Thoughts

Random thoughts and blog

[kiarakeandro]

Cycle of Life

Being a Mommy, a Mama or Nanay is challenging. Yes, May is Mother’s Day. I’m thankful for my Mommy because she raised, provided the love, care and understand, that maybe given immediately because her daughter and youngest in the family. My mommy is my hero and compass as I grew up.

I’m a cettified Mama’s girl and no wonder I wanted to be like her when I will be conceive and bear a child. She accepted the I am when no one else does.

A Mother’s Love is divine and endless. I know even though she’s gone. I can feel her presence, warmth and love when I needed the most.

[kiarakeandro]

Breaking Up is Hard To Do

I had three failed relationship. The first was she did not chose me to be her official girlfriend. The second was failed long term relationship because finances and cheating. Last one, it lasted for a one year because of Trust issues and maybe age gap too.

Finding my purpose is hard especially when being alone in a place where only yourself can stand. Ups and downs, twist and turns. Mistakes, shortcomings and the such has been emminent.

Survival and being alive should be prioritized. Challenges over challenges. I even enter the dark side in order for me to be alive.

Having a purpose to live when financial struggle is endless. It was never ending where nobody save me but myself.

[kiarakeandro]

12 Months

Time flies, I can’t imagine that I have been surviving here in Iloilo as I relocated last year. A lot of people along the way. I have been hurt, disappoint and pain but I’m thankful of the learnings.

First Holidays was unexpected turn of events. My hope and goals for better life this coming 2026.

Restarting my new life while acceptings and no expectation from people close to me anymore. Revisiting them is not bring them back but to start a new on my own even though is difficult and rollercoaster.

Merry Christmas!🎄🎄💙💚

[kiarakeandro]

Online Relationship

Romance and dating is very easy nowadays. One chat, one video call or audio call can change everything in a snap.

Across social media you can definitely find a new love today however, that depends on person will meet. A lot of people cam say words but how are they going to keep their promises and even try to keep you. Some people whos looking for temporary happiness, lust and not love.

Its been a year since, I met you. Our first chats and messages I was hesistant because I don’t want to be hurt and feel the pain because I’m tired, drained and stressed however, for some reason, I still entertain you because you are so positive, friendly and loving.

What if what we feel during that is LOVE or just INFATUATION?!?! because its LOVE this should end that fast. Or is it me that I easily fall for you and I know there’s no guarantee if it will lasts.

Depsite of every worry that I have and complication I ended up with you. Days, months and a year and changes took place and I even move mountains just to be with you. However, we have a lot unresolved issues, unaddressed behavioir and people around us and we failed to things maturely.

I have fair share of mistakes, misunderstanding and jealousy and I know there unacceptable excuse on my behavior. I’m sorry for that, but I did that because I’m desparate to see, be loved and care for me. This is not an issue of you having a child at every young age, its how you will take care of our relatiomship and give and take. because that what I deserve.

[kiarakeandro]

Hello!! My Soulmate

Dear Baby,

I’m wiring you this letter as I prayed and manifested you from the universe. Mommy is not perfect, she made a lot mistakes and shortcomings despite of it I decided to keep you no matter what the circumtances that we are to go through. You’re my angel. Mommy will keep you safe from harm and love as much as I can.

Please have patience with mommy. I don’t want to lose you because this how much I love with all my hearts

[kiarakeandro]

A New Place: Place of Love, Confusion and Deceit

Its been 5 months since I moved in this place. I still feel the same way. Questioning myself if the City of Love is for me. I meet new friends, co worker and most especially new love.

Its a challenge when you’re alone to a place where you are not born and live for such a long time. Some people will pretend to help you but take advantage of you because of what you have. Some people will critize you because you have different dialect with them even though that we are in the same country. Some will make feel loved at first but in the end will not make you their priority.

Having work and make ends meet and even got a own place to a land where you don’t belong. I pray and hope that everything will be okay for me for the next coming months.

[kiarakeandro]

Feelings of Invalidation

For couple of months since I moved with my new partner. I can feel she loved me and all but some reason I feel invalidated because I am living with them. I do not have the rights of my feelings either positive or negative, I don’t want to be toxic positive though I am being liked that.

