Kal

Non Binary | Queer | Writer | Poet | Biblophile | Alone

[kal-the-non-binary]

Valentine’s Day suck because I’m Single, there, I said it!

Last night I had a romantic dream that straight up made me cry in the morning. I was feeling upset and I thought it may be for tummy…

I can’t pretend anymore

[kal-the-non-binary]

How I dealt with ‘Cancel Culture’ when my Favorite celebrity was CANCELLED

Ellen Degeneres was one of the top celebrities in 2020 who got cancelled. The toxic work environment on her set had took a hold all over her career of three decades. While I’m not going to go in de…

What to do when the person you loved is exposed? Can we separate art from artist? Find Out-

[kal-the-non-binary]

If I had a nickel for every time a man has overtook my vehicle after I overtook theirs and they saw it was a “girl” who drove faster than them and they have to overtake me, I’d be able to fill up  my gas tank to full

[lazybug16]

JONATHAN👏VAN👏NESS👏I👏LOVE👏YOU👏SO👏MUCH

[kal-the-non-binary]

I can’t keep  you so close to my heart

It’s been a while since I looked people in the eye and had a conversation

Does not help that I’m being hostile on purpose

These people.. they are too different for me, even though they think I’m the odd one

Can’t exactly recall how our friendship emerged into permanence but we have known each other since school

We all found our ways to live, at least you did

My journey is different than yours

You think my lifestyle is my “way”

But the truth is I’m gay

I did not choose the path, the path chose me

In the yearning of accepting myself and being true to my emotions, identity, and feelings I found the real me!

We meet at the usual spot, in the usual park

Our faces look the same yet we are so different

You all find it easy to talk about the “heart-warming” school days

But the truth is I hated it

For they were the reason I kept that bad haircut for 10 years and that they hated gays

None of you could even begin to think I was going through a battle all these years

Though you spread your arms around me when I said “I am Queer!”

Some of your jaws dropped while some of you asked me the most inappropriate questions

I regret not listening to the gay friend who asked me to hold my horses for I can’t identify what’s fake and what’s real

I do not hate you all, I love you with all my heart

But I can’t keep you so close to my heart where you can cut deep by your ignorance and simply asking me “why are you queer?”

I love that you try and someday you will make a great ally for a friend, your neighbor, or your kid

I have hard luck because that person won’t be me.

[kal-the-non-binary]

It’s been a while since I looked people in the eye and had a conversation

When old friends can not always be your Ally 

[kal-the-non-binary]

Am I a bad feminist?

A couple of days ago, I had posted a hyper-feminist rant on this blog. While I do not like the tone of my rage in my writing I had let out my frustration that stemmed from seeing some strong Muslim women being "auctioned off" on the internet. The idea of shaming women just because they are vocal and don't agree to cave to patriarchy was not bearable to a certain group of men or group of people, we don't know. But the thing is I took down the post because it was causing me agony to use hate to vent my frustration. I cannot. As much as I hated that it happened I could not keep that post up.

This made me question was I a bad feminist? This question pops in my head all the time. However, when I looked up for the definition of feminism which states, "the advocacy of women's rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes," I learnt I wasn't half bad of a feminist. I do believe in equal rights, I'm ardent supporter of women's and LGBTQIA+ rights, and to top it all up, I myself work in a competitive industry where I strive have equal opportunities regardless of my gender.

I do understand that the internet shows feminist as someone who is loud and is a men hater and entitled and I feel really sorry for people who believe that. One becomes a feminist simply by believing women deserves equal opportunities, based on their caliber and merit, just as men or in modern definition regardless of your gender. Sure I'm too delicate to fight for the rights, to stand in an auditorium and give a speech or write a book on feminist history, but I'm happy to realize who I am, in fact I have never felt more prouder to be a feminist.

Also, to the Muslim women who were part of this horrendous act, my heart goes out to you. In fact, I appreciate how strong you all are and how you went out of the box to pursue endeavors that weren't conventional. You are making a history by simply being you. More strength and love to you.

-FUTURE AMNESIA-

[shegos]

This right here, this is better than any poem. DICKINSON (2019-2021)

[shegos]

This right here, this is better than any poem. DICKINSON (2019-2021)

[kal-the-non-binary]

Trauma is an injury, not an “event”

Trauma is a psychological injury that needs to be healed like you would heal a broken leg. Imagine if someone broke their leg bone and it pierces their flesh with the blood coming out, and someone telling the person to "walk it off". That is exactly what we do when we ask a person to "forget it" when they open up about their trauma.

