if you're not recovering, you're dying.

| charlie | 23 | he/him | | ACT specialist wannabe | 🌻trying to recover🌻 TAPESTRY GANG 2019 (7.29-9.15)

[lelif]

on survival

-// @aridante // @orivu // @buzzkillgirls // ? // ? // richard siken// @cemeterything // moomin, tove jansson// @disenchanted-killjoy // isn't that enough, shawn mendes// @ prettytheyswag on twitter// @ coletyumuch on twitter// ? // ? // bird by bird, anne lamott// undertale// @strawberrycircuits

[minmos]

im gonna put the actual meat of the post in a reblog so i can properly tag it, hold up

[minmos]

if you are struggling rn:

ASCA (Adult Survivors of Child Abuse) provides group meetings for adult victims both in-person and online, along with their own list of resources for child abuse victims

HAVOCA (Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse) is a similar organization with a forum for survivors, support groups for victims, and resources to find a therapist

stop the silence is a department of the institute on violence, abuse, and trauma providing specialized programs related to CSA. they help fund training for professionals and trauma therapy. they take donations to help further their work.

psychology today has an online database of therapists, psychiatrists, and support groups within the US. you are able to filter by treatment modalities, what they specialize in, what insurance they take, etc.

RAINN has a phone, text, whatsapp, and online hotline for victims of rape, incest, and abuse. services are available in english and spanish.

FORGE has a free PDF of resources for trans victims of sexual violence

take it down is a service offered by the national center for missing and exploited children that helps victims of CSEM take down sexually explicit content of themselves produced before they were 18. stop NCII is a similar resource for adults.

the statute of limitations tracker is a free resource for CSA victims within the US who are seeking legal or civil help for their abuse

[toastyglow]

I think one of the best things I learned from my last therapist was the idea that when there's a box in your mind you need to open, you don't have to open it all the way on the first try.

what I mean is that she said "you didn't deserve <bad thing that happened to you>" and I said, "I feel like I know that intellectually, but I don't really believe it deep down". and she said, "do you think you can try to believe it just a little bit, as an experiment?" and I started crying lmao

trying to change a core belief entirely all at once is scary, especially when it exists as a protective measure. try giving yourself a cheeky bit of plausible deniability! you're just dipping your toes in the water of self-esteem, you're just having a little wade! you don't have to go swimming right away, and you can always step out if you want. (but the longer you spend in the water, the more you start to understand you're actually safe there...hm, who could have predicted this...)

so that's my advice: if there's something real and true you can't seem to believe, take some time to try and really believe it just a little bit, even if you're only pretending at first. climb the staircase one step at a time instead of trying to put one foot all the way at the top!

[toboldlynerd]

[storybookprincess]

changing my mindset from “if I don’t keep my home clean i’m a useless horrible failure” to “i deserve to live in a comfortable, clean environment, so i will do my best to provide myself with that” has been fairly life changing

and it applies to so much!!!! i try to take whatever i’m beating myself up over, like “i haven’t been eating enough veggies lately so i suck as a human,” and instead reframe it as “my body deserves all the important nutrients found in vegetables” and suddenly i’m ten billion times more inclined to actually prioritize eating more veggies

shame is a paralytic!!!!! self compassion is an actual motivator!!!!!

[polyamorousmisanthrope]

You are SOOO right.

I think we misunderstand the appropriate USE of shame. Shame is meant to STOP you from doing something --- hitting someone, stealing, losing your shit and screaming at the vulnerable.

Shame canNOT motivate you to DO something. That's not what it is FOR.

[kaity--did]

It's the internet's millennial mom back here again with an extremely unpopular opinion that I need you all to internalize:

There are no food rules, ESPECIALLY when you're just feeding yourself.

The internet (and specifically TikTok, Pinterest, etc) has become obsessed with beautifully plated meals that follow certain conventions. It's all bullshit.

Crack your pasta in half before you put in the pot. Put BBQ sauce on your salad. Do whatever the hell you need to do to get nutrients into your body. The only rule is you need to eat.

