My favorite Shady/Illegal tips
*If you donāt have a stamp, reverse your destination and return addresses. The post office will deliver it to the return address for free
*One bag of garbage from a McDonaldās dumpster has hundreds of receipts in it, each of which has a survey. Submit each one for lots of free food
*Holding a cell phone to your ear justifies loitering. This aids in public urination, dumpster diving, stalking, trespassing, etc
*If youāre going to plagiarize, plagiarize something in a foreign language. Use a translator and spend a few minutes touching up the results.
*If they have free refills, save your cup. Next time you eat there, your drink is free.
*A plastic coffee stir stick can fool any push in coin acceptor that loads the coins on edge. Just insert stir stick, push the mechanism forward until you feel the stick hit a bump, push the bump down with the stick and push the mech all the way in
*If you look like you know what youāre doing, no one will bother you.
*When lying, always include something slightly embarrassing, or something that makes you look bad, as part of your story. Itās not only going to disarm their skepticism (admitting to something embarrassing gives an impression of humility), but even if they remain skeptical, theyāll be left wondering why you would make something up that youād rather keep secret if it were true
*Using Clorox or any bleach will turn the red/pink liquid detection dot on electronic devices back to white so they replace them under warranty
*Ā āA drug dealer in DC taught me to pick my nose if the police are staring at me. No one picks their nose if they think someone is watching them, so itās the ultimate way of being nonchalant.ā
*Ā "I learned that you can get into almost any special event by wearing a chef coat. Even just carrying one and walking like you know where youāre going will work every time. Most people donāt want to look stupid by asking you who you are.āĀ
*Ā "My go to missing work call was never āIām sickā, it was āFamily problemsā. They never questioned it, itās vague enough and embarrassing enough that nobody ever asks.āĀ
*As part of the employee training at Target, they teach you that if a customer argues over a price, and the full price is under $20, to just give it to them for whatever price they claim. Itās cheaper for the company to move on to the next customer than to call in a price check.
*Put a rolled up sock in the change slot on a vending machine, come back back 4 days laterā¦.and pull sockā¦.you will be 6-ish dollars richer.
*If itās a small lie, like who farted or who put the empty milk carton in the fridge, Iāll tell a terrible lie. Iāll not be able to hold a straight face, contradict myself, basically suck at lying.Now everyone I know thinks I canāt tell a lie to save my life. So when I really need a big lie, I nail it every time. No one ever suspects me when I lie straight faced.
*Bring crutches to an airport. Bypass every line (including boarding) and you are chauffeured to your gate the second you pass through security.
*Make up a secret to share with someone- they may open up and share far more valuable real secrets.
*Hereās a classic. Drive over to your 7/11 of choice. Fill up a Slurpee and drop some candy bars in that bitch. Make sure the candy bars arenāt showing. Cover the Slurpee and pay for it. Free Snickers bitch.
*I tell everyone iāve never done any drugs. Suddenly everyone offers me cocaine, ecstasy, pot, lsd. I think iāve had $200 worth of drugs each weekend for free.Same with liquor. āIm not drinking tonightā BOOM! Everyone gives me booze. Its like everyone wants to break your integrity as soon as you tell them you are not doing whatever they are doing.
*If you need to cash from an ATM and its not a large amount, buy a 5 cent piece of gum from a gas station that has the cash back option. Its cheaper than a $3 charge
*Act less intelligent than you really are. Acting stupid can get you out of some tricky situations. Feigning ignorance is way better than admitting you knew better but did it anyway. My old man used to say āIt is easier to beg forgiveness than ask for permissionāā¦sometimes itās true.
*Every time I fly, when I land Iāll pen a little complaint to the airline that flew me. You know, Iāll come up with something like āoh, they denied me a drink! Oh, the food wasnāt vegetarian!ā Whatever miscellaneous hogwash potpourri comes to my crazy brain. And like clockwork, within a business day, theyāre reimbursing me with a $50 voucher, a $100 voucher, I can sell that on the secondary market.
*Iāve always had a lot of success in shutting nosy people up by blaming any personal issue on allergies. Crying from a panic attack? Allergies giving me puffy eyes. Whatās that mysterious pill Iām taking? Allergy meds. Why am I acting spaced out/hungover/tired? Allergies meds making me drowsy.
*If you really wanna get away with some shit, buy a reflective vest, a white hard hat, and a clipboard. You can go ANYWHERE.
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