Kelkelbear

[kelkelbear]

This week's Fanart Friday offering is a vibrant (and also LINE corrected) Meow Wow from Dream Drop Distance. I am absolutely smitten with the dream eaters and the game itself! It's a simple one this week because it was just too hot to spend too long drawing something. I got my paper sorted, but i really need to get my markers sorted too... #kingdomhearts #dreameater #meowwow #art #traditionalart #fanart #gaming #videogames #52weeksoffanart #fff #tweet

[kelkelbear]

This week's Fanart Friday is Neku Sakuraba from The World Ends with You/すばらしきこの世界 to celebrate the announcement of Final Remix coming to Switch :D I had a lot of fun with this (Tetsuya Nomura's angular phase produced some great street style art), but it's definitely not perfect. Neku's hands are disproportionate and I was unhappy with the way the colouring came out originally so I had to digitize it to salvage it. It taught me 2 things above all else: my markers are cheap, and my paper is even cheaper. Paper is an easy fix. Pens I hope to fix soon. #theworldendswithyou #neku #nekusakuraba #squareenix #art #traditionalart #fanart #gaming #videogames #52weeksoffanart #fff #すばらしきこの世界 #tweet

[kelkelbear]

This year I set myself the challenge of doing one piece of fan art every week to try and challenge myself and get back in to drawing. I'm calling it: 52 weeks of fanart fridays (FFF for short) I may have been a bit ambitious for my first piece, but I really wanted to draw Queen from Persona 5. I used official art as a reference, but the proportions and positioning are a bit off. The colours i used are a bit vibrant as well. Despite all that, I'm still happy with how it turned out. #persona5 #persona #makotoniijima #queen #art #fanart #gaming #videogames #52weeksoffanart #fff

[kelkelbear]

My eulogy for Chester

When I saw the news about Chester yesterday, I didn't really know how to feel. I grew distant from Linkin Park for a while, but Meteora was a very important album to me in my formative years. From the age of 13 for the rest of my high school life, this album helped ease a lot of pain and confusion. Whether it was best friends moving schools or trying (and failing) to understand how they felt discovering demons that still plague them today or helping me deal with parental complexes that I still carry today (a father i was constantly being compared to and a mother who was never there despite her wishes to be) this album helped me feel a little less alone, and gave me the strength to find my own voice and remind people that I am me and nobody else. I feel now as though the voice of my rebellious teenage independence has been silenced. Listening to their music, Chester's pain was never hidden as a lot of us hide our own. All we can do now is remember him through his music and hope he, and everyone who loves him can move towards peace. I don't know if he tried to get help or if he tried to convince himself everything was "fine" or he "had no reason or right to feel this way". Depression doesn't have a reason. Whether you think you "deserve it" or not, if you feel this way, PLEASE get help. You matter and I can guarantee there is someone in your life you have more of an impact on than you realise.

[kelkelbear]

To die with dignity

When someone is dying of cancer, and they are not ready to go, watching the fight and being utterly helpless to change anything is one of the worst feelings in the world.

Palliative care facilities do their best to keep your loved one as comfortable as is possible in a situation like this, and they talk to you about trying to “preserve their dignity”.

My experience is that dignity stops existing after a certain point. That person’s dignity is only preserved if you don’t talk about the things you saw while they were slipping further and further away. But if you don’t talk about it, all those horrible feelings eat away at you.

Nobody can prepare you for it. No matter what they tell you, nobody can prepare you for what actually happens. Nobody tells you how sedated the pain relief keeps them and if the person wakes up again, they may not know you’re there and they won’t be able to communicate beyond noises. Nobody tells you how hard it is once they stop being able to drink, to have to watch them slowly dehydrate. Nobody talks about the sickly sweet smell on the person’s breath as they lay there dying, their chest filling with the fluids that lead to the infamous “death rattle”. Nobody mentions the unmentionable: bowel movements or lack of, and the discomfort and total lack of dignity that the person goes through either way.

I’m talking about it. Not because this is the way I want to remember my mother. But because this was a part of her life and death that I was a part of. I couldn’t do anything for her. Nobody could except continue to try keep her comfortable and to love as unconditionally as humanly possible.

