liar liar (i see right through you)
natasha romanoff x fem reader
prompt: âit wasnât real.â âit was to me.â âdid you ever even love me?â âno. i never loved you.â
summary - after your apartment is broken into, natasha realizes she loves you too much to put you in danger. so she breaks up with you.
warnings: mentions of a break-in, smoking, breakups, angst, ptsd mentions, jealousy, mean nat, fluffy ending, happy ending. natashaâs an emotionally repressed idiot.
natasha knew she was in too deep from the moment she met you. she introduced herself, and you had absolutely no idea who black widow or natasha romanoff was. it was refreshing, seeing that little sheepish blush on your face when your friend whispered in your ear, and told you who natasha was. the nervously cute way you played with your fingers, yet you genuinely laughed at everything she said. she fell for you from the moment she had met you at one of tonyâs parties. you were a new intern for one of his companies, and tony specifically wanted to introduce you two. natasha was reluctant, until she met you. everything about you seemed to make her heart smile.
you had a witty response for everything, and natasha loved that. natasha loves you, and thatâs the problem. in her line of work, love is weakness. love is what your enemies use to torture you. she canât ever let anything bad happen to you, not even herself. because natasha romanoff is the worst person on the planet, regardless of the starry eyes you give her, or how you donât flinch away when she touches you. despite knowing her past. the soft touches you leave on her body, along with those delicate kisses. everything about you makes natasha weak, and for a moment, she doesnât care. that moment lasts a whole year, until you get hurt.
the police concluded it was a home invasion gone wrong, but the intruder didnât dare try to steal anything. he cut the side of your cheek, and warned you that heâd be back. natasha had a gut wrenching feeling that it was one of her enemies; she knew it was. coming after the one thing she loves the most. he almost had youâ he could have killed you. he didnât, but he could have, and thatâs the message he wanted to send natasha. and where was miss romanoff that night? on a mission halfway across the world.
of course wanda and tony had shown up at the station rather quickly, and they comforted you till natasha raced home as quickly as she could. the pure heartbreak in her eyes was agonizing as she saw the cut on the side of your face, and all the little voices in her head told her that it was her fault. she engulfed you into her arms for an hour as you sobbed and admitted how scared you were. how vulnerable you felt. natasha held you that night, as her thoughts ran wild. you slept soundly, feeling safe in her arms, while she felt like some wild beast you were trying to domesticate.
you go to work the next day, despite natashaâs request for you to say home. you insist on going on with your normal routine, and that you arenât going to let this get to you. you donât tell her it already has, just like itâs already gotten to her as well. when you leave, natashaâs alone in your apartment, and alone with her thoughts. things she hasnât thought about since before she even met you. she thinks about your pretty face, and the scar that cuts going to leave. how youâll always remember every time you look at it; how sheâll always remember every time she looks at it.
sheâs waiting for you when you get home. sitting on the couch, sitting as straight as a robot. she doesnât look at you right away, and when she does she has an inscrutable look in her eyes. âare you okay, nat?â you ask softly, and she wants to scoff at the ridiculous question. youâre in danger; of course sheâs not okay. âi have to go.â she says, and your face softens. âon a mission? so soon?â you ask as you make your way to the couch to kiss her cheek. she tenses and you furrow your eyebrows as you pull away and stare at her questioningly. âno. i have to go. i have to leave your apartment. i canât be here anymore.â she says and your expression turns serious. âw-what do you mean?â you ask uncertainly.
âis this because of what happened yesterday? because i already started looking for a new apartment, nat. itâll be okay.â you promise, and her jaw tenses as she grips on her jeans. âno, itâs not okay. i donât care if you get a new apartment, i can no longer be here. around you.â she elaborates and you freeze at the admission. âwhat?â you ask in a voice barely above a whisper. âthis... itâs gone on too long. i didnât intend to go this far with you.â she utters the words that make you back away slowly; as if the enter place was going to cave in.
