What’s Bi Is Bi

megs: she/her Come for the Destiel, stay for the Cockles. Pansexual. Bipolar. OCD. Riddled with anxiety. Literally a goddam mess of a human being.

[castielslostwings]

A Eulogy and Obituary for Dagny Ayn September 13, 1978 -- February 2023.

I am devastated beyond words to share that the wonderful Dagny Ayn (who you may know as daynz or meta_castiel on twitter) is no longer with us. Her sudden passing is a shock and the urge to speculate on details is understandable, but I hope we can focus on her light instead, because Dagny doesn't deserve to have her life defined by how it ended. Dagny did not receive the recognition of her life and memorialization of her existence that she deserved out in the real world, so I thought to give it to her here, as well as create a place for those of us who loved her to come together and grieve, to share about her memory as we should.

Dagny was here. Please read and celebrate her life with me.

To do it online seems right. I truly believe Dagny would approve. The online Supernatural fandom (and especially the Destiel-friendly spaces), served as her community, her chosen family. Like so many of us, fandom was her life vest, her social circle, her escape from the harshness of the non-virtual world, and the source of most joy in her life. To anyone who knew her, it was no secret as to how much Dagny loved this little corner of the internet.

On a personal note, Dagny was one of the first people I connected with after joining the fandom, and we immediately bonded over our mutual love for Buffy and Supernatural. Especially Willow/Tara, Misha Collins, Castiel, and Destiel. We shared many similar life struggles, from past trauma and complex parental relationships to mental health and disability challenges to a lack of IRL support and chronic loneliness.

The friend group I shared with her and @coinofstone was one of the safest places I have ever known. Talking to Dagny never failed to leave me feeling heard and understood. I hope I was able to do the same for her.

Dagny was strong. Despite the many obstacles life constantly hurled in her direction, she was always looking forward and moving towards the future. She saw the best in people, even those who failed her, those who didn't deserve her grace and forgiveness. She loved her mother more than anything in the world, and Chelsea, her cat, a very close second.

(she would definitely want me to show you Chelsea!) When Dagny's mother and main support system passed unexpectedly in recent years, Dagny was handed a new armful of struggles and asked to face an uncertain future without the person she loved most and with barely enough resources to survive. She was uprooted from her home and moved clear across the country, losing so much in the process and dropped in a precarious situation. Despite all of that, she had big goals for herself. She was working hard to build the life she wanted despite a major lack of family & IRL support as well as her own demons.

Dagny was amazing at appreciating the simplest things. A free coffee at Tim's, some stickers in the mail, or a small windfall that allowed her to purchase a meal kit from the grocery store would brighten her entire week and she would gush about how happy she was for days. When she first moved cities after losing her mom, she talked about how thrilled she felt to have big windows and a view of the city, as she'd lived in a basement walkout for years. Her enthusiasm for those things, even in the face of great struggle, was always humbling and contagious.

Dagny was easy to love.

As for fandom, Dagny especially loved Misha, Castiel, and Destiel, and did so fiercely. She read tens of thousands of words of fanfic every day, frequently messaging me from the bus to complain about rowdy passengers "interrupting her gay porn". One time, she lost her phone and worried to me (from her laptop) about losing her entire collection of fanart, 100+ AO3 tabs, and the SPN-related photos she had saved, unconcerned about the actual phone and her ability to contact IRLs.

With what little extra money Dagny had (and how infrequently she could be convinced to treat herself), she enjoyed collecting fandom merch, especially items made by her favorite fan artists. She ALWAYS had a Destiel case from redbubble on her phone! Her Ace pin from Stands was a treasured item.

Dagny greatly admired Misha's missions and charity work very much, following GISH closely and always striving to share and his boost campaigns and those of other cast members. She would often express that she wished she could do or donate more, even while she struggled to provide bare essentials for herself. Dagny was selfless like that.

As full as her phone was with saved memes, cast photos, Castiel/Destiel art, and fanfic links, it was equally brimming with people who loved Dagny herself. She often expressed how happy and connected seeing notifications on her social posts made her feel, how loved she felt by her friends and fellow shippers.

Discovering the Ace spectrum through fandom empowered Dagny to feel confident in expressing her identity, allowing her to name and define a feeling and concept she could never quantify before. She felt very strongly about wearing her Ace pride on her sleeve. We spoke many times about the power of fandom and online community to turn shame and confusion into confidence and love, and Dagny truly embraced that concept. She was a wonderful role model for embracing your true self.

Dagny had many hopes for a bright future. She was trying to find a job and gain more financial independence, and she had a whole plan to do so. She was smart and motivated. She was also haunted and wrestled constantly with demons that just wouldn't let her go.

We talked frequently about finally meeting at an SPN convention, once she was able. One of Dagny's dreams was to have a photo op with Misha as Castiel, and we spent many nights planning excitedly for a theoretical day that we hoped would come. Since then, she fell in love with Heartstopper and dipped into other fandoms and was living her best online life. Dagny had so much room in her heart.

So many things, not the least of which were time and borders, kept us from ever meeting in person, but our friendship was no less real for those barriers.

