@calderawizard - Tumblr Blog

its terrible for any number of reasons, but i think if we invent immortality there should be an extreme sport called civilizational speedrunning where teams of 20 go into the wilderness somewhere and try and be the fastest build the first internal combustion engine. i bet you could get it down to like 3 years tops

biggestzam

The real trick is to eat seed heavy food before the speedrun starts so your first poops are halfway to agriculture already

kaiasky

i want you on my team holy shit

apolladay

Before you are two magic buttons. Button A: you will never have to clean your kitchen again (dishes are automatically done; floor swept and mopped; etc). Button B: you will never have to clean your bathroom again (toilet & sink & tub/shower cleaned and sanitized; etc) Which button do you push?

Voting ended onJun 3

heliophile-oxon

So many comments, many of them wise and all of them heartfelt, and yet nobody has thought to add ...

the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. Not only are there dishes every day, not only are there food preparation surfaces of various kinds every day, not only are there crumbs and odds and ends that fall on the floor every day ... but the fridge-freezer is in the kitchen. The oven is in the kitchen, the food cupboards are in the kitchen, and above all THE KITCHEN BIN IS IN THE KITCHEN.

I mean, it's not like the bathroom is all sweetness and light, but seriously! Who in their right mind is choosing the bathroom?!?!?!?

Ils sont fous, ces Romains tumblrains.

sufficientlylargen

Having a magically-self-cleaning bathroom would be cool, but it wouldn't dramatically change my lifestyle.

If I could cook or bake whatever the hell I wanted, knowing that all my pots and mixing bowls and baking sheets would just zap themselves clean when I finished? If I knew that I could spill batter or grease inside the oven or burn things onto baking racks and it would just go away? I would be making delicious shit constantly.

poluche334

godlessondheimite

In 2026, the chicest thing a gay actor can do is never explicitly come out as gay but also make it abundantly clear that he is. Coming out is too modern. Staying closeted is too old fashioned. But this method merges contemporary freedom with Old Hollywood glamour and allure, and it weeds out the dumbest people who truly don’t get it. I call it the Pascal Method.

nobodys-odyssey

Taylor Swift does this

godlessondheimite

no she doesn’t

nobodys-odyssey

You clearly don't go here or to queer history and signaling, or both, enough to have this conversation and I'm not going to explain it to you. You could have asked questions, you could have done even a modicum of research. You didn't and you made yourself look ignorant. Goodbye.

sanjipussyindulgence

the-seelie-court-official

real fucked up that caffeine works differently for people in general than it does for me

the-seelie-court-official

If you have not already, try to get tested for adhd

tomsk1607

wait what

the-seelie-court-official

in response to your tags, the 'hyperactivity' associated with adhd is a bit misleading; often, neurotypical observers will insist people with adhd are 'hyperactive' when they could easily mean something more like 'they have multiple interests which consume many hours of their time at a stretch' or 'they change what activity they are doing in a way i don't like/very often' or even 'they show too much enthusiasm about their hobbies'

now, about caffeine: stimulants work differently in adhd brains. Some doctors believe it is because people w/ adhd do not produce or retain high enough levels of dopamine. Thus, the theory is that stimulants bring an adhd brain closer to 'standard' arousal levels (arousal, here, meaning 'excitement' in general and not sexual arousal).

Important to note: for most people, caffeine literally makes them unable to be tired. Iirc, it blocks melatonin receptors.

If you drink caffeine and get more tired, or if it has literally 'no' effect, your brain is goofing up somewhere. It should literally actually make you more alert and awake. People aren't exaggerating or making up the symptoms commonly associated with caffeine- neurotypical people get caffeine jitters, become more alert, and literally cannot feel tired with large enough doses of caffeine.

(and before anyone asks: i type with the bolding because it is a friendlier way to type long posts for people with adhd- at the very least, people with my type of adhd)

inkk-splatters

why is everything. even slightly abnormal about me. a sign of adhd. like. i know. and i will probably never get diagnosed. tumblr. please. if you're going to offer advice. just. advise better or something.

the-seelie-court-official

you're an individual, so i'm not sure what advise will work for you but

1: if you relate to ADHD posts, you ain't gotta get a diagnosis to use the tips and tricks ppl have posted to help with ADHD

2: if you do have access to a health professional and feel comfortable asking for a new prescription, you don't need a diagnosis to be prescribed non-stimulant ADHD medicine, like strattera or other dopamine-reuptake-inhibitors. hell, if your doctor is cool enough they might get you stimulants without a diagnosis (though there is currently a shortage in the USA, so ymmv)

3. my biggest catch-all tip for ppl w/ ADHD is this: Do it the way you want/need to do it. whatever 'it' is.

