Bitter Sweet Thoughts @kokopopsweet - Tumblr Blog

May you be released from the confines of your comfort zones and toxic habits. I hope you find the courage to cultivate healthier coping mechanisms. You can do it. You got this.

kokopopsweet

My coping mechanism is retreating to my bed even though I can't sleep just laying there hoping for sleep. I know it ain't good

PTSD

I can't don't remember when or why sleeping got little bit easier, I suppose I was distracted with all the lemons 🍋 I'm suppose to make lemonade with.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a hamster wheel of misery with small fleeting moments of genuine peace and I can gaurentee someone's actions makes those already short spots of happiness shorter 😔. What's painful to my mind is what I can remember, but my body remembers everything my mind won't, which fester's it's own problems that make no sense to most.

I never use to be so anxious, its got considerably worse where I just can't bring myself to leave my space even if I despise it. That time I drummed up the courage (can you even call it that) to try and find the man who let his friend and someone I know rape me in my sleep, which soon felt pointless as I knew that even if I was acknowledged it wouldn't change anything. That's the argument that doesn't stop, the solution that always comes round is that there is just Nothing I can do because anything they say or do won't change what happened.

Despite "time's changing" there are still loads of "Andrew Tate's, Jeffery Epsteins and Robert Kelly's" of the world not to mention the women who enable these men. Sexual assault is still something that both sexes experience at a exspadential number, similar to sexuality I think it only feels more because of awareness and more people speaking up and out.

Society still moves in a way where people don't get involved even if they see something they think is morally wrong, while I'm writing this I think that's what my anxiety is tied to, the older I've got I've grown to understand that people ain't shit and most will watch you burn in the flames of a car crash (theoretically and literally). Being bullied at school and work and just generally having really shitty things happen to me and people have seen and said nothing, absolutely nothing even "law enforcement" do absolutely nothing.

I'm the eldest and estranged from my family and sometimes my mentality is I cannot trust anyone else to take care of me but me, because I can't trust that when things happen in public or behind closed doors, like they repeatedly have done, that anyone will have my back 😔. I've been outside once in a week and had my phone on do not disturb, I want to enjoy the world but it had hurt me in ways that makes it very difficult to face outside.

I want to move on, I want better things for myself but I can't keep living in constant intense fear like this. I understand that some people don't even know there doing bad by you and for some stupid reason I give people especially men a grace that they do not deserve, it stills goes back to, grace or not it can't changed what has happened to me.

I don't really know where to go from here, but '🙋🏾‍♀️hello sleepless nights and night terrors I didn't think you was gone for good'.

Tinashe - Dreams Are Real (Prod By Mae N Maejor Smash David)

#ptsd #trauma #changeiscoming #nightmares #thebodykeepsscore

MENstruating is a Bitch, The justification for being Cray Cray

Hi Folks,

Continuously I feel like I'm Crazy and then I realize it's OK for a few reasons

I'm female

I have a Vagina

I have a womb

& Birth control

I think men will never be able to understand the reasoning behind the crazy unless they have took hormones or steroids. I have had a implant in my arm for about nearly 2 years this July 20th, it's OK, it does the job I suppose but has some REAL side-effects -_-.

For those who don't know what the implant is:

The contraceptive implant is a small flexible tube about 40mm long (size of a match stick) that's inserted under the skin of your upper arm and lasts for three years. The implant stops the release of an egg from the ovary by slowly releasing progestogen into your body. Progestogen thickens the cervical mucus and thins the womb lining. This makes it harder for sperm to move through your cervix, and less likely for your womb to accept a fertilised egg.

**GENERAL DISCLAIMER** If your are squeamish about PERIODS don't read on but have this in mind YOU CAME OUT OF YOUR MUMS VAGINA WITH ALL THAT STUFF ON YOU LMAO

Sooooo moving past the science of it all it can be a blessing or a real bitch, if your lucky it can stop your periods completely, if your unlucky you will just have one giant period -_- I've know people to bleed 8 months straight WHAT A BITCH. I feel fortunate as I hated being a girl for a long time lol and even cried to my mum telling her to just get my womb taken out LOOOOOOL but since having the implant I haven't had a cycle. The only thing is the hormones make me crazy as FUCK at times.

