what he almost had
sometimes i like to imagine what would happen if Harry found a box of the old photographs his parents kept and be able to physically see the life voldemort took from him
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what he almost had
sometimes i like to imagine what would happen if Harry found a box of the old photographs his parents kept and be able to physically see the life voldemort took from him
âWhat are you doing this weekend?â
âNothing, just some studying, why?â
original post [x]
this is the happiest day of my life
Too soon
65 million yearsâŠ
Donât worry, guys. Carl is clearly a brachiosaurus, which lived during the Jurassic period. (And before anyone says our lilâ boy Steve is a velociraptor and therefore puts our comic in the late cretaceous, aka the time of the cometâthat lil guy could easily be a compsognathus or a caudipteryx, both Jurassic-era species of small theropod dinosaurs. So the light getting bigger every night is going to pass by harmlessly, and Steve and Carl can go on enjoying the stars together until they die of old age, since Carl has very few natural predators at his size and I bet heâll protect Steve, if he needs it (though small, fast and carnivorous as Steve is, he probably wonât).Â
So itâs all good!!Â
That entire response explaining how these two characters didnât die a fiery death but instead lived long and happy lives literally made my day.
hey, how long does it take before the forest god comes to get you after you leave a strand of your hair and a fresh loaf of bread in a mushroom circle by the lake? asking for a fr
they got her
Iâm happy for her
This fanfiction by @sarah1281 is just hillarious! Only Chapter 4 so far, but couldnât Stop reading!
Harry isnât quite out of his teens when it fully hits himâthe war, the blood and the guts spread across the corridors of Hogwarts, the screams and sobs, the nightmares, the shadows that never seem to leave him.
Itâs too much.
He gets a flat in LondonâMuggle London. Hermione and the Weasleys give him space. Kingsley ensures the wizarding world gives him privacy. Not that some arenât reluctant. Rita Skeeter releases articles every day, wondering when their Boy Who Lived will return.
But Harry doesnât see those articles.
He tries to forget who he is for awhile.
His flat is cozy. He stuffs it with plants and paintings and books. He has a cat (or three). He wears sweaters and blazers with corduroy pants. He goes to the market every morning to buy fruits and vegetables. Thatâs where he meets the kindly old woman who lives down the street.
She lived through World War II and so many other wars, wars that Harry has never experienced but can only imagine.
She goes to his house and she goes to hers. Thereâs always tea and small cakes and dinners and cocoaâapparently she believes that a teenager needs cocoaâand baking and reading and knitting.
Harry uses magic to brew the cocoa one day, not realizing that sheâs standing in the doorway. She calms him by telling him that she knows all about magic.Â
Their conversations shift after that. They talk about their favorite creatures and how hard it was to watch them perish before their eyes. They talk about the wall that seemingly gave way to let them enter the magical world. They talk about lions and friends and family and love and betrayals and life and death.
âWhen did you leave?â Harry asks one day.
She pauses, a hand resting on his catâs head. After a moment, she looks up with a heaviness in her eyes, a heaviness that Harry sees when he looks in the mirror everyday.Â
âI was young,â she says. âYounger than you are now. But I had already grown up. I didnât want to leave, not really, but it became too much.â
âDo you regret it?â
âSome days I do, some days I donât.âÂ
âYeahâŠâ
Itâs a few months later, when heâs helping her shovel the first snow from her walkway, that he asks, âDid you ever try going back?â
âEven if I wanted to, I couldnât,â she says, shoving a cup of cocoa into his hands. âI was shut out as soon as I hesitated.â
He pauses, nearly dropping the cocoa, before whispering, âThatâs horrible.â
âWhat about you?â She escorts him inside, her cane tapping against the floor that heâs magically heated to warm her feet. âWould you be welcomed back?â
âOh, yeah,â Harry says. âTil they turn on me because they donât like the color of my shirt or because I sneezed the wrong way or becauseâyou name it.â
She laughs and he smiles.
âImagine that,â she softly says. âRulers of our worlds and weâre not even allowed in them.â
âImagine that.â
He does go back to the wizarding world, of course, but he never forgets his London flat. He visits the street from time to time, knowing that Susan Pevensie will be there, ready to push a cup of cocoa into his hands.
Never knew that this was the crossover I needed
HOW COME WHEN HARRY GETS BITTEN BY THE BASILISK IN CHAMBER OF SECRETS THAT DOESNT DESTROY THE HORCRUX IN HIM SOMEONE ANSWER THIS???
BecauseâŠ
Because⊠Shit.
