They/Them || hi, hi, Se-A here. this will be where I post art and other things relating to the stuff that I write on AO3. my main blog is selenium-archive
ao3′s orphaning option is cool and a good idea but mostly very fucking funny. i posted this work for fun when i was younger and i still want people to be able to come back to it if they liked it, but now im an adult professional and i dont want it attached to my name. whats the word for that? umm, anonymously posting? no. i want something that indicates i murdered this story’s parents
basically I think that if your protagonist doesn’t want to fuck someone so bad it makes them look stupid, then there probably isn’t enough energy in your story. “Fuck someone” isn’t literal btw—they can want to uncover the secrets of their parent’s death, they can want to prove their worth, they can want a donut from one particular bakery—it can be anything so long as they want it so bad that they’ll make decisions that make any sane person go “are you a moron??”, with little to no forethought, or even tons of forethought and this is still the option they chose. Because they want to fuck that thing so bad.
You’d be surprised at how many people fail to give their characters motivation, and so write a story that’s less good than it could be.
It’s surprisingly easy to come up with an incredibly cool plot and characters without giving the characters enough motivation to make it actually compelling enough to read or even write. If you have a cool af idea that you somehow just can’t bring yourself to write, ask yourself what the main character wants, and how is that driving their decisions?
They need to want it so bad that it makes them look stupid. They need to impulse-buy a half-broken spaceship by mortgaging radioactive land, because they’re just that desperate to prove themselves more than a discarded scrap of a far greater history. They need to want their home and their people safe so much that they’ll risk their own soul to march across hundreds of miles of unknown and terrible danger to throw a cursed ring into a volcano. They need to love someone so much, and need them to know it, that they’ll blurt it out in the middle of a press conference or royal ball, or surrounded by enemies with a garrote at their throat or about to be frozen in carbonite or in the middle of a storm-tossed sea battle between pirates, British Navy, and the undead—or, they need to love someone so much that they’ll swear fealty to an evil emperor and kill a bunch of friends and children for the power to save them. They need to be so balls-to-the-wall insane in at least one regard that the plot isn’t just happening to them, they are in some way causing the plot.
Also keep in mind! When it comes to character development, “WANT” is NOT the same as “NEED”! Sometimes a character knows what’s good for them, what will truly often make them happy, but more often they don’t. They want the acclaim and adoration of the crowds, but really they need the recognition, acceptance or love of one particular person—and maybe that person is their own self. They want to avenge the loss of their loved one, but really they need to accept the loss and move on. A refusal to accept what they need is usually going to get in the way of what they want—and sometimes they figure it out just in time to go forward and climactically achieve their goal, or maybe they double down on their character flaws in a classic display of Greek tragedy!
we have good news and bad news, my liege. the good news is that we now know what that curtsying was about: you will be pleased to know that, after several heartfelt conversations between your child, the court jesters and a myriad of singing woodland creatures, you are now the parent of a proud and joyful new princess. the bad news is that, due to a series of events related to the dragon-sized hole in her bedchamber wall,
So... been a while huh. School hit hard so I had no time to write more for Merchant of a Thousand Faces. But then I was also hit with the dreaded writers block before I made the fatal choice to downloading Cookie Run: Kingdom and now that's all my brain can think of.
By no means does that mean I've abandoned Merchant of a Thousand Faces (I've basically got everything but the epilogue planned out already) or any of my other planned things for SVSSS, it just might take a while cause uh. CRK hit us with a bunch of lore and I am a slut for that shit and wars. They are doing both rn and it shocked my brain like a live wire. So I've been high key plotting the SHIT outta a fic I wanna write inspired by one of the teaser trailers they dropped.
I guess my point is, Sorry and if you like my writing and you shadowvanilla: Oh Boy, Do I Got Good News For You.
Had and continue to have an absolute BLAST reading it! If you like the complexity of Fae rules and the drama it comes with, can't recommend it enough :D
thank you ao3 for being an archive and not an algorithm. thank you for letting me like things without consequences, thank you for being free with no ads, thank you for having lawyers to defend our freedom of speech. thank you tag wranglers. thank you to all authors and thank you ao3
My boyfriend, again blending together fanfiction tropes: So what if when you finally find your soulmate, that’s when you discover if you’re alpha or omega, right?
Me, hands shaking as I frantically search for pen & paper: KEEP TALKING
Boyfriend: YES THEY ARE. They communicate via pheromones— LIKE ANTS.
Me: So back to the soulmate thing….
Boyfriend: You could trick them into following orders and thinking they’re dead by spraying them with a spritz bottle. I think they need a queen.
Me: So back to the soulmate thing…. Seems hellish!
Boyfriend: Not really. If being around the other person is what triggers the changes, if you want to go back to normal… all you need to do is leave.
