This house is Bitchin' @killerkitty707 - Tumblr Blog

yllcm

if you decide to unmute anything on this hellsite today please for the love of god let it be this

papasmoke

I board the starship enterprise. I go to a food replicator. I order ‘soup, no bowl’ I leave

scooplery

jadehansen

hahahahahaha

secretsunkept

😂😂😂😂😂 I HAAAAATTTEEEE this!

warchiefwindrunner

DO WEREWOLVES HAVE TOE BEANS

stopaskingformykik

of course they have toe beans what else do you suck on

warchiefwindrunner

if there is a god, mine is surely a trickster, giving me the miracle of sight and of comprehension only for me to be cursed to use it on what you just said

sartorialadventure

badjokesbyjeff

John gets pulled over on the highway for speeding…

John: “Is there a problem officer?”

Cop: “You exceeded 80 in 55 zone. May I see your license?”

John: “ahhhh, why don’t I spare you the trouble, officer? I don’t have a license, so I shouldn’t be driving this car that I jacked from this dude I just killed. The gun I used is right here in the glove box and his body is in that trunk”

Cop: “Holy shit!”

The cop contacts his PD and in moments there are more cops everywhere. The chief of police steps up.

Chief: “Sir, may I see your license?”

John: “Sure”

John had his license

Chief: “May I see the vehicle’s owner registration?”

John: “Sure”

It was his car

Chief: “Could you open your glove box?”

John: “Sure”

There were no weapons

Chief: “Could you pop open your trunk?”

John: “Be my guest”

There were no bodies in the trunk

Chief: “Sorry to put you through this, but the officer who called me said you were driving without a license, you had stolen the car, you had a gun in the glove box, and the owner’s dead body in the trunk”

John: “Yeah, I bet that lying son of a bitch also told you that I was speeding”