To Dagny: family doesn't end in blood. Jen and I both love you and choose you back. We know you were here. You made an impact and we'll never forget you. This wasn't supposed to be the end of the road, but you taught me that sometimes life has other plans and there's nothing to do but roll with them.

Until we meet again, my friend. thank you for being you.

If you would like to do something to honor Dagny, her life, and her passions, she would want you to donate to The Castiel Project. It's particularly fitting, as besides being a beloved project to her, Dagny also deserved a happy ending that just wasn't in the cards.

Please feel free to leave your memories and/or love for Dagny here.

[7faerielights]

I’ll miss her forever.

[solassitudes]

my singing voice is good for showers and mornings in the kitchen and drunken nights and lullabies for babies who need sleep and im okay with this

[solassitudes]

i think it’s silly to be ashamed of your art because it’s not in a museum and of your voice because it’s not selling out stadiums. there will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do.

[rosesastrology]

Idk why but this hit me really hard and I’ve been staring at it for a couple minutes.

[ethuil]

[theatricuddles]

[ID: A quote from Mozart in the Jungle that reads “You say amateur as if it was a dirty word. Amateur comes from the latin word “amare”, which means to love. To do things for the love of it.“]

[7faerielights]

Sometimes I think about the grim acceptance that would settle over Dean when he had to do something horrible. The way he would visibly retreat behind a mask of hard stoicism, the only expression on his face an angry scowl. And I consider how different that is to he was when he got those rare breaks in the awfulness. His sweet softness, that bright smile, the tender way he cared for his loved ones. And it really hits home what a tragedy it was that life dragged Dean Winchester down into the muck because Cas really was right about how he was genuinely the most loving man. Those moments of his true self breaking through like sun through clouds are breathtaking and beautiful. What a shame it was that we only got glimpses of him that way. What an even bigger shame that he only got glimpses too.

[queermania]

It's beautiful.

[eepy-pleepy]

Guys I’ve just made an absolutely insane discovery and I am losing my entire fucking mind

[sheepandpencils]

What if Dean came home to find a certain trench-coated angel waiting for him on his doorstep. 

[chaoticdean]

You reap what you sow, etc etc.

Bouncing off this post by @ltleflrt, and because most of this has been happening over the bird app, I think it’s relatively essential to cross-post this to Tumblr so that the Destiel community knows about it.

Strap in and get your popcorn ready. Here’s what’s been happening.

Technically, printing fanfic is illegal. But on that same basis, so is fanart and by extension, it’s as illegal to profit from fanart than it is to profit from words. That means every single one of our beloved fan artists are illegally selling their works through their website, Etsy, or RedBubble.

This is not to say you should stop supporting your artists, this is meant to say: this is common ground and if you’re actively against printed fanfic because ‘someone’ (being the printing site, the author or anyone else) is profiting from it, then I strongly advice you close your ao3 account (because the OTW doesn’t profit from the website but the company that’s providing the server is), stop any and all purchase of fanart and stop reading anything altogether.

Now, onto the story.

Two years ago or so, I released my very first hard copy. I had intended to only do one for myself, because I’m a sucker for books (it’s in my literal job description), and this story is important enough to me that I wanted to be able to hold it in my hands. When I talked about creating a book in my latest chapter’s notes on AO3, everyone was weirdly excited. To my greatest surprise, people actually seemed to want their own copy.

After a couple of research, some professional help (as I said, it’s in my job description), and I discovered the Lulu website, which allows you to print books in very little quantities at a more than reasonable price considering the cost of paper these days. Once I was done with the story and had prepared the correct files for the book, I told people I’d be releasing the link after I was done publishing the story on AO3.

Almost immediately after this, two different writers reached out to me and told me the same thing: “Don’t release the link publicly. There’s someone who takes joy in reporting anyone who makes a printed copy of their fanwork available and shut them down immediately. They’re gonna do to you what they do to me.”

Those two writers are prolific Destiel creator @nickelkeep, and @winjennster who wrote one of my favorite fic of all times, “Painted Angels”.

At the time, because I’m nothing if not a persistent asshole, I still published the link without taking their advice into account. As a result, I had my first (of many) Lulu link and account suspended in under 24 hours, and the crusade began.

I released hard copies for 5 other of my stories since then: Heart’s on Fire, Parachutes, Darkest Roads, Glory Hallelujah and the Suptober 2020 collection.

When I was still printing directly through Lulu, and even when people had to go through me first to get the link, it always ended up getting reported at one point or another. Because I’m a petty-ass bitch, I always got it back up, but what about those who didn’t have my thick skin? What about those with no support?

It continued to happen, to me and other writers ( @castielslostwings and Tricia_16 both fell to the same games, @malmuses had to resolve to only make their fics available through files that people would print through Lulu themselves, which is what most authors nowadays have been doing). Robin (Castielslostwings) ended up being reported even after she put the links to her story behind a paywall (people couldn’t access it until they got a basic ko-fi membership to access her discord server and the room with the link). That’s part of the reason why I opened my own website: to be able to control who got the books, and prevent people from shutting down my professional account with a printing service I use for work.

