Memento Mori

Not really here anymore! 

[botanyshitposts]

idk how the hell i’ve run a blog called ‘botanyshitposts’ for almost four years now without ever thinking to talk about this but in high school my little brother wanted a pet that wouldnt die so we got him a moss ball for $8 at a pet store and he named it tiki and it lives in this dedicated plastic tank at our parents’ house even though we’re both at college now. usually it doesnt do anything but over the past two weeks of winter break our family has watched in horror as it has gone about the process of slowly and ominously rising from its usual position at the depths of its abode to the top, where it now floats with gravel bits stuck to it from literal years of not moving. my mom has moved it to behind the sink so now whenever i go to wash my hands in the kitchen i have to face it and im scared

[botanyshitposts]

just squeezed all the water out of her like yall said in the replies and i put her back and shes still floating….maybe she just likes it up there

[botanyshitposts]

[botanyshitposts]

update: she sank to the bottom and stayed there for days and i thought this story was over until i WALKED OVER TO THE SINK JUST NOW

[botanyshitposts]

test: pet her, tell her she is a good moss ball

results: she sit 

[botanyshitposts]

wild things about this post:

-the amount of porn bots mass reblogging this bc of the word ‘ball’

-the amount of people with extensive knowledge about native moss ball habitats and care coming out of the woodwork to reply to this post 

-the amount of people endeared and riveted by her ongoing performance

[shock]

love being trusted with “you cant tell anyone this” conversations and nodding a lot and forgetting everything they told me like god intended and going down as a trustworthy individual while doing literally zero work of ill or good

[linguini17]

Amnesic neutral

[hypnoticimagines]

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD THIS SONG IS ??? LIKE THANK YOU KING RECORDS FOR FEEDING US

[coffinman21-deactivated20260301]

Hypnosis mic - Hoodstar

[stimman4000]

.

[aghostintheforest]

@bears-official

[bears-official]

!!!!!

[starrose17]

I was so totally not aware that people didn’t know that being sorted into Houses was a real thing in UK schools. It’s not something made up just for the Harry Potter world, it’s a real schooling system, I was in the St George House at my school and everyone had the same attitude to Prefects as everyone in the HP world did to Percy Weasley I can assure you.

[askcosplaysenpai]

how do you get the hat to talk

[lunabellie]

We had them in my high school here in Australia and let me tell you I wish we didn’t

[ayellowbirds]

i’m torn between my feelings about OP’s statement, and my feelings about your school’s officially sponsored raunchy furry artwork

[tsunamiwavesurfing]

[dandraco]

This is… the exact opposite of that dark souls gif

[rhymeswithgurt]

I don’t think it’s possible to adequately state how fucking ballsy and skilled this player is considering the EXTREMELY specific timing of that dodge and catching the spear attack WHILE TAUNTING BETWEEN EACH THROW

[bodmanford]

[awkward-tension]

I’m wheezing

[surprisebitch]

Big Dick Energy

[thepigeongazette]

just calling it now

[kuttithevangu]

One of my favorite pieces of folklore is the one that says while babies are gestating an angel comes and teaches them the entire torah. And then at nine months or so the angel KARATE-CHOPS THEM IN THE FACE, thereby punting them out of the womb screaming, and they forget everything they learned

That’s why we have a dent underneath our noses

Why go to all the trouble of teaching babies things and then karate-chopping their memory into oblivion?

So they have to spend their whole life looking around at the world EXTRA HARD in order to get rid of the feeling that they’ve forgotten something important

Jewish folktales… Am I right

[kuttithevangu]

[sovereign of the universe voice] yes, and you, that angel there, your task is to prenatally punch my people in the face, so that they may know hypervigilance

[old-manrupee]

So now I’m seriously wondering what Jewish folktales say about babies born early via cesarean? Are they the ones that got away?

Does a certain angel have to hunt down these slippery customers and make sure they get the punching they need before they develop into toddlers etc and give away all the torah secrets? Spy vs spy, but it’s an angel and a baby

[onthewaytojudaism]

I saw that in a book I was reading recently the whole baby learns torah thing

[salamshalompeace]

What book?

[onthewaytojudaism]

It’s called The World to Come by Dara Horn

[the-sky-is-yours]

when i was told this folktale the details were that the mark above are lip is the dent of the angels pinky. Right Before the baby enters are world the angel puts its pinky on the babys mouth to make it forgetts all the torah the angel tuaght to the baby in the womb. No karate chopping. But i actually like that one better. Its funnier.

