Fox & Focus

Supporting mental health recovery.

[kitsunekai4200]

This is a new journey for me. I am on my own healing journey and I felt like that my experience will not only help me heal from my trauma but to also show that others, who suffer like me, are not alone.

This has been a long, painful, and even at times, a pointless endeavor.

My world was slowly getting smaller and darker by the day. My depression was taking away my will to do anything. Making a simple cup of coffee felt like such a chore. Talking to my family/friends was a mountain to climb every single day.

My children, who I love more than anything, would come up to me ask me if I was okay in the middle of crying.

I would spend days wondering what was the point of everything.

I pushed people away. I avoided everything and everyone.

Then the other day, I thought to myself “How is this going to help me? How am I supposed to heal when I don’t let anyone know what’s going on? How am I supposed to get better if all I do is be depressed?”

I hated that feeling. The feeling that I couldn’t do anything because of my mental health. The feeling that I was “too broken”. The feeling that I will never heal.

I don’t want anyone to feel this way. I don’t want anyone to feel like they are alone.

I see you. I hear you. I feel your pain and your loneliness. This is not the end but a new beginning. Your journey is not over.

[kitsunekai4200]

✨🦊 Fox Den Polyamory Adventures 🦊✨

(aka: plural dating but make it chaotic and cute)

⸻

So, What’s It Like Being a System Dating Other Systems in Polyamory?

Okay, imagine a whole den of foxes. Now imagine that den trying to date another den of foxes. Yeah. That’s what it feels like. Chaotic, sparkly, occasionally confusing, but also ridiculously soft and wholesome.

Multiplicity Meets Multiplicity

Being a DID system already means we’re plural—we’ve got a whole group living in one body, each of us our own little fox with different personalities, likes, dislikes, and life stories.

Now add polyamory into the mix. Suddenly, it’s not “me dating you.” It’s:

• me (but also not-me, depending who’s fronting),

• my fox den,

• your fox den,

• and sometimes another fox den if it’s a polycule situation.

It’s like group chats inside our heads are sending memes to group chats inside their heads. 🦊📲🦊

The Cute Chaos™

Polyamory already takes communication. System-to-system polyamory? That’s communication plus ten. Because:

• Consent = multilayered. One alter being into something doesn’t mean the whole system is. So we’re constantly checking in: “You cool with this? You cool with this? Anyone in the back have objections?”

• Scheduling = wild. Like: “We said movie night… but the one who wanted to watch just switched out and now the one fronting would rather nap.” Rip.

• Feelings = spaghetti. One of us might have a massive crush, another might just want to vibe platonically, and someone else might be suspicious of the whole thing. (Imagine foxes all pulling the den blanket in different directions.)

But here’s the thing: nobody’s confused when someone switches mid-date, or when you’re like, “Sorry, lost time, can you catch me up?” Because they’ve been there too. That kind of mutual understanding? Priceless.

Why It’s Actually Wonderful

Dating other systems means we don’t have to mask or explain ourselves constantly. There’s no judgment about memory gaps, or about suddenly acting different because someone else fronted. It’s just… normal.

And when you mix that with polyamory, you end up with this warm little network of foxfires. If one of us burns out, someone else can glow brighter for a while. If one system is struggling, another can step in with compassion because they get it.

It feels less like “me and you” and more like “our dens curled up together by the same campfire, tails all tangled, keeping each other warm.” Cozy chaos.

Final Fox Noises 🦊✨

So yeah—system-to-system polyamory isn’t “simple.” But honestly? Simple is overrated. It’s messy, it’s tender, it’s validating, and it’s full of inside jokes no singlet would ever understand.

Is it confusing? Yes.

Is it worth it? Also yes.

Would I trade it for anything else? Absolutely not.

Many foxes. Many selves. Many loves. One big constellation of tails under the stars. 🌌🦊💞

insert chaotic fox screeches here

⸻

Bonus FAQ Because Tumblr Demands It

Q: So how many people are actually in the relationship?

A: Math is fake.

Q: Do you all share one giant group chat?

A: Multiple, actually. It’s like a Russian nesting doll of chats.