We reached another high in this story when the same group managed to report my entire website on the basis that I was using Warner Bros. and CW property. That was about six months ago, and again, because I have thick skin, a great support system and pettiness coursing through my veins, I got it back up.

We reached another high this week, when their group managed to get the AO3 Police and Abuse committee to take down my two most popular stories: ‘Patient Love’ and ‘Parachutes’. I have appealed this decision and meticulously reviewed both stories several times to make sure I don’t have even a sprinkle left that they can use against me. Still, the AO3 Police and Abuse committee has threatened to plain and simply delete the stories even though I complied with their demands, which is when I decided that I had enough of protecting the bully’s name even.

You can see screenshots and hear more about this part of the story here.

We’ve known who’s been behind this for years. The same name was given to me two years ago at the very start. Winjennster got her first hard copy of Painted Angels reported by the same person. Ltleflrt has been under the fire of a nasty hate campaign led by this very same person years ago for distributing hard copies of her stories. Nickelkeep is the first one who told me her name, and they’ve had the same issues with AO3 to the point where they had to actually wait several months until AO3 allowed them to post again and unlocked several of  their stories.

The name of that person, a fellow beloved writer of the Destiel community, is Palominopup.

Now let’s keep one thing clear: this group may pretend that they’re nobly defending the IP rights of Warner Bros., a multi-million dollar corporation with lawyers who make $800-$1000+ an hour, but the real reason is elsewhere; it starts with ego and ends with assholery.

This specific behavior should be a call for action to everyone who supports fanfic and writers; our fics are made for your own enjoyment, for fun. If this behavior keeps getting normalized, and more fics get reported because of targeted harassment like this, writers will simply cease sharing their new work with you.

Robin aka @caslostwings shared a thread about this that’s an important read relating to the situation.

Now, you may be asking “well what’s all this without proof”. Anyone can accuse anyone, with no proof to see, who are you supposed to believe? I’d counteract that when +10 different writers that don’t necessarily interact with each other on a weekly basis all have the same name for the person who’s been doing this for years that’s enough evidence, but I digress.

We were able to get our hands on the nifty documents that Fran aka Palominopup and her friend Susan have drafted several years ago for their little group of bullies. It’s basically a “how to” guide to report Lulu links to printed fic copies, and to report any fics to AO3 for a myriad of reasons.

Access to the doc here.

Censored inside source to prove that the doc is actually legit: click here.

Now that all the proofs are here, let me riddle you this: how ill and self-loathing do you have to be to make a complete ‘How-To’ guide on how to effectively implode another creator’s work? What’s the reason to do this other than ruining other people’s happiness and enjoyment?

What’s going to happen now is simple; this doc is going to get into the hands of antis who already have a grudge against us and will abuse it thoroughly and entirely. Expect more stories to come down, more authors to be disgusted and driven away from sharing their writing because of this.

Which brings me to the second point; this is exactly how you get beloved and well-established authors to stop writing and sharing their work entirely. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if Patient Love and Parachutes end up being deleted by AO3, they will not get back up.

If you thought Palominopup’s nastiness stopped at reporting her fellow destiel writers, think again. The outright toxicity that stems from this convo between Nickel and their friend over the fear of having to deal with Fran’s sleaziness & vile behavior should be your last proof.

Nickelkeep’s source threatening them because Fran (Palominopup) is a tyrant and now this is ‘all over twitter’: click here.

To finish this: I have NOTHING to gain from telling everyone who’s been doing this.

Palominopup doing this shit has been known FOR YEARS and we all kept it shut because surely another Destiel writer couldn’t be behind all this abuse brought on multiple different beloved writers.

This isn’t me launching a vendetta on someone I don’t even read/know/interacted with before.

This is multiple different Destiel authors having had the same knowledge about her over the years and finally being fed up with it enough to say “I’m not protecting the name of the bully who’s been terrorizing authors for YEARS anymore”.

I’m not standing down anymore. I’m not letting this happen to more writers.

At some point, karma’s gotta work. Something’s gotta give.

Since last night and us collectively deciding to not protect her name anymore, our buddy Palominopup has been losing her mind and accusing several people who are not in her little bully group of leaking things, has managed to try and construct a story that somehow involves me being wanted by the FBI and Interpol (really?!), so let me finish by saying this:

Fran, honey, you made your own bed, it’s your own funeral. If you have to worry about something “getting out” and desperately try to find a guilty party, maybe it wasn’t meant to even exist in the first place. When you cause that much trouble you’re bound to receive it tripled down the line.

You are the problem. You reap what you sow, etc.

I’ve been made aware of people wanting to flood her fic comments with nasty shit: please don’t. We’re better than this. We’re not bullies. We don’t stoop down to their level. The best response is ignorance. Don’t read her shit. Don’t rec it. I hope people forget she even exists.

Know what you should do instead? Buy some kickass books. Support your local fanfic writers by reading their works, rec’ing them, tipping your favorite authors, or leaving comments on their work.

I have been in contact with the AO3 Abuse & Policy committee and they have been made aware of the existence of this document and what it means in regards to the use of their website. They are looking into it.

