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@justonemorethingsir
"There's a couple loose ends I'd like ta tie up. Nothing important, you understand! But, uh...it is somethin' I gotta do..."
justonemorethingsir-An independent, semi-selective portrayal of Lieutenant Columbo from the 70s mystery show Columbo. Assisted in the investigation by Ruby. Crossovers welcome!
Please read rules before interacting. Follows and likes from @always-together.
Huge thanks to @doyl1st for the graphic!
I got all that I want and if it's all the same to you, I don't need a course in self-awareness to find out who I am! So don't ask me what I'm into, I don't need to prove I'm cool!
nevermellow, an indie and selective oc roleplay blog created from the pure zaniness of my mind (and help from w.eird a.l's music). fandomless, crossover friendly, and 21+. slow & sporadic. non-rp blogs can scram! lovingly written by ramone, promo template by artsluna.
carrd here, with rules and biography.
And I'm in no hurry to be casual; in fact, I think I'll wait until I'm pushing up the daisies! I'll be mellow when I'm dead, I'll be mellow when I'm dead, I'll be mellow when I'm dead!
My reviews of the Seasons 1 and 2 episodes of Columbo (plus the pilots) should be done for tomorrow, but in the meantime I was bored and ended up wandering onto Tiermaker. So have a ranking of what I've watched so far! Including two Season 3 episodes that won't be reviewed just yet cause I'm not finished with the season.
They're not in order from left to right or anything fancy like that; that's reserved for when I'm finished with the whole show. Enjoy this little teaser for my big long post about the seasons I have finished tomorrow!
Columbo isn't really the kind of guy to drink alcohol, not even socially. When people order wine, bourbon, cocktails, and so on, he'll be ordering root beer (his favorite!), coffee, or even fruit juices if the mood strikes him.
However, he knows a surprising amount about alcohol for someone who rarely drinks. He's dealt with numerous killers in the industry, and always makes a point to learn about their trade for both fun and to impress the killer so they let down their guard even more. (He'll say mainly the second one, but it really and truly is both equally)
When he does drink, he doesn't really have a preference and will usually drink whatever someone is offering/whatever the caught killer is mixing at their bar this time. If he had to choose, it would be either an Old Fashioned cocktail or Cabernet Sauvignon wine...whatever is cheaper.
"You'll have ta stop me if ya see me the next time I'm walkin' my Dog. I'm sure you'll think he's adorable."
He made a few last minute scribbles on the note as they described the game, which once again looked like well-maintained chaos. "A card game that just looks like a trading card..." he said to himself as he wrote. "All this stuff that people come up with while I'm busy solvin' cases...it's really somethin'. Bein' able to pick up both of those things at the same store'll be a real time saver."
When he was done, he looked over his handiwork and sighed: Those were the three most confusing items, and Zora had broken them down to make them seem like a piece of cake. He looked back up at them and handed them back their pencil for the second time since he'd known them.
"Looks like that's all of the stuff that stumped me, Zora. Listen, you've been a big help explainin' this all ta me, and I really, really appreciate it. The nieces and nephews are gonna be real happy with this stuff...and I'm sure they'll get a kick out of me of all people gettin' it for them."
As he folded up the note and stuck it back into one of the many pockets of his raincoat, he seemed more openly distracted than he had been just moments prior. Should he go into what he wanted to talk about now, especially when this conversation had seemingly gone much better than last time?
After helping him this time and last time, they deserved some sort of explanation. He fumbled around for a cigar in one of his front pockets, although he didn't light it yet.
"If you've, uh...got the time...there's somethin' else I wanted ta talk about, too."
"...Right, right. I'm sure the dog is pretty cute." Whether or not, Zora would actually commit to stopping Columbo the next time that they saw him would be another thing. If anything, they weren't really sure they would be the one doing the stopping here if their experiences so far were anything to go by.
"Yeah, it's truly fascinating the things that people have been able to make. It's been pretty interesting to me to observe that as well." When the pencil is offered back to them, Z gives a slight nod before slipping it into their messenger bag once more.
