AU where Mr. D claiming to be Percy’s dad accidentally counts as Claiming according to Greek god law or whatever and now all the other gods legitimacy believe Percy is his son, but if Mr. D corrects it, he has to explain to Zeus why he pretended he was Percy’s dad so now he’s like “YEP ol’ Perry Johansson is MY child wowie just look at the little fry, you have your mother’s eyes. Please stop standing next to water or you will blow my cover”
Meanwhile Poseidon is just standing off to the side like “how on earth did I dodge THAT bullet”
criminal to keep this in the tags
*puts on tinfoil hat* Okay but The more I think of it, the more I think Mr D could totally pull it off
Dionysus is mainly the god of wine, insanity, and theatre, right? And yeah, Percy is underage, but you know what else he is? The physical embodiment of zero impulse control (insanity) and attitude (theatrics)
If anyone saw “father/son duo” Mr D and Percy from the outside, they wouldn’t bat an eye.
Camper 1: omg did you hear that new guy is Mr D’s kid?
Camper 2: Makes sense. He was crazy to take on a Minotaur himself. Of course his dad’s a maniac too
Smash cut to Percy in the big house bribing Literal God Dionysus with a bottle of wine so he can get out of archery practice.
Imagine Mr D pretending to be a good dad so his “son” will keep giving him wine without tipping off Zeus. Imagine Percy taking complete advantage of it and making his “dad” play Monopoly with him so he can get the upper hand at his new camp.
Percy: You missed twelve years of my life, dad :/ The least you can do is hang out with me now, right now, when I’m supposed to be helping with chores, no correlation of course
Mr D: Ummm I don’t think I raised a lazy demigod, son :/ I’m a bit disappointed in you
Percy: You didn’t raise anyone. Do you want the pinot grigio or not?
Chiron and Grover are watching from the sidelines like it’s a tennis match, fully aware this is all a lie while their respective BFFs commit psychological warfare on one another. (At some point, both of them question if Percy and Mr D are actually related.)
BOTH secretly couldn’t give two shits about the other, BOTH accidentally grow fond of each other anyway. Mr D eventually sees him as a son, and Percy eventually accepts him as a weird father/uncle figure even after he learns the truth. Mr D pretends he’s sick of Percy but shows obvious favoritism just like with his other kids. Percy “hates” Mr D but secretly gives him extra offerings when he looks tired on some days. Poseidon is just in the background wondering wtf is happening
This AU has me in a chokehold okay??
