A dreamer

A language nerd | An ESFJ | An explorer | between Indonesia & UAE

[karinaputri56]

I don't chase, I attract

I let things go, and let them be

I let my feminine energy dominate

KP

[karinaputri56]

I treat myself like a penthouse then I don't wanna be a basement.

I don't wanna be the wind passing through and leave, I wanna be daylight that lights up your day.

I'm not footnote, I'm the entire book u don't skip.

I'm not backburner, I'm an essential ingredient in dishes u're cooking.

I'm not only the title u put in your book, I'm words in every chapter.

I don't wanna get slipped away like fire, I wanna be water, flows down through your life.

I'm the best definition of guardian angel.

- a thought of an explorer

02/05/24

[karinaputri56]

One day I'm driving my own car and I don't need to see the price tag when I wanna buy anything. Money is coming my way, and I'm welcoming it as well.

[karinaputri56]

When a place is too muddy, u always have a choice. U either run away from it or u deal with it. The problem is muddy place won't let u move forward.

Fingers crossed.

[karinaputri56]

Dear MP

My pain of loss is more than I can show u even if u’re still alive. I remember when I was kid, I silently opened the fridge to take out frozen tea u made for selling. Your strong bone was as unbroken as your heart. I sneaked out to your room to lay down in your bed to play with big curtain that covered it. I was always innocent to ask u about your life, I never did. All I know is I came to Jakarta several times everytime I had school holiday. U liked cooking, I ate the dish u made ; chicken brain, 3 times in 1 day. U gimme money before I came to Bandung.

The same house, smell, & your fresh face. U gave birth to 7 kids, can’t imagine that however it showed how strong u were. U did love to talk, u never forgot to do something for me as your grandchild. We barely talked, still I had small happiness in my heart. This past 3 years, I came to Jakarta 2 times to see u while I attended conference, taking care my documents, & so on. When I was Kuwait we did video call, how content I was to see that smile. U’re unable to walk since 2 or 3 years ago.

I haven’t done a lotta things for u, I only could send u an ordinary dress. I hope u liked it. I had reason why suddenly I wanted to do this, I cound’t stop thinking about u, regretted things I shouldn’t do. I only can amuse my self by saying “at least I had seen u couple times before u left me forever”.

While writing this, I had hard time to stop my tears flowing down my face. I miss u, REST IN PEACE.

[karinaputri56]

I miss you Mbah Putri, my beloved grandma. U're forever loved, u taught me to be tough woman, u gave me love I needed when I was kid, I remember I took iced tea from the fridge. I never had a chance to say I love u Mbah Putri. Million thanks for your endless love for me ❤️❤️❤️. Your grandkid, Karina Putri.

[karinaputri56]

Forested spot, countless steps, keep on walking, sweats drop like river, limited water, remoted area. Tell me what's more peaceful than connect with nature? breath pure air without getting interrupted by pollution.

I'm longing for these stuffs when I was the part of universe. Where my soul turned into nature. When I felt nothing but coldness in the midst of forest. I got lost & I enjoyed it. I was head over heels with it. Sound of flowing water, & the wind.

Forest smell crept into my nose inevitably. Wish I could stay any longer. Silence speaks louder than words. It turned me on, it boosts my energy. I was healed gradually.

Thousands poems wouldn't describe how big my passion is to spill out how I feel. Was over the moon, & forced myself to fall from it.

I did reliaze, how blissful I was...

[karinaputri56]

Things don't always go as expected but u're gonna be fine. U still have rainbow after the rain.

Universe doesn't always let u get what u want, but u get exchange for better things.

U're beyond blessed...

