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loving grump. w/ insoo

fmdrizo:

insoo barely registered the fact that kian was.. less than sober when he first came in. he was too busy poring over the last pages of a novel, charged with emotion and suspense and the bittersweet realization that he was grounded in reality– not the pages of a book. he was jarred out of his preoccupation, however– first by a cough, then a rather uncharacteristic slam– and, apprehension trumping his need for immediate closure, he made his way to the kitchen to check if things were alright.

upon taking in kian’s disheveled appearance, the smell of alcohol weighing down the air, insoo hovered anxiously, just outside the doorway. he’d never seen kian intoxicated to this point, so he found himself a little agitated with worry, unsure of how to proceed. when he was beckoned over, unconsciously, he took a step forward, open and guileless and confused when he felt himself being wrapped up in a pair of arms. insoo was, by no means, uncomfortable with skinship, but he’d known kian for close to ten years now, and he’d never describe the older male as – dare he say – cuddly.

( he’d never expected kian to be so.. – dare he think – cute. )

after realizing the ridiculousness of the situation, kian having dropped the L-bomb but somehow still managing to insult him, it took all of insoo’s willpower to swallow down his laughter. “only recently, hyung?” he demanded, adopting a tone of mock-offense. he was a little disappointed that his phone wasn’t within reach, but he mentally chided himself for wanting to blackmail his.. self-proclaimed ‘proud dad’. what kind of a son was he? “so, you’re scary when you’re sober, but you’re affectionately honest when you’re drunk. hmmm.“ it was impromptu honesty hour. ”– who’s your favorite member of alien, hyung? – it’s insoo, right? cha insoo? i won’t tell shin-hyung. you can be honest.”

insoo was a baby. a child that needed protection and undying love.

( at least that’s what drunk kian thought. and he thought he’d better contribute to this. )

the younger male was warmer than ever. insoo was fresh too. the smell of soap made kian snuggle so-unlike-kian closer. there were no signs of letting the maknae go just yet. the question strummed a laugh from the older male. “is there some value to shin’s opinion of my favorite member?” it was a genuine question. hoping for insoo’s knees and strength would be appreciated at this point.

“what would our maknae do if it isn’t him, hm?” kian spoke in a slur, as if speaking was the last thing he wanted to do. it was the last thing he had in mind. the bed called for him at this point, the security of his blankets the only thing keeping him from crashing and sleeping on the ground. “i have a favorite but in my opinion,” to get his point straight, kian stood upright.

( upright but slanted still on insoo for leverage. great man. )

“these kinds of things are unnecessary.”

#fmdinsoo #with: insoo #title: loving grump

famedroleplayarchive

Whoa, is that HEO JUNGJIN? I love him! You might know him as KIAN. He’s the MAIN VOCAL of ALIEN, and he’s a ‘92 LINER! He’s one of my favorites under DIMENSIONS ENTERTAINMENT. Don’t you think he looks a little like JUNG TAEKWOON (LEO)?

Keep reading

#YO #THIS IS SO GOOD

kianfmd-blog

not supposed to know. w/sam

kianfmd-blog

fmdxsamsoo:

Samsoo was observent. A lot of people figured that since he was quiet and kept to himself that he was dissociating, but that wasn’t the case at all. He was very much well aware of his surroundings, especially people in his surroundings, which was why he was starting to notice that Jungjin was particularly slow and off beat with their choreography that day. Now he wasn’t the best dancer in the world, nor was he in any place to critique anyone else’s dancing, but he knew that Jungjin could do better than that, and his slow and stiff movements couldn’t have just been from being a little tired.

His assumptions were proven right when the other male collapsed to the ground, and he stiffened slightly, not knowing what to do. Everyone else was crowding around him, so he knew that he didn’t need anyone else to surround him. He knew how that felt, and he didn’t want to put Jungjin on edge anymore than he already was. He watched silently as the other male stormed out of the practice room, waiting a few minutes, before quietly slipping out and following him. No one would miss him.