She raised a major life changing situation as a women but at the end of day they don’t want me to take that risk because I am with them. I know I am mature to make decisions but even in our relationship she still wants to takeover and I am not the one to make decision.

So challenging because its draining my energy and this situation affects me at the moment.

[kiarakeandro]

Out of Hand

It's been a month since I transferred to a new place with a special someone. However, things and people aren't working as they should. I understand I cannot control anyone or anybody, but I can control my actions and behavior in a given situation and with difficult people. I am trying my very best to get along with them but things get worse instead of enlightening. Getting the entire place, people and new situations are the challenges however, I face them without knowing how will I take it one at a time. Maybe my best is not good enough that's why everybody does want me at all.

[kiarakeandro]

Challenge and Sadness

I'm in a new place, in a new relationship, and soon a new job. It's been 2 weeks since I arrived at my new home with a new relationship. Everything became more challenging than I ever thought. I appreciate them being true and genuine to their intention but it seems that I am having difficulty in finding my happiness together with them. I find myself being judged, criticized and silently crying to my sleep. Finding happiness together seems afar for now and I don't know how it will go well. I trust the process, that I will learn to love them as they are and accept them for who they are. Then leave all my traumas from the past and move forward with ease as I restart my new life with them.

[kiarakeandro]

Present or Past

I still think about you even though I am in the present. I cannot help but compare and imagine how things could have been if things had gone well and without the intervention of anyone. Would you still love me as we are? If things have not changed. Now, I ask myself if I made the right decision a few months ago. Adjusting to my present has been very challenging. I don't know if I can continue to commit myself to my present knowing myself. The way she treated was better than you. It's been a couple of weeks since I arrived at her place but the silence made me more comfortable. I feel warmth but I don't know what I am looking for right now. There are things that her place can offer me a new start but I don't know if I can be myself enough to heal and forget what happened in the past. Sleepless nights, doubts, and worries are haunting me. Comfortable in an uncomfortable place. Fake it 'til I make it so everything will go well. Changes, new places, and new people that I need to get along with. At first, I thought this would be easy enough for me to push through with it. Present and Past have a lot of differences. One thing I want for now, is to heal and rise from ashes.

[kiarakeandro]

How to Move On in a Year

I had a messy and traumatic breakup from a 12-year relationship with somebody and a heartbreaking death of my dog. I had my fair share of mistakes, shortcomings; love, and care for her. It's not easy go through a break up because it's the pain and hurt from within that you have to go through. I remember my first heartbreak, the same pain but a different situation. Which is better?? Nothing is better because you lost everything you had hoped and planned for even trust to myself was lost too.

I came to a point when I didn't believe in love. I let myself out to meet new people online; however, trust was always an issue because I got betrayed, used, and burned.

Just a thought, is there really a timeframe to move on from a failed relationship? Does 3-month rule apply?

I tried to be fit, mind and body. When I moved to my hometown, reconnected with new connections by looking for a support group while exploring new opportunities. And I made a new routine every place I moved in. I have no luck to look for a career opportunity but I was made available of being volunteer. Volunteering help a lot to move forward on my own pace.

Comparing to my first heartbreak, that was slow pace. Now, it made a little faster because there lots of available support online. Relatives, siblings and closer to you may not help fully however, there are people around who has genuine intentions. Facing it with people who are ready to help and not leave your side.

As I move forward, I will travel once again without any assurance of things that things will be alright. I am trusting a higher power that things will be fine soon. It's vague but I took the risk of a new beginning. I will have to leave some people behind who are dear to me but I hope and pray that they will be alright.

Moving forward to a new. I have carried heartaches, pain, disappointment, and past experiences. Smoothly I trust myself that I will get the full healing with the help of people whom I trusted. Thank you 2024 for making me resilient, strong, and brave.

That's how I move on to a not-so-good year, failed relationships, and grief. I have no achieve for this year but I am slowly moving forward with my life and my goal is not to be stuck in the past.

[kiarakeandro]

Decision at the End of Year 2025

That was the most challenging year for me. After a lot of turning points, disappointments, and worries, on the other hand, I did survive. I'm thankful for my second life.