Me, writing: (You found your soulmate. It’s changing you in scary ways. All you need to do is leave… how difficult would it be to leave? What pressures exist to stay?)
In Shen Yuan's humble opinion, being amnesiac sucks.
Seriously!
Imagine yourself in his place for a moment: you wake burred alive in the middle of nowhere, not knowing who you are, or where you are, or how you got here. It sucks!
Of course he has some remaining knowledge—tidbits about local flora and fauna, how to wield a sword, his own name—but none of it is useful for unraveling the mystery of his origin.
However, Shen Yuan would be lying if he said that there are absolutely no positives about his situation. After all, he met Luo Binghe because of it.
Honestly, Shen Yuan has only one month of memories, but he can already tell that Luo Binghe is the best thing that ever happened to him.
Before meeting him, he had heard some rumors about the guy, so he pictured him as some kind of scary and dangerous demonic emperor. Could you imagine Shen Yuan's surprise when he met him in person?
Sure, he was rather intimidating when they first met. However, considering that Shen Yuan accidentally released some prisoners, he thought Luo Binghe's reaction was rather justified. But then he changed his whole demeanor! Luo Binghe took Shen Yuan to his palace in exchange for receiving spiritual qi from him, which he had in abundance for some reason. Shen Yuan doesn't mind of course. It's the least he can do for him.
Because you know what? After living in Luo Binghe's palace for almost a month now, Shen Yuan can say it with his whole chest.
Luo Binghe did nothing wrong!
It might sound crazy, but Shen Yuan genuinely believes that Luo Binghe is just really misunderstood. Sure, there are some strange things. Like his menacing aura. Or his creepy sword. Or the unrealistically beautiful man who he fights every day so he wouldn't take away the corpse of his Shizun.
But if you close your eyes to all those things, at his core Luo Binghe is the sweetest man Shen Yuan has ever met. He has treated Shen Yuan with nothing but kindness and compaction, giving him almost all his attention when he isn't busy tending or fighting for the corpse. He gave Shen Yuan new clothes, and he cooks for him every day. He even promised to help him find out his origins! What a guy!
But the most surprising thing Shen Yuan has learned about Luo Binghe is that the guy is a huge crybaby. Honestly, how did he even become an emperor with such a glass heart? Shen Yuan just needs to pat his head or to fuss a little bit, and he immediately bursts into tears! Still, this behavior doesn't annoy or repulse Shen Yuan. It actually makes him feel protective towards the man.
Maybe that's why Luo Binghe lets Shen Yuan get away with so many liberties? They spend every day talking for many hours, and Luo Binghe has never had any problems with Shen Yuan's informal, overly casual way of speaking. He always encourages him to speak his mind even when Shen Yuan has nothing good to say. Maybe Luo Binghe wants some simple human connection, without being afraid that his heart is going to be broken? Shen Yuan is happy to provide!
And he is doing something correct, because one month after living in Luo Binghe's palace, he takes Shen Yuan to see the corpse of his dead teacher.
No one is allowed to come close to the wing, where Luo Binghe keeps the body. Bringing Shen Yuan to the body itself is an immense show of trust, and he is not going to let him down.
When they finally reach the chambers, Luo Binghe abandons Shen Yuan's side to go to the body lying on a platform.
Shen Yuan's first reaction to the body is that it doesn't look dead at all. Now that Luo Binghe has taken its wrist to presumably feed it his qi, the man looks like he is just asleep. Shen Yuan would have never thought he was dead for 5 years.
“Binghe has taken great care of his master,“ Shen Yuan says quietly.
Luo Binghe doesn't tear away his eyes from the face of his dead Shizun, nor does he perk up from the praise like he usually does. Instead, he just sighs and looks even sadder. God, this scene is too pitiful for Shen Yuan's heart.
He decides to study the man's face.
He had a rather handsome face, good hair, and a lean figure. Shen Yuan looks at the shape of his brows, his nose, his lips and eyes, and something inside his mind starts to itch. Like a word at the tip of his tongue or the smell that triggers some vague memory from childhood.
“What was his name?“ Shen Yuan asks, curious.
Luo Binghe makes a face that can be deciphered as I forgot you lost your memories and don't remember anything about the world oops. Shen Yuan had a whole month to get acquainted with this face.
“His name is Shen Qingqiu, Xiu Ya sword. He is peak lord of Qing Jing Peak, the second ranking peak of the Cang Qiong Mountain sect,“ he explains patiently. Shen Yuan nods for him to continue. “He accepted me to Qing Jing,“ he says. Yes, Shen Yuan assumed that would be the case. “He dumped the hot tea on my head during the acceptance ceremony.“
“What?!“
And so Shen Yuan learns the whole story of Luo Binghe's relationship with his Shizun. How he was cruel to him. How he took a poison for Binghe's sake. How he became kind. How he threw him into the Endless Abyss. How he ran away from him. How he self-destructed for Binghe's sake.