He arrived at the bathroom a few seconds later, his eyes trailing underneath the stalls until he spotted a familiar pair of shoes. He paused, before approaching the door and reaching up to knock gently. “J-Jungjin-ah?” He murmured softly. “Are you okay?” He might not have seemed like it, but he cared very much for all the boys in his soon to be group, which was why he was so concerned.

kian failed to register the door opening, its sound a murmur as his sobs started to dominate the walls. the soft knocks on the cubicle, however, was enough to silence the young trainee. “s–samsoo?” leaning against the cubicle’s door, sweatpants up and covering his beaten skin, kian stared at the blade that sat beautifully between his fingers. the edges were sharp. kian poked the pad of his index on the corner, denting the skin but not enough to pierce through.

( was he okay? kian didn’t know. )

“i... i don’t know.” the barrier that hid their faces from each other lubricated the struggles of speaking about emotions—his emotions. samsoo didn’t have to see this side of him—this vulnerable state. yes, they were to debut together. it was a plan—their destiny. but kian wanted to keep the image of indestructible. “you all should continue practicing,” his teeth caught his chapped lower lip, noticing how so much dirt on the tip of his shoes.

“i’ll be fine...” there was a pause, a halt of hesitation.

#fmdxsamsoo #with: samsoo #title: not supposed to know #( thank u for shortening it!

fmdjunsu:

Hearing a knock on the door surprised Junsu because he didn’t know who it could had been that was knocking at this hour. It was late and the weather outside was a complete mess. No one would want to go out when the weather was this bad for today. And he’s pretty sure that all of his group members were in the dorm asleep or just in their rooms. He gets up from where he was sitting and heads to the door. Opening the door, the first thing he sees was how soaked wet that Kian was. He didn’t even speak when he heard the male telling him they wanted to stay until the storm goes away. Junsu could only question how long they were out there in that storm. “Come inside,” he says as he brings Kian inside the dorm. “I’ll get you a towel so you can dry yourself off. Do you want anything to drink? Tea? Coffee? Something to warm you up from being out there.”

the gush of air, the immediate sight of the shorter male, was an intense buckets of relief poured on kian. kian’s arms enveloped his own torso, trapping some of body heat to himself, as he stepped inside. his previously dominating figure now slumped, like a wolf left in the cold for weeks. the dorm was another world. kian was like in another dimension, another universe. kian felt out of place. he waited, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. wetting junsu’s couch was a burden. there was too much happening now.

“just...” the towel, he wanted to say. “coffee,”

#fmdjunsu #with: junsu

comfortable concern. w/ vivi

( @fmdxvivi )

the first floor’s toilet was a war to the cubicles. every corner, every square meter of the vicinity, was occupied with a pair of feet. staff members took a break from their everyday jobs, probably taking this hour break everyday as well, in a cramped inappropriate room. walking all the way outside was, indeed, a pain. young idols, on the other hand, were genuinely trying to relieve themselves. they were either too young and unfamiliar to look for another toilet or instructed not to stray too far.

kian, on the other hand, found himself walking up the building’s third flight of stairs. there were tears in the corners of his eyes, little drops of glass on the verge of rolling down his cheeks. he didn’t need to take a piss.

he wanted to solidarity.

on the fifth floor, the halls whistled ominously, a thin line of cold air coating the ground. the sound of kian’s footsteps were loud harmonizing with his heart beating, his heart weeping. the rounds of stairs took too long for idols performing to climb, required too much effort for staff members. finally alone, door closed (but not locked), kian stared at his reflection.

( you weak shit. you ugly creature. )

kian’s knees gave up and soon, he was on the chill tiles. his forehead settled on his kneecaps, arms holding his legs in place.

his skin itched again. itched at the memory of pain, the only fleeting emotion he felt. a memory of his aunt, a memory, or lack thereof, of his mother, made the ragged lines on his thighs throb. begging and crying for attention.

#fmdxvivi #with: vivi #title: comfortable concern

a chen for aLIENNNNn

im giddy inside ,,,

#ooc.

( to: @fmdjsoul )

it was rare for kian to find someone utterly attractive. too attractive to the point of blinding. like the gods’ doll, groomed and dressed to perfection. it was probably the structure of this man’s face. or was it the lips? maybe the eyes... how they seemed to speak for itself. not to mention his hair was tended only to highlight the already heavenly face. kian didn’t speak. he thought he could spend a few more minutes just staring.

until he spoke.