It had been pretty nice that they had been able to help out a little bit. "I mean..if my information came in handy then all the better. Glad that I was a little helpful."
To think Z was this far from coming out of this with at least..something more akin to a neutral feeling about him although they could never really feel much higher than that, nature of his station and all really.
So the mention of him wanting to talk to them about something else has Zora narrowing their eyes in a bit of a cautious expression.
"About what exactly... "
"You really were, Zora. I hope you know that I mean that."
It's now, after seeing how cautious and tense Zora looks at him wanting to talk, that he fishes for his matchbox and (thankfully) finds it almost immediately. The cigar is placed between his lips and lit as quickly as the lieutenant could manage, not wanting to prolong things anymore then they've already been. But the smoke would help him choose his words carefully, to make sure they knew he meant it.
"Sorry," he habitually apologized. "I'm sure ya remember...the cigar helps me talk and think better."
After another puff, he let out an extended exhale before speaking again. "Zora...I'm not the tidiest guy. Even I know that. Been this way all my life, and I can't tell ya how many times I've tried ta correct it. Labels, folders, sticky note reminders...nothin' ever works. Even now, I'm still tryin'-small ways, mostly...see, this is what I mean. I'm...what's the term...miles away sometimes. It's how I've always been.
"When I made lieutenant and got assigned to a beat involving killers on the richer side, those guys started talkin' ta me like I was a fool. And I figured I'd lean into that a little if that's what they saw me as, play into it and catch 'em off guard. It's worked for me so far in all my time at this rank.
"...I investigate homicides every week of every month of every year," he continued after taking another drag. "And sometimes, like with anythin' else, stuff gets misplaced in my mind. Ya know how ya can lose track of change or other small things? When I'm really focused, and I mean really, Zora, I can lose track of the fact that some of the people I gotta talk to were closer to the victim than others. They're still mourning, and here I gotta come in and make it all the worse...even if it's my job.
"I really like my job. I do. But standin' there outside of that art gallery, I realized how terrific of a jerk I made myself out ta be ta you. And I'm not gonna stand here and pray for ya to forgive me, cause that sort of thing's just not right ta me. But what I will stand here and say is this. I wish I'd been more careful and kind ta you that night. I'm sorry."
@the-expatriate COLUMBO IN...HAIR AS BLUE AS THE OCEAN
"Oh, he's fully-grown...forget what he weighed at his last check-in, though. I've picked 'im up when he's like this a little while ago, actually; had to bring 'im in ta the vet. Ya can try it if ya want...he might even be easier ta lift than your cat."
Although he would definitely be asking to see pictures of her cat later-he liked dogs far more, but still considered cats lovable-right now Columbo's biggest concern was crossing that short distance to his car. He didn't mind his Dog sleeping; he certainly wasn't going to force a large adult basset hound to stay as active as a tiny puppy. But his tendency to do it in the most inconvenient of places was something he did mind.
"Uh...his name?" He scratched his head again, face wrinkling as his smile and demeanor turned quite sheepish. "Well, uh...he doesn't really have one. Oh, me and my wife puzzled and puzzled for weeks tryin' ta give 'im a good name, sure...even argued about it. But when we say stuff like 'come here, Dog!', he just comes runnin'...so I guess ya could just call 'im 'Dog'."
"In all fairness, I've got a Pontiac Firebird from nineteen eighty six. I happen to love a good vintage and I think yours is just as nice! Comfy, that's for sure."
Pari would then gently keep petting Dog even as she placed him on the seat in the back of the car. Still smiling away at the canine and his human companion, she nodded at his offer of exchanging pictures.
"Of course, Mr Columbo. Here, let me get them on my phone and I can show you the cats. Usually, I don't wanna come off as too.. weird about them. They've helped me through so much since I moved you see and anyone who says that animals are just animals haven't experienced the companionship they offer."