I’m talking about it because I want others to know that if they are going through this, they are not alone. They won’t tell you everything, but you need to know. Dying with dignity is a myth that is preserved only by silence

[kelkelbear]

Trips

I decided to spend my Good Friday doing a tab of acid and watching movies with my babe. I wasn't sure how it would affect me given how much my head has been swimming with thoughts of my mother's last moments on this Earth. I suppose i handled it about as well as i could be expected to. My body was involuntarily exhibiting similar behaviours to some that mum was doing while she was fighting. My hands kept making their way above my head and playing with my hair, i felt the need to keep clearing my throat and my lips kept pursing on their own. But I felt really relaxed and at peace and my mind began to wonder - and hope - that this was how she felt, and not how pained she seemed every time she drifted back to consciousness. I could feel my brain not only fighting to suppress those times I spent with her, but I could also subconsciously feel myself wishing I could go back and spend a few more moments with her, trying desperately to cling to her. I felt as though her consciousness had been joined with mine for some of that time and I had to keep reminding myself that the events in Albany really happened and that she really is gone...forever. I think my mind was just so frantic because I have no way of knowing how she felt. Whether she really was too out of it to feel pain most of the time, whether she even realised what was happening to her when she finally did leave or if she was just so relaxed at the time and was caught off guard by it. I hope she knew how much I love her, and I hope I did enough for her at the end. But there's no way I can ever know. I can only hope.

[kelkelbear]

Last week

Last week my mother lost her long battle with cancer. It feels like that time went so fast, but the time leading up to her death seemed to stretch on forever. I spent a week and a half at the hospice she was staying in helping to keep her comfortable and just...waiting for her to stop fighting the inevitable. It was horrible. The amount of love you need to pour into someone who can't consciously reciprocate but needs you regardless is so painful and exhausting. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head in regards to that time that I've basically had a headache non stop since she passed. I hope by writing about the experience and all the myriad thoughts my brain is struggling to process, I might not only come to terms with it easier and quiet this heartbreaking disbelief, but hopefully I can help someone else going through the same thing.

[kelkelbear]

This blog has been neglected for the longest amount of time. I didn't make enough time for it, but I feel like I need to now. I wasn't posting if I didn't have anything happy or fun to talk about, but that is so ingenuine of me. The bad parts of life are part of me too, and they're just as important as the good sometimes. So now, more posts. More truths.

[kelkelbear]

How do you choose a favourite Chris?

[kelkelbear]

Some of my planets in No Man's Sky. Sienna Glacis and Lavendaris ♡ This game is so beautiful. It's unlike anything I've ever played before. Well...actually it's a bit like Minecraft, but prettier. But that's okay because I love Minecraft!

[kelkelbear]

Pokémon GO: Initial thoughts

Like almost everyone else in the gaming world I am playing Pokémon GO. Being in Australia, we had access to it before anyone else in the world (beta excluded). I'm not very good at it. There aren't many Pokestops around my house and all the Pokemon are at least a few blocks walk from where I live. I've been playing almost 2 weeks and I'm still only Level 12, whereas most people I know are sitting close to or above 20. But it's okay. It doesn't bother me at all. I'm having fun just playing the game at my own pace, and I find it exciting when I find new Pokémon or reach new milestones or walk enough to hatch one of my eggs. And I'm having fun doing it all on my own terms. I've gotten hooked on the way the game makes me feel. Even when I'm not playing it, I'm engaging in conversation about it or observing other trainers hunting together, or enjoying the many (SO MANY) memes. I put just as much enjoyment into the external factors as I do into the game itself. There's certainly things about the game that need fixed (constant server issues). And there are many things that can definitely be done better and things that have become staples of the series but are as yet absent. I knows the game will get better with time,I'm just impatient.

[kelkelbear]

I got these amazing monster hunter shirts and a hoodie from Uniqlo today. So stoked with them!! Great designs at a decent price ♡

[kelkelbear]

Pokemon GO came out in Australia today. I haven't caught many Pokemon yet, but I chose Charmander as my starter (as always) Who did you choose?

[crashspyrostuff]

[kelkelbear]

I had this poster on my wall for the longest time when I was living at home. I think it was up from the age of 7 until I was 17 and moved out. I loved these games so much. Super excited to play through them again when the remastered trilogy comes out <3

[kelkelbear]

Playstation’s “Big in Japan” Sale is back!