“ah,” kian, as rare as it was, was flustered. “i’m sorry, what were you... saying?” instantly, his eyes dart to the lips. ( he didn’t mean to, though. ) kian anticipated for how his lips would curve. or move. or just...

#fmdjsoul #with: jsoul #( this is so late im so sorry asdkjlajd #( im so sorry too this is so lame i #( i meant for more depth but #( idk hes just so attracted to jsoul ????

not supposed to know. w/sam

timeline: around 2011, few months before alien’s debut with: sam ( @fmdxsamsoo ) tw: self-loathing, self-harm

the company building stood high and mighty. it was like a mountain with miniatures surrounding it, like barriers or little knights protecting a kingdom. its structure was conspicuous, one that would make you wonder what happened inside. all kinds of people walked in. young, old, with ids, with backpacks. jungjin stepped in with a backpack.

this building, ironically, was home to jungjin. it was warm inside. whether it was his dream’s comfort or the people he talked to everyday, it lubricated the edges of his aunt’s words. specific words pushed into him, hurting more than a dagger could, to break him down.

( ‘good luck chasing your bullshit dream. even if you do debut, i doubt anyone would give you a listen.’ )

he left with a concealed bruise on his right side, on his rib cage just below his chest. it stung with every movement. walking was a struggle. dancing... dancing made him cry. tears welled up in the corner of his eyes. jungjin loathed pausing their training for his sake but soon, he collapsed and everything blacked.

“i just need to use the toilet,”

there were concerned questions, lingering hands, but jungjin stormed his way out.

( even the toilet was warm. the tiles, the sink—comforted him like no other. )

jungjin wept there, the reflection of his wet hideous face adding fuel to his roaring hatred. hatred for himself. hatred for his weakness. hatred for jungjin. he was clad with sweatpants—everyone was—but the skin beneath the cotton itched.

( one bruise, one cut. )

pushing and locking himself into a cubicle, jungjin slumped down and pulled the soft sweatpants down, just above his kneecaps. there were scars, wounds. some were new, some healing. the long lines squirmed there, begging to be added, begging for attention. jungjin heard them. his tears were food for them, his weakness the feast. he needed to feed them.

then he pulled it—the blade—out of his pocket.

#fmdxsamsoo #with: samsoo #title: not supposed to know #( this is so long im sorry #( pls shorten itt kajsdlad

kianfmd-blog

undying need. w/trevor

kianfmd-blog

fmdtrevor:

There were some days where Trevor found himself having difficulty falling asleep, and unfortunately for him, they’d been happening more and more frequently. He was exhausted enough to sleep, physically that is, but mentally his brain was wired, and he had no idea why. Maybe it was because everything that was going on with Knight. It felt like they had just finished promotions for Ko Ko Bop and now they were being pushed into another release, barely even two months later. It wasn’t too much, but it was still tiring as hell.

He had been tossing and turning in bed for about an hour or two when his phone vibrated on his nightstand. He immediately reached for it, talking to someone would be better than trying and failing to go to sleep, right? He opened the text, his eyes taking in the two words.

He didn’t even need to look at the contact name to know who it was. But he had to admit that he was surprised by who it was. Usually he was the one who initiated these things, not Kian.

“nope. what’s up?” - sent: 2:28am

the first minute, the world’s rotation slowed down by half. the second, the sound of the wind outside squeezing or gliding against the windows whistled, like a man humming a minor chord meant to scare him. the third, the vibration that came under the pillow almost shot kian through the roof. it wasn’t a surprise he answered. rather, kian found the speed peculiar. was trevor really not asleep? the light of his phone against his face was soft, accentuating his nose and pressed lips.

“about to sleep? dorm? you i mean?” - sent: 2:29am

the living room was colder than his shared bedroom but he didn’t mind. waking his members was the last thing he wanted to do. out of consideration? embarrassment? maybe a bit of both. embarrassment for wanting company at this hour when originally, kian didn’t care for anyone else.

what’s your problem anyway?

tapping on his phone, kian typed again, sending just within the same minute.

“you think we can meet up tonight?” - sent: 2:29am

without waiting for a response, he wiggled into a hoodie, pulled a beanie down onto his head and went out. the walls suffocated him. he needed somewhere—anywhere—to breathe.