âyouâ you didnât intend for this to go that far? what are you talk about, natasha?â you ask, and the sound of her name makes her look at you. thereâs something in her eyes beneath all that exhaustion. what sheâs tired of, you donât know, but you canât dwell. too many thoughts are circling in on you. âi mean, we both know i was never the relationship type. that hasnât changed.â she states, making you flash her a look of disbelief. âof course itâs changed! weâve been together for a year, natasha! a year! youâve been a wonderful girlfriend, where the hell is this coming from?â you ask a bit demandingly, and she shakes her head.
âthat means nothing. this year meant nothing.â she lies right through her teeth, but the words sound so honest as they hit you. your whole body goes cold, and you wrap your arms around yourself for some kind of comfort, ânothing? h-how could you even say that? what about everything we didâ everything you said.â you try, sounding so desperate as your voice breaks. your throat hurts and tears are stinging your eyes. the sound and sight of you makes natashaâs heart shatter in her chest. âit didnât mean anything. it wasnât real.â natasha says coldly as she stands up. suddenly this is becoming too excruciatingly real. just yesterday she was holding you in her arms, keeping you safe. just yesterday she uttered those three words. âi love youâ.
âit was to me.â you whisper.
a tear falls from your eyes as you look up at natasha whoâs standing a few feet away. itâs pretty fucked up that all you want is for her to wrap her strong arms around you and make you feel better. she says nothing, all she does is stare at you as if youâre a stranger. as if youâre not the girl sheâs been making love to for the last year. you swallow thickly, âdid you ever even love me?â you ask, trying so hard to keep your voice steady. the question nearly winds natasha, but her eyes land on the cut on your cheek. the reality sets in. she has to do this.
natasha goes into assassin mode; all of the emotion leaves her face and eyes. âno. i never loved you.â she simplifies, and natasha can see the exact moment she broke your heart. itâs engraved into her mind, and amongst all of the terrible things sheâs done, this one makes the top three. your bottom lip trembles, but you bite down on it hard to keep it steady. âi-iâll help you pack yourââ you try but she cuts you off. âi already handled it this morning.â natasha responds curtly, and your heart sinks. she planned this. she was planning on leaving you. you wondered how long sheâs been thinking about leaving; how many nights sheâs spent in your bed feeling suffocated by you.
âgoodbye y/n.â she says, and as you look up at her through teary eyes, you can see what looks like regret behind her own. why is she doing this? she doesnât really want to leave, does she? her eyes say no, but she just said all those awful things. you blink, trying to blink the tears away but they fall rapidly, multiplying. sheâs walking away now. sheâs making her way to the front door, and you know this time sheâs never coming back. never.
your voice is stuck in your throat and the words physically crawl out, âplease donât go.â you try to whisper, but it comes out as a pathetic whimper instead. natasha turns her head, but your back is to her. you donât want to watch her leave. you donât think your heart could take having that image burned into your mind. tears well up in the assassins eyes as she takes your image in one last time. you in this apartment. you with your work uniform on that you hate. your hair in an unruly ponytail after a long day. it takes everything in natasha to turn towards the door, and walk out.
but she does. she leaves, and as soon as that door shuts again, the haunting realization that it will never be open for her again makes the tears in her eyes fall. she turns back around, she doesnât want to go. she wants to walk in and tell you everything she just said was complete and utter bullshit. she wants to tell you she loves you so much the thought of anything happening to you because of her makes her want to die. she hears the muffled sobs through the door, and her heart breaks even more than before. she broke you. she broke you, but she will not be the reason you die. you being sad is better than you being dead.
six months. itâs been six months since you heard from natasha. the first few months felt like hell. all you did was cry, or try not to cry. you barely left your house unless it was for work; not to mention the ptsd from the break in. you moved into a new apartment a few days ago. it feels a bit better. now that you live on a different side of town, you feel a bit safer, but a part of you wonders if natasha will ever knock on your old door and be surprised when someone else answers.
you push that thought away quickly as you get ready for one of tonyâs infamous company parties. itâs at the avenger headquarters, so you donât know if youâll be seeing natasha, but you put on a tiny black dress and curl your hair to be prepared. youâre not going alone; youâve been casually dating your coworker johnny for a month now. you decided to bring him as your plus one. you donât really know how you feel about johnny. heâs sweet, and youâre trying to move on with your life without natasha.