[murraysiskind-deactivated202511]

It’s so crazy that suicide prevention is just people going awwww don’t!! Awwww come on noooooooooo stopppppp

[allhailklisz]

[auroranibley]

I am trained as a death doula and one of my colleagues/mentors has talked with me about clients expressing suicidal ideation (these are often people dealing with terminal illnesses but not always).

She never tried to talk them out of it. Instead she would offer support, and sympathy, and told them that whatever they wanted to do, it was important to take care of their admin work first.

Did they have all their documents in order? Were they ready to close out all their bank and credit and streaming accounts? We advise everyone to keep a file of all their passwords in case the worst happens unexpectedly and someone else needs to close your accounts, but if you have a plan it's only right to take care of all of that yourself first. She would ask them how many letters they wanted to write to people they would be leaving behind, and whether they had talked with their family about taking care of their pets/children/car.

Some people didn't even have much to do, but everyone has something. And getting started on it didn't really change their minds about wanting to die, but it gave them something to do until the feeling passed.

Full disclosure.... this advice has worked for me. On the day of my life when I woke up completely ready to leave and not come back, I decided I had to scrub my toilet first, because I didn't want to make someone else scrub my dirty toilet after I was gone. By the time the toilet was clean, I was ready to take a nap. And I still felt bad when I woke up, but not bad enough to check out.

So do what you feel like you need to do, but make sure your admin is in order first.

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[homunculus-argument]

Imagine if getting core mental trauma was somehow audible or visible. Like you're already having a bad day and you're trying to wrangle two toddlers and a bag of groceries and work was ass and then you hear the sound of something shattering and you just know that one of your kids' emotional core and sense of basic safety just fucking broke and you can't even tell which one it was.

[istra-ish-sucha-geek]

Trauma isn’t an event; it’s what happens internally during and after.

Even if a kid experiences a traumatic event (a “shock trauma”), like a car crash, with appropriate parental, community, and sometimes professional, help and care, healing can happen, OR trauma won’t occur in the first place.

I’m working with a car crash kiddo, and they definitely have acute stress symptoms. But they’re getting help; they have supportive parents; they’re most likely going to be fine, and the car crash will be an event that happened in their life, not a trauma that continues to impact them.

My nephew (2) has had several invasive and corrective surgeries, as well as uncomfortable medical devices, and SO MUCH physical therapy. His mom, who HAS medical trauma, has been so worried that he will end up with trauma. The key difference is he has supportive, emotionally connected parents, and this kid is COMPLETELY FINE. Zero trauma. He’s even more emotionally resilient and self controlled than his older cousins who do NOT have parents who have been to therapy.

My own life experience is filled with trauma, EXCEPT, the one time I went through what should have been a traumatic event, but I had an emotionally supportive caretaker present (Grandma). It literallt did not occur to me until THIRTY YEARS LATER that my mom having cancer surgery RIGHT after my brother was born, and her being gone for several days, WHILE my dad (who had lost his first wife TO cancer, so he was a *wreck*) that the event SHOULD HAVE BEEN TRAUMATIC. But because Grandma was there, providing routine, attention, and emotional stability, I was just having fun!

Being scared or experiencing a life threatening event or even chronic stress is not inherently traumatizing; it’s if you have the support you need around you to cope and come back to nervous system regulation of safety and connection.

[homunculus-argument]

It's kind of bleakly funny to discover in hindsight that it's not even the bad shit that happened to you that actually fucks you up, it was that the bad shit happened and the adults who knew didn't care.

[ofdirtandbones]

Listen. You ARE nature. You’re an entire ecosystem. Your flesh sculpted from the dirt. Your blood brewed from rain water. Thousands of creatures living inside of you, on your skin, who wouldn’t be alive without you just like you wouldn’t be either without them. You are born from the forest and the sea. Be kind to yourself.