"I know exactly what ya mean. Just cause it's an older car doesn't mean it isn't comfortable to drive...ya know what I always say ta people who think otherwise? 'Take care of your car, and it'll take care of you'. No matter how vintage it is."
And "vintage" was definitely the word he would use to describe his Peugeot. It still worked for him like a charm after all of these years, though, much like his raincoat. There was no sense in replacing what wasn't broken.
He would continue talking to Pari as he circled back to the glovebox. "No kiddin'. People have said stuff like that ta you?" He clicked his tongue. "Let me tell ya: If I wasn't married, and I'm very happy I am, I would've gone crazy if it weren't for Dog. He's got his habits, but hey, so does everything else in the world. If you're gonna live alone in a big city like this, ya need a pet or two ta keep you sane. Course, that's just my opinion, but...Hey, I think I found some!"
He came back up holding a handful of Polaroids, brushing off the dust on them before closing the door and walking back over to her side. "I wanna meet your friends first," he smiled. "Then I'll show ya what I've got."
Thank you all for your patience while I deal with another (much more manageable) case of zoning out and fixating on three different things at once "lol". Replies will be coming tonight and my reviews of most of the Lumbo I've seen so far will be here by the end of the week 😄
Are you even a real cop? / from viktoryia !
THE LIEUTENANT'S ON THE CASE-ACCEPTING
The question, flippant and unbelieving, makes the detective chuckle slightly. "How I look isn't exactly what ya think of when ya think of a cop, is it?" he says back with one of his usual sheepish smiles, a rare moment of overt self awareness from the lieutenant.
Of course, that was mainly because he was taking in everything that he could see about the petite lady in front of him. Shoulder-length hair that was at least three different colors, a faded scar on her neck, whatever she herself was wearing. So many things to take note of, but none of them invoked any hunches at the moment. At least it would make keeping the conversation casual that much easier, since he had no idea what he was looking for yet.
"I've had this raincoat for a while," he explained. "Sometimes it feels like it's as much a part of me as my own hands and feet. It's comfortable. Makes thinkin' and doin' my job a whole lot easier. But, uh...I am a cop, if you can believe it. Lieutenant Columbo of the LAPD; I can find my badge if ya still don't trust me..."
One hand went into the pocket he usual kept his badge in as he kept talking. "But enough about me, ma'am...how about you? What's your name and job?"
Even I know that this is way out of line! / from belinda!
THE LIEUTENANT'S ON THE CASE-ACCEPTING
The lieutenant didn't seem too fazed physically by the lady's outburst, although his eyes noticeably softened. He backed away from her a little, giving her some space as he rummaged for a cigar and a lighter within his raincoat.
"I can tell this is makin' ya uncomfortable, Miss Andilet, and believe me...that's the last thing I wanted ta do," he apologizes as the items he was looking for are revealed from his pockets. "This is all just part of the job, ya understand. Can't exactly go back to my captain with a half-done report on somethin' as devastating as murder. So I'm...hold on a moment..."
He'd pursed the cheap little thing between his teeth at this point, and he paused so he could click open the lighter and set the opposite end alight. Small wisps of smoke started billowing out, and Columbo puffed on it for a moment before taking it back out so he could speak again.
"...I'm not accusin' you of anything. I wanna make that very clear, Miss Andilet. But ta be honest, I think that someone in your social circle might've committed the crime." He was about to raise the cigar for another puff before he stopped. "Is there anyone at all that you know that you think might've had a motive for this sort of thing?"
"I can imagine 'em appealing to older folks, too: Lots of people like cute stuff no matter how old they are, right? Take my Dog-I have a Dog, he's this big basset hound-people love ta stop and tell me how cute he is, whether they're six years old or sixty. Gee, no wonder this thing's lasted so long..."
He deliberately avoided that other part of Zora's response as he put one hand in his pocket and listened to them explain about the trading cards. Working in homicide was a job he found incredibly rewarding-he got to stay active in the field and catch murderers-but he definitely did his best to not think about the negatives too much. His mind was always churning around unsolved cases, to the point he couldn't remember the last time he'd gotten a full night's sleep...not to mention being away from home a good chunk of the time...