If you’ve made it to the end, here are your gifts:

Here’s a master list of fic books available. Be aware that some authors have taken the decision to not share theirs anymore because of Fran’s and her group’s behavior, so if they don’t respond to their DM.

The code “PALOMINOPUP” gets you 10% off your order on my website (because I’m made of pettiness and who’s going to stop me at this point? We’ve already hit rock bottom.)

I’m gonna end this by tagging some fellow fanfic writers to try and signal boost this as much as I can. Since it’s “one of our own” doing this to our own writers, I feel it’s important that people know about this as much as possible.

Be good to one another.

Love, always,

Jus aka chaoticdean.

— fellow writer taglist under the cut —

Keep reading

[7faerielights]

Listen y’all boost the hell out of this because this is some of the most spiteful, hateful selfish bullshit ever. Fran can fuck all the way off. I’ve blocked her on ao3 and will block her on any site we’re both on. Y’all we are supposed to fucking SUPPORT each other not tear each other apart. We are teeny tiny fishies in this giant motherfucking pond called life and we are supposed to swim together not leave each other out here to get eaten by motherfucking sharks.

[stopmakingfaces]

I simply cannot understand how anyone could be such an arsehole and spend so much time and energy on grinding down other authors. I haven’t logged into AO3 in a few years tbh but I will go check and if I kudo’ or bookmarked something of this Palominopup’s I will delete it and block her.

Is she here as well?

[7faerielights]

She is indeed. Same @

[chaoticdean]

You reap what you sow, etc etc.

Bouncing off this post by @ltleflrt, and because most of this has been happening over the bird app, I think it’s relatively essential to cross-post this to Tumblr so that the Destiel community knows about it.

Strap in and get your popcorn ready. Here’s what’s been happening.

Technically, printing fanfic is illegal. But on that same basis, so is fanart and by extension, it’s as illegal to profit from fanart than it is to profit from words. That means every single one of our beloved fan artists are illegally selling their works through their website, Etsy, or RedBubble.

This is not to say you should stop supporting your artists, this is meant to say: this is common ground and if you’re actively against printed fanfic because ‘someone’ (being the printing site, the author or anyone else) is profiting from it, then I strongly advice you close your ao3 account (because the OTW doesn’t profit from the website but the company that’s providing the server is), stop any and all purchase of fanart and stop reading anything altogether.

Now, onto the story.

Two years ago or so, I released my very first hard copy. I had intended to only do one for myself, because I’m a sucker for books (it’s in my literal job description), and this story is important enough to me that I wanted to be able to hold it in my hands. When I talked about creating a book in my latest chapter’s notes on AO3, everyone was weirdly excited. To my greatest surprise, people actually seemed to want their own copy.

After a couple of research, some professional help (as I said, it’s in my job description), and I discovered the Lulu website, which allows you to print books in very little quantities at a more than reasonable price considering the cost of paper these days. Once I was done with the story and had prepared the correct files for the book, I told people I’d be releasing the link after I was done publishing the story on AO3.

Almost immediately after this, two different writers reached out to me and told me the same thing: “Don’t release the link publicly. There’s someone who takes joy in reporting anyone who makes a printed copy of their fanwork available and shut them down immediately. They’re gonna do to you what they do to me.”

Those two writers are prolific Destiel creator @nickelkeep, and @winjennster who wrote one of my favorite fic of all times, “Painted Angels”.

At the time, because I’m nothing if not a persistent asshole, I still published the link without taking their advice into account. As a result, I had my first (of many) Lulu link and account suspended in under 24 hours, and the crusade began.

I released hard copies for 5 other of my stories since then: Heart’s on Fire, Parachutes, Darkest Roads, Glory Hallelujah and the Suptober 2020 collection.

When I was still printing directly through Lulu, and even when people had to go through me first to get the link, it always ended up getting reported at one point or another. Because I’m a petty-ass bitch, I always got it back up, but what about those who didn’t have my thick skin? What about those with no support?

It continued to happen, to me and other writers ( @castielslostwings and Tricia_16 both fell to the same games, @malmuses had to resolve to only make their fics available through files that people would print through Lulu themselves, which is what most authors nowadays have been doing). Robin (Castielslostwings) ended up being reported even after she put the links to her story behind a paywall (people couldn’t access it until they got a basic ko-fi membership to access her discord server and the room with the link). That’s part of the reason why I opened my own website: to be able to control who got the books, and prevent people from shutting down my professional account with a printing service I use for work.

We reached another high in this story when the same group managed to report my entire website on the basis that I was using Warner Bros. and CW property. That was about six months ago, and again, because I have thick skin, a great support system and pettiness coursing through my veins, I got it back up.

We reached another high this week, when their group managed to get the AO3 Police and Abuse committee to take down my two most popular stories: ‘Patient Love’ and ‘Parachutes’. I have appealed this decision and meticulously reviewed both stories several times to make sure I don’t have even a sprinkle left that they can use against me. Still, the AO3 Police and Abuse committee has threatened to plain and simply delete the stories even though I complied with their demands, which is when I decided that I had enough of protecting the bully’s name even.

