I'm half as good as it gets.

"This will be our little secret. Don't tell anyone." xoxo

[kennytheramos]

we're two years apart and two years have been it seems I'm still stitching the wounds you've left open I thought that I've forsaken thought I'm past the ugly I guess I'm still stuck stuck in your bleak sphere I feel insecure for you Coz you pretend you've freed the pain while I still grapple for a memory I can never taste again after all these years your selfishness still lingers coz you keep me in a loop where you and I breathed the same air I stare at myself and say You can't keep hurting my pride I've seen enough of your colors I can't mend what I desire But I sure wish tomorrow another puff of cigarette can help me kill the switch another bottle of wine can help me soon forget

-Kennytheramos | rayin

[kennytheramos]

I felt the flush of butterflies as I stared at him deeply fixated on his book.  In a swift moment, he caught my eyes and threw the sweetest, most tempting smile. While our eyes locked, he walked towards me across the corridor, his silhouette shaping against the dim ray of the moonlight. My heart skipped a beat. I was almost at the edge of my seat, left completely enchanted by his stature. He then picked me up, gently caressed my face with his hand as I sniffed from it the sensual scent of sandalwood. We stood face to face, the heat of his chest pressing against mine as he guided my feet to the mellow sound of Ebony and Ivory .

That was the moment --- never in my wildest imagination, that I thought would ever happen nor will ever end. The moment that leaves a lump in my throat when I remember it. A rare, romantic moment worth its weight in gold.

-kennytheramos.tumblr.com

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

I'm scared to be lonely Even when I already am Though I build walls around me It is not what I desire The stronger I feel the warmth The quicker I unfurl the distance Not that it don't give me comfort But so I don't end with a scar The closer I am to touch The easier I plunge to fright If the world is haven for love Why can't men look me in the eyes I'm scared to be lonely I'm scared to feel the pain Coz when pain bursts inside me My walls crumble to the ground I'm scared to be lonely 'Coz I know things never last Sure, I am not the only one so who else thinks otherwise?

@kennytheramos || Scared

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

Love me when I'm fragile but break me when I'm too deep until your slightest sigh of rejection is the last gulp of air my throat can take. Lift me like a pillow but leave me like a rug as your promises grapple shiftlessly with lies in oblivion's pit. Kiss me with your eyes shut and pull me in like a ghost as I lose myself in the dimensions of your desolate world. Notice me like Jupiter -- too vast yet too distant, almost unbearably faint your eyes always choose to ignore. Burn me down with your words that set the midnight sky ablaze, until my heart is wasted -- amessed, like ashes on the sand. Wreck my life and scorch my body with your flesh as I try to stir myself in a daydream --- while I poison my veins with whisky and beer, for a moment, I seem to forget that my love for you has never, ever, puffed into nothingness.

@Kennytheramos

[kennytheramos]

That one night

I left my soul in that lonely town

Where I thought a loud beat won’t burst from my heart

Where I thought the silence was direly eternal

Where I thought I won’t feel something raw again

That night on the sand I was clutched to the stars

Every drop of my tears telling me I was fine

I recalled all the nights I was drunk in despair

I recalled all the days my smile may seemed real

Then I sensed your voice roam in the mystical air

I could feel your body with little distance we shared

I sensed the warmth rush from the tip of your hand

I was alone in the sand suddenly I was not

Your elbow touched mine in a second’s time

Wrapped my hand ‘round your neck like a mesh of a vine

We drifted our laughter to the angst of the waves

We conquered Jupiter with the strength of our grip

I sniffed some wine and candies and submerged in your scent

Next moment my fingers were caressing your lips

I didn’t know what got me but I chanced to taste them

There I was, and my soul, foolishly enchanted

I found myself dancing in the flames of crisp love

Found myself tangled in the melody of songs

If I find myself frozen, stuck in the wheel of time

It’s ‘coz you seized my heart like Charlemagne in full might

I don’t know in the morning if this dream stays true

‘Coz tonight all I know no one is but us two

Will I wake up to the sun rising in your eyes

Or should I sleep, yet again, and let the gods decide?

I dread of those moments that must abruptly end

But that sweet kiss from you was an infinite bliss

I dread of this feeling, of falling on a whim

But my heart can’t help it; I wish you feel the same

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

“I’ve never seen the moon in a while.” I ponder to myself as I sit by my window, sniffing the flowery aroma of a hot chamomile tea while gazing at its magnificent night light. 

Tonight, as I constantly toss and turn in my bed from the enervating pulses of random thoughts inside my head, I would force myself to imagine my favorite, slightly eerie fantasy - alone under a big mango tree, overlooking a vast rice field with nothing but shooting stars and the cold air rushing towards my face, or at least cater to the idea of going home to see the silvery ruffles patterned on the ocean waves once again --- until I finally give up and sit on the edge of my bed, my eyes fixed towards my skinny knees and my arms balancing my maddeningly weariless body. The next thing I know, I find myself listening to Barbara Streisand’s New York State of Mind right before the break of dawn. 

