welcome to my burning trash can

[kitchencel]

hi hello im beloved or jeff the healer/the griller/the transer/the switcher or alex or hornets

i have a bunch of disorders and syndromes one of which causes having alters

adult, white, bald and nuanced, raised by a wire mother and a cloth father.

so mentally stable you could park several horses up there.

this is the blog on which i post nonsense as well as reblog whatever seems worthy of my treasure pile. this is also the main blog so follows and likes come from here.

i'm not very consistent wrt tagging common triggers but like if you need something tagged you can send an ask and hope i won't forget about it idk. also there's not that much posts on here in which commonly triggering things are included.

here's our pronouns.cc (very much a work in progress)

here's some sideblogs

here's some explanations for tags and whatnot in case you're confused as to what a tag means

don't follow my blog if you have an obnoxiously long dni on which i appear two or more times

[userbox from @/userboxvariety]

[kitchencel]

i was desperately craving pickles (of the fermented variety not the dunked in acid variety) so i slowly wobbled towards my nearest ladybug store and got two jars and the first jar is unbearably salty 😔 and the second will prbly be roughly the same 😔 fuck my stupid baka life

[kitchencel]

i seem to have fucked up a little bit yesterday.

anyway, gamers whats the normalest way to tell a guy "i have like a negative amount of interest in you and the only reason i called you to ask if you could perchance come hug me is that i was at like 8/10 pain and 6/10 dread and don't have phone numbers of anyone else who lives roughly the same distance away from me and walking around and wailing until someone appears and indulges me was kinda undoable on account of the 8/10 pain also i'm a dyke"

[redstonedust]

hate how step trackers try to tell me how many calories im burning like im not HERE for that!!! im going on walks to gain enough leg strength to kick my enemies to death!! stop telling me about my calories!!!

[kitchencel]

while middle class usamericans play their pre ordered pokemon legends zaza on their pre ordered nintendo switch two middle class poles are playing a pirated copy of mario world on their 5 in 1 console (aka mildly fancy looking weak computer with five emulators in it) made out of polish shit metal (same material pjackk was made out of)

[rustlingpapers]

Fem Heavy wip 👅

[aroacexuemeng]

not the twitter migrants putting "reblog heavy" in their bios on here... like yeah. that's what we do here

[doggirlhen]

reblog heavy

[innerchildabortionclinic]

idk if you use the tumblr app or the mobile web browser version or whatever but my phone also overheated like crazy when i was using the tumblr app but i deleted it and it hasn't overheated since so maybe that could help??

maybe it's because tumblr is ontologically evil

[kitchencel]

i would like to go get pickles but its raining very hard and also thundering a little and i dont quite have enough functional limbs to carry an umbrella and walk at the same time :(

[byjove]

everybody: you’ve got to advocate for yourself in medical settings!

medical professionals when a patient advocates for themselves in a medical setting (x100 if that patient is a part of any minority): damn. you’re a hypochondriac crazy bitch who has every mental illness and is seeking every narcotic in existence. that’s the only reason you’d be disappointed in the care you’re receiving here. in retaliation, we will be even less helpful and less sympathetic. our jobs are hard. people are dying. we don’t have time to deal with anyone who is slightly inconvenient for us.

[kitchencel]

throwback to that one time we were miserable for days like awful abdominal pain awful joint pain barely able to walk unassisted kind of able to walk assisted so like we didnt leave our bed for like anything other than using the restroom or making some tea with sugar and lillie belovedsys decided that what our body needs is a cigarette and a can of white monster and it actually worked

[kitchencel]

doctors are a scam and will prescribe you either seeing a different doctor or mouse bites if they even bother prescribing anything. little white girls however can intuit which drugs will solve the issue

[kitchencel]

tried white monster + a few cmigattes since i'm currently miserable in a similar way and it helped a lot. like i still am miserable but not "genuinely considering donating all my earthly possessions to people in need as i await death" miserable

[kitchencel]

some sack of shit wasp mimic decided to hover over my can of white monster as if it thought i'm both stupid enough and healthy enough to scram and let it drink my poisons with hardly any nutrience in them

[kitchencel]

like. dude. you very clearly have fly eyes and are very clearly hovering, in addition to not having a wasp waist. everyone can tell you're a hoverfly, either get better at camouflage or find something else to kill yourself with.

[kitchencel]

even if it passed for the most venomous hornet to ever exist i wouldnt be trying to scram i would just get ready to call an ambulance if need be. on account of i'm pretty unwell and best i could do scramming wise is very slowly wobble away on crutches

[kitchencel]

some sack of shit wasp mimic decided to hover over my can of white monster as if it thought i'm both stupid enough and healthy enough to scram and let it drink my poisons with hardly any nutrience in them

[kitchencel]

like. dude. you very clearly have fly eyes and are very clearly hovering, in addition to not having a wasp waist. everyone can tell you're a hoverfly, either get better at camouflage or find something else to kill yourself with.

[kitchencel]

some sack of shit wasp mimic decided to hover over my can of white monster as if it thought i'm both stupid enough and healthy enough to scram and let it drink my poisons with hardly any nutrience in them

[nonbinary-jakey]

the #1 thing the olympics are about besides like. nationalism. is about how much of a genetic freak you are. like you basically have to be a genetic freak to compete on the highest level, but apparently being a girl who has or has had a dick makes you too much of a genetic freak for the "who's the biggest genetic freak" competition

[kitchencel]

cats are wise beasts. they communicate clearly, with a mix of speech and body language. they can be employed. a sunflower has no speech or body language whatsoever and may or may not rip my face straight off as soon as i lower my guard, depending on how it's feeling, which it doesn't communicate in any way, and the only job it can do is getting lead poisoning.

[kitchencel]

shoutout to that one cat who worked as a part time greeter slash emotional support animal at a mental health clinic i used to go to. he wasnt trained for that nor was he intentionally hired he just started showing up one day and kept showing up because people there would pet him and human employees started putting out food and water for him. one of the dangers of having outside cats is that your cat might get hired while you aren't paying attention then get fat off the wages it's not sharing with you or even telling you about.

[kitchencel]

that cat wasn't like life-threateningly obese but he was definitely on the chonkier side, due to being employed and thus being fed not only by his owner but also by his workplace. and he was a really polite lad. like, many cats are pretty easy to anger enough for them to bite and/or scratch you, this feller needed like at least a couple tugs on the tail to even consider any aggression. he was basically born for that job. he was also the reason weve realized we seem to be developing a mild allergy to cat saliva (one of iirc three allergens cats have. if youre allergic to some cat secretion, depending on which allergen is an issue for you and how severe your allergy is there may or may not be cats that are perfectly safe for you to own) because he had a tendency to drool a little as he purred and at some point weve started to have red itchy spots where he drooled on us, which then progressed to having red itchy spots significantly larger than the area that had direct contact with cat saliva, which then progressed to getting our whole hands itchy and reddish from prolonged cat petting and occasionally itchy nose and or eyes if the cat being petted prolongedly was shedding

[cheaphalloweencostume]

im now acting like a child by wanting to watch rated R movies