This leads me to think what if shit was reversed, could men hack the emotional pressure of all the hormones making you either want to punch someone or cry or sometimes both. I personally think they would cave under it all. As if being a woman wasn't hard enough with child bearing and shiznic. The worst part about contraception is that yes we do it for ourselves to protect our wombs from any surprise invasions but really and truly we all know the bedroom talk ''I can't feel you with a condom on'', ''awww babes there uncomfortable'' and so on and so forth. We also do it to protect there dumb ass so we don't hear there shit when your knocked up with there 14th child lol (we all know someone or are a product of a farther who thinks they are a farmer and can be planting there seeds all over the gaff).

Me personally I don't mind it means I don't have to buy tampons for 3 years but I have put on some serious weight I had just turned 21 when I had the implant put in here is a picture of me at 20, 21 & 22 and the drastic difference is shocking.

SEE WHAT I MEAN

so it has blatantly added some inches to me, also I have some super mood swings which entails this BITCHES BE CRAY. But with reason.

**RANDOM FACT ALERT**

When women send alot of time together whether it's living together or sometimes working together our cycles can sync with each other meaning we can act crazy in groups lol.

I can only speak for myself as I am not every womb in the world so can't speak for all women but my experience of cray is that you can start to think irrationally on emotional decisions and over think if not everything most things. You will want to cry but 5 mins later life is good, me and my friend was discussing the urge to burst out in tears for no good reason. A week can feel like a month of heartache when really the seriousness of the things you find yourself upset about at this time is minor and sometimes really irrelevant.

The best advice I can offer any man is if you feel we are more tense than usual be patient, take time in the reason behind the madness. There can be method behind some madness so just have that in mind, then again a man will never know the feelings behind it all but try to.

Don't think your that cray or have any funny stories of madness when going through the motions of the infamous PERIOD please feel free to share, tweet, write me a message you an even comment on this post.

Don't get it twisted men are bitches too and can also be just as cray cray.

Also spraying it up before you whacking it up is always the best and most safe option.

#SafeSex

#periods #menstruation #menstrual cycle #tampons #pads #bitchesbecray #cray #that shit cray #women #men #mad #implant #contraceptives #contraception #pregnant #preggo #farmers #sperm #condoms #safesex

PAUSE Magagzine Pop Up Party Review

On Thursday the 1st of May I attended PAUSE MAG Pop up Party with my Blogger friend Eshe Mitchell, You can find her blog at http://ynke.co.uk/. Now she knows all about PAUSE MAG, I was going in with little to no knowledge of them and what they stand for.

Pause Mag is a men's fashion magazine which launched in early 2013 and focuses on young male fashion. There slogan is ''Redefining Male Fashion'' which I certainly don't disagree with at ALL, give men's fashion a platform and sense of direction when previously opening men's fashion magazines there was not much room for being different and out there. This magazine is released quarterly just like the fashion seasons and is priced at £3.50, but they regularly update there website and have launched PAUSE TV where they showcase fashion videos which premièred at the Pop-Up Party.

Now with it being on a working day and wanting to go home and get changed after work I technically arrived late but didn't miss anything but the alcohol :( (that was a bummer) it advertised starting at 6 pm and ending at 9.30 pm but ran over like a hour.

It was held at Camden Collective which host a lot of pop-up events. I didn't arrive at the event until after 8 o'clock, the weather was terrible and the venue wasn't the easiest place to find. So Yeah the alcohol was DONE :( but I did have some awfully tasty juice called Sass and it certainly lives up to the name. It tastes like exotic fruit juice with a fusion of green tea and was really refreshing and would work very well with Vodka or Rum.

Me personally I didn't like the venue I think it was just a little to small for what they was trying to showcase and achieve (not saying that the pop-up wasn't a success just I was HOT like REALLY REALLY HOT). Also when showcasing the fashion films, which is new to PAUSE as a brand, it just didn't work. Yes it is on the website and yes I could watch it when I get home but the whole point of showcasing anything is to hype it up and create a buzz, but I didn't feel buzzed. The projector wasn't set up correctly and even being fairly close to the front I couldn't see diddly squat, in all honesty my height does play some part in it being only 5ft1inch short.

I personally feel that if your doing a video feature of any kind that you have a venue which allows you to do so and that no matter where you are positioned in the room you can see or in a separate room have it showing on repeat so people can see it at any giving opportunity.