[karinaputri56]

his love warmed up my soul

washed away my tears

cooled me down when I was on fire

his imperfection had completed me perfectly

he's slightest clue I saw before I dozed off

he's my full stop when I had countless blurred question marks

he's more than just my sight to my unclear vision

-KP

[karinaputri56]

Who's gonna tell me the truth

When you blew in with the winds of fate

And told me I reformed you

When your impressionist paintings of heaven turned out to be fakes,

Well, you took me to hell too

And all at once the ink bleeds

A conman sells a fool a get-love-quick scheme

But I felt a hole like this never before and ever since

[karinaputri56]

I'm ash, washed away by time & never come back. I either stay wholeheartedly or leave. There's nothing holding me back

K

[karinaputri56]

Dear my future children

No matter what condition u deal with, be generous towards others.

Be wealthy, who says money can turn u to be evil. U can do countless good deeds by money. Nonetheless, be conscious there things money can’t buy.

Have a small business, be independent, & be a dedicating individual.

I hope u always have courage to speak up included the truth even when your voice is shaking.

Despite of your imperfection, please don’t stop being a kind & right one.

Don’t forget to brush your teeth 2 times per day, clean them with dental floss, & go to dentist once in a month.

Don’t be parasite, never ever ask money from anyone unless they’re the ones who give it to u.

Don’t easily think negatively, it leaves burden in your heart, & mind.

Be mindful, be determined, & be to the point.

-Your future mom

[karinaputri56]

Dear MK

I wish u’re standing in front of me right now so I can ask u tons of questions about things I never knew since I was kid. I was clueless of what’s going on. My innocent mind brought me nowhere. It saddenes me whenever I remember I wasn’t there for u the last time. I will never forget u, u’re ultimately part of my childhood, & it will not change. My prayer is with u, I’ve missed u. :’(

[karinaputri56]

Semua manusia punya sisi cacat yg terlihat maupun yg tersembunyi. Sekarang tinggal pilihan kamu untuk membuka semua cacat itu atau menyembunyikannya beberapa

KP

[karinaputri56]

Apa yg menarik bagiku tentang hidup adalah kejutan yg tiba-tiba datang di saat aku sudah muak berusaha

KP

[karinaputri56]

I was scrolling instagram feed & found this brutally honest wise words that got me pondering : the measurement of intellgence is a change. Damn, I’m not teenager anymore & obviously an adult, yet still figuring out “what the hell is going here?”. Pushing my self as its finest to dig deeper taking out the root of troubles. Imagine being a confident individual who’s assured enough of heading to new horizon, at the same time dealing with irrational fear & insecurity.

I had interview last night, & only had 20 minutes of preparation. One of shittiest moment I shouldn’t go through as I knew my limit, capacity & capabilty. I’d like to set up everything before I do any activities especially when it relates to my future. I was rushed, had no exact thing to bring up. I was asked a couple of simple questions then got me dumbfounded by my own diction during interview. 

No excuses allowed. My days have been freaking tedious, I gradually detest it.

After a couple of months, I had found several agencies to work abroad. 3 years ago I stepped on middle east without agency. It’s pretty satisfying to solve my own problems by my self. Even some got shocked as I didn’t let them know I would stay for 2 years there. Sorry, my auto focus was turned on. Ain’t got no time to share.

Now, things are too clueless. When will I fly away again? What got me content was I got vaccinated already nevertheless it’s not the end. Next step, gotta renew my passport. Bad news are registering through online can be disappointing. A mass of people are signing in, at the same time.

[karinaputri56]

I have no idea how to be totally good person. Nevertheless, knowing where u stand & mind your own business are gonna make them happier

KP

[karinaputri56]

Still wondering when I’m qualified enough to receive a message which I get accepted to work abroad. It’s more than just living alone far away from home, being independent, or looking cool if one day I tell people about my experience. All of struggle I have complained, tears I sheded were signs how my survival was real. Now after knowing things are about to get normal after pandemic, it’s not easy peasy to work abroad again. I have kept it touch with some people from several agencies. Some responded my text, some only deem it as the wind. Sometimes, I can’t put up with it. Do they know? if they’re able to give excellent service, I possibly suggest my friends to use their service. Unfortunately, it’s just dreadful....