There was a sudden bout of silence against his thoughts, and Columbo blinked dumbly at Zora as he tried to recall what they'd even been talking about. He hated how easily his mind wandered when he wasn't on the job, and sometimes when he was. How he'd gotten this far in life, he had no idea.
Oh right, the trading cards! Just like that, their explanation came back to him as took his hand out and knocked it against his head. "Sorry, I was, uh...I was thinkin' about where I'm gonna buy these cards from," he lied, if only to save himself a little embarrassment. "So they are like baseball cards, just with different pictures and clear winners and losers? 'Cause y'know, with baseball cards, you can talk about the statistics on the back all day 'n' night and never come to a conclusion about who the best player is. But with these, ya can?"
He stared at the note for a second before looking back up. "It seems like a kinda game. Ya think I could buy some at those cards at places that have the 'access codes'?"
"Oh certainly - the appeal of cute has a very wide audience. So I'm sure there are some older people that find them quite appealing too." They did manage a small chuckle at his description about his dog. "Yeah. I imagine that your dog is very popular with others because of that cute factor." People do enjoy seeing it in all kinds of situations, Zora certainly wasn't above that either. Although their personal definition of cute could be surprisingly expansive.
When Columbo didn't respond to their other part of the statement, Zora recognized it but knew better than to push it. Especially since they knew how they felt about the sheer ambivalence they often had around the profession as a whole despite Columbo seeming fairly .. personable in his own way.
They raised their eyebrow as they saw him trying to recall, get some focus back on their original topic of discussion. Interesting that he seems to drift like this .. they quietly noticed, wondering how often that happened to him when not considering a case of some kind.
"Right, right. There are a number of different places to get them from. But yeah.. these are similar to baseball cards but with more clear winners and losers -because like some types are especially strong against other cards. And so playing these cards against each other can be a pretty fun activity. Yes.. it is a kind of game. So I think you would be able to get these cards at a same kind of place as you would get access codes for online games. "
"You'll have ta stop me if ya see me the next time I'm walkin' my Dog. I'm sure you'll think he's adorable."
He made a few last minute scribbles on the note as they described the game, which once again looked like well-maintained chaos. "A card game that just looks like a trading card..." he said to himself as he wrote. "All this stuff that people come up with while I'm busy solvin' cases...it's really somethin'. Bein' able to pick up both of those things at the same store'll be a real time saver."
When he was done, he looked over his handiwork and sighed: Those were the three most confusing items, and Zora had broken them down to make them seem like a piece of cake. He looked back up at them and handed them back their pencil for the second time since he'd known them.
"Looks like that's all of the stuff that stumped me, Zora. Listen, you've been a big help explainin' this all ta me, and I really, really appreciate it. The nieces and nephews are gonna be real happy with this stuff...and I'm sure they'll get a kick out of me of all people gettin' it for them."
As he folded up the note and stuck it back into one of the many pockets of his raincoat, he seemed more openly distracted than he had been just moments prior. Should he go into what he wanted to talk about now, especially when this conversation had seemingly gone much better than last time?
After helping him this time and last time, they deserved some sort of explanation. He fumbled around for a cigar in one of his front pockets, although he didn't light it yet.
"If you've, uh...got the time...there's somethin' else I wanted ta talk about, too."
@heartinhands COLUMBO IN...A BUSMAN'S HOLIDAY
Columbo would listen intently in between spoonfuls of his chili, eyes focused on both his word choice and general demeanor as he described his childhood holidays. The detective's body language was flippant and casual, his eyes having that all-too-familiar gleam of being half-lost somewhere else. In the short time he'd known him, the lieutenant had come to two conclusions about Rust: He was ill-tempered, and something had happened-or was happening-to make him that way.
He wasn't investigating him for a murder, however; he was a temporary partner, someone he didn't want to scare away or offend. In other similar circumstances, he would poke at those things he noticed, but within a casual conversation about celebrating the holidays, he would shake away his observations and keep things on topic for now. He hoped he wouldn't forget to bring them up when things eventually turned serious again.