One of my favourite sales that Playstation does occasionally; the Big in Japan sale is the best time for RPG fanatics like myself to really take advantage of how cheap digital can be.

I haven’t always been a digital convert. I LOVE collecting. But I also love cheap games, and I love availability. Yeah, it can be thrilling to pick up a rare game for a bargain price, but if the games aren’t easy to find then digital provides a fantastic alternative. I also enjoy lack of clutter, in the case of games I already own on previous generations.

There are so many fantastic games available in this sale that I couldn’t possibly list them all (I believe there’s almost 300 of them on sale on the Australian store)

It’s been a few days, and it ends on the 13th of July.

There’s so many amazing titles on offer, but some of my top recommendations are:

Final Fantasy X/X-2 HD Remaster (PS4) - $39.95

This year actually marks the 15 year anniversary of the original game’s release on PS2. I have played through this more times than I count, and despite it’s age it still looks incredible on PS4.

The soundtrack and facial animations have been revamped so it feels a little fresher, but the stories remain unchanged and charming as ever.

Incredibly cheesy at some points, but all part of the charm.

The story still has a way of tugging at the heartstrings, and there’s plenty of sidequests later on in the game to keep you going back for more.

Digimon Story Cyber Sleuth (PS4) - $29.95

If you ever wanted a Digimon game that plays like Pokemon, this is it. You can collect Digimon, evolve them, de-evolve them and then pick different evolutionary paths, and you can have multiple Digimon in your party at a time.

The story, just like in Pokemon, is nothing to write home about, but the gameplay is enjoyable, the graphics are pretty and the collection and evolution aspect of the game is super addictive.  If you grew up with Digimon and always wanted more out of the games, then this one definitely ticks all the right boxes.

DMC Definitive Edition PS4 - $19.45

Devil May Cry is also celebrating 15 years this year. When Ninja Theory rebooted this classic franchise and took it in their own direction, a lot of fans of the original series were displeased (not just because it was so different, but because DMC4 ended leaving questions unanswered). I however, loved it. 

The graphical style and the reimagining of the Devil May Cry universe in a more modern setting was very well done and had Ninja Theory’s signature touch all over it. The soundtrack is edgy and fit with the time it came out, and the time it was set in, and the gameplay flowed much better than the older, sometimes clunky system from the PS2 days. It was certainly easier than the older games which to some is a complaint, but I feel it made it more accessible to a larger audience.  I want more people to play this one, in the hopes that one day Capcom will continue in this world as well as Classic Dante’s.

Dark Cloud (PS4) - $10.45

The first Level 5 game I ever played, long before they were doing games like Yo-Kai Watch and Professor Layton. I still remember not knowing what to expect when I hired it from the video store. Originally on PS2, this classic got remastered and bought out on PS4 around this time last year.

The story started out surprisingly dark. The soundtrack is playful and gets stuck in your head. The battle system is...a little clunky, but enjoyable once you get around tending to your needs and keeping up weapon maintenance. The characters are cute and charming, it can be a little tedious to keep everyone levelled (and you need to keep everyone levelled) but overall it’s nice to have other characters to use sometimes.

The thing I loved most about this game was the world building aspect. You’re collecting pieces of the villages you go to so you can piece them all back together. You can rebuild however you wish, as long as you use the pieces you collect. You get bonuses for fulfilling the needs of the villagers and making the village better than it was before. I spent hours trying to get each village perfect so I could collect the bonus items which usually gave stat boosts.

Dark Chronicle (PS4) - $10.45

Technically a sequel to Dark Cloud (It’s called Dark Cloud 2 in some countries) but related only by series and developer, Dark Chronicle is another PS2 classic that made it’s way to PS4.

This game improves on Dark Cloud in almost every way. The battle system has been refined so you no longer lose your weapons altogether if they break. There’s now only two characters so you don’t need to put as much time into leveling everyone, though the battles are a little tougher so it can be somewhat difficult to progress at times if you don’t take the time to improve yourself. The graphics and soundtrack have been improved as well. And you can get costumes!! They’re very hard to get, but they change the appearance of your character, which at the time was the best thing to me.