Can we get JKR on the phone ?
yes let me just pull out her number real quick hang on yes hello 911 can i speak to jkr pls
One time, Gryffindor reached exactly 69 house points, and for two whole weeks they managed not to gain or lose any by being as boring as possible. It was finally broken when Hermione was awarded 10 points for some good Charms homework, and Ron was subtracted 20 for yelling âFUCKS SAKE HERMIONEâ in response
Scary Potter 1. âŠand the Sorcererâs Stone 2. âŠand the Chamber of Secrets 3. âŠand the Prisoner of Azkaban 4. âŠand the Goblet of Fire 5. âŠand the Order of the Phoenix (added 3/17/17) 6. âŠand the Half-Blood Prince (added 8/24/17) 7 âŠand the Deathly Hallows (added 2/15/18)
by DylanPierpont
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holy shit
Some of my favourite moments from the day I spent at the library playing Snape for their Harry Potter event
âąâThe real Snape is taller than you!â
âReal Snape? Oh, you mean the muggle who played me in that film? His name was Alan. My name is not Alan, and I am sadly not 6â1â. Ten points from Gryffindor.â
âą*to a little girl dressed as Hedwig complete with mask* âYouâre that Potter bratâs owl, arent you? Hedwig, correct?â
âYeah! Youâre so mean to Harry! *pretends to peck at me my god she was adorable*
âSee, Iâd put you in detention for that, but regrettably you canât put owls in detention. So Iâll put your mother in detention instead for raising such a disrespectful child.â *the mother cracked up at this*
âąâAre you Professor Snape?â
â*long sigh* Regrettably.â
âąI had a belt of potions bottles and a group of kids asked me what potions I had, so I actually gave an impromptu potions lesson. Some of the highlights included threatening to use Skele-Gro on a boy dressed as Harry who wouldnât stop interrupting, and loudly complaining to their parents that I wouldnât have had to waste time reteaching this lesson if their kids had paid attention the first time.
âąWord got out that I actually had the dark mark on my arm so kids kept coming up to ask to see it. I made a big show of rolling my eyes and threatening them and then finally rolling up sleeve while flexing the tendons in my wrist to make the snake move. Made several kids scream. It was hilarious
âąThere were a couple teenagers in a group with a Luna and her friend dressed as her rabbit patronus. I had a lot of fun with them giving her a hard time:
-âLovegood. I know that name. Why do Iâah, yes, your father.â
âHe writes for the Quibbler!â
âIndeed he does. Penned an article claiming Hogwarts had a vampire teaching there. Canât imagine to whom he was referring.â *cue biggest laugh of the evening*
-âLovegood, if you melt on more pewter cauldronââ
âThey had dark magic in them! All pewter cauldrons do!â (She was really good)
ââŠyouâre telling me every pewter cauldron was made by a dark wizard? He must have been extraordinarily busyâ *dry tone*
âYes, and it explains why youâre the way you are. Spent too much time with pewter cauldronsâ
ââŠwhy am I still talking to you, Lovegood?â
âąâWhy arent you at Hogwarts?â
âHave you been outside, child? Itâs summer.â
âą*parents who wanted photos* âCan we get our picture/their picture with you?â
ââŠ*sigh* Fine. *dramatic eye roll* You do know Iâm the villain for like six and three-fourths of seven books, right?â (They found this hilarious)
âąThe classic, âI love your costume/great costume!â comments followed up with ââŠWhat costume?â
âąThere was a sorting station I helped back up for a bit and I had way too much fun loudly groaning and complaining when kids were put into Gryffindor.
âąOne little girl was put into Slytherin so I introduced myself to her and her dad and was all âYouâd better make me proud. Although honestly after 14 years my expectations arenât very high so that should be relatively easy.â Went over her head but the dad lost it
âą*two rowdy little boys nearly putting each otherâs eyes out with fake wands and in general causing dangerous commotion* âNo duelling in the halls. Twenty points each from both your houses, and a weekâs detentions.â (They straightened up immediately. Was proud.)