The room was a rectangular shape with the bar in clear site as you walked in and on both your left and right was all the featured brands and designers lined down the room. The reason I think the venue could of been bigger is that there wasn't much room for the Shopping experience of the event and there was a lot of people there so the claustrophobia in me was freaking out and had me checking the exits lol.

The brands and designers that where featured was:

Vinti Andrews

AMH (Ashley Marc Hovelle)

Stanley Kane

Nicce London

Hubert & Calvin

Mr Gu Gu & Miss Go

Jelly Cream

Anchor Sunglasses

Malmo London

ZimZillas

Clim-It Brothers

Now I will admit I didn't thoroughly look at each brand, This partly being because the room was so packed I couldn't freely move a lot of the time and most people don't have manners so will push by which I don't appreciate at all. Also it was very very VERY hot so didn't fancy battling through the crowd.

So apologies now for not having something to say on all the brands.....

However I will just mention quickly the one that stuck with me AMH (Ashley Marc Hovelle) was my favourite just because the gentlemen on the stand/Designer /CEO /Ashley Marc Hovelle himself, was AWESOME and for those who know me, know that is not a word that's in my vocabulary. He had a amazing beard which then lead to talks to whether or not he has a beard comb (HE DOES) and was sporting his own clothes (As you do) AND he gave me sushi. Me and Ashley was conversing most of the time I was there and exchanged a lot of high fives just for being the awesome people we are.

He has been in the fashion business for about 5 years and is based in Camden London but also has a lot going for him in France. Now I'm not going to give any more away as I would love to do a feature of him and his brand in the near future so stay tuned, meanwhile check him out and buy the clothes at http://ashleymarchovelle.com/.

The event also presented it's guest with Celebrity appearances from British Olympian Lewis Smith, British actor Adam Deacon and British Actor Arnold Oceng. I had the pleasure to meet all three and it was lovely to see how humble all of them where. I must admit my favourite was Arnold Oceng who was charming and funny and genuinely made me blush but all three of them are handsome and I'm positive most young ladies would not push either of them out of bed looooool.

Pause also pulled out a bag of performances from 3 up and coming artist,

Akua Konamah the 21 year old singer/songwriter was first up telling us about her EP that is out in June, she performed 2 of her own songs and finished of with a cover of Meridian Dan's German Whip. Now I congratulate her for not just going up first but also playing guitar in her performance, but the music personally wasn't to my taste it was ok and there is no doubt she can sing, it just wasn't to my taste.

I will leave the final opinion to you, check her out:

Website: www.akuakonamah.com YouTube: www.youtube.com/user/officialakua Twitter: @AkuaKonamah

Rebecca King was next to the stage with her vibrant long curly red hair, she performed two of her own songs and then did a duet with beat boxer and rapper Ben (R-Tizt) Francis. Her voice is a power house to say the least and comes across as a very skilled and talented vocalist but I wasn't a fan of her music, it just didn't grab me but I can in no way say that she can't sing. After she performed she told us all her website and where to find her music and ASKED for positive feedback on youtube, as a artist you should prepare for the worst so I didn't like the fact she asked for positive feedback, it's the bad feedback that helps you grow. That's just my two cents.

So to base your own opinion and to leave positive feedback lol

Youtube: www.youtube.com/officialrebeccaking Facebook: www.facebook.com/officialrebeccaking Twitter: @RebeccaKing01

Ben (R-Tizt) Francis was last but certainly not least hyping up the crowd with his beat boxing skills. As soon as he showcased his beat boxing talents the energy in the room changed, the only thing I have to say on his beat boxing is that it was amazing he should keep at it but needs to work on his breathing, I have been fortunate to see some amazing beat boxers in the past and I felt like I could hear him taking a breath a lot of the time. Saying that just like singing it is not a easy thing to do and with experience comes growth. After his amazing beat boxing set he performed a rapping track which he shared that it was his first. Not my cup of tea at all, others seamed to of liked it but it wasn't the flavour of ice-cream I like if you get what I mean. regardless of what I thought of the track he finished up the event on a high.

Base your own opinion and find out more on Ben

Website: www.r-tizt.com Twitter: @thertizt Instagram: @rtizt Vine: @R-tizt

So to sum up the event, It was a success everyone seamed to have enjoyed themselves I do think it went incredibly well and PAUSE has a bright future ahead of them. Obviously there is always room for improvement but things can only get bigger and better for them as a establishment and I have a feeling I will be hearing a lot more about there progression. I hope if they do ever read this they feel it is constructive and supportive.