Q: Isn’t that confusing?

A: Yes. Next question.

Q: Do you ever accidentally date someone twice (like one alter crushing on them while another also does)?

A: …Listen. It happens. We work it out.

Q: Do you have a group Google Calendar?

A: No, but we should. Please don’t give us more ideas.

Q: Is it worth the chaos?

A: Always. 🦊💕

⸻

✨ thanks for coming to our fox talk ✨

[kitsunekai4200]

I do not do this often.

I’ve always said I don’t like politics. To me, it often feels like a game where people compete to make the nicest promises on TV, only for those promises to disappear once the cameras turn off. That’s why I usually stay out of political conversations.

But today I need to speak up, because the assassination of Charlie Kirk is one of those moments where silence feels wrong.

Let me be very clear: I did not support Charlie Kirk. I disagreed with his political stances on almost every level. I didn’t like the way he framed conversations about LGBTQ+ people, about identity, about the role of government, and a whole lot more. I never followed him, never cheered him on, and I certainly never approved of his vision for America.

But here’s the thing—disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean they deserve to die. Kirk was a human being, a father, a husband, a friend to many. His life was valuable simply because it was his life. The idea that someone should be assassinated because of their opinions is horrifying, and it cuts at the very heart of what we say America is supposed to stand for: the right to speak, the right to dissent, and the right to live without fear of being killed for your beliefs.

If you are celebrating his death, I want you to really think about what that says. It’s not about politics anymore at that point—it’s about your own humanity. Because if we start cheering for violence against people simply for having the “wrong” opinion, then we’ve lost the very thing that makes freedom possible.

I’ll be transparent about who I am so you understand the perspective I’m coming from: I’m pansexual and polyamorous. I’m engaged to someone who is non-binary. I believe in same-sex marriage. I stand firmly with the trans community. And yes, I also support the right of Americans to own guns.

In other words, I could not have disagreed more with much of what Kirk stood for politically. And yet I will still say this loudly: no one deserves to die for their beliefs. Not him, not anyone.

We can (and should) fight against ideas we believe are harmful. We can protest, we can debate, we can advocate for laws and protections. But once we cross the line into violence—once we decide that death is an acceptable punishment for speech—we abandon the very principles that are supposed to protect *all* of us.

So let this be a reminder, no matter where you fall on the political spectrum: life is precious, and freedom of speech is not just for the people you agree with—it’s also for the people you can’t stand.

[kitsunekai4200]

So like…it’s not a poem exactly….but…it is? I’ve written it like I’m performing it on stage….if yall like this, I can do more of these along side my blog posts…..

[Opening, center stage, quiet, tense]

[lights dim, buzzing of electric lights, a cough in the dark]


It’s hard to trust.
[Pause, inhale sharply]
…after the lies.
…after the betrayals.
[Look down, shoulders tense]

The insecurities—
[Lean forward slightly, voice low, trembling]
the ones I swore I killed—
crawl back out of their graves.

The intrusive thoughts—
[Shake head slowly, voice rising]
they don’t whisper.
They scream.
[Beat, pause for effect]
They echo until my head feels like it’s splitting.

And the panic attacks—
[Clutch chest lightly, inhale sharply]
they come in waves.
Unforgiving.
Unrelenting.
[Step back slightly]
Stealing every breath like they own me.

And then—
[Freeze, tense, whisper]
the second-guessing.
Of everything.
Of everyone.
Of myself.

I thought I buried it.
I thought I was stronger.
I thought I left it behind.

But then—
[Look up suddenly, voice breaking]
you return.

And suddenly—
[Hand to chest, shake lightly]
the wounds rip open.
Raw.
Bleeding.
Burning like they never healed at all.

Memories I never asked for—
[Step side to side, pace slightly]
slam into me like fists.
Like ghosts that won’t stay dead.

And I slip.
[Drop slightly onto knees, voice soft]
Back into old coping habits.
Withdrawing.
Hiding.
Bottling everything inside.

Until one small thing—
[Look to audience, wide eyes]
something no one else would even notice—
becomes world-ending for me.

