So, I've been feeling really depressed lately, and I don't know why. I've been doing pretty good in life right now, I'm going to school (taking 15 credits this semester), making some beautiful new friends, who I enjoy very much, and I'm like never home. But, for some reason, I'm in a funk. Well, actually, my anxiety has been really high lately and I usually don't get this anxious about things. I'm afraid I'm going to fail my logic class since I don't get like any of it right now, and no matter how much I try to understand it, i just don't and end up guessing on the tests for the most part, which makes me even more stressed out. Plus, i think my ADHD is coming back and that just makes me nervous since it was so bad before I was good enough to go off medication, and my doctor is out of town, so I can't see him this week.
Along with my anxiety being through the roof, I've just been feeling really depressed, and it's really bothering me, because all I wanna do is stay in bed all day, which I can't do because of school, and eat. I've always been a stress eater and just knowing that I stress eat gives me even more anxiety, so yeah, that's great. Today, it even got so bad, I almost cried with my friends while we were out today, and I hate crying in front of people, i just won't do it. So much is just running through my head that it's starting to drive me nuts. Oh great, there I go with the tears again... I'm trying so hard no to relapse for the umpteenth time this year, because I really am proud of the fact that I've been clean for two years and I don't ever want to go back to that place.
And on the ever present other hand, my mother has pretty much been nagging me nonstop about just about everything and I'm not sure how much longer I can take it before I finally just leave. She stresses me out way too much, but at the same time I can't do much about anything since I have no money, no license, no car, no nothing, but school, which I wish I could work, but that would be just too much for my over stressed mind to handle, plus then I'd probably get nagged at for even that.
I try to look on the bright side, but there isn't much of one. I mean, I'm excited for all the things that are happening in the next few days, but I'm not at the same time. It's just hard right now for everything.
Well, I'm gonna try to go to sleep at a somewhat decent time tonight, since I haven't been able to fall asleep as quickly as I normally do, since I've just been thinking too much lately and that just keeps me up. I just wish there was an off button fro the endless loop of unpleasant thoughts in my brain.
I think I'm done bitching for now, so good night all!
kianamaiart
gummygunk
origamiaround