You can see screenshots and hear more about this part of the story here.

We’ve known who’s been behind this for years. The same name was given to me two years ago at the very start. Winjennster got her first hard copy of Painted Angels reported by the same person. Ltleflrt has been under the fire of a nasty hate campaign led by this very same person years ago for distributing hard copies of her stories. Nickelkeep is the first one who told me her name, and they’ve had the same issues with AO3 to the point where they had to actually wait several months until AO3 allowed them to post again and unlocked several of  their stories.

The name of that person, a fellow beloved writer of the Destiel community, is Palominopup.

Now let’s keep one thing clear: this group may pretend that they’re nobly defending the IP rights of Warner Bros., a multi-million dollar corporation with lawyers who make $800-$1000+ an hour, but the real reason is elsewhere; it starts with ego and ends with assholery.

This specific behavior should be a call for action to everyone who supports fanfic and writers; our fics are made for your own enjoyment, for fun. If this behavior keeps getting normalized, and more fics get reported because of targeted harassment like this, writers will simply cease sharing their new work with you.

Robin aka @caslostwings shared a thread about this that’s an important read relating to the situation.

Now, you may be asking “well what’s all this without proof”. Anyone can accuse anyone, with no proof to see, who are you supposed to believe? I’d counteract that when +10 different writers that don’t necessarily interact with each other on a weekly basis all have the same name for the person who’s been doing this for years that’s enough evidence, but I digress.

We were able to get our hands on the nifty documents that Fran aka Palominopup and her friend Susan have drafted several years ago for their little group of bullies. It’s basically a “how to” guide to report Lulu links to printed fic copies, and to report any fics to AO3 for a myriad of reasons.

Access to the doc here.

Censored inside source to prove that the doc is actually legit: click here.

Now that all the proofs are here, let me riddle you this: how ill and self-loathing do you have to be to make a complete ‘How-To’ guide on how to effectively implode another creator’s work? What’s the reason to do this other than ruining other people’s happiness and enjoyment?

What’s going to happen now is simple; this doc is going to get into the hands of antis who already have a grudge against us and will abuse it thoroughly and entirely. Expect more stories to come down, more authors to be disgusted and driven away from sharing their writing because of this.

Which brings me to the second point; this is exactly how you get beloved and well-established authors to stop writing and sharing their work entirely. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if Patient Love and Parachutes end up being deleted by AO3, they will not get back up.

If you thought Palominopup’s nastiness stopped at reporting her fellow destiel writers, think again. The outright toxicity that stems from this convo between Nickel and their friend over the fear of having to deal with Fran’s sleaziness & vile behavior should be your last proof.

Nickelkeep’s source threatening them because Fran (Palominopup) is a tyrant and now this is ‘all over twitter’: click here.

To finish this: I have NOTHING to gain from telling everyone who’s been doing this.

Palominopup doing this shit has been known FOR YEARS and we all kept it shut because surely another Destiel writer couldn’t be behind all this abuse brought on multiple different beloved writers.

This isn’t me launching a vendetta on someone I don’t even read/know/interacted with before.

This is multiple different Destiel authors having had the same knowledge about her over the years and finally being fed up with it enough to say “I’m not protecting the name of the bully who’s been terrorizing authors for YEARS anymore”.

I’m not standing down anymore. I’m not letting this happen to more writers.

At some point, karma’s gotta work. Something’s gotta give.

Since last night and us collectively deciding to not protect her name anymore, our buddy Palominopup has been losing her mind and accusing several people who are not in her little bully group of leaking things, has managed to try and construct a story that somehow involves me being wanted by the FBI and Interpol (really?!), so let me finish by saying this:

Fran, honey, you made your own bed, it’s your own funeral. If you have to worry about something “getting out” and desperately try to find a guilty party, maybe it wasn’t meant to even exist in the first place. When you cause that much trouble you’re bound to receive it tripled down the line.

You are the problem. You reap what you sow, etc.

I’ve been made aware of people wanting to flood her fic comments with nasty shit: please don’t. We’re better than this. We’re not bullies. We don’t stoop down to their level. The best response is ignorance. Don’t read her shit. Don’t rec it. I hope people forget she even exists.

Know what you should do instead? Buy some kickass books. Support your local fanfic writers by reading their works, rec’ing them, tipping your favorite authors, or leaving comments on their work.

I have been in contact with the AO3 Abuse & Policy committee and they have been made aware of the existence of this document and what it means in regards to the use of their website. They are looking into it.

If you’ve made it to the end, here are your gifts:

Here’s a master list of fic books available. Be aware that some authors have taken the decision to not share theirs anymore because of Fran’s and her group’s behavior, so if they don’t respond to their DM.

The code “PALOMINOPUP” gets you 10% off your order on my website (because I’m made of pettiness and who’s going to stop me at this point? We’ve already hit rock bottom.)

I’m gonna end this by tagging some fellow fanfic writers to try and signal boost this as much as I can. Since it’s “one of our own” doing this to our own writers, I feel it’s important that people know about this as much as possible.

Be good to one another.