Survival mode.
Switch flipped.
Numb.
Cold.
Automatic.

And the nights—
[Voice barely above a whisper, clutch pillow or imaginary object]
the nights are endless.
Tears soaking pillows.
Questions clawing at my chest.

Why did you hate me?
Why did you hurt me?
Why did you ruin me?
[Repeat, voice rising, almost a scream, step forward]

Over and over.
Until the questions start sounding like blame.
Until I start blaming myself.

And my throat—
[Clutch throat lightly, look down, pause]
it’s burning.
Words stuck.
Sharp.
Jagged.
Begging to be screamed.

But nothing comes out.
[Look away, voice breaking, shake head]
Because even if I said it all—
even if I demanded answers—
I wouldn’t believe you.

You could swear you’ve changed.
You could swear you’re different.
But your words—
[Lean forward, intense eye contact with audience]
they’d taste like poison.

I can’t see proof.
I can’t feel proof.
And without proof—
I’ll never trust.

So I stay stuck.
[Slowly pace stage, hands loose at sides]
Suspended between silence and rage.
Between the desperate urge to forget—
and the agony of remembering.

Between the hope that maybe—just maybe—
[Pause, breathe, tilt head slightly]
you’ve changed.

…and the certainty
[Long pause, stare into distance, whisper, soft]
that you never will.

[End, stand still, breathe, let the silence land]

[kitsunekai4200]

It hurts.

Gods, it hurts.

It rips through me like teeth at my throat. Like fire licking through my fur while I scream, and no one even turns their head to look. I pour myself into the things I love — my little sparks of joy, the hobbies that keep my soul from collapsing — and not a single fox I love bothers to even pretend they care. Do you know how heavy that feels? To want to heal, to claw my way out of the pit, only to be told my way of surviving is wrong? To just want to curl up, sob until my chest cracks open, and be held — and to look around, and no one is there?

It pulls me under. It gnaws at me until I almost believe it: that no one truly cares. That I am only wanted for my loyalty, my love, my devotion — things I give freely, wildly, until my paws are shredded. I am used, used, used — and still unseen.

They’ve seen the scars. They’ve seen the outside. But my soul? No. No one has touched that. No one has bothered to look past the fur and claws and see ME.

And that’s the difference.


Scars tell a story of survival — proof that I’ve walked through storms, proof that I endured. My soul, though? That fire is mine. My soul is all I have left, the only piece I haven’t surrendered, and gods help me, I will never let anyone own it.

But my heart?

It lies.

My mind?

It plays cruel tricks.

My body aches with every winter, breaking down under the weight.

And the scars I hide aren’t even visible. They burn in silence. Only those closest to me know the anguish — and most of them don’t want to know.

Do you know what it’s like to finally whisper your pain, only to hear, “Suck it up. Get over it. Deal with it yourself”?

If love was real, wouldn’t it move mountains for the one it clings to? Wouldn’t it fight tooth and claw to heal them? Wouldn’t it learn their wounds, their fears, and wrap them in safety instead of ripping them open again?

But no. Humans throw the wounded fox straight into fire, straight into chaos, then act shocked when she comes out burned worse than before. They don’t cradle. They don’t nurture. They don’t stay.

Instead, they spit:


“Take the pills.”
“Drown it in booze.”
“Snort the lines.”
“Why are you flinching? No one hit you.”
“You’re an adult. Grow the fuck up. No one cares about your drama.”

And that breaks me more than claws or fire ever could.

Because I didn’t ask for this!

I didn’t ask to be carved hollow. I didn’t ask to be betrayed by the ones who swore to guard my den. I didn’t ask for lies whispered into my ears like lullabies, only to find out they were poison. I didn’t ask to stay awake night after night, wondering what I did wrong to deserve this endless bleeding.

If I’m honest? Some nights I wish I didn’t even have a heart.

Because this damned heart makes me feel guilty for hating those who destroyed me. GUILTY for wanting to say no. Guilty for wanting to protect myself. If I had no heart, I could be cold. I could be untouchable. I could be like them — the ones who smiled in my face as they sharpened their knives. The ones who held me as I cried, whispering false promises, all while lighting the match that burned my world down.