natasha on the other hand; sheâs an angry mess without you. she spends her days in the compound when sheâs not training or on missions. sheâs built so much arm muscle in the last six months just to keep herself busy from thinking about you. you and your smile. she isnât sure if youâve moved on, or if that smile is directed at someone new. she hopes not.
she keeps a picture of you by her bed, and she thinks about you every day. sometimes, when sheâs in town and drives by your apartment, she thinks about stopping by. she thinks about pouring her heart out to you, and telling you the truth. then she thinks about the way you looked at her that night; the words she said to you that she didnât mean. that eveningâs been replaying in her mind since she left you. god, she hasnât stopped seeing your face every time she shuts her eyes. she remembers how it felt to have you in her arms; or when sheâd wake up to you. she hasnât been with anybody since you, and she doesnât want to be. sure, sheâs gotten offers, and there were a number of women and men in the compound who wanted a piece of her, but all she could think about was you. it was as if you plagued her thoughts twenty-four seven.
natasha romanoff has never been in love before you. she had never really felt much of anything before you other than anger. meeting you was like putting water on a fire thatâs been burning for so long. a fire nobody else could put out except for you. there was no more fire though; just a drought.
the redhead glances down at her glass of expensive champagne as she stands at the bar wearing a tight red dress. the room is full of shield agents, and her teammates, along with other various workers who worked for fury and tony. there were a hoard of people sheâs known for years, some longer than a decade, yet sheâs never felt more alone. just as the widow is standing around feeling sorry for herself, she hears the most gorgeous sound in the world. for a moment she thinks sheâs hallucinating. itâs your giggle.
natasha looks up, and her eyes lock on you. youâre wearing a tight black dress, and a pair of matching black doc martens. your hair is curled perfectly, yet your back is to natasha and she canât see your face. her heart falls into her stomach as she sees a tall man standing beside you, he slinks his arm around your waist, and kisses your cheek. youâve moved on. of course you moved on, youâre wonderful. natasha frowns as she looks down at her half empty glass.
âneed something stronger?â yelena asks, pulling natasha out of her thoughts. the redhead turns to look at her younger sister whoâs now holding out a flask for natasha to take. natasha gladly accepts, taking the flask and chugging quickly. the taller woman canât help but stare at you. you turn your body to the side to look at the man youâre here with. heâs talking about something and youâre listening to every word he says. just like you used to listen to her.
âshe looks good.â yelena comments, reaching for the flask. natasha scowls, âshe always looks good.â the older woman mutters, making yelena chuckle as she shakes her head. âĐ¸Đ´Đ¸ĐžŃ (idiot).â yelena mutters, and natasha glares at the blonde, âyouâre an idiot! three years ago you were calling a seatbelt a strap on!â natasha snaps, and yelenaâs smirk deepens. âyouâve been such a bitch lately, and now i see why. did y/n ditch you for him?â she asks with a hint of amusement, yet her eyes linger on your date longer than their supposed to. if natasha wanted to kill this guy, yelena already had five different ways to do it running through her mind. âno. i told you, i broke up with her. it was just a fling.â natasha lies horribly and yelena scoffs.
âa fling is that stupid thing you had with green superhero. what you had with her was different, and itâs gonna take a lot of convincing for you to make me believe you broke up with her.â yelena laughs, and natasha glowers at the younger woman, âand why exactly is me breaking up with her so hard to believe?â natasha inquires, causing yelena to shoot her a knowing expression. âbecause youâre in love with her.â yelena acknowledges, and the redhead tenses at the words. she knows theyâre true. everyone in this damn room except for you knows it.
âsheâs better without me.â natasha affirms, making yelena stare at her as if sheâs gone crazy. âbefore we broke up, someone tried to hurt her. they broke in while i was on a mission and cut her face, yel. the police say it was a home invasion gone wrong.â natasha scoffs and yelena raises a brow. âyou donât think so?â she asks and natasha offers her a serious look. âit was a message. it had to have been. it made me realize just how many enemies iâve made. sheâs better off without me, because next time it wonât just be a cut to her face and iâd never forgive myself for it.â natasha hisses under her breath, and yelena purses her lips.