He gently clanked the spoon down in the dish, taking a small sip of water and smiling warmly at Rust. Pretending none of that had ever once crossed his mind. "I'd certainly say so. Doesn't get much quieter than no decorations and no presents," he replied, a little shocked by it all and not wanting to hide that aspect of his feelings. "Nothin' at all, though? Not even spendin' a little extra in town once ya saw that it was that time of year? Or Christmas music picked up from a radio tower? Boy, I've certainly never heard of that before-and I don't mean any offense sayin' that, ya understand. Even scrooges have ta put up with the holidays around here, so hearin' that you and your dad were so far away from it all?"
He shrugs, slumping against the booth a little. "It's stunning, it really is. But hey, as long as you were happy and found your own ways ta have fun, who am I to judge?"
His eyes gravitated towards the lonely cup of coffee on his side of the table. If nothing else, that was the clearest proof that something was bothering him.
"This is legal, right?" from Brian
THE LIEUTENANT'S ON THE CASE-ACCEPTING
The comment earns a rare outright chuckle from the lieutenant. "I'm a police lieutenant, sir. How would it look if I started foolin' around while tryin' ta solve a case?"
They were standing outside of the killer suspect's house, Columbo's index finger inches away from ringing the doorbell. Upon his partner voicing concerns, however, he turned back around to gesture while he explained his thought processes.
"This is the way I'm thinkin' about it," he said, touching his forehead for a few seconds before dropping the hand to continue gesturing. "The butler seemed real nice when I was here last; he'll probably let us poke around as long as we don't turn the place inside out-which we're not gonna. We're lookin' for somethin' specific. Worse case scenario, we come back later when she's back from work...or file a search warrant if things get really hairy."
He dropped his hands and shrugged as he concluded his explanation. "Just the way I've always done things. Y'know, I'm real glad you're here, and I mean that: I don't question my hunches too much anymore. When I'm talkin' ta you, I can see if any of what I'm thinking or doin' makes any sense."
Detective Sentences, Vol. 30
(Sentences from various sources for detectives and/or muses that like to solve mysteries. Adjust phrasing where needed)
"Can't you see? Someone is trying to frame me!"
"Why are you so interested in such an old case?"
"You want us to investigate... Us?"
"It's very often the most boring, insignificant detail that leads to a solution."
"This is legal, right?"
"You should know better than to ask that."
"Despite what people might think, criminals aren't very smart. That's why they end up in jail."
"Did he seem too unconcerned to you?"
"I faked some evidence. It's a whole big thing. I might end up in prison."
"Do you think we'll look back on our lives one day and wish we hadn't worked so many cases?"
"We can't risk some lawyer getting the case thrown out because you free-styled protocol!"
"Chances are I'm going to spend the rest of my career going around schools, teaching kids how to cross the road now..."
"I can't comment on an ongoing investigation."
"Normally, I would have just shot you the second you pulled out a gun, but I am doing my best to avoid the paperwork and the self-recrimination that comes with it."
"When you do what we do, the people you work with become like family."
"This is crucial information. Now we have some real leverage."
"Admit it, you could have just as easily been an outlaw as a lawman."
"I never doubted your brilliance as a detective."
"That guy's got dead eyes. Shark eyes. It's almost like he isn't even human, you know?"
"It isn't that hard! Follow him wherever he goes and try not to let him see you!"
"Can't you do anything discreetly?"
"Rather than being a healthy diversion, this case is becoming an addiction of sorts."
"The best lies are 90% true."
"Even I know that this is way out of line!"
"Are you even a real cop?"
"Serial arsonists tend to be powerless in their own lives. They want other people to know what that feels like."
"Once a case is in my head, I just can't let it go."
"Sometimes it seems like gravedigging is all we do around here."
"If we can figure out what they're getting out of these robberies, we might be able to predict what their next move it."