#fmdtrevor #with: trevor #title: undying need

fmdjisoo:

when he smiled, she smiled back, giving him a slight nod. “you’re welcome. and no, it’s fine. you don’t have to pay me back, really. i insist that you don’t.” she let out a sigh of relief when he took the things out of her arms, reaching into her bag to pull out her wallet. “you know what you can do to pay me back though?” jisoo asked nonchalantly, gesturing for the man behind the counter to begin ringing up their items. “you can help me carry my things back to my apartment, if you didn’t have plans for the next half and hour or so, that is. my place isn’t that far, just a little ways down the street.”

kian, as obedient as he was, did little movements. one item at a time, he placed them gingerly on the counter. having this dead-end argument with the woman was slowly twitching kian’s eye. looks like she’s just as stubborn as you. his sigh was low after the last item, head hung low as defeat started to agree with him. there’s no sense in arguing. he was, in fact, asking for a favor. “okay.” kian pushed his items to the side, just the container, to avoid confusion. behind the woman, kian eyed the cashier, the lack of something to do causing him to notice small details. “i’m jungjin by the way.” he didn’t bother looking at the woman after his introduction. he felt the need to say his real name necessary. “thank you for the favor.”

#fmdjisoo #with: jisoo

jaehwanshik

he’s struggling pls help ☆

#he.#a grump #i'll get to greeting everyone soon!

undying need. w/trevor

( to: @fmdtrevor )

the way kian caught the flesh just by the corners of his mouth between his teeth made him pout. unintentionally, but it was there, his lower lip jutting out (in a cute way, but you didn't hear that from me). it was a habit. contemplating while toying with his lips and everything around it. kian's eyes stared at his phone, small and square in his hands. among the contacts, he scrolled down and down. 'shin, manager, insoo' and finally, 'trevor'. the man wasn't acquainted with a handful of people. just a few that he trusted, although his manager was a different story. in his shared bedroom, kian stared at his members, snoring the night away. it was tranquil, and he thought the soft snoring would lull him to sleep.

typing a message, kian struggled to come up with a decent start. accustomed to receiving, to having his phone vibrate without touching it, his eyes twitched whenever he tapped something up. 'hey, good evening' awkward. 'you up?' shady. 'sleeping?' pretentious.

after what seemed like forty five sighs, kian finally hit the send button and pushed the small gadget under his pillow. was it to hide it? or perhaps to have it vibrate right under his face when he gets an answer?

(perhaps a bit of both.)

"you busy?" - sent: 2:23am

#fmdtrevor #with: trevor #title: undying need

loving grump. w/ insoo

( @fmdrizo )

despite kian's distaste anything that required him to interact with humans— even smiling exhausted the man— he knew how to have fun. at least, like how most people had fun. liquor was synonymous to fun. downing shots here and there, earning the satisfied roar of faceless people behind him, the loud ringing of an electric guitar, drums, and husky voice of the band playing in the background, kian soon found his way (wobbled, more like) back into a cab and the way back to the dorm. definitely, his manager wasn't aware of kian having "fun". all was safe.

back in the dorm, back with the same lonely couch in the living room, back in the kitchen with this fridge he towered over, back in the small space meant to fit seven full grown men, kian let out a sigh of relief. pretending smiles was vain now, no need to fake concern nor sincerity. kain genuinely felt for his members. all of them. the drunken main vocal pulled a pitcher out. he aimed the nozzle above his mouth, or so he thought was above his mouth, and gave himself the liberty for cold water. the liquid hit his nose though, earning a cough, but soon found himself gulping the coldness. hair barely having any direction, kian soon slammed the pitcher on the small table behind him.

kian didn't know how long insoo was by the doorway but the sight of the youngest member curved kian's lips upwards. "ah, maknae-yah." his voice cooed towards the young male, shoulder raised to have his hand lazily stretch towards him. he ushered insoo to come closer, yet his body seemed to magnet towards insoo. in no time, kian engulfed his baby in his arms. insoo smelled of home, of fabric conditioner. and was that shampoo? ah, of course. the maknae showered before going to bed. such a good baby. the width of his hands soon rubbed the back of insoo, up and down before securing the slim waist. "you know that hyung loves you, right? ah, you're a headache but people have migraines normally, right?" nose nuzzled in the crook of insoo's neck. "you looked really good in the teasers—in everything recently—i'm a proud dad!"