The biggest improvement is the building system. There are more Atla to collect and you now have to craft each component you need before you can make anything so it really speaks to the collector and crafter in me. It allows for a lot more freedom in making things look how you want them to, and I spent even more of time time building in this game than I did in the first.

Rogue Galaxy (PS4) - $10.45

The last of the 3 in the Dark Cloud trilogy that isn’t at all related, Rogue Galaxy came out at the end of the PS2′s life cycle and made it’s way to PS4 a little while after Dark Cloud.

A little more like a traditional RPG than the other two entries as you can have multiple party members at once, even though you still only control one.

Level 5 took the story to the next level with this game. The characters all seem to have a lot more depth to them and you’re now travelling to entirely different planets, which makes all the locales look and feel completely different. Character and ability development makes you actually want to level your team. There’s still a building aspect but in a much smaller way, and it is more directly beneficial to you.

I guarantee you’ll fall in love with all three of these games instantly.

Final Fantasy XIII-2 (PS3) - $12.95

I put this one in here because it consumed me so deeply when it first came out. I wasn’t expecting anything from it at all. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get it, because it came out so soon after XIII, and while I loved XIII, I loved it retrospectively. I still decided to give it a chance, figuring I could just return it if I didn’t like it. I didn’t return it.

It felt instantly fresh and full of hope. The idea of going on an adventure through time to find Lightning and getting to make friends with monsters...I was hooked. The idea that I could eventually get Chocobos or Tonberrys to join my party!? Shit yes. The story was far more gripping than I imagined it would be and the soundtrack was just as stunning as it was for the first game. It got me excited and made me want to play more when I wasn’t playing it. I played it until there was literally nothing left I could do.

Ico/Shadow of the Colossus HD (PS3) - $14.95

Both sought after PS2 classics, it was a huge deal when these games were given the HD remaster treatment, as now they were accessible to everyone who had access to the Playstation network (and fundage)

If you’re looking forward to The Last Guardian these are the first two parts in the spiritual trilogy. They’re all separate from each other, but considered a series. 

I hope to stream both of these some time soon, so if you don’t end up buying them, keep an eye out for the stream on my channel!

Persona 4 Golden (Vita) - $8.95

If you needed a reason to own a vita, it’s this game. At $9 it’s a steal!

This game stole hours upon hours of my life. The story is dark and captivating and the gameplay builds itself around developing relationships with the characters in it. Some of these relationships have the ability to drive the narrative and shape which ending you get, and others simply help your battle stats. It can be a bit grindy in places, but the soundtrack is funky enough that you can kinda just switch off and level for a while.

It’s weird, it’s fun and it’s very Japanese. If you haven’t played any Persona games and are looking for something to give life back to your vita, then grab this! Persona as a series is celebrating 20 years in September

Okami HD (PS3) - $8.95

A much beloved PS2 classic from the now defunct Clover (most of them went on to become Platinum Games), Okami was remastered and released in HD for PS3 a couple of years ago. Okami is 10 years old this September, so why not pick it up and give it a go?

If you haven’t heard of it, Okami is one of the most beautiful games you’ll ever play, and almost always used as a talking point in the videogames as art argument. It looks like an old Japanese watercolour painting, it’s captivating story is steeped in folklore and the soundtrack is beautiful and playful, taking many notes from traditional Japanese music to give the whole game a very authentic folktale feel. It often gets likened to The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, but having a wolf as the main character is where the similarities end. This game will capture your heart, and even in difficult places you won’t be able to stay mad at it because of how beautiful it is.

All PS1 Final Fantasy games - $7.55

I don’t feel like I really need to talk about these.  Final Fantasy is a juggernaut in the RPG world. Almost all of the older games made their way on to PS1, which means they’re now available stupidly cheap.  Playable on PS3, PSP and PSVita, they all have intricate worlds and stories, interesting characters that you grow to love or hate and each one has a beautiful soundtrack, composed by the legendary Nobuo Uematsu.

Final Fantasy IX pictured because it is my all time favourite Final Fantasy <3

Vagrant Story (PS1) - $4.55

Vagrant Story is a lesser known title from RPG powerhouse, Square-Enix (Squaresoft before their merger with Enix).

