Kuai Liang Texts

texts from the temperatures below zero

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Bi-Han [16:32] Icecreams? Really? Have some gods damn self respect. Sent to: Bi-Han [16:33] I wondered if I’d get a text from you. This ticked all the boxes on your ‘pretend not to be monitoring Kuai Liang whilst making sure he has no fun’ list. Received from: Bi-Han [16:35] You’re an absolute disgrace. Just seeing your gleeful smiling face sickens me. Sent to: Bi-Han [16:36] Are you too sick for an icecream? [16:39] Sounds like the telling silence of someone who wants icecream. [16:39] The true spirit of friendship. [16:41] They come in black cherry. Received from: Bi-Han [16:42] Alright dammit give me a moment. [16:44] if you run out of that black cherry I’ll murder you though. Sent to: Bi-Han [16:45] The true spirit of friendship.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Johnny Cage [14:21] hey subs ive been chillin with a new mate of mine. Sent to: Johnny Cage [14:30] No ice puns, please, I’m not in the mood. Received from: Johnny Cage [14:34] haha lol didnt even mean to make that one [14:36] how about i stop making puns if you give me your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle :p Sent to: Johnny Cage [14:44] I’m not giving you my clothes, what kind of weird request is this? Even if I had a motorcycle I wouldn’t lend it to you. Hanzo Hasashi is more reliable than you and he regularly sets everything he owns on fire. Received from: Johnny Cage [14:49] your scornful words wound me sub-zero. but u be warned [14:50] I’ll be back.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Unknown Number [10:31] Guess who it is. Sent to: Unknown Number [10:33] I don’t know, I don’t have this number saved on my phone. It would save me a lot of stress if I didn’t have to guess. Received from: Unknown Number [10:40] Here’s a clue, if I was standing in the room with you, you’d have a hard time telling too. [10:41] One moment you’d think it’s Sub Zero. Next moment you’d think it’s Sektor. Next moment you’d think it’s Shao Kahn. Sent to: Unknown Number [10:45] This is definitely Shang Tsung. How long have you been gone? I’m Sub-Zero now, Sektor is dead, and so is Shao Kahn. Received from: Unknown Number [10:46] I’m behind the times, but these days that doesn’t seem to matter, since times are changing on a regular basis. [10:49] I actually have a list of people I can plausibly pretend to be without giving myself away. Mind helping me out? Who’s back? Can I be Skarlet? Sent to: Unknown Number [10:52] Yes, she’s around again. Received from: Unknown Number [10:55] Ashrah? Sent to: Unknown Number [10:57] Who? Received from: Unknown Number [10:59] Meat? Sent to: Unknown Number [11:00] Like chicken? Received from: Unknown Number [11:02] Hotaru? Sent to: Unknown Number [11:04] Hotar who? Received from: Unknown Number [11:08] Nevermind, I’ll ask someone who knows something instead.

[kuailiangtexts]

Sent to: Kenshi Takahashi [12:36] We had such a big fight to stop the end of the world again. Time continuums were full on collapsing. Where the hell were you? Received from: Kenshi Takahashi [12:47] Took a wrong turn sorry. [12:48] Blind, after all. Sent to: Kenshi Takahashi [12:50] You have literally never missed anything because you’re blind. Don’t start using it as an excuse now. Received from: Kenshi Takahashi [12:55] Maybe I was blindly... [12:55] in love Sent to: Kenshi Takahashi [12:58] Kenshi!!! [12:59] We had a serious crisis! Received from: Kenshi Takahashi [13:02] What can I say. [13:03] I got distracted. Sent to: Kenshi Takahashi [13:05] Distracted. That what you’re calling Ermac these days? Received from: Kenshi Takahashi [13:10] sh.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Unknown Number [23:01] so... what can you tell me about cryomancer blood Sent to: Unknown Number [06:37] It is inside my body. Who are you and why are you texting me creepy stuff? Received from: Unknown Number [10:03] i bet it.... tastes good. Sent to: Unknown Number [10:06] What does that dot dot dot mean? That was a comprehensible if disturbing sentence without that addition. Received from: Unknown Number [10:08] u know what it means... [10:12] the dot dot dot... is for innuendo Sent to: Unknown Number [10:14] Innuendo implying what exactly? This looks a lot like you just want to drink my blood. Received from: Unknown Number [10:20] ok look, i do, but i was trying to be sexy about it. Sent to: Unknown Number [10:22] This is Skarlet, isn’t it.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:04] i have come to the conclusion that working with you is not the worst thing in the world Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:06] Thanks. Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:07] but mostly because working with anyone else i know is even worse [13:08] im doing my best here and suddenly everyone says oh hi hanzo can we just crash in your most sacred fire gardens? and I said um ok sure, because i was trying to be polite, and then Raiden decides its party central and all of special forces turn up. and as if they’re not annoying enough half of them have arrived with their own personal clone so theres double the number of annoying people. Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:11] Could be worse. At least my brother didn’t turn up there with a hundred copies of himself. Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:14] imagine being told off by a hundred of him Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:15] Thanks, I didn’t need that image in my head. Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:17] one hundred cold cynical egotistical maniacs mocking you [13:17] no offense Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:19] None taken, as its pretty much accurate. Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:22] one hundred of your brother all looking for veangance on the one who killed him... Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:23] ... Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [13:24] ... Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [13:26] I’ll look out for you don’t worry. We got this.