[onthewaytojudaism]

That is how it is described in the book too but Karate chopping is definitely more interesting.

[keshetchai]

the karate chop is the original version in the Talmud, Niddah 30b:

As soon as it [the baby] sees the light an angel approaches, slaps it on its mouth and causes it to forget all the Torah completely,67  as it is said, Sin coucheth at the door.72  

every translation i’ve found says the angel slaps or strikes the mouth. it’s a karate chop. plain and simple. THWACK. 

[j0rrated]

i have NPC energy cause most of my replies consist on

ok

NICE

hell ye!

no…….

yes?

sdfghjhghjkjDFGHJKGHJJDFGSS

thank you so much!

fuck!

[j0rrated]

more reasons im a NPC:

if i stand still for too long i start doing idle animations 

will only talk to people if they start conversation first 

my walking speed is too fast to be walking and too slow to be running

if you talk to me too many times i start repeating dialogue

if you do a small favor for me i will follow you around without questions

i will drop a lot exposition if you ask

sometimes i get stuck on doors

you may stand in a straight line from me holding a corpse but its more than 10 meters so i will not notice

low HP

[english-prof]

When I make a pop culture reference “from my time” and my students just stare blankly at me like the fucking dinosaur I am

[wincherella]

Totally me.

[girlwithalessonplan]

Every time a student says “what are we doing” and I respond, “the same thing we do every night, Pinky.”

[bluntforcefly-deactivated201810]

What is that from

[girlwithalessonplan]

[fxandchill]

Sometimes I tell students to get their heads in the game because we’re all in this together and they’re just like “?????”

[cerealmonster15]

IGNORE AT UR OWN RISK………… this is the only April fools that matters

[someweirdjew]

I LOVE THIS

[ten-shika]

Literally the entire collab video for KOP side was them being all leik “who da heck r u guys??”

So i’d leik to imagine they’d probably misheard too and not take this seriously 😂

Alexander is too high on his horse to care, Taiga only hears what Kazuki tells him and Kakeru can only hear the sound on money pfffft happy April fools i guess XD japan’s april fools makes me happy

[penumbraphantasm]

hourly comic i posted on twitter

[happifying-things]

Nobody move…

[guiltyidealist]

[blackqueerblog]

Legends supporting legends

[blueelectricangels]

if you read in a frog paper “specimen was released in the field immediately after capture” chances are very good that what it actually means is

“i dropped the damn frog and despite the fact that we fell all over each other no one could recapture it”

[blueelectricangels]

sometimes when i am sad i go read through the tags on this post, because they are 70% other biologists saying things like “AND ALSO FUCK FIELD MICE” and “THAT CRAB ALMOST BROKE MY FINGER” and I am reassured that I am not the only one who has bobbled a wood frog right into their cleavage.

plus six or seven people who just….can’t figure out what a frog paper could possibly be. (guys it’s…a scientific paper. about frogs.)

and this one

which made me laugh despairingly because i mean

bro you don’t even know.

[jumpingjacktrash]

what is the code entomologists use for “i stepped on it, i’m so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small”

[coolmanfromthepast]

“Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions.”

[jumpingjacktrash]

‘impromptu dissection’ is an alarming phrase in any context and i thank you for it

[inky-petrel]

What’s biologist for “the little fucker BIT me and I yote it into the undergrowth on reflex”?

[tawghasa]

“Specimen was removed from the study pool due to abnormal interaction responses”

[vilkalizer]

I am reblogging this 98% for the second to last comment holy shit I’m fucking choking

[elfwreck]

I’m enjoying the tags/replies discussing the proper conjugation of “to yeet.” I am in favor of the decision that the future perfect is “will have yitten.”

[woefully-undercaffeinated]

Expanding this, NASA has a few gems from their report language:

“Underwent unplanned rapid disassembly” – it exploded, and it wasn’t an explosion we wanted to happen

“Lithobraking maneuver” – it stopped because it hit the goddamned ground.

“Engine-rich exhaust” – the engine bell melted or evaporated, or the engine ejected itself out the back of the rocket without having a very good reason to do so.

“Fishing orbit” – the craft is in the ocean instead of space and we didn’t mean to put it there

“Thrust was observed along an undesired vector” – the engine leaked and the rocket spun off into oblivion.

“Wearing his manager hat” – a moron who shouldn’t be an engineer (a reference to the infamous quote “take off your engineer hat and put on your manager hat” in the meeting in which the Challenger was cleared for launch)

“Received an unrequested transfer” – he’s dead.

[kittydesade]

LITHOBRAKING MANEUVER