[kal-the-non-binary]

It’s not easy being green

It’s not easy being green

It is not easy being real

It’s not easy being me

It’s not easy to see within

It’s not easy to lock eyes

It is not easy to eat right

It’s not easy to stand up straight without the spine

It’s not easy to be amazed

It is hard to love the world when I don’t love myself

No one said self-care does not come as natural as it may seem

My appearances are not aging, my perspective is

My eye-sight is not fading, my sense of humor is

My ankles are burnt from walking 10,000 steps a day

Not once did I look into mirror and said, ‘‘You’re doing okay’’

[kal-the-non-binary]

The dream

I'm from rural area, I didn't exactly have a conventional childhood, I did not even have conventional dreams Like the girls my age in city may have dreamt of having to ‘do it’ with charming boyfriend and I dreamt of walking on escalator, like those stairs you don't have to walk on, it automatically takes you on the other floor, FASCINATING.

Al thought much like city girls’ dream when it finally happened the "first time" it wasn't as I expected. I was scared, when it happened, you know going from bottom to top and then again coming from top to bottom. It was scary to do it again a couple of times, but then, I got used to it.

[kal-the-non-binary]

Why do Americans have to make sexual jokes to prove a point, this book is literally about handling money and the person speaking in the speech too. Not only do they insult people but also normalize public harassment behavior, for the sake of giving "example" or wanted to steam your pants to while you were bored?

Your money or your life, this was the revised version you say?

[wlwsource]

Abby and Riley HAPPIEST SEASON (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

[kal-the-non-binary]

Abby is heartbroken, Riley is tipsi, why does it turn me on?

[kal-the-non-binary]

Is Homophobia “Hate” or “Cowardice”

I’m staying in my conservative hometown since pandemic. Being queer it is hard to find people with whom I would connect and could talk freely about it. Thankfully I had come out to my friends here during my birthday visit in 2019, and their reaction and acceptance has meant the world to me. Even though I have a community in the city I lived in, getting such acceptance from my childhood friends was something else. And since I didn’t come here often at the time, at least I knew for sure their reaction was genuine and not something they had to do because they were obligated to.

While I’m grateful for their support, the pandemic had shown me a ‘limit’ to their support. At first it was during the Pride month when literally none of them and anyone from my hometown I know had posted about it on social media. There were very few wishes just for me in the inbox, which was sweet but something about it felt off.

Now and then when we meet, they tend to ask me questions about the lesbians, gays, and my best friend apparently cracked a “threesome” joke about bisexuals. I could explain them all I want but I started to feel like a tutor than a friend. Obviously none of them cared to make an easy google search with the fear of search engine thinking that they were gay!

I happen to indirectly call that out on my social media handles but sure they think they are an exception since they did the “favor” of accepting me as gay.

“Oh you are gay! My best friend is gay.” — I became that friend for them

Recently, for the first time a mainstream Bollywood film featured a trans character and the film revolved around a cishet(Cisgender, Heterosexual) man with toxic masculinity falling in love with the Trans-woman. Sure, I hated the Transphobic bits in the trailer but I decided to reserve my judgement until I saw the movie.

I texted in a group if anyone was interested in coming to watch the movie with me. I have seen these people watch an absurd misogynistic movie and brag about their “open-mindedness” for the sexual jokes which are mostly about objectifying a women’s bodies. But when it comes to a movie that features a trans character, there is a radio-silence from them.

I jump to the conclusions very easily and that’s not a healthy habit, I know, but when it comes to homophobia and something to that area, more than often I have not been proven wrong. I finally saw the pattern of how their support existed for me as a queer person only in my inbox and while meeting me in person. They were afraid to come for movie like this, that educates about trans people, because they are afraid people will think they are “one of those people” and more like, “one of me”.

I don’t speak for my people(LGBTQIA+ community) but I do know it is hurtful to see your closed ones turning against you. But guess what? Taking the load of their cowardice, is none of ours responsibility. I don’t know if homophobic people hate the community but I know for sure I don’t hate them. I pity them, because they will never be able to live outside the CISHET script (study, job, marriage, kids, retirement, death). They will never be able to open arms for people different than them much less raise them and they will keep on believing their way of living is so-called “normal”. Good luck with that.

[kal-the-non-binary]

I’m staying in my conservative hometown since pandemic. Being queer it is hard to find people with whom I would connect and could talk…

What I learnt when my friends refused to watch Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui with me

[kal-the-non-binary]

Does anyone knows a mainstream comedy series which has lesbian side/main characters? Like there mitch and cam in modern family or david and patrick in schitts creek. I cant think of anything other than FRIENDS which had carol and Susan for like 6 episodes.