Majestic. @kittenpounce - Tumblr Blog

Kids are interesting. I’m babysitting a 9 year old boy right now who’s homework is to write a fictional story and he wrote about how in millions of years the sun will expand killing everything and one man fell asleep at the beach and missed all the official announcements about the world ending but he managed to be the only survivor of the solar flares because he applied SPF 100 sunscreen.

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got in trouble for calling my step dad a slut :///

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ohmyfuckingoreos

I need to snort a fucking line of self confidence

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*wipes tears with a beauty blender*

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me going outside and trying to contribute to society after watching 20 conspiracy videos in a row:

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im gay

gratefully accepting your donations to me via paypal

trust-me-im-satan

when people start getting close to your friends

marisatomay

me: if youre dead you dont have to do homework or get stressed over school so it would eliminate anxiety

my therapist:

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mood swing: passes

me: ……….. what the FUCK was that

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namedmane

a chunky boy REDUCED

alisonzai

*gently buries my face into a very soft dog*

buddhabrand

a little man without a worry

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thot

iamoutofideas

HEY!

rogha

I hate in the MCU or anything when the aliens or whatever are attacking and everyone’s just ‘oh yeah we be chilling just cowering over here’ as if seventy percent of humanity isn’t really angry all the time like catch these hands motherfucker I’ve bitten people for trying to steal my chips you think you can just steal my whole fucking planet YEET HERE COME MY TEETH film people be using responses to natural disasters but I promise if human sized things came to throw down humanity would be ready to fuck them up like yeah you got laser guns I got this dope ass stick I just found let’s go you ugly fuck

shevni

silentwalrus1: #yeah bicht!!!!!!#gimme the battle of new york with fuckin chitauri comin down and the shift manager of the times sq H&M has finally had Enough#Tracie bout to kill this alien with a traffic cone#’ JUST PRETEND THEY’RE TOURISTS’ she screams choking out goddamn Lizard Lite with her lanyard#10 feet away a park slope mom is beating an alien to death with her four year old’s knockoff eco friendly razr scooter#every single retail employee gets ten years’ worth of therapy in one day#captain america’s kill count: 83 aliens#kathleen from accounting: 94 and also her boss