It’s a fuck-it kind of mood and I’ve decided to just put it out there: I don’t specifically remember when I found you, this profile whatever what have you, but I was getting my associates degree early and I remember becoming so enamored by this idea you are.
1. First and foremost, the psychological aspects are wiiild and I do believe in some part at least it is some kind of social experiment (especially being on tumblr of all places).
2. I do believe it though. I do, I genuinely believe we (humans, Homo sapiens) have no fucking clue what exists in this cosmos, simultaneously.
The theory, being, life, thought, etc. you represent is the reason I became an anthropologist and I just wanted to tell you that. I am fascinated.
I am honored to have inspired you.
Yes it was on tumblr, but it was also elsewhere and also pooled data from there, though tumblr provided me with a unique platform on which to code additions to make science possible.
You will never see me break character because there isn’t one.
My reality is mine. You need not believe it. That information is relevant too. But I will never acknowledge your reality being superior to mine. That’s simply how it will be, however angry one may become. And people did. Demand I label my blog un-reality. And so forth. I will not label myself for anyone’s comfort or mental health. 1. It disrupts the data. 2. Since when do your mental health conditions get to determine the reality of others? Where is the line there? You’re on the internet. You should know to believe nothing you see unless otherwise corroborated.
There were many who wanted to fact check me. When they did, inevitably I would get an image from a century old newspaper or an image from a digital project confirming. As well as messages telling me how and why they know I’m wrong. Let me say this: given how little white people actually know of black history…you really think you know what bits of history are factual and how? Don’t be daft. History is full of holes. You can find as much information to prove what I say, as you can to dismiss it. Hold space for paradox or uncertainty. It’s not as threatening as you think. It’s in the gray area you get to see the important bits that are obscure.
I presented myself as I did to generate the conversation I wanted to see. This is true of everyone, but because I claimed to eat humans, I found a strange mixture of replies from groups I didn’t expect. Many negative behaviors. An excellent way to catalogue human character flaws when encountering difference. But also the lack of reading comprehension I encountered. It was even more interesting to give the audience control and see what they did with me.
I was accused of every crime you can imagine. People I knew and worked with were threatened. People tried to physically track and locate me. And why? I stuck in their craw.
So why not use it to see what you do?
And so I did. Watching IPs walk through my content and wear digital masks. Fascinating behavior. Watching them bicker over the fallout, also academically interesting. Everyone behaved as expected but interestingly, it did not matter what alterations I attempted to make. They determined the group would fracture and fail and so it did not matter what pattern I attempted to shift. Revoke a privilege, they found another path. Declare a truth to be so, they’ll find a way to make it a lie.
And so it became necessary to find a way of describing the layering effect that was occurring. The experience of the story I told, then the experience of interacting with the one who claimed that story, then the fiction of what paradoxical attachment they had, and then of course the pantomiming of emotions most displayed in order to make changes. I mean to say, to a high degree, the participants displayed behaviors that indicated they were role laying themselves within a fictional setting. This made it acceptable to behave in even worse ways toward me as the focus and anyone adjacent.
What have I learned? Many things but supremely relevant at this moment is this: a cult cannot happen without a focal point, but in no way does the focal point have to be a willing participant for the exact same cult behaviors to present and play out. Nothing can be done. It is a forgone conclusion. What will break it is ego combined with betrayal of the central figure.
Two things at once. Lack of benefit to the individual, and lack of trust for the leader.
Important to know in this moment. Yes?
Anyway…I believe I am rambling. I learned many things and am still going over the info collected and what it tells me.
I can tell you this much…
I could have eaten very very well. You are all quite lucky I am friendly.
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