[kuailiangtexts]

Sent to: Bi-Han [20:31] So. [20:31] Jacqui Briggs told me that when she asked if you were lonely [20:32] you said the darkness was your friend [20:32] Bi-Han. [20:32] Please. [20:32] really? [20:33] the darkness? [20:33] if you really don’t have any friends, you can tell people I’m your friend. Received from: Bi-Han [21:00] You are not my friend. Sent to: Bi-Han [21:02] I could be though [21:03] especially if you’re lonely Received from: Bi-Han [21:10] I’m not lonely. [21:11] Because the darkness is my friend.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:28] Unplug us from our speaker system [19:31] please Sent to: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:33] Wow. Desperate time call for desparate measures hey Sektor? I don’t think you’ve ever said please to me before. Received from: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:34] Just do it. Sent to: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:35] Only if you tell me why first. Received from: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:39] Cyrax is... irritating me. Sent to: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:41] Isn’t it usually the other way round? What’s he doing? Received from: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:43] Playing Botswanan death metal very loudly. [19:44] I’ve discovered that the only metal I like is the full-cyberised body armour I will regain before I destroy you, Tundra. Sent to: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:46] yeah I think I’m gonna leave the death metal playing a little longer Received from: Sektor or Cyrax (check who) [19:47] Kuai Liang don’t you dare!!!

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Cassie Cage [16:30] what are the discos like with ur bf? [16:31] plz tell me he’s moonlighted as a smoke machine. Sent to: Cassie Cage [16:34] He hasn’t. [16:36] And he’s not my boyfriend. Received from: Cassie Cage [16:37] ooh. grandmaster sub-cool ur getting slower with ur denials. [16:38] is it senility or am I just hittn close to the mark? Sent to: Cassie Cage [16:40] There are more options than just those, Cassie. Received from: Cassie Cage [16:41] ah. yes. the third option. [16:41] both.

[kuailiangtexts]

Sent to: Bi-Han [22:01] are you planning on visiting home again any time soon? Received from: Bi-Han [22:50] Uh how about no? And that isn’t my home any more? Sent to: Bi-Han [22:52] If you give me warning next time I can actually organise more of a reception – have something special cooked, make sure the students are respectful, maybe even a seminar or something. Received from: Bi-Han [23:00] Wishful thinking, Kuai Liang. Sent to: Bi-Han [23:01] Correct. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Received from: Bi-Han [23:09] When did you grow up and what have you done with my brother Sent to: Bi-Han [23:11] this text made me smile Received from: Bi-Han [23:18] So easily pleased. Have some self respect. [23:21] I might drop by in two weeks time purely because there are some people I’m thinking of murdering who are within a few hundred square kilometres of where you happen to live. Sent to: Bi-Han [23:22] ok :)

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Unknown Number [10:00] The true emperor of Outworld is returning. Sent to: Unknown Number [10:13] Who is this and where did you get my number. [10:21] Everyone and their left foot is claiming to be the true emperor of Outworld these days, so you’ll have to be more specific. [10:32] This… this isn’t Shao Kahn, is it? [10:36] It’s just I think I have everyone else’s number. [10:50] Oh I get it, it’s April 1st. Nice April Fool. Is this Tomas or someone hiding their number? Received from: Unknown Number [11:00] The true emperor of Outworld is returning.