âąThere was a station where kids could make Pygmy puffs out of cotton balls and glue and one kid made an all black one and proudly presented it to me with âI tried to make it look grumpyâ
That is spot on and so wonderful! Share you Snapeing secretsâŠ
A wholesome post.
do yourself a favor and read âOh God, Not Again!â by Sarah1281
it is a harry potter fanfic from like 2009, 160k words, 50 chapters
basically, adult Harry accidentally goes back in time and wakes up on his 11th birthday again, but with all his memories of the future intact
(the way he travels back makes no sense whatsoever but it doesnât really matter)
harry decides upon 3 goals:
fuck up as much shit as possible
make a shitload of money
save some lives or whatever
it is
H I L A R I O U S
his go-to explanation for how he knows whatâs going to happen?
he has a psychic scar
(hermione is SO PISSED about this)
(nevilleâs like âeither heâs psychic, or heâs the greatest conman aliveâ)
everyone just sort of assumes harryâs insane and he doesnât do much to dispute this
harry also decides to make it his mission in life to LOSE the house cup every year
âsnape is my sole allyâ
he also goes out of his way to befriend neville, ginny, and luna earlier this time, so theyâre part of the gang throughout and itâs great
even draco is a friend!
(kind of)
(when harryâs not spreading a rumor that dracoâs the lovechild of narcissa and snape, anyway)
harryâs motivation for everything he does in this story is basically, âoh, this will be hilariousâ
either that or, âitâs probably a tax deductibleâ
because the way lockhart is written in this story is also amazing and harry ends up teaming up with him to merchandise The Boy Who Lived so he can have cash to burn
(so he gets a LOT of shit done via bribes)
it gets to the point where harry is able to convince everyone that heâs not the heir of slytherinâŠ. because if he was, heâd have found a way to make money off of it
and everyoneâs like âyeah ok that checks outâ
in this timeline, nevilleâs boggart isnât snapeâŠ. itâs harry as the minister of magic
harry also decides to make sure cedric lives by quizzing him constantly on what to do if he ends up in a graveyard
harry: by the way, that reminds me â cedric. graveyard.
cedric, not even really listening: run like hell.
the sheer magnitude to which harry does not give a fuck in this timeline is truly awe-inspiring
he mouths off to everyone, and i mean everyone. lockhart, snape, the dursleys, malfoy, frigginâ voldemort
everyone is like âwhat⊠what the fuck, harryâ
(though by the end of first year itâs more like â⊠*deep sigh* ⊠fine.
snape is so angry
itâs fucking hysterical and just about everyone ends up better off
hereâs the link
thank me later
This sounds so freaking good.
au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesnât even want to be there heâs got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
#IM LAUGHIN #in the middle of it achilles throws a fit #âMAN IVE BEEN DJING FOR 3 HOURS YOU TOLD ME ID ONLY HAVE TO DO IT FOR LIKE AN HOURâ #âachilles cmon do menelaus a solid your djing is totally putting helen in the moodâ #âFUCK YOU TOO AGâ #he mopes upstairs to make out with his boyfriend #in the middle of a really quickânâdirty handie someone bursts in the room all #âTHIS IS AN EMERGENCY WEâRE OUT OF VODKAâ #achilles is like FUCK OFF ASSHOLES I CANT PLAY BEER PONG BUT AS SOON AS YOU NEED SOMEONE TO GO ON A BOOZE RUN ITS ME. OF COURSE #patroclus is like âwell you are the fastest driverâ âI DONT CARE IM NOT GOINGâ #patroclus âFINE then iâll take your car dont be a babyâ #5 minutes after patroclus is out the door achilles is like âshit i fucked upâ and catches a taxi to the liquor store #to meet up with patroclus #they drink the vodka and have sex in achillesâ car and forget all about the party
on the way home odysseus gets into a very minor fender bender thatâs more like a fender bumper with some shit driver who is almost DEFINITELY high. and itâs all this guyâs fault but he wonât stop screaming about how heâs gonna fucking sue and odysseus just wants to go the fuck home and the guy goes âIâM FILING THE POLICE REPORT WHO ARE YOUâ and odysseus is just so done that he says ânobodyâ and drives the fuck off and this completely tripping guy ends up screaming to the police at the side of the road at like three in the morning âNOBODY CRASHED INTO MY CAR!!!!!â
majestic-beard:
#IâM FUCKING SCREAMINGÂ #THIS WOULD BE SO GOOD THOÂ #ODYSSEUSâ GF PENELOPE IS STUCK AT ANOTHER PARTYÂ #GETTING HIT ON BY DOUCHES FROM ANOTHER FRATÂ #BUT ODYSSEUS HAS TO LIKE FIND A NEW CAR AND TRIES TO BORROW ONE FROM THIS CHICKÂ WHO GIVES HIM SOME FUCKIN LACED POT OR SOMETHING BC HE FEELS LIKE HEâS BEEN THERE FOREVERÂ #AND MEANWHILE PENELOPE HAS BEEN FORCED TO SAY THAT SHEâLL GO HOME WITH WHOEVER CAN BEAT HER AT BEERPONGÂ #ONLY SHEâS FUCKIN LEGENDARYÂ #SUCKS TO SUCKÂ THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN BEAT HER IS ODYSSEUSÂ #BUT HE HAS TO BE ON THE DL BC THIS FRAT HATES HIS GUTSÂ #AND HE BEATS HERÂ #AND SHE KNOWS ITâS HIM
This was wild from start to finish.