I had a good time and can't wait to see what they produce in the future.

birdsbeesandpumpkinpie

looooove this song need to hunt these guys down

Raleighs Ritchies First and my favourite track

#Raleigh Ritchie #stay inside #newmusic #r&b #uk music #ukmade

Download the EP for free here: http://smarturl.it/RRsite?IQid=sc Stream it here: http://smarturl.it/StreamRR?IQid=sc Pick it up on iTunes / Google Play here: http://smarturl.it/BlackAndBluePointTwo?IQid=sc Follow Raleigh: http://facebook.com/RaleighRitchie http://twitter.com/RaleighRitchie http://youtube.com/RaleighRitchie http://instagram.com/RaleighRitchie Follow The Internet: @internet-band http://internet-band.com/ http://facebook.com/TheInternetOddFuture http://youtube.com/ofwgkta

#SoundCloud #Raleigh Ritchie #Electronic #Black and Blue #Remixes #The Internet

Raleigh Ritchie Black and Blue point TWO FT.THE INTERNET

So I'm going to kick start my blog with a review of my favourite listen at the moment. 23 year old, Bristol born and raised Jacob Anderson Musically known as Raleigh Ritchie, has been shocking the music scene with his catchy, calm and meaningful R&B sounds.

Recently releasing his 3rd EP featuring a track and remixes of all the tracks on the 2nd EP (Black and Blue), by The new up and coming sounds of The Internet who recently visited the UK (Unfortunately I missed it and I'm kicking myself for it now).

Before I go on to babel how great his music is I will quickly refresh your memory to whom Jacob Anderson is. You may all recognise him from the very popular Adulthood film Playing Omen who is Sam's (played by Noel Clarke) younger brother. He has also featured in popular shows such as Casualty and Skins(UK) and has built up quite the C.V. in regards to acting.

Now I first came across Raleigh Richie's music on www.22tracks.com , I cant remember exactly what playlist it was but my go to playlist when visiting the website is Amsterdam Soul. If you don't know what 22tracks is I will do a review of the website later in my blog so STAY TUNED :).

ANYWAY as I was saying I actually stumbled across his music and soon after got to see him live at his first headlining gig at BIRTHDAYS in Dalston, London which was the end of last year. I cant express to you how fantastic it was and from then I was hooked. The sheer passion he shown when performing and the clear sense of freedom he embraced on stage during the whole show. He was jumping around, interacting and generally having fun which made it all the more enjoyable.

Now I felt like a little groupie knowing all the words to the songs and sticking around at the end to say HI and to of course show my appreciation. Now as I approached him he came across really shy and shocked there was people hanging around to meet him and the band, Considering his presence on stage you would of thought it was a different person, he became stripped back and shy which was humbling to see. He took the time to converser with me and thank me for attending the show (not gonna lie, he made me blush as he is a very handsome fellow).

So basically he seams like a really cool guy and I was fortunate to meet him a second time where he stopped me in my paths and remembered me (I WAS LIKE OMG HE REMEMBERED ME) and I really hope he stays as humble as he is. Let me not forget HIS BAND WAS INCREDIBLE and showed the same love after meeting them all and even followed me on twitter :D.

Now his music itself is really easy to listen and sing along to and he is clear representation of new up and coming R&B and he could definitely give the USA a run for it's money as they always seam to dominate the charts. His first single and the song that got me intrigued is called 'Stay Inside' which is said to display the stages of grief (I don't know how much of that is true) but when listening to the lyrics it is clearly understandable why that has been said. 'Stay Inside' Is featured on his first EP 'The Middle Child'.

I am absolutely loving Raleigh Ritchie's music so far and I'm anxious and excited for the album (which I'm dying for a hard copy not MP3) hopefully it will be ready and released by the end of the year.

For more on his music just head over to his website http://www.raleighritchie.com/ where you can also download is NEW EP Black and Blue Point Two FOR FREE!!!!!

You can also search his name in facebook, Souncloud and Youtube where you can like, love and follow his exciting journey in music.

Let me know what you think of his EP tweet me @KOKOPOPSWEET you can also tell me what you think of my review. :) Be easy