If you need to take the cabinet/pantry doors off so you can see what's in there, do it. If you need to store your vegetables in the front of the fridge and not the vegetable drawer so you actually see them before they wilt, do it. If you need music playing to focus on homework, do it. If you need to keep snacks at your desk so you actually remember to eat, do it. If you need to set 16 reminders per day to get your work done, do it. Do it scared, do it wrong. You don't even have to do your best. 30% is better than 0%.

And if you can't do it, that's okay too. There's no wrong way to live your life. Just, you know, live it.

ladyemberswrites

I think the funniest thing about the Jean/Logan/Scott thing that gets X: men fans in such a twist especially the dudebros of the fandom is that their upset at Scott being the "Cuck" in said dynamic and to be honest if you ask me its Scott whose doing more of the cucking and Jean's the one in the cuck chair. Scott leaves Maddie to go makeout with Jean without telling either women about one other and then he's doing telepathic roleplay with Emma and having her dress up as HIS wife while they makeout before Jean walks in on them right in the fucking middle of it. He and Emma also makeout literally on Jean's fucking grave. Jean and Logan usually just share a smooch before one or the other kind of back off, Scott just says fuck it and goes all in.

damnhotpocket

Gema.piano on instagram

Why are all music teachers like this 😭😭😭

communeist

THEY ARE

crematedequally

when i was 8 i had a very intimidating russian woman as a music teacher- she was both my opera instructor and piano teacher. about a month into piano, she sat me down and said to my mother and i "this child- very beautiful voice, good for singing. i will not allow this child to continue piano. god did not want this child to play an instrument. he told me this in dreams. that is all."

my mom had it written down on a slip so we could remember the exact words because it was so funny. i HATED playing piano and i was definitely not good at it (i did end up having a good 5 years of opera training and ended up being a pretty accomplished choir singer though) and the idea of god sending my incredibly severe and serious russian piano teacher a dream begging her to stop teaching me piano was probably the funniest way it could have gone.

playthings2007

Completely lost all concepts of joke comprehension for a moment because my instinct was to register this as a new type of kitchencel

queer-as-city-folk

Anti-city people are just plain fascinating to me

wizardarchetypes

today i died at sea

wizardarchetypes

i'm a romantic you see

lesbianshepard

one of the funnier incidents of me assuming someone knew a meme irl was when a new coworker was talking about some woman who got arrested for tax fraud and I went "God forbid women do anything" and he got scared and thought I was accusing him of being sexist, so he started apologizing and saying how tax fraud isn't even bad, actually.

lesbianshepard

very funny seeing people tag this with various fictional characters who are nothing like the actual guy who this story is about. None of these fictional men seem like they would have an encyclopedic knowledge of NASCAR!

kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd

sickens me to my stomach. how dare this guy get to live my dream.

acutecoral

Some clarifications and an update

biglawbear

This person has more emotional intelligence and healthier skills in navigating relationships than most people

derinthescarletpescatarian

Chickens love to peck at hard things to make a variety of interesting sounds and my new ladies have just discovered The Tin Fence.

beka-tiddalik

They're also a big fan of Chipped Ceramic Plate if you feel like experimenting

derinthescarletpescatarian

Ooh I have some leftover floor tile fragments, I should give them some of those.

nipple-brains

I've seen people give their chooks kids you xylophones and they love them!!

welcometothejunkpile

Mine are a big fan of sealed plastic bucket of water sealant paint that we haven't moved yet.

derinthescarletpescatarian

My old hens loved Window and every day I feel blessed that my new ones haven't discovered it yet.

spinachwrap

Mine have an old mirror, parrot toy with tiny bell, metal toy pan. All of these things make fun sounds when pecked 👍

derinthescarletpescatarian

I should get them a wind chime

ladydei

Idk you may quickly regret Wind Chime

derinthescarletpescatarian

I regret my chickens every day

astercontrol

TIL any chicken coop can be an entire all-percussion orchestra bangin out the tunes

snat-snailcat

Reblogging this a second time bc my baby girls got a new xylophone and I have to share it with the class

Banging out some tunes fr

stuffman-main

imagine if you will, a fairly dry survival crafting game in which you live in a bunker and must periodically venture out to scavenge food, set up turrets for attacking monsters, etc

now, your computer inside the bunker has a game-inside-a-game on it which is a charming farming sim of undeniably greater quality and scope than the survival game you're playing. therefore, the object of the game becomes to keep your bunker secure so you can play the farming game more.

now, once you achieve the highest rating in the farming game, a secret shop inside it unlocks, and one of the novelty items you can purchase is a game console, giving you access to games-inside-a-game-inside-a-game. most of the games for it are typical mobile shovelware, but one of them is a highly polished, extremely brutal precision platformer with amazing level design and production values exceeding that of the survival game and farming sim combined.

it is only at this point that the purpose of this entire contrivance becomes clear: to create the most deranged speedrun community the world has ever seen.