MARK ZUCKERBERG

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@kateorangesky11
MARK ZUCKERBERG
wait, do people know about aziraphale and crowleyās new yearās resolutions
at some point neil gaiman and terry pratchett wrote these up and theyāre veryĀ good
Crowley:
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby cafƩ is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #2: The same applies to rearranging the letters on wayside pulpits.
Resolution #3: Try to come up with something as good as cell phone ringtones, following one last stab at convincing Downstairs that cell phone ringtones are right up there in the whole Human Misery stakes. And iPods. Has anybody Down There even said thank you for iPods? Or āGoogling yourself?ā Frankly, I deserve some kind of award for āGoogling yourself.ā
Resolution #4: I must encourage greedy people to use the term, āLow-hanging fruit,ā because thatās just like old times.
Resolution #5: This year, I will get a desk near the window.
Resolution #6: I will try to understand why Hell is a no-smoking area. I just think itās ridiculous having to stand around outside the gates, thatās all.
Resolution #7: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design, because it upsets everyone.
Resolution #8: Stop Googling myself.
Aziraphale:
Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Resolution #2: I will be charitable to people who use the term ācore values,ā however difficult this may be.
Resolution #3: Notwithstanding Resolution #2 (above), I will redouble my efforts to have the utterance of the phrase ācore valuesā classified as a deadly sin. I believe Himself is with me on this one.
Resolution #4: I will try to be nicer to the customers. They want to buy books; I want to sell them. It canāt be that hard. (Memo to self: Regular opening hours? Mark prices on books?)
Resolution #5: I will try to be polite to Gabriel, no matter what the provocation.
Resolution #6: Find out exactly what an āInternetā is.
Resolution #7: Really must resume dancing lessons. Learn the āGalloping Major,ā the āGay Gordons,ā the āMashed Potatoes.ā Possibly even the āTwistā?
Resolution #8: Thwart Infernal Wiles (ongoing).
Resolution #9: I will try to understand why Heaven is a non-smoking area.
Resolution #10: On the orders of Head Office I will encourage the belief in Intelligent Design ā despite the fact that the human airway crosses the digestive tract. Who thought that was intelligent?
Resolution #11: Feed the ducks.
the original link seems to have died somewhere along the way, but hooray for the wayback machine
concept: crowleyĀ with a roomba
i canāt decide if heād bully it like his plants if it wasnāt vacuuming quickly enough, or alternatively, heād TRY to bully it but then it beeps at him and he canāt bring himself to and it just becomes his Pet Roomba That He Loves But Wonāt Admit That He Loves Because He Is A Demon And It Is A Robot
#the roomba bullies himĀ (via ratkingbrady)
yes. he tries to get rid of it but he canāt bring himself to so now the roombaĀ is just terrorizing him in his own home. but at least his floors are clean
he canāt walk around without the roomba sniping his ankles
the roomba likes aziraphale, it just purrs when heās around. crowley only gets sniped when noone else is around to witness it.
Aziraphale LOVES the roomba. He thinks itās cute, he wants to get one for the shop, but heās worrried it would knock piles of books over or something. He āfeedsā it crumbs and tells it itās a āgood roombaā.
Crowley just glares at it through all of this, knowing he wonāt be believed if he complains about how much its victimising him and watches it acting all innocent.
Aziraphale leaves, Crowley gets up and feels a pain in his ankle. āYou are not a good roomba.ā he growls.
Iām pretty sure thereās something in the book about machinery they use working according to their belief (like how Crowleyās sound system doesnāt have any speakers but works anyway because he doesnāt know you need speakers)
So really thereās two possibilities here:
(Humorous) Crowley believes the roomba is out to get him (possibly because it unknowingly bumps into his feet a few times the first night), and so, therefore, it is. Aziraphale believes the roomba is very cute and reminiscent of a small, loving pet, and so, around him, it is.
(Angst) Itās Crowleyās roomba, which makes it attuned to his thoughts and perceptions of the world, and so it treats people differently according to how much Crowley likes them.
he canāt resist
Too fast for demon, angel
It's OVER!
Aziraphale: Weāre not friends. I donāt even like you. Itās over.
Crowley: Fine. Iām leaving. Goodbye forever!
(literally the next day)
Crowley: Iām sorry! I didnāt mean it! I miss you so much! Come with me, letās run away together!
Aziraphale: I forgive you! But I canāt come with you.
Crowley: Fine, Iām leaving and Iām never even going to THINK about you again!