I have missed opportunities, and new connections and decisions must be made in my best interest. Although there is assurance that everything will be smooth, I trust the process for full healing before the year ends.

Options are there to choose from and at the end of the day. It is how we face every decision bravely and head-on because it is our best. Being alone when making a decision and decerning for it and making bold steps so you can start a new.

To be bold, brave, and courageous to face the new reality of life. I may have fallen but I am now ready to rise and take a risk to see what's in store for me this new year 2025. Decisions can make us or break us however, we rather stand with our decisions in life because that's life after all.

[kiarakeandro]

2024 Life in Review

2024 has brought me many tears, disappointments, setbacks, and grief because I lost my dearest dog. I was lost, hurt, and broken. My mental health has been a rollercoaster ride because of a traumatic experience that I surpass.

My second life began when everybody turned their back on me. Hitting rock bottom was the most meaningful event turnaround of my life because I knew who are my people and people I can trust.

I relocated a lot of times though this made me more resilient and adaptable to wherever I go. And I traveled from place to place, visited a few cities in my country. New connections and disconnection because I needed to move to another place until I came to rest for several months in our hometown.

Trust is costly for 2024. Someone broke my trust as I broke theirs. I learned not to trust easily by being kind and soft-hearted. I acknowledge my imperfection, but it is not easy to be me.

As I pick up the pieces, I stand alone and make decisions that will make my life new. Renewal is very challenging too, I manage to make myself a priority before anybody else. I firmly hear and understand my inner voice with the help of the universe.

In the last part of the year, I started to pick up the pieces of what was left of me. Restart new life. Some people help me out to see that there's still light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. Spark of hope and optimism as I can move forward with the pain, tears, and disappointment .

Thank you 2024 for helping me to be strong, independent, and resilient. Getting ready to close the year with hope and chase my dreams and goals. Setting new goals and aspirations with a new book and left the past in the past behind.

[kiarakeandro]

Embrace Change on 2025

2024 has been the most challenging year. I had a lot of setbacks, heartbreak at its finest. A phase of my life in which I lost a home, a job, and my well-being all at the same time. I am thankful for my siblings despite them having a hard time getting along with them.

As I head towards the end of it. I realized that I am strong, valued, and worthy to receive a new life, a new beginning which I deserve.

I will close 2024 with hope, love, and patience to regain what I lost for this year.

Getting ready for a new life, new dreams, and goals to reach with people who inspire, motivates and push through to be a better version of myself.

[kiarakeandro]

Revisiting the Past and Saying Goodbye

After 10 months of separation, this blog is about revisiting you and letting you go as we part ways for good. As I revisited our past, the pain and hurt got inside once again. I don't know what happened to us along the way, but I may have a fair share of shortcomings and mistakes in our relationship. I tried to reach out to you several times before I left, but I got no response.

I have changed plans for the past few months. I hope this blog will reach you at the right time. I have reached the end of the road, but I hope we are at a crossroads. We will be better people as we separate. I wish you all the best in your life. Thank you for the memories and be part of my life until we meet again.

[kiarakeandro]

The World Suddenly Stop

For the last 10 months, my world suddenly stopped. It was as if my life and I got stuck for a few months. I tried my best to be productive but it seems. This was the first time that everything stopped right in front of my eyes. It's been years that I have continued to strive for freedom and peace of mind, however, due to an unexpected event that happened this past few months. It turned out not in my favor though there are things that I am glad it did not turn the way it should because I get to see the real world.

Now, as I am in the last stretch of 2024. I am grateful for the people whom I knew especially to my new connection and continue to be part of my life no matter what life brings.

As I hail to finish I am glad that I am still alive and never give up on life. Inhaling to new life in a new place next year. My world start once again in 2025.

[kiarakeandro]

Message to my younger self

Dear Younger Self,

Be ready for the life you are about embrace. Embrace you mistakes, your imperfection. I am sorry the things that I have done to people that I valued the most.

Chase your dreams. Embark, take a risk to restart a new life. Never stop chasing your inner voice no matter how hard it is. Don't let anyone put you down and manipulate you even at the your lowest point in life.

Trust yourself and nobody can do that for you, you yourself.

Honey