After this long tale, Shen Yuan has nothing good to say about Luo Binghe's dead Shizun, so he chooses to remain silent. Luo Binghe sighs. “You can speak your mind, I won't be angry with you.“
Oh? Well, if Luo Binghe gives him permission.
“What is wrong with this guy?!“ Shen Yuan blows up. “Honestly, I don't understand his logic at all! What is this hot and cold behavior?! There is no consistency whatsoever! First he mistreats you for years, and then he decides to take poison for you and makes you his favorite?! Who does that?!“ Shen Yuan rant.
“I suspect that Shizun got possessed. That's why he changed behavior when I was a disciple.“ Luo Binghe adds, sounding pensive.
Shen Yuan speaks very slowly, “You believe your master was cruel to you because he was possessed by some kind of demon?“ Honestly, he knows Luo Binghe can be a little delusional sometimes, but this is too much even for him.
“No, it's the opposite. I think the one who mistreated me was the original, and then he somehow got replaced, not by a demon, but by some kind of spirit. People noticed the change and even checked him for possession, but all the tests were proven false.“
This makes Shen Yuan pause. He thinks about it for a moment. “You know what, this actually sounds plausible.“ He says slowly.
Luo Binghe stares at him. It's another of his stares, although Shen Yuan hasn't managed to decipher it yet. It's a very intense stare he gets when he says or does something. He isn't sure what this stare means, but he is sure it's nothing too bad.
“What makes you think it's plausible?“ he asks unblinking. “This idea sounds fantastical even for me.“
“I don't know,“ Shen Yuan shrugs. “It just sounds like something that could happen.“
Luo Binghe stares at him for a few more seconds. Then he hums and finally blinks.
“Well, I guess if we are assuming that your Shizun got replaced at some point, it does make his behavior more coherent.“ It's no wonder that the imposter chose to dote on Luo Binghe. Who wouldn't? Still… “Although, it still doesn't explain why he chose to throw you into abyss. Honestly, this makes no sense! He literally told you that there are good demons! Why did he do it?!“
“That's what I tried to ask!“ Luo Binghe cries out with a heartbroken expression. And now there are the tears. “I just wanted to talk to him! And he just ran from me! Why did he run?!“ he begs Shen Yuan for an answer.
Shen Yuan huffs unhappily, “Of course he would run! If it met the alive disciple I tried to kill, i would've also run! I would have jumped out of the window and then run to the edge of the world and then faked my death just for good measure,” Shen Yuan fumes. Honestly, what it wrong with this guy?
Luo Binghe gives him another undecipherable stare, this time even more intense.
“Say…“ he speaks very slowly, “Imagine yourself in Shen Qingqiu's place. Why do you think he has done all those things?“ he asks carefully.
Shen Yuan thinks about it very carefully. Now, despite Luo Binghe's obvious loyalty for his dead master, Shen Yuan can't really share his affection for the man. He has hurt Binghe in an unforgiving way, there is no way he could ever like him. And yet he finds it surprisingly easy to get into his head.
“I think,“ he says thoughtfully, “your Shizun panicked.“
Luo Binghe frowns, “Panicked?“
Shen Yuan nods, “When he threw you into the Endless Abyss. I think he did it because he panicked.“ He says confidently. After all, it's the most logical answer he could come up with. “Think about it. You told it yourself, he was very particular about his image and extremely proper when it came to his role as peak lord. I think he found out that his most trusted disciple is a demon, panicked, defaulted to the role of a big and scary peak lord, and in a heat of the moment called you names and threw you into an abyss.“
Luo Binghe looks at Shen Yuan with huge eyes. “Do- do you really believe he didn't mean the things he said?“ His voice is a mix of disbelief and faint hope.
Shen Yuan winces, “I- I can't tell you that. I don't know what he thought about at the edge of the Abyss. It's just what I think is most logical. Maybe he was thinking about something else entirely.“ Shen Yuan hurries to say. He doesn't want to give Luo Binghe false hope. Despite him not having any progress in reviving his master, Shen Yuan has no doubts he will do it eventually. Luo Binghe is just that type of a person. So he doesn't want to give him false hope only to have his heart shattered once again when his revived master is not what he imagined.
“But still,“ Shen Yuan continues, “no matter what he thought , I think it's undeniable that he regretted his action.“ How else can one explain the mourning period Shen Qingqiu went into that Luo Binghe mentioned.
“But if he regretted it why did he run?“ Luo Binghe asks, his voice sounding awfully small.
“Fear and shame, I would assume.“
“Fear? Why would he be afraid of me?! I just waned to talk to him! I never wanted to hurt him!“ He cries again, anguish clear in his eyes.