So yes, it hurts.

It rips me apart when I glance at the clearing — at the empty bleachers where my support was supposed to be. It crushes me when I look at the pages I wrote with my soul bleeding through them, and they sit there unread, untouched, forgotten.

And the cruelest thought of all?

Maybe no one ever truly wanted to see me. Not my fur. Not my scars. Not even my soul.

Just the pieces they could take and devour.

[kitsunekai4200]

🌅🦊 good morning from the den 🦊🌅

this fox wants to start with an apology. my pawprints here have been uneven lately — sometimes clear, sometimes vanishing into the undergrowth. life has been tugging at my tail from every direction, and i’ve been struggling to keep pace.

homeschooling my little kits has been both a blessing and a challenge, requiring more patience and creativity than i sometimes have to give. on top of that, the thorns of financial stress keep snagging me no matter how carefully i move. and then, as if the forest wasn’t heavy enough, my ex slunk back into the clearing — stirring old wounds, old echoes.

at the same time, the universe reminded me that not all ghosts come to hurt. an old friend I hadn’t spoken to in eleven years suddenly appeared again, and it’s left me reflecting on how time bends and circles back, how some connections never truly fade.

my system has been stirred deeply by all of this. some new alters have stepped forward recently, carrying fresh energy and voices, while others are still hurting from our ex-partner’s system suddenly reappearing in our orbit. the den has been noisy, unsettled, and tender — we’re trying to listen to each other, even when it hurts.

amid the chaos, there is still light: my birthday is just around the corner 🎂🦊✨ and my fiancé is coming to visit. that thought feels like a shaft of sunlight breaking through the canopy, a reminder that joy and love still walk beside me, even when shadows crowd the path.

so if i’ve seemed distant, know that i’m still here, moving carefully through the forest, step by step. thank you for your patience with this fox. truly, it means more than i can put into words.

🌿 may your morning be gentle, your paws steady, and your heart reminded that even in tangled woods, we’re never walking alone. 🦊💛

[kitsunekai4200]

🦊 Dawn Blessings from the Kitsune 🦊🌅

The sun has stretched her golden claws across the treetops, and this kitsune rises—fur wild from restless dreams, tails heavy with the weight of yesterday’s shadows. No sacred brew of beans yet to stir my spirit—only fox fire, patience, and the will to keep moving forward. ☕🔥

The forest teaches me this: no matter how dark the night, the light always finds its way between the branches. 🌿✨

Yesterday, a shadow-creature from my past crept near—like a raccoon slinking into the clearing, pretending it belonged where it did not. 🦝 Normally, my fangs would flash, and my fire would chase it back into the undergrowth. But when a kit’s safety glimmers at the center of the story, instinct softens into wisdom. Kits remind us: every choice carries weight. Not all battles are won by striking first.

That is the way of foxes—clever, watchful, enduring. We wait. We listen. We sharpen our instincts not only for the leap, but for the pause before it. A fox who survives is not the one who runs fastest, but the one who knows when to curl their tails close and bide their time.

So, little foxes of this den: if you stand at a fork in the forest path, do not despair. The thorns cannot last forever, and the clearing will always return. It is no weakness to rest, to gather your spirit, to choose carefully. Survival is sacred. Patience is power. 🦊💫

I bless you this morning with safe dens, clever paws, and fire that will not go out. May the moss be soft beneath your feet, may your tails carry you lightly, and may your hearts stay sharp as your teeth. 🌙🔥

And perhaps—if the spirits are kind—may coffee find us swiftly. ☕🦊

[kitsunekai4200]

𖥔 good morning, little foxes 🌞🦊✨

the forest is waking up, tails flicking and ears twitching at the new day ahead. some foxes are ready to zoom through the trees, others are still yawning in their dens — both are perfectly okay. 🍃

🦊— ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —🦊

recovery is kind of like being a fox learning new trails:
sometimes you leap gracefully, sometimes you trip over a root,
and sometimes you just sit and sniff the breeze to remind yourself you’re here.
every one of those moments still counts. 🐾

🌿🍂𖦹 🦊 𖦹🍂🌿

today, try to give yourself credit for the small things.
𖦹 drinking water? victory.
𖦹 taking a shower? victory.
𖦹 resting because you need it? also victory.

your healing doesn’t have to be dramatic to be real — even the quietest pawsteps move you forward.

