kiwijennie

writing from the void of existential panic

[byjove]

Me: *Removes my cat from my lap to do something else.*

My cat: Father is...evil? Father is unyielding? Father is incapable of love? I am running away. I am packing my little rucksack and going out to explore the world as a lone vagabond. I can no longer thrive in this household.

[cryoverkiltmilk]

The spiritual successor to Miette

[manicgoblinnightmarewoman]

Might I also add

[shydestinybread]

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

[unyanizedcatboys]

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

[explorerrowan]

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

[dualclock]

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

[notcaycepollard]

[callmebliss]

Can haz snackytreat

[ladyshinga]

(source)

[dogsrulepeopledrool]

Source

[cryoverkiltmilk]

#the ancient texts

... My reblog was only six years ago!

[crowscriven]

Crow's Salmon Adventure

Okay y'all. So. I'm making a thing and it's going to be horrible, so obviously I need to share it with Tumblr.

For context, @kedreeva recently did a fun new year's ask game where they shared recipes from a cookbook. Most of them sounded really tasty! And then I saw... this one.

(recipe image from Kedreeva's blog)

My thought process was as follows:

That sounds like an absolute abomination

But...

I like salmon (usually)

I like mousse (of the dessert variety, ideally chocolate)

I generally enjoy things with obscene amounts of condiments (though a cup of mayonnaise, admittedly, is very iffy)

I have a group of friends who will go out of their way to try literally any weird snack they can find (we've eaten durian pocky and dill pickle cotton candy, but that's another story), and they'd totally let me force this upon them, and, most importantly,

I could finally use my fish molds for their intended unholy purpose.

Yes, the fish molds. My collection of seafood-themed vintage copper pans that occasionally get used for breads or cakes but mostly just hang on the wall because I have opinions about kitchen decor and one of those opinions is that there should be copper fish everywhere. These things are literally designed for horrendous '60s savory gelatin concoctions. So I figure I have to make one eventually. Y'know, for the sake of the fish. Savory mayonnaise jello is probably enrichment for them or something.

So basically, all of this is to justify why I'm making salmon mousse tonight and liveblogging the process. I suggest blocking the tag "crow's salmon adventure" if you don't want to see... well. Gelatin. Mayo. Canned fish juices. Et cetera.

Stay tuned for the horrors!

[crowscriven]

Veggies: chopped!

Concerns about how chunky raw celery will be after going through the blender: many!

Fish solids and liquids: separated!

Smells: horrendous!

Cat: enthralled, having the time of his life, wants to drink the salmon smoothie right now.

Gelatin: uhhhhh... looks like that. This is probably fine.

[crowscriven]

Fun fact! Apparently when you add vinegar to canned salmon juices it turns a horrific milky white! Ain't chemistry fun?

Hot salmon ketchup soup actually smells significantly better than the plain juices, if a bit acrid.

[crowscriven]

Who wants smoothies???

[crowscriven]

I am in hell actually

"Grease the mold with mayonnaise-"

No. No for the love of god do not grease the mold with mayonnaise do not tenderly rub globs of mayo into the cold scales of the fish mold with your bare hands learn from my mistakes and save yourself from salmon hell.

[crowscriven]

Going in the fridge now. You'll all have to wait until Thursday for the final unveiling, but I'll add an update tomorrow for the cucumber-dill sauce. Now it's time to sit on the couch and question my life choices for a while.

[kedreeva]

every moment of this was horrifying to observe, thank you. I'm looking forward to Thursday

[worm-on-a-blog]

[> worm offers you hope for the new year.]

[> do you accept?]

[lesbianshepard]

phrasing of this is taking me out

[voregeoisie]

[katelyn-danger]

Harder to crucify a being with eight legs

[biscoff-und-taxis]

#spider Jesus died on the asterisk for our sins

you can’t just leave this in the tags

[sashayed]

thinking about Brad Dourif in "Istanbul" and the fact is Grima Wormtongue would have gotten away with it forever if they'd let him be hot. with better hair he could've run that horse girl country into the ground for decades. eomer would've been like "dang, seems like my uncle is a very bad king for no reason, oh well." pretty privilege grima wormtongue could have girlbossed middle earth into the flames of mordor

[sashayed]

hot grima wormtongue: lmao look who's here. late is the hour in which this conjurer chooses to appear. láthspell i name him, ill news, and ill news is an ill guest

riders of rohan: i don't know he seems right for some reason. i just agree with him because his argument is so sound. gandalf you should leave

[elodieunderglass]

Rave you’re so brave for this, but hold on what IS that William Morris print ruffled shirt DOING

[sashayed]

@elodieunderglass backflips on any other look?