Shen Yuan sucks in a pained breath at the heartbreaking sight. “He might have believed that you came back for revenge,“ he proposes weakly.
“What revenge?!-“ Luo Binghe asks in the same hurt voice.
“Of course you didn't, that was wrong of him to assume that!“ Shen Yuan hurries to say before Luo Binghe breaks into another tirade how he didn't want to hurt his master. Honestly, he really likes Luo Binghe, but in this question he kinda sympathizes with Shen Qingqiu. He knows very well how intimidating Luo Binghe can be. He can very clearly imagine that Shen Qingqiu might have had an objective reason to be afraid of Luo Binghe. Besides, Shen Yuan believes that any other person in Binghe's place would have been happy to tear Shen Qingqiu limb from limb. The only reason why Luo Binghe didn't do it is because he is too nice for his own good.
“Maybe he wasn't afraid of you, but of the prospect of confronting you!“ Shen Yuan changes the subject. “You said he had a very thin face. What if he knew you wanted to talk to him, so he ran out of fear and shame so he wouldn't have to have a conversation with you?“ Shen Yuan says very excitedly. He mentally pats himself on the back for coming up with such a clever theory.
Luo Binghe doesn't look at Shen Yuan like he thinks he is very clever. In fact, he looks like he can't believe Shen Yuan has just said something so stupid. “Don't you think it's a little bit too much work just for the sake of avoiding one conversation?“ he asks, sounding slightly annoyed.
Shen Yuan rolls his eyes. “Listen, you asked me what I would have done in your Shizun’s place. In my opinion, if you look at his actions from this lens they are completely logical. I would have certainly done the same,“ he pouts, feeling vaguely insulted.
Luo Binghe stares at him silently. Then he sighs, his face softening. “I apologize. I promised I wouldn't be angry with you,“ he says, his tone genuinely apologetic.
Shen Yuan also sighs, “It's alright. I understand it must be a sensitive topic.“
“I just want to understand,“ Luo Binghe says on the verge of tears again. “Why did he throw me away only to sacrifice himself for me? I though he hated me. Why did he so it?“ He stares at the corpse like it will answer him.
Shen Yuan's throat grows tight. “Maybe he never hated you. Maybe underneath all this fear and shame there was a part of him that still cared for you. Maybe he just wanted for you to be happy.“
Luo Binghe turns his head to look at Shen Yuan. There are the tears flowing down his cheeks in small waterfalls. He makes a small wounded noise, and it's the only warning before he has a demon emperor clinging to him.
“Shizun!“ he bawls like a child into Shen Yuan's ear, calling for the man long dead. “Why did you do it?! How can you believe I can be happy without you by my side?! I just want you back! Shizun, please come back! I promise I will be good. I promise!“ He babbles, his speech slurring into something incomprehensible.
Shen Yuan feels like his heart is being torn apart. He so desperately wants for Luo Binghe to stop being so sad. He wants to say something, anything. But he knows his words won't do anything. So he just holds him closer, petting his back and cupping his head.
Shen Yuan of No Relation has me in a chokehold! Feat. Darling baby tiger Lin Jie! Thank you, @grubus, for writing this amazing story and for letting me spam you with art! 💚💚💚💚
i was gonna make a joking sex post about the big swords in pidw but the more i think about it, xuan su is equally as destructive to yue qingyuan as xin mo is to luo binghe. they both represent the toxicity of certain aspects of ideal masculinity.
we all know that xin mo poisons luo binghe's mind, makes him angrier and more irrational, literally is powered by either fucking or slaughtering people. when luo binghe wields xin mo, he openly displays sexual dominance and bloody violence as methods of conquest, which reinforces ideal male power AND the way luo binghe embraces his demonic side. luo binghe can wed and bed thousands of women, but in truth, he is alone.
xuan su isn't as showy, but it's equally as unhealthy a force. every time yue qingyuan unsheathes xuan su his life force depletes. he will die! so he suppresses both himself and the sword (by virtually never using it; the polar opposite of luo binghe). he will never verbally state his true feelings because that's weak for an upright human man, and especially for an upright human man in his position.
yue qingyuan can and does wield masculine bravado. he has a reputation for being impartial (ideal intelligence and wisdom) and extremely powerful (ideal physical strength). but even with all those emotions churning inside him, all that guilt and grief, he will lock it all inside. no crying. no genuinely opening up. his inability to just spit it out is a major part of what costs him the person he cares about most. he doesn't have any close friends or family outside of work.
yue qingyuan doesn't have a harem like luo binghe because instead of wielding his sword all over the place, he keeps it forever hidden. xuan su is just as toxic to yue qingyuan, isolates him just as much from genuine love and connection, and leaves him just as fundamentally empty, unhappy, and alone as xin mo does to luo binghe.