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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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@kilifire
"Omg, I love these! They go up to size 6X AND they have pockets?! Wow!! But do you have anything longer?" Sure do, no problem!!
"YES these are great!!! But what about.. longer?" I gotcha!! Comin' right up!
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about! But... how about if I'm feeling like it's the kinda day where I need my clothing to be bifurcated???" Never fear, joggers are here!
*wild cheering*
/scene
🖤witchvamp.com🖤 ⁽ᴾˢ ᶦᶠ ʸᵒᵘ'ʳᵉ ˢᵉᵉᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᵖʳᵉᵒʳᵈᵉʳˢ ᵃʳᵉ ᵒᵖᵉⁿ ᶠᵒʳ ˢᵒˡᵈ ᵒᵘᵗ ˢᵗʸˡᵉˢ ⁿᵒʷ⁾
Okay I just got back on this app and..
Tumblr what is this?…I mean it doesn’t look bad but let me tell ya the jumpscare I had when seeing this, this morning, went up my entire body.
its cool that new people are coming to tumblr and all but if they turn it into another one of their brainless, capitalist, algorithm-driven social medias i am literally going to run into the woods and never return
I’m with you OP I’ll get the stick with the cloth at the end that has all the essentials! 
you may ask yourself, what? and you may ask yourself, huh?????
Well I’m logged out of my Twitter account… I mean it’s not really a problem I don’t know why I’m complaining but I know if I post this it will pop up on my Twitter soooo… *posts*
one does not simply remember the word “skillet”
Last night I dreamed that I walked into a hall where a religious dinner was taking place. Each table had six guests and a seventh person to lead them in prayer. I went up to a table which already had a cleric, and informed him I would lead the prayer. We stared each other down, and he ceded his place. I took his seat and performed a strangely secular blessing. The guests at my table held on to my every word, entranced. It soon became clear I was a prophet-like figure to these people, and my words carried a magic that compelled them. We then broke bread together, except the bread was thick slabs of meat, roasted to tenderness, which we tore apart gently and ate with our fingers. When we were sated, we cleaned our hands and stood up to go. Outside it was dark. I led my group down the sidewalk. They asked me questions as we walked, each seeking answers and reassurances for their own lives. I responded neutrally, and spoke as if in code; they seemed satisfied. The night took on the air of dreams. Finally, we came to a bridge. I asked: would they finally cross with me? It emerged that this night had happened before, over and over. Every night I would take the form of a messiah, and attempt to lead them across a bridge. Every night so far they had wavered, because they knew, on some level, I was the devil in disguise.
Then I woke up
Which dream was preferable?
in the hippopotamus dream we were In Love, but it was also extremely graphic which i find traumatic in hindsight
Extremely Graphicly In Love with a hippopotamus sounds exactly like the kind of dream that the devil in disguise would have, tbh
I don’t consider this a disguise actually
#the hippo was female but she topped
you know that guy who gets bit by venomous insects on purpose and rates the pain on a numerical scale?
ok so a scientist who gets bitten by a vampire specifically so she can use herself as a test subject to rate cross-cultural religious objects on their effectiveness as anti-vampire deterrents. sure there’s anecdotal evidence that crosses probably work, but here is hard scientific data that vampires can also be threatened with menorahs
the christian cross and the pagan pentagram are equally effective. the eye of horus has a surprisingly strong bite given that it should be expired by now. the symbol of mjölnir invokes a migraine AND ear ringing that lasts for days. the star of david cremates the scientist instantly on the spot; her ashes have to be shoved in a jar and sprinkled w/ blood so she can reshape overnight. (the last discovery is going to make yom kippur at grandma’s house VERY awkward this year)
#come to think of it menorahs are also objects you light on fire so it gets double damage points probably#plus bludgeoning damage? more powerful and effective all around as a vampire deterrent#…on a scale of humorous blasphemy (good) to culturally insensitive (bad) where would the concept of a Vampire Hunting Rabbi fall?#i mean all these catholic priests are already clogging the market why not add some religious diversity#….Vampire Hunting Squad composed of a priest a rabbi an imam a bhikkhu and a pandit#it’s a Ghostbusters type situation where the whole squad gets called in whenever a vampire’s religious affiliation is unknown#a vampire has the right to be/can only be vanquished by a clergy member of their specific religion…#…so a diverse group of religious leaders has to be kept on call to treat vampiric infestations#they run a side business in demonic de-possession bc you never know which ancient language of scripture a demon can actually speak#no point yelling at someone to get the fuck out in latin if they can’t fucking understand latin (tags from biggest-gaudiest-patronuses)
I like the implication that atheist vampires need the intervention of, like, a theoretical physicist brandishing recent journal articles at them. Effectiveness of publications vary by the rigor of the peer review involved in the publication process.
Scientist vampire branches out into rating academic journals’ peer review processes by how much they burn her when she picks them up.
(Just to be on the safe side - I’m just spitballing here, I don’t actually have a secret research paper about this secreted away. So, YMMV and all that.)
The reason why a vampire can be defeated by a holy man/ an object of faith is because they are the antithesis to what that religion views as good, as the spark of the divine that actually created a human, whatever creation myth you subscribe to. Being turned into a vampire means falling from grace, being cut off from the congregation, having lost your way. For obvious reasons, the figure that we would identify as a vampire in a piece of media is usually coded in the framework of christian faith, maaaaybe in the framework of jewish faith, though I have a hard time to come up with concrete examples where it is treated straight instead of just as a throwaway joke. It is because the first novels that wrote about vampire and codified the lore were usually written by european authors and even if they haven’t been christian, they would still probably have been influenced by the dominant faith. (But there are also throughout different cultures also various vampire-like myths. They are probably not what we would usually be able to identify as such, because despite slight variations - sparkles or no-sparkles, daywalking or nocturnal - the vampires as an established genre fit in a pretty narrow narrative purpose - and the folk-tales fit their cultures).
What I mean is, a christian-coded vampire is depicted the way he is for a reason. Because he is an agent of chaos and evil, he is a poor man’s devil. So it stands to reason that a jewish or a muslim vampire would be different from a christian vampire, according to those religions idea of evil. I don’t know enough about both faiths to even start speculating about it.
Which has hilarious implications. Namely, that a someone who upholds science as their foremost guiding philosophical framework (I hesitate to say an atheist vampire, because I have dealt with enough atheists who were science deniers - and there are enough scientists, who can follow both faith and science without finding one contradicting the other) - that person, upon being turned into a vampire would turn into a science denier and probably lose their ability to conduct those experiments.
The scientist-coded vampire is probably an anti-vaxxer and a conspiracy theorist.
Imma reblog this so I can read it all later-
They say Ranboo laughs like Dream and I’ve decided to interpret this in the worst way.
more Twitter reactions to the Lovejoy EP, ft Scott Smajor, Snifferish, Krinios, ImAlexx, Sneegsnag, JustVurb!
bro we were here 5/9/21
… Who are you really, Wilbur? …
*walks in late with Starbucks* Hey I heard the traitor was alive again, so happy resurrection.
{click for better resolution || reblogs > likes}
they’re just standing there,,,, menacingly
im screme
youm screme
we all screme for
dirt leaf