"Where did you get that evidence?"
"You're connected to this case in some way, and we need to find out how."
"What are you not telling me?"
After feeling unfocused for most of the holidays I'm happy to say I'm back for the New Year! Thank you all for having patience with me while I zoned out for way too long lol. 'Lumbo and I are back and I'm gonna do my best to be here consistently again.
I'm either gonna do a starter call or reblog some memes tomorrow to get things going again, but in the meantime would anyone be interested in me (briefly) reviewing all of the Columbo episodes I've seen thus far? In addition to being propaganda for checking out the show it's something fun I've been meaning to try doing anyway. God why isn't Columbo on Letterboxd, I'd actually use it if it was
Anyway, I'm heading off for the night. See you guys again tomorrow!
@the-expatriate COLUMBO IN...HAIR AS BLUE AS THE OCEAN
"Oh, he's fully-grown...forget what he weighed at his last check-in, though. I've picked 'im up when he's like this a little while ago, actually; had to bring 'im in ta the vet. Ya can try it if ya want...he might even be easier ta lift than your cat."
Although he would definitely be asking to see pictures of her cat later-he liked dogs far more, but still considered cats lovable-right now Columbo's biggest concern was crossing that short distance to his car. He didn't mind his Dog sleeping; he certainly wasn't going to force a large adult basset hound to stay as active as a tiny puppy. But his tendency to do it in the most inconvenient of places was something he did mind.
"Uh...his name?" He scratched his head again, face wrinkling as his smile and demeanor turned quite sheepish. "Well, uh...he doesn't really have one. Oh, me and my wife puzzled and puzzled for weeks tryin' ta give 'im a good name, sure...even argued about it. But when we say stuff like 'come here, Dog!', he just comes runnin'...so I guess ya could just call 'im 'Dog'."
"Yeah, been here about.. wow, six months? It doesn't feel that long. But I gotta ask, Mr Columbo. Where abouts did you visit when you visited England?"
She asked still holding the loveable basset hound and watching as Columbo had went to open the car up for her to place his hound there.
She quickly carried Dog over and gently plonked him onto the back seat of the car.
"There. Cosy! Also this is a nice car. Almost a classic, in some circles I'd reckon. Anyway, yes. So.. now I've gotta ask. Where abouts in England did you end up visiting? See, I'm from Worthing. Not too far from Brighton."
"Six months, huh? I woulda ended up guessin' a year or two. Well, I'm not gonna pry about why you're here, 'cause that would be indecent and impolite of me. I just hope you're enjoyin' Los Angeles so far!"
Not one to simply stand by when someone was doing something difficult, even if that "something" was helping him out, Columbo would meet up with Pari halfway to make sure that his Dog wasn't going to give her any trouble. If anything, he looked more wide-eyed than usual, taking in the street from a higher vantage point than he was used to, but soon enough she'd safely carried him to his familiar spot in the back seat of the car. He smiled at his Dog before circling to the glovebox to grab some treats for him.
"Isn't it fancy?" he said proudly as he returned with some small bone shaped treats, seemingly unaware of the beat up exterior and messy interior. "It's a French Peugeot; ya don't really see stuff like this anymore. My wife's got a car for herself of course, but it's not a foreign car like this. Here ya go, Dog...this for bein' so nice to Ms. Pari..."
As Dog happily gobbled up the treats, he turned around to lean against the car as he responded to her question. "What were ya askin' about again? Right, where I visited...To be honest, it wasn't a tour of the country or anythin' like that," he explained as he gestured. "It was an invitation to London from someone who was already there...'course, like I said, I took lots of pictures, but there was work to do, as well. There always seems ta be when I go on vacation..."
He shook his head with a rare frown, not elaborating on what his work was for the time being, before meeting Pari's eyes again. "My wife's got most of 'em, but I might have a few in my glovebox...me showin' you those and you showin' me your cats seems like fair trade, huh?"
His face softened again with a smile as he stopped leaning-though there was a slight slouch to his posture anyway.