(literally that same afternoon)
Crowley: Heās not answering his phone. He needs me! Wait - fire - heās dead! I canāt smell him! Dead forever and ever! Thereās no point in going on. Iām going to drink whiskey until the world ends and I DIE.
Aziraphale: You alright there mate?
Crowley: ;_; m y l o v e ;_; where are you i will come to you no matter where you are i would destroy galaxies to protect you
Aziraphale: I need a body. Too bad I canāt use yours.
Crowley: NGK
Aziraphale: Just get to Tadfield air base.
Crowley: I would and will drive through a literal wall of fire to be with you. Anything is possible when weāre together.
(literally like an hour later)
Crowley: Thatās it, itās over, end of the world, weāre all going to die, goodbye reality, goodbye everything, this is the END of ALL THINGS it is LITERALLY SATAN here to kill us
Aziraphale: Fix it or Iāll never talk to you again.
Crowley: * M * I * R * A * C * L * E *
I like how none of this is really even exaggerated. This is just Good Omens summarized.Ā
Kids, Crowleyās only weakness
I heard that Crowley helped to make Alpha Centauri and I like Crowley use spray..
One rejects them, one collects them.
I woke up in cold sweat at 3am and had to immediately draw this, good night.Ā
anthony janthony crowley + text posts
āhow to break your own heartā - Natalie Wee
aziraphale waking crowley up in the mornings by curling around him and pressing soft kisses to the back of his neck; crowley grumbling in protest even as he presses himself further into aziraphaleās hold. time to wake up, dear boy,Ā aziraphale tells him, between kisses, nuzzling into his hair a little.Ā
crowley stretches, groans, and collapses back into aziraphaleās arms. donāt wanna.Ā
yes, you do,Ā aziraphale says, and thereās such fondness in him, such unbearable affection, that crowley has to turn in his hold and bury his face into aziraphaleās chest. you want to get up and come to breakfast with me, i think. iāll take you somewhere with runny eggs, just like you like.Ā
sāwarm here,Ā crowley answers, but thatās not a no. food is aziraphaleās passion, of course, but crowley can be tempted ā oysters in rome, crepes in paris, angel food cake at the ritz ā particularly when itās coming from aziraphale. youāre cosy.
aziraphale smiles against crowleyās temple, pulling him a little closer and rubbing a hand up and down his back. he canāt resist crowley like this, with his defenses down, his limbs loose and heavy with sleep, his face soft and unlined as though a cocoon of blankets and a soft awakening melted away the last six thousand years, the fear and the hiding, the questions and the fall.Ā
maybe it did, a little.Ā
stay here with me,Ā crowley mumbles into aziraphaleās chest, threading his own temptation into it ā aziraphale can hear it in his voice, can feel it in the way it tugs, like a hand curling into the dark spaces underneath his ribs. just for a little while. eggs afterwards.
all right, aziraphale agrees, kissing crowleyās forehead, his temple, coaxing crowleyās face upwards ā he follows those kisses like a sunflower turning toward the light. a kiss to crowleyās eyelids, terribly gentle against their flutter; a kiss to his cheekbones, his jaw, the bridge of his nose. just for a little while. eggs afterwards.Ā
when his kisses find crowleyās mouth, crowley sighs, and presses into him, and kisses him back, and it feels like that hand curled under his chest releasing just long enough to find aziraphaleās hand in return, like fingers slotting together, like palms pressed to palms, like the flicker of a pulse in wrists held to wrists. it feels like crowley, giving in; it feels like crowley, taking of. like balance; like finding equilibrium. the eye of the storm. the crest of the sun.
it feels like home.Ā Ā
šš»ā¤šš»ā¤
letās think about this again
Thank you for informing me of its existence.
aziraphale is much more dangerous in the sense that heās much more unpredictable. crowley likes to be annoying, drive fast, and lounge around angstily. his motivation is 100% aziraphale driven. thatās his weak spot. aziraphale is the deciding factor today tomorrow always. aziraphale on the other hand? that fucker is a WILD card. one minute heās loyal af to heaven for 6000 yrs, tottering away in his bookstore with his little bow tie and little glasses and doing minor miracles, and then the next heās crashing some seance & possessing a womanās body. heās flying a scooter to the apocalypse. hes got a GUN. heās about to shoot a kid. by god aziraphale what are you doing i thought you were discorporated. holy hell hes gone absolute mad. thereās an earth loving rogue angel loose at armageddon and no one knows what heās going to do next, least of all the angel !!!!
this is why aziraphale doesnāt leave the bookshop too often y'all. heās gotta get that routine down, drink some cocoa and read a book, live the quiet life, or heāll go absolutely rogue. your man fought a war once and he will do it again. not saying heās out for blood, but he aināt playing
iām the nice one, aziraphale says
crowley: ????? whatever gets you through the day, you mad bastard
Aziraphale, like all the angels, has a very clear idea of how things are Supposed To Be.