🦊⋆｡°✩⋆☾⋆✩°｡⋆🦊

so wag your tail, stretch those paws, and take the day one gentle step at a time.
you’re doing better than you think, little fox. 🌿🦊💛

[kitsunekai4200]

---

🌙✨🦊 **goodnight, little foxes** 🦊✨🌙

as the night settles in, i just want to remind you: surviving is no small thing.

some of us came from dens that weren’t safe — places that taught us to question our worth, or shrink ourselves just to keep the peace.

but you’re still here. you made it through. and that matters more than anything.

🦊 foxes are small, but they’re clever. they know how to find hidden paths, how to keep moving even when the forest feels heavy. that’s what you’ve done too — found a way forward, even when it wasn’t easy.

tonight, as you curl up in your own den, i hope you feel how far you’ve come. you are not “too much.” you are not broken. you are tender, resilient, and still capable of joy.

༺🦊༻

you carry strength in your survival.

you carry softness in your heart.

you carry both, and that makes you whole.

༺🦊༻

rest now, little foxes. tomorrow will come, and with it, another chance to step gently into the world.

you deserve peace. you deserve comfort. you deserve safe places to rest your head.

goodnight. may your dreams remind you of the open fields waiting for you beyond the dark trees. 🌌🍂

---

[kitsunekai4200]

---

𖥔 **good morning, foxes** 🌞🦊🍂

the forest feels calm this sunday morning — cool air, soft light through the trees, the kind of day where foxes stretch slowly, tails flicking, and take gentle pawsteps instead of rushing through the trails.

🦊— ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ —🦊

today, I’ll be sharing more openly about some of the heavier parts of my own path:

✧ the weight of a narcissistic ex and how that relationship shaped me

✧ the ways those experiences ripple into my life even now

✧ the poly trauma that left behind layers of insecurity I still have to untangle

recovery isn’t about pretending the shadows don’t exist. it’s about learning to walk beside them, and still notice where the sunlight breaks through the branches. 🌤️

🌿🍂𖦹 🦊 𖦹🍂🌿

being with someone narcissistic left me doubting myself at every turn. it made me question whether my needs were “too much,” whether I was lovable, whether my instincts could be trusted. in the poly dynamic, she created chaos and insecurity I carried long after the relationship ended. even now, I catch myself second-guessing my worth, comparing unfairly, and wondering if I’ll ever feel fully safe in love again.

but here’s the truth: **I am doing better.** slowly, pawstep by pawstep, I’ve been rebuilding trust in myself. I’ve started to notice my growth, even when it feels small. and I see now — my insecurities don’t define me; they’re simply part of what I’m healing through.

🦊⋆｡°✩⋆☾⋆✩°｡⋆🦊

healing looks different every day.

𖦹 sometimes it’s bounding across a clearing, tail high, free and strong.

𖦹 sometimes it’s curling in the den, tending wounds, surviving quietly.

both are valid. both are progress.

so thank you, foxes, for walking this trail with me. today’s posts will be honest, sometimes heavy, but always written with light in mind — because no matter how dark the woods feel, *foxes always find their way back to the warmth.* 🌿🦊💛

✧･ﾟ: *✧ affirmations for any foxes who need them today ✧* :･ﾟ✧

✧ your needs are not “too much.”

✧ you are not defined by the harm someone else caused.

✧ you deserve safe love, and you are learning to recognize it.

✧ healing doesn’t have to be fast to be real.

✧ you are enough, right now, exactly as you are.

🌙🦊𖤐🍃𖤐🦊🌙

let’s make this sunday slow, gentle, and kind. 🍃

---

[kitsunekai4200]

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

🌙✨🦊

somewhere in the quiet, the night-fox runs through the stars,


her paws leaving trails of silver light.
follow her if you dare—


she’ll lead you to the kind of dreams that glow. 🌌

rest well, fox souls


tomorrow waits with open skies.