#the chilliad
s/o to all the girls working on loving their bodies because that shits hard iâm so proud of you
shieldmaiden19â:
rapacityinblueâ:
tinydoomsâ:
lumiereswigâ:
bubblyskootchâ:
bemusedlybespectacledâ:
fandomsandfeminismâ:
typetteâ:
I remember posting somewhere once in a thread about why girls arenât exploited in animation anymore where some guy said, âall the disney girls are drawn to be generally attractive, but I donât think there are any eye-candy men⊠or are there? Are there any Disney men that lots of girls like?â and I mentioned Roger. Tons of girls replied agreeing with me and the original guy was like âwait, Roger? from 101 Dalmatians? Whatâs attractive about him, heâs tall and lanky and has a big nose, he isnât muscley at all! Wouldnât you all prefer Gaston or something? Or do you girls think his big nose is indicative of something else?â and I was like âno, you idiot, heâs a silly, goofy guy who likes animals and can play a bunch of instruments, thatâs why heâs attractive. Whatâs the matter with you? Gaston, seriously?â
This is why we need more girls in animation. And more guys like Roger apparently.Â
This is why I laugh my ass of whenever dudes talk about how men are âobjectifiedâ by the media too. Because 9 times out of 10, what men think is âwomen objectifying menâ are characters like Gaston.
And Gaston is NOT a woman-driven fantasy. Gaston is a male wish fulfillment fantasy. Gaston is not what women want, he is what men want to be. He is hyper-masculinity to an extreme degree, dripping with sexism and testosterone. The fact that men think that Gaston is what women want says an awful lot about those men.Â
While I donât want to generalize, female fans tend to prefer a very different kind of male hero. We like the Rogers, the Milos, the Hercules. Genuinely kind, often awkward men who are sometimes vulnerable and respectful to women.Â
Yes, this is a generalization. I own up to that. But I think itâs important to remember that there is often VERY big difference between what MEN want to be and what women WANT in our media.Â
Reblogging this again because fucking this. And hell, even the muscley dudes (see: Khal Drogo, Hercules, Thor, Captain America) are loved, not because they are muscley, but because they are sweet and loving and adorable. We love Thor because his mispronounces âHubbleâ as âHooble,â not because of what he can do with a hammer.
Reblogging for the awesome comments.
Iâm just here to say I love the animation of Roger so fucking much. look how fucking smooth and graceful and agile he is. 2d animation is amazing and i just want to hug it
All of this.Â
Okay, listen, to return briefly to the idea of Gaston: Beauty and the Beast is actually the first animated Disney screen play written by a woman. Linda Woolverton, the screenwriter, got a lot of attention for creating a self-proclaimed feminist heroine in 1991, but she also had a *lot* to say about Gaston. She didnât stumble into that villain by mistake. She crafted him based on her own experiences with men and even her ex-boyfriends, and said: âTo Gaston, Belle wasnât a person; she was a possession. And I think itâs great for little boys to see that Beauty doesnât choose him. Not only can they look at Gaston as an example of how not to treat women, but they can hopefully be taught by the Beast, a macho guy who is comfortable with his feelings and gentleness. He could teach a lot of men, in fact, about sensitivity.â
Not only is Gaston not a womanâs fantasy, heâs literally a womanâs horror story.
Reblogging for:
âThe fact that men think that Gaston is what women want says an awful lot about those men.â
âNot only is Gaston not a womanâs fantasy, heâs literally a womanâs horror story.â
FREAKING YES
Well, Never not agreeing
I have a headcanon that Hermione insists her children attend some primary muggle schooling before Hogwarts, just as she had done. Now, imagine Arthur Weasley attending his grandchildâs science fair, being the ultra proud grandfatherâŠ.and yet also completely geeking out over absolutely EVERYTHING.
Canon
âThat is a volcano, that is a VERY SMALL VOLCANO, how - young lady, how did you make this? Baking soda and food coloring? MARVELOUS!â
This is making me so happy!
this tweet gets me