I‘m not sure if or when the dream version of me died. I can’t tell if I died and got stuck in the painting as a monstrous looking ghost, or if dream me just got forgotten and turned into that monster because of that, so fixated on that child that had been painted into nothing but shadows that I forgot to exist and it could go into the painting after.

I could only see my arms at the end, stayed strictly in the monster pov, but they looked thing and brittle and I could only whisper noises and barely speak. I have no idea what I became.

I never want to sleep again.

[justkindame]

I just had the most horrible nightmare of my life after months of not remembering my dreams.

[phantomrose96]

You'd think growing up aro/ace would make someone immune to the "you must strive to be sexy and beautiful" pressure of society. But I think it can actually make it worse because, lacking your own internal frame of reference, you just get left absorbing the cultural signals that the minimum bar for attractive is a 10/10 bombshell 23-year-old skinny white Hollywood actress with significant makeup and some plastic surgery.

Like it takes longer to gather the life experience to recognize average-looking and even "ugly" people are attractive and desirable to a significant portion of the population.

[phantomrose96]

Like "entity with no need for food or hunger" getting exposed to extremely polished high-production-value food advertisements and high-profile foodie content with millions of views would go "oh okay, that explains what food is appealing" and miss the fact that many many many people just want a hotdog right now.

[justkindame]

It feels like I’m on a tiny boat in the worst storm I have ever faced. I threw all my lifelines out to help others but instead of getting them on my boat, the lifelines just ripped holes into the hull. And for years and years and years all I’ve been doing is trying to cast the water back out of my boat into the ocean. And I was okay. I’m quick enough that I thought I wasn’t sinking. I was quick enough that everyone else thought I wasn’t sinking.

But the water is slowly, slowly rising and my arms are getting so tired but I can’t just stop. And every ship that comes by is so much sturdier than mine but none of them see that my boat is sinking. And so I just have to keep going until I physically can’t keep going and secretly, in my heart, I am hoping so much that the next wave will crash me against a cliff, because if my boat is nothing but splinters then no one can pretend they don’t see me drowning.

And so I look for cliffs and maybe I drive too close to them, but the waves don’t hurl me against the rock and all I can do it keep going.

[justkindame]

Vater, Mutter, Kind

Vater

Was ist hässlich?

Nicht die verzerrten Fratzen seltsamer Gruselgestalten, die entstellen Gesichter halb verwesender Zombies.

Nein, hässlich sind deine Schritte, die durch meinen Kopf klingen, Die Klauen deiner Worte, die in mein Herz dringen und mich tanzen lassen, wie eine Puppe, und an Fäden mich leiten, nach deinem Willen zu springen.

Weil ich dich liebe, und du mich nicht.

Hässlich, zeigst du im Licht, Dich lügend, forderst Schuld, mit der du mich führst, Weil du mein Mitleid rührst, Ohne selbst zu fühlen.

Hässlich, so zeigst du im Licht, endlich dein wahres Gesicht.

Mutter

(Mutter:) "Ich bin so hässlich.",

(Tochter:) "Nein, bist du nicht.",

(Mutter:) "Ich hasse mein Leben.",

(Tochter:) "Ich liebe dich." Brauche dich.

Warum siehst du nur Monster, Nur Leid und Vergeh'n, Wenn wir, die dich lieben, Grad vor dir stehen?

Willst du nicht glauben, dass du nicht hässlich bist?

Dass die Welt nicht nur voller Schatten ist?

Das es liebe gibt, trotz deinem Schmerz, Das du alles bist, in meinem Herz?

Soll ich dir einfach Glauben?

Dass du hässlich bist, weil du leidest?

Soll ich? Willst du das?

(Mutter:) "Ich bin so hässlich.",

(Tochter:) "Dann bin ich das auch.",

(Mutter:) "Mach einfach weiter, solange du kannst."

(Tochter:) "Siehst du nicht, wie du uns ins Verderben tanzt?"

Kind

Und was bin ich?

Wenn ich vor dem Spiegel steh, und deine Fratze seh, In den Lügen, die ich denke, Die ich sagen will,

In der Hoffnung, dass jemand an meiner Seite bleibt und mich umarmt und stumm und still, Bei mir beiben will,

Obwohl ich hässlich bin, Und voller Fehler und Verlangen, Die um meinen Hals sich schlangen Und mich nun noch aufrecht halten, Über meine Taten walten.