Love, always,

Jus aka chaoticdean.

— fellow writer taglist under the cut —

Keep reading

[winjennster]

I will add to this that my lulu got shut down THREE times before I gave up and also if I have stories you like, download them because I am seriously considering deleting my AO3 and I assure I will not be orphaning my fics.

[7faerielights]

I have of course downloaded everything Jenn has ever posted on ao3 because she is my all time favorite fanfic author. If you haven’t read her stories you should download them now. This is what I’m talking about people. We are LUCKY MOTHERFUCKERS to have talent like Jenn, and Jus, and Robin and Carrie write stories for us. And instead of getting kudos and love they get fucking Fran and her little shitty vendetta. Hot bullshit, my friends. Hot, hot fucking bullshit

[7faerielights]

I spent a lot of the first few episodes screeching and hollering about how like Mary Dean is but I think this episode highlighted how like John Sam is. That low boil anger is Sam to a tee as is the idea that he can squash all his issues down and destroy them by saving others. The idea that he can purify himself that way. It’s really interesting to watch John become the John we know and realize that in many ways Sam could very easily have taken that same path.

[mostlyawake13]

And the reason he doesn’t... is Dean. Dean makes the difference. Shall we talk about Mystery Spot?

[7faerielights]

Bingo. Dean definitely makes the difference. Dean did his very best to keep Sam from falling into that darkness. There’s a real heavy anger that lives inside Sam. We only see it on rare occasions but it’s real and dangerous and dark. He gets more of a handle on it as he gets older but it’s still there.

[chaoticdean]

You reap what you sow, etc etc.

Bouncing off this post by @ltleflrt, and because most of this has been happening over the bird app, I think it’s relatively essential to cross-post this to Tumblr so that the Destiel community knows about it.

Strap in and get your popcorn ready. Here’s what’s been happening.

Technically, printing fanfic is illegal. But on that same basis, so is fanart and by extension, it’s as illegal to profit from fanart than it is to profit from words. That means every single one of our beloved fan artists are illegally selling their works through their website, Etsy, or RedBubble.

This is not to say you should stop supporting your artists, this is meant to say: this is common ground and if you’re actively against printed fanfic because ‘someone’ (being the printing site, the author or anyone else) is profiting from it, then I strongly advice you close your ao3 account (because the OTW doesn’t profit from the website but the company that’s providing the server is), stop any and all purchase of fanart and stop reading anything altogether.

Now, onto the story.

Two years ago or so, I released my very first hard copy. I had intended to only do one for myself, because I’m a sucker for books (it’s in my literal job description), and this story is important enough to me that I wanted to be able to hold it in my hands. When I talked about creating a book in my latest chapter’s notes on AO3, everyone was weirdly excited. To my greatest surprise, people actually seemed to want their own copy.

After a couple of research, some professional help (as I said, it’s in my job description), and I discovered the Lulu website, which allows you to print books in very little quantities at a more than reasonable price considering the cost of paper these days. Once I was done with the story and had prepared the correct files for the book, I told people I’d be releasing the link after I was done publishing the story on AO3.

Almost immediately after this, two different writers reached out to me and told me the same thing: “Don’t release the link publicly. There’s someone who takes joy in reporting anyone who makes a printed copy of their fanwork available and shut them down immediately. They’re gonna do to you what they do to me.”

Those two writers are prolific Destiel creator @nickelkeep, and @winjennster who wrote one of my favorite fic of all times, “Painted Angels”.

At the time, because I’m nothing if not a persistent asshole, I still published the link without taking their advice into account. As a result, I had my first (of many) Lulu link and account suspended in under 24 hours, and the crusade began.

I released hard copies for 5 other of my stories since then: Heart’s on Fire, Parachutes, Darkest Roads, Glory Hallelujah and the Suptober 2020 collection.

When I was still printing directly through Lulu, and even when people had to go through me first to get the link, it always ended up getting reported at one point or another. Because I’m a petty-ass bitch, I always got it back up, but what about those who didn’t have my thick skin? What about those with no support?

It continued to happen, to me and other writers ( @castielslostwings and Tricia_16 both fell to the same games, @malmuses had to resolve to only make their fics available through files that people would print through Lulu themselves, which is what most authors nowadays have been doing). Robin (Castielslostwings) ended up being reported even after she put the links to her story behind a paywall (people couldn’t access it until they got a basic ko-fi membership to access her discord server and the room with the link). That’s part of the reason why I opened my own website: to be able to control who got the books, and prevent people from shutting down my professional account with a printing service I use for work.

We reached another high in this story when the same group managed to report my entire website on the basis that I was using Warner Bros. and CW property. That was about six months ago, and again, because I have thick skin, a great support system and pettiness coursing through my veins, I got it back up.

We reached another high this week, when their group managed to get the AO3 Police and Abuse committee to take down my two most popular stories: ‘Patient Love’ and ‘Parachutes’. I have appealed this decision and meticulously reviewed both stories several times to make sure I don’t have even a sprinkle left that they can use against me. Still, the AO3 Police and Abuse committee has threatened to plain and simply delete the stories even though I complied with their demands, which is when I decided that I had enough of protecting the bully’s name even.