âyes, i felt the same before i let myself be happy with kate. but you have to realize danger is everywhere, right? that guy could murder her in her sleep and we wouldnât even be prepared for it.â the blonde adds bluntly, and natashaâs eyes widen. âwhy the hell would you say that?!â the redhead asks with a hiss, and yelena rolls her eyes, âbecause itâs true. the only way youâre gonna be able to keep her safe is by protecting her, and how are you gonna do that from far away?â yelena asks pointedly.
the redhead looks over at you, and as if on cue, you look up and your eyes lock with hers. time stills as your eyes lock with those emerald green orbs. still as beautiful as ever. your breath gets caught in your throat, and within a second all of your progress in the past six months comes crumbling down. you get lost in her eyes for a split second, before looking away quickly. your chest aches as you swallow whats in your glass, and try to focus on whatever johnny and bucky are talking about.
natashaâs gaze is glued to your back for a good five seconds after that. yelenaâs chuckle pulls her out of her trance. âyou are both идиОŃŃ (idiots).â yelena confirms, and natasha shoots daggers at yelena with her eyes. natasha snatches the flask out of her sisters hands and finishes whatâs left, causing yelenaâs jaw to drop in offense. âthat was the only vodka i brought!â the blonde is borderline pouting, causing natasha to roll her eyes. âi needed it more than you did. iâm getting out of here.â natasha remarks as she places the flask in yelenaâs hands before the redhead walks away.
natasha turns her head to look at you one more time, except youâre no longer standing in the same place as you were before. natashaâs stomach burns with jealousy as she thinks about you going home with your date. she tries to push that thought far away as she exits the party, and makes her way to the elevator. now her mind is centering around you, and your laugh. how beautiful you looked tonight. youâre always so beautiful. her fists clench as the image of someone else with their arm around your waist is now branded into her mind. she knows she has no right to feel this way; but she still feels undeniably jealous.
as she steps outside of the building, her eyes lock with yours. youâre smoking a cigarette on your own. natasha freezes in her tracks right outside of the entrance of the building. neither of you make a move, or say a word. you blink a few times, your heart is pounding, and you canât even bring yourself to say anything. she looks down at the cigarette in your right hand. âyou smoke now?â she asks, and a wave of disbelief washes over you. she hasnât dared to reach out for months, and the first thing she says to you when she sees you is that?
you shrug, keeping your composure. âi picked it up.â you respond curtly, as you turn away from her, and continue to smoke. natasha bites the inside of her cheek hard, refraining herself from saying anything, yet she doesnât make any movement to walk away. âwhereâs your boyfriend?â she asks blandly, and you roll your eyes, your back still to her. âheâs not my boyfriend. we came in separate cars, and he left.â you respond simply, and she nods slowly. youâre still refusing to look at her, but sheâs practically gaping at you.
âyou look good.â she adds, breaking the short silence. you sigh as you toss your nearly finished cigarette on the ground. you turn to look at her, a deadly serious look in your eyes and it nearly makes the ex assassin gulp. âdonât do that.â you warn, causing natasha to knit her brows together, âdo what?â she questions, and you flash her a pointed look. âthe small talk. stop trying to pretend like you care about anything pertaining me. we donât have to talk. ever. you can keep walking.â you say, gesturing your hand towards the parking lot. you swear a wave of hurt flashes through natashaâs eyes, but she regains herself quite quickly. she clears her throat, âi do care. i care about you so much.â she claims, and she takes a step closer to you. instinctively you take a step back; the hurt in her green, jewel colored orbs clear as day now.