This is one I’ve had sitting there to play for a while. The story is hailed as one of Square’s finest, but because it never garnered a lot of attention it never received any sequels or anything like that.

The battle system is kind of like a cross between a hack slash and a tactics game, and it can be pretty difficult at times (at least as far as I’ve played) But I’m super eager to give it another try and experience this story that is so critically acclaimed.

I will most likely stream this one too at some point.

Silent Hill (PS1) - $4.55

Another classic I need to play more of. I played for a couple of hours when I first purchased it years ago, but I am a gigantic wuss and got scared so I turned it off as soon as I died for the first time :<

I know the story in this one is incredible though, and it’s obviously what got the Silent Hill series started, so I’ll be playing through it at some point soon too.

I’ll be streaming this one also, but I’m really not good with horror titles so look out for my unreasonably terrified reactions to a 17 year old game :p

Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc (Vita) - $14.95

I only recently played through this, having borrowed it from a friend. I knew nothing about it, and actually thought it was a puzzle game based on the name and the tell-nothing cover.

What it actually is, is a visual novel style of game with an intensely messed up but intricate and fascinating story. There is a constant air of mystery surrounding the greater picture and it feels very reminiscent of the Phoenix Wright games, where a murder happens, you have to gather evidence and try to piece the story together, then figure out whodunnit.

Another game where you get to make connections with the characters  and as your relationships with them develop you can unlock more abilities to use in the “class trial” segments of the game.

Definitely worth a play if you want something with a good story and you enjoy investigative gameplay.

Bayonetta (PS3) - $7.55

Made by Platinum Games, previously mentioned as the studio founded by ex-Clover staff, Bayonetta is clearly HEAVILY influenced by Devil May Cry (in fact, Devil May Cry and Bayonetta share the same director).

The story is a classic take on the Light vs Darkness theme, but told in a new, interesting and slightly twisted kinda way. Combat is ultra stylised and fast paced, and it hits a good difficulty balance. It’s not too hard but it still provides a decent challenge. I struggled in a few places, and I’m sure on the higher difficulties it can be frustrating and rewarding.  The soundtrack is fantastically fitting. Sexy, seedy and a little twisted in places, just like the game itself.  For less than $8, this game is worth your time.

Sorcery Saga: Curse of the Great Curry God (Vita) - $8.95

My partner bought me this game for Vita on a whim, purely because we both love Japanese curry, and this looked stupid and cute.

And it is stupid and cute. VERY Japanese Anime. But also super fun, and has a good light-hearted sense of humor.  Some parts of the system can be a little frustrating if you’re not used to this style of game. Every new dungeon starts you back at level 1, and if you die, you lose everything you’re currently carrying. It isn’t all bad though. You have the ability to store excess items at your house in town, and there is a relatively easy dungeon you can keep going back to in order to recover any gear you lost when you died.

The story isn’t fantastic, but as far as RPGs go, it’s fun, cute and quirky and doesn’t require a lot of you mentally or in terms of time invested. This is another game that will happily bulk out your Vita library and give you something more to do.

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Phew, that’s my top recommendations for now. 

There are HEAPS more amazing titles on offer though, so please please please check the sale out and take advantage! This sale doesn’t happen very often!!!

[kelkelbear]

Mass Effect 3 - Garrus by patryk-garrett

One of my favourite art pieces of one of my favourite video game characters of all time. My space husband, Garrus :3

[kelkelbear]

One of my absolute favourite videogame tracks of all time, from my favourite videogame of all time: Chrono Trigger. I discovered it completely by accident back in the days of kazaa and downloading SNES emulators. I came across a Square Enix mega pack full of games that I had no way of finding or buying. All the early Final Fantasy games (numbered up to VI), a few Mana games, Mystic Quest and Chrono Trigger. The name alone intrigued me so I booted it up. As soon as I saw the character models were designed by Akira Toriyama, I was in love. I imported a legitimate Playstation 1 copy and used a modded PS1 to play it to completion. 3 times in a row over the course of a couple months. On my most recent trip I managed to obtain an original SNES copy AND the Original Soundtrack (very expensive. Very hard to find. Very worth it) This particular track always stuck with me above all others. So whimsical, so magical and so full of hope and happiness, just like the people who live in the land where this track is introduced.