🌲🦊💫

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

[kitsunekai4200]

ꕤ 🦊 Poem for Self Love 🦊 ꕤ

🌸🌙🌺

A fox curls in her own embrace,
no need for another to hold her in place.

Her tail wraps warm, a blanket of gold,
a story of love that she’s learning to hold.

🥀💫🍀

The forest hums softly, the river runs true,


“Little fox,” it whispers, “your love starts with you.”

She lifts her head high, her spirit set free,
for self-love is a den
where the heart learns to be.

✨🦊💜

[kitsunekai4200]

🌿🦊 𝓐 𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓵𝓮 𝓟𝓪𝓾𝓼𝓮 🦊🌿

˗ˏˋ ✿ ˎˊ˗ Today the den is glowing with soft light,
and I’ve decided there will be no heavy posts today.

Not every day has to be about digging into old wounds.
Sometimes, even foxes curl up in the meadow 🌼🦊
and let the sun warm their fur without remembering storms.

🦊🍂🦊

So today, let’s just

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡ chase sunbeams, stretch our paws,
and breathe in the gentler parts of life.

No heavy shadows. No hard lessons.
Only light. Only softness. Only joy. 🌸

🌲🦊🌲

Here in the fox den, we’re taking a break—
a day of bright tails swishing in open fields.

🍄🦊🍄

Come rest with me in this moment. ✨

🦊🌸🦊
🌳🦊🌳

[kitsunekai4200]

✦☀️✦


🦊🌿 Mid-Afternoon Check-In 🌿🦊


✦☀️✦

Hello lovely souls,

I know today’s good morning post is arriving a little later than usual. Instead of running straight from my den to the page, I spent the morning curled up with my nesting partner and our little kits.

Sometimes the most important part of healing is learning to pause and simply be—to soak up warmth, laughter, and love with the foxes you call family. 🦊❤️

ꕤ ✦ ꕤ ✦ ꕤ

Every day in recovery has its rhythm.
Some mornings we’re out chasing the sun as soon as it rises,
other mornings we linger in the safety of the den,
letting our hearts remember what home feels like.

Both are valuable. Both are healing. ✨

ꕤ ✦ ꕤ ✦ ꕤ

So here’s your mid-afternoon reminder:
it’s never too late to take a deep breath, reset your paws,
and choose joy in the moment you’re standing in.

Whether you’ve been running through the forest all day
or just now stretching awake,
you are still right on time.

Sending you warmth, light,
and a little tail-wag of encouragement.

🦊💛

[golden-letters]

bitch this is all you’re gonna get. this life, this face, this body. you better not ‘maybe in another universe’ your way out of everything. sit your ass down and face this. go make tea and have a picnic and read a goddamn book. kiss your loved ones, send that damn text, and hug your siblings. this is all you’re gonna get.

[vi-2001]

“My body will heal a little, my mind will become a little clearer, and my relationship with my Higher Power will strengthen.” - Just for today NA

Your higher power is whatever you want it to be.

One day at a time, keep going. You’ve got this.

[ifindmyselflongingforchange]

August 15, 2025

Recovery isn't linear. RECOVERY ISN'T LINEAR!

It's not. But when you fall the most important thing is to get back up. You can fall, you can take steps back, and through all that give yourself grace. But when you fall, don't stay down, get back up.

This is something I am currently struggling with at the moment. I want to be candid here. I relapsed in some ED behaviors as well as minor self-harm. I fell. And I am fighting so many thought not to just through in the towel. I need to stand back up. I am trying, but I know that I use the excuse of "I'm trying" as an excuse for not doing.

So far I have been fighting off many urges and falling deeper and I am succeeding for the most part. I just need to not allow myself at all to stay down.

I told my provider that I wanted to keep myself accountable and he said that's a change in how I normally react. It felt good that he could see that change. He asked me to journal about keeping myself accountable and it was actually really helpful.

One step at a time. One foot in front of the other.

Keep going.

With stregth,

Carter