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Andulka
NASA
ojovivo
d e v o n
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
todays bird

roma★
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dirt enthusiast

Discoholic 🪩

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Claire Keane
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
KIROKAZE

JBB: An Artblog!
wallacepolsom
Xuebing Du

oozey mess

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@kittereinell
her eyes were the sickly green of the sky before a tornado, and to his horror he discovered she could throw cows around just as easily
to his horror? weak shit. outta my way gayboy im boutta get it
all of our trobles seem so small from up here
Ribbon dancing I was not aware of your evolution 🤯
Magnets: I want to commit diamagnetic
how did I never once think to use tape fuck
one time as a kid I forcefully shoved two magnets together, and these were the strong magnets my dad used in his shop to pick-up missing little metal bits, and I held them really tightly in the palm of my hand, went up to this one kid who legit said things like “I think black cats are bad, they should be drowned” and drew crosses on the notebooks of kids if she found out they didn’t go to church, I told her “Hey. I’m a witch. If you don’t stop trying to hurt animals and picking on kids, I’ll use my magic to throw you into the sky”, and when she dared to doubt my powers I told her that I had two “rocks” in my hand that I could send across the playground, then I opened my hand the the magnets shot off in two different directions (we were over in a spot that was empty, so no other kids were around, nobody got hurt), one of them stuck to a drainpipe and the other stuck to a fence. This kid SCREAMED, and ran to the office, and I guess had her mom pick her up from school, and then she wasn’t there for a couple of days, finally her mom called my house and claimed I had “traumatized her daughter by performing a terrifying magic trick”, and when my parents asked what I did I just said “I showed her a magnet and she flipped out. She’s not gonna be happy when she finds out about gravity, either”. eventually this kid came back to school and always made a point to come up to me and say “Hey, my mom told me not to talk to you!”, and would just be like “Good job, you already screwed that up”
Holy shit
Oh my god this is so fucking funny
10/10 story would read again and recommend to others
took a photo of my housemate's snake that looks like a meme who wants to see it
dumbass supreme
[video ID: an orange tabby cat lies next to a plasma ball. Voice 1: "yeah?" Voice 2: "[inaudible name] touch it" hand reaches into frame and touches the plasma ball, causing lightning effect. Cat is visibly curious. Hand pulls out of frame. Cat investigates and sniffs at plasma ball. Voice 2: [giggles] "he's tapping his nose." Cat sits up and, clearly mimicking the human's action, pokes and then places his paw on the plasma orb, creating a lightning effect which outlines his paw pads against the glass. Voice 2: [suppressed laughter] "you can perfectly see the little beans!" Cat removes paw from orb, sits back, and sniffs curiously in the air. Voice 2: [through laughter] "oh my fucking god" Voice 1: "that's the best thing I've ever seen." Cat reaches to sniff off screen. Voice 2: "oh now he's just going to eat my lamp." End video ID]
Quick correction! The cat wasn't reaching to sniff off-screen. It was sniffing the translucent ends of an LED lamp :)
Story Time:
Working in retail is really fun, and the times when major fuck-ups happen, they can be either anxiety-attack inducing, or make it possible to get through the rest of your god-awful shift with a smile depending on the customer. My all-time favorite absolute fuck-up is as follows:
This kind woman is just doing her thing. She scans her membership card from her keychain. The register beeps to acknowledge the scan. We continue as usual. Neither of us notice right away, but after I’ve scanned a few more items, I hear a very quiet, “Um,” from the lady, very polite. I look at her. She is looking at the screen of my register, blinking. I, too, look.
And lo and behold. There is a charge of over four-thousand dollars ($4,000) worth of garlic bread staring us in the face. There are no words for a minute. We’re just… in awe. How did this happen? How the hell did this happen?
She didn’t even have garlic bread in her cart.
I sputter a partial apology - I was incapable of forming actual sentences in the moment - and try to void the garlic bread. Since there was no garlic bread to scan, I try to manually remove $4,000-some from this transaction.
Well, the registers don’t like it when you try to void off more than five dollars ($5) from a transaction, so naturally it pings my manager for confirmation, but she’s not by her pager.
At this point, both myself and the lady are just… dumbfounded. She’s not even mad. I’m not even all that embarrassed. Both of us are just looking at the screen. There’s a bit of laughter, but it’s mostly just… confusion.
I have to call through the whole store for my manager on the intercom because she’s not answering. She shows up, ready to override and void it, when she too, sees what exactly is being voided.
“What… did you do?”
“I genuinely. Have literally. No. Idea.”
She voids it, and I go to finish the transaction and tell the woman her total (minus the garlic bread). My register pings. It tells me that she hasn’t scanned her membership card. Odd. I distinctly remember her doing that. The woman goes to scan her card again, and I notice that her library card is stuck to her membership card. I tell her gently, and she separates the two and scans her card.
My manager, hovering nearby still, sees this and says, “I think it mistook the barcode of her other card for garlic bread, and the remaining digits were read as the price.”
And that’s when the laughter really came over us. There were no hard feelings at all. In fact, the woman was incredibly glad that the receipt still showed the garlic bread and the voiding of. I will remember it until the end of time, my only regret in the entire situation being that I didn’t take a damn picture, because she has proof and I don’t. But I swear to God it happened.
TDLR; Library Card Charged $4,000 of Garlic Bread.
that’s just how valuable library cards are. each one is worth at least $4000 of garlic bread
A picture is worth a thousand words, a library card is worth $4000 worth of garlic bread, if we can figure out how many words the average library card can check out at once, we can probably work out a picture-to-garlic bread conversion here, too.
Hi real quick does anyone have the cat gif that goes like this
Found and saved one from this very hellsite:
You're lying to me. That's a squid
Not the sort of "sexy knot" you're probably thinking of.
Oh, these are exactly the sort of sexy knots I was thinking of.
Perry_trees on Instagram, a tree surgeon!
call me a patron of the ass library the way I'm checking out that butt
this video is extremely good every single time i see it
Armor of Thorns Thursday
This dog's face is sending me. New reaction image
As i was cropping it i thought the "no he'd die" was really funny so I kept it
I'm stealing this. Thanks.
Pilot dropped his water bottle underneath the console and it got stuck behind the peddles; They were talking to maintenance and asking them for a giant stick to try and poke it out from under there because obviously, that's a HUGE safety hazard. I finally bullied my way into the cockpit insisting I was small enough to try and just grab it and managed to wiggle under and get it in like 5 seconds flat.
They looked at me in pure awe. I have never felt more powerful.
Artistic rendition
Saw a post about the sesamarot and wanted to share my favorite reading
The guy asked, the cards gave the most direct answer possible.
Little girl teaching her cats how to draw a flower
(via)
they’re? just? sitting there ???
it makes it 100% better that i can’t understand her, i feel like i’m hearing what cats hear
Heh, she’s speaking Portuguese! Here’s what she’s saying:
*baby voice* “… and if you have any questions, just ask me! And now… yeah. And now you draw the roots. You draw them all twisted up! Got it? A flower? Now draw it. Did you get it, Luis Roberto? Did you get it, Jurandir? Look. Did you get it? That’s how you draw a flower.”
Luis Roberto and Jurandir are people names (Jurandir is especially a name associated with older men) so it’s extra funny that the cats are named that, heh.