âsix months later and youâre still a liar? you know, you should have been an actress, natasha. i guess if you ever decide to quit the avengers, you have something to fall back on.â you snap as you start to walk away. âwaitâ please donât go yet. i just wanted to apologize.â she tries, trailing behind you. you come to an abrupt stop, causing her to halt. you turn around, tears are in your eyes yet you look undoubtedly angry. âapologize? for what? for walking out on me when i needed you, or for wasting a year of my life with your lies?â you ask harshly, and her shoulders deflate. âi know what i said that nightââ she tries, but you cut her off.
pure rage flashes through your eyes, âdonât. that night... that night was the only honest night of our relationship. the rest of it was all a lie.â your voice is cruel, and natasha feels herself shrinking. is this how you felt that night? âplease iââ she tries, but you shake your head. âno, natasha. i donât want to hear it. youâve had months to try to talk to me, months to explain yourself. iâve moved on.â youâre lying right through your teeth, but the way her face changes into an obvious pained expression is, in the moment satisfying. hurting her the way she hurt you feels good in this moment.
natasha looks down at her shoes, her throat aches and her eyes are burning with tears. she blinks them away quickly, nodding as she looks up at you. âcan youâ can you at least tell me that youâre happy? just tell me youâre happy without me, and i swear iâll leave you alone. i wonât try to explain myself, or ever bother you again.â natasha swears, and you blink, your eyes set on hers. all you can hear are those words she said to you. those words youâve heard in your head every night for the last six months. âi never loved youâ. those nights making love to you, whispering how much she loved you in your ear; that was all a lie.
the bitter, furious expression etches itself onto your features, âiâm happy. much happier. thank you for leaving my life, it was the best thing you ever did for me.â you spit coldly, and the moment the words leave your mouth you regret them. the way her face looks; itâs as if you just slapped her. she backs away from you slowly, nodding as she pries her eyes away from you. her hands are at her side, and sheâs standing there robotically, kind of like she has no idea what to do with herself. the anger leisurely exits your body, and suddenly, under the pale lighting of the moon, you can see just how broken natasha looks.
âiâm sorry for bothering you. goodnight.â her tone is barely above a whisper, and she turns around on her heels and quickly disappears back into the building. you stand there for what feels like ages; you donât even realize youâre crying until you lick your lips and taste the salty tears mixed with the faded strawberry flavor of your lipgloss. she hurt you terribly, yet you canât help but feel irrefutably guilty as you think about how she looked at you after those lies left your mouth just now. you werenât happy without natasha; how could you be? youâve just felt so used, hurt, and angry, you wanted to hurt her feelings like she hurt yours. it felt good for a few moments, but now you just feel awful.
you close your eyes and rub your palms across your stained cheeks, wiping your tears away roughly. at least you evened out the score now. who are you kidding? youâd let her win every battle if it meant sheâd come back. but she doesnât love you. why was she even trying to talk to you in the first place?
that night thoughts of natasha plague your mind. what explanation could she possibly have? what more could she need to say? didnât she say everything she needed to the night she dumped you? you sigh, tossing and turning in your bed. this is for the better. being without her is better than being with someone who doesnât really love you. regardless of how much it hurts. still, the look she gave you tonight is stuck in your brain.
all of your progress youâve made over the last half year, seems to be lost. you realize how in love you still are with natasha as soon as you canât stop thinking about her after that night. as soon as you realize no matter how much you want to, you canât hate her. no matter how much she hurt you; no matter how used you feel... you still miss her more than anything. if you were being honest, all you wanted was for her to knock on your door and beg for your forgiveness. even though you know she doesnât deserve it.
the weeks go on, and october rolls by. you break things off with johnny before he catches any serious feelings, and luckily, you get promoted at work so you donât have to see him every day anymore. your financial life seems to be getting better, yet you canât help but feel as if youâre living like a robot. living day to day; forcing yourself to eat, work, and breathe. a part of you lives with the constant nagging; that little voice in your head that makes you feel so small. it tells you horrible things.
