When we met,
You teased me for Mulan being my favorite.
For being independent
You said you liked it.
When we started talking,
You said we were amazingly comfortable.
You were so kind.
My friends said to be careful.
When we started dating,
It was February 3rd.
You said we were dating to get married.
I said okay, but after college.
When we first fought,
I had gone dancing without you.
You were waiting for me.
You yelled at me about trust.
When I ignored the first red flag,
I wasn’t to talk to her again since she “made me” go dancing.
You began to cut my ties
My friends told me to leave
When you told my parents,
You told them I had lied.
You told them it was my fault you weren’t happy
They told me to be careful.
When we reached one year,
I gave my first blowjob
You were cold.
I was confused.
When I ignored the second red flag,
I had to spend every weekend with your family.
You would talk shit about my family.
I would only go to church with you
When we first had sex,
It was my first time.
You told me we couldn’t do it again.
You told me it was “Unchristianly”
When we’d make out,
You told me I couldn’t stop.
You told me I had to finish what I started.
Yet you told me we were being “Unchristianly”
When I moved to college.
I had no friends.
We talked nightly
You were happy, I was depressed.
When you first showed up.
I had made friends.
You didn’t know them.
You showed up at a party.
When I started to notice.
I had friends now
You would drive up on your weekends without telling me.
You would call or text when you knew I was with friends.
When I knew.
You told me we weren’t best friends anymore.
You told me sometimes no didn’t mean no.
You said you couldn’t wait.
When the end started.
You told me I was sleeping around,
I compromised,
You called me a liar.
When the end happened.
You called me a slut,
You called me a waste of time,
I died.
When I was “coping”.
I planned on killing myself
I started to cut again
You had destroyed me.
When I realized you still had a hold.
You told my brother I broke your heart
You unblocked me when you knew it would hurt.
You were engaged three months later on what would have been our three year anniversary.
When I realized I still had so much work to do.
My therapist told me you did it on purpose.
I couldn’t call you my rapist.
Your words are still laced into my thoughts
When I realized I’m doing better than I ever would’ve been.
I’m going to therapy and fixing my shit.
I’m going to get my masters and become a licensed social worker
I’m not married to an abusive, racist, manipulative jack wagon.
blakekathryn
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