You can see screenshots and hear more about this part of the story here.

We’ve known who’s been behind this for years. The same name was given to me two years ago at the very start. Winjennster got her first hard copy of Painted Angels reported by the same person. Ltleflrt has been under the fire of a nasty hate campaign led by this very same person years ago for distributing hard copies of her stories. Nickelkeep is the first one who told me her name, and they’ve had the same issues with AO3 to the point where they had to actually wait several months until AO3 allowed them to post again and unlocked several of  their stories.

The name of that person, a fellow beloved writer of the Destiel community, is Palominopup.

Now let’s keep one thing clear: this group may pretend that they’re nobly defending the IP rights of Warner Bros., a multi-million dollar corporation with lawyers who make $800-$1000+ an hour, but the real reason is elsewhere; it starts with ego and ends with assholery.

This specific behavior should be a call for action to everyone who supports fanfic and writers; our fics are made for your own enjoyment, for fun. If this behavior keeps getting normalized, and more fics get reported because of targeted harassment like this, writers will simply cease sharing their new work with you.

Robin aka @caslostwings shared a thread about this that’s an important read relating to the situation.

Now, you may be asking “well what’s all this without proof”. Anyone can accuse anyone, with no proof to see, who are you supposed to believe? I’d counteract that when +10 different writers that don’t necessarily interact with each other on a weekly basis all have the same name for the person who’s been doing this for years that’s enough evidence, but I digress.

We were able to get our hands on the nifty documents that Fran aka Palominopup and her friend Susan have drafted several years ago for their little group of bullies. It’s basically a “how to” guide to report Lulu links to printed fic copies, and to report any fics to AO3 for a myriad of reasons.

Access to the doc here.

Censored inside source to prove that the doc is actually legit: click here.

Now that all the proofs are here, let me riddle you this: how ill and self-loathing do you have to be to make a complete ‘How-To’ guide on how to effectively implode another creator’s work? What’s the reason to do this other than ruining other people’s happiness and enjoyment?

What’s going to happen now is simple; this doc is going to get into the hands of antis who already have a grudge against us and will abuse it thoroughly and entirely. Expect more stories to come down, more authors to be disgusted and driven away from sharing their writing because of this.

Which brings me to the second point; this is exactly how you get beloved and well-established authors to stop writing and sharing their work entirely. I can say without a shadow of a doubt that if Patient Love and Parachutes end up being deleted by AO3, they will not get back up.

If you thought Palominopup’s nastiness stopped at reporting her fellow destiel writers, think again. The outright toxicity that stems from this convo between Nickel and their friend over the fear of having to deal with Fran’s sleaziness & vile behavior should be your last proof.

Nickelkeep’s source threatening them because Fran (Palominopup) is a tyrant and now this is ‘all over twitter’: click here.

To finish this: I have NOTHING to gain from telling everyone who’s been doing this.

Palominopup doing this shit has been known FOR YEARS and we all kept it shut because surely another Destiel writer couldn’t be behind all this abuse brought on multiple different beloved writers.

This isn’t me launching a vendetta on someone I don’t even read/know/interacted with before.

This is multiple different Destiel authors having had the same knowledge about her over the years and finally being fed up with it enough to say “I’m not protecting the name of the bully who’s been terrorizing authors for YEARS anymore”.

I’m not standing down anymore. I’m not letting this happen to more writers.

At some point, karma’s gotta work. Something’s gotta give.

Since last night and us collectively deciding to not protect her name anymore, our buddy Palominopup has been losing her mind and accusing several people who are not in her little bully group of leaking things, has managed to try and construct a story that somehow involves me being wanted by the FBI and Interpol (really?!), so let me finish by saying this:

Fran, honey, you made your own bed, it’s your own funeral. If you have to worry about something “getting out” and desperately try to find a guilty party, maybe it wasn’t meant to even exist in the first place. When you cause that much trouble you’re bound to receive it tripled down the line.

You are the problem. You reap what you sow, etc.

I’ve been made aware of people wanting to flood her fic comments with nasty shit: please don’t. We’re better than this. We’re not bullies. We don’t stoop down to their level. The best response is ignorance. Don’t read her shit. Don’t rec it. I hope people forget she even exists.

Know what you should do instead? Buy some kickass books. Support your local fanfic writers by reading their works, rec’ing them, tipping your favorite authors, or leaving comments on their work.

I have been in contact with the AO3 Abuse & Policy committee and they have been made aware of the existence of this document and what it means in regards to the use of their website. They are looking into it.

If you’ve made it to the end, here are your gifts:

Here’s a master list of fic books available. Be aware that some authors have taken the decision to not share theirs anymore because of Fran’s and her group’s behavior, so if they don’t respond to their DM.

The code “PALOMINOPUP” gets you 10% off your order on my website (because I’m made of pettiness and who’s going to stop me at this point? We’ve already hit rock bottom.)

I’m gonna end this by tagging some fellow fanfic writers to try and signal boost this as much as I can. Since it’s “one of our own” doing this to our own writers, I feel it’s important that people know about this as much as possible.