âyou were never enough for nat.â
âof course she lied about loving you, who would?â
âyou canât do anything right today, itâs no wonder natasha left you so easily.â
âshe probably found someone better.â
of course, these thoughts arenât happening 24/7, but they are getting more consistent. one week it gets so bad you donât go a single night without crying. you call into work for three days straight before showing up and going right to tonyâs office. you knock lightly, and he looks up from his laptop, smiling a friendly smile at you. âgood morning, y/n! what can i do for ya?â he asks, and you flash him a watery smile. immediately the older man can see somethings wrong. your skirt and blouse, that are usually as prim and proper as you, are wrinkled. the bags under your eyes are evident, and itâs clear you arenât wearing any makeup.
âgood morning, mr. stark. i-i know i called out for a few days this week, but i have a few weeks of vacation time available... i was wondering if i could use a week of it?â you ask a bit nervously, looking down at your fingers while playing with them. âof course you can. though, you havenât taken a vacation in years. is everything alright?â he asks, and you look up, nodding too quickly for his liking. âyup! everythingâs fine! just planning on visiting my parents.â you lie. you havenât visited your parents in years due to your rocky relationship with them.
he stares at you, seemingly unconvinced. he nods reluctantly, âalright... well, if you want to start your vacation today, you can. iâll put it in right now.â he says, and you smile gratefully. âthank you, mr. stark. iâll see you next week. have a wonderful day.â you muster up sincerely, and he smiles kindly at you. âyou too. if you ever need to talk, just remember youâre not alone. you dated one of my best friends for a year, you became my friend.â he reminds and you smile sadly. âthank you, tony. iâm fine.â you lie, and he nods reluctantly.
âwell, alright...â he trails off as he watches you walk out of his office. âdonât forget your sunscreen! vegas is sunny, even this time of year!â he warns, and this, earns a sincere chuckle from you.
tony tries to push the thought out of his mind, but he brings it up to pepper that night before bed. âiâm sure sheâs just going through a hard time because of the breakup...?â pepper asks and he sighs, âthatâs just it; over the last few months sheâs been thriving! i even heard she had a thing with that johnny boy from HR. but after that party a few weeks ago things changed. iâm telling you, babe, the kids been a zombie at work. she called out for the last three days, and today she requested a week long vacation!â he admits, and pepper frowns.
âa vacation? since when does y/n ever want a vacation? she loves work...â pepper mutters, and tony flashes her an âi told you soâ expression. âwas natasha at that party?â the blonde asks, and tony thinks for a moment, before nodding. âhey, you know now that i think about it, i think they sort of disappeared at the same time... do youâ do you think they hooked up??â tony asks a bit scandalously. pepper laughs at her husbands love of gossip, âhmm... maybe. i donât know... did natasha ever tell you why they broke up?â pepper asks curiously, and tony shakes his head.
âof course not. she just came back to the compound one night and asked for her old room back. we put two and two together when we stopped seeing y/n hanging around. i never asked y/n about it because it was right after her apartment got broken into. poor kid had to deal with that huge cut on her face, and a breakup. i didnât want to pry.â tony confesses, and pepper furrows her eyebrows. âwhy would natasha break up with her right after that? i know natasha isnât the most loving person, but we all know she was head over heels for y/n. there was no way she just decided to breakup with her for no reason. especially while y/n was going through that.â pepper points out.
tony makes a face, âi donât know... natâs kind of an ass...â he trails off jokingly, and pepper hits his shoulder, causing him to laugh. âiâm kidding. look, i go to the compound tomorrow to help peter train. iâll ask nat about y/n. iâll gather some more information for you.â he winks at his wife, making her giggle as she shakes her head in amusement. ânormally iâd advise you not to get involved, but somebody needs to get those two back together already.â she huffs.
natasha hasnât gotten more than an hour of sleep since her last encounter with you. seeing you look so beautiful, so happy without her makes her realize all her insecurities were true. you found someone better, someone who deserves your love and kindness. someone who can tell you how they feel without struggling with their emotions. someone who can hold you at night, and allow you to sleep without having nightmares that wake the both of you up. someone normal.
sheâs been living on autopilot since she left you, and she has a feeling thatâs not going to change. how is it that she canât imagine her life before you? it was only a year... a year of your smiles, gentle touches, and delicate kisses. the purest love natasha has ever received. itâs no wonder she couldnât return it the way she should have. she loves you. more than sheâs ever loved anything. but she lost you, and she knows thereâs no way to get you back.