[kuailiangtexts]

Sent to: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:21] Is it true you used a picture of me as a motivational poster to get people to sign up to SF?? Received from: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:34] Judging by your uncharacteristic use of double question marks, I have a feeling you already know the answer to that question. Sent to: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:37] Sonya?! I’m not even in SF! That’s false advertising! [16:39] Also you never asked if I wanted my face on a poster! Received from: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:42] Listen it was you or Johnny Cage ok? And I don’t want to give that bastard any ideas. [16:44] Anyway you’re wearing a mask it’s not like anyone can see your identity. Sent to: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:47] I’m not a movie star, Sonya! I’m a reclusive assassin who just wants to be left alone! Stop parading my face everywhere! And ask next time. Received from: Sonya Blade (SF) [16:50] Yeesh, fine. Next time I’ll get Scorpion to be the heroic face of Earthrealm. Sent to: Sonya Blade (SF) [17:00] I didn’t say that… I just said ask next time… Received from: Sonya Blade (SF) [17:06] You guys and your rivalries are so predictable it hurts even to mess with you.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Kano [10:12] visiting my folks down under and whaddyno is on the wall Sent to: Kano [10:22] Stop texting me. I don’t care about anything you have to say. Received from: Kano [10:23] A big red heart with a phone number in and the words “Sub-Zero makes my heart shiver and it’s not just because ice is cold” [10:25] This the best your admirers can do? Whata mouthful to say. Like something out of a B movie with cheese level romance. Sent to: Kano [10:31] Wait, is that how someone got my number? Please can you scribble that out, this is meant to be a private line. Received from: Kano [10:34] Sub-Zero more like sub-par. Change your name. Sent to: Kano [10:42] How is it my fault if people are writing cheesy things about me? How do they even know about the Lin Kuei? My clan is meant to be a secret! Received from: Kano [10:55] Haven’t you seen all the SF ads with you and your biceps posing infront of motivation slogans about saving Earthrealm? Sent to: Kano [11:01] Whaat? Sonya wouldn’t dare! Received from: Kano [11:04] Sure about that? Sent to: Kano [11:06] Not… not really…

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Johnny Cage [12:12] what do u think of me and sonya? Sent to: Johnny Cage [12:16] You are both reliable allies when the time necessitates. Received from: Johnny Cage ]12:20] I mean us. together. me n sonya. Sent to: Johnny Cage [12:24] A short moment in history that had beneficial side effects. Received from: Johnny Cage [12:26] WOW dude! Cold much?? [12:27] and did u just call my daughter a beneficial side effect?? Sent to: Johnny Cage [12:30] Is that insulting? I did not mean to be insulting. She is growing up into a strong independent woman, whom I respect very much. Received from: Johnny Cage [12:34] You can be quite endearing for a complete jerk, yknow. Sent to: Johnny Cage [12:36] Thank-you?

[kuailiangtexts]

Sent to: Bi-Han [20:11] do you think it’s a bad idea to rebuild killer robots that tried to hunt down and murder me Received from: Bi-Han [21:02] Don’t bother me, Kuai Liang. The sight of your name on my phone makes me want to obliterate all nearby living objects. Sent to: Bi-Han [21:06] I know existence as a cyborg was terrible, but maybe its better than not existing at all? [21:07] Maybe I could reprogram them so that they’re nice to me and help me run the clan Received from: Bi-Han [21:17] Here lies Kuai Liang murdered by cyborgs because he knows jackshit about computer programming. Sent to: Bi-Han [21:20] There are nice ways to give constructive criticism you know. [21:21] I can learn programming, I’m good at learning. Received from: Bi-Han [21:28] Not good at learning to shut up. Sent to: Bi-Han [21:30] Maybe I’ll build myself a nicer brother too. He’s going to bring me breakfast every morning and compliment my wardrobe. Received from: Bi-Han [21:36] The only reason your wardrobe is good is because you stole a style I spent years putting together, don’t think I’ve forgiven you for your fashion theft. I can’t believe how many people out there are walking around thinking you have style, it makes my blood boil.

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [12:13] the shirai ryu should have been in that stupid Cage movie, not your stupid apprentice stupid Frost Sent to: Hanzo Hasashi [12:15] Creative use of adjectives there, Hanzo. You’re a natural Shakespearean. Received from: Hanzo Hasashi [12:17] A natural WHAT? What did you call me?? Is that an insult??? [12:19] natural shakeaspearin yourself you lin kuei scum!!!!

[kuailiangtexts]

Received from: Frost [14:25] I might need some more time off from the temple to finish up this film im helping Johnny Cage with. Sent to: Frost [14:29] OK. Do I want to know why you need extra time? I’ve not forgotten that you cut someone’s hand off for patronising you during filming. Please don’t say it’s something else like that. Received from: Frost [14:31] ITS NOT, ACTUALLY. [14:33] Some young teenage girls came to the set and wanted me to sign a poster and said things like how they wanted to be just like me when they were older, and then Johnny asked me if I wanted to do a short promotional tour for the film so that I could sign more things and encourage more young people and I said yes. [14:34] Provided that’s ok with you. Sent to: Frost [14:40] Oh. [14:40] Yes, that’s definitely OK. [14:42] Kind of sweet actually. Received from: Frost [14:50] My fist in your face won’t be sweet if you ever make any comments like that again, Grandmaster.