Spending time on Earth has confronted him with the idea that not everything is black and whiteā Heaven can do things that he disagrees with, Hell (or at least Crowley specifically) is capable of goodā but he tends to work around this by completely ignoring the cognitive dissonance this creates. āGet thee behind me, foul fiend! After you.ā
Itās why he keeps referring to the āineffableā plan. If itās ineffable then it cannot be known and so he doesnāt need to think too much about what it might have to say about being friends with a demon.
The apocalypse, however? Being attacked by angels? Finding out that God has no interest in stopping the war and saving humanity? This Aziraphale canāt ignore.
And so, of course, he goes fucking wild.
The Rules have been brokenā there are no rules! Life is entirely meaningless. Possess a human, shoot a child, swap bodies with a demon (free reminder that they both thought that this had a high chance of exploding them), splash holy water around, ask the Archangel Michael for a towel and the hosts of Hell for rubber duck!
Crowley has suspected all along that the rules theyāve been taught arenāt much worth following and so has spent the past 6,000 years developing his own moral code. Heās pretty much independently decided that heās not down for killing kids, or anyone unless completely necessary. From the moment he finds out about Armageddon he knows he wants to stop it, not just because of his Bentley and the nice restaurants and stuff, but because of humans and whales and gorillas and because itās the right thing to do.
Aziraphale meanwhile? He has the entire basis for his existence ripped away in under 24 hours.
Thereās a reason why heās the one who ultimately ends up preventing the apocalypse, by pointing out that the divine plan and the ineffable plan might not be the same thingā if everything heās ever believed turned out to be wrong then why shouldnāt it be the same for everyone else? Maybe everythingās wrong?
You watched Aziraphaleās entire mental framework for how the universe worked dashed away in a matter of minutes, and were surprised that he started acting unpredictably.
I suppose I should get him to drop me off at the bookshop. It burned down.. remember?
You can see the SECOND Aziraphale realizes heās right, and they can do this.
#okay here we go i just need to get this out thereĀ #formulate my thesis if u willĀ #crowley is so muchĀ #justĀ #he deserves the world iām.Ā #look hereās this demƶn who keeps repeatedly handing over his lil heartĀ #to reference my own tagĀ #on a trashcan lidĀ #just oh so gently stretching it out over and over again through the centuriesĀ #in moreĀ #run away with meĀ #or lessĀ #iāll give you a liftĀ #grandiose waysĀ #and eVERY TIMEĀ #his poor nervous angel freaks out and accidentally smacks him in the face w said trashcan lidĀ #so he scrapes it up n tries againĀ #sometimes in a few decades sometimes hours laterĀ #the devotionĀ #godĀ #the braveryĀ #crowley is the bravest lil trashcan pizza serverĀ #good omensĀ (via @bourboninthefireplace)
And also, Crowley is just always, so consistently, heartrendingly gentle with Aziraphale.Ā He never pushes.Ā Ā
In fact itās not until he knows theyāve lost, that the apocalypse is coming, and there is nothing they can do to stop it, that he even suggests that they run away together, and then, even though Aziraphale breaks his heart in that moment, by pushing him away, and ending everything between them, the minute he finds out that Hell is onto him and is coming for him, he goes back to Aziraphale, and apologises, and offers him yet another chance for them to be together.Ā Ā
Crowley loves him so much, and is so frustrated by his misplaced loyalty to a Heaven that is by no means going to be loyal to him, but he gives Aziraphale the space to discover that for himself.
And even here, even now, after everything, with Aziraphale falling back on his old fears and excuses, Crowley just gently reminds him of the truth, and then waits.
Crowley is remarkable in the way he loves Aziraphale so selflessly, so patiently, so tenderly.
Because the very first thing he ever watched Aziraphale do was shelter and protect the first humans, the first Fallen of Earth.
Because when he felt miserable and tired in Rome, after floods and crucifixions and Caligula, Aziraphale approached him with a smile and invited him to enjoy something wonderful humans had made.