[glasspostings]

while you were attending therapy i was studying the blade

[glasspostings]

what do you mean i need better coping mechanisms

[dancinbutterfly]

>a wild therapist has entered the chat you need an additional coping mechanism studying the blade is a DBT principle called Building Mastery - wherein you engage in anything that is practical during which you gain skill and can actively see yourself progress - which is resilience building technique by which you shore yourself against vulnerability factors that make it harder to regulate emotions and manage activities of daily life and interpersonal interactions effectively. if you continue to study the blade while engaging in therapy, it will in fact make your therapeutic session more effective because having a skill that you pursue builds self-esteem and is a foundation upon which other coping skills can be built. so not better coping skills, blademaster, additional ones. you are already heading in the right direction and you have proven you have the tenacity to apply yourself to one discipline. now show us what you can do when applying yourself to your healing.

[dancinbutterfly]

#bro u don’t understand I was teaching building mastery the other day in group and seeing this hit me like a train#this caught me so off guard#lmao

That is so the point bestie <3

[keplercryptids]

i don't actually give a fuck whether fatness is an indicator of health because health shouldn't indicate a moral high ground. being healthy isn't some pinnacle of human achievement, it's not morally superior. and being unhealthy isn't a moral failing and shouldn't mean you're less worthy of kindness, justice, and a good life. signed, a chronically ill person who will never be "healthy" at any weight.

[geekdawson]

one of the more valuable things I’ve learned in life as a survivor of a mentally unstable parent is that it is likely that no one has thought through it as much as you have. 

no, your friend probably has not noticed they cut you off four times in this conversation. 

no, your brother didn’t realize his music was that loud while you were studying. 

no, your bff or S.O. doesn’t remember that you’re on a tight deadline right now.

no, no one else is paying attention to the four power dynamics at play in your friend group right now.  

a habit of abused kids, especially kids with unstable parents, is the tendency to notice every little detail. We magnify small nuances into major things, largely because small nuances quickly became breaking points for parents. Managing moods, reading the room, perceiving danger in the order of words, the shift of body weight….it’s all a natural outgrowth of trying to manage unstable parents from a young age. 

Here’s the thing: most people don’t do that. I’m not saying everyone else is oblivious, I’m saying the over analysis of minor nuances is a habit of abuse. 

I have a rule: I do not respond to subtext. This includes guilt tripping, silent treatments, passive aggressive behavior, etc. I see it. I notice it. I even sometimes have to analyze it and take a deep breath and CHOOSE not to respond. Because whether it’s really there or just me over-reading things that actually don’t mean anything, the habit of lending credence to the part of me that sees danger in the wrong shift of body weight…that’s toxic for me. And dangerous to my relationships. 

The best thing I ever did for myself and my relationships was insist upon frank communication and a categorical denial of subtext. For some people this is a moral stance. For survivors of mentally unstable parents this is a requirement of recovery. 

[sociallyanxiousdragon]

This post has helped me so much I’m glad I’ve come across it again

It has honestly saved some of my relationships and it could have saved others if I had taken it to heart earlier

It’s how I approach all new relationships, and I’ll state this outright to be clear

I can’t stop myself from overanalyzing initially, but I have regularly stopped myself from obsessing over or acting on my overanalyzing

Thank you so much for making this post

[ashstfu]

warsan shire

[anxeious]

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

i used to have no hope for the future but now i'm thinking. i want rich people food. i want rare sirloin steak. i've never had sirloin steak in my life. i think i want to try it before i die.

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

i want to get some tattoos. i want to learn how to play drums. i want to go back to the ocean. i want to land a heelflip. i want to benchpress with big plates.

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

it crept up on me but i want i want i want i want to live. i want to live

[dont-look-me-in-the-eye]

do you understand? i am living this life for the first time. nobody has seen the world through my eyes. i am alive. i want to feel the dry warmth of the sun in my bones. i want to breathe, again and again and again. maybe even forever.

do you understand? this world is a disgusting place forsaken by the one above and yet. it is beautiful. i want to live.

[sesamie]

learning that addiction is a progressive narrowing of the range of things that make one happy was kinda life changing for me. i apply it to everything not even just addiction i am always checking to ask if i am narrowing my range of happiness or widening it

[argumate]

always good to check whether your coping strategy has become something that needs its own coping strategies