âjeez, you look awful.â tonyâs voice causes natasha to roll her eyes as she waits for the coffee machine to finish up her drink. she doesnât even bother looking at the older man, âbecause you know so much about looking good.â she mutters under her breath and tony steps closer. he gets a look at the bags under natashaâs eyes, and the way her eyes are hard and fixated on her mug. âsheâs miserable without you, you know?â tony asks, breaking the short silence. natasha tenses, she knows heâs talking about you. âthatâs not what i saw.â she mumbles.
âthe eyes can be deceiving.â he reminds, and natasha responds with silence. he sighs as he runs his fingers through his hair. âwhen are you going to stop this? youâre both miserable, and itâs obvious as hell that you donât want to be here, nat. you want to be with her.â he says adamantly, and natasha slams her mug down onto the counter so hard it nearly shatters. âsheâs safer without me, stark!â natasha snaps, and tony looks taken back for a moment.
âyou donât know what itâs like to have so many enemies you canât even go on a mission without someone trying to hurt the person you love.â natashaâs voice is stern, and her brows are pinched together while her eyes are glossy. tony looks at her for a second without saying anything, âthat guy who broke into her old apartment... it wasnât a robbery gone wrong was it?â he asks and natashaâs jaw tenses before she answer. âno. it wasnât.â she retorts bluntly, but the way sheâs still refusing to meet tonyâs eyes shows him just how much this has been eating her up.
âyou know, no matter how wrong you think you are for her, nobody gets to decide that but her. i canât tell you sheâs never going to get hurt, and i canât tell you if that fear of her getting hurt when you arenât around will ever go away. trust me, i know that fear, natasha. but i also know love, and so do you. you canât just pretend not to love someone because youâre afraid of the outcome. iâve known you for eleven years now, and never once have i seen you as happy as you are with her.â he points out, and natasha snaps her mouth shut.
âsheâs with somebody else now.â natasha announces, and tony scoffs. âwho, johnny from HR? word around the office is they stopped seeing each other last month. right after that party i threw here.â he says and natashaâs entire expression changes. she turns her head to look at him, searching his face for any sign of dishonesty. âw-why?â natasha asks, and he flashes her a knowing look, âiâll give you three guesses but you only need one.â he taunts, and natasha chews on the inside of her cheek.
âshe doesnât want to talk to me. in fact, at the shield party she told me she was happier without me.â natasha swallows thickly as she remembers your exact words. tony rolls his eyes as he crosses his arms, âhappier? natasha, she spent the last six and a half months throwing herself into work and refusing to say your name. then all of a sudden she sees you at the shield party and sheâs missing work, and using her pto?â he asks, and natasha pauses, scrunching her brows together. âsheâs missing work? she never misses work, she loves work.â natasha says, more to herself than to tony.
the older man flashes the redhead a look, âi know. which is why iâm worried about you both. you should go check on her.â he urges, causing natasha to shoot daggers at him with her eyes. âgo see her?? i donât even have her new address!â she hisses and he raises his brows. she falters for a moment, âokay... maybe i have the address... but i donât have the apartment number!â she proclaims, and tony shakes his head, chuckling. âapartment 345. seriously, nat, think about going to check on her. even if it doesnât mend your relationship, at least youâll know sheâs alright.â he says simply, before stealing the fresh coffee natasha hasnât even taken a sip of yet.
she glowers at him as he slips away, making her sigh in defeat. she knows she canât keep living like this. living without you.
it takes natasha two whole days to work up the courage to show up at your apartment. even after sheâs standing right in front of your door. she looks down at her boots and sighs. what is she doing? she canât try to win you back after all those things she said. ânatasha?â your voice from behind her causes her to freeze. âwhat are you doing here?â you ask with a handful of grocery bags. she turns around to see you; you in your oversized flannel jacket and ripped jeans, along with a cropped top. you furrow your eyebrows because sheâs staring at you as if sheâs looking at you for the first time.