The moon, not that it shies away each night from the eyes of an awe-deprived man like me, but this city is just filled with too much soot  that it tends to cover the wonders of the heavens. So seeing its rays squeeze through the little gaps between the branches of the tree for the first time suggests a slight clutch inside my chest. It reminds me of home. Way back home, the moon is witness to life’s simplicity, to a life that is hardly ever exciting but is certainly easy. I would always remember my wonder as a child about how something so lifeless could follow me everywhere. I would submerge myself into complete pareidolia and stared above as if my mother was watching over me from a distance, reminding me to always choose the simplest path, if complex is not part of the plan. 

When I see the moon, I say a little prayer to myself. That I may wake up another day to see its golden rays paint the neighborhood once more. To not feel like I have lived a billion years in the night sky completely distant from everyone else, but to cast my warmth to whoever I can reach it with. Watching the moon makes me realize that even in the darkest times, as some people step away from your life, the best ones would always be there. Not to push you further to the brink of your mistakes, not to see you cry, not to watch you battle against yourself, but to understand you completely and accept you for who you really are. Just like the moon, their rays will always reach you in one way or another.  

I take the last sip of the tea, blow the candle burner that puffed its last vapor of bamboo oil, mumble the knotty lyrics of that jazz I never heard of, and tuck myself in my blanket, the rays of the moon still caressing my now drowsy eyes, and settle at the last jolt of impulse in my brain which helped me realize that, truly, I have never seen the moon in a while.

@kennytheramos || The moon

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

If a kiss takes you to heaven But melts the gates of hell Will you kiss until it hurts Will you kiss until it’s real If love can easily be made But regret is what comes next Will you never stop Will you never stop to feel Will you ever give up On all the nights you can’t sleep Chasing moments that won’t happen Breaking silence you don’t deserve Did you ever think That promises can’t be broken That words can't be twisted That love cannot be played Why aren’t you tired Of draining your poor heart out Of believing all of the words That you speak inside your mind Why can’t you let go Of the hand that doesn’t fit The hand that can’t hold both The hand that’s out of reach Will you ever fight For someone who can’t requite For the tears that you’ve wasted For the love that feels like death Will you hold on to Being cared but not enough Being important but not so much Being loved; only sometimes?

@kennytheramos | Complications

[kennytheramos]

Maybe I shouldn’t just want you. Maybe I should need you. 

Maybe I should need you enough so that I won’t have to conceal my words behind my lips. Maybe I should need you so that I won’t have to bumble or control these twitching butterflies when we’re alone in the crowd together. 

Maybe I should need you enough so I won’t be afraid to tell you how jealous I am of your bright, grey eyes. How I always wish to caress your cheeks. How I’m stunned by your smile.  Or how I always find myself sillified by the look of your messy hair.

Maybe I should need you enough so I could finally touch you without hesitation. Or embrace you from behind as if you are truly mine. So that I could borrow your jacket and sedate myself to the scent that stays with it. So that I could play your fingers against mine in secret. 

Maybe I should need you so I wouldn’t have to stare blankly at the roof in the middle of the night, wondering if you ever think of me before you went to sleep.  Or to wake up at 3 am to the sound of your messages coming in. 

Maybe I should need you enough so I wouldn’t have to wonder what you are doing each moment. So I could just ask you to go out with me when I’m bored. Or to travel and create memories together. So that I wouldn’t have to falsely hope that I might stumble with you in the streets. 

Maybe I should need you enough so I could tell you how hard I fall when I listen to you singing while we hold hands in the tightness of the four corners of your room. And how I wish we could stay that way forever. And how I wish that maybe someday these feelings that we struggle to hide will just burst out in front of us. 

Maybe I should need you so that I would brave myself to get inside your heart. So I won’t have to play by the rules anymore. So I'd stop caring what others would say. That I won’t make walls before your words and take them as if they’re true. And that I wouldn’t have to tell you that I love you in pretense, just because I don’t want to hurt myself in the process. That I’m tired of playing this game of wanting each other, because I end up mostly wanting you. 

But maybe I shouldn’t just want you. Maybe I should need you. And I should need you because, no matter how much I refuse to feel it, I think I’m falling in love with you. 

@kennytheramos || Silly games

[kennytheramos]

-Paolo Patricio

[kennytheramos]

[kennytheramos]

It’s another cold December When I see the longing in your eyes Even without saying goodbye When I feel the pain in your touch Even though we're not distant apart It’s another sleepless night When I just sigh away your absence When I just cry away the pain While I bottle myself up to forget I couldn’t call out your name And when you’re back in my arms I wish your mouth could spill the words The way your heart clearly desires In this room lurked by blaring silence If only our bodies could scream otherwise Love in our time is madly elusive When one’s unsure and one has to wait When the heart is begging but the mouth is timid When words of love forfeit to imagining When it’s strong enough, it ends in a brisk

Kenny @kennytheramos | Peroration

[kennytheramos]

The fire that wakes you in the morning Is the same fire that scorches your skin The fire that soaks you in sweat Is the same fire that drowns you to death The fire that comes out of a mouth Is the same fire that breaks a bond —The fire that fills your hole Is the same fire that breaks your circle The fire that you once tasted That was hot and frisky and blithe Is the same fire that burns your tongue The same fire that gives you hell The fire that you thought was light Is the same fire that dies upon sight The fire that once blazed in yellow Is the same fire that turns to blue How long will you keep believing That fire is comfort for words unsaid? In brightest days, the fire is torch above you In darkest days, will it stay by your shadow? F I R E    ||    @kennytheramos