Because Crowley knows what itās like to lose everything, and not lose it by choice, but never ever have the chance to get it back. He knows how absolutely terrifying it is to not have a choice. He is never going to force that choice. Not even at the end of the world.Ā
Over the years, he could give Aziraphale up (but of course he wonāt). He could give up on Aziraphale and decide heās not worthy of love - but of course, he is.
As far as Crowleyās concerned, heād wait forever to be for Aziraphale what Aziraphale was for humans, was for him, when the angel hadnāt even been trying.Ā
Ā I wonder if some of the bigger differences in the characterization of Aziraphale and Crowley from the books to the series are due to the shift from a late Cold War era to the current shitshow. So we go from jaded operatives dealing with the bankrupt ideologies and goals of their respective side to discontented employees dealing with extremely powerful employers colluding to bring about disaster.
This is an incredibly good take, especially bringing in the expanded role of Gabriel who was, initially, āthat stuffy, posh Brit who canāt get out of his own way.ā and then re-imagined as an American,Ā āthe guy from head office who is like, āHey, what are you doing? Go to work! āā Weāve had so much pop culture material (Office Space was released in 1999, Glengarry Glen Ross in 92, the list could go on) to fill in the space for a character like him, and a fundamental shift of what the current idea of aĀ ārepresentativeā, someone in the corporate wheelhouse looks like to take the place of what Aziraphale and Crowley need to be to accommodate. Horrible bosses and their underlings vs a more le Carre inspired scenario.
I absolutely love this and hope you donāt mind me dogpiling on for a slightly adjacent thing, because yes! The book was written as everyoneās pulling out of the Cold War because they realized mutual destruction was the only result. Everyone took a collective look around and said ānope, thereās no winning here, weād just eat ourselves faster that wayā, and that was it. Thatās what the Johnsonite gang is, thatās why Crowley and Aziraphale are shamed a little by Adam for trying to influence human nature in the first place. Theyāre not needed and thatās the point.
Right now weāre in a time of open hostility and aggression. Everyone feels very divided into specific echo-chamber loyalties (sometimes for good reason, but often to fuel paranoia or discontent), and the powers that be are only stoking those fires harder because it serves them and their egos. The showās got a much bigger emphasis on the marriage (literal and figurative) of differences and embracing friendship and basic kindness in order to bring about change.Ā
It wouldnāt narratively work at this time in our lives to say āleave people alone to thrive without dogma.ā So instead our heroes are told theyāre weak or traitorous for not wanting to continue on a self-destructive road. And their world-changing act (aside from choosing to love each other to start with) is to give humanity-as-Adam a moment outside the noise to make a decision, to remind him that power is in his hands to say no to this. And to say heās cared for no matter what he does.
Good Omens the book is very grounded in the Cold War. In the first major section (which covers the eleven years before they realize they have the wrong kid), every time that Crowley and Aziraphale meet there is a reference to some spy shenanigans occurring in the background. Specifically, the sort of spy shenanigans where nominal enemies are working together. In the park, the head of MI7 and the Russian Cultural Attache are feeding the ducks and feeding each other information while standing studiously far apart. At the British Museum, the second in command of MI9 and the local KGB officer are having a working lunch, and amusingly are arguing about who is going to deduct the bill for business expenses.
It really gives the sense that those Cold War spies are their closest earthly comparison.
Because of the passage of time, this metaphor is mostly lost, and I think the very corporate imagery of Heaven especially is a good replacement. It keeps that sense that the people in charge are completely out of touch with the realities of field work, and have goals that donāt really seem good to anyone else involved.
broke: crowley is jealous about the lovers that aziraphale might have had throughout historyĀ woke: crowley isnāt jealous at all - heās insanely intrigued and every time they get drunk he begs aziraphale to tell the story of how he got each of them into bed and will sometimes interrupt him mid-sentence by sayingĀ āi knew that guy!!ā followed by a huge grinĀ Ā
Just for the record thatās how I picture it as well. I donāt see how any of them could get jealous when they are both insanely curious AND perfectly know that the bond they share is beyond anything they could have with anyone else.
Aziraphale would just go, straight-up, chinhands, Aaaaw, they must have been special if they were special to you, tell me EVERYTHING
Crowley will gently tease Aziraphale about it all day long, but quietly approves of each and every one of them, and then goes on finding an excuse to make, say, their literature more famous again, or hunts down some souvenir for his Angel and massively downplays how hard it was to get it.
* POINTS LOUDLY AT THE POST ABOVE IN FIERCEFUL APPROVAL *