this is completely unrelated to my acc but i HAVE to share
its my magnum opus
ive never made anything better
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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YOU ARE THE REASON

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@khaaaaleesi
this is completely unrelated to my acc but i HAVE to share
its my magnum opus
ive never made anything better
my least favorite literary smut turn of phrase is when a guy is like “im gonna ruin this pussy” “im gonna wreck this pussy for anyone else” like stop.. thats not yours…!
“Imma destroy that pussy” my friend 😔
sorry i never replied. everyday is blending together and i'm losing sense of time
Oh easy mistake. Yearning actually rises from the floor and longing hangs from the ceiling
nothing is more tumblr than having a tumblr sexyman wiki and then warn you to not find some of those men sexy because it's problematic
okay. breathe. listen to my voice. can you tell me five things in this room you can fuck?
okay great. now list me four things in this room you can kill.
beautiful. there you go. okay. now: tell me three things you can impose unjust taxes on.
almost done. can you list two things you could shove in a pipe and smoke?
last one: one thing you could use as a makeshift weapon?
why are you still crying
one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.
they should invent a father you can forgive
Alpine Ibexes climb nearly 90 degree angles to lick salt deposits of of mountainsides. They crave that mineral.
I think strange horrible things should stop befalling my friends
I think strange wonderful things should start befalling my friends
I really don't have much going on in my life, except the horrors, so when people ask me questions it feels like a test of some kind
Even after they come out, Shane is a private person. So is Ilya. And, look, Shane is very happy that the centaurs are so accepting. He really, really has to remind himself how relieved and happy he is about it. He also remembers that this is how locker rooms are. As captain of the metros, the amount of times he had to tell off a player for showing pictures of their girlfriend's breasts or ass to other players was uncomfortably high.
So he really should have expected the question, "so who is, you know, the man?"
"Excuse me?"
"Dude, you can't ask that," a very progressive Young advised. "You gotta ask who's the top. Not the man."
Shane exhaled slowly. He loves his team he loves his team he loves his team.
"That is private," Shane said firmly. "And inappropriate in the workplace."
He was, of course, largely ignored. And while neither him nor Ilya really enjoyed their team, their friends, the internet, and homophobic players guessing their bedroom arraignments, Shane was surprised that nearly everyone got it wrong.
The general consensus what that Shane was the man. His going out outfit was usually jeans and a t-shirt, Ilya's was tight leather pants and a leopard print with four buttons undone. When they drank, Shane got a beer and Ilya either got shots or the sweetest cocktail they had. Ilya was more flamboyant, Shane was more reserved. Ilya liked to bake, Shane liked to grill.
And yes, Shane was aware why all these seemingly innocuous personality traits accumulated to make Shane the man and Ilya the girl. Still, it didn't stop it being generally annoying, offensive, and uncomfortable. Nonetheless, Shane liked finding the silver lining in that this was something just for them to know.
Ilya finds it more amusing then Shane. And, like most things, tries to use it to his advantage.
"Shaaaane, carry my bag," Ilya held out his hockey bag.
"No."
"I can't believe you treat your girlfriend like this."
~*~
"Is it a happy bouquet or an 'i'm sorry' one?" Holmsberg asked as he and the rookies peered over Young's phone. "Get the all roses one."
"That's the most expensive one!"
"Dude."
"Shane," Ilya whined, calling their attention to him. "Why don't you ever buy me flowers?"
"That's messed up, dude," LaPointe shook his head.
"I'll buy you roses, Roz." Wyatt grinned.
"You will not," Shane grumbled.
~*~
"Ah," Ilya winced as he lowered himself on the bench.
"You okay?" Shane asked him. He had taken a hard check into the boards early in the game and, despite reassuring Shane he was fine, he knew his hip was killing him.
"Fine," Ilya said predictability. "Just sore. Will be fine in a minute."
"Hey," Zane nudged Shane's shoulder. "Go easy on him on game days, okay? We need him."
"Go easy?" Shane's eyebrows drew together. "What do you - Oh! No, that isn't - he - I didn't -"
"It's fine, man. Whatever you two-"
"No!" Shane interrupted. "He's still sore off of Richard's check - Not - Ilya, stop laughing!"
~*~
"Doesn't it bother you?" Shane asks Ilya one day.
"What?"
"That everyone assumes you're, you know," Shane gestured, a cute little blush on his cheeks. "The girl."
"There is no girl," Ilya raises his eyebrows and palms Shane through his pants. "I would know."
"Asshole," Shane scoffs. "You know what I mean."
"I know," Ilya smiled. "But no. It does not bother me."
"Why not?"
"Because it's hot," Ilya lifted his hands, over Shane's chest and up to his face. "That people can't even imagine you like this."
Ilya dips to kiss his neck and Shane's eyes flutter shut.
"Makes no sense," Ilya continued, hands roaming down to Shane's ass. "To me, I know this immediately."
"F-fuck off, you did not."
"Oh, I did," Ilya gripped his chin, forcing Shane to look at him. "I see you... those beautiful freckles and I know how desperate you are for it. So obvious. Thought everyone was looking at this boy thinking how good he would look getting fucked. How well he would take it."
"Ilya..."
"Shh," Ilya patted his face. "But I think is better this way. That only I get to even imagine you like this. Only I get to have it."
"Only you," Shane agreed readily, hands flying to the zipper on Ilya's jeans.
"Only for me," Ilya agreed, letting Shane take down his pants and boxers. He pressed down on Shane's shoulders, the slightest pressure getting him to sink down, eyes already heavy. Ilya ran his hand through Shane's soft hair, watching the gold of his wedding ring catch the room's low light. "Only for me. Forever."
my shane mine all mine
your dashboard is supposed to be at LEAST halfway full of shit you have no context for and fandoms you're not involved in. it is the natural way of the universe
source
"He has a 12 inch cock" well my pussy ain't a fucking magicians hat bitch where is all that supposed to go