Since I can't sleep, I'll put to words what happened to Deci since this had all but become his page. This is going to be a long, sad read- fair warning.
Decibel died three days ago, early morning after I'd pulled an all nighter frantically monitoring him.
Life is really, really unfair, and death is unkind, and some things in this world are undeniably and irrevocably beautiful as they are tragic. I'm not the same person I was before I got to be the proudest mommy to the strongest little boy. I will NEVER be the person I was before he swept into my life. The exit wound he made is and will continue to be profound.
My grief is an honor to him. For the scant seconds when I walk inside and think, "Bubs, Mama's home!" before reality catches back up, he's alive in a way. My husband and I exchange sad and happy and silly sentiments about him, we share laughs and tears and silent stares at the corner of the room where his cage still sits, untouched. Every time my heart seizes up and my throat burns, I remember how much LOVE is there behind and interwoven with the ache. Love doesn't die. Memories don't die.
He was my favorite animal I've ever met. I was his favorite human... he told me with hyper, quick kisses, those big pink ears that perked up when he heard my voice, and trusting me enough to fall asleep whenever I was watching over him.
The most terrible part of being a mother to different species is that we are uniquely suited to survive and outlive our children. My life is so long. I gave half of a year to my sweet, precious boy, and he gave me ALL of his life and the love he had. I hope he felt it was a good trade-off. His death was brutal and abysmally cruel, but he died laying in my armpit where he could smell me, the place he always crawled up to when he was a baby. His two favorite humans spoke reverently soft words to him and petted his forehead. We told him that he was the strongest little rat we ever knew and that we were proud of him, but it was okay to let go now.
We weren't the only ones who loved this charming, intelligent, sweet little boy. Several of my friends have seen him grow up from a tiny puffball to a handsome, big boy. Everyone that met or knew of Deci knew how incredibly cherished he was and that he had an enriched, spoiled, joyful life for every moment he spent with us. Practice gratitude for the little moments while you can still hold and touch them, because AWFUL things happen sometimes. Love your pets extra hard for me, please.