Wenn ich mich für euch entstelle, Mich verliere und zerfalle, Bin ich dann die Liebe wert, Die mein Innerstes begehrt?

Bin ich hässlich, weil ich will, Das Ihr endlich eimal seht, Wie mein Körper sich verdreht, Mein Geist sich winded und verkommt,

So sehr das ich die Schmerzen will, Die Narben auf der Haut.

Sind Die hässlich?

Nur weil ich mich selbst entstelle?

Linien zieh durch mein Fleisch?

Und mir endlich Augen wünsche, die mich hören wenn ich kreisch' Und schrei und tob, und doch nur still daneben steh

Und euch hilflos dabei zuseh'

Wie ihr mich dreht und formt und überlastet, Bis ich nicht mehr kann.

Und wenn ich unter euch zu Staub zerfalle, Wie hässlich bin ich dann?

[justkindame]

At least rock bottom is solid ground to stand on

[apollos-boyfriend]

sometimes i forget wizardposting isn’t a regular occurrence on any other website. what do you mean your posts don’t randomly get taken over my evil wizards casting spells on your peunis

[evilwizard]

prepare thyself

[apollos-boyfriend]

[toonsquiid]

messy screencap sketch of my beautiful princess with a disorder

[the-haiku-bot]

messy screencap sketch

of my beautiful princess

with a disorder

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[kaidanalenkogf]

make sure to rotate your papa every 20 minutes or so

[adenomors]

what the HELL is romance

I genuinely mean that. I've never understood the concept of dating. What's the difference between romantic and platonic affection? Where is the line drawn?

If you go out to dinner with your partner, it's a romantic date. But friends go out to eat together all the time, with only two of them. It's not romantic if they're friends. Why not? It's the exact same thing, with different labels. Two people eat dinner, alone together at some restaurant. The only thing that seperates them is that the former are in an "official" relationship.

When you have a crush on someone, you want to get to know them and you want to spend extra time with them. When you want to be good friends with someone, you want to get to know them and you want to spend extra time with them. Is the line drawn at sexuality? Is it because you'd only have sex with a partner?

There's no way it's like that. So many people value the romantic aspects of relationships and don't care for the sexual, which means there has to be something else special about it. But what even are the romantic aspects? To me, it sounds like they're the same as friendly gestures, but with a different label. Is it kissing? I doubt people would go so far as to create a new genre of relationship just for kissing.

My theory is that people value romantic relationships because of the limitation. You can have many friends, but (for whatever reason) you can't have more than one partner. It's special because only one person in the world can give you this relationship at a time. But that theory falls apart when you put polyamorous people into the equation. If romance is special because it's limited to one, what do poly people find valuable in relationships? Everyone in the relationship deeply cares about the others, but more than their close friend/s? From what I've seen, the only difference between mono and poly people when it comes to romance is that the polyamorous can have more than two in their relationship. I've seen no difference in their actual feelings towards romance.

My old therapist tried explaining once (great therapist btw). According to him, romantic relationships are a layer above close platonic relationships. A special bond is shared, you care about them more than anyone else, and you do things you wouldn't do with a friend... That makes no sense to me. I wouldn't put anyone above my best friend, and I have a bond with her without it being romantic. Also, loads of people care about friends more than they do partners.

I've tried dating before. I mistook my strong platonic feelings for him as romantic, when really I don't even know what romantic feelings are. While we were dating, I subconsciously saw us as best friends but with a different label. We hung out, spent lots of time together, called it romantic, and kissed sometimes. But I didn't feel anything when we kissed. Our relationship wasn't on a higher level than my other platonic relationships, and the bond I felt was no different than with my best friend. I'm still friends with the guy I dated, and I think it's better like that. There are less confusing feelings this way.

I'm not particularly upset that I don't understand this. I'm not meant to know everything about the world (although that would be cool), and it's okay that some things leave me confused. This extra level of relationship just seems complicated and unnecessary, anyways. But sometimes romance seems to be all anyone is talking about. Listening to people talk about their love lives makes me feel alien; I wish I could relate.

[hi-cassiel]

Constantly afraid that I love my friends selfishly, like do I actually like them are do I just like being loved??? Is it bad or selfish to care for some one purely because they make you feel loved??? Is there any other way to actually love someone???