Be good to one another.

Love, always,

Jus aka chaoticdean.

— fellow writer taglist under the cut —

Keep reading

[7faerielights]

Listen y’all boost the hell out of this because this is some of the most spiteful, hateful selfish bullshit ever. Fran can fuck all the way off. I’ve blocked her on ao3 and will block her on any site we’re both on. Y’all we are supposed to fucking SUPPORT each other not tear each other apart. We are teeny tiny fishies in this giant motherfucking pond called life and we are supposed to swim together not leave each other out here to get eaten by motherfucking sharks.

[ltleflrt]

This whole backlash against printing fics irks the fuck out of me, and I got some shit to say about it. Mostly "Fuck You" but here's some nuance:

On the surface, I understand where the naysayers are coming from. It's a legitimate fear that making a profit from fanworks will bring down the C&D Hammer on fandom. I get that. Do not put on the One Ring, or you'll risk the Eye of Sauron.

But here's the thing. Fuck capitalism. Fuck digital only. We're living in the digital dark ages, and 100 years from now huge swathes of our history, fact and fiction, will be lost to our descendants because there will be no physical copies of our lives for them to find in old libraries and boxes in the attic, etc.

Creators deserve physical copies of their creations, and so do the other people in the world who love them.

I don't want to profit from letting people print my fics. That's why I use Lulu, since they have an option to set zero profit and make the links hidden so only fans in the know can get a copy. Other printing sites I've looked at in the past don't have those options. In fact, the first time I ever even thought about printing one of my stories was when I won NaNo for the first time and one of the prizes was a coupon for 3 free printings of your story. HELL YEAH, that's a copy for me, a copy for my beta, and a copy for the artist who made the cover for me. Perfect! But I ended up not using that coupon, because the site required I set a profit margin, and did not have an option to make it private. Ummm, no thanks. Not worth the risk. And even though the profit margin could be set as low as ten cents, I did not want to make ANY money from my fic, because I know that would be breaking Fair Use rules. I found Lulu instead, and decided to let other people get copies too, because I'm nice. And if I don't, it's not like I can stop them from doing it themselves, no matter how much I'd rather they not do that.

But that's not good enough for the Reporting Trolls. Their argument is that it's not possible for it to be completely profit free, since Lulu makes a profit on the printing costs and the shipping carriers make a profit off the shipping costs. Someone is making a profit, and that's unacceptable, even if that someone is not Me, The Person Who Made The Printing and Shipping Worth Paying For.

I would like anyone who thinks that to delete your accounts where you read fanfiction. AO3, Wattpad, FFNet, LJ, Dreamwidth, hell even Tumblr for the short ficlet stuff that only gets posted here. Because even if the website it self isn't profiting, (AO3 for example), the companies that sold them their server hardware made a profit. Since utilities are privatized, the electric company that runs those servers are making a profit. IF YOU PRINT IT ON YOUR PRINTER AND PUT IT IN A 3 RING BINDER, the paper, printer, and ink manufacturers made a profit from your dinky little print out. The companies that build all the parts for your computer or your smartphone made a profit on your portal to the internet, who profits from your monthly subscription, just like your electric company profits from the power it takes to run your pc or charge your phone battery. IT'S A SLIPPERY FUCKING SLOPE, AND YOU NEED TO LEARN WHEN TO BACK AWAY FROM THE LEDGE.

We live in a Capitalist Hellscape, and if a company could figure out how to charge you to breathe and for every single beat of your heart, they'd fucking do it. So get off your goddamn high horses with this "wELL SoMEonE iS makINg PrOFit" bullshit. Or if you truly believe that, shut off every account you own, turn off your utilities, and go live in the woods and make up your own goddamn stories, which you can only share orally to the local wildlife. They give kudos by biting you and giving you rabies.

(not to mention; these assholes don't go after fanartists who are ABSOLUTELY making a profit off their work. but noooo, Flirty can't format a fic for print and allow other people to pay for the printing service and shipping, while never seeing a penny of that herself, despite all of the GODDAMN WORK I HAVE PUT INTO IT, WRITING IT IN THE FIRST PLACE INCLUDED FUCK YOU VERY MUCH. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufuckyoufucky--)

[7faerielights]

I spent a lot of the first few episodes screeching and hollering about how like Mary Dean is but I think this episode highlighted how like John Sam is. That low boil anger is Sam to a tee as is the idea that he can squash all his issues down and destroy them by saving others. The idea that he can purify himself that way. It’s really interesting to watch John become the John we know and realize that in many ways Sam could very easily have taken that same path.

[7faerielights]

Oh god this is traumatizing to watch knowing how it all ends

[7faerielights]

If this isn’t some real foreshadowing here, I don’t know what is. The decisions we make will always come back to find us. Mary will learn that lesson hard.

[7faerielights]

I was right about Lata having a steel spine. She’s amazing

[7faerielights]

“All I’ve ever known are clenched fists. Courtesy of my father.” Do I even need say it again?

[7faerielights]

Tall, dark, and angry is the best description of John Winchester ever.