âhow did you get my address?â you ask uncertainly, and your face changes. âyouâre a spy. you literally are a professional at gathering intel... iâll stop asking stupid questions now.â you mutter as you nudge her to the side softly to get to your door. you push it open and your greeted with your german shepherd puppy, âhi sweetheart.â you greet her and natasha eyes the dog who comes rushing over to her and starts jumping around her legs.
âthatâs winnie. i got her last month.â you admit, and you sigh tiredly as you see a pee stain on the wooden floor. âsheâs still learning how to live as a civilized lady.â you admit as you set the bags on the counter and walk over to the mop near your kitchen. you look up and see natasha kneeling down and stroking your puppyâs head, the sight tugs on your heartstrings. âsheâs cute.â natasha confirms, and you smirk as you mop up winnieâs mess. âthanks...â you trail off as a silence washes over you both.
âi just came by toââ
you both start speaking simultaneously, causing you to bite your bottom lip. she stares at you, silently offering you to go first. âwould you like something to drink? i can make hot chocolate.â you ask calmly, and she shakes her head. âno thank you... i just... i know i promised to leave you alone... but i... i canât stop thinking about you. iâve felt like iâve been living my life on autopilot without you. iâm sorry. i know i shouldnât be here, but iâve never felt this way before.â she confesses, standing by the front door, her emerald eyes pouring into yours as she stares at you with an expression you canât even read. she looks even more broken than when you last saw her.
your fingers are playing with the ends of your flannel jacket, and you stare at her for awhile. âwh-why did you do that? you lied to me for a year. a whole year, natasha.â your voice cracks as you speak, and you mentally curse yourself for it. natashaâs fingernails dig into her palm as she clenches her fists, and she shakes her head. âno. the time we spent together was the greatest time of my life. i lied to you that night. i... you donât understand, that man who broke in, he wasnât just an intruder... i put you in danger. i have too many enemies, and i knew you wouldnât just let me go. so i hurt you, and iâm sorry.â natasha sounds full of shame and regret, and your brows scrunch together in confusion and a bit of anger.
âso you lied?? you said all of those horrible things so itâd be easier for me to let you go?? natashaâ it wasnât any easier for me to let you go! it felt like someone cut a hole in my chest!â youâre nearly shouting, your hand over your chest in emphasis. natasha shuts her eyes, a ragged breath escaping her lips as she tries to ignore the tears threatening to leave her eyes. when she opens them again, you can see the tears brimming in those emerald orbs, âiâm sorry... iâm so sorry, i thought youâd be better without me...â her voice is faint and your heart cracks in your chest at the sight of her. âwhy would you think that? i love you, natasha. youâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me.â you say sincerely, and this causes her heart to flutter. natasha doesnât even realize sheâs crying until she can feel the tears streaming down her cheeks, and falling off her jaw onto her collarbone.
âyou love me again...?â she asks in complete shock. you shake your head, your own eyes full of tears. âi never stopped, nat.â you confess earnestly, and her bottom lip is quivering as her tears wonât stop. âiâm sorry, detka. iâm so sorry i left you. i love you so much, i always have.â her hands are shaking and itâs like your body has a mind of its own as you walk over to her slowly. you carefully inch up to her with your arms open, and her heart palpitates against your chest as she gladly reaches for you and pulls you against her.
her strong embrace engulfs you, and the smell of her makes you start to sob. you donât know how long you two are standing there like this. your arms around her waist and her arms around your neck, holding you to her chest. your tears were surely staining her shirt, but you didnât care. youâve missed her so much, sheâs all youâve been able to think about for months. âyou canât just do that, nat. you canâtâ you canât just make decisions for my benefit without talking to me about it.â you say sternly as you push her away, looking up at her with a stringent expression, yet the widow could see the vulnerability seeping through.
âi promise iâll never leave you again, detka. not as long as iâm breathing.â she swears, as she pulls you in again, kissing your head as she keeps you held tightly. thatâs a promise natasha intends to keep.
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