[stitchthisfiona]

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

[cleolinda]

[cleolinda]

[lotus0kid]

[lotus0kid]

[pomme-poire-peche]

[lotus0kid]

[sashaforthewin]

[jack-of-no-cows]

[ghirahimbo]

[engulfes]

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

[existentialdruid]

This

[jelliebeanbitch]

there are more tweets in this thread

fucking SLAY

[darlington-v]

this isnt even the full thread, there are even MORE tweets to this thread that i think are really necessary to read if you do what op is talking about! it is not enough to know that feeling this way hurts the people you love, we already know that.

this rest of the thread continues after the third tweet from the reblog.

like THE FULL THREAD is genuinely so reassuring.

sometimes, it is not enough to just know, sometimes you might need that reassurance of "do you really think of me when i'm away?" and someone reassuring you that yeah, they do. and evaluate that! trust that! just like op did.

and then learning that ykw, it's NOT any of my business really. and finding comfort in that trust that like. whether they are or aren't thinking of me, they really do love me.

this full thread changed my life and i am ALWAYS going to give the full thread because the parts people cut out aren't enough for the people experiencing these things, speaking as someone who does. it, really it just makes us, made me, feel bad about my own capabilities when i saw the unfinished thread.

[kyntello-deactivated20151027]

Visit Original Link

[nobodybetterhavethisoneoriswear]

It is borderline shameful how loud I just laughed.

[copacetic--cutie]

I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

[gothic1997]

i want all police sirens to be replaced with thsi audio

[gingeelise]

Guess what seasonally appropriate post I haven’t heard in a while!! 

[poetrylesbian]

im sick of signing in to things

[woman-becomer]

I need to eat AGAIN???? EVERYDAY??????? MULTIPLE TIMES???!?!?!????

[gridmaster5000-deactivated20241]

why is privacy so eroded. I get treated like a nutcase if I say no, I don't want strange companies taking pictures of my home and putting them online for maps or whatever. I don't want to be in the background of your tiktok, and I think it's weirder for you to assume I'm okay with it than it is for me to politely ask you to refilm it so my face isn't in the frame. I don't enjoy handing my employer a list of every online account I have and feeling under surveillance when I'm just shit posting or sharing pictures of my cats or garden harvest. I don't want to hear your private calls on speaker on the bus, esp when the person on the line doesn't know you're broadcasting their words to strangers. I don't want an algorithm guessing what will piss me off the most so I spend more time online, engaging with shit I don't want to see or hear out of outrage. I don't want any of this. it's total ass.

[7484853929297438282993949292]

Fuck i hate how funny he is

[hasdrubal-gisco]

[anarchistmemedistro]

it’s not even warm

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I once saw someone say that Trump would make an absolutely fantastic bitchy drag performer and now I get mad every time he speaks not just because of his bullshit, but because they're right. He could've been so fucking good at it. He could've been legendary. This man oozes talent in that specific field and in no other.

[garykingz]

HE YABADABADID IT !!!!

[garykingz]

I'm gonna yabadaba kill myself

[zerozerozio]

bring back tumblr ask culture let me. bother you with questions and statements

[boimann]

reblog to let people know it's ok to bother you with questions and statements

[distinguishedbaloney]

[eilooxara]

Non cooking spray stick

[eilooxara]

Non spray stick cooking

[that-house]

Non cooking stick spray

[weaselle]

non stick spray cooking

[weaselle]

[reallyreallyreallytrying]

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

[laerugo]

#tapping the reblog button with utmost care because i’m handling a historical artifact (via @malarkiness)

[500-moths-in-a-